What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?

902 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?”

Jess

October 24, 2015 at 1:53 am

Hi Chris, i want you to know that these type of articles make me feel so much better and get me thinking for positively about my desire to get back with my ex, who I believe to be my soulmate. We have been broken up for a year now, but have remained in contact pretty much the whole time, texting, hanging out, sometimes being physically intimate and sometimes not. A month ago we started hanging out ALOT more, it felt like we were pretty much back in a relationship and it was amazing, we have both changed so much for the better but he still has reservations, he literally told me he doesn’t want to get hurt again, which i understand but truly think that this time we can make it work for real. So what can i do now that he has pulled away again? i’m already giving him his space and just waiting for him i guess but i really miss him 🙁
Chloe

October 23, 2015 at 6:32 pm

Hi Chris,
To give you some back story, my ex and I were FWB for the last 9 years. My ex broke up with my in June. He told me he could not take the fighting that started to occur on a regular basis and wanted to be friends. We were fighting because his ex girlfriend was always texting him, he was always going out and partying or making time with his friends (when I barely saw him) and he would not introduce me to his friends (I only met his Father, Mother & Stepfather). When we broke up I found out he had cheated on me, he had been picking up women from the bar and tried to pursue a relationship with one woman. After she rejected him, he started trying to work on our “friendship”.

At that time, I was working on myself: I started to eat healthier and started working out. I also started going on a few casual dates here and there. My ex would get jealous and tell me he didn’t want to know the details (which I never gave him anyways). But the more weight I lost, the more he started talking to me and making excuses to touch me. He told me he realized his issues caused a lot of our fights and he wished he could have done things differently; he then told me that he needed to work out his issues before he got into another relationship. Unfortunately, I let my guard down and started sleeping with him again. Last month (after we had been sleeping together the last 3 months), he told me he met someone, and he wanted to ask them out but he hadn’t yet and he was waiting for the perfect time.

I didn’t take him seriously, but because I wanted to not be blinded sided, I told him I wanted to know when he reached that point, he promised I would be the first to know. Despite him telling me there was a prospect, he kept talking about how “hot” I was and the sexual effects I had on him. He would send me dirty texts, but he would also tell me he loved me and I was the only girl he saw a future with. When I told him “I can’t believe you found someone you so quickly after we broke up” he told me “It’s not like I think this is the one and I’m 100% sold.” And I said “Well I guess we’re both just moving on, it just hurts,” he replied with: “Never really move on… Just try different things.”

We continued to sleep together up until last week. This last Sunday, we had an incredible conversation, where I honestly had never had him open up to me the way he had. He talked about how before our fights escalated he was going to ask me to move in with him and he talked about all the things he wanted to give me. I thought he was working out his issues and completed forgot about the random girl he said he might ask out a month ago. And then 4 hours later, after he and I went home separately, his new girlfriend posted photos of them on his facebook. I messaged her, because I needed to know the truth and she told me they had been sleeping together since July, but he hadn’t made them an official couple since the end of September. She told me they even talked about their future together.

I am devastated. I’m not sure if I want him back, mainly because I am note sure anything he ever told me was real. It feels like everything was nothing but a lie. I don’t know what to do or what I want to do. After I confronted him he showed no remorse, but he also said he doesn’t believe we’re ever really done. I entered NC with him 3 days ago. I had blocked him on facebook, but he hasn’t even tried to text me or change my mind. I think what upsets me the most is these women he leaves me for… They’re larger than I am, by almost two people, and have no femine qualities. I’m not saying looks matter, just saying it hurts my ego a bit especially after all the compliments he gives me on my weightloss and how much sexier I have become. I just want to know if I should try your methods or just cut my losses. I know you said time is critical.
mary l.a

October 23, 2015 at 4:08 am

Hello chris , I need a little help I brokeup with my ex boyfriend 71days ago he cheated . I purchase ur boyfriend recovery and text guide after. i did NC rule 30 days we started talking in day 35 on and off from there on and stop for 10 days and just invited me to go out with him this saturday by text i said yes but will confirm it a day before yet Im worry that Its not the right time yet as I dont want all this effort going to waste. Please advise me should i cancel or accept the invite. Im really looking forward to it lasting when we get back together.

