The Fastest Way To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

203 thoughts on “What Is The Fastest Way To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Emily

November 27, 2016 at 9:28 pm

Hi, me an my boyfriend broke up just over a week ago. Throughout the relationship he often said he didn’t want to be in a relationship but that he really loved me. When he broke up with me we’d had a fight and he said he didn’t love me anymore and that this was for the best. The next day I went to see him and he said he couldn’t talk right now and that he needed some space and said that he needed to do this. We still have eachother on all social media and last night my parents went to his house for a party. My mom said he spoke about me for an hour and said he was finding it hard, his sister also told my mum he’s still in love with me. I am really confused as to why he has broke up with me if he still has feelings for me. I haven’t spoke to him since apart from one text message letting him know I had sang on stage and he did reply. I am going to continue not to contact him but I’m not sure if it will effect him as he said he didn’t want a realtionship? and as he said he thought it was for the best I’m worried if seeing me get on with my life through social media is only going to reinforce that and make him think he made the best decision for the both of us.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 8:11 pm

Hi Emily,

he lost attraction with you? There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if he lost attraction with you, then chasing or staying friends right after the break up will not help

Marie

November 27, 2016 at 9:14 pm

Hi.Basically my boyfriend of six months that is undergoing divorce procedures (he has been separated and living apart from his ex for 2.5 years, she cheated on him many times, they have two kids split custody) has asked on Nov 11 that we separate. He feels the harshness of the divorce (plus downsizing at work) is not fair on me as he is not giving me the attention I deserve and is scared the next few weeks of this ugly divorce is going to make him bitter and not want a serious longterm relationship afterwards. He prefers not to put me through that. He is aware he can lose me forever and might come to regret it, but he needs to “suffer” through it he says, yet he adores me and we get along so well. He is a great man, we love being around eachother. We have fun, I sooth him he says also, we get along great. I miss him but also can feel and see true potential. We have not live a tenth of what we are supposed to, the timing is the crap factor.

Questions:

1. I have just purchased the Pro PDF and at the beginning you give a list of different situations and mention to contact you if mine is not in there. One of them is “if he is married”. Well mine is a sub-category of this, he is going through divorce. So do I use the divorced section? or other?
2. have you had successful stories of couples reuniting although one is going through divorce?
3. As he is undergoing the divorce negotiations and proceedings now, he has a lot on his mind these days/weeks (but not sure if i am on his mind with all of that). Should I do 21 days, 30 or more? I was aiming for 30 days.
4. He contacted me after 6 days of starting NC, I have not replied. It was a text basically asking how I am doing. No other message since. Should I reply?

Looking for to your team’s thoughts. I would love to get him back, because his nightmare is temporary but we could be permanent.

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 8:07 pm

Hi Marie,

check the divorced section. I think you should do at least 30 days and nope, don’t reply.. You should be actively improving yourself too..Yes there are cases exactly like yours that were successful.
Especially when the woman improved a lot during and after nc because the guy started missing her more while the womwn kept improving..

Cindy

November 27, 2016 at 9:32 am

My boyfriend for slightly over a year broke up with me for the second time 2 weeks ago. He loves me but we argue a lot and he doesn’t think we can make it work. The first time he ended things, he wanted to get back together because he missed me. The recent break up happened after a huge fight and he feels we’ve done all we can to make this work. We still texted each other after to ask how each other was. Yesterday I asked to meet to talk about our issues, in an effort to solve them but he said he’s made up his mind and doesn’t see the point in talking again. I plan to follow NC for the next month. Is there still hope for us? I know he still loves and cares for me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 5:10 pm

Hi Cindy,

if he just got tired, there’s still chance.. But you have to change, for him to think that you’re not the same person he left

Mikayla Bedell

November 26, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Hello, I have commented here before and you recommended the no contact. I have complied with that rule but my worry came true and he found another girlfriend. Now we are both in college and this is a girl in his dorm. I asked him if he was cheating on me but he swore that he wasn’t. I don’t know what to think. I asked him what happened and he said that being alone was killing him. This was heartbreaking because I don’t know why we couldn’t get back together if that was the case. Please help me I’m so confused but even through all of this I still love him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 11:30 am

HI Mikayla,

that means she’s more probably a rebound. Does he know you want him back> how much did you improve?

