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Brittany
November 26, 2014 at 3:55 pm
My boyfriend of only 4 months recently broke up with me. We had a rather tumultuous relationship, where we lacked communication and would always drink excessively around each other when we would hang out. He is in the army and I only get to see him twice a week at most; so, going out downtown for dinner and drinking with friends is what we would resort to. There were a combination of reasons for why he broke up with. He found texts from an ex that were not of the cheating variety, but still the communication was there. As well, I tend to be mean and rude when I drink. After a while, he just got tired of dealing with it. We were staying in a hotel room together and as we were walking back, he grabbed my phone from my hand and ran into the hotel room, shutting the door in my face. He went through my text messages, saw all that he needed to see, opened the door, and threw all my belongings out into the hallway. He said he was done with me and ran away from me. I tried calling and apologizing over and over the next day, begging for him to at least meet me in person to discuss things. He said he was done fighting with me and wanted nothing to do with me; that he was done with this “little distraction” and would go about focusing on his career/training from here on out. I let things cool down and tried texting him again the following day, just to wish him well. I knew it was over…but, he surprisingly responded, asking me if I even remembered Saturdsy night. He recounted the details, since I was very drunk that night and later on divulged that he cared about me, but felt foolish for ever thinking I was cut out to be an army guy’s girlfriend. I repeatedly asked for him to give me a chance to change and prove how much I cared about him. He sent a few more angry texts, again, denying me the chance. I stopped responding. Later that next day, he texted me…told me he was not angry anymore, that he knew I was sorry and had made a mistake, and that he was honestly torn about his decision of breaking up with me. He said he needed to think over some things. Then, that night, he texted me and asked me if I wanted to drive down to see him that weekend to talk things out in person. I asked him to first call me on the phone, so I could get a sense of what exactly he wanted to talk about. I was nervous he just wanted to yell at me and make me feel worse about myself. But, he said that wasn’t his intent for meeting in person. He said he wanted to see me and asked me if I knew he cared about me. I said I didn’t know he did because he acted so cold and distant towards me after he broke things off. We agreed to check our schedules and that I would text him later this week to figure out a day/time this weekend to meet up. He hasn’t texted me today at all…I wasn’t expecting him to because we are not dating as of right now…But, what would make him want to all of a sudden reevaluate things? Did my begging work? And what does he think he’s going to accomplish by just meeting up and talking in person? He made it very clear that he doesn’t intend on getting back together just yet, but wants to hang out and see how we do for a couple hours sober together. I feel like I’m being tested and it’s frankly taking a toll on my pride.
admin
November 28, 2014 at 2:25 pm
I rarely think begging works.
Whats wrong with hanging out together without drinking? Why is that taking a toll on your pride?
Tamsin
November 25, 2014 at 8:04 pm
Chris I have a question,
My boyfriend was such a great boyfriend, our relationship was great but I know he has a history of being a coward with girls breaking up and so he even tried to disappear (leave the country) without breaking up with me properly.
Since that didn’t happen, we still broke up and he is still due to leave. I have not contacted him since then- about 3 weeks- but I think he is the type that thinks he was the best boyfriend and expects me to contact him first saying how I’ll never find anyone like him.
This weekend was really hard but I got invited to a show and everybody commented how glamorous I looked and I posted some of the pics on my fb. The next day I see that he changed his profile pic, (lovely pic) but he hasn’t changed it for over a year previously… I don’t think thats a coincidence knowing what I know about him.
My question is, he’s such a coward will no contact/the inner struggle push him to grow some balls and contact me first?
admin
November 26, 2014 at 3:02 pm
It’s ok to contact him first after NC.
I don’t think women should get so caught up in a guy contacting them first all the time. Sometimes you have to play a few games to get him to do that consistently. Hook him first.
joline
November 25, 2014 at 6:07 pm
My ex and I were friends before we entered into a relationship. When we broke up we decided to stay as friends but now he’s confusing me and I dont know what he wants. We got friendly and hanged with our friends, then after a few days he asked me for a movie date (which i dont know if it was a serious movie date or a casual one) but i declined. Next thing I know, he became cold to me but called me out in school even when I was far away. After a while, he suddenly called me at 11pm to ask for directions to a place where we always used to go. Then the following week, I texted him to ask him something important, it was simple and direct to the point and it ended promptly but after a few hours he texted me randomly, said he reminisced about us because of a song. How do I interpret his actions?
admin
November 26, 2014 at 2:57 pm
Positive if he is reminded of you by a song. That’s a text a guy sends when he still has feelings.
Daniela
November 24, 2014 at 7:05 pm
Hello Chris,
First I wanted to thank you for all this tips to get an ex boyfriend back. I have follow most of them. I broke up with my boyfriend 10 months ago because I felt I didn’t trust him enough and also felt very insecure. After no contact for about 2 months we started talking again and he apologize and felt terrible for letting me go. However, with time with were on and off talking and trying to fix things, he did not wanted to get back at first because he was confuse then he said he knew he wanted to be with me but we always fought, until I finally felt that I couldn’t do it anymore talking and stop talking for a while so I told him I wanted to get back but if he wanst sure that is fine to take his time but I was not gona sit here and wait. With out a doubt and fear I started concentrating on me and going out more, during all this 10 months of the break up there were few guys trying to date me, but I wasn’t interested until one of them caught my attention. This guy is handsome and well educated but hes more like a player, since he hasn’t never been in a long term relationship. Well to make the story short, while my ex and I were talking we agree to not get see other people while trying to work things out, but after talking to him and not getting any response and a month passing by and been ignore I felt I wanted to start meeting new people. so this guy kept texting me but I made it clear that if he wanted to sleep with me that wasn’t gona happen, and we can only hang out with other people around if he was gona tried. Well that txt was only two days before my ex called me out of the blew and said he wanted me back. When he did I was happy and he came to see me (he leaves 4hrs away). We had an amazing two days together and went to a wedding but during that time this other guy txted me and my ex was furious to see him after he left, which is not true because what he did not see on the text is that I told him I was working things out with my ex and didn’t want to see him, and he didn’t see this because I spoke to him over the phone. Well now my ex doesn’t want to talk to me, hes very upset and thinks im a liar and was seeing someone else behind his back. Please help me, would he every come back or look for me again and get back together?? I love him and he knows, Ive been always honest with him. I told him I was gona tell him anyways but we just didn’t have a chance that’s all.
admin
November 25, 2014 at 2:55 pm
What made you not trust him?