mary l.a

October 25, 2015 at 7:38 pm

Chris , i wanna say thank you! I accepted to go out him it was fun . Though something happen last night (not sex). He ask me if we could see eachother next day again i hesitated to say yes but at the end i accepted. The next day came and he send me a message asking if i was gonna get ready i said yes hell do the same hour later he send me a message saying he really want to go but that he wasnt feeling well . Did he stood me up. It did get me upset but i nicely said I hoped he felt better . What i do now should i ignore him from now on what i do .
mary l.a

October 23, 2015 at 4:25 am

Well its not a dinner or romantic thing but it sure is a traditional event cultural Day of the Dead Festival we actually assisted last year. Will that be a hang out type of thing. Please help i really dont want to ruin it. Thank you for the help
Chris Seiter

October 23, 2015 at 4:15 am

What does he want to do? Make sure it’s more like a date and not a hang out to talk about being friends. Don’t go to his house or anywhere you could potentially have sex. But yes since he asked you out and it’s after the NC definitely meet up with him. Don’t bring up your relationship jsut have fun with him and be sweet.

judy wang

October 21, 2015 at 12:58 pm

Hi Chris thank you for your poats. I’m in NC after staying in friend zoned for around 2 month after 2 years of staying together. I have a quick question though. If his reason for breaking up is because he sees no future, different culture and family, and also his feeling changed could I still convince him to change mind. Thank you always

judy wang

October 22, 2015 at 6:02 am

Thank you very much for the reply:) Just by reading your posts makes me feel better! I’m 25 and we had the issue from beginning but then his feeling changed and the problem with culture and family got bigger. I have solid reasons to get him back but wasn’t sure whether it’s even possible have a lovely day
Chris Seiter

October 22, 2015 at 12:37 am

It possible but i wouldn’t waste your time. When it comes to culture and family those are two huge issues. How old are you? Did he come up with this out of the blue?

Mary

October 16, 2015 at 7:58 pm

My ex and I dated for almost 4 years, he broke up with me today and I’m feeling devastated.. I guess it all ended because all my trust issues and jealousy.. He gave this ‘it’s not you its me’ crap tho.. He is still texting me which is so confusing cause he was the one who ended the things, I’m so tired, and I’m don’t know whether to beg for and opportunity cause I feel like he’s so over me, i love him so much, like i need him, but I feel that if I try the non texting thing for one month I’m gonna fail, he’s like my weakness and he so know it ugh

Chris Seiter

October 17, 2015 at 12:16 am

It’s nice that you have an idea of what the actual cause of the breakup is! That is the hardest part sometimes when they give you that excuse. This is an easy situation, all you have to do is no contact for 21 days. You don’t even have to do the 30 days. You are in an ideal situation since he is contacting you still. It will drive him crazy when you don’t respond to him. Sprinkle in the smallest amount of jealously to make him think you will move on if he doesn’t shape up. But you can’t be obvious about it. I’m pretty sure you can get him back if you follow the guidelines strictly.