Maureen

November 26, 2016 at 6:01 am

Hello everyone. My ex-boyfriend and we’re together for 4 years and we met at work. We both hit it off really well. I moved in with him and his mother after 6 months of dating because I didn’t want to lose him and he didn’t want to lose me due to my mother leaving for Florida. So I moved in and we were both happy about it. But things weren’t going to well in the beginning. His mother has trust issues with anyone she only trusted her son and I understand that completely. After a few months of living with them, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression because of his mother being a complete b#!&@ and she admits it and she’s proud of it too. She would put me down and make me feel like I’m nothing. My ex-boyfriend wouldn’t back me up but he said just let it brush over because it has to be her way or the highway. So I did deal with it, when I moved in I did say I would wash the bathroom and the kitchen floor too, but since my ex and I did both work we would get tired and want to sleep. She would b$&! about the floor and bathroom being dirty and I’m thinking your home all day and if you want done your way you can do it your way then. So after 3 years of living together he proposed to me and I said yes. Of course everyone we both knew was extremely happy and excited about us. But 3 months later I was diagnosed with CANCER . I was in shock and so was he, I needed to beat this so I can live and start my life with him. So I started treatment and I was ready for surgery and I was. After three months I went for a scan and they found out that my cancer had came back and again I was in shock and so was he and I said I did it once so I can do it again. And I started treatment again and then I finished and I had my surgery again. Everything seemed fine after my surgery but he told me that his mother said I am not welcome in the house anymore and I cried because I didn’t know what I have done to deserve that. After my surgery he got a job promotion which I was very proud of him. After he told me this he said that the landlord wasn’t receiving the rent on time and I believe that they were afraid of moving again. So after a month he said we needed to talk and we did and he said that I don’t see us as a couple anymore and that we are going down to completely different paths and he fell out of love with me before my second surgery. My ex said that he was sorry and that he cried we he broke up with me the worst part about it he broke up with me over the phone and I was in tears thinking in my head why would you do this to me at a time where I been through hell and back twice. It’s only been two weeks and we play an online game and we talk during the game in character and they both act naturally normal. The problem is I still love him and I care for him very much he has made me feel like a woman for four years, my question is my ex worth getting back together with him?

Maureen

December 6, 2016 at 9:46 pm

Amor: I still have so many questions about why my ex boyfriend broke up with me. He could have be stressed from work and he would just sleep a lot on the weekends. Also maybe when he got the new job promotion he would have to travel store to store. Or maybe he couldn’t handle his mother being sick (who is 70 years old and can’t drive anymore) he’s the only one she wants him to be at the doctors office with her and myself being sick as well. My ex boyfriend and I were 12 years apart he never was in a serious relationship before. So my question is that do I still have a chance with him or I’m I just wasting my time, but the thing is that I still care about him and I still love him he’s always on my mind.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 7:10 pm

If time is really the issue, and he still doesn’t have time now, then it would be better to move on but if the real problem is that he’s not getting along with you, he’s not with you, then change first.
Maureen

December 3, 2016 at 5:15 pm

Amor: Last night my ex and I talked a little bit about how is doing with work and other things, then he asked me how I was doing and I told things as well. In his voice I seemed to be happy to talk to me. Maybe he does miss me being with him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 7:14 pm

Yep, that’s a big possibility
Maureen

November 30, 2016 at 2:46 am

My ex boyfriend is an only child and I don’t think he has ever stood up to his mother because she’s really the only family he has. He did text me on Thanksgiving. But I didn’t want to be rude and not answer I’m not that kind of person, I’m a caring person and most of the time I did put my ex first. And I made him part of my family. After everything is calmed down he did say we can talk. So maybe I do have a chance to get my ex back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 8:02 pm

That’s good.. update us after your talk. I’ll wait 🙂
Maureen

November 29, 2016 at 2:52 am

Previous issues solved? I’m actually reading the ex boyfriend recovery book. I haven’t heard from my ex since Thanksgiving, he texted me and I failed the no contact rule by texting him back. So I’m starting over again. What is your advice to do next? I’m still at a complete lose!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 7:41 pm

I mean, that’s good that you’re restarting the no contact rule but what about him? Did he mention choosing you and beung mature and standing up for you now? If he’s not going to do that during or after nc, you have to move on
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 4:18 pm

Hi Maureen,

Were the previous issues solved now?

