What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don't Contact You

157 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

Jade

September 4, 2020 at 9:13 pm

My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. I stayed at my parents house for the first six days and then came to go get some of my things and left a note letting him know I would be back the next day to pack. He contacted me asking me to come talk to him and I have been staying at our house ever since. He began to distance himself again a few days ago, then left town and we haven’t talked since he left. He deleted me off Snapchat and blocked me on Instagram since then. I haven’t tried to contact him since he left, I plan on getting my things out of the house while he is gone. I still want him back, I don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 7, 2020 at 10:10 pm

Hi Jade, start working the program collecting your things while you are away is a good thing. Make sure that you do not leave a note, or reply to him after he realises you have been there.

Abby

September 1, 2020 at 11:10 pm

My ex and I were together for about a year but friends for years before our relationship! We broke up a little over a month ago and haven’t had any contact. We had broken up before that for a months and got back together. I ended it this time because we were still fighting over the same things and he was honestly being very mean. I did a couple weeks into it message him telling him I wish we could have our friendship back but he didn’t respond. I feel like the ball
Is in his court since I already messaged him. With it being over a month, will I still hear from him at this point? I wonder if he forgot about me and doesn’t miss me 🙁 I don’t really miss being together because we were better as friends but I do miss my best friend
Kc

September 1, 2020 at 12:22 am

Hi chris my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago after a 4 year relationship. He said he is unhappy and doesnt know if we are meant to be.he was hysterically crying He said he loves me so much and cares about me but is not in love and doesnt think about making me his wife one day. We had a really good relationship ful of laughter and joy and spent a lot of time together but i dont know what is going thru his head it was very shocking to hear all that and i think he may be seeing another girl but am not sure. I went into NC right away and didnt beg or contact him since the day he broke it off. Idk what to do its been 3 weeks and nothing from him. I deleted his phone number all of our pictures and took him off my social media.
Christina

August 29, 2020 at 9:02 am

My ex and I are in an LDR. We’ve been with each other of & on since 18 months. Earlier we met once in a month or 2. He has not been very vocal about his feelings and avoids any emotional talks but when we meet he says and does things that he does have feelings for me but just doesn’t want to label anything. Due to Covid we havent met in 5 months and there is no visibility on when we’ll meet next. I started seeing a change in frequency of his texts/calls. When I brought it up he stated these discussions are emotionally draining and expecting a text everyday is a compulsion. Post that brief talk, frequency of messages went from daily to once in a 3-4 days to even a week. Although we haven’t explicitly broken off the last thing I told him if it’s so emotionally draining we might as well end this. He kinda agreed and that was it. Since we work together, he called me once for work 2 days back and the discussion was brief and professional. I miss him a lot but I know he doesn’t care much about this, probably doesn’t even think about me at all. I’ve been in no contact since a week now and there’s been no text from him. Do you think there’s a chance he’ll want to get back again?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 11, 2020 at 7:47 pm

Hey Christina, if you work on yourself and show your ex that you are doing great without him, use social media to show how happy you are Complete your NC and then start reaching out with Chris’ methods you could get yourself back on track again. Of course with LDR the point is that eventually you will be together so also consider this as a long term relationship – are you or he willing to move to the other to be together?

Clint

August 10, 2020 at 11:23 pm

My ex and I dated for about a year. I was going through some tough things and was a pretty sad person really. On top of that my daughters mom always found a way to put tension in my relationship with my now ex girlfriend. Eventually my ex said she couldn’t handle it and we split up but we continued talking and having sex and seeing each other once or twice a week. During this time I really wanted her back and I finally asked her if she thinks she would get back with me, she said no of course but we still continued to carry on as if we weren’t really broke up. This led to me wanting more then what we had though and I couldn’t control my emotions. I felt she was just stringing me along and finally I confronted her about it. She replied by basically saying that she was no one in my life and that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and she wants distance and then proceeded to block me on everything. It’s been 3 weeks since then. Given our on and off again history is there any chance she may reach back out?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 11, 2020 at 2:06 pm

Hey Clint, yes I think you will hear from her again, but make sure that you do not fall back into those habits of sleeping with her while broken up again. It is not going get what you want. You need to start by following this program and working on yourself.

Lee

August 7, 2020 at 12:26 am

The ex and I broke up around the holidays. It was unexpected and they didnt want to be friends after. It was a long term (almost a decade). No kids or marriage but it was talked about.

