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ANGEL
June 30, 2016 at 2:47 am
My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he said ive invested too much on him and he dont want to be unfair cause for him, he still havent given me any. What should i do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 11:54 am
HI Angel,
that means he sees you as clingy or needy.. start active no contact.
Sashay
June 29, 2016 at 7:23 pm
Hey Chris. I’ve been with my ex boyfriend for a little over 3 years. We were high school sweet hearts and so on after we both graduated. Throughout our relationship, he’s had the most trust issues with me because I lied to him about relations I had with a boy way before him and I got together. I didn’t even know my ex boyfriend when I had relations with the previous guy. But, it was really important for him to know. Ever since I lied to him about that, he’s had the most trust issues with me. During the relationship, the trust didn’t get any better. I started college and there were often times he wanted to come to my dorm but I wouldn’t let him because I was so busy with work. I didn’t have time for guest. So instead, I would go see him on Sundays after work when I was free. I’m in nursing school so it was really difficult. During the relationship, I sometimes second guessed him because he wasn’t really doing anything with his life for most of our time together. He worked for a couple months, stopped going to school after a year, and he left me for 6 months to go to DR to play baseball, which didn’t work out for him. After that, he started to do illegal things to get money, which threw me off and no matter how much I tried to talk him out of it he didn’t listen. Then, he got arrested on gun charges, and I didn’t know what to do. He got lucky though because they didn’t keep him in jail, instead they offered him a program. I was confused at this point because I was so in love with him but this is not how I wanted to live my life. So, months passed by and him and I continued to have arguments but we still loved each other so much. We didn’t let the arguments get in the day, until January. He was accusing me of cheating on him and made me go to the doctor to get myself checked out, basically humiliating me. So I went, and broke up with him and gave him his necklace back. I didn’t think the breakup would’ve lasted because we broke up before and got back together. The same day we broke up, i go on his instagram and see a girl tagging him in photos with her hugging him. I got pissed and called the cops and told them everything I knew about him., but nothing came out of it. I told him what I did and he cursed me out and I apologized because I realized i acted out of anger and he forgave me after a while. For a couple months after the breakup he wouldn’t leave this girl alone and she wouldn’t leave him alone. I found out that they even had sex and she was in love with him in such a short matter of time. She even got his name tattooed on her ring finger. i spoke to one of his friends and they told me that she’s the type of girl who doesn’t take rejection well and she’s crazy. I even was told that she said if she doesn’t get him, its either she goes to jail or dies. Me and her argued for a couple months back and forth. I started talking to another guy and my ex boyfriend found out. When he found out, he tried to get back with me but I wouldn’t accept because i knew it was for all the wrong reasons. I eventually stopped talking to that guy, but him and that girl was still talking because according to him she wouldn’t leave him alone and it was true because i have heard her yelling in front of his house, harassing him. So two months ago, I decided to stop talking to him and it only lasted for two weeks. I stopped talking to him because i ended up seeing a picture of him and the girl on her cover photo and I got pissed because he was lying to me this whole time about what he has going on with her. He told me his full intentions were to be with me, he just had to get rid of her first because she threatened to call the cops on him too. They got into a big fight she hit him first and he lost it. When he explained the picture that i saw, he said he allowed her to take it because he didn’t want a scene on the streets especially because he’s on probation. After the two weeks of not talking to him, he calls my phone over and over again, and at this point i’ve met someone new in school and he picks up the phone and my ex boyfriend gets mad and starts threatening to fight the new guy I’ve met. He starts calling me a bitch, which isn’t anything new because he’s called me that many times after we broke up. Then he continues to write me, telling me how sorry he is, and how the girl he’s talking to stabbed him because of the things I told her about me and my ex. Then, he starts trying to get back with me again because of the new guy he finds out about. Then, he starts asking me if i slept with the guy and i kept telling him that it isn’t any of his business because I wasn’t talking to him at the time. He continued to bug me about it and told me that he wouldn’t judge me based off of it and i told him that i did sleep with him and after that all hell broke loose. He must of not remembered that he did the same thing to me when he slept with the crazy girl. He told me to die, called me a bitch, and many more things. The next day,, the crazy bitch becomes his wifey. I found of out because i texted him trying to be the bigger person to tell him I’m sorry about what he found out because I remember how i felt when I found out he slept with someone new. I regretted doing that because he told me she’s wifey, she’s gunna have his baby and that I’m not shit. The girl started threatening to kill me and my family. Then two weeks later something else happened, and he sent the girl to my job and to my house to come fight me but nothing came out of that either because my mom didn’t let me go outside. She held me inside so we just argued. Even after all this that has happened, I’m still in love with him and I hate it because I want to hate him. He has a whole new girlfriend and it hurts so much. I hate dealing with it. I just wonder if he’ll ever apologize and if he will ever feel bad for what he did to me because just before he found out that i slept with someone new he was telling me that I’m the only girl he’ll ever love and that he will love me till the day he dies. Do you think he will come back again? Do you think he will ever apologize?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 10:54 am
HI Sashay,
if he really loves you, he would respect.. he wouldn’t do all those things that he did.