Ashley

November 23, 2016 at 12:33 am

Can I get him back, even after he left me for the second time?
We’re each other’s first true love and real relationship… we just argued a lot

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 9:46 pm

Hi Ashley,

there’s no guarantee but I think there’s a chance if it’s just about arguments

Jas

November 22, 2016 at 10:33 am

So my ex and I have been dating for 7 months on and off, but the past 4 months after getting back together he told me he had someone issues at home and also he was depressed.
I tried to be there for him, I tried to give him his space and all that, but 2 weeks ago I was on my period and was to emotional I guess and we had fight about him not telling me before he went into his ‘man cave’ for a few days. I regreted it a few days later (we didnt talk for 3 days after that) and when I apologized he was angry and told me “Yea it s over, go and take of yourself I ur own castle’ ( I was so stupid to change my profile pic to ‘and the queen lived happily ever after in her own castle’ and took care of her own fucking self) .
So I said ‘ok take care’ and stopped talking after that. The next day.. I asked him ‘why and he said ur crazy.
So anyway we had a fight the day after we broke up and he blocked me everywhere.
I did see that his profile pic is changed to ‘did u ever wake up and realise “holy shit I am a fucking loser” the next day.
I want him back.. He is the first guy that made me open up to him.. (I have a history of sexual abuse)
I am in NC now for 5 days, but something in me is telling me to somehowake contact and be there for him.
Can u pleace help me?
We were in LDR and I was going to see him again in january. Both 20.

Can u pls answer this, I write u guys before but never got any answer (or cant find it atleast)
Thanks in advance.

Jas

December 5, 2016 at 8:21 pm

Should I Talk to him then? Or should I continue NC.. I have to say that I am calm and also thinking about the breakup and the fight doesnt hurt me anymore.. Can I contact him now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 8, 2016 at 10:43 pm

It would be better if you finish nc and make the most of it,focus in improving yourself because after nc, you still need to improve yourself while rebuilding rapport with him.
Jas

December 3, 2016 at 6:08 pm

Btw with that Fish tank, I think it was meant for me because I am a vegan and cant take animal suffering.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 2:04 pm

It can be a good sign because he wants attention from you
Jas

December 3, 2016 at 6:06 pm

So he had blocked me after the fight..
A week or more ago I saw that he had unblocked me everywhere.. but I didnt message him cuz I was still in NC (and still am) so I ignored it.
A few days after it, I added him in a group by mistake and then deleted the group, he messaged me then after a few hours and asked me ‘what was that?.. ‘ and I said ‘What was my mistake, my bad. ” He said ‘Okay’
And I didnt reply.
Also he tried to make me message him after that by changing his profile pic to a hand doing vodka in a fiah tank ( now I know it wasnt him not his fishes)
I ignored that too , now everytime I say something in my bio, he changes his profile pic to something related to that.
Does it mean he is changing his mind?
Cuz he used to ignore me 100% .. I am confused ..
Jas

November 25, 2016 at 8:22 am

Thank u!
I am still in NC, I feel good again and am calm.
I didnt freak out like I did during our previous breakup and I am actually doing well at Uni and life in general.
Worried about him, a friend told me he is really angry these days.

I couldnt find it, thank u for answering it again. (:
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 4:22 pm

You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 8:39 am

Hi Jas,

I did answer, but I only asked you and it was actually answered here.. It would be better if you stick to no contact..try doing the 21 days and improve yourself.. Use the no contact as a chance for a restart

Elizabeth

November 22, 2016 at 3:03 am

Hi!

Hope you are well. Thanks to your website and your articles – I have found them very useful!

