Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Devasted
March 23, 2016 at 3:01 pm
Hello,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. A couple days ago we got into a really petty argument which ended up him breaking up with me. He ended up telling me it was because he’d been feeling this way for a while now. I personally don’t believe for one second that he has been feeling like this for any amount of time. Every thing was going great. We would talk from the moment we woke up until the moment we fell asleep. He’d call me every single day after work, and anytime he knew he was going to see me later, he would text me all day telling me how excited or how he was looking forward to seeing me later. We have been sexually active, affectionate and talk to each other about everything. We even have keys to each other’s apartments. We had a really good relationship, all of his friends and mine could see that too. There was virtually no fighting or arguing. There was no signs of unhappiness coming from him, if anything he seemed really happy. The thing is he did this about 5 months ago. He has these phases where he kind of shuts down and just says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and then a couple days to a week goes by and he calls me and gets back together with me. The last time he did this he said it was the last time and that he would not come back, but alas he did. He saying the same thing again this time. That he’s not going to get back together with me, and i of course told him that he said this last time too. He still answers my calls. He wont say that he doesn’t love me anymore, and he wont tell me to stop trying. I keep asking him if he just wants me to give up and he tells me that i can do whatever i want, but at the same time he’ll say things like ‘nothing you say is going to change my mind’. I just can’t help but feel like if he really wanted this to be over for good that he would just cut me off, that he wouldnt take my calls or reply to my text messages. I don’t feel like I am in denial about this. I know that he loves me, and i know that he has never loved someone as much as he loves me. I just don’t know what to do. He’s the love of my life, my soulmate and my everything, and i just cant let him go. I know deep down he wants to be with me but he keeps getting in his own head and psyching himself out. I can’t live without him. I just feel like there’s got to be something i can do to fix this, or make him see things differently, please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 1, 2016 at 1:00 pm
HI Devastated,
How are things now?
Rollercoaster
March 18, 2016 at 8:41 pm
Hello,
My ex keeps going back and forth as to whether he wants to see me or not. We were together for 2 years. Before he went on vacation a week ago, he said he wanted us to grab lunch sometime when he got back and see where it goes. The day he got back he texted me and said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and he’s not ready for it. Now, he broke up with me and he was the one who first asked to get together. I responded to him with a that’s unfortunate, I was looking forward to catching up and seeing where it goes and that during our time apart and not talking, i realized things that we couldve improved upon in our relationship. We talked about those issues, and at first he said he didn’t want to go back to the way things were (we were together 24/7. He was dependent upon me) and then after we mentioned how to change those, he said maybe someday we will get together. What are my next steps? I’ve bought the book but I need a bit more help.
Rollercoaster
March 21, 2016 at 1:15 pm
Never talked about getting back together. Only said “yeah we had a lot of fun”.
He ended up calling and facetiming me on sunday night and texted me throughout a show that we used to watch all the time when we lived together. He was trying to “play it cool” and said it was to see the dog but wants us to now hangout on saturday.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 22, 2016 at 6:07 am
okay, that”s good.. when you meet try a little touch here and there and keep the attraction growing.. don’t mention anything about getting back together just keep the contact yhere and the rapport and the attraction to build slowly… check this other posts for that 🙂
Seduction 101: How To Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend
The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR 023: How To Keep Your Boyfriend Intrigued
I hope these posts helps .. 🙂
Rollercoaster
March 19, 2016 at 6:12 pm
We;ve done no contact and it help put a lot into perspective. We’ve been broken up since December. I want us to move forward because our breakup fits in the “general breakup” category. He even texted me last night to reminisce about our good times together and then he didn’t text me back today. I don’t get it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 8:03 am
but you didn’t talk about getting back together right? How did you reply to that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 4:34 pm
Hi Rollercoaster,
he’s having second thoughts because hes used to you being around and yet he has recently learned that he shouldn’t be too dependent… are you going to do no contact?
