What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?

noodles

December 10, 2015 at 6:47 pm

Hello,
My boyfriend and i have been together for the past 2 years 7 months, and i tell you it was AMAZING we did argue and fight sometimes like any couple but we had this connection where we would solve the issue and never look back again.We are eachothers first loves.Now the problem is i am not exactly the sharing kind of person when it comes to me having problems, i usually wait till i am calm or till i explode from the stress it is causing me, not to mention that i mean persona problems.. My boyfriend clearly mentioned that he needs me to share because it worries him, i tried to change that aspect of my personality and i actually did! but a month ago, he had his final exams going on and he noticed how down i seemed, and it worried him and added to his built in stress ,he didnt mention it but eventually we had a small argument about it and we both were good, in a day he came and said its not working out, and ofcourse alot of other hurtful things since he was mad and stressed….i tried reaching out but it made it worse and got him even more stubborn.by the way he still loves me, and cares but he says he lost faith in me changing that aspect of myself….i have been giving him space to calm down and rethink but he has created an emotional block and has an excuse to about every single thing anyone says to him…. i belive he will come back like i really belive he will, but i dont like leaving him to his own thoughts because he OVERTHINKS BIG TIME…..

Anna

December 10, 2015 at 1:14 am

Hi Chris, I’ve been loving your website recently! My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, we went out for close to 5.5 years. He told me he’s been “back and forth” in our relationship for the past year as in, one day he was crazy about me the next day he didn’t feel much. He has had ALOT of stress thrown at him with a mother with anxiety (he feels like he needs to help support his family now) and a dead end job with terrible hours where he can never see anyone. I feel like he wants change he wants a better job he wants to be able to see friends again. The last two weeks of our relationship he told me he didn’t feel anything towards me except guilt because he knew he’d break my heart. Throughout the relationship I was definitely a control freak and super jealous and I complained a lot so I know for a fact those are negatives. An old friend also tried kissing me and he never got over that we don’t talk to him at all obviously. I’m sure I added 100 tines more stress to his life. So he broke up with me and said he needed to focus on himself and making himself happy and being with his friends. Do you think I have a shot with him, again? I’m trying to prove how I can change( and I will this is a big eye opener) he is definitely physically attracted to me, but not emotionally anymore and its hard because he doesn’t want much contact between us.

Jessica

December 4, 2015 at 7:00 pm

Hi Chris,
I have been doing much research on you and your material is really good. I am really stuck right now though. I was with this guy for almost 5 months, we even lived together for 3 of those months. I was coming out of a divorce at the time. We developed feelings and fast, everything moved very fast. I think too fast. He decided I needed some time to focus on me and make sure I knew what I really wanted and he said he too wanted a little time, that I was distracting him and that it was scary to him all the feelings he developed. (His last relationship really did a number on him) He tells me I am perfect for him but right now we need to give ourselves time and that if its meant to be it will be. I havent seen him in 3 weeks and I did freak out and blow him up for awhile but today will be day 3 of NC. Do you think I have any kind of chance of having him back? I appreciate your time.

Tara

December 4, 2015 at 4:59 am

Hi there.
I could really use some insight. I am a college student starting graduate school soon… and need some help. I love a man, and we were perfect… Well, we have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months, we’ve talk for a little over a year. We were great. We had bumps and all but we worked it out, the distance really got to him but we loved each other. His family lives in the same state as I, so he would visit me and them. I went to visit him once and was just about to. His parents don’t approve me for one reason- I am not from the same country as he is. They’re very tradtional. Anyways he fought with them for 6 months to be with me and on Sat he broke up saying he could not take the drama and fighting and will not waste my time… I called him and he just wasn’t listening and said goodbye. After 2 days we talked again, I told him that I think he is stressed and everything was great… he said he thought we were drifting apaprt and he thought I was too emotional, that I said I missed him too much, which I would only say a couple times. not like every hour or even every day, every other day or so I would express it a couple time that day I would a couple of times… anyways, towards the end of the end of the conversation, I told him we just need to fix things, talk more on the phone, video call each other and each other visit every month switching who comes…. he was like I don’t know and said I will think about it. I told him ok, he said let’s take some time apart and talk than- about 2-3 weeks. But now I am so confused.
what do I do. I havem’t and won’t talk to him… but is there hope?
Anyways, I was really good to him. Kind and did love him. He was before in a bad relationship, his gf cheated on him, he’s always said he was so scared to lose me, that I think with his parents he just shut off and stop trying because he gave up in a sense. I am so tempted to call him. can you give mme some blunt advice. please.