My guy and I broke up almost a year ago, tried to work it out, be friends and had projects together all summer.

I feel like we never ran out of love for each other and I know he would agree.

I have applied the NC rule about three months ago – as I felt I couldn’t recover from the breakup – and reached out to him again two weeks ago. (We talked very lightly during the NC as we have belongings together for which we needed to take decisions, but nothing more from my side – I’ve also extended over 30 days as I needed quiet to recover).

SInce i have contacted him, we talked on the phone a few times (him initiating). He admit missing me. He is also flirty/racy at times. (We use to have a great physical connection).

After 3days of talking he offered a date for the weekend to come, but this didn’t happen as he was very sick.

We keep talking daily and he will reach to me, but I find him ghosting on me every now and then (him suggesting time to talk on the phone then not following through).

We always were long distance, he is a single dad and has a very ecthic schedule.

I have addressed calmy my dislike of the ghosting and made clear I miss the romantic connection we had – not wanting to be friend.

He said he would like for us to be together but admits he is now trying to process the fact that we are suddenly talking again.

I’ve mentioned I needed silent time to re-energized myself and have a fresh point of view. He said he understands, but I know the NC hurt him badly.

Long story short (too late, I know 😉 ). Have you seen a lot of men reacting this way? Going hot and cold? Do you have any suggestions to make him move forward a bit quicker, or make him “more coherent” in his behaviour?

Thank you for your help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 2:54 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

how much did you improve? Do you have new friends now? try taking it slow.. Dont expect much, end the conversation yourself at high point and continue to have your own life.. Because for you to have a higher chance of him following thru, he has to see that you’re not waiting anymore.. You’re not as crazy about him anymore and yet you’re having wonderful conversations than before..so, if he doesn’t act, he might lose you because he can see you’re much better than before and you have a new world now..

Britt

November 19, 2016 at 11:41 am

Hi there,

My boyfriend and I broke up around 6 weeks ago, and I’m in the last week of no contact (ending on Thursday). Before starting no contact, we hadn’t spoken for 2 weeks following breaking up because he was going away for work. I tried to call him but his line was busy, and freaked out because it sounded like he had blocked my number. I sent him an emotional text the next day with all my feelings and how I was trying really hard to look like I was okay without him but I confessed I was really depressed. He accepted how I felt, but grew annoyed with me and said that he wasn’t planning on getting back together, that he wasn’t thinking about the future and that he didn’t want to talk to me about anything. He had said while in the process of us breaking up that he saw us getting married, was scared about the future and the possibility of breaking up in 10 years time. He basically at first wanted a break but it got out of hand because of my objection to it. During our last conversation he said that he hadn’t stopped loving me, but didn’t want to talk to me which obviously confused the hell out of me. Throughout being broken up and particularly during no contact he has been up to date with my Instagram and Snapchat because I can see when he looks at my “stories”, yet hasn’t contacted me. I find this odd because he had said he wasn’t interested in getting back together in the “foreseeable future” and deleted photos of me from his social media, yet hasn’t unfollowed/deleted me from anything and is checking on what I post.

My real question(s) is does it sound like he wants to know what I’m up to because he wants to contact me, and how should I approach initiating contact not having a clear idea of where he stands? He could very well just be checking my posts along with his other friends, but because of our situation and what he said when we last spoke I’m not sure.

Thanks!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 12:10 pm

Hi Britt,

let’s say he got bored with the relationship.. That doesnt mean he totally have lost all feelings and that doesnt mean he wont get curious about you. He may think the new girl is a grass is greener case but what’s more important is that you improve.. If you’re doing that, good. He has to think you’re moving on or has moved on so that he would be open to being friends again…

JC

November 19, 2016 at 4:40 am

urgent advice needed!