gts
March 10, 2016 at 5:03 am
My gay partner and I broke up at the end of November last year after he discovered that I had been cheating on him for some time. He is a person whom procrastinates, is always right and won’t listen to reasoning. Since the breakup he has destroyed any photos of us from the past 6 years, moved all my furniture from the house and has locked me out. We still see each other on the odd occasions and he constantly brings up the cheating. I love my partner extremely and he says that I don’t show that to him. He won’t let me in to show him how much I love him. All he wants to do now is sell our house and move on and then he says he wants to forget me to the point where he doesn’t even remember my name. We have done so many happy things during our 6 years and been on overseas trips as well. We have very close family connections to both sides. He says that he still loves me in a way, but not like he used to and says that he still really cares for me. I still see his parents from time to time and in a way they have forgiven me. He says that he would just go out and find someone whom he can really trust and will love him. I know that this sounds hard to believe, but I have loved him all the time. I didn’t tell him everything when he first found out and a friend of his ex boyfriends discovered a gay dating site that I had been on before I asked him to be my partner and then after suffering some depression last year was on it again.
His brother went through the same thing 4 years ago and all we heard about for 4 years was how my partner wanted to kill his brothers ex and how she should just vanish from the face of the earth. He n ow wants me to do the same thing. i am taking responsibility for what I have done and I am seeking regular psychologist help.. He sees one once every 6 weeks.
He told me 2 weeks ago that he doesn’t want to try to sort things out and that the relationship is over. On saying that he is giving so many mixed signs. Says he will get appraisals on the house, but hasn’t. When he sees me, he gives me a hug and an occasional peck on the neck. I am so confused and don’t know where to turn hence why I am writing on hear.
Can someone just turn off their love for you and go from loving to hating you over night. I am trying my hardest to sort this all out and to show him that I can be a person whom can be respected and trusted, but he is being stubborn. I have even organised relationship counselling but i don’t know if he will attend. Can someone give me some advice
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:30 pm
Hi Gts,
sometimes hate covers the love… You have to gibeve him time to forgive you amd also let time prove that you can be trusted..
reena
March 3, 2016 at 2:35 pm
mam,i want to hear from u pls help.my ex and i had 8 month relation,we contacted mostly through phone,once in a while he messaged me i cheated u,i felt feeling towards another girl,he told he loved another girl in his class,for some days,he compared me with her.,suddenly i calld him and askd about that,and i cried,and cut the fon,then i saw his message n my fon,he askd me one more chance,i loved him that much because of that i gave him chance,but i used to fight with him,i askd again about that incident,how could you able to cheat me?i loved u tat much,i repeatly askd this question..then next day he tested am not ok,i didnt fight this much with anyone,we can close this relation.i was a shock for me.i calld and messagd him,most of the tym he ignored my call and messages,and he blockd me n every possible way,he s not havng any feelng towards tat girl,he s saying he s going for an arrangd marriage..i never did no contact rule,in college he used to look at me,i thought he has love,but our college days got over,and its being 2yrs ,,i used to msg him through facebook,and he told me he deleted my fon number and he changd his sim,only i can remember one thing he lookd at me during college days.last day n college also he did tat,is he havng any feelng towards me??he told to his frnds tat-no one will ever love like me?but then also he doesnt want me?mam pls tell is he havng any feeling towards me???
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 2:54 pm
Hi Reena,
Just want to clear some things.. are you in college? is he in arranged with the other girl?
Valerie
March 2, 2016 at 5:28 am
My ex distanced himself from me for a few months before revealing to me he didn’t feel the same anymore. After I broke up with him, he seemed perfectly fine, smiling and all. Only recently did I find out from a mutual friend that my ex cried for a while immediately after the break up. I’m confused on what happened and what to do from now.
Valerie
March 4, 2016 at 6:19 pm
No, my ex thinks I’m reaching out to be friends. I don’t know if he suspects anything else. And I don’t know why he would make me feel sad; our friend doesn’t know why either.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 6:23 am
okay.. try again after a week.. if he really doesn’t reply..stop, coz that means he doesn’t want to talk or he’s not ready
Valerie
March 4, 2016 at 1:09 am
Also, what isn’t the same now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 7:18 am
I mean he may not feel the same way as he did when you just recently broke up.. so, did your friend tell him why you’re reaching out? why would he make you feel sad? Is it because he knows you want to get back and he doesn’t?