Megan

December 3, 2015 at 6:51 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex and I broke up almost a month ago. We were in an LDR for almost a year. We saw each other when I went home because that is where he is and when he came to visit me. We started officially dating when I came home from school last year, but we were talking for 5 month before that. He was the one who broke up with me, but each time he told me why he kept changing the story. It does not make sense to me because he does not have one specific answer. I have not contacted him in a couple of weeks. I head home next Friday and was thinking about contacting him them. Do you think that is a good idea?

Mariah Lauren

November 23, 2015 at 8:02 am

Hi Chris!

How do I get him back and change his mind if he broke up with me because he was no longer attracted to me? Basically there weren’t really any big issues the main only one being that he no longer likes me. How can I change that? Especially because we do not see each other anymore and I don’t have any opportunities to see him in the near future.

Elaine

November 22, 2015 at 7:08 pm

Hi Chris.
I found your read through very well. I just have a question what if your ex is aware that the issue is their problem that they told you that they were never going to change. That there is no future marriage or kids cause he can see that if we move in together and what not there will be lots of fight and resentment to the point he would do anything not to see me. That he doesn’t see anything changing. I told him that he doesn’t know if that will happen or not but doesn’t want to hear it. What steps can I do using your guide to make it his idea to stay together. He has left it up to me to stay together or break up.

Katti

November 19, 2015 at 9:21 pm

Hi Chris! That resistance is just so unpredictable! My ex is a really stubborn person. Already in the relationship he would never contact me first when I did “the silent treatment”. He broke up a week ago, telling me that it’s just not working, we fought too much and he doesn’t feel the same anymore. We were together for 6 months and while the first 2 months were wonderful and he said he has never felt so much like he did for me, the last 4 months were often (not all the time!) bad because I was nagging at him a lot. I have sent him a message and apologized (I know you hate letters!). Basically it contained three things: I admitted my mistakes and apologized, I accepted the breakup and I finally thanked him for the wonderful memories. He responded immediately and thanked me for it, but saying also that he wished he could give as a chance but his feelings aren’t the same anymore. Since then he has not contacted me, and we WORK together (on different floors though). It doesn’t make sense since it really wasn’t a bad breakup. I never begged or cried or asked him to change his mind. I’m afraid the No-Contact will just lead to that he gets over me. Oh, you have never heard that before right? 😉 So my question is: Does even the most stubborn guy get any kind of thoughts of regret? And should I be nice when I meet him at work or rather cold, just saying hello?

MC

November 19, 2015 at 6:55 am

Hi, Chris! Been reading all your articles and I’m glad I found this very helpful website.

My boyfriend broke up with me twice this year. The first one was due to major arguement. I did not know about the NC rule then so I was still texting him, leading him to be more angry at me. EVentually after a few days, he said he wanted me back. He courted me again and even apologized to my parents for hurting me.
After 3 months, we were officially back together. We both tried to change for the better. He has been plannning out our dates, he has been more careful in his words,et. I on the other hand trusted his decision making and respected his desire to have regular “me” time. Things were getting better. We’ve been trying our best but of course we are not perfect, we still had fights. But it would be resolved right away without hurting each other.

Two months after we were together again, he started to be depressed and became distant. He has other issues about his career and felt like he is inferior in general. He would only see me on a weekly basis. I assumed that he just needed space so I let him be. But i know he was trying. We made love again (after several months of not doing it) and we were happy just like old times. He even greeted me and gave me gifts on our monthsary.

