What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don't Contact You

157 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

Sara

September 22, 2019 at 11:15 pm

Hi Chris,

My bf dumped me earlier this month. He said he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore and he’s not happy with who he is when he’s talking to me. We are both going through stressful situations outside the relationship, and I thought things would get better. This breakup came out of the blue for me, so when it was happening I didn’t know how to process it and I just didn’t say anything. A week later, I texted him my thoughts about our breakup, basically saying he gave up. He never texted me back and I have not heard from him since he broke up with me. Although I know he won’t respond, a big part of me really hopes he does. It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up and 1 week of no contact. Should I keep going with no contact or will he actually one day reply back to me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 23, 2019 at 5:00 pm

Hi Sara, so you keep going with NC until the 30 days are up and work solely on your and being your best version of yourself again. Even if your ex doesn’t reach out in that time you can still send a first text. Read, read and read as much of the information as you can. This whole website is full of information for you to know how to do NC properly as well as what to do after its over

Sia

August 24, 2019 at 8:58 am

It’s been exactly 2 months we haven’t interacted and it’s been 1and half months for me not to contact him at all! He broke up with me because we recently found out he has got diabetes type 1 and that is preventing him to be with me. I tried a lot to explain diabetes or not I wanna be with him but he stopped picking my calls, reverting my mails, text anything. In fact I tried helping him in diabetes thing he is not even ready to take that! I am concern and hope is getting dull. I still miss him and I do want to be with him in ya situation but he is just not ready for anything. I feel terrible at the end of all this because my heart is in right place for him but he fails to understand it. Will he ever comeback or realize!
Rose

December 7, 2018 at 8:15 pm

Not sure what to do. My ex and i ended our relationship of 5 years. Its been already about 4 months since the breakup. We lived together and i finally moved out not even a month ago. While we were living together it was not easy, lots of fights, yet we did still kept in contact. Kind of had to. When I moved out there was alot of hard feelings and fights about who gets what etc.., and about 5 days later he went on a business trip for 2 weeks. He has accused me of being with another guy, when I have not, and he has sent some nasty text messages which I did not reply to. I decided to go into no contact, over the course of 2 weeks we did not talk for 10 days. (As I did not reply or answer his calls) they were all negative. Finally he reached out again around day 11. And said he still loves me and he really wants to talk, he called me more than 7 times over the course of 4 days and left voicemails. Said he was sorry with everything has has happened.. then on ththe 5th day he called again and I answered. He says he was so happy i answered and he just wants to talk about us, and start building us up again. (This is all while he has been away) we texted for a while that day, it was all positive. I finally ended the conversation at the peak of it telling him i had to run because i had dinner plans. He said okay and that he would be here if I wanted to talk later. As the night went on I didnt contact him but he texted me at 1 am asking to talk, but i was already in bed and didnt reply…. the next day I guess he got back from his trip and sent a negative message about one of the items I took with me when i moved out (which was mine). I replied kindly about how I didnt want to fight and that what’s done is done. & he sent a bunch of sad faces… and i didnt reply… and I havent heard from him it’s been 3 days later. How would i moved forward. Attempt no contact again, or reach out to him, or wait for him to reach out to me? He did say he still loved me etc… ugh not sure what to do.
Charlotte

October 14, 2018 at 5:48 am

Hi Chris. A lot of your articles have really helped me..so thank you.