Valerie
March 4, 2016 at 1:07 am
I’ve tried to reach out and talk to him, but our mutual friend told me my ex feels awkward talking to me. That he doesn’t know what to say and he doesn’t want to make me sad.. ? I don’t know what to do.
Valerie
March 3, 2016 at 3:22 am
It been 3 months since the break up and we last spoke about a month ago.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 1:15 pm
he’s reaction was normal then but that doesn’t mean it’s the same now.. it doesn’t mean it’s worse too..
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 4:37 pm
Hi Valerie,
well he’s human and he feels loss too even if he’s the one who asked for a break up.. how long have you broken up and when was the last time you talked?
Sarah
February 24, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Hey Amor and Chris,
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me about a month ago. He has broken up with me in the past (we were broken up for a whole year) and I did everything a girl is not supposed to do when a guy breaks up with her. I called, texted… the whole shpeel… for a whole entire year. Magically, he came back to me. We got back together and everything was pretty decent, and then just out of the blue he broke up with me one month ago. This time around i’ve been way better. I haven’t implemented no contact rule yet, but I haven’t really texted him either. He has contacted me a few times asking me how i’m being so strong, and he’s told me that he misses me and is lonely. This past weekend he changed his profile picture to him and this other girl (this girl is one of his closest friends from med school and she has a boyfriend and is madly in love with her boyfriend) but regardless it kinda made me break down a little… He told me that he’s not trying to hurt me and that he’s not over me. The reason why he broke up with me was because he said he doesn’t think he loves me anymore. But yet he’s telling me he’s not over me?!?!?! I’m super confused….
Anyways, point is… i really want him back. I just discovered your website in the past month and have been reading every single article written. My issue has been that I have been having a hard time doing no contact because it was leading up to his 21st birthday which is today. I have been so anxious (no clue why), and also very sad that I don’t get to be with him on his birthday. I guess Ive been hoping since we broke up that his birthday would be the day that he would want to really speak to me and maybe ask to see me. But it doesn’t seem like it’s going in that direction.
Point is, what I really want to know is: 1) do you recommend I delete him on facebook and every social media? 2) how do i not get anxious that he will hook up with other people? 3) does no contact actually really work and have them running back to you? I’m so hesitant to do it because I don’t want to seem like a bitch (pardon my french) and I don’t want him to get over me while i’m not around.
I’m begging you to please respond with your thoughts. I want him back so bad and am willing to try anything, I just don’t feel strong enough and I need a little nudge in the right direction and don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. He was my best friend for 4 years. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 11:10 am
Hi Sarah,
We can’t guarantee that no contact will 100% get him back because that’s a lie.. Nothing is for sure.. But like he said, he lost love for you.. butI think what he meant is attraction and also I think he meant he can’t get over you because he didn’t anticipate your action now..
Nc can help to make him miss you, and for you to improve yourself, build self confidence and aim to be stronger emotionally.. If he really loves you, he will understand why you’re distant right now and he won’t go to anybody else..
Ice
February 8, 2016 at 6:16 am
I missed him but I didn’t told him. I messaged him through FB eventhough I unfriended him, I just asked how is he. He answered but I can feel his coldness towards his answer since he didn’t used the nickname he always called me. After that convo I never contacted him again. Is what im doing right? I asked him when we fought last january if what is his plan so that I can ready myself but he didn’t answered. He left me hanging. What should I do? Help me please
Ice
February 9, 2016 at 11:28 pm
Thank you Amor. I will stick again to the no contact rule. You think this is over for the two of us? The way he act seems like I’m not important to him
Ice
February 9, 2016 at 5:13 am
Yes, i did the no contact again. Is this right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 8:51 pm
if he’s not answering, then nc is the better choice than texting or calling further
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 3:35 am
Hi Ice,
are you doing nc now?
Ice
February 7, 2016 at 4:44 am
Hey Cris
I really need your help soo bad. I was with this guy for almost 3 years but never had commitment because we both believe to focus on career first and to reach our dreams first. I am 23 years old and he was 25. We live in the same place but he moved to other place for work. So what we are doing is we always text each other and when he went home we are also seeing each other. In fact I can feel that I belong to their family because her parents always welcome me whole heartedly whenever I am with them.
