What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?

902 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?”

Ak

August 29, 2014 at 5:07 pm

Hi Chris,

Where do i start from..trying to keep it short. We were together in medical school, started as close friends almost 12 years back! We were infact both involved with other people …though in our final year we realised that we were in love and had to be with each other! So, we started our relationship 7 years back and continued after shifting to another city(my boyfriend’s hometown)
We had an incredible time that year and i can safely say that we were both very very happy.
We even specialised in the same subject and everything was going great when his mom found out about me. Well, she knew about me as his closest friend and I had met her ,but when she realised that her son was infact in love,then she started threatening me to stay away from her son. I know it sounds crazy, but i come from a country where parents do arrange marriages and my boyfriend is very close to his mom!!

I didnt react to her texts but my boyfriend did take a stand thankfully and she stopped.This was 3 years back…we kept the relationship going but sadly its not been the same..i tried to be patient ,did my best to convince him that he cudnt let others decide his life and at this rate,he’ll never hv a relationship…but u know i feel all the effort has been from my end! We have been through so much together ,it feels like a lifetime.
Anyway all the pressure at his home was getting to him, he became very bitter, withdrawan and negative.

I was so upset with the situation ,i also had an accident last year and had surgery.

I know I have made mistakes..maybe i put too much pressure on him when I was sick..maybe my best wasnt enough. I blamed him for letting me down! I figured from most websites that he actually feels disloyal to his mom if he even ‘likes me’..
We now had this love/hate relationship n at times he used to tell me had had enough and he ‘ hated me’. But he did stay in touch.

Five months back, he got a great job offer to join an international ngo( for a year ) with a lot of travelling around the world..I thought it would be great for his career and I was all for it….I thought now he wouldnt think of me as a needy,clinging person… I was genuinely happy. He called me daily from wherever he was..and we were chatting on whatsapp …but since last 2months, i could sense him withdrawing again…his whatsapp replies reduced…he told me he was busy…but he was tagged in so many facebook pics …

I was very stressed out also cos my dad wasnt well and I was just going crazy ..I started sending him so many whatsapp texts…blaming him, saying my life was hell and he should never have gotten involved with me if this is how he was going to treat me!! He texted me saying ‘i have moved on’ so I asked him to atleast tell me the reason but he didnt say nething.
I know I made a mistake but I messaged a friend of his, if he could talk to him. But my boyfriend hated that and said he’ll block me on whatsapp n he did but after 30 mins he had unblocked me again on his own!!
This was a month back…I tried to give him space but sent him few general texts daily but I lost it again on 4 th August and told him that he was being a coward and I didnt respect him ..if he wanted a breakup he should first meet me…i said he must have had it all planned….and he was being heartless…n all.

But I read about NO CONTACT on your site…I honestly dont know what else to do…so am following the advice..Im on Day 25 …now the WORST part is that I think he came to his hometown for a day or two (im in another town for now and he knows)..i cant be sure..i refused to ask anyone…but i just had this intiution. But I didnt contact him even though it killed me that day!!

Do you think there’s any hope?? We are both 32 now..can I convince him that our relationship can work?? I know I need to become less needy but what if he intends to never speak again? He is very stubborn unfortunately, like you have written in this article…but i know the biggest resistance is his mom…and how can I ever change that?
So, Chris do you think I can change his mind if he has already decided? I still havent gotten any text from him:(
Thanks Chris!! just for reading!!

admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:12 pm

Something tells me that he won’t refuse to speak again. He is stubborn yes but I bet he folds if you do end up contacting him.
Ak

September 3, 2014 at 8:03 pm

Wow Chris thanks for replying….do u think my NC should be 30 days or more? Maybe 45 days or longer?? When do u think I should contact him? I can make the message all about him…but how do I get him to meet? I want to convince him that we can have a good life together..like a partnership..
Thanks for everything Chris! God bless!

Fay

August 27, 2014 at 10:19 am

Well here’s my story. I had a relationship for two years and one month. Till the first 12-15 months we were super in love. Then he seemed to slow down his feelings like something made him do it. Frankly we had tha hardest school year ever ans there was too much pressure. He broke up with me the first time at February saying he wants tofocus on his studying. After two days we met and got back together. He also xonfessed that he went out with his friends because he was sad and thinking about us. Then after we finished school we had two amazing weeks and suddenly when everything was normally fine he said he got bored and wants to take a break. I didn’t contacted him for almost a week and then we accidentaly mwt, so we said it would be nice to clear things out. At first it didn’t work out well. By the end of the night he said he would give me his answer after a week ans I refused so he said for three days. I agreed. Before I go he kissed me, returned me home, gave me a flower and told me he missed me. The same night he texted me that he may have made many mistakes in his life but I must be the rightest thing in his life and so he can’t leave me. We were having great tjme and when he left on vacation he apologized to me for everything. As long as we were both happy and stuff like that. I returned home and he was planningυο surprise me. I got excited and started to ask questions and he got mad, he said I ruin it and when we chatted a few hours later he said that he’a thinking about us and if getting back was a good idea. We kinda broke up today and he seemed very aggressive to me for no reason. He also said he’s trying to forget me and don’t want to see me (when we got back together he said that if we were still apart and saw me out somewhere he would fall in love with me) so I’m thinking that maybe he needs some space to realise that he loves me because he does, I know it and maybe he doesn’t want to see me because he’s afraid that he might fall in love again. I don’t know what to do and how to react to get him back. I know he doesn’t deeply wants it, I feel it. I’m just helpless right now. I will keep the no contact rule for a week but then I have to wish him happy birthday and I’d love to have him back till then although I know it’s hard.:/
bree

August 26, 2014 at 7:48 pm

15 months since i last saw him, we never went out as bf/gf but we had a connection. He told me the spark we had.. will never go away but we need to keep it together.. but he keeps coming forward and leaving when im too close..

for example, asks me to lunch/dinner then later says better not..
and when he asked me to his house, his answer was “only one bet though? ” i asked what that bet was… he got upset because i wasn’t too happy enough to just say yes i will come.

mainly i am confused why he keeps pushing/pulling, being distant then close then distant again…

i am 47 years old and he is 55… i am currently middle of divorce and he is middle of divorce as well.

he just says… I am scared of you… because i dont want to people to know about us… since the community will talk and judge/ religion and culture.

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:07 pm

Do you mind if people were to find out?
bree

August 28, 2014 at 2:25 pm

i guess i do mind… but still doesn’t mean why he keeps being close then distant… he seems interested then runs away… i might be too clingy… but im not sure… how to grab his attention when we only message and never really see each other out side of that.

Stephanie

August 26, 2014 at 3:10 pm

Hi Chris,

Somebody once told me that most exs come back at some point or another regardless of the reason they come back. Do you think this is true? How long do you think it takes for someone to “come back”? And if they don’t come back, do you think they at least think about the relationship?

admin

August 28, 2014 at 11:51 am

I think it really depends on the person and the situation.

Fay

August 26, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Well here’s my story.
I had a relationship for two years and one month. Till the first 12-15 months we were super in love. Then he seemed to slow down his feelings like something made him do it. Frankly we had tha hardest school year ever ans there was too much pressure. He broke up with me the first time at February saying he wants tofocus on his studying. After two days we met and got back together. He also xonfessed that he went out with his friends because he was sad and thinking about us. Then after we finished school we had two amazing weeks and suddenly when everything was normally fine he said he got bored and wants to take a break. I didn’t contacted him for almost a week and then we accidentaly mwt, so we said it would be nice to clear things out. At first it didn’t work out well. By the end of the night he said he would give me his answer after a week ans I refused so he said for three days. I agreed. Before I go he kissed me, returned me home, gave me a flower and told me he missed me. The same night he texted me that he may have made many mistakes in his life but I must be the rightest thing in his life and so he can’t leave me. We were having great tjme and when he left on vacation he apologized to me for everything. As long as we were both happy and stuff like that. I returned home and he was planningυο surprise me. I got excited and started to ask questions and he got mad, he said I ruin it and when we chatted a few hours later he said that he’a thinking about us and if getting back was a good idea. We kinda broke up today and he seemed very aggressive to me for no reason. He also said he’s trying to forget me and don’t want to see me (when we got back together he said that if we were still apart and saw me out somewhere he would fall in love with me) so I’m thinking that maybe he needs some space to realise that he loves me because he does, I know it and maybe he doesn’t want to see me because he’s afraid that he might fall in love again. I don’t know what to do and how to react to get him back. I know he doesn’t deeply wants it, I feel it. I’m just helpless right now. I will keep the no contact rule for a week but then I have to wish him happy birthday and I’d love to have him back till then although I know it’s hard.:/

admin

August 28, 2014 at 11:45 am

He sounds very conflicted… and I am not sure that’s such a bad thing.