My bf and I dated for about 1 year, and just recently broke up at the end of my senior year in college. We’ve been broken up since end of May 2018. I broke up w him bc I was having identity issues and didn’t know who I was becoming as an adult and he still had another year in school. He was soooo heartbroken, and so was I. I regretted it a week later and asked to get back together. He told me to wait a month with no talking to make sure it was something I really wanted to do in the end because he said he couldn’t go through that breakup again. We waited a month and then I contacted him wanting to talk and tell him that it’s def something I wanted, he told me that he still doesn’t know if he wants to get back (I believe, trust issues that I wouldn’t do it again). After a couple weeks, it seems it basically just turned into him saying that he wanted to focus on himself while he’s in school. But sometimes when we’ve FaceTimed, I’ve started crying while talking and telling him how the reasons why I did what I did were fair bc all the pressures of senior year that he is currently feeling is what I was feeling just shortly before him. He’s told me that if we’re meant to be together that it will happen, but he’s glad I’m moving on because he said it would be unfair for me to wait while he’s figuring himself out. To be honest, I really dont want to move on. Our relationship was so so amazing that I see us getting back together to either find out that we’re not meant for each other or that we needed that breakup to grow up Alittle, but it’s the unknowing that scares me. As of now, I told him that I don’t want to talk to him unless he has an intention behind it (i.e. get back together) because it hurts too much. But recently, I’ve been feeling ok with keeping that communication open without pressure because I really enjoy having him in my life (His uncle, grandpa died, parents divorce this year so I know how much he has to deal with already). I hope that keeping that communication open, and when we do talk, working w the chemistry that him and I have together will make it hard for him not to try again or continue talking.

He’s told me that I’m someone he sees himself w in the future but he’s just figuring himself out rn. I’m just not sure if he’s just saying this so he doesn’t have to blatantly tell me that he doesn’t want to get back together or if he’s genuinely confused.

I gave him an example of how my brother and his ex gf are working things out but they didn’t talk for a couple months in the meantime, and he wanted to know how long they went without talking as a benchmark for our relationship.

Do you think there’s any hope? I just don’t know when the timeline is when guys end up missing someone…?

Chris Seiter

October 14, 2018 at 9:27 pm

Hi Charlotte!

I am glad the articles help. Check out the videos and podcasts too! I am sorry your ex hurt you so much. I usually recommend 21 to 45 days for No Contact. Take a look at my home page and you will see I offer several resources that dive deeper into the ex recovery process.

Gabrielle

October 8, 2018 at 7:27 pm

Hi Chris, three months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me and I have been through the process of the pendulum. I really want him back but the thing is I don’t want to contact him. He left me really hurt and broke off with me by text. I just want to know how he feels and I just didn’t get closure and it just really hurts.

Chris Seiter

October 9, 2018 at 12:38 am

I know Gabrielle what you are going thru can feel agonizing. Sometimes, you really never get the closure you hope for. If you aim is to try and get him back, put closure on the backburner and focus on your ex recovery plan which by the way, I suggest you consider the resources I offer to folks!

Emily

October 7, 2018 at 9:57 pm

Hey Chris recently my ex didn’t contact me anymore and yesterday when I call him he told me he misses me and how he wanted to cuddle me and feel me in his arms also he told me he doesn’t want to be friends with me and it’s for the best that he wants to go separate ways with me and he told me that he won’t text me anymore and how he won’t call me. He told me I shouldn’t call him and I feel that he wants to be with me but he doesn’t want to and how he still confused on what he wants but he said to me that he wants to move on and how he wanted me to move on from him completely but I really want him back and let him see that he still want to be with me instead of telling me that he wanted to move on do you have any advice for me to fix this situition he told me if we do we be friends in the future it will happen but I’m not sure if he doesn’t want me back for the moment since he still think about me and have fantasy about me and it shows that he still want to be with me but he the way he told me that he wanted to move on is it just for the moment will he change his mind when he told me he doesn’t want to be with me rn to I want to be with you for the long run should I do no contact but knowing that he won’t contact me if I don’t contact him since he doesn’t want to talk to me and wants to be alone what should I do about this and he didn’t block my number should I still contact him or call him or just leave him alone and let him come to me if he feels like talking to me. Any suggestion or idea I should solve this. Thanks. Should I work on myself and let my ex come to me on his own and let him have time to think if he wants to be with me and let him message me even tho he said he won’t will it change anytime soon. I don’t want us to be completely strangers. Will he come back if I be more independent and not aggressive.

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 10:43 pm

Hi Emily!

So he really does seem confused as he words are all over the place. Its interesting what you said about he may be enthralled still with the “fantasy” of you. Its called having a “fantasy bond”. So maybe he does. Or not. Time will tell. It may be he needs more time to get in touch with his true feelings and realize, after some perspective, your value to him. I think a hard no contact approach is not what you want to do. Better to just pull back…sort of soft no contact. But if he reaches out, be kind, but in no hurry. Take things slow.