What made you have those thoughts?
Daniela
November 25, 2014 at 4:36 pm
The reason I didnt trust him is because I found a text at the beginning of the relationship where another girl and him were saying that before he met me they used to flirt but never try to date so they kind of wish they did then, but since they didnt he just hopes shes ok and that he was sorry that they stop talking for a while. That got me so upset and felt he wanted to be with her more than me, and ever since it was hard to let go. The other probken was that I started feeling insecure of myself and thought he will someone better than me, so instead of putting o my energy to get better I was to lose him so I let myself go for a while and juat put all my atention on him. Now what im doing is focussing on me and stuff i want to do and basically seems that attracted him more. But now tables flip and he thinks im seeing someone else when Im not. What do I do? Im at the point that im so tired of this back and forth and I dont want to look for him, and he doesnt look for me, I think i should just move on. It hurts me because i truly loves this man and want to be with him for the rest of my life but Idnt want to keep chasing him. Please help, after what i said would he look for me? Or let go? Do u think would get back together?
admin
November 26, 2014 at 2:01 pm
Well, that is definitely not the type of text that you’d ever want to run across.
I think there is still a shot of a reconnection here I think though you need to be stronger in your convictions and really become the ungettable girl for him.
Anonymous
November 21, 2014 at 12:02 am
Hi,
This problem can fall under a few topics: There’s a pretty big age difference, very long distance, and very possible rebound on his part.
I met a guy from another country through social media. We slowly became text friends,but he did let me know early on that he had a girlfriend and that he doesn’t cheat. I was fine with that, found it honorable/good character, and we became friends. Five months into our friendship, I was in his country and we arranged to meet up. I had a friend with me. We went to dinner, then a bar. He hung out for awhile then said he had to leave as he had promised his girlfriend he’d be back by a certain time. I only viewed him as a nice friend at the time. We continued to talk via text. I felt there was always an attraction, but nothing we acknowledged because the important thing is honoring his relationship and our just being friends.
Four months after we met in person, his girlfriend dumped him. I was consoling him, saying they could get back. He ensured me it was done. About 2 1/2 months later, he came to the U.S. with work. We arranged to meet up. We ended up kissing…alot. He said he was always attracted to me but doesn’t cheat, but now he’s free. He started texting me every day as if we were seeing eachother. About two weeks later, we did a four day trip together and had an amazing time. This is when we actually were physically intimate. It was comfortable, amazing, and felt right. He was affectionate in public. He had to travel after the fourth day but he still text me every day for the next 2 1/2 months and we had plans for another road trip. Two days before we were to meet up in the U.S., he received bad news, lost his main job, and his mother hurt herself. He started to beat himself up about how he can’t be there for her, or me, or anyone. He always got dumped from his girlfriends because his 2nd job takes him away for weeks at a time. I’m in the same field, so I understood more. This night he said he can’t do a long distance relationship with me. That it will just hurt me, and he cares too much for me to hurt me and doesn’t want to lose our friendship. At this point, we were more than friends, but I noticed he didn’t really put a title on us. He said he’s doomed to be alone, he felt like a bad son, a bad person. He said he knows he’ll regret this decision, and it’s the hardest thing he’s had to do…and that I’m the first girl he’s ever dumped. Lucky me. We argued a bit but then I gave up and said Goodbye. The next day he texts me “Hello.” I replied “?” He was frustrated that I still didn’t see his point about how he doesn’t want me to spend money on flights when he can’t return the favor and we won’t see eachother enough. Then invited me to meet up and talk. I hesitated at first, then met up. We got along well and I asked him if he wanted to do our original trip plan since we can actually see eachother. He agreed then almost friend zoned me at the beginning of our trip until I said to just enjoy our time together and stop thinking so much. We were then like boyfriend and girlfriend for the next 4 1/2 days. At the end, even though it took him an hour to say goodbye because he kept kissing and hugging me, he still felt we can’t do the long distance relationship. We made plans to see eachother for another road trip two weeks later and spoke every day like we were together. He was really excited about it then his work got cut short and he had to fly back to his country a few days before we were to meet. He was upset about the job loss and our plans getting cut.
I focused more on being there for him than whining about my not being able to see him. I suggested visiting him in his country in January. He said No. And remained that he doesn’t feel good about me spending money to see him and he can’t afford to fly here….and the time apart…same thing all over. I argued a little then said that he had already had a stressful day and I didn’t need to add to it. I said “I’m just gonna go.” Later on he said, “Going bowling. Miss you.” I was already two hours into No Contact. He text me a few times then knew in a day that I wasn’t speaking to him.I’m on day 8 of no contact and he has text sad faces and “I miss you” all but two days.
I feel like he likes me as a friend, and was attracted to me, but not emotionally available to be crazy about me. He wanted to talk to me every day like I’m his girlfriend..even after he said we can’t be together….but I don’t want to hold his hand up to the door of another relationship with some new girl. So….I’m letting him know what it’s like to live without me…and he’s not happy. But I’m not seeing any grand gestures or any emails where he opens up and actually speaks. I don’t respond to sad emoticons.
So chief, what do you think of all this? Rebound? Anything? (War & Peace is shorter than this email)
admin
November 24, 2014 at 4:04 pm
Were there any grand gestures at all throughout your time with him when you were dating?
lisa
November 16, 2014 at 5:05 pm
same lisa, just want to know.. what would you do next or think from this after you saw your ex and had a good time?