Jane

September 29, 2015 at 6:21 pm

This actually made me even more confused… I mean, everything you write makes sense. It’s just that I don’t think my ex associates me with any bad feelings. We never fought, a few discussions here and there, but nothing big… I never manipulated him into doing anything, out of respect, am just not that kind of person. No cheating, no drama, I guess you could call me a “chill girlfriend”, no jealousy, didn’t really care what he was doing when we were not together (I mean as in who he was hanging out with), cause I was so sure he was head over heels in love with me so I felt no insecurity what so ever – we both did our thing. Definitely not clingy either, I am a very anxious person, being too clingy has always been one of my greatest fears in life, so I guess I was the more “distant” one in our relationship, did contact him on a regular basis though, but not quite as much as he contacted me. We were together for nine months, for both of us it was our first super-serious relationship (we’re 19), he had one girl before me (popular, beautiful and super nice), she broke it off before they were official, I don’t think I was a rebound because we didn’t start seeing each other until 6 months after they broke up. First seven months was a blast, we could talk and talk, stayed up all night just laughing, he made really sweet, small gestures for me, told me he had imagined what our kids would look like (even though I don’t really want kids, which he knows), we talked about living together, not in a super serious way, but I figured he would have never even mentioned it if he hasn’t given it a thought (cause I never started conversations like those). He told me he loved me 4 months into the relationship, he was also super supportive in terms of my anxiety and depression, I never acted depressed when around him, but he has seen the anxious side of me, always was super mature about it. I’ve met his entire family, felt like he was so proud of introducing me to them. Then, two months back, he said he wasn’t sure about his feelings anymore, I guess that’s when I became a little clingy, didn’t beg him to stay or anything but I said “I want to fix this” and he said he wants it too. But from that time on, he had become much more distant in conversations. Then, a month later, we were at a party, he got super hammered, told me “I want to be with you, but relationships at this age are so weird… Like, are we going to be together forever?” He said we were too different to stay together and that eventually we would part our ways. But when I asked him if he wanted to end it, he said no. “I just want you to be happy, I want to take all the sadness away from you” – because I refused to talk to him in my moments of deepest depression. He also said he wants me to show him more feelings, I said I will. Asked him if he loves me, he said “I think so, that’s why I’m still holding on”. Thought we were going to be all right after that but we lost more and more touch… He was still very cuddly when we hung out, but no longer seemed to care if he made me a little upset, he barely talked to me during the week – I became the one initiating most conversations, making plans. Eventually I said we need to talk because I felt like I was being exploited and that being with him was only painful to me at that point… He said he’d rather break up than try to fix things, because again – we won’t probably be together forever anyway. Said he wanted to stay friends, I said no. I cried but we didn’t fight. I don’t know, I mean, when things started to go bad, it was around the time he got himself a job, more friends, got his driver’s license, a new car, maybe he felt fullfilled without a relationship + I wasn’t very affectionate back then, and since I wasn’t super affectionate from the start, maybe he felt he wasn’t getting enough out of it… But it still feels strange, I mean, he was really in love with me at one point, at least it felt that way, interacting was super easy, no drama, just us, we agreed on almost everything. He’s not a fan of online conversations and told me that he didn’t know what to talk about after some time, it was the same for me, I guess our relationship didn’t contain enough friendship to just talk about anything. Seen him a little around the school after we broke up, wearing the same thing three days in a row, hair a mess, seemed kind of distant around his friends and he went almost completely silent on all social medias, which he usually isn’t. Haven’t talked to him in three weeks, not seen him in two weeks and won’t be seeing him for another two because I’m going away. I really, really miss him, want to reach out to him after a certain period of time but I’m so afraid we will become “just friends”. Interacting where I live (Scandinavia) is a lot different than in the USA, sounds weird maybe, but people here are a LOT more distant. I’m 100% sure he won’t talk to me first – he’s just not the type. Doesn’t want to bother me. There’s a party the day I come back that he’s arranging, would probably be a good time to “reunite” but I don’t want to do it the wrong way while drunk. Sorry for the rant, really needed to get this off my chest.

Jane

October 11, 2015 at 2:39 pm

He said “I think it will be easier for us if we break it off” and explained by saying that he’s bad at making me his first priority (after I called him a bad boyfriend). He also said repeatedly that he “knows it’s all his fault”. He went silent on social media at first, lately he’s been posting lots of stuff on instagram and facebook, mostly while drunk, he also put up a relationship with a new girl as a joke, and deleted it one day later (this was a week ago).
Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:02 pm

What did he say when he broke up with you exactly?

Sen

September 15, 2015 at 5:58 pm

Hi Chris!
Can you please share some details about what did your friends’ mother do?
A little bit if possible?
Thanks!

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:46 pm

Ah!

Well, I heard the story while at their dinner table.

To be honest I think she dated another dude and pranced around with him. Also, the father told me that the mother was the prettiest girl he ever dated.