We spoke right before the Covid-19 outbreak and theres hasnt been contact since. You spend a decade of your life with someone and then a global virus happens. Not sure where we stand based on this article

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 7, 2020 at 9:20 pm

Hey Lee, are you looking to get your ex back? If so then start reaching out more often and try rebuilding your connection. Read some texting articles to help you along the way

Marie F

July 27, 2020 at 8:08 pm

My ex and I broke up a month ago for reasons that he wasn’t happy and we were arguing more. We were together for a year and 5 months. We also worked closely together but I left the job once we broke up because I couldn’t bare to see him everyday. I haven’t seen him in a month. I reached out by calling and we talked a few times over the last few weeks for hours at a time but he is not willing to meet in person. I tried to be positive in our last conversation a week ago asking to meet up for a simple walk but he is hesitant. I left it on a good note, but he hasn’t reached out since. I’ve been in no contact for 7 days today. Any advice would help at this time. He was my best friend.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 27, 2020 at 9:44 pm

Hey Marie, you need to go back into a 30 day NC and then reach out to your ex with the texting phase – but you need to stop with the emotional conversations and asking him to meet up so soon, you need to work on rebuild your connection and his attraction to you through each stage. Read some more articles to help you to work through the program.

Emma

July 13, 2020 at 8:51 pm

My ex of almost a year and a half and I were together for five years. We met young (at 24), fell in love hard and fast, moved in together after a year and towards the beginning of our 6th year together he decided he needed to live out the single life he missed out on. Gone were our plans and dreams and the life we built and I had no say. Towards the end he flip flopped between the kind, good looking nerd I loved and who loved me fiercely in return to this dude who was so obviously trying to prove something to world (he had a new job that gave him a taste of this frat-boy party lifestyle). Anyways, he ended things in a horrible way (not because we didn’t love each other but because he wanted to be free) and I basically haven’t heard from him since… until I got a letter from him about two months ago. Now, I admit, I may have caved (blame quarantine) and sent him a letter first. A letter that told him I missed him at the very end and then he decided to respond to it. His response was 6 pages long and talked a lot about how he wishes he’d learned the single man lessons he has learned in our time apart before we’d met so he could basically still have me and about the shame he has felt in the way he handled things… I guess he has met a lot of other women and is realizing that who I am and what we brought out in each other truly is special and admitted to carrying me and our love with him everywhere he goes and went on and on about how I meant the world to him… something I have felt too and that is why it has been so hard to let him go. It was rare, it really was. But then he also said he stands by his decision to be single. I responded and then he basically ghosted the response. I sent him another email about two weeks later asking him what his intentions were when he decided to write that letter and basically saying I will always have a door partially open for him. Hey, I was being honest. He responded late at night basically yelling at me. Saying he can’t believe I would question his motives and even think his words meant we have a chance bc he still doesn’t know what he wants (in all caps). He said this a lot when he broke up with me and it seems like he is still searching for something. I believe that what he is searching for is what was already in front of him for so long though. He signed off willing to meet in person if I wanted to talk more in hopes that we would both find some answers (I declined that bc it would hurt too much) and said that at this point in time we have no shot any other answer would be foolish. I feel like he was definitely on the pendulum of emotions and I can’t seem to let go of this idea that part of him really isn’t over us. I just don’t know what to do anymore bc I feel like I have tried so hard to say yes to new things and people but no matter what he is still there. I just wish I knew how to get through to him.
Elizabeth Heim

July 12, 2020 at 5:32 am

If your ex isn’t contacting you due to the pendulum swing, how long should you wait to contact them again? My ex openly admits to being terrible at texting (and he’s not kidding, he once texted me 12 hours after I sent him a text)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 12, 2020 at 10:19 am

If you have had a few days of good texting conversation and they pull back, give them 3-5 days of peace and then reach out again – extend this the more time you spend having conversations with your ex, be sure that you are following the information about the peak end too

Sara

July 5, 2020 at 12:12 pm

Stacey,

I hope you are okay? Reading your story – exactly the same thing happened to me on 20th June 2020. I feel like such a fool.