Saw ryan toady, first i was waiting outside for him to pick me up, and i was wearing my black tight skirt and lace crop top! and as soon as i saw him his face was just like woah? hahahaha literally! i got in the car then i said hey and he was so nervous, bless, and we just drove to city went to isa donburi or whatever had sashimi and sushi! and we kept talking and laughing nonstop, like i haven’t seen ryan that talkative in a long time! also the whole time he was like i bet you dont even eat much? im like i do! and saying are you on a diet? im like yeah haha i haven’t had rice in ages so it’s like filling! and i guess he saw i lost some weight and then we went i paid since it was his birthday and then i said lets go to timezone (arcade) and he was like lol okay. played tekken this fighting game and ice hockey and this car race game mtune or whatever, it was just pure fun as usual, we would always go timezone and chill and obviously laughing a lot while trying to teach me manual in the car game hahaha! then we went out… he said “so we go back to yours?” i said “err… why mine?” he said well cant go to mine haha? i got confused, since i didn’t know what he meant 1- drop me home or 2- do stuff alone? so i just randomly brought it up and said lets go to my friends kerry’s house.. (the place we used to go when we were together to have sex ) and no one was home.. so yeah we went to hers, and one thing lead to another.. he was more than keen LOL and jeez.. so much kissing :$ then i guess… we ended up having sex… we both wanted it since we were interested :$ then after like 1 and a half hour later… hahahahahaha (so exact with my detail lol)
my friend came and we quickly left… but before that i gave his present and made him close his eyes and hands out… then he opened and saw the gaming mouse and was like oh wow thanks cammi! thank you, and really happy and smiling, and saying “wow i know this, this is expensive, you shouldn’t have !! this is bought online, in euros! and at first he was speechless, bless his heart hehe so cute! then yeah… read the card laughed, and we got up to go, i said wheres my thanks hug and he hugged me then i said wheres my thanks kiss! and i didn’t think he would kiss me.. HAHA but he did… he kissed me on the lips, and then i said its okay, went in for another small kiss on his cheek tried lip.. but didn’t want to make it awkward i guess? but yeah!!! OVERALL was good…. laughed so much, talked heaps, listened to our songs in his car… and thats the funny thing.. as soon as i got in it was this artist jay chou, that i’ve been recently obsessed and yeah OH and also asking when im going to malaysia… and how he doesn’t know what to get for my birthday present im like dont worry ryan, nothing!
so yeahh then i got home he messaged “thanks again for the present ” i said glad you liked it ! and he said i did haha and how his napping now from being tired…
OHOH i almost forgot.. after sex, on the bed we were talking about his older brother and family problems.. he never ever tells anyone anything and because i know… so he told me whats been happening and i was so shocked.. for ryan to be open to me.. anyway his grandad had a stroke and is in rehab for walking and moving etc, physio! so he went to visit him today as well.
so …. what now? we’re on good speaking terms, obviously comfortable enough to hang out have lunch then play some arcade games laugh chill then go to a friends house and get close… sexually! and after he dropped me home, he went home and thanked me again for the gift 🙂
Sonja F
November 3, 2014 at 9:35 pm
Hey Chris,
So i was wondering about my situation. so 2days ago i found out that my ex-boyfriend was hanging out with another girl (i saw all her posts on his facebook). I found out because we stay in regular contact because we lived together for 6 years (in a relationship for 8 years). I asked him (over text) “have you found someone else ?” he said “I don’t know but i have been hanging out with a girl recently” (its be less then a month that we break up) – My heart sunk , and he invited me to come talk with him during his lunch break, well i didn’t know if i should but i went. We sat in silence for about 5 minutes. Then i told him i didn’t know what to say, and if he goal was to push me away he probably has. I asked if anything happened and he said they kissed, and that he don’t know about her but he said it was different because it was not me. He also said he don’t know what he wants, and he thinks it would be selfish for him to ask me to wait for him while he trys to figure out what he wants in life. (and he don’t want to cause me so much pain while he trying to figure out his life). When he left i touch his cheek and said “i love you” (i don’t know why, it just came out ,) and told me not to say that, and he looked hurt. I told him it was the truth i loved him for 8 years and will continue to love him. He told me that it was only what i had pictured (me and him) for my future, and i said that if that was true then i would not care so much i could just replace him in this “picture” no problem but i can’t. He hugged him before he had to leave and i didn’t hug him back, he asked him to but i didn’t and he left, looking pretty sad and distressed.
So the next day he came over. We packed up a lot of his stuff from the apartment we living in together for 2 years (lived together over our 8 year relationship for 6 years.) After we went for a walk to a talked more. He said he was still unsure about everything ….. Me , this other girl (even though it he said that he still was going to hang out with her – said he did not have sex with her but he saw that as a possibility in the future) I did asked him if he loved me…. he said he could not say yes or no to that right now. So we then decided to go get some drinks. both got two drinks and then shared a 3rd. (we talked, about work, friends, old times , laughed and smiled) also he kept tapping my foot with his foot under that table (unsure if he knew he was doing it or not).
I brought him back to his brother house (where he is staying) his brother’s family was gone so i came in and chatted, had a cigarette and we both went and jumped on the trampoline in the back yard. ( it something we did before with friends years back after drinks) After that i asked if we could watch a Sunday night show together ( he did not think it was a good idea because it was a show we watched before together ). We then started talking about the relationship ( i had told him before i didn’t think i could be he friend if there was no possibility of more). I told him i have a lot of fun with him, and he said we never really hung out much like this (the past year) so it was fun for him too. Then I proposed this: “I believe our old relationship is dead and i don’t want it back anyways. But i would like to see were we could go if we started over. We could get together and go on some dates and see where it goes, while working on yourself and living apart.” Tears started running down his face and i walked up to him and gave him a side hug. He said ” why do you want me so much i’m not anything great or special” and i said, you are wonderful and if you can’t see that in yourself he have a very low image of yourself, I’ve always thought you were wonderful even if i did not tell you it aloud” And i wiped his tears away and asked him to show me a smile, and he did. He then said “i Cant want that show with you tonight, but i will walk you to your car.” I agreed i did not want to push anything too much.
He gave me a hug, reminded me to continue packing up the apartment. Then gave me another hug and i said, just think of what i said , i don’t need a answer now, just think about it, and please don’t cry…. Be happy !
So i don’t know what this all means….. emotional roller coaster!!!!! ADVICE????
admin
November 20, 2014 at 2:51 pm
I think things are progressing positively. I say take him on another date (or make him take you on one.)
Moriah
October 28, 2014 at 5:17 am
I couldn’t get my comment to work on the page I was on and reading (Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back) so I am trying on here….
This has helped a little but my situation is one of those strange ones.