lisa

August 26, 2014 at 1:18 pm

same lisa btw-

hahaha she is, do you think all hope is lost chris?

it has been 11 months since we broke up.. and we recently have been in contact the past 4 months… and had sex last monday… now it feels like its going downhill? the more we get closer.. the more he sees im probably being clingy again and messaging a lot? but i dont… i go 5 days without then when i snapchat he says “lol why are you at my university again? and then we talk.. and he said talk tomorrow lisa 😀

but after we discussed… no more sexual relationship seems awkward? is this bad.. good? im going to keep my distance.. and i recently read your article about getting back after some time.. is it even possible? like we can talk like normal friends, and i guess when we hang out he prefers other people to come? (made me sad 🙁 haha)

no he isnt with the girl … he is single, he just wants her i think? and she isn’t fully interested in him but keeping him at arms length… and using him for emotional friendly support? and he probably ended sexual stuff with me because its not his nature… and maybe hoping he will get somewhere with the girl..

can keeping my distance.. and being patient really help when obviously he doesn’t seem to be too interested? he won’t message me unless i snapchat but he could ignore.. he just messages. guys have egos/pride so because he is stubborn… it doesnt help me at all.

admin

August 28, 2014 at 11:42 am

Well, are you being overly clingy?
lisa

August 28, 2014 at 2:17 pm

yes… i seem to be :/ i haven’t talked to him since monday midnight when the convo seemed to be clingy on my behalf.. asking question and if its ok to hang out then he said “maybe with other people” -awkward….

anyway last night i uploaded a pic of my family video on instagram from my holiday… and he LIKED IT… i know its not a big deal.. but he liked it! he never ever liked any before.. and the other girl had photos uploaded same time but still… never liked hers!

and now she has recently added her old ex bf back… on fb so i guess… shes only starting to get closer again which may hurt her emotionally like it did with me.. and my ex bf and the other guy that may like her look friendzoned :p because she is focusing too much time on her own ex.

so what advice would you give someone who seemed clingy… and maybe ex bf realised im still emotionally involved in him ?

P.S my mum said… (tell me if she is right or not?) that… if she really loved my ex so much she would be with by now… but because she is “emotionally damaged” (she posted that as #10 on 20 facts about herself) and wouldn’t want to since she still loves/misses her ex.. they were simply rebounds to make her not think about her ex.. but if she wants to be with my ex.. she can, nothing stopping her.. so the problem isn’t the girl wanting him or not.. its that my ex bf doesn’t have feelings for me anymore.. it can be any girl.. but if he has his heart/eyes on someone how can he want me? how can i raise my value… i mean ever since then i feel like he is avoiding me :l doesn’t even go on skype (he would always be on) even if i was … offline ? i dont know.. maybe he doesn’t want to be in a relationship since he is free from drama, and parents hating him for being with me.. so he is doing fine… but said sex should stop.. and no more sexual relationship since its weird….

what should i do?
admin

August 29, 2014 at 11:48 am

Firstly I’d like you to read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/stage-5-clinger-getting-a-boyfriend-back-if-you-were-too-clingy/
lisa

August 29, 2014 at 4:44 pm

yes ive read this…. post as well 🙁

it’s been since monday and we haven’t talked! im ok with it.. since we both need time… have been talking on and off for 4 months i think maybe me going MIA will help him be curious?

anyway seeing his friend tomorrow… :/wish me luck!!

also… you never really said how i can win him back or get his emotional hooks on me back if he likes or interested in someone else but she is too busy pursuing her own ex bf! she even added him back on facebook.. goes to show that she does still like him or want to try and be “friends” and reconnect
lisa

September 1, 2014 at 7:00 am

the girl just posted… on instagram
“NEW/MOVE ON”
she’s moving on.. making it public which i hate.. but do you think she’ll wake up and be like ok i want your ex now? or she will go after someone else since she knows me.. and my ex are friends again…

i just dont want him to be with her… since she got involved in our relationship and made it easier for him to end..
admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Probably someone else…
lisa

September 3, 2014 at 6:34 pm

oh my goodness… we snapchatted tonight! and i asked his help for my physics assignment… he first said “sorry busy with my own stuff” then i said “just a question…

and he messaged asked what it was… and he said ugh too confusing go on skype and show me.. and i did! we talked and he explained to me 🙂 then we talked about music and he told me to listen to his songs and my video was on the whole time and his screen sharing was on so i could see everytime he was checking my video out hahaa :p then when he asked “am i keeping you away from somewhere? i said yeah i should really be going to gym… since its 1:30 am… and we talked from 11until 2 am :p anyway… i said its fine and i stayed to talk.. and he seemed glad, went to brush his teeth he was enjoying the talk and music sharing and laughing.. and its what we would always do on skype…

THEN… out of no where he started flirting.. nice top… it’s a bit low isnt it? what are you trying to do.. seduce me lisa? i laughed and said of course not! and he said well its ok… you dont have to cover up 😉 and one thing lead to another.. he was keen to do stuff over skype again.. even though he said to not do stuff 11 days ago.. :p i just laughed and said sorry 😉 i need to go gym he seemed sad and said “fine fine, leave” i said “ahaha next time maybe, you did say none of this anymore” he just laughed and said… well… you do need to de-stress this can help 😉 being cheeky i laughed and one thing lead to another… we did stuff :p
oh he seemed interested asked what gym i go to, and when i said im going to holiday… he said oh when etc

and said goodnight..

so what do you think? good ? 🙂 for him to not to say well… now that i helped you i have to do my own study.. he just stayed and talked to me… and yeah ;( typical helpful… ex of mine 🙁 i think the girl isn’t giving much attention since she has no internet for now.. but it doesnt have to do with her… he just wanted to talk and flirt 🙂
admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:05 pm

VERY GOOD!!!
lisa

September 5, 2014 at 6:13 am

I KNOW IM SO HAPPY 😀

what should i do now? i think him seeing im very into my fitness and being active and actually happy, having a life shows him the person i used to be!! the person he started to fall for…

what advice would you give? im thinking of doing push/pull theory… like be close with him and have random chats and be close… share music even flirting.. then go 1 week without talking or even 2! then again! make him excited everytime we talk ?

i didn’t expect him to want to be sexual over skype…. since he said he”felt its morally wrong ” but he did it anyway? and when he asked me “sorry am i keeping you from being somewhere, do you need to go?” i laughed and said..yeah i should gym its more important he went “ugh… as if you said that” and laughed :p

what now!?!??!
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:38 pm

No just go 3-5 days (itll be enough trust me.)
lisa

September 2, 2014 at 12:57 pm

so what would you advice me to do? how to do you be friends with an ex.. you slept with 2 weeks ago… and haven’t talked in 1 week but he sends you a snapchat and i did a few, just casual ones and he always sees my story snapchats… like always wondering where i am? curious? i guess its human nature..

anyway… so is all hope lost? is it too late after nearly 1 year been broken up? how can i be close again emotionally.. if he seems distant 🙁 ?
lisa

August 26, 2014 at 1:31 pm

also im thinking of telling his friend and talking to him about it…?
hoping he wont tell my ex or the other girl (since they are friends)

because he can help me with info… whether i should give up or they aren’t official and he can just maybe help? i dont know… would you tell your best mate if his ex was asking questions and still interested.. after so long..

it could ruin my friendship with my ex but i dont have anything to lose.. besides my ex’s friendship :l