What happened is last year September we had this fight which leads to no contact for almost 1 month, I followed your no contact rule. Thanks to you. And we again contacted each other and went to normal, the usual day to day communication. But again this January we fought again because I was too jealous that he met this girl for lunch, I asked him he said it was just a friend but I didn’t believed him until I nagged him and he suddenly pulled away and now I had realized that she was really just a friend and I regret what I did to him. We never had contact for almost a month since he never answered to my text so I gave him space, I tried to contact him again once after a month but he is still cold towards his answer. What is the meaning of this? Is this over, without closure? Is there a posibility that he will change his mind and contact me? Help me please Im so confused I know the fact that we dont have the commitment but I know he still cares for me. Hope you could help me cris. Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Hi Ice,
I don’t think it is. He hasn’t broken up with you… How did you contact him again? What did you say?
Jena
February 2, 2016 at 4:16 am
Hi Chris,
I’ve read your articles, found interesting. My guy is in the mists of a messy divorce, we were seeing each other for a while, and then suddenly he pulled back and told me he needed space, so I did the NC, it’s been a week now, then I get a text from him saying “he still has feelings for me and I misses me a lot . It’s important for him to be alone at this point to sort some of his feelings and to figure out what he wants at work and outside work”.
I didn’t respond, as figured NC rule needs to remain in effect if he’s sorting himself out… or should I be doing something different here? What should I be looking for when he’s texting me?
Thanks, a little confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 12:27 pm
Hi Jena,
You’re doing it right. What do you mean by what you should be looking for with his texts?
Dinalanim
February 1, 2016 at 9:17 am
Dear Chris,
It has been a week since I ave broken up and I have been reading your website and it has comforted me on various occasions but there are few when I am just lost and confused. Hence I decided to write here hoping you could have some answer for me 🙂
Well, so we dated for 3 months and everything was so beautiful, of course the honeymoon period but I could notice it ending and we began to see the real selves of each other. As for me, I was aware of this and weren’t shocked to find some of his bad habits but in his case it weren’t the samr. He kept seeing my flaws and built them up in his mind. never spoke to me about it and just broke up with me one fine day. The first time round I convinced him not to and we agreed to continue but that week hadn’t been my best as I were insecure and clingy because of what he said, and this ruined it further. To be honest there were nothing that we couldn’t pass but he broke up with me again. I understand why because according to my logical reasonings and his actions I believe he was either scared of a relationship and chickened out or he were delusional about how relationships work.
NOW to let you understand why I feel so is because he gave me various absurd reasons such as I lost feelings for you, I don’t feel what I felt before with one other girl, it didn’t work out for us because that girl didn’t want the same thing so now I want to have the same feelings for someone as I did for her and hopefully the girl has them for me. He also mentioned that we spent too much time together (which I agreed) but most of his argument was about loosing some feelings for me which he couldn’t explain but he knew for sure that he couldn’t see a future with me and that nothing could make this work.
His words we so strong and confident but in contrary, the first time we broke up on Sunday he cried as I were leaving his house and said how he ruined everything, the next day I msged him that I missed him a lot and he wrote back – it is normal we will miss each other for some days and forget soon .. then he said he will drop by at my house to give me some of my things back which I had forgotten, and I said, he come this evening and he agreed
That night when he was over .. we spoke and spoke about it because I wanted him to see that it was just a phase which would pass because honestly we did make each other happy, on Sunday he even said how much he liked me and cared about me (before the breakup)
But he didn’t listen to it and stuck to his story that he were sure it weren’t a phase and he just didn’t feel anything for me. Finally he had to leave and he cried again because he were slightly hesitant to leave me .. and I couldn’t accept this reason as I felt something could be done so I wrote him a msg again trying to show how things could be changed with time and patience if he tried.
But his final msg said that he were sorry and he had been thinking of it for three days and he didn’t regret his decision and knew it was the best for him.