JC

November 22, 2016 at 11:48 am

i thought i should be silent even in social media so that he would thought of what am i doing. somehow, he said he didnt but only thinking how he wants to move on everyday
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 11:04 pm

Check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
JC

November 21, 2016 at 2:18 am

Is it too late for me? A good friend of mine that I always suspect them previously hint me what if they get close. Im just too naive to have faith in him after we broke up. I believe he’s still the old him being loyal and nice man. I read and read the message from my good friend(the girl) and i got the hint. So i immediately contact her and my ex. They admitted they start to chat privately and surprisingly they have topics. My ex told me that we are impossible at all and he started to have good impression towards her. I feel so hopeless and nothing can be done. I ask the girl, she said that it’s too late she has feeling towards him already as they meet everyday in class. I told myself to put it down. Not worth it to wait for man who has changed heart. But i just cant sleep whole night and cant concentrate other things. It’s just hard. I dont hope that i will see them posting picture or officially together someday. I just cant accept that. Why her? 4 years relationship and he told me he thought nothing about me for this one month. I feel so helpless. Everything was good before we break. After one month he has totally no feelings towards me. Whats happening? Can i still change his mind before he decides to go for her?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Hi jc,

I see your comments I just havent reached them yet but others experienced disappearing comments too. I think something’s up with the site. Anyway, how much did you improve? It’s not just about being silent, it’s about improving yourself. When he broke up with you, it sounds like he’s already tired of you. So of course words dont convince anymore. And if he sees or talks to you now, would he think you’re just trying to convince him or you’re really differrnt from the one he left? If you didnt improve, the no contact period you did doesnt have that much help for you. So, you have to restart it. If you are improving yourself, you have to be active in social media too. Did you do that?

Alice

November 19, 2016 at 4:09 am

So I finally replied to him since no one would reply to my last comment on here since he encouraged me to apply at his work I went ahead and sent a message early this evening saying I applied at his work yesterday he did not reply back tho. Although I avoided his question about whether I had gotten a man or not I never sent any more texts after that. I sent in a comment answering your question about why we broke up with me. He broke up with me a year ago and said he had a new girlfriend. I don’t think he actually had a girl then but later he did actually get a girlfriend and they are still together. So is there any point in even answering his question or should I just enforce the no contact rule even he does end up texting at some point before30 days??

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Oh..sorry.. Sometimes it really takes time for your comment to be answered because I answer all of your comments but it will always be answered.

If they are still together, then that means you would be his girl on the side if he is going to pursue you..

his questions about your relationship status is more likely just from his ego or possessiveness.. Answer it with honesty.. Yeah, he will probably get jealous but the reality is, he’s still with the girl he left you for..if you are going to talk to him, convey that you have standards. Dont sound like you’re just making him jealous. Sound like you have moved on. Be respectful, casual, calm. Because if he wants you back and you’re still very flirty, then it would look like what he did was ok. Be angry and it would look like he made the right choice of leaving you.

You can still try doing the no contact rule. Improve, yourself, heal and reflect. But I think you need to do 45 days..If he is serious with you, he has to show it. He has to be more respectful and if he ever he wants you back, of course they have to break up first..

Violet

November 18, 2016 at 10:39 pm

Hi! I think my last comment was accidentally deleted. I was wondering how long to wait to reply to a text if he took 3 days to reply to my first contact message?
Thank you!

Violet

November 29, 2016 at 8:36 pm

Because he’s been online every day before, after and during work. Messaging other people who aren’t me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 10:19 pm

If you’re sure he’s just messaging other people when he’s online then it’s not a good sign. Because that means he’s not interested in talking.. Either you work on your topics, do a longer nc one last time and really look like you’re moving on and improving or move on.
Violet

November 28, 2016 at 2:17 am

He ended up replying after 4 days this time. So I replied when I woke up the following morning. Then another first contact message a day later. He seems to only reply on Thursdays and he uses the same excuse as he always has: too busy.