Beth

September 15, 2015 at 2:33 pm

My boyfriend and I have lived together for 5 1/2 years, been together 6 years. He decided he wasn’t happy this past month and needed “space.” We had been fighting a lot and it got to the point he couldn’t handle it anymore. He is an extremely stubborn man. He told me he could have ended it after the last fight or take a step back, he took a step back. Well, he was just angry this past month – making living together miserable. However, he would get mad if I even suggested leaving for a while.
Just this past weekend, I guess he decided he was going to end it because that is what he told his family and that there was no chance of us getting back together.
He told me that he is not in love with me right now and he is on a break from the relationship. He said he has not decided if he wants to be in it again. So, he pretty much can’t make up his mind. Yet, he keeps saying he doesn’t want to give me false hope. And I say if you haven’t decided yet, how is it false hope? And why would he tell his family there is no chance, but let me think there is still a chance?
We had been planning to spend the rest of our lives together.
Anyway, how can I get him to want this relationship again? And be in love again? What can I do to get him again?
Just plain help!!
Marielle

September 10, 2015 at 10:52 pm

Hi Chris,
my bf and I broke up two weeks ago because he said that he doesn’t think that he could ever get back his feelings for me as he did at the beginning. Since then we have been emailing each other everyday, and finally I asked him if this was his way of trying to get back together with me (my mistake bcus it wasn’t). I said many other things but he kept fighting for a chance to stay friends because I just didn’t feel like being friends would benefit us getting back together again. Am I wrong? Should I agree being friends with him?
Grace

September 9, 2015 at 5:38 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m 22, my first boyfriend of 4 years dumped me around a month ago (also 22). We met at university pretty quickly, had just moved to London together and were about to sign a rental lease when after a week away with his family, he dumped me. We chatted for a long time, both got very upset. He told me he loved me, but wanted to try being single.

He’s given me lots of mixed messages (wanting to keep photos and nostalgic things, telling me he loved me, not wanting me to leave, asking to kiss me goodbye) and now through mutual friends I have found out he only hopes we can be friends and nothing more.

Here’s the thing. I’m confident enough in myself to know that I was the best thing to happen to him. I motivated him to do better and was the driver in the relationship. We balanced each other out, he was very chilled.

He said he didn’t get enough time with his friends and to do his hobbies (playing video games) as the main reason. He also said he wasn’t attracted to me.

I’ve been no contact for 26 days now with nothing from him directly, but little bits of information getting back through mutual friends. I’ve cut all contact with those friends now, and plan to do another 21-30 days really really no contact to see what happens.

I know he started to flirt with a girl at his work but has stopped now. I also know he’ll approach me soon to talk about hoping to be friends, I plan to turn him down.

I’m moving on, going to festivals and going out, keeping busy. I’ve lost weight and dyed my hair.

My question is, do you think this is just him having grass is greener? For a little context, I chased him when we first met, he turned me down and within 2 weeks of the holidays he was trying to get me back. I’m wondering if this will happen again?

We really were very compatible, he had childhood problems with his mother and so commitment phobia is really common with him and his brothers, and I was too needy at the end (desperate for any affection!). I’m working on having more hobbies.

What do you think? We have to see each other in around 2 months time for a mutual friend’s birthday and I know he wants to talk to me before then.

Thanks,
Grace
Zoe

September 7, 2015 at 8:07 am

Hi Chris, I just met up my ex bf yesterday after break up. He was very quite and only listen to me. Our conversation about two hours then we left. But he didn’t text me so far. What should i do? Should i ask him for the second catch up?
Girl.

September 1, 2015 at 5:56 pm

I broke up with him twice because of my pride. He was very damaged by it. It’s only been two weeks and he is seeing someone else. He says he moved on and that I should to. He tells me we can meet for a drink in a month or so but to give him space. I broke the Nc rule and bugged him too much. and how he threatened to block me. Any hope? What to do now? Thanks.