T

August 25, 2014 at 2:40 pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up about three weeks ago. We are in a long distance relationship and have been finding it hard the past few months. He kept asking me constantly to move to him and he would keep me until I found a job. We missed each other terribly and just didn’t see each other enough. I had problems at home and with the distance became depressed. I was just so scared about moving. I’d like to think I’m independant so for me moving and getting a new job and making new friends was really scary to me as I am very sociable with my girlfriends now. I would constantly push him away. Not on purpose but just being down all the time. He booked a holiday for me to cheer me up but thought I wasn’t grateful. I was truly excited but worried about home still and thinking about moving. I would stress myself out thinking we had to end or I had to move all the time. He then ended it two weeks after the holiday was booked. We should be going in a week or so. We basically just had an argument which spiralled to him saying he thought I was holding on and I didn’t care or compliment him and gave him grief and was never happy. I couldn’t help being so sad and the doctors have given me anti depressants. After we broke up I spoke to him and I told him and I also said things would change because I’d move. He thought about it and came back to me and said he didn’t trust me and couldn’t take my word for it as I have said id move before. He then text me a few days later asking if I was okay. And I didn’t reply. He then said no need to ignore me in only asking it you’re okay. Then said I really hope you get better. I didn’t reply. So then he called me late at night. I didn’t answer then he said it was an accident. Then he asked me for my postcode to send my clothes back which I gave. We had a bit of a joke over text but then he went all mardy which I didn’t rise too. Saying that he forgot I could remember how to have a joke. I then made the mistake of texting him yesterday saying I missed him. He said he missed me too and it was hard but it was done. I then said ok, please don’t contact me again. He replied with I didn’t contact you anyway and then said you don’t understand the s** you put me through to which I didn’t reply. I don’t understand this boy who wanted me to move down, book a holiday and be in love with me weeks ago. I know I was down and he said he thought I was the most beautiful girl ever but my personality was shocking and I feel sad because it’s not my fault I got depressed. He’s just hoping for me to be super fun like when I met him but I didn’t mean to become down. Please tell me what he’s thinking ?? I miss him terribly. He is immature but for his flaws I think he’s a kind fun person. He would always say he loved me and compliment me constantly which I didn’t return because I was scared of opening up. I did feel it but I prefer to say it now and again although all the time. But he said he felt I didn’t appreciate him or compliment him or anything. I didn’t realise I even did this. And I’m confused now.

admin

August 26, 2014 at 12:54 pm

He probably took the fact that you were scared to open up the wrong way.
T

September 3, 2014 at 9:03 am

At the weekend he unblocked me and sent me about 18 messages saying don’t turn up at the airport as we had a holiday booked for today. He also said your beautiful but.. And I can block you If you don’t reply. I didn’t reply to anything he wrote so he blocked me again. The next day I text him saying is there something you want to say now you are sober ? He replied straight away saying yes don’t turn up at the airport. I said I didn’t have any intention of doing so. And if he didn’t mind to stop texting me as we had broken up. He then went on saying well I had a gut feeling you would turn up at the airport. I asked him to delete my number and then he went on to say I was beautiful and we could of been for life if I hadn’t been so ‘moany’ to him. I had written him a letter a few weeks ago explaining why and apologising and asking for a chance. But he refused. He then went on and said I love you take care. Then texts me again when I didn’t respond. I asked him to stop making it hard and delete my number and he was like have a happy life I hope you’re okay and I treasure our memories. Then the next day text me again saying okay I’ll delete your number. I wish things were different. Look after yourself *pet name*
T

September 3, 2014 at 9:04 am

He then text me saying don’t embarrass yourself turning up at the airport. I’m taking someone else. What the hell is wrong with this person.
T

September 4, 2014 at 10:19 am

Can you please tell me why he constantly texts me saying he loves me but it’s too late. He says it’s not what he wants but it’s the best for his future. It isn’t me texting first. And if I don’t reply he messages me again. Please respond to me? I don’t want to bombard you. I’m just very confused.
T

September 9, 2014 at 6:19 pm

Really unhelpful website as no one answered me.
admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:27 pm

Sorry about that.

I took a bit of time off last week. Ask anything I am here to help.
T

August 30, 2014 at 10:04 am

Thank you for your response. He knows now though. He just said I changed. I’ve been doing this nc for a week now. And I haven’t heard anything. I don’t know if I’ll hear anything again off of him ? Whenever he talks to me he turns angry so I don’t know what to do.

please help

August 19, 2014 at 7:31 pm

Hi Chris

Me and my ex of 2.5 years broke up 9 months ago. He broke up with me multiple times, cheated on me, abused me sexually and emotionally – I hope it wasn’t intentional as I’ve been hurt like hell and it would be only worse than now.

After breakup, he sent me a text at least once a month even on my B-day but then when he got my reply, he didn’t reply me back.

After 7 months, we met as he suggested (we met twice before this meeting and he only hurt me as he said that he was going on a holiday where the girl he cheated on me lives.) and he behaved like before when we were together. He came to my place and tried to do skin-ship and asked me to sleep together.
I refused and we talked about our past, he said I was an important person in his life (I haven’t felt like that from him. I always thought he wanted me to disappear from his life.) but his feeling is different and I cried and told him how much I was in pain by guilt because at the end he messaged me that he and another girl he cheated on me with liked each other and it happened because I prisoned him for too long. Therefore I felt like it happened by all my fault.
When I cried, he ran away. I tried to hold him and talked to him but he gone and said he would contact me when he came back from his journey(he was supposed to go somewhere during the weekend).

He text me to say sorry and I said I was fine and hope he could have a safe journey. Then he didn’t contact me at all when he came back.

I sent a message to ask him to go for a drink and he ignored. So I decided not to see him anymore so cut all contacts like facebook as the girl he cheated with was still having a contact with him on FB and liked his all posts, and it hurt me massively. I told him I understood his behavior as the meaning of that he didn’t want us to see each other again and he ignored.

I deeply fell in depression so I’m going to have a counseling soon. Then one month later, he suddenly sent a picture of clothes which are not mine and asked me if those are mine. I replied like “one of those looked like mine but not sure, otherwise it would be another girl’s one he brought his house.”
he laughed and said he thought that’s mine. I ignored his message.

After that, once a week he sent me a message when he needed to give it back to me. First few times, I just ignored. But he kept asking me from time to time like once a week. Last week, he even asked me to come to his house to pick it up but I didn’t go. So we said we would make a schedule on Monday but he doesn’t contact me at all by now.

I don’t know what to do and I wonder if he knows how much he hurt me so far and why he breaks his words for me all the time.

I also don’t know how male’s mind is going when the relationship broke up such a long while ago like me – 9 months and he is about to leave this country soon.

Is there any chance I can get back with him? He is 26 but will be 27 soon in 3 months and hadn’t have any relationship before me – we met when we were 23. For both of us, it was a first relationship. And during the time when I wasn’t here, he met other girls which I didn’t know. He confessed everything at the end of our time and it hurt me like crazy.

We are from different countries and he always said he had felt we’d got a language problem so he couldn’t communicate with me well. But I didn’t have any probs in communication with others incl. his brother and friends and I tried to have a conversation with him all the time but he ignored me, as well as my English’s been improved a lot.

But I still miss him and want him to realize how much I tried and there might be no one like me who will do everything for him. I was suffered as I couldn’t get back any positive respond from him but it was fine because I believed him but now I am even more suffered by the thought that he was the one who I trusted most, finally hurt me the most in my life and he seems like never regret what he has done to me and doesn’t know how much it hurt me deeply.

Do you think he will regret at some time in his life about what he has done to me? And is there any way that he wants to be with me again even though he is leaving to another country soon? The country he is moving out takes 2 hrs from where I’m living but if I can’t be with him, I will probably be back to my country in 5 months. Then there will be no chance that I can come back here and it means there will be no chance I can meet him again in my life. This thought kills me…

As a man, do you think he doesn’t care about this at all if he is the one who doesn’t want to be emotional?

I was always friendly and kind even after the breakup. But I haven’t contacted him first except once on March. The rest of contacts were from him ,and as soon as he got my message he ignored.

Anyway. it’s been 9 months and he is about to leave this country. But do I still have a chance..? Isn’t it too late..?

admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:23 am

I stopped reading at abused me mentally and physically…

I have no patience for men like that.

I don’t think this guy is worth it if he is abusing you physically.
please help

August 31, 2014 at 10:19 pm

I felt like he abused me but he denied and said that was not fair and true. So I am confusing.