Do hope it gets better

SK x
Stacy

June 25, 2020 at 2:46 pm

Hey me and my ex were together for 2 years he was married but separated, when I met him he had no home no stuff no car no money so I supported him he was on sofas in caravans then in a really rundown area I helped him get the job he now loves the car he loves and he’s now has a nice place to live he always promised me he would get divorced and be a family as we both have children last year I found messages to his wife saying about he loved her he begged me back blah blah blah then he said last week he doesn’t want a divorce so I left he tried contacting me for a few days then stopped I had said it was over but I did try to sort things out with him , he said no we are over and he needs to be on his own so I said ok I blocked his number to stop us contacting each other then 2 days later he phones me off a private number saying he has been feeling crap so I messaged him that night as he reached out to me first and text him saying do you want to start over on a clean slate or cut our losses and he replied I want to be on my own so I said ok il let you move on take care and changed my number it’s been a week now I really miss him just think does he miss me
Quin

June 22, 2020 at 12:33 am

My ex and i broke up 3 months ago. We were in LDR. Days after the break up, he said he misses me but I didn’t respond. I rrsonded after a week and i gave a hint that i want to reconcile. But he said he need to find a job before we can start again. Why does he go from “i miss you” to “i need space” in just a week? I went crazy and this is where the begging started. I begged for two months and he replies to me. But gets angry whenever i ask questions about our relationship and tells me to move on. But the next morning he will send me a message telling me calmly that he just needs to find a job and we can be together. It’s been a week since i went NC. Do yu think we can still have a chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 17, 2020 at 11:44 pm

Hey Quin, sometimes when people go through a break up they get panicked at the thought of losing their ex so they want to get back together. But when his emotions settled he realised that he did in fact want some space and time. So give him that and follow a 30 day No Contact period where you read all the articles on this website to help you along through the program

Shelly

June 16, 2020 at 8:01 pm

Hi :]
My ex and I broke up before 3 months. We were best friends and in the end, there were trust issues he couldn’t get over on. He was mad at me because of mistakes I did( I did not cheat) but I lied a lot and talked to my friend about him. I regret that. And I’m actually feeling much more forgiven to myself, because I know I did that because I was so insecure and tend to close my self when I’m angry or frustrated. I bagged in the first months for several day during this month. But eventually, I let it go. I gave him space. He still likes my posts, I can sense he still “search” for me in social media. And he said that he will always love me when we broke up, and that the break up happened because his need for space and quiet and get over his anger towards me, and not because he is not loving me. He even mentioned that time can heal and help in our situation, and that he liked to talk with me – and that’s what painful the most.
Also, He said he can’t trust me and because of that he can’t see a healthy relationship with me (right now).we didn’t talked for 2 months, and next month I have a birthday. And I have this exceptions that he will reach out.
I don’t know how he feels. I can tell he miss me. I can tell he loves me. I can tell he is “searching” for me In social media. But. He didn’t reach how so far. I did managed to improve my self and take care of my fears, my insecurities and my patience. I’m giving my self each day another challenge. And I’m really trying to keep been busy as much as I can. But it’s so hard. How can I make sure he will reach out? Is trust something that can be forgiven during time, even though we didn’t talked? I’m keeping my expectations low, for not disappoints later. I’m starting to think that “the right time” to contact him, if he will not contact me, will never come. Should I contact him if he will not reach out till my birthday? Do I even have a chance by the things I’ve just describe?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 4, 2020 at 10:23 am

Hi Shelly, I would start following the program this means that you need to start doing No Contact where you are NOT focusing on him. You’re over thinking when you say you know he misses you and loves you, searching for you on social media, you have no solid proof this is just your thoughts. It is not following No Contact, or is it you focusing on yourself and your Holy Trinity. You need to start working on yourself, and change your mindset. You cannot MAKE him reach out. This program suggests that you reach out first after your No Contact is over. I suggest you read more articles so that you understand how to follow the program correctly

Sarah

June 7, 2020 at 8:32 pm

Hi. My ex ended things with me and I immediately deleted him on all socials. After initially speaking in the few days after (him saying it wont work, me saying I’d like to try), ignored my 2x attempts at contact in the following 2-3 weeks. I left it 2 more weeks before I dropped his stuff off outside. He initially replied thanks but when I told him I missed him he blanked me after asking what I meant. I haven’t contacted since however he is following new girls on social media some from right after the break up (he had opened his instagram to public around 5-6 weeks after the split hence how I know). Is there a point in contacting him again? It has currently been 20 days since he last ignored me/I made contact.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 11:15 pm

Hi Sarah, if you want your ex back then yes you need to reach out again but I suggest leaving it for 21 days of the last interaction. During which time you need to read the texting articles to prepare for your first reach out using Chris methods. Working through your Holy Trinity and becoming the best version of yourself

Matt

June 2, 2020 at 4:31 am

Hi, so my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 3 days ago. We haven’t been in contact at all since then. No texts, calls, messages on social media, or anything. I want to reach out to her, but I’m a bit nervous and scared on how she’ll respond, if at all. What do I do? She hasn’t expressed any interest in even talking to me either. It has been completely silent.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 3, 2020 at 9:44 pm