Nina

October 6, 2018 at 10:41 am

Hi Chris, I need to know if there is a chance for me to get my ex back again.. because we broke up once after 3 months of dating, then when we got together we dated for like a year and now he broke up because he realised that we’re just not compatible, the first time the no contact rule worked, but I feel like this time he was determinated that I should move on.. should I try at least?

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 3:34 am

Hi Nina!

So its unclear what is really going on in his head. So why not try NC again. Make sure you do it the way I teach it. I cover it in great detail in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, so check that out!

Alyssa

September 30, 2018 at 8:58 pm

Hi Chris,

An ex and I broke up about a month ago and we remained in contact for a couple weeks after, but it was mostly just me pining after him. I started to implement NC and have been making many efforts to focus on myself. He was the last one to respond in our texts and I didn’t reply, but he hasn’t contacted me since. Until recently (I’m not sure if this counts as “contact”) he matched with me on tinder. I know it could’ve been a chance that he was just swiping and we accidentally matched, but I don’t think it was that. We never matched while we were together, (I brought it up cause I wondered why he never swiped right on me) and he said it was because he never gets on it and he wouldn’t be able to keep up with anyone on it. I might be reading into it too much, especially considering he hasn’t messaged me, but if it wasn’t an accident, why do you think he would’ve swiped right on me? To get my attention?? To see if I’m still hooked?

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2018 at 3:28 am

Hi Alyssa!

I am glad you are focusing on yourself. NC gives you an opportunity to accomplish many things. Not sure about the matching, but I would stick with your ex recovery plan as I teach it in my program.

Amanda

September 27, 2018 at 2:57 am

Hi Chris,

My LDR ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He said he really needs the space to calm down if he can continues the relationship with me. So he asked for a month NC and chose a day to start the conversation again after NC. We didnt talk since then. He was being so confusing to me. He told me that he needed to break up with me because i got angry easily (i always apologized after i said shit – i know thats not right). But then he told me that he didnt want to breakup because he loved me so much. So he needed to calm down to see if he can deal with this or i can really manage to change.
He said he would be jealous of guys if i hang out with during this period of time, so he wouldnt hang out with girls as well. And more information is that we were about to end the long distance before we broke up. He was supposed to move to live with me. So i felt so terrible when he broke up with me. But he also said if we really get back together, he will move to live with me like what we have planned.
Im wondering if he is really taking time to think, try not to upset me or try to find another girl and see me as a back up?
How high chance do you see in us?
I just dont want to give up on us. I love him so much. And we already planned that we are going to get married if living together goes well, plus both of our parents already met each other. People around us really saw us an amazing couple.
I have prepared myself that he may not want to get back together and try to live my own life. I feel like this is like giving a shot to our relationship.
Thank you!

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:11 am

I Amanda!

Sometimes space and time helps a guy get his head screwed on right and realize what he had and what he is missing. I am glad my site is helping you help yourself.

Krystal

September 26, 2018 at 10:34 am

Hi Chris,

Krystal here again. I guess what I was solely going for out of all of that is wondering if my odds of getting him back are lower or even nonexistent because of my “gnatting”??

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:25 am

Hi Krystal…don’t worry so much about the gnatting…It happens with lots and lots of folks. Sure, its not ideal, but there are plenty of things you can do as part of your ex recovery plan to overcome the mistakes you may have made earlier. Pick up my book “Pro” or tap into all the resources here to help you along!

Krystal

September 25, 2018 at 4:55 pm

Hi Chris,

I stumbled upon your website after a “break up” and possibly a little too late, but I’m still attempting the NC rule now to see if it can save anything. Just a warning: long, elaborate and confusing (for me) story ahead!