Few days later, he told me that he could not take it any longer and that I have to prepare myself for our separation. I asked him why are we breaking up but he said that we will just talk about it some other time. Few days have past and i just let him be. Fast forward to that day, he said that it was hard for him to break up with me because he is losing someone who he has been perfectly looking for all these years (he even cried while saying this). He said that it is the worst decision he will ever make in his life. And that he has no problem with me like “it’s not you, it’s me”. He emphasized that he wants to break up with me “permanently”. He also said that he does not love anymore. He just pretended (or maybe trying) that he still loves me during the courtship stage (after the first break up). After that, I still did not know about the NC rule. So I was still communicating with him for 5 days. And true enough, he just threw garbages on me. The table has turned this time and he mentioned some reasons that he could not take my attitude any longer that is why he is just giving up on me. He even blocked in in Facebook that night and eventually unlocked me the next morning.
I started doing NC after that. It has been 16 days since NC and i have not heard from him. I’m afraid that he will no longer contact me. This is the first time that we have not talked for that long and it bothers me since I think he is serious this time that he does not want me to be in his life anymore.

I know it’s too early to jump into conclusions. Is it still possible for me to get himback given the reasons why he broke up with me?

Megan

November 16, 2015 at 7:40 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago. Whenever we talked about the break up and why it happened, he kept changing the story. He kept telling me his feelings weren’t as strong as before. He first said for a week, and then two weeks, and then a month, and then two months. Do you know why he kept changing the story? Do you think I can change his mind?

Hamerly

November 12, 2015 at 12:06 am

I really want to get back with my ex after 5 months being together. We texted each other daily and talked a lot about our life. I was always excited every time I saw him. He even invited me to have lunch with his family and his friend’s party since the first month we dated. Things were going great in the beginning, then as soon as we came to the reality stage, we had constant fighting every time we met. I know I’m a little immature sometimes by getting mad at him for little things, but mainly because he focused too much on playing games rather than focus on spending our time together, which made me disappointed. We’re both adults, but sometimes I felt that he was acting a little bit childish and didn’t pay enough attention when I was with him. He started having doubts about our relationship, and went frustrated when I gave him cold shoulders by not talking to him for the whole day. He thought I wasn’t happy in our relationship. He caught me once when I looked through his phone, even though I only did out of my curiosity. I know I did something horribly wrong and eventually he didn’t trust me anymore. Finally he sent me a breakup text and asked if I would want to remain as a good friend. Even though I apologized to him many times that I didn’t snoop around his phone on purpose, he insisted on not wanting this relationship anymore and wanted me to remain as a friend. I asked if we could have a second chance, and he said that he didn’t want me to think that we might. He said he still cares about me so that was why he wanted us to stay as good friend rather than a couple. He didn’t think we were a good match as a couple. I know this time I’ve ruin my relationship so bad, and eventually he thought I wasn’t happy because we always fought, and because we were so different in our personalities and hobbies. After his breakup text, we haven’t seen each other for 2 weeks. He agree after I asked if we would have our last date one time so I’ll apologize to him. I haven’t called him or begged him to come back to me after we broke up, because I know doing this will only push him further away. How can I save the damage of my relationship and how can I gain his trust on me again so we could be together? I still have feelings for him and I do care a lot about him.

Melody

November 8, 2015 at 6:52 pm

Hi Chris, I just needed a bit of reassurance. My ex broke up with me about a week ago. We were in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half and share no mutual friends. He is very popular and gets lots of attention from girls on social media. I have been suffering from depression and social anxiety and so found myself at home most of the time, looking at his amazing life and getting upset about all the attention he was getting. We argued about it quite a lot, and finally, he broke up with me saying he wasn’t any good for me because he was adding to my problems. He also said he doesn’t want me to move to his country and have to face all this female attention in real life. We’ve ‘broken up’ about 6 times but always get back together within a couple of days. This time however, he seems determined not to get back together. I tried to talk to him to gain closure but he kept avoiding my calls, and finally spoke to me in this arrogant and hurried tone because he was ‘busy’. He’s never spoken to me like that before. I finally sent him a long message asking him to reconsider two days ago. He has read it but hasn’t replied. He’s still posting pics of himself on social media as usual. I don’t think he cares anymore. Is there any hope for us? I’m on day 2 of no contact. I have never felt worse about myself as a person.