In my logic I cannot accept why one would cry and be so hesitant to leave you .. why come see me to my house and return my stuff (which in the first place weren’t even important)
Is there a possibility that I may be wrong in my logic and that he actually lost feeling for me of a sudden OR I may be darn right that he did chicken out and perhaps has a delusional view of a relationship
In anyway. I am so hurt and he begins first day or new work today and I am afraid with all this new move he is going to forget me. I am not talking to him now but he is on my Facebook. I have been dating few people but don’t feel ready. I would like to have him back but for real reasons because I think this was a good relation and my flaws could be worked on and only happy things lie forward (just as I told him). Do you think he would perhaps miss me or contact me back ?
To be honest we didn’t spend a lot of time together but I were always nice with him but at the same time I know he could find someone as nice and he won’t think of me then :/ he doesn’t see what I see
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Hi Dinalanim,
Yeah I think he chickened out. He’s not aware the honeymoon phase ending but bad news is that, he’s comparing you to his previous relationship and sees that it’s better. I think that’s one of the reasons why he’s confused but I also think he misses you that’s why he’s hesistant to leave and makes excuses to see you.
Felesha
January 27, 2016 at 9:26 pm
Hi Chris, I hope you can help me with my problem, but first thank you for making this website and those podcasts. Seriously I can only imagine what it takes to listen to everyone’s problems, try to solve them and then go home to your own problems. Your a really strong person, just wow.
So my problem is this: I met this guy at work and at first I didn’t even notice him really, but he convinced me to give him my number. We talked for a month, then started dating. We only dated about a month, then he broke up with me in the first week of this new year. I didn’t know what to do, I have never had my heart broken before, I did not know I was that far gone on this guy honestly. I of course panicked and blew up his phone with “whys” and all that jazz. He told me he just was not attracted to me any more and that he didn’t know why and that I was a good girlfriend and he should want to be with me. He said he cares about me and is sorry and hoped that we could still be friends. Honestly now that I’ve read your articles I was probably being clingy and did not give him enough space, plus we work together. I wish I had read these before hand now, but I was just enjoying being in a relationship after so long. That and he’s had horrible past girlfriends and I didn’t want to be one of them.
After the crazy two days I ended up doing no contact (before I even knew what that was this was before I decided to google my problem) and avoided him for two weeks. On day fourteen I finally asked if he meant it when he said he still wanted to be friends and we started texting and he agreed to call me once a week. Of course now I’ve read your articles and i am wondering if I have just shot my chances of getting him back in the face? Should I just go ahead and work on slowly trying to build attraction again in texts and the call? Or do I need to make myself scarce except for the call? I want to make him chase me again but he’s really stubborn, knows about the no contact rule (I guess from when he googled it from past relationships), and knows that I still like him because in the crazy two days I said I’d wait and to let me know if the attraction comes back. The 28th will be day 20 since the break up. Again thank you in advance for the advice and for helping us girls. These articles are a real source of comfort. -Felesha
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2016 at 9:19 am
Hi Felesha,
Even if he knows about the no contact rule, he won’t know if you’re just doing it or really moving on. And it doesn’t change the fact that when you’re attractive, you are attractive! We can’t change the fact that physical appearance matters and it’s very important to attract somebody and if you don’t have an attitude problem, it won’t be hard to attract him again. Because honestly, the only thing that trumps physical attractions is when the guys knows that the girl has an attitude problem. So, work on being the ungettable girl. Since you’re already in contact with him, just make the most of it. Make it positive and don’t ask him when you two are going to get back together. Treat it like you’re getting to know each other.
CONFUSED
January 13, 2016 at 11:01 am
I have done the no contact rule, and I initiate the first contact after 30 days. It was a positive response. I used the tide theory. At first, most of the time, he initiated the contact first. I’d say about 70/30 split. There was once I bumped into him somewhere unexpectedly, he looked really nervous when he saw me, which reminded me of the time when he first had a crush on me before we were together. After awhile, he initiates the first contact all the time, everyday. I would say a 100/0 split. He even kept bringing up the happy memories of the past, places we used to go and things we use to do. He even talked about the future, will we have a chance to meet up again. (because i am leaving soon to study abroad and i told him im not sure if i will be coming back to my country) he even said he wants to visit me in the country where i am studying, and will try to save money from his salary. (he’s working now)
I told him to come see me when I’m in the airport one last time before I fly. He told me he will see about that because he is afraid that he might cry if he goes.