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:16 am

Well, now you have to go back into the no contact rule.

any

July 29, 2015 at 5:53 pm

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months – were and still so in love, he did everything for me and he is such a gentleman. we moved i together and everything was great but then i started to get stress through my business and some nights when drinking i would take out all my stress on him for no reason. one saturday night 10 days ago i lost the plot completely and totally lost it on him, screaming and cursing at him and crying. i was very drunk. it was all my fault and he bolted. i tried the next day to apologise but he would nit have it. i let him be for a while and contacted him today. i asked if we can meet up to speak and he said ‘yes, the sand of next week would be best.’ the message is very cold and i am so afraid he won’t forgive me. i have learnt my lesson and am now even taking concealing to deal with my stress issues. i wan hi back so badly as i love him and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. do you see a chance in me getting him back and what shall i do?

thanks, Any
Samantha

July 29, 2015 at 1:16 pm

Hi Chris!

I actually am a member of your website and followed your steps to win my boyfriend back…it worked! The problem is I did not do the aftercare, and just yesterday he broke up with me again. This time around I can say he held up his end of the relationship, and I consistently made the same insecure mistakes. Is it possible for us to get back together..again?
Isabel

July 6, 2015 at 3:30 pm

Hi Chris. I really need your help here. My bf and I been together for 7 years and the past 2 years we’ve been living together. We had 2 break ups within the first 5 years. The cause of those break ups were that he was talking to girls and I would bring them up all the time. Once we moved in everything was good never brought up the past. We were so happy. We’re in the processes of buying a new home rite now. 3 months ago I had the urge to go through his phone and found out that he possibly can have a kid with someone else. He doesn’t like confrontation and when it comes to arguing he blows up and leave the house without fixing things. At the end of it all he was not the father. He’s been coming home late and one night he didn’t come home. I understand that I can be very clingy. I’ve been really bitchy. And in the middle of moving our belongings to his dad’s in order to save money for our home he told me he can no longer live with me. Cuz I would tell him things all the time. Now idk what to do. We had our whole lives planned out together. Why now? Please help. I don’t want to lose him.
alma

June 27, 2015 at 9:33 pm

hi chris, i’ll tell you my story short. so I broke up 3 weeks ago. situation got out of hand when I read a conversation he had with some friend and he was referring to me as an”affair”. he denied it & said its only because this friend knew his x wife. I didn’t believe it anyway, so I started chatting to a guy who was heavily flirting me, just as a payback to the”affair” thing. 1 week later I had to leave for 3 weeks, and he was begging me to delete this guy from fb & stop talking to him.he begged for about 10 days. the night before I had to come back, he asked me if im still chatting to this guy & I said that It s just basic stuff, hello how are you. he had a fit & told me straight that it s over.
he has a son from previous marriage and a live in nanny. exactly the day he broke up with me on viber, the nanny had 2 friends over at his place staying for 2 days. that night he had sex with 1 of those girls.
as my intuition is very good, I call him that night and ask him ‘ hey , did you break up with me because something happened with 1 of these girls?’
he told me straight that he had sex , & he s over with me. 3 days later, he changed his story from yes to ‘no’. but I did find her hair, in our bed, so I had my proof. So I packed my stuff and left him. we were living together for 1 year.
today its 3 weeks. 8 days after I left , he wrote me that he misses me & wanted me to come back. few hours later he changed his mind. we kept chatting daily, but it doesn’t lead anywhere , we re just arguing.
he s still in contact with this girl & planning to meet her again .
2 days ago , I convince him to meet up together for some days, & I tell him that it ll be so funny when ill check in on fb with him & this girl will see the status. that moment he told me to f*** off & rot in hell. next day he d message me about the weather and other silly stuff, not mentioning anything about the meet up plan we discussed.
so I stopped replying.i started the no contact period 2 days ago & today he s messaging me why am i stubborn & i dont reply.
I think he d like to see her mid july, and I d wish he d meet me & not her.
but so far, he told me that he doesn’t want to be with me no more because he was too hurt by my chatting with that guy (lol). of course he is the victim. lol
I don’t know how to play now so he doesn’t meet her. will the no contact help now?
thank you so much
Jill

June 15, 2015 at 9:34 pm

Hi Chris!
I was wondering if it’s possible to win an ex boyfriend back if they say their feelings have changed?
Thanks in advance!

Chris Seiter

June 18, 2015 at 1:59 pm

Of course it is!