Kait

November 6, 2015 at 11:48 pm

Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

Jen

November 6, 2015 at 2:37 pm

Could use some advice for my confused 16 year old daughter. She started dating a fellow high school class mate almost a year ago. What began as a brand new innnocent true and real relationship blossomed and their shared many firsts together. There were not many fights along the way but over time my daughter became annoyed at him for his clingyness and his constant profession of his love for her and overdoing compliments (the same ones daily). She suffers from a very low self esteem and strangely felt more uncomfortable hearing the compliments wishing he wasn’t so nice to her. It got to the point where she began to pull away some recently, less social media contact throughout the day (but still facetime every single night), and less time alone together. The other day during lunch at school she went in to gently try and break it off with him and at the same time he handed her a beautiful card that he made wishing her a happy one year anniversary with concert tickets. She began to cry and he at the time, handled it rather well. Even after this, he told her they could still be friends and still attend the concert together when she said she could not in good conscience accept the tickets. He broke apart at home that night with his parents support. My daughter on the other hand, who claims she wanted this, has now been depressed and crying for two solid days and is confused about how she feels. He went out yesterday to spend time with friends which seemed to get her a little upset considering she was holed up in bed all day crying. Last night she reached out to him by text and asked how he was doing – he said better the next day and that he would be ok to be friends and talk. She says she feels so lonely and is confused – possibly questioning whether she did the right thing. This boy adored her. everything about her even her flaws. That is hard to find even if they are so young. He would talk about their future together. She felt he was too serious and boring and didn’t feel happy although she doesn’t feel any happier now. I wasn’t sure how to advise her now and she seems confused and overwhelmed. I think she will miss the constant interaction with him every day – they were like each other’s best friends for 340 days. They have off a few days of school but will be back Monday, where there old routine will probably have to change as they spend a lot of time throughout the day together. I did tell her that she didn’t have to make any quick decisions about the concert as it isn’t for a few weeks but that her only option as i see it, is to give the tickets back or to go with him as friends – not to take anyone else. Can you weigh in?

fatima

November 6, 2015 at 1:59 am

Hello Chris,
I really wanted some advice from you. So, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months (august) ago because he got really busy and we couldn’t talk as much. He didn’t want to break up and kept on refusing to break up but I broke up regardless. A month later, he just randomly messaged me and we started talking as friends and I told him that I wanted to get back with him but he said that he needs time and isn’t ready for a relationship now. I asked him multiple times to get back with me ( i know, desperate move on my part :$) but he said that he just doesn’t feel the same way for me anymore even though he still feels like kissing me when we meet up. So, now he just wants to be friends with me but i want moreeeee!! How do i get him to want to get back in a relationship with me? Any advice? What if the no contact rule doesn’t work because apparently his feelings for me changed after a month of me breaking up with him!