But it only takes 30 seconds to type a text. So he’s lying. But why? Why do men tell this lie?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 9:52 pm

What if his free day is really just Thursday?
Violet

November 23, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Thanks Amor! I replied to him after 3 days since you didn’t respond to me for 5 days so I didn’t know what to do. Now he hasn’t replied and it’s been nearly 4 days. My question is, how long do I wait after no response before messaging again? Is it one week?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 11:31 am

Yeah, and then after that, try initiating again daily
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:49 pm

Hi Violet,
it’s still here. I’ll copy my reply there here. Nope, dont match it in that way. If he replied 3 days later, reply to it and then initiate again the next day. If he took 3 days again, reply and then initiate again later that day. If he took 3 days again, rest from texting him..maybe 1 week

Olivia

November 18, 2016 at 10:33 pm

Hi guys!
So i’ve gotten myself into a bit of a situation with my ex and need a bit of help! :/
I’ve been dating him exclusively now for 5 months. Things were going well in the begining but now i feel like we’ve fallen into a friends with benefits situation.
We’re in this weird situation where one minute he’s telling me he misses me, gives me space at his place to keep my things and we act like a couple who are living together. The next i feel like i’m treated like a friend, and he only comes near me to be affectionate when he wants sex. He said he’s scared of getting into a relationship with me, or moving forward because he’s worried that our past is going to repeat itself.
I’ve stood my ground and made it clear that i’m not going to stay over anymore until he makes his choice to either be in a relationship with me, or to let me go. I don’t want to be messed around and he’s not being open about what he wants.
Am i doing the right thing? Is there anything else i should do to get out of this FwB situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 21, 2016 at 3:20 pm

Hi Olivia,

that’s good that you’re not sleeping with him again but I think you need to take the opportunity of him initiating contact yonyour advantage, just dont sleep with him. If he initiates, talk, have a good conversation and then if he asks for sex, decline in humor.. Like

Ohhh somebody’s missing the benefits of being my boyfriend! Haha!

Laura

November 18, 2016 at 5:54 pm

So i’ve been dating my ex for 4 months now. However, my family are making things more difficult by adding another level of stress.
I currently live at home with my parents (I’m 23, but i can’t afford to move out just yet) so they know when i stay out etc. And it’s getting to the point where they’re saying that i won’t progress in my career, he’ll destroy my life, they compared him to a pimp, and even followed me to a friends house because they didn’t believe i was there. It’s like an interrogation every time i stay the night at a friends, or at my ex’s. I’ve had to keep things quiet about us, to try and protect both him and myself while we’re trying to see if things can work, and it’s exhausting always arguing every time my parents see me, and trying to keep that stress from affecting the relationship with my ex.
They genuinely despise him, and i don’t use that term lightly. I’m pretty sure that they would hit him on sight. But the thing it’s destroying the relationship i have with my family due to all the arguments, and it’s also destroying any chance of me and my ex being able to build any kind of relationship.
I’ve tried standing my ground. I’ve tried not telling them anything (this makes the situation even worse). I’ve even had a friend offer to cover for me.
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at a complete loss as to how to handle things, and something has got to give at this point.
Any advice would be great x

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 21, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Hi Laura,

do you have a job? If the only option is to move out, then you have to dave up..

JC

November 18, 2016 at 3:18 pm

i didn’t get a reply nor see my comments

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Hi jc,

I see your comments I just havent reached them yet but others experienced disappearing comments too. I think something’s up with the site. Anyway, how much did you improve? It’s not just about being silent, it’s about improving yourself. When he broke up with you, it sounds like he’s already tired of you. So of course words dont convince anymore. And if he sees or talks to you now, would he think you’re just trying to convince him or you’re really differrnt from the one he left? If you didnt improve, the no contact period you did doesnt have that much help for you. So, you have to restart it. If you are improving yourself, you have to be active in social media too. Did you do that?

Georgia

November 18, 2016 at 12:47 pm

Hi! I posted a comment yesterday but I guess it didn’t work or got deleted, I really hope I get a reply to this one! Thanks guys!
I am trying to get my ex back after a year, we were together for 4 years and are now 24. It was quite a messy break up as people meddled but we ended up on good terms in the end and are completely friendly and chat normally when we see each other now. I have been taking your PRO programme slower than suggested, sending a text about once a week even though I have been getting positive responses. On Friday I sent a memory message about him surprising me at Waterloo train station and how much I jumped and it was really funny etc, I got a very positive response!! On Monday I messaged him a first contact message again about an article I thought he may be interested in. I got a neutral response and then I received this message: “Look, I don’t want this to come across funny or anything. I’m just a bit confused by these texts your sending me. I appreciate the thought and stuff. Like they aren’t bothering me or anything like that, I just don’t get it. Like the one the other day about Waterloo station was probably inappropriate you know? I’m happy and it’s good we can be friends. I just want to check that you’re okay and there’s nothing going on here? I hope you understand what I mean.”