My ex was my first partner ever and I am 21. I was actually very easy for him to get as I had never felt a connection with a guy like I did with him so everything was really easy. Long story short things were amazing and he told me he loved me, but things went really fast. He ended up freaking out and started flirting with other girls and planned to meet up with them. I confronted him, he got angry and ended things when I still wanted him. I did the no contact thing for about a week and he contacted me and we talked and ended up getting back together.
We have been together for about a year now (only been 2 weeks without him) and things were going really well. In the last month however I became very much the girl who would compliment him all the time, give him presents all the time, contact him all the time (simply because I loved him and have a caring personality). I think this made him loose some interest when he asked for some space so I can focus on myself again. At this same time I was noticing him flirting more with other girls and new (attractive) girls would enter his life but would be ‘just friends’. I ended uphaving trust issues and became quite clingy and insecure. Keeping in mind that he has been cheated on before and therefore is also very controlling and would be very worried when he thought I might be flirting with other guys or he would assume I was checking someone out when I wasn’t etc… Because I became so insecure and he became less interested, he asked for an unofficial ‘break’ so we could take time for ourselves as he wanted things to work. I accepted his decision and worked on myself and sorted myself out without contact till now (there was an event we were both at after one week where he was talking to me and friendly because his mum was there and he didn’t want her to know we were on a break). It’s been the second week and during this time he has been openly flirting with a girl overseas and making plans to travel and see her. He has not talked to me about anything to do with us, but instead has just removed me as his partner on facebook and instagram. I am continuing to not talk to him.
I have no idea what to do from here. Just go with it until he asked to talk (I still have stuff at his house) or ask to talk myself and end it completely. As much as my friends don’t want me to take him back, I love him too much and can only remember the positives that I am willing to but want to be on top if it happens.
We have another event we are both going to separately (a music night). Should I ignore him, or flirt with other guys, or talk to him. I don’t know if you can help anymore than you have but thanks for the time.
admin
October 28, 2014 at 7:15 pm
Was he ever specifically hanging out with these new girls one on one though?
lisa
October 17, 2014 at 5:52 pm
ok well update.. last night… i got really upset since ryan was online on skype until 1:30 am.. and kept thinking who is he talking to :O ? why is he not gaming… anyway
well.. i was trying to get my point across as to why he is so mean and rude with the way he talks, i had enough
since my friend said in their group chat ryan did go city with his co – worker (some girl)
then my friend jenny checked his new friends on fb… and it was some lianaa chick from his work idk new zealand
not his type since she has piercings and stuff
then later he commented nice insta photo by the way i was like huh? it was a new photo with my ***** a bit showing … i was lying down..
and he seemed keen anyway,
then he said anyway going to sleep, gonna have a nice fap(*****) before bed (obvs as a joke)
and i said someones sexually frustrated, what even
he said wanna help?
i said HAHAHAHA who even says that
then i said.. how can i help
he said well are you willing is the question? aha
i said am i willing, lol mate, I’m 69% sure , he said go Skype, i said you’re so sick, i thought you were tired
: he said LOL okay yeah, never mind
i said um what don’t be a *****. he said haha what? i said are you even keen? he said go Skype i said nope, answer me, can’t just jump into Skype, and he said Skype answers your question honey , i said LOL , and he laugh hahahaa then i said true, k brb horn dawg. and he said “right back @ you
then we went on Skype and did stuff… he wanted to see my ***** “squirtle” (nickname he used to say) and i said nope not of that..
and then… yeah… i got him keen and teased then i showed.. and he said do this … i said nope then i said can we have sex again? he said why? i said i would be since i am… he said i don’t know , then during Skype he said if you can do this one thing… . ill have sex with you, i was like liar (something sexual he’s always wanted me to do.. i was too embarrassed)
he said no i promise! and then i did… for him.. I’ve never done it or let him see… then yeah… we went to bed he what sapped me “goodnight, sleep well x” i said you too x
so …. if he did sexual stuff with me again? would he really be interested with some girl.. that he was probably skyping until 1:30 am… then finally replied to me…
im so confused hahaha we talked today (day after) just about random stuff he barely replied since he took a nap and seemed busy but what does it mean?… if his interested sexually… im so happy no more niko.. but yeah.. and i want to add him on facebook since we talk, and no big deal..
lisa
October 16, 2014 at 5:42 am
hi chris, same lisa as always about my ex name ryan !
anyway so im glad the girl isn’t around anymore, she misses her own ex and she doesn’t even talk to ryan!
im trying to be his friend, we’ve made progress, i insisted on sexual stuff but got rejected last week then i realised it was bad so we didnt talk for 2 days i messaged and we’re okay now 🙂 he even talked more and seemed better as a friend? i dont know…
if you’re ex after 1 year being broken up … but before that talked in may (when it was only 7 months) then did sexual stuff and met up in august to have sex then more sexual stuff.. around maybe september 18t or something then no more… it’s still raw and fresh.. i guess.. how would you feel about all this? how would you feel if she asked to meet up, and you guys hung out and chilled then she told you she started to get feelings for you.. again and misses you and misses her best friend… things have changed, different perspective, and how she really genuinely cares for you.. what would you do… ? In me doing so, it could ruin my friendship with him entirely forever… and him be afraid to ever come forward..but he does like his freedom im guess and stuff, and all he does is study game and yeah.. work at his new job /
which i freaked out.. since i was #1 on snapchat then someother girl #2 and then i became #2 and some other girl became first.. no idea might just be a friend.. but he never sends snapchats.. for her to be first its like fuck… 🙁 i checked before.. it was 7 snapchats.. so she probably sends a lot and he replies.. i know its not a big deal..but how do i get closer.. as an ex? i think maybe see him again.. has been since aug 18t… ??? he has exams soon.. and finishes 10th of nov
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm
Wiat a minute… you want to be number one on snapchat?
lisa
November 2, 2014 at 10:23 am
No no i don’t care since that was just me freaking out!
so that girl he had a thing for is gone, unfollowed him on instagram! and i asked to see him after (aug 18th we had sex /lunch first time after breakup ) then yeah.. i guess 3 months later of talking being closer i asked him “let me know if you’re free after exams” and he said he was free and agreed to catchup! the thing is… no idea if it’s bad if we end up being sexual or keep it professional and just have lunch and dessert.