And another thing is that he flirted multiple girls when we were in LDR and told those girls that I was ex (which was not true. We were -ing even though we broke up many times.) Now I see that he broke up with me every time when he found another girl nearby and gave me a sweet excuse to believe his words.

It was not nice, I know, but I could access his account last week accidentally. I just guessed his password and it was correct, therefore I could read his messages and he told other girls that he didn’t like me enough behind of my back.

I was treating him like a king and couldn’t do things he disliked and I got used to do it even if I knew that wasn’t right.

Anyway, he is still with the girl who cheated on me with, they blamed me about the night he asked me to stay over and have a sex. We kissed only because he said he didn’t have anyone after that even though that hurt me extremely, I thought he wanted me because he missed me and he seemed like he didn’t ask me to come over for the reason in the beginning. But when I found all truth and insisted to tell her what’s happened to us, he lied to her and said I was the one who flirted. I can bet everything to prove that I didn’t.

I cannot believe his behavior. I thought I tried and did more than he deserved and now he pays me back by blaming and saying around that he didn’t like me enough, and letting another girl blaming me about the behavior I haven’t even done – made by him.

His attitude is nice to other girls and people but me all the time. It hurts me incredibly and I do not know where to go from now. I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere.
I have doubted myself that if I could be never enough for him. I really did every efforts and I haven’t made any trouble because of other males or whatever. I have tried to be understanding, kind, friendly and loyal.
And what I get as a result is blaming and his wrong explanation about me.

So can you give me any advice what I can do from now? I blocked him and the girl and his friends as I discovered that the friends helped him to cheat on me which was even more hurtful.

Did I do something wrong or am I not enough attractive as a woman? (He cheated on me with a black girl when we were just together for 3 months during his holidays with friends and still shared their pics on web.)

Why he behaves bad to me but others? And how can he abuse my name to keep the other girls? Is it because I’m now worthless than the other girls? The girl who cheated with him together knew about me all as well.
I don’t know.. Is there anything wrong with me..?
Please advice me what I can do….

He seems a really good person to others but me all the time and I became a bitch to people because of his words which is not true.

Pls help me.
admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:28 pm

When you say you feel like he abused you it wasn’t physical abuse was it??
please help

September 2, 2014 at 8:52 pm

I feel both physical and emotional now..

I didn’t know he was still with the girl and used me to convince other girls and defense himself, that’s why I accepted his kiss but rejected when he asked me to have a sex because I didn’t want to do it when things were not clear. When I asked him to have a chat, he ran away.

Then, just before he left this country, he asked to meet me so I did – it was a stupid decision I know but I wanted to see him for the last time – and kept kissing me and I accepted in the end as even at that time, I didn’t know that he was with her. When I found it out in dawn, I asked him if he was still with her and loved her, he didn’t answer properly and still asked me to stay over at his place and just hugged me and didn’t let me go.

I got so unhealthy, even cannot open the bottle easily after all the situation – if I make an excuse, that’s why I couldn’t get away from there and wanted to believed that he would tell the girl all the truth what he has done to me at the night as he promised. He lied and used my name to convince her and defense himself again though..

And actually before we broke up, when we lived together, we slept just before I left to my country.. He was talking to the girl he was cheating and suddenly came to me to have a sex, then said he wanted to do everything before I left and back to have a chat with her on the phone again. Then later on, when I told him I couldn’t be flexible about cheating, he said he didn’t think it was cheating because he didn’t think of me as a girlfriend at that time, however I didn’t think and know that.

It’s hard to get it over as I was in the situation really for a long time and his behavior towards other girls especially the girl he cheated with looks different.

He bought her tickets to come to see him around his b-day and talks to her every hours by the mobile I bought for his b-day gift but never done it for me before. He didn’t use a smartphone until I bought it for him.. So when we were LDR, he couldn’t use apps like whatsapp etc. But now he is able to do that because of my gift.. I extremely regret that I gave it to him…

The weird thing is that he said he loved her, but the girls around him only knew about me but her. He said to one of the girls that he didn’t have anyone after me even though he told the girl he cheated to be a partner of lifetime and actually went to visit her country and seemed like so sincere toward her. He told her that he hadn’t loved someone like her and he never visited to see a LDR girlfriend which is true as he didn’t do that for me.

I don’t understand that kind of attitude at all. I treated him really well I think.. I loved him so much and showed him a lot… Also I did everything he asked me or even the things he didn’t ask me – people said it was a mistake – but he looked like annoyed and disappointed a lot when I didn’t do.

The girl also knew about me from the beginning of their situation and she came back to see him and stayed the room when my all stuff was at his place while I was in my country – they met only twice and talked only on the phone but just a month later, she came to see him and they traveled together… And she still blames me about the night because of his lies. She seemed like so pissed off then, they’ve started to send sweet emails again and it hurts me so much. Why does he behave like that to me..? What I gave him was all honesty and faithful behavior..

I don’t know if my answer is enough,.. But anyway because he hid his relationship with her and said to me that he hid it to protect me, but I don’t think it was protecting. I just think he hid the truth to have a sex with me as she is far away – and every time when he saw me, he just kissed and asked to have a sex and behaved so sweet just like before when we were together.
And when I told him that if he didn’t want to lose me just like he said, he needed to choose me or her otherwise there would be no each other in our lives again, he just told me that he gave up on me so long whiles ago and didn’t want me to push him as he was busy and he would say good bye to me, and he didn’t want me to wait for him anymore. Then told the girl like that I went crazy and it was late night.

So I feel like I was abused in many different ways.
Using my name to protect himself, convince other girls and my body to try to release his sexual needs.

I’m feeling such a horrible as I cannot believe what has happened to me even now. I feel like I’ve been extremely betrayed by someone who I truly trusted and loved and this feeling just doesn’t go away from my heart.

Why did he do that to me and is there no point he would ever regret about leaving me and his attitude about me, as well as miss the time when we were together and the way I treated him?…..
admin

September 3, 2014 at 2:42 pm

He did it because he is a jerk. Plain and simple.
please help

September 3, 2014 at 8:42 pm

Is the behavior changeable? Why does it look totally different for me from her?…. He is talking to her till very late night which he hasn’t done for me and he never appreciated me but looks like he does for her…….. Does it mean that he really love her..?.. I’m still so sad to see that….
please help

September 2, 2014 at 9:28 pm

The girls around him are all having a distance from him. And he only chats with the girls. But it seems like after meeting another girl he cheated, he, from time to time, has a chat with only one girl now he met long whiles ago during the trip when we were together. Then he just checked up on me every months – he doesn’t do that and won’t do that anymore I guess. When they broke up, he went a date with another girl but it seemed like failed. Then he had only me and the girl on fb, and the current gf (I don’t want to define her as his current gf as they cheated on me and I’ve got hurt extremely but it’s true…).

The current gf of him said she was thinking that I was hacking his account, the he changed some of his account passwords. It was true as I saw it few times as I couldn’t believe what he has done to me behind of my back. I just saw it to check if that was all true and I unfriend them in rage… So stupid behavior.. They got back together anyway..

What should I do? Is it normal that guys talk about their ex to other girls that he didn’t like her enough? Is his behavior something understandable? And is he really loving with her? It seems like that as he initiated to break up with me only but with her, he said he was thinking she was a good fit with him and the relationship with her was working well. But they only met when they traveled and talking on the messenger and skype only.. But he bought her flight tickets to see him and looked happy with her on the pictures.. I didn’t know he was capable to do that to girls.. I haven’t been given those kinds of behavior from him.

He was chasing other girls when he was with me, and he seemed like doing it a little bit with one girl who is living really really far away he knew during the trip I mentioned but I think it’s less than when we were together…. He talks about having a sex with her on the chat and hides the new gf.. I know it because I saw that she asked him about me and he replied like that his relationship with me has done long times ago and he is too busy to have another one…

He also flirted another girl who he used to date when we were LDR just before break-up with me. And she wasn’t single at that time, so he gave up. Then this new gf was here for business trip and to see her sister for 2 weeks or so, then they met twice during the time and it happened.. And they said they found really special people for their life and she came here to see him for 2 weeks just at the time when I came back here.. At that time, he met me for my luggage and cried and asked me to remain as friends. He didn’t give me back my all stuff twice when she was here…

When I asked him if he really loved her, he said he guessed so, if he really thought her as a partner of lifetime, he said he thought so.. When I asked him if he truly loved her, he said maybe… and when I asked again, he said he guessed so. Then mentioned that I was too close and the new gf is far away from him so he thought it was a better fit for him.