I replied this: “Sorry for the late reply, been out this evening. Yeah I’m great, nothing intended, I get where you’re coming from and I respect that. Didn’t mean for the Waterloo one to be inappropriate, it was just something I thought of after a friend told me a story, I was just being friendly. Hope you’re doing good!”
The response I got was: “Okay that’s good then. No worries! Thank you for understanding. Yeah all good here! I hope you’re doing good too!” I just didn’t respond after this.
I hope that was a good response? Can I carry on from here or am I done, I understand why a memory message may be a bit weird after a year as well, do I have to use them? Can I not build rapport another way? Would really appreciate your help!

Georgia

November 18, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Okay thanks Amor! I have currently been trying not to ask too many questions, can I increase that now and be more conversational? Obviously not interrogating him!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 11:43 pm

Yup, that’s ok!
Georgia

November 18, 2016 at 12:49 pm

Hi i can see my other one come up now, please delete one of them! Thanks so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2016 at 2:53 pm

The memory text is better used when there’s enough rapport and attraction built already. At first, it shouldnt be used. Right now, try to use more current topics..

JC

November 18, 2016 at 5:40 am

hi,
i have just left my comment here. after refresh for several times, i found out my comment is missing. Do I need to re-type?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Hi jc,

I see your comments I just havent reached them yet but others experienced disappearing comments too. I think something’s up with the site. Anyway, how much did you improve? It’s not just about being silent, it’s about improving yourself. When he broke up with you, it sounds like he’s already tired of you. So of course words dont convince anymore. And if he sees or talks to you now, would he think you’re just trying to convince him or you’re really differrnt from the one he left? If you didnt improve, the no contact period you did doesnt have that much help for you. So, you have to restart it. If you are improving yourself, you have to be active in social media too. Did you do that?

Violet

November 18, 2016 at 5:17 am

Hi Chris

I’ll try my best to be patient as I’m totally committed to getting him back. During my no contact period I cured my depression and took control of my anxiety! Anyway, my question is regarding response time after breaking no contact. He took 3 and a half days to respond. It was a positive response (possible friend zone though…) and I’m hoping to reply to him. Should I wait a few days too? Do I sort of match his response time? I might even schedule the text to send in a few days after I draft my reply. Or will he notice that I’m just playing his game?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:49 pm

Nope, dont match it in that way. If he replied 3 days later, reply to it and then initiate again the next day. If he took 3 days again, reply and then initiate again later that day. If he took 3 days again, rest from texting him..maybe 1 week

JC

November 18, 2016 at 4:36 am

Hi, I just broke up with my boyfriend almost a month (29th day to be exact). it’s been really hard these days. there were days I wanted to call him so badly but I will just remind myself with the ‘no contact rule’ written by you, Chris. i will just search for your articles and make myself feel better after reading. holding myself back to keep a good impression. I couldn’t accept what had happened everyday because he was so good to be before this. he will tolerate and everytime we quarrel, he would not drag more than 24 hours but this time things are so differrent. i knew it that the usual him, if he wants to come back, he will return earlier but not after a month. Somehow, I believe in your article hoping he will be back. Next month will be our 4th year anniversary. I hope things can get back fast before our anniversary. He said he was tired with my short-tempered but I feel that he still loves me, anyhow. It’s just that he’s too afraid to come back. i swear to him I would do that anymore but he didn’t want. He deleted our photos in social media and I get to know that he stand firmly with his decision even friends of him and his family told him to give me another chance. nothing else I can do because the more I contact him, the more stressful he is. so, i decided not to contact him for 25 days now. Next monday is going to be his very important test. should I text him a ‘goodluck’ because I usually did that to encourage him. Or should I just remain silent until his test ends to let him think about our relationship?