Do you think he wants to get back with me? but the only thing that is holding him back is the uncertainty of the future (he’s not sure if we will ever meet and settle in a same place permanently)
(if u asked about my plan, my plan is when he comes to visit me, hopefully the environment speaks for itself and convince him that it’s better to go there.)
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 10:35 am
Hi Confused,
Well, he is trying to make an effort. If you really want this relationship to proceed. Nurture it. Honestly, You can only the real answer to your question if you ask him. Enjoy what’s he’s doing for you and if you’re in the right place and time, take the opportunity to ask what you need to know about the status of your relationship.
CONFUSED
January 13, 2016 at 11:54 am
and yes, he initiated the break up. not me. is he having second thoughts? thank you in advance for replying!
CONFUSED
January 13, 2016 at 11:05 am
I can sense that he wants me badly, but this issue is holding him back. But I still want some advice and confirmation from an expert like you. 🙂 Thanks
i really want him back, I hope fate bring us back together. but if in the future, we end up in different countries, I might just find a new bf.
Savannah
January 4, 2016 at 8:21 pm
Hello Chris! I love your website, but I am in a situation that I’m not sure if you have covered exactly. My ex and I were in a great, passionate relationship for 7 months, without drama, fights or lack of commitment. Small arguments arised, and one night he broke up with me saying things like “he didn’t think we were right for each other”. He came back that week strong, wanting to get back together and regretting his decision. We gave it another try, but I was having a difficult time dealing with the emotional repercussions from the break-up which had me acting insecure and sad. A few weeks back in, after me bringing everything up again and causing a fight he broke up with me again. That night he wrote me a very long heartfelt email explaining where he was coming from but containing themes of “I have never been as attracted to anyone in the same way as you”, “I would hate if you kept me out of your life”, and “if it’s meant to be, I think things will work out”. This was before I found your website and after a few weeks of moving on, I asked if we could talk and he explained that he still felt the same way and although he misses me and is sad, thinks he could be happier without me. I have analyzed my reasons for wanting to get back, and conclude that they are indeed good one. I am going to do what I need in order to let go, focus on self improvement, and become a ex worth regretting. My question to you is, if a stand-up guy tells you that he ultimately doesn’t know if you are right for him or not, is there hope he could change his mind after having time and space from the situation? Or is that pretty much a non-reversible statement. Unfortunately he did not dive deep into the reasonings as to why he believes that.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 11:32 pm
Hi Savannah,
As they say, change is the only thing constant in this world.
Have you seen this post?
“I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together…” What Does It Mean?
andal
January 4, 2016 at 10:25 am
hey we had been dating for 1 year .. first few months were amazing ….. but from start we always had in mind of getting married to each other …. after 6 months we broke up due to miss understanding then ot back after 1 or 2 months… then again my boy friend got back we had nice time ….. but then one day talking abt our future he was suddenly like i dont think so my family ll accept for this marriage …. oly now i realize my dad ll never accept for this love marriage and so we shld end it …. we both are from conservative family … wat i feel is when am ready to talk to my parents ….y cant he ….. when try to telling that u shld not give up and rather try…. he says u dont just understand me …. am telling u its not possible thats it …… is der any way he would change his mind and i can get him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 12:54 am
Hi Andal,
Why doesn’t his family approve? If it’s because of culture, are you willing to O accept their practices? If it’s age, are you willing to wait until you’re in the right age to get married?
Tabitha
January 1, 2016 at 3:14 am
Hello Chris,
I genuinely really enjoyed reading this webpage you made and i would have to say that you did a spectacular job on it.
The obvious reason why I am here is because I want to fix what was broken between my ex (sons father) and strive for greatness.