My ex and I had been dating for only a little over month before things went south. I know it’s not very long, and I’ve gotten over exes that I’ve dated for much longer much faster, but this guy was definitely SO different that, well… I’m on this website commenting to you. Anyway, things were awesome, even amazing, up until maybe like 6 weeks into being together, when a misunderstanding caused me to freak out on him. He had always been a bad texter and whatnot, so I’d never worry if I didn’t hear from him for hours. This specific instance, I had told him something about myself that can sometimes be deal breaking, but he seemed okay with it. I was still weary because we talked (even less) after said convo. Not too long after, I didn’t hear from him for almost a day. I still wasn’t too worried until I noticed he had (appeared) to block me on snapchat. I was confused when I saw it and texted him. No reply. I called him and texted him again. No reply. At this point it had been 24 hours since I heard from him. Anyway, fast forward another 24 hours, 10 texts, and 3 calls later, he finally responds to me and apologizes that he just deleted his snapchat (when you delete your snapchat, your account still exists, it just looks like that person deleted you) and was just asleep all weekend. He says he’s not sure how he feels about how I reacted. The next week after that, we didn’t really talk much (we usually talked everyday) and didn’t get to see each other due to our work schedules and him going out of town. Another week goes by of the same thing, which I was used to because of our work schedules (we’re military so it’s very inconsistent). During this second week, days go by without getting a response from him. This worries me and I become even more of a “gnat,” as I’ve seen you call it. Two weeks go by since my initial “freak out” and we hadn’t talked about what happened yet or anything (we were waiting to see each other.) When he finally gets back to me after about 5 days of me texting him and not getting a response, he says he just kept getting caught up in stuff and didn’t know how to respond to what I was saying. He gets to the point where he doesn’t respond to me at all unless my message is me trying to officially break things off. Weeks had gone by since I had seen him, which I was prepared for, but when he was available again, he kept bailing on our plans. After the last time he bailed about a week ago, I came across this website and discovered/started implementing the NC rule (even though we never officially broke up??) because before I would text him every other day at least and try to talk to him. I guess what’s confusing is that he doesn’t seem to completely want to let me go, but isn’t trying to keep me around either. We talked about it a little and he said he saw my initial “freakout” as a red flag and me being irrational. He said he didn’t know how to feel about it, wanted to give me “time to cool off” (which was when i thought he was ignoring me) but he realized that just “fanned the flame.” I’m not someone who freaks out and does that stuff often over every little thing, it’s just that I have had guys actually end things with me like that and I thought that’s what he was doing. I know this isn’t all on me because his communication skills are god awful. His friends told me that I’m the first girl they’ve seen him with in years, so that’s why I’ve been so patient.

Anyway, I guess what I’m wondering is if I should even be bothering?At this point, I’m ready to give up and move on with my life if I need to. I know I need to do the NC for myself, and I am, but I would love to keep this guy in my life seeing as I have truly never felt this way about anyone. I’ve even thought about becoming a client of yours but I think at this point it’s either hit or miss since I’ve dug myself into a deeper hole by being a “gnat”… It’s such an odd situation for me because guys usually either completely ghost/ignore when they’re done or just tell me straight up that they’re done, and he has done neither…. Any advice would be useful!! Thank you!!

Chris Seiter

September 25, 2018 at 9:08 pm

Hi Krystal!

Don’t be too hard on yourself Krystal! All of us make plenty of mistakes during breakup and gnatting and feeling desperate and clingy are not uncommon behaviors. What is important is taking lessons from the past and passing the forward. No Contact will help you in many ways. Love to have you as a coaching client if you feel you need that. Also, consider picking up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as I dive into explaining how the NC process works in detail and about half of the book deals with personal recovery insights.

Marie

September 22, 2018 at 10:15 am

I know Chris. I have read your blog and I know that when we started, I was an UG, I got a big investment of time and all, I made him “work” for me… And since the break up I was too “easy to get”. But now I don’t even have contact and I can’t initiate and even if I am very active in social media, I am afraid he has erased me of his mind. I know that the only move I can play is “moving on without moving on” but it’s too hard and… I miss him. I can’t help it. And thinking that other girl may have what I had, without the disadvantages of a LDR and with me out of sight,, out of mind… I feel powerless

Chris Seiter

September 23, 2018 at 4:45 pm

Hi Marie!

Once an UG….always a UG! If he can’t find his way back to you, its his loss. You are going to get thru this. Many paths to happiness for you to follow.