Charlie

November 2, 2015 at 8:53 pm

Hi my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, he said he no longer could be bothered with a relationship. He said that he loves me but not enough. we were together a year and 1 month. He was 10 years younger than me, that being 20 and me 30. When we first got together things had been left up in the air with my ex who had been away, when my ex came back he said it wasnt over and that he just lost his phone, he persuaded me to meet him and i did and we got carried away and slept together, but i had no time to break it off with my boyfriend, and we had only been together 2 weeks at this time. i confessed to my boyfriend what had happened and said to him that it was a mistake and that i wouldnt do this again. i never cheated on him again and didnt rush back into a relationship with him straight away, we just kept it as seeing as i wanted to make sure i was over my ex. i was meeting both of them for around 5 months, they both knew about each other, but i wasnt with either of them romanticly. i finally realised i didnt feel anything for my ex, but everything for my my new guy and i let my ex go completely and got into a proper relationship with him. we never mentioned him again and we had lots of love and passion and fun and everything was fine, he talked about moving in and where he would put his things in my house, he kept on saying he would marry me someday. we discussed having a child and he told me daily he loved me. Then things started to fail, the more i loved him and the more effort i made the more he started to back off, his texts were blunt and short, he stopped calling me, he didnt spend time with me at the weekend, he stopped coming to my house, he had me do everything, it was all one sided, his choices of everything and i had to go to his parents house if i wanted to see him even though i have my own house where it would just be the 2 of us. Eventually he stopped even showering for when i got there, he didnt reply to texts that were about our relationship, he started swearing and name calling more and more, he then out of nowhere told me that he just didnt want a relationship anymore and his words were that he couldnt be bothered. Before this he broke up with me on 2 previous occasions saying he wasnt sure it was love then came back saying it was and he was wrong. This time he isnt coming back. i am heartbroken, i know i made a mistake at the very beginning but ever since i was loyal and loved him whole heartedly, gave it my all and never loved anyone so much in my life. it has been a week and a half of me calling and texting him and nothing, but this got him back in the past, but he wont reply this time. he blanks me when i see him on a weekend. i am now starting the no contact rule, but i am afraid that i have already lost him because i text and called him a week and a half already. i think he is too young to settle down, he knows this is what i want, but it was what he wanted before and convinced me these were things he wanted. i feel like i ruined it by being too in love and too clingy.. he said it was partly to do with my ex at the start but we moved on from that and its in the past, i feel like he is using this against me because it is my only mistake throughout our relationship, the only thing he can throw at me. i dont know why he would say it was this after forgiving it and moving on from this for the last 7 month. My friends and family think i am crazy to want him back after some of the awful things he said to me, he has said that i am some awful swear words the worst ones and insults and said that he cant think of anything worse than a future with me. but then last time i saw him he was saying he did love me but couldnt be bothered anymore. we have been through alot but i feel love is still there a little bit, but i think i pushed him away by being too into him and too needy and clingy, he got a new job, car, money aroudn the time he went off with me too, all things he never had before. i dont think he is coming back this time. please help.

Moonprincess

November 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm

Hi, I need your help, my boyfriend broke up with me because his family is experiencing a huge ordeal and he is te one helping them with the responsibility and because of that I’m being left behind and he feels guilty about it because evem if it is not my problem he feels like im affected and suffering too. He said he needs to give his full attention to his family as he is eager to finish the problem sso he can be free and he said he really need to stop our relationship and sacrifice his own for the family. I said take your time but I will still be here no matter what but he said it is not ideal because he can not do the responsibility that a bf is suppose to do and he doesn’t want to prolong the agony so he is freeing me so I can focus on myself, he’s hoping I would understand and he would really stick to his decision. Should I let go or stay? the problem with me is i’m so stubborn and giving up is not on my vocabularh, my gut instinct is telling me to hold on, resilient to the point of exhaustion. I don’t know what to do, there is this pull towards him that hasn’t been broken yet, i feel like i’llregret if I walk away and I have a all or nothing deep rooted perspective, its eitpher your in or your out like you cease to exist and me being cold hearted can hurt like a sharp edge and also he came from a close knitted family whereas I came from broken family so we have diff views but we are rational when we discussed the break up as we do meet on the same wavelength and we have the same depth but he is more on the rational and logical side and I,m more of a heart person. I’ve never been in this ssituation before 🙁 Thank you

Lisa Marie

November 2, 2015 at 5:31 am

My ex and I were together for 7 years. We have been broken up for 8 mths. We now live 4 hours apart. We talk occassionally and now he is in my town on a 6 mth work contract. He stops by on the weekends just to hang out. He does not want to get back together and just wants to stay friends. However, when he is here he wants me to come on errands with him, go for dinner and usually kisses and hugs me goodbye when he leaves. He is impotent so I know he isn’t hanging around for sex. He is not jealous of me because when we were together he was and he does’nt show that side at all since we split so that’s how I know he’s over me. I guess I dont’ get why he kisses and hugs me good bye when his feelings for me have faded??