Before I found out the truth, when I asked him if he could say the new girl is nothing in his life, he said if I wanted, he could and he said that to me… He lied.. He gave up on me again and again and again and chose the girl..

Am I an wrong person..? Am I not that worthy to regret..?… I’m still so sad and cannot believe that we are apart like this and what he has done behind of my back…
please help

August 22, 2014 at 10:51 pm

he is still with the girl he cheated on me….. she is far away from where he leaves but he says to her that he considers her as a partner of his lifetime and asked me to sleep together last night before he leaves to another country…
i don’t know what to do from now on…

Amy

August 18, 2014 at 5:23 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost three months now. Up until then we’d had a wonderful relationship and he’d even took me to meet him family I was the first girlfriend they have ever met. hes’s from a diff. state and moved to be with me.7 I was his first real serious girlfriend and he was my first really boyfriend we got together when he was 19 and I was 23 he is now 24 and I’m 28 and he said I was the one and wanted to get married to me he even said I would be getting a ring and hitting it’d be very soon that was about a week before he broke up with me and we live together saying he needs a break/ wanted to go out more didn’t want to tied down etc. But he was the one pushing getting married. Then right like a week after we broke up he started to hookup with one of his co workers at the time I had no idea.

Since he kept telling me he just need time and also kept saying he wanted to get back together. But when I’d say ok and then he would change his mind and nothing happen. Then last month he tells me that he is sleeping with his co working and that when he leaves at night that’s where he goes not hanging out with his male friends. Since he would come home three times a day know but he did keep trying to start fights with me out of no where Which for most of them I would I let him know that I wouldn’t talk to him while he was like that and he’d get mad a leave for a few. He’d also say shes not his girlfriend.

Now at the end of July he tells that she tells people that he is her boyfriend even took him to meet here family But I know for fact that he has not told his family about her at all as far as they know he is still with me. which brings me to now last weekend he moved his stuff into her apt. after he got mad at me fr tell him he has to let our landlord know that he will be moving out after the lease ends in two months since also this whole time hes been saying that hes moving out. and most recent that he’s staying with her. He asked me why would i do that when he lives her too i said that’s news to me since that not what you’ve been telling me.

Then called he and said that he had decided to move out and in with her. then he showed up on the weekend saying he had to get the rest of his mail which he left the day before just so he’d have a reason to come back. and we talked for a bit. He let me know that he had done all of then to make me jealous for the most part and that he never wanted to move out but was mad at me when he did that and that he wants to fix us but thinks it wont work since it didn’t work before and the reason is because he feels like he can fix every thing on his own. Also he keeps asking me to wait for him but when i ask for how long he has no answer. He even told me what everyone already knew he has no idea what hes doing. Also i asked him for his house key back since he said i wouldn’t hear from or see him again and he said he’d keep it since he didn’t think the thing with this new girl was going to work out but he has been saying this since he told me about her.

But for the last three weeks I’ve been trying to work on me and get my life in order. And I’ve started NC and hes been calling my almost everyday and become a total text gnat and is also upset that he almost never sees me now that I have a new job so I’m not at home like I us to be. Just the other day I get this long text about how he gets that I don’t want to talk to him anymore and how he wont come crawling back when things don’t work out with the new girl etc. But hes said that before. and then he text me some more asking me to please call him and when I don’t he calls me/text me all day.

And I do miss him and want him back it;s so hard not talking to him all the time since we were together for so long. But my thing is I’m really not sure what he is doing since at the end of the day he keeps hitting that he wants to fix us and get back together but hes still with the new girl.

admin

August 19, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Have you attempted any form of NC yet?
Amy

August 19, 2014 at 3:59 pm

I just started last week. But now he’s calling/textting all the time now that I’m “always busy”.Since we still have an apartment together the only thing I’ve asked him is if he has his part of the rent and that was once since I’ve started.
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:16 am

In other words he is the one chasing you?
Amy

August 27, 2014 at 12:11 am

If you call texting me that he will not talk to me again or come crawling back if he’s rebound don’t work out then yes I guess? But I’m still keeping up with my nc and if I do see him then I go lc and only talk about the home we had together and nothing else but he wants to talk about other stuff. And let me know before he didn’t like not knowing what’s going on in my life anymore.
Amy

August 29, 2014 at 11:14 pm

Well today he called me out of the blue (I’m still doing nc and he stopped calling and text all the time) and acted like everything was ok and asking how I’d been an wanted to know why we didn’t talk anymore and I told him I was giving him the space he asked for and I was done dealing with the drama. I said that he only said that because he was mad and upset at the time.He told me how he was moving somewhere new with the girl I wished him luck. I also told him that I was over it and he ask if I was sure I said sure about what? He said about being over it because he found some paper that I wrote about us being in love and that he notice things like that. I let him know that it must be old and he said oh. I then said even if it was new why would he care since he made it clear he was done.

It just seems like he’s still playing games or still not sure what he’s doing.
Amy

September 7, 2014 at 9:37 pm

Well bit of an update. Since the 29th. He showed up the day after that. Then again later that week. And most recent yesterday. I’m still trying to keep up with nc. But when he comes over I try to keep it lite and friendly.
Amy

August 19, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Also I did try a few times before to do nc/lc before but I kept giving in to him day or two later. So this is the longest I’ve gone into nc
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:18 am

Just keep focused!

HotLilTeacher

August 18, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Just when I thought he was gone for good…he sends me a text telling me AGAIN why we didn’t work out. Yeah I know this. You told me already. He Also said that he feels he can’t be in a relationship (sign things aren’t working out with the other girl). Started reminiscing about our early days. Sent me a song that talks about finding love and it goes so fast. It was a confusing text because I got the impression that he was testing the waters but telling me he is letting me ago at the same time.

Hmmmm?

He hasn’t broken up with her even though she found out about our conversation. And I saw a picture of them together that she posted and he liked it. What’s he doing? Did he freak and they made up?

Any advice?

admin

August 19, 2014 at 2:12 pm

How do you know she found out about your conversation?
HotLilTeacher

August 19, 2014 at 7:10 pm

He told me
HotLilTeacher

August 20, 2014 at 7:08 pm

I’m kind of upset that he hasn’t broken up with her after that heart felt text. Why bother texting me? Did he need closure or something?
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:55 am

What was the text exactly? Jog my memory (its not as good as it used to be 🙁 .)
HotLilTeacher

September 8, 2014 at 6:11 pm

Hi Chris,
I don’t know if you got a chance to read the gist of what his text said. I’m feeling sad and hopeless now though. I haven’t heard from him in a month and there are pictures of him and his new gf all over facebook. We share friends. I don’t go looking, they just show up on my feed.

Why would he text me all those things? Closure?
HotLilTeacher

August 26, 2014 at 12:39 am

It said that he misses the beginning of us, even though we were both going through hard times because of divorces, we still had each other. He always wanted it to be me, but his trust was broken after he saw an email I sent to a friend about things not really working out between us and I jokingly told him to introduce me to his friends. I did follow your apologize for cheating guide (even though I did not cheat but I broke his trust)

He said he doesn’t know if he can ever be in a relationship, he was scared of loving me. Sent me a song about letting go and regret.

I sensed he was having doubts about his new girlfriend. But he’s still with her, almost a month after that text, and liking pictures she posts of them. So I don’t know if he was testing waters, seeking redemption, closure what?