Frey

June 12, 2015 at 12:22 pm

He broke up with me because he said he didnt want me anymore because he couldnt habdle.it in reality he is afraid that if it ends a year later it would hurt more so it is better to get over with now. We were together for 3 months. Everything was going well untill he left for a 15 day trip during which we had a small fight one night and after that everything changed. It was not the same anymore. When he came back and we met after me constantly pestering him he finally told me he doesn’t us anymore because he can’t handle it. He has had a very bad past due to which he thinks the future would be the same. I tried to explain and be nice but nothing worked. We decided to be friends but even that didn’t work. I used to cintact him a little and asked him to meet me and when I asked him for another chance he simply denied it and said it can’t happen now. He’s very lost and.i want to help him it was after very long that he was happy but this uncertainty has taken a toll over everything. He blocked me on whatsapp yesterday very randomly. I just don’t know what to do. It means a lot to me and I dont wanr to let go. Everybody around is telling me to leave him to himself but he said his decision of not getting back with me was final and he wouldn’t change it. But I know he needs someone and I want to be there for him. Please help me out dear chris

Happy

June 19, 2015 at 11:45 am

Frey, I feel your pain. You are in love with someone that don’t want to be with you at this time. The best thing, to is give him SPACE. You only been dating for 3 months, which is really a short time to get to know someone. Please, give him a space, stop calling him and stop chasing him. He knows where you are and he will come get you when he wants you back. For now, start focusing your time and energy in forgetting him. If he does not contact you in 3 months that a big sign he doesn’t want you. Forget him and look for a guy that want you and you will be happier. It going to be hard to forget him but you have to do this for your own happiness. Don’t you want to be happy?

Mel

June 12, 2015 at 8:25 am

Hey Chris,

A lot happen. My ex, we had dated for a good 5months before he broke up with me. Because he liked another girl (I don’t know if they did anything being as we have to travel far to see each other) and which failed. He tried talking to other girls and it never worked. I didn’t let him get to close to me to begin with, in fear that he hurt me. Instead ran of with a different guy (rebound) which I regret ever doing. To plaster a wall, and he accepted that fact. He waited until I noticed that this guy was a rebound and we started talking again. We started dating until, he drop me again because he supposedly ‘only saw me as a friend’

I block him only on Facebook, to give me space. To try and get into some sort routine. Through in this month. I feel like I’m consistently missing something or someone.

I’ve only recently started talking again. He came back crawling to me, with his tail between his legs and telling me of his mistakes. “I can’t help looking at you.” And “your the best girlfriend, I’ve had.” Are also things he’s said to me.

We seems to keep coming back to this page. Of clashing. The reason for the second time, like my mum guessed was because he didn’t think “he wasn’t good enough for me” when really,

He notices when I have scares and bruises, he knows my habits, he had always been there to catch me, talk to. He was sometimes toi good for me.

And I was wondering maybe, now he had taste of other relationships, that it be us and finally us. Because, we keep ending up not able to say a proper “bye” it’s like we’re trapped at “hello” being idiots by running from each other.

Yes, he’s broke my heart two times, he’s made stupid mistakes. But we sit there and we can’t help but say we’re each other “homes”

I just dunno….if I did get back with him, if it be a good idea.
Sydnee

June 2, 2015 at 2:04 am

I just recently started reading these and hope it will work and if you could help… My ex broke up with me last week he said he wasn’t sure how he felt he said he wasn’t happy anymore but that he wanted to take a break to gather himself and figure everything out he said it didn’t mean it was forever, he also said he wanted to see me being strong and independent, does that mean anything?. I was so upset and he was nice the first day but I made a mistake by not giving him space so now he’s just acting like a jerk and says he has no feelings for me. Does he man that or is he just annoyed by me and wants me to give him space? I want to get him back so I’m going to try the things you’ve said and I’m starting the NC rule. He broke up with me because I was clingy and I’m determined to change that and show him that’s not me, I’m determined to be the girl I was when he first fell in love with me. Can you tell me what you think and if you think this could work for me?

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902 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?”