pmiller

November 1, 2015 at 4:51 pm

Hi Chris,
I been dating this man for 2/12 years. We got engaged 1 year ago.Instead of getting married first we found this wonderful house. We purchased it together. I am 58 he is 68 I have 3 adult children my 23 yr old lived with me. He has 4 adult children all on their own He is very close to his girls (they dont have a significant other age 38) . He moves in first than I did with my daughter. She is a great professional works 2 jobs teacherand waitress. He deicided after 5 months he didnt like her around that much. Told me to guide her out. I said no. I moved out after 6 months. When we were good we were great. he has a temper. Said he couldn’t adjust to so many people being around. It was just him and me and my daughter and sometimes her boyfriend. They stayed to themselves. She ate dinner mostly by herself my one son was welcome any time. we started to fight over this he became verbally and physically abusive( he doesnt think so) I would have stayed but couldn’t. We were trying to figuer this out to keep seeing each other and eventually all would come around, HIs girls didn’t like me so much . WE both said hurtful things. He said he needed space after i moved and all of a sudden he changed. Very cold and distant. WE finally went out after 1 month and he started on what was wrong with my kids. I didnt want to talk about them.just us. Then i reminded him of the verbal and physical abuse he didnt want to hear it, Got soo angry. We just arrived back to his house he said get out he was going tocall the cops etc. All the way home he was screaming. I didnt say a word. He called and text the next day. i didnt asnwer. He did the next day to say he was sorry. I call him back he said we were incompatable. The only thing we argued over ws the kids. Which was not a deal breaker. with that being said I stated that I think we should try again. I said we have to stop with the triggers that get us both upset. He than responded he needs time and we have to me at his house so we dont air our dirty laundry. I havent heard from him since its been 10 days. Yes I did this I should not have. I went by his house(our house) he never came hometill 630am. and the other morning another car was n his driveway. prior tho the date i thought he was seeing someone because of the change in his whole attitude towards me. Hes angry cause I made him buy me out. I would not have but I was so hurt with the ultimatun and the hurtful fighting. I miss him I would like to try again. I feel if I handled things differnetly we would still be together. Do we even have a chance? Will he contact me ever. I dont want to contact him. he said it would never work cause of the families. I disagree. I am a teacher and I feel they will all come around. He said he still loves me but he needs time. I assume the time is to date others to see if there is something better out there. He said he only wanted to be with me not my whole family. I feel if he loved me he never would have stated any of the above. He just let me go. I cried. I dont know what to do. Please help

C

October 25, 2015 at 2:12 am

Hi Chris,

First off can’t thank you enough for your work. Hoping you can assist.
I’ve been with a fellow, on a short while. It’s started off amazing as they always do. We have a few differences, mostly lifestyle choices. We broke up, I took your advice and it worked. He came back.
However, only shortly after, it’s broken again. He was trying to show and tell me he loved me. However when it did come out it was always when he was drunk. I saw that as not being genuine, however this is when he’s most confident and invincible. I feel he knew u didn’t understand him enough. He knows the drinking is an issue.
It ended again with him questioning if I was right for him. He wants to change and settle down, but needed me to be that perfect person to do that for. As you would know, I’m not perfect, no one is. Therefore he now doesn’t see the value in our friendship or relationship because he questions that I’m not the right one for him.
The break up was confusing. It just went from he’s unsure to he doesn’t know if wants to commit to he doesn’t want a girlfriend. All of a sudden he’s wanting to travel and not get his residency in my country etc etc. Just the other day he was speaking of buying a house, with a dog and pony. The inclination was that I was there but he was hesitant in stating it. He asked me to go home with him then said, he wasn’t sure I could stay because of his parents old school values. He spoke of getting back to his trade and his own business.
He was happy when he was with me until my own insecurities got in the way. I took your advice, and the last conversation was leaning toward him looking to me to end it and my insecurities becoming the problem. However I nipped it in the bud and made him have a grown up conversation. This still ended in me leaving for the second time. I know how much he cares.
The turn around was awful. All the time we’ve had together was amazing and even before the conversation was initiated he was showing me he wanted me around…
I guess what I’m asking is (and I’m in no contact) what is the mentality behind this! He knows I’m right for him in so many ways, I’m confident in this. Why push that away? Why do that when you know your unhappy and wanting to change anyway…Is there a way I can get around this or is this something he needs to find out for himself? Sadly I think that will be too late…
Thanks Chris you are the bomb!

C

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