Hey Matt I would suggest that you stick to a 30 day No Contact before reaching out to your ex

Ashley

May 28, 2020 at 10:11 pm

Hello. After 5 years of remaining single, I met a man who was 8 years younger than me. Me being 34 and him being 26. We fell in love, and he came to me at 8 months saying he needed to focus on himself and his career. After not speaking, he contacted me a week later telling me he loved me and he had made a mistake. During this time, I found out I was pregnant. He said we would figure it out and then broke up with me again. He blocked me on everything, and emailed me saying he respectfully wanted to move on with his life. I want to know how to change his heart and complete the no contact rule if when I do get into contact with him again, there is no way to do that aside from email.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 10:26 pm

Hi Ashley, there is no way you can MAKE him change his mind all you can do is figure out what is best for you and baby. Read about Holy Trinity and Ungettable and work on that while you are blocked. I would suggest that you keep him updated pregnancy wise with emails but do not reach out to talk about anything else.

Dave

May 19, 2020 at 7:25 am

Hello, my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 5.5 years. We are both 25. We both discussed getting married and were ecstatic to do so. However, I never had a real conversation and set up a real timeline … she probably didn’t think I was committed as I was in my head. In hindsight, I was emotionally abusive as I called her names during fights and never took any interest in what she loves. But in reality it was all I wanted. She hasn’t spoken to me in 40 days but as all of my friends and family say, that we both had that one obvious true love.. at least at one point. She loved me and it was so obvious. But I hurt her by ignoring her and didn’t even realize it at the time. I’ve texted a few times but was never overwhelming. It’s been 40 days and the most I’ve went is 17 days no contact. Is there still a chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 9:38 pm

Hi Dave, so you need to complete a full period of No Contact and work on your emotional control in that time, find things that help you cope when you feel that you need to reach out to her. Read some articles about the types of texts to send to your ex after you have completed a 45 day No Contact

jordan

May 9, 2020 at 9:10 am

hi again. i have done no contact for around 30 days three times with the same result, him calmly and cold saying we will never meet again because the negative weighs so much more than the positive. he barely wants to talk to me. again, he doesn’t remember how the positive memories felt, and thinks him+me=negativity. ive been working on holy trinity as well as posting happy stuff in socialmedia but it doesn’t seem like his mind is changing at all. that is why i am wondering if it is actually possible that he will never be able to remember (the feeling of) the peak and our good times, and can stay in his negative rut for ever? is it actually possible that he will be this cold and fed up and refuse to have contact forever? i can’t understand how that’s the case when i know he still loved me breaking up with me. i’m really starting to lose hope here as rtime is passing, and i don’t know what to do.
Nathaniel

May 8, 2020 at 5:51 pm

I like your analogies, they are very direct. The world is built on perspective, so use intuition. I am one that’s become greatly appreciative of my intuitive feelings, it helps me prepare. I have been very emotional and sensitive, even when I was little. My last breakup came at me fast and hard. It was out of the blue, though I knew it would end. All my past relationships have ended like this, I date, mess up and get dumped. I use words and thoughts to express my love. Constantly looking for a solution and compromise. Usually people are afraid to leave me, they may feel sorry. Though I never would know, cause I eventually stop caring. I express how I feel at the end, if it’s not reciprocated in a civil manor. I state what I feel went wrong and what I did. I try and figure out why love was lost. Eventually I get nothing but silence. My self reflection doesn’t work, my personal changes never help. Then the I get asked to be a friend, I’m a loner. What good is talking every once in awhile. That’s not friendship, that’s giving someone an opportunity to judge you. Social media says it all in the end, once that status goes to single. It ends up just being old memories of failure. They both partners wait to see who dates first and judges their ex’s partner. I remember the beginning of my last relationship. My ex had a picture of us, then a ex-partner made a racist remark. She didn’t really say anything, just agreed that I was Mexican. Which I’m not, so I carried those emotions for a long time. Angry and hurt, I knew she would repeat the same behavior. She eventually did, and we haven’t spoke in almost 3 years. I just chose to walk away from her and the friends we had in common. I just hope she can finally find someone who can take care of her.
Eunice I Martinez

May 6, 2020 at 10:51 pm

What if I broke up with him and I did no contact for two weeks and I only reached out to apologize and take accountability on my part of The Break-Up? He didn’t respond, and I’m back in no contact now but have I ruined my chances altogether by sending that message? Is there anyway I can get them back after the fact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 11, 2020 at 10:19 pm

Hey Eunice, you have not ruined your chances but you are going to have to follow a 45 day NC this time around

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157 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”