I asked him not to send me anymore texts about us if he is still with her. Not fair to either one of us.
HotLilTeacher

August 29, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Hi Chris,

What do you think?

lisa

August 18, 2014 at 2:00 pm

yes i know i know, small steps at a time!

well… major update –
I saw him today… he came and met me at 9am in the city station then we walked to the hotel.. It was like amazing then arrived … Had the best sex, we talked a lot, listened to music in bed and shit… Kissed a lot…. Like as soon as we got in the hotel I changed and he couldn’t take his eyes off me lol and was like come here sit next to me and patted the pillows then kept saying come here and I did then … He immediately tried to spoon me hahaha and kiss me and shit he was obviously so keen and then yeah… We were going to go for lunch then I asked if he was still keen… So he seemed awkward like im not sure… I’m tired and he was.. but maybe because I could tell he felt weird we weren’t a couple and doing things so intimate after so long (plus he told me before he feels bad/morlas out the door since he doesn’t whore around)… You know? And when we had sex he would look at me and stuff … That connection … And when we tried to sleep a bit I turned to him and closed my eyes and I could tell he was looking at me when I opened my eyes then yeah… Went and got lunch after having sex so many times :p and we talked and laughed chilled ! It was so much fun but we didn’t really say bye … Our busses both came at the same time and he was like trying to say I’ll msg you, or I’ll see you soon? he was running for the bus… So anyway yeah no msg yet, i was dead I just woke up… He might be tired too and sleeping as well..

but it’s major progress since we would talk after the sex and talk… listen to music, have turns in picking and his songs were all.. lovey dovey,,,the one he kept playing and listening to on the train was “officially missing you” a cover by this korean band.

he also paid for lunch.. he kept asking where i was going or doing after this i just said busy and he laughed and said “you’re always busy nowadays”

so from today… turning out well, do i wait for him to message me or ?.. suggestions chris!!! 😀 😀

admin

August 19, 2014 at 2:02 pm

Wait for him to message you.
lisa

August 24, 2014 at 12:24 pm

??
lisa

August 19, 2014 at 4:15 pm

even if it takes ages…. why shouldn’t i message him ?

im seeing his friend on sunday.. to ask questions about the situation and update about my ex and the girl he is close with… and he wont tell my ex or the girl because he wont want to create drama…

is this a bad idea to trust and ask for advice on my ex … from his friend that im close with too?

if he likes someone… why have sex with me? why pay for lunch, we acted like best friends… yet i could tell he felt guilty.. that he has no feelings or guilty that he is confused… i dont know…

emotions can come back… but i think time is a concern.. how can you get an ex bf back if he likes some other girl/close to her than you?
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:17 am

Are you asking how can you get him back if he is closer with some other girl?
lisa

August 25, 2014 at 3:58 pm

oh my goodness…
we just talked and how he said ” i dont hate you, i dont judge” … and how i said “you can tell me lisa i dont want to talk to you, or i dont want to hang out, you can tell me”

ex- “yeah thats fine”

me- “wait so you dont want to ?
ex- “huh?”
me- like be friends, how we used to be and hang out and talk and laugh? or legit just let me know now… so i know my place and back off

ex- maybe with more people
and i said “plus all your friends hate me”

ex- “what hahaha i dont think they do”
me- im sure gary and stuff.. do”
ex- “i dont know, who cares”
then i said well i do.. i want peace and make mends.. so like if i ever did ever want to hang out .. awkward only your friend nick would come”

(no reply….)

but i guess it just means… he doesn’t like me but still wants to be friends.. what now? what do i do? any advice…

mum says be his friend.. and keep a distance… let time fix everything ?
admin

August 26, 2014 at 1:01 pm

Your mom seems like a smart lady 🙂
lisa

August 25, 2014 at 1:33 pm

i guess it is kind of good? we can be friends.. and our convo just then was “so you dont feel uncomfortable when we hang out or have lunch… just sex ? ”

ex- “i just mean, now we shouldnt do stuff anymore.. ” (does that mean later on .. or just never” haha im thinking this by the way.. )

then i said “oh okays so lunch and hanging out doesnt make you “morally feel wrong”

ex- “that is fine”

me- “you sure… you know you can be honest with me, tell me whatever you want”

what even is he thinking… no feelings? wants to start fresh? “now shouldn’t do stuff?” .. so later on? ” he is so confusing.. what do you think he means chris?
admin

August 26, 2014 at 12:48 pm

I think it means he is confused about how he feels which isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world.
lisa

August 25, 2014 at 12:04 pm

yes i am!! and look what just happened.. just then!!
so he just told me he didn’t regret the sex we had on monday and how it was good and nice… but then he said… he feels morally wrong… like how he told me before he feels bad… and we’re not even together and its just him, nothing i did and how i shouldnt be sorry… and i said is it something i did he said no no haha dont be silly! its just me” i asked if we can still talk he said “yeah talking is fine, of course”

HE JUST TOLD ME ” HE DOESNT REGRET IT… BUT I THINK NO MORE OF THAT STUFF.. YOU KNOW x) ” i said really how come? he said haha just i prefer not.. just bad… and how its better for him, and “no no im just saying now we shouldn’t do stuff anymore.. i prefer not , not your fault dont be silly lisa” and how we can still talk … when i asked should i stop messaging him

IM SO CONFUSED…… why is he saying this… whats going on? should i be happy or sad that he doesn’t want to do sexual stuff with me anymore?

could it be he really likes the girl and feels he is betraying her? or he just doesn’t think its good? im so shocked… thought it was working us getting closer..which we are but just no more sexual stuff?

why would an ex bf say that… or does he want to have a connection outside of sex?
admin

August 26, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Wait, is he dating that other girl?
lisa

August 20, 2014 at 7:31 pm

he just snapchatted me after he saw my photo on the story wall mine was a picture of me next to my mum being sick “thanks mum #sick #dead”

then he snapchatted me saying “i need a haircut” -selfie photo.. thats it. i didn’t reply…

i think because everytime we did sexting and stuff over viber and skype.. he never messaged me the next day so same concept when we had sex and no message?

if he truly liked someone… he wouldnt come backwards if he has “moved on” and sleep with me… even if he feels guilty that he has no love.. but it can still grow..

any advice?
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:57 am

He snapchatted you that you need a haircut? Is that his way of flirting? B/c its horrible if it is haha.
lisa

August 18, 2014 at 8:48 pm

i think the reason he hasn’t messaged could be because today confused him and he needs to stew in his own thoughts or could be because he felt weird since we aren’t together anymore.. sex is weird?

i dont know why he hasn’t messaged me… but im sure if he has time to check snapchat at 2am… on my story then im sure… he couldve… he is busy with study though and probably went to bed when he got home and gamed no time.. but i just dont know…

its progress but this little set back confuses me… if he wanted to use me he wouldnt suggest lunch and laugh and pay for us… just when the bus came… :/

honey

August 17, 2014 at 7:19 am

Hey Chris
Me and my ex are texting every day since 3 months now.
Flirting, talking about old good times and it almost seems like the friend zone barrier is getting thinner and thinner each day!
2 weeks ago, he asked me if I still could get him a watch and an other thing I got for him while we was together. He said it broke and asked me if I could get him another one. And the watch was something he always wanted to get from me when we was in a relationship. Now we are not really back together yet and he still asks me to send him all this? You see its not that I bending over backwards but its him who asks me to do something for him. Now since 3 weeks we have very limited contact due to his internet connection problems (unpaid bills). So what I suppose to do? Just sending him all this? I mean obviously it has a big meaning to him to get something from me?

honey

August 19, 2014 at 2:44 pm

Hello??? CHRIS???
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:12 am

Hello???

Whats going on??

Anna

August 16, 2014 at 3:06 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 1 year and 3 months broke up with me. I mean, I initiated the break-up first, telling him that we should cool off. He was hurt. I was too. I know I was so immature and insecure, because I compared myself to his ex, and when I didn’t get the answer I want to hear,I was so mad. He said he loved me more, but I really wanted him to say like “She’s nothing on you.” And yes, it was so stupid of me. After we broke up, he said things to me like “You are nonsense. I can’t trust you anymore. (That’s because I always break my promises)” then after that he told me “All I can say is that I loved you, so much. I gave you all. But you doubted my love.” And so I told him that I will never contact him again. He deleted our pictures on Facebook, he deleted me as a friend. And it hurts. Anyway, we are in a long distance relationship. But we have a very good relationship. We see each other every 3-4 months, and he is the ideal boyfriend. I want to apologize and patch things up with him, but I’m afraid he won’t talk to me, and worse, if he doesn’t want me anymore in his life. I want to give him space and NC rule might help me. But do you think there’s still a chance for us? After what I did and after he deleted some of our pictures?