Marie

September 21, 2018 at 5:21 pm

I was in an extended NC (60) days after being kinda “rejected” for my ex, a year and a half after the break up. He was sending mixed singnals and one day kinda “rejected” me without having done or asking him anything (it was him who was proposing plans “for us” at distance and saying that he was happy and looking forward to do that things. But in a day he changed his mind). That last conversation ended up being “friendly” but since then, we didn’t text each other and I can’t initiate even if the 60 days have passed two days ago. I did NC (30 days) another times and he always texted. Not this time. And I suspect he is now dating another girl which lives near to him (we live in opposite sides of the country). It would be a serious case of greener grass because he hates LDR so with her near, no problem. He forgot about me forever, it seems. I use very well my social media, keep working on become the supercharged UG but nothing. I don’t know what to do. I can’t move on, I love him and I just want a chance. Can you help me please? I need him to initiate because due the circumstances (the “rejection”, the possibility of him being with another girl…) I can’t initiate, it would be awful. But it seems I’m dead to him

Chris Seiter

September 21, 2018 at 11:41 pm

Hi Marie!

Remember Marie…you are not fully healed or the UG you want to be if you still feel he “has” to be in your life. Once you are in a place where you know you can move on, then you are empowered. And that actually helps you in so many ways.

Sara

September 21, 2018 at 12:53 pm

I was texting my ex over a month few days a week. He reach out first only at my birthday so it’s like 10/1. I was joking and he wanted to talk with me. I started to make the conversation more emotional I didn’t wanted it shallow. Finally I asked him very politely if he have any feelings cause I want to tell him about my pat 2 month what’s changed and I’m curious. He said yes, but it’s not the same and he wants to be alone. I said that I respect that and told him that getting back together isn’t my goal, that I have feelings but now focusing on myself and it’s not the most important thing in my life. He became a little cold. I felt that he doesn’t trust me. He is a lil paranoid character and he had a stalker ex. I asked him if he’s afraid of me that I might be the same and he said I don’t know. He’s really stressed and tired because of work and he can’t handle it so I think he might be in bad mood all the time. Is it a good idea to wait 2 weeks when he will finish and then try to speak with him again? I don’t want him to feel worst than he feels because of work. I hope that he will reach out first. What do u think? Is it a good idea to distant myself now?

Chris Seiter

September 21, 2018 at 4:22 pm

If he is that stressed….probably a good idea to give him space.
Chris Seiter

September 21, 2018 at 4:22 pm

If he is that stressed….probably a good idea to give him space.

conflicted

September 19, 2018 at 3:14 pm

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex broke up two months ago. I started a conversation with him about me not being happy about how we were, even though my intention was not to break up (I didn’t even know what my intensions were, just that I had to say something), we ended up mutually breaking things off. I didn’t want to but I believed that was the only way we could both accept.

I’ve spent these past two months processing and understanding why I was unhappy, now I see that many of the reasons were things that are completely my own problems (with which he’s been nothing but supportive of me about). I realised what I thought he was not giving me was never something he could’ve given me. It was about who I am inside and how I’ve been treating my life. Our relationship was good although not faultless, but we rarely spoke about what bothered us because it’d be so good (I dare say magical: we’re different but we work so well on so many levels) when we were together we wouldn’t even remember why we would be upset with each other, and so we kinda just let things slide, and never really even think about these things.

I know I’ve been experiencing the typical breakup sadness shebang, but I know I’m not just afraid of being single so I want him back, I think it was right to break up because I needed that space to reflect and work on myself, but I do want a clean slate and try again with my ex. Since the break we’ve had basically no contact, but I’ve recently texted him at a time of crisis (slight panic attack where a traumatic thing we went though together happened but I didn’t say why then). He replied a week later and said we should spend some time alone and check in in a few months. I told him I understand and briefly explained why I reached out, wished him well and left it like that.

I do want another chance with him. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

September 20, 2018 at 1:02 am

So checking back in a few months is kind of a brush off. I think you might want to consider putting him on the NC shelf for awhile while you focus on your healing and recovery activities.

« Previous 1 … 3 4 5

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

157 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”