his birthday is coming up so i bought him a nice gift, something he’s always wanted! a gaming mouse, hope it won’t freak him out but we have been closer and the tea leaf reader i saw when i was on holiday told me to message him after 7 months and i did! which leads us to now… she got another reading and it said how he wants to be closer, and has girls in his life but no one special no one in his mind, the girl is gone from his life, he likes you lisa and wants to be closer, wants to come back and shows his feelings from before have grown either friendship or more we don’t know but it’s a better sign than before since everytime she got my reading it said “his mind is some where else, no point in trying, no hope, he doesn’t have anything for you” but it changed a whole 360 spin!!! you might not believe in them… but i do since she knew nothing about him and described him so well and our situation! 😮
anyway… in knowing this i try to talk less but we talk i guess all the time.. mostly me trying to talk but his super busy with exams so i try to not bother as much!
any tips, ideas for when i see him in the next week or 2 ?!
Kanne
October 8, 2014 at 5:08 am
I have written to you before and need your advice on the following…
My ex and I have been texting for over a year since I broke up with him. This time I am much more casual and I have been more relaxed in our conversation. He has been less sarcastic (I loath sarcasm) and he as used words that are more sweet like “awe” and “sweetie”. Even if hooking up is not an option, he always responds to me. I told him casually that I do like him and he responded with ” I know” and I said I am being much more casualt and pretty Obvious about it and he said “I know”. He has offered to come over and help me with home improvements. I also said that I know what it feels like when someone likes you more than is mutually reciprocated. Nothing from him. A few days later I texted him casually to say hi and we chatted for a short while . I feel we are so compatible in so many ways. While we were dating he ironically purchased land 30 min from my parents who love 3 hours from me. We both have the same values and we are both stubborn and need control. I offered to cook a special meal that we both enjoy for is one night and he was game. Does it seem like I am wasting my time or what should I do to make him see me as gf material again?
Paige
September 12, 2014 at 7:58 pm
My boyfriend and I have been broke up for over a month, but I am only on day 15 of no contact. Before I started no contact we talked a few times a week and it never ended well. I haven’t heard from him since, should I be worried? We dated for over three years and didn’t even have a good reason to break up, we just argued some. When I see him about [we live in a small town] I catch him lookin at me and in the beginning was asking our friends about me. I know ivd made him jealous because other guys are talking to me, our friends told me it was rude of me tobe talking to other guys which i know is not. Anyways should I be worried I haven’t heard from him yet since we have been broken up for a month in a half already and he hasn’t said he regrets it. Or should I continue with nc
Janet
September 6, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve been on and off here sporadically over the last 12 months. Me and my boyfriend broke up. My dad got sick. Found out my ex went back to his ex and I think they’ve broken up again now. In between all of that, I’ve been studying for my Master’s degree and recently completed it. Now I’m working full-time and really finding myself again. I’m still dealing with my dad’s sickness and the fact that my ex abandoned me during that time, and I often struggle with the feelings of upset that have run alongside both of those things. In May, on a whim, I turned up at his house and we had a really emotional conversation. At this time, he was with his now ex that he essentially left me for. When I left, I saw that he tweeted that he regretted his actions, but had to still roll on with the situation. My birthday came around and he tweeted ‘happy birthday’. He didn’t contact me directly, but, it was definitely with me in mind.
My ex boydriend’s birthday is tomorrow. I messaged him wishing him a happy birthday for tomorrow; and he messaged me back congratulating me on finishing my degree. I said thank you, and that I don’t graduate for a while. He told me that I had still done well. I told him that I wished he was there, and he said ‘me too’. I told him that there were other things that I would like to say to him, but that the time wasn’t right. But that I missed him as a friend. He told said ‘there’s no time like the present’ and said that he was away though, so like… We couldn’t talk ‘right now’. I told him to let me know when he was back, and he said ‘will do’.
Now I’m waiting, I know why we broke up. He wasn’t all the way in our relationship due to the ex and I had low self esteem. I’ve dealt with some of those issues now, but I know that him going back to his ex when I needed him, really changed my openness and I guess my, willingness to be vulnerable with him again. Also, this ex… Not sure why they broke up this time, and I don’t want to be the ‘fall back girl’ again.
It’s been nearly a year since we broke up, but about 4 months since we last spoke. I know that I’ve changed a little bit because I’m definitely more reserved and less ‘clingy’ – I’ve worked on my ability to take a step back as opposed to just reacting to things. But, I know that we can’t be together now, it’s too soon and we would still have things to work on. Also, not too sure how he feels about me.
If we talk, how should I handle it? Is it possible to be a rebound more than once?
admin
September 15, 2014 at 2:53 pm
Has he given you any signs that he is super interested in you?
Janet
September 17, 2014 at 4:06 pm
Oh Chris,
I royally messed up again – *sigh*
I ended up texting about 3/4 days after sending the birthday message, asking him if he was around (as in back in the country), he messaged back quite quickly saying that we should grab lunch. So basically, we went out. He paid. It was a little awkward, but we really did try and move past our past without talking about it. Later on that evening, we were texting about music and everything… screen munching what we were listening to etc. Then I got curious and a little insecure.
So, I went onto his exes Instagram and had a little snoop. Low and behold… I accidentally liked one of her pictures – although I didn’t realise this at the time. I text him the next day, something really witty and he text me back asking if I had gone onto her IG page. I obviously couldn’t deny it and we had a few text exchanges about how I felt and basically, he begged me not to go snooping on her anymore. Not because he was putting her over me, but because she calls him up and gives him hell. I apologised but, told him that the reason this was because I wanted to know if he was talking to me because she was no longer around; or whether he genuinely wanted to. I also said that him going back to her, despite giving me his word that they were over has put a wall between us that is standing in the way of us rebuilding anything – even friendship between us.