– Anna

admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Sure, but you probably need to lay back for a bit to let HIM cool off haha.

ailana

August 16, 2014 at 12:11 am

I am guessing my situation is way different but ooh so similar in its own way. I have posted in other areas of your site, mostly the gist of my story but I wanted to tell what happened today. I have finally made the decision to start no (limited) contact with my husband after he threw me a wonderful birthday party. He made contact with me, nothing personal, a few times within the past couple days. I only responded as needed for the topic then quickly exited the call. I made no calls to him except for one that he asked me to let him know if I had found something, even then I waited for a while until I missed his follow up call. Long story short, I am guessing the emotional connection is there, we have always been very connected, for many many years I was his confidant and even at my party he says to me (with what appeared to be a twinkle in his eye) ” I need to tell you a story I have been dying to share with you for a long time now.” I felt like my best friend was talking to me again. Today after I’ve had as limited contact with him as I could for the past couple days, he came to our apartment wanting to watch a romantic comedy with me (Baggage Claim), and we did. When he left I was polite, smiled sweetly and said have a good one. He sort of walked out slowly and awkward (I don’t really know what to make of that, lol).

Anyhow, I am working on myself as a person and hopefully my new and improved self will be able to grow the emotional connection and attain the other three aspects of changing his mind. Just from these blogs articles I am coming around to be convinced by emotion and reason to buy your e-book. Thank you.
Hope

August 15, 2014 at 7:20 pm

I know every situation is different, there are similarities through most. Some of this is not in anything I’ve read. Believe me, when I say I’ve read almost everything there is to read on how to get back together with your ex including forum comments with advice, every applicable guide on this site, and the depths of google, searching for a similar situation, I’m not joking. Maybe someone else had a similar situation as me and if I post I could help someone else out too.

Background:
College Students
19 when we started dating
I was the first girlfriend
Neither of us are the “partying” type
We both suffer from depression; he’s untreated
@@@@@@

I started no contact Immediately after the break 7 months ago, about a week after our 1st year together.
I didn’t know I was supposed to do that. So when I scrutinized the internet and eventually found your site it had been 45 or so days already and neither of us had said a word to each other. I was scared to text him.

Utilizing your site and Text Your Ex Back I did text him in the middle of the 2nd month out. It was just short and sweet to show I wasn’t angry with him. I was so paranoid that he thought I was mad at him for ending it. No response which was ok.

At the end of month 2 I sent a (strenuously chosen) bliss reminder as directed and got a short response. I still don’t know it to be neutral or negative.

I waited 4 days and tried again but didn’t get a response that time.

I sent a bliss reminder in months 3 and 4.
No response from either.

So, feeling defeated I turned back to the internet for answers.

I tried Relationship Rewind and got him talking a bit in the end of month 5(score!)and talked about one of his passions and shared some progress with me.
…That book seems to move so fast through the steps that I was afraid. Immediately asking to hang out after your first actual conversation? Hellll no. We basically just touched base and lied to each-other about feeling “ok”.

I gave up for 2 months while thinking I’d try to get over him instead. I even tried going out with other guys. But there’s just something to him that keeps making me go back and keep trying.

The thing is, He’s the guy that everyone calls when THEY want to do stuff. He never initiates any plans with anyone else. Never did. Ever. Not to say that he doesn’t want/like to go, he just waits for someone to initiate the plans. He’s a loner and likes it that way. Filled with anxiety. Even if he was thinking of talking to me he’d be stressed out about it and he’s stubborn and his friends probably don’t help with that. It might just be a matter of pride.

I feel so sure that it’s not over and I know I have to say something to him soon or I’m gonna implode. I’m about to outright call him and say I want to start over and try again. I read on a forum yesterday that a woman did that to her ex after 7 months apart and he was on board, just as reluctant to call her as she was him.

I miss him more than I thought possible. Our mutual friend won’t speak to me and there’s been this other girl since the break up. I they’re not dating. May have been a rebound for a bit but they’re all friends now.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I get this odd headache every time I try to figure out where to go next. I’m so frustrated.

I know I stressed him out with being overly emotional sometimes and that made him unhappy thus ending our relationship. We were pretty great for the first 11 and a half months!

I’ve been reading 2nd Chance from Meet Your Sweet. It’s very helpful but the reconciliation part just doesn’t seem right.

I was considering trying The Penguin Method next, or when i get him back. I’m unsure how well that would work on an ex you’re not speaking to. Although I might have found some openings to strike up a conversation over.

I’m pretty sure I’m mostly just afraid of being rejected. But I set the standard for all of his future relationships so I shouldn’t be too worried.

I lost myself in the relationship and I want a chance to try again so badly.

I should mention that I’ve been working on myself this entire time and will continue to.

I have some ideas and I’d REALLY appreciate any advice or suggestions for the best course of action.

Thanks.

admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:27 pm

May I ask how long you two dated for?

marggie

August 14, 2014 at 1:58 am

Hey,

So me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago. And he wanted it to be over even before that. I had problems with his girl best friends which used to be his exs and I kept it all in for the first nine months of our relationship. I had legitimate reasons to get hurt like him choosing them over me sometimes. And I finally told him on the 9th month. He gave up on them and he stopped talking to them for months. He started missing them and everything. He broke up with me because he said i’m not worth it, he doesn’t love me etc. And it was about what happened with those girls was the problem. So we broke up because of that, and I did do the no contact but he kept messaging me and I couldn’t help myself but to reply. He kept coming back around three times and sometimes he’ll be fine with me and one time he got so angry and said he doesn’t want to be my friend and he doesn’t want to talk to me. Two days after that, he came back again and he told me the truth. He said he loves me, he wants me and everything but he can’t come back because of his friends. He doesn’t want to risk losing his friends again for me. We’ve been talking a lot, everyday and even all day. He said that they don’t know that they’re stopping him from being with the one he loves but they’re happy that we’re not together. He’s been suggesting that we meet up, but last night when we skyped for a while he thinks that it’s wrong because he is not ready to interact with me. I asked him why and he said he said he feels guilty. But we’re still going to be friends and meet up. And for the whole time we were together he was so in love with me and he did do everything for me. I want him back, I want to be with him and fix it with his friends. I just don’t know what to do. I think using reverse psychology can work but I don’t know how to do it. He did say that he knows that we can do something but he’s just not gonna let it happen because he doesn’t want to risk it. He said that he misses me and everything, but letting me go was the best thing to do for both of us. Is it too late for me to get him back or what? Thanks

admin

August 14, 2014 at 12:53 pm

His best friends are his exes…. That is rough.
marggie

August 15, 2014 at 8:04 pm

Yeah it is rough. They were so happy he was with me before because I was just one girlfriend he had that never complained at that time. But now that he explained things about the stuff he does with them and I understand more, I’m willing to start fresh and not be stupid this time. I’d just shut up about what I really feel like before and just let him do what he wants. I can’t really do anything now though.
marggie

August 26, 2014 at 4:49 am

So it’s been quite a while but he keeps texting me and he still calls me what we used to call each other. I don’t text him first, he would always text me first asking how was my day, how I’m feeling, whats up etc. He’d also say things like he’s sick and that he’s not taking care of himself which is random. I don’t know why he’s like this. Whenever I say I’m not okay he’ll say I should be fine and then I’d ask if he’s doing great he said he’s just doing fine so I’d ask what’s up with him. I feel like he’s hiding something from me and he doesn’t want to tell me. Why is he like this and what should I do? Still want him back

Me

August 13, 2014 at 11:46 am

Hey Chris,
So recently I was just checking in on my ex and he retweeted a country quote ” he didn’t know what he had. Well it’s too late , and that’s too bad” is this bad ? Or good? Or ugh I don’t and recently also I put a picture of my self on snapchat I guess you could say it was a good looking picture and I go back on it later and he unfriended me on snapchat. Why? I didn’t do anything wrong did I? And he is always favoriting this girls stuff liking all of her statuses, pictures everything. So an other thing he favorited was this> ” un kiss ur lips kiss them again, so good so right , this is one night I’m wishing I could rewind” does any of this involve me do you think and do you think he likes the other girl?

admin

August 14, 2014 at 10:56 am

Hmm… I tend to think it’s more good than bad.