Now I will not say this is all one sided because we both had our fair share of mess ups in this relationship. But towards the end there were more than I would like to admit. we have been “separated” for roughly 3-4 months out of a 3 1/2 year relationship we had to split due to some extremely personal issues with him and myself (taking a break)
Now long story short the “honeymoon phase” was amazing and I truly believe that he is my soulmate. Does that mean that i have treated him right the whole time , no. I haven’t. We started changing towards each other when i got pregnant, and we had to grow up. Leaving our childish behaviors such as (smoking pot and drinking all the time) behind. He suffers from PTSD and has a very hard time opening up to people even me.
He would not receive help, for it was a sign of weakness to him for the longest time. so he started to self medicate again. knowing how it affected us before.
all i have wanted was for him to get the help that he needs and to be able to move forward as a family . in that process we took each other for granted and things were done and said that of course spiraled our relationship down hill.. We took a break so that he could get the help he needed and the same goes for me. Now in that time he met someone who is also a vet and female and has been confiding in her in his time of healing and in that he created a relationship with her.
Me not personally being aware of the relationship, him and i were starting to talk again and when we would see each other (when he would come and pick up our son for the weekend) there were signs that he wanted to kiss me and hold me etc. there have even been cases where he has but then would feel guilty because of the feelings he has for this new girl. (which is when i found out about her)
i started going into panic mode, i thought i was losing everything that i’ve worked so hard for the past couple of years. and in that i did everything i was not suppose to do. The nagging the calling and texting the begging CHOOSE ME speech. and through it all i know that i pushed him away now.
I’m here because i don’t want to give up.. I know what i did wrong in the past and he knows and understand what he has done and he has become such a strong person from getting this help that he really really needed.
I don’t want my family to be broken and i am willing to do what ever it takes to win him back. Now i have to talk to him when it comes to helping me with bills which he does help me with, and talking about our son and seeing him once a week when he comes to pick up our son and drop him off.
Now for the past couple of days i haven’t really talked to him that much the last i did say to him (voicemail) was
” I am sorry for whatever hurt or grievance i have caused you these past couple of weeks and i want you to know that I am not mad at you at all for anything regarding you seeing this new girl, If you love something so much sometimes you have to let it go, in hopes that it will eventually come back, I will always love you)
He has not made any personal contact with me since.. and i against every inch of my body am trying to not text hiim and call him and tonight is new years eve and all i want is for him to be here to kiss me at midnight and i cant help but feel like hes with her and that’s what is gonna happen to her instead of me.
my question is what can i do now that i have already made myself look needy and desperate. I don’t want to lose him. My son is extremely important to both of us and i personally grew up in foster homes and never had the mom and dad at home waiting for me type of life and i want to give my son what i didn’t have as a child so bad.
I can see it on my ex’s face that he does care for me and apart of him loves me and i see that he is scared. but what do i do as far as convincing the love of my life to come home and give us another shot at love and overcoming our history?
I do apologize for my grammar and punctuation it was really hard for me to write all of that down.
I really look forward to hearing from you soon.
I was planning on not speaking to him at all till Saturday when he comes to pick up our son (today is Thursday New Years Eve)
I wanted to get all dressed up before he shows look my best act happy and be strong and confidence in myself and kinda spur of the moment type of deal ask if he would like to join my son and I to breakfast at Dennys or something like that.
So that he can see that i am okay and i am strong and that he can see some of the reasons why he fell in love with me. ( he loves my appearance, my sense of humor, my height 6’2, me being a good mom, and all around goof)
I want him to miss me. so i dont know if its to soon to do that but that is my plan. I hope it doesnt push him farther away. I am also scared that if i do ask he will turn down the offer and i will just have to bounce out of it and smile and say okay maybe next time.
really looking forward to hearing from you,
Tabitha
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 12:11 pm
HI Tabitha,
Is he a war veteran? Have you done what you said? How did it go?
Carla
December 29, 2015 at 11:03 pm
Hi Chris
My live in boyfriend of 12 years broke up with me just over two weeks ago. Being my birthday a few days later he sent me a nice text with my pet name.
I have since sent two texts one being for Christmas which was not delivered. I know his phone was breaking, so it looks like he has a new phone but has not told me the number. I emailed him about stuff to sort but he may have blocked that too! I’m devastated, I know we have had a lot of stress in the past couple of months, but generally fantastic. When he broke it off he said he did’nt think we were right, he was confused but needed to be independent and that he loved me. If I cant physically contact him after no contact, how can I even start to try and get him back??