We eventually had a phone conversation and he answered all of the questions that I had been wanting to know for the last year; about how they hooked up again (after we ended) and when they got back together. Before knowing all of this, I had showed up at his house like 4/5 months earlier distraught at the fact that he had lied to me and left me when my dad wasn’t very well. He told me that he had asked the his ex girlfriend (but girlfriend at the time) whether she had told anyone about rekindling their relationship and from there, she thought he cared about my feelings more than hers and they ended up arguing and not seeing eye to eye. So, they broke up recently, about a month and a half ago. According to him. Although this may have been true, it’s still a bit questionable to me because it seems that she can call him up about anything and he answers the phone – or goes to her etc.
So, after going over everything in my head, I basically sent him a text which said that I hadn’t been sexual with anyone over the last year because I wanted to speak to him properly and now, my heart needed to know who’s team he was on; because it didn’t look like anything was ever going to change for anyone involved if he didn’t make a decision. I told him that someone or people had to lose here, even if he didn’t want to admit it right now. I told him that I didn’t want him to tell me who he had chosen, I wanted him to show me.
I sent this message on Sunday morning. It is now Wednesday evening, and I have not heard from him. He has been on Facebook, changed his picture and even posted a video – imagine!
What are your thoughts?
How long should I reasonably wait for a reply to this text?
Gosh, how things can change in 2 flaming days.
admin
September 18, 2014 at 4:19 pm
You are way too available for him…
J
September 18, 2014 at 6:35 pm
I understand what you are saying and appreciate your honesty. I’m actually starting to wonder if all of this is worth it. This whole situation has dragged on for so long, and when I think about it… He did me wrong. I never did him wrong and on top of all of that, he hasn’t made things ok. Yes, I guess we went out and he paid – progress; but the moment he ex was back in the picture again… He still acknowledged her etc.
Some days I actually think, ‘do you know how great I am?’ – another guy would be so lucky to have me in his life as someone who is loyal and trustworthy! While other days, it completely makes me so angry that he chose this ex over me. I don’t deserve this treatment – at all and it annoys me that he doesn’t see how much of a dickhead he has been to me.
I’m definitely going MIA for a while. Keeping off Facebook and keeping my twitter statuses professional/non emotional. I am realising that I have the patience of a 4 year old, but for me… I guess I always want instant results — the problem. Now I’m just reevaluating whether I am going to waste anymore time on him. I do love him; but to me… I’m not second best. I’m worth so much more than that.
I don’t ever plan on following up on the text message. If he doesn’t respond, I guess that’s that. But I guess, I just want to know your opinion on the following question… Let’s say he doesn’t want to be with me and in his mind, he has picked his ex (or whatever) in response to the text I sent him – WHY is he keeping me on Facebook?
La Menefee
September 6, 2014 at 2:47 am
My ex and I broken up when we had a argument , and it was over,he walked out,months later he made the CHOICE to come back into my life despite what happened in the past. he said he’s over the past, That things have been going good with us. We talk alot, see eachother , spend time together, have fun.
We talked about our past relatinship, he truly believe ” that we won’t work out” and his mind is made up. Nothing I say will change his mind.
I don’t understand why he believes we aren’t going to last the second time around when I do. Why he wouldn’t put hisself in the same position again. Until now. …. I asked,” why you wouldn’t get back with me?” , he said, ” I lied ,handled the situation like a child ,disrespected him “.
I want him to see, show him that I am a full package and come with everything he needs besides sex.. that I’m not like the females he has dealt with .. to show him all of me, the best of me, qualities of me that he haven’t seen in any female. I want to show him every reason why we will last .. Show hin I am the woman of his dreams . How can I show him that being with me is the best choice for him and it’s the best decision he’s ever made…. that I am better and will stand out from every female he’s ever known or been with for the rest of you life.
I really want to change him mind …in every way possible.
admin
September 15, 2014 at 2:42 pm
By showing him your value. By showing him that he will never meet another girl like you for as long as he lives.
Lara
September 5, 2014 at 7:42 pm
Hi Chris! I am starting my fourth week of no contact. My boyfriend broke up with me and three days later he texted me to see how I was doing calling me the affectionate name he used to call me when we were dating (until three days before the message). I made the mistake of answering an telling him that I was sad, he said he was sorry and continued telling me nonsense about his day (as he used to do everyday during our relationship), so I decided to put an end to the conversation. Neither I cried in front of him (when he left me), nor begged (when he left me or texting). Fortunately, that day I came across your website, learnt about NC and decided to implement it.
During NC he sent me two snapchats (the first one in the 11th day after NC and the second one after 18 days of NC). The first one was an invitation to a party he was attending and I decided not to read the second one, I let it go. I must say that I downloaded snapchat app in his phone and I was his only contact. He used to use it with me only , at least while we were dating. I´m sure that he wouldn´t send anything to hurt me because he is a good person. But I´m confused. WHAT DOES HE WANT?
admin
September 15, 2014 at 2:32 pm
Well, did you respond to him during NC? I hope not.
Lara
September 16, 2014 at 7:22 pm
Hi, Chris! Thanks for your reply!
No contact means NO contact at all!
admin
September 17, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Yep, no contact means no contact at all.
Lara
September 17, 2014 at 11:16 am
Every silence says something: the silence between words, between notes in music and between people.
N.Abbi-Ezzi
lisa
September 5, 2014 at 3:43 pm
so in reply to your recent post
“no 3-5 days should be enough (trust me) ”
i sent him snap chat photos today and yeah opened but no reply.. should i just go MIA again? i post on my snapchat and he sees the story to wonder if anyone posted anything…
do you think the girl is a threat as much? if he came back to me for sexual 2nd time after he said he feels bad and we should STOP.. yet he doesn’t mind when he was flirting about my top being too low and how my boobs have been staring at me the whole night LOL … (more like he was staring 😛 ) and i even said that <—- he went "as if" and laughed … ahahaa
what would you think? girl a threat? is he just bored of the girl? shes not "new" anymore.. im losing so much weight and looking happy any affect on it?
admin
September 15, 2014 at 2:28 pm
I would only say shes a threat if they have been on more than one date.