Regina
June 27, 2016 at 8:40 pm
Hi,
I was with this boy for about a year. When we first started dating everything was fine, and fun. Right before our seven months he broke up with me. I tried to get him back begging and pleading, and of course it didn’t work. He said we argued too much and he was too stressed. After about a month, I gave up and tried to move on. One week later he texted me, basically saying that he loved me and wanted me back. He said he made a huge mistake and that he wanted another chance. I was unsure how to deal with that, and whether or not it was a good idea, so I just said that we should take it slowly and see how things go. After a few weeks, we got back together. We talked about what went wrong, and we decided it was mostly a lack of communication. So I said that in order for us to get back together we needed to work on that, and that if he ever felt like giving up on us again to just talk to me and give us time to fix our problems. He agreed and I did too.
I had also been messing up my birth control schedule immensely and taking up to 3-5 pills in one day because, well.. there’s no excuse. The days following these instances were taking incredible hormonal tolls on my body and emotional stability. I was mean and easily hurt, especially in circumstances that I would usually never react negatively to. I always apologized but it was very difficult and I can’t imagine how much I hurt him, however I wish he would have also told me how he felt so we could look for a solution together (i.e. my birth control). Basically it’s been about four months since we got back together and one day he basically texts me that we need to talk in person. I said “Okay, until then I guess I’ll do my thing and you do yours.” Long story short, his mother had called mine saying that I was not a good fit for her son, that he was only with me because he thought I was self-destructive, and basically implying that something was wrong with me.
When I talked to him in person, he seemed very conflicted. His friend however had previously told me that he had said “he was no longer interested in me.” I basically said that this should be his decision, but it was unfair to just keep me around waiting on him again to just be told he didn’t want me. He said he didn’t know what he wanted but that his parents were pressuring him, and just that he didn’t want to deal with the stress (albeit the majority of his stress in the last for months came from his parents?? and I was there for him). Since we are going off to college in different states in a few months he said he felt we needed to break up. I asked him to at least do this in person, and he said “No. I’ll make the wrong decision in person, if you want closure you can have a phone call.” At this point I was done dealing with it and just didn’t reply.
I’ve done no contact for a little over a month at this point and he hasn’t contacted me in any way. Our mutual friends say that I deserve so much better, and that he has been talking to and into like three girls since we broke up (a month ago). I’ve also been off my birth control for the past month and emotionally have done so much better. About a week ago, when I was starting to get myself together and happy again he completely blocked me off of all social media (unfriending me on fb, instagram, snapchat, etc) which made me think of him again and just “why now?” And a couple of days ago his friend’s friend wanted to add me on all these outlets, which confuses me.
I really want to be with him, I love him dearly. He’s been my best friend for the past year and we’ve been through a lot together. It’s been a month and I still miss him. I don’t really know what to do, considering I’ve distracted myself and am happy. I know I don’t need him in my life, but I want him to be in it. I really do want him back, however presented with the opportunity I’m not sure if it’s the best decision. I’ve been on dates with others and am seeing this one guy who I have fun with, but it isn’t the same, and I would drop everything in a heartbeat for a chance to try and work things out with my ex. I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 7:23 am
HI Regina,
don’t drop eveything in a heartbeat ok? YOu know it seems like he’s looking at your profile through his friend, so continue being active in social media.. I think you need to a week more before trying to iniitate contact with him and you have to look at it as a long distance relationship
Sarah M
June 24, 2016 at 11:53 pm
Hi,
I just broke up with my boyfriend – recently I was confronting him because I felt he was being secretive about things and his main issue was that I never slept over his house (I was respecting my parents wishes even though I am late 20’s). We definitely had some communication problems at the end and I really tried to resolve them although he shied away from it. Even worse we ended up having serious