He is also getting a new job and is staying with friends whilst sorting this. Any suggestions? I have not at any point, begged for him back…
Alexandra
December 25, 2015 at 4:58 am
I read your articles every now and again and I really need your personal advice on my situation now. Me and my ex-boyfriend dated for about a year in high school, my senior year his junior year. He ended it at the end of my senior year for no reason and I was a complete mess. I did everything your website says not to do right after a break -up. I finally got over it and then suddenly he walked back into my life. I see him every time I come home from school and this has been going on for about a year and a half now. I saw him again this break and after not hearing from him for a week I decided to delete his number and let go. Then out of nowhere I get texts messages and phone calls from him saying that no matter what he does he can’t stop loving me. This is the first time he’s said this since we have broken up. Then the next day, I walk into Starbucks, mind you he lives an hour away from my house, and he is standing there with his brother. I am a big believer in fate. Anyway, he wants to hang out again and talk about things. I love him more than anything and I’ve finally realized that I need to let go just as he’s realizing he still loves me. What should I do? Or is he just playing me? Any tips would be a huge help! Thanks 🙂
Stephanie
December 18, 2015 at 7:15 am
Chris:
My boyfriend and I broke up 8 weeks ago and it was our second go round after dating about a year. Our breakup was for a couple months and and we did NC almost perfectly except one drunk phone call from him and one ‘checking in’ text from me after the first month.
I have no idea what happened except we got back together, it was perfect for a couple months, talking about kids and marriage and then bam, we have a fight, I leave, then we breakup and now it’s over. Yes, we both overreacted to the fight but when we fight he is so stubborn and won’t budge or even talk to me. He just grey walls me and then I just go NC because I don’t want to chase him. So I don’t know, is it over? Only mistake I think I made was having sex with him the first time we saw each other after our break. I’ve moved on and am dating someone new now but I still think about him all the time and always wonder what the heck happened and why he won’t talk about it and I’m not going to chase so I’m just leaving it at NC… which will probably last forever. 🙁
Jojo
December 14, 2015 at 10:04 pm
Hi Chris.. I have learned so much already just by reading.. But I could use a little extra advise please. My ex boyfriend and I were together for a little over 5 years. He broke up with me and it was pretty bitter. I did break off all contact, after our split but I don’t think he wanted any contact with me either. He was in another relationship and moved in with her after about a month. It’s been 5 more months, and he called me thru Facebook I had everything else blocked, upset after his break up with the new girlfriend. I did go and see him, helped him find a new place and listened to the pain he was feeling. He told me “no other woman has ever been here for me like you have” ” you have always had my back””no matter what your always going to be my best friend” “I love you”. He asked me to promise him no matter what happened in either of our lives we would never go again without talking and he would always be there for me. It’s been almost a week, we were making plans for a trip between Christmas and New Years, and now he tells me he is talking again with his ex and he might go back to her.. I’m feeling now that since we promised each other that we will always be there no matter what, and he is calling me his best friend, Its placed me in the friend zone. What else can I do besides letting him contact me to convince him that he should come back to me? How do I prevent ending up just a friend to the love of my life?
Tiiffany
December 10, 2015 at 7:56 pm
Hey Chris,
So i am seeing my ex after three months of non stop agruing. we were fooled around for 2 years and i fe;l in love him. but he does not love me. he says he is not committed to being in a realtion ship and his feelings are just not there but ye he keeps insisting on seeing me and fooling around with me. I did everything for him, (took him to 4 NBA basketball games, spen 348.00 n a hotel rom for v-day, bought him gifts on his bday, offered my shoulder to cry on when he was going through things etc.)
Anyways, my point is i am seeing my ex on Monday and i know we are just going to have sex. Unfortunately, my heart wants more but i know this is the only closes we will ever be. Ive told him numerous times that i will always be here for him no matter what happens but i can tell he hates it when i say that. do you think he will eventually see how good of a women i am and want to be with me?
btw, i am 23 and he is 26.