Melanie

August 13, 2014 at 3:01 am

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of 4 years abruptly broke up with me in April . It was really out of the blue. Though we had a rough patch from Oct-Dec of 2013 due to our conflicting schedules and finishing up his thesis for medical school, things seemed to be on the upswing. He said he needed to focus on school as the primary reason for the breakup and that our special spark faded. The breakup blindsided me. I did not see it coming. We have been in each other’s lives for 8 years and great friends before we started to date, so the breakup was tough for both of us. I feel as though there is hope since we were very compatible, minimal arguments that were always resolved quickly through compromise, similar goals in life, common hobbies/interests, and our families approved of our relationship. There was almost no conflict during our 4 year relationship. But my main question is this: is it ever too late to start NC? I am just starting it now in August, and we broke up in April–that’s nearly 4 months after it ended. Am I too late? After the breakup I didn’t do NC right away and tried to be friends which is what he wanted…I feel as though my chances have been shattered. What do you think?
Melanie

admin

August 13, 2014 at 2:18 pm

No I don’t think its too late at all.
Melanie

August 25, 2014 at 4:38 am

I am halfway done with NC (2 weeks have passed), and I’m still so worried I didn’t do it soon enough. My ex and I had been on friendly terms up until an awkward argument where he said he couldn’t talk to me anymore. I sent him an inside joke meme of a teacup pig, and he never responded. I have been doing NC for 2 weeks since, and I am a little bit surprised he has not contacted me. He is just starting med school so he is excited about all the new things in his life…but I’m sad that he probably does not miss me at all. Again, we have been friends for almost a decade. Did I screw things up that badly? I guess time will tell. I’ve been rediscovering my passions, working out at the gym like crazy, and applying for jobs to keep me busy. But it is hard being so alone. I just hope things will get better and hopes he does contact me during NC…

Chiara

August 6, 2014 at 8:33 pm

Hi Chris,
my boyfriend broke up with me one week ago after 2 years. It was shocking for me (and, in reality, for all of our friends) because till 3 days before leaving he was the same: he invited me to sleep at his house, cooked for me, consoled me for my exams, kissed me and hugged me with tenderness and texed me.

He sayed there was no reason, he was good with me but in a month he realized he wasn’t feeling the same emotions. This was more confusing for me, because I can tell you during the last week of June i was sure he was feeling more and more for me.

He cried a lot, said he was sorry to never show how much he was involved and said I will never be a friend of him. Cause I said to him I didn’t want to talk to him for months, he said this will hurt him so bad. I know his ex gf, instead, wrote to him and went out with him still being fond of. In addition, he added that “2 years are normal at our age (22), more years are exceptions”.

In this months we were stressed for our exams (he’s near his degree), but we didn’t argue in serious way, and we were planning for our trip toghether this week of August.

He’s not the only man, but I was very good with him and I can’t understand his reasons and to end something like this.

1. Is there a possibility he stills want me but he’s afraid of his feelings and time, or have I to quit ’cause it’s clear he doesn’t love me?

2. as it was me who decided to not contact him, will he react to the no contact or will he accept it?

Thanking you for your courtesy
Chiara

admin

August 11, 2014 at 11:05 am

Right now just make it through the NC alright.

It’s not a matter of him accepting NC or not b/c I recommend that YOU contact him afterwards.

lisa

August 6, 2014 at 3:34 pm

just asked someone overseas and took my fortune about us.. and she said the door is closed… no point because he USED TO LOVE YOU SO MUCH but…. now he has another girl on his mind … (the girl that he liked when we broke up but she had a bf at the time.. they got close but she finally just posted on instagram its time for me to move on etc..)

so if she wanted to be with my ex she would’ve by now!! what do i do!?!?! i cant just listen to a fortune teller … but she was right.. on the fact my ex likes the girl… but im confused we sext, and he wants sex but he says he feels bad when we do stuff afterwards like against his morals… (could also be because he has feelings for her…)

I even saw him 3 days ago at his work and we talked for 15 minutes and he was shocked and happy and nervous! i asked him for lunch like last night and he said… he had to catchup on lectures and he said maybe another time? i acted cool and calm and said sure! sorry for asking thought you were free.. he said haha naa all good then i said let me know when your free… and i thought i was busy ? he replied “haha alright ” and then i sent a snap today going gym he replied tired~ and then back and forth then he sent one him being out to korean bbq (possibly with the girl and his friends)

(the girl is at a different university by the way to him… and she posted a instagram photo how she is going to move on from the idea of her ex)

what do i do? listen to the fortune teller and give up.. but the future can always change right? everyone says my status with my ex is good we talk, we sext, we flirt, we just havent caught up for catchup!

but if my ex likes someone… and she mightve been the reason 20% why we broke up… is there hope for me? can being intimate help get him close(would always work before) what do i do?! if he likes her? and not as much for me…? but why keep coming back for sexting and stuff with me.. if he really liked her he wouldn’t have done stuff with me right?

please help chris..

admin

August 11, 2014 at 10:45 am

Sorry for the late response.

I personally don’t believe in fortune tellers. However, if YOU get the feeling that the door is closed then maybe it is time for you to keep it closed.
lisa

August 12, 2014 at 5:56 pm

its fine, you’re a busy man 😀

and well to be honest… i think the door isnt closed just yet, because our destiny and future is in out own hands.. and it can always change!!

so… ill get you up to date.. my ex and me are meeting up on monday to have sex.. i rented out a hotel.. (we planed to go to one for our 3 yr anniversary but never happened.. because of the break up) and then he suggested to eat afterwards obviously

I’m just confused Chris… if he really liked the other girl why come to me for sex? i guess it means he doesn’t really liker that much.. since we have been sexting, and even asked me to go on skype and we did stuff (like how we used to when we went out)

its a step in the right direction because he even said i feel bad after we do stuff.. not my morals… so i guess he feels comfortable enough and trusts me..since he lost his virginity to me and vice versa!!

any advice for monday? can emotional bonds be formed from being intimate? and does it mean anything if he wants to be sexually active with me yet likes the girl?
admin

August 13, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Yes emotional bonds can be formed I am not going to lie… However, what you are about to do is something I dont recommend.
lisa

August 13, 2014 at 3:44 pm

yes i know i know :'(

but the thing is chris… it feels like its the only way to see him in his true light and when we get lunch.. then afterwords i can make a final decision as whether he felt something or is just using me and likes the other girl…

if emotional bonds can be formed and because we are good friends then maybe it might work…
but how do you get an ex bf to open up the communication lines more… when he has another girl on his mind :/ ?

if you like someone… you wouldn’t go to your ex gf for sex even if you said earlier “friends with benefits is a bad idea, fucks with your head” (hypocrite much… my ex said that)
admin

August 14, 2014 at 11:50 am

I personally think sex is something that committed couples should be doing not exes who aren’t official (thats just my own opinion though as I am extremely old fashioned.)
lisa

August 14, 2014 at 4:23 pm

hmmm I understand, thank you for your opinion!

i guess i just believe every couple is different and we connected very well on a sexual note… so if this is the last thing to help me decide to move on or not.. then it’s worth a shot!

if my ex bf asks me if “you ok? because i saw a photo of you looking sick and not well… ” how can i use this to be more open? i mean today he sent me a “take care x” he never EVER X OR XO? i know its not a big deal… but it shows he is slowly maybe… being closer..

slow and steady wins the race right? 🙁
how can you get someone to be emotionally attached chris, if he might be close to another girl and like her?
admin

August 15, 2014 at 2:39 pm

I guess you have to become a bigger force for him than the other girl is.
lisa

August 16, 2014 at 8:05 am

thats true…

well on a side note, i snapchatted everyone and him as well asking if my outfit last night was “yay or ney?” and he immediately messaged me “where are you going?” then i didnt reply and 7 minutes later… “you look alright aha” – and i know him… he just doesn’t want to say wow… you look smashing! so he uses humour and acts sarcastic :p

is this good? He isn’t chasing me… but at the same time is… hard to explain but when i message he replies quickly and we have funny casual convo’s … i think the hotel/monday situation is making me nervous yet excited… keep in mind he is turning 20 (so in your recent post i saw.. but he isnt the party type or social type, he rather stay home and study +game )

i know -.- i’m so lucky… lol plus he’s very clingy when he finds someone he is close to (hence the other girl)

do you see progress or am I in “LA LA land” ?
admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:51 pm

I would say its progress and progress is always good but its not massive progress so don’t let it go to your head ok.

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