lisa
September 15, 2014 at 8:50 pm
well im not sure… but in hong kong they did… and to movies and kissed and went back to his grandma’s house where she was ontop of him.. anyway.. fast foward to now
well a lot has happened… we skyped again last night did stuff… but i asked if he was interested to test him and he was! so i was surprised… anyway he helped me with my assignment from 5:30pm to 1:30 am… only maybe went away for dinner and his won study for 1hr and 30 mins… but other than that… yeah helped me! but yeah saw his friend and his friend said she is using him.. and he keeps telling my ex.. and how she ignores him and does her own thing… games online with her other guy friends and they all like her… anyway she posted about her ex again on instagram “scar still hurts… its like a child walking across the road for the first time… maybe this will be a funny memory in the future… ive sunken to the bottom of the ocean, i miss hong kong” so shes depressed… and my ex bf is a shoulder to cry on.
but his friend did tell me they won’t go out… since she is clearly using him and even did something with someone in hong kong with someone in our city.. that my ex found out and wasn’t pleased with so made him re-think her as a gf.. and how his friend told me he constantly reminds him that she wouldn’t be a good gf… and my ex doesn’t know this but she asked his friend if you and (my ex) drifted as friends.. do we have a shot… and he rejected her and said no. they aren’t as close… but my ex is still.
his friend told me to not stress over them… if she really loved him and wanted to be with him she could by now… but she’s not over her own ex bf and just using your ex bf… and how he told her do not lead lisa’s ex along.. he is clingy and gets attached…
im not sure what to do with all that… he just told me to close the relationship book for now.. it can always be re-opened but focus on the friendship and build that.. i guess they are friends but he likes her… yet is flirty/sexual with me? he isn’t the type to be sexual with 2 people… he would only get it from one person…
whats your advice knowing all this… we talked saturday.. when we snapchatted and i asked where he was going he couldve just ignored or sent a snap but he sent me a whatsapp message saying “going to ____ for dinner” then we talked a bit… but he did late reply.. i later saw him that night but he didn’t see me… then next day he helped me with assignment then… i asked to do stuff.. then today we talked but he did very late replies… and went to bed at around 3ish… no idea why so late.. maybe talking to her or gaming… but PLEASE CHRIS… give me a longer response than a few words :'(
his friend wont tell him or her… he doesn’t know much but he knows they wont go out… since its complicated with me and her own ex… he just said i keep telling your ex he is being used and i think he knows… but yeah… i won’t message him since he didn’t reply me tonight just came and saw and went off… i’ll message something flirty on friday when i get dressed to go out.. then yeah i even asked if he would have sex with me he said “we’ll see…” i said what so you dont ” he said i do… but we’ll see” so yeah…
OH and his friend also said when your ex crossed the line.. it showed he was interested to initiate flirting.. and i said my ex always gives me cold replies he said thats my fault i told him to be like that talking to girls… and i also said why did my ex say “maybe with other friends”when i said hang out as friends like old times and laugh .. his friend said have you ever thought that maybe… he feels awkward… and can’t be your friend just yet… emotions still raw.. maybe he can’t label you as just friends.. because he feels more as ex/gf sort of type… because he said when my ex asks me to dinner never ask who is coming i agree and go but if my first love asked me…it would be weird since i would feel emotions again…
SO LONG SORRY BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK!?
HIM AND THE GIRL? JUST FOCUS ON US? she might be hard to get so thats why?! but doesn’t it show he is interested in me and cares still… whats my next move? since he checked my snapchat just then and didn’t reply my message.. busy talking to the girl maybe or doing his assignment..who knows 🙁
admin
September 16, 2014 at 3:19 pm
The girl is more of a challenge for him than you are… Think about that for a moment..
lisa
September 16, 2014 at 8:18 pm
hmmmm well im thinking of stopping being sexual… I can’t be too easy… but if i act like the ungettable girl.. cancel out anything like flirting… should i just keep a distance and let him initiate contact… it shows he isn’t willing to make conversation when its just me trying… so i guess… just yeah maybe he can sense… im trying or his friend told him but i doubt it…
i just think if i play hard to get… the girl will win… but everyone is saying its not about her.. if they wanted to be together they would by now…
what do you suggest? what can i do?
admin
September 17, 2014 at 4:23 pm
So, your afraid if you play hard to get he will go to the girl that isn’t hard to get?
lisa
September 17, 2014 at 7:29 pm
no the girl is hard to get… but obviously he isn’t whipped over he entirely otherwise why have sexual interactions with me on sunday night….?
his friend messaged me after i spammed and he said-
“alright i just think you’re just over thinking this ahahhaa, ryan liking the girl is all just an assumption, ryan will only be on the upper hand is when he has total control over you, i think he’s just missing attention. if he’s getting attention, then he wouldn’t be talking to you as much, or does the thins , its within our nature as a guy, but yeah just calm it down i suppose, if it works then fate will work its magic, but right now you should give yourself any hope “ i think he meant you shouldn’t give yourself hope.. anyway its weird how he still thinks ryan doesn’t like the girl…
so what now… im thinking sending a snapchat on friday wearing my nice dress asking “yay or nay” then if he reples or msgs i’ll reply if not then another week of no contact… i also think my ex likes being single, doesnt mind it… but obviously likes flirting with me and when i initiate he never says no… shows he isnt that committed to the girl. 😉
admin
September 18, 2014 at 4:28 pm
I think your friend is right. You are pressing too hard and going bezerk b/c he said he likes some other girl…
lisa
September 18, 2014 at 9:15 pm
he hasn’t said… or anything it’s just obvious… they wouldve been together by now if they wanted too.. if he was at all any way serious with her he wouldn’t come back to me for flirting and sexual interactions?
you reckon just calm it down…. ? and play it smartly… i just dont get my ex.. putting down the line ages ago no sexual stuff then crosses the line himself? then when i tested him sunday night.. he said yes 😮 “i knew what you wanted to ask me.. wanted you to say it anyway” i was like lol thanks -_-
lisa
September 7, 2014 at 8:38 am
keep in mind he has exams this week… so i think he is rather busy
but he sees the snapchats i send him and because my grandma passed away yesterday i posted it on my instagram and he probably saw… because i send him video listening to a sad song… then he quickly looked at my snap story.
my friends say to ask his friend when i see him wednesday and that my ex might have feelings, or like me but scared to come forward/confused? but not LOVE…
-remember my ex gave me advice “don’t go out of your way just to say hi to someone… if you see him say hi but dont have too” when i asked if i should msg his friend that i think hates me.. and he said doubt he does, just dont care if he does?
ugh, im so scared… what do you think? the girl an issue? we had a nice skype chat? which made us closer as friends i guess… but if he had anything with her.. he wouldn’t flirt and say “you’re boobs have been staring at me all night” LOL he is such a loser :p
lisa
September 9, 2014 at 7:09 am
i snapchatted last night of me singing… and said “too much pre work out again? ” being all hyper and he replied with a photo “too much engineering work” and drew sad face on his face haha but he sent that not just to me… but to others !
but still im #1 on his snap, and we haven’t talked since wed (6 days ago) and he has loads of exams to stress about… im not sure :/what to do… he seems interested but conflicted because of his parents dislike for me and maybe the CRUSH on the girl he has?