JC

November 18, 2016 at 4:42 am

I know he’s kind of busy these days. Will this be a factor for him to forget me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Hi jc,

I see your comments I just havent reached them yet but others experienced disappearing comments too. I think something’s up with the site. Anyway, how much did you improve? It’s not just about being silent, it’s about improving yourself. When he broke up with you, it sounds like he’s already tired of you. So of course words dont convince anymore. And if he sees or talks to you now, would he think you’re just trying to convince him or you’re really differrnt from the one he left? If you didnt improve, the no contact period you did doesnt have that much help for you. So, you have to restart it. If you are improving yourself, you have to be active in social media too. Did you do that?

Jenni again

November 18, 2016 at 1:34 am

Hi again, k didn’t see a response on my comment, it disappeared after it said awaiting moderator approval or something..
I’m copy pasting my comment.
Hi Chris. For privacy purposes, my name will be Jenni.
About two-three weeks ago now, my boyfriend and I had a bad break up which really threw me for a ride. My boyfriend has never had a girlfriend before due to problems that he has emotionally like depression and anxiety. If I hadn’t spoken to him first, we wouldve never met! We are long distance. He is very passive and more of the submissive type. He doesn’t ever talk first, not even to his friends.
When we were in better times, he was obsessed with me. He can’t stay away from my body. He said, even recently after the break up, that he doesn’t see himself being with anyone else.
Right now, he says he doesn’t know how he feels. He has been dealing with some really bad depression and has been back and forth with his feelings since we broke up. He misses me, then being around me is overbearing. His depression makes it very hard to feel anything happy, let alone feeling love for anyone, not just me. He said yesterday that he couldn’t reciprocate the love I kept saying I still have for him.. He said he has been talking to a girl that was interested in him but that he doesn’t intend on dating her, but that the casual conversation is nice.

Lately, he has felt too awkward to talk to me much at all, or he’s been too busy. The past few days though he has been sort of responsive to my attempts at talking (this was before I found your site: I went last week without talking to him and messaged him saying I was thinking about him, he said thanks. this is now a few days after that). I don’t know if I should start the NC rule, or try to keep talking to him now that he seems to be a little more comfortable talking. He said a week or two ago that we need to “be friends” first and wait until we can see each other in January. ( at least that is the plan..)

I am afraid that if I don’t initiate conversations with him regularly, I won’t ever hear from him. I’m also afraid that if I message him, I’m bothering him, or that I should wait for him instead because men are naturally more inclined to chase, according to my friend. But this contradicts his personality. He chases but he can’t act. Like I said, he was obsessed with me from the moment he laid eyes on me, but couldn’t get the nerve to talk to me due to his severe anxiety.

I’m sorry for the extensive explanation. At this point, I just want to know what I can do to make him want to talk to me more, despite how busy he is. I want him to miss me and think of me but not feel so repelled or awkward. I have until January to make him wanna be with me so that when we see each other in person, all of his extreme emotions and passions will (hopefully) return, just like when we first met. We’ve been dating for over a year now long distance and we had made it work until almost a month ago. I love him very dearly and he said he will keep everything I gave to him because he claims that one day when he’s less busy and “can stomach it”, he’ll wanna be with me again.

I feel another thing to note is he has never been physical or emotionally accepted or open with anyone else but me. He is afraid of anyone else, but that can change.. I’m afraid.
What do I do?

Also an update from when I last commented: We had a talk about our relationship yesterday and he said “The only reason were not together now is because I’m too sad” with depression. I don’t know if the “now” meant that we aren’t together anymore bc of that, or if it means he hasn’t gotten back with me yet bc of that. He checked my Snapchat story twice in a row today, the whole thing. He doesn’t use Snapchat to talk to anyone else as far as I know.. I won’t make assumptions but it gave me some hope seeing he did that. I started the NC rule today.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 4:19 pm

Hi Jenni,

i dont see another post from you too..so thank you for reposting. He has low self esteem. So, correct me if I’m wrong, did he start changing when he got attention from another girl?

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