I may have ruined my chance.....
September 4, 2014 at 9:40 pm
Hi Chris!
I wrote to you before about a guy who I was seeing for about 4 months. He pulled a complete 180 and went from flirty messages and calls and “miss you” to ignoring my few attempts at conversation. I wasn’t being a text “gnat” I only reached out to him 2 different times about 3 weeks apart, where he blatantly ignored me.
So, it was driving me CRAZY, not knowing what happened..so we exchanged the following texts the other night, and were both angry/irritated so I’m afraid Ive messed it up past repair. I figured if anybody could suggest a way to fix this it would you 🙂
Here is how our conversation went …
Me: Did I say or do something to deserve being ignored”
Him: “No you didn’t do anything, just like I’ve told you multiple times before. Things didn’t work out this summer. It happens. If you’re going to hold that against me, I guess there’s nothing I can do about that but I didn’t intentionally do anything”
Me: Okay, I wouldn’t just suddenly ignore someone I spent a decent amount of time talking to, so I guess I have a hard time understanding treating someone that way.
Him: “‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out and I moved on. Like I said I didn’t try to be asshole. I didnt intentionally treat you like that.”
(At this point I was really frustrated with him and his short, inconsiderate responses so my next message was very uncharacteristic for me)
Me: Intentionality aside, you are the asshole everyone told me you were. Thank you for moving on because I have had my fair share of guys like you.
Any advice would be so greatly appreciated! I really liked this guy, I just didn’t know what else to do.
admin
September 5, 2014 at 12:33 pm
Yep… not good to start conversations with him calling him names (even if he is an idiot.)
Give it some time.
Jade
September 4, 2014 at 6:38 pm
hi please help. boyfriend of 8 years left two weeks ago with not much contact since. He stated that he loves me but wants to be by himself. I know that things have been bad between us lately. I have now asked him to come back for a couple of weeks to see if he still feels the same way about being on his own. if he does then he leaves.
he hasnt agreed yet but if he does.what can i do during that time to reignite our relationship and take it forward? these two weeks have made me realise how much i love him.
admin
September 5, 2014 at 12:20 pm
Did he give a more definitive reason for the breakup?
jane
September 2, 2014 at 10:05 am
hi,
i need your help itz urgent..
i met this guy 4 years before in college.we were initially best friends. but one day we he told me that he had a crush on me and i was looking extremely beautiful. the next day we went out causally for lunch and there he hugged me and kissed me. and i fell in love with him .everything went was going well and after 1 week he came to know that i was in love with him and he said he does not want any commitment not intrested in marrying at all.he never even gave it a try to make things happen(he accepted this that he never tried). he ignored me ,insulted me ,hurt-ed me and i took all those because i love him. and me in process of convincing him i have done mistakes(i never had any intention of hurting him but what ever i did it went wrong.) he would argue for all the small things even if there was no reason. he became very irritated. but i still hold on. and 4 yrs when my college finished he tells me now that he was never interested in marrying me and that’s why he never tried to make the relationship work. im confused whether i want him or not..but is there any chance where he could realise his mistake how he used me and hurt ed me at all instances .my heart wants him but not my mind. but only one thing i want him to at least realise because he takes me for granted and if he will not realise now its difficult for at least other girl whom he’s gonna marry..plz help me out
jane
September 2, 2014 at 10:10 am
please just tell me something what can i do so that he will love me
admin
September 2, 2014 at 2:30 pm
ignore him for a bit. Don’t be so available. and become an ungettable girl.
jane
September 2, 2014 at 4:35 pm
Chris He’s completed irritated because of me. He feels relieved in my absence …will silence work???? He’s completely irritated.I’m feeling guilty that I missed opportunities
admin
September 3, 2014 at 2:33 pm
I still thing it will.
jane
September 4, 2014 at 8:35 am
im not able to figure out whether he has used me. and he the NC for 8 months made no difference to him i feel
jane
September 4, 2014 at 8:36 am
and one more thing its his b’day next week should i wish him????
jane
September 7, 2014 at 10:36 am
There is no influence of avoiding my guy. I didn’t talk to him for 8 months and it hardly had any impact on the way he spoke. He instead told me that if I had any love I would have called you right. What do I do now????
jane
September 2, 2014 at 5:07 pm
I was silent no msg or call for past 8 months and it was just last week I called him to say hi and then he told me that he was not interested in marrying me..I feel let down and guilty that I irritated him..but I had no intention of hurting him. I love him Chris plz tell me how to make him miss me or realise me. I hate myself for wasting opportunities
jane
September 3, 2014 at 4:10 am
its been 8 months that i spoke and it was just last week when i called him up to say hi and he then told me that he was not interested in marrying me will silence work??? because he’s completely irritated he’s feels happy in my absence
Beth
September 1, 2014 at 6:49 pm
So confused. Started dating the man of my dreams about 3 months ago. We spoke about moving in together, children, marriage soon after we met like it was the most natural thing in the world and one of the things I loved about him is that he is very in touch with his emotions. HE said to me I am The One. 2 weeks ago long on-going major family issues surfaced as a result he ended the relationship (in a 15 minute conversation), moved to another city and ignores all my emails texts and any effort on my part just to know if he is ok. I love him and miss him so much but also feel disrespected by how he chose to handle the break up. I feel like it is worth saving but he gives me nothing to work with. Please help.
admin
September 2, 2014 at 1:31 pm
What did he cite as his reason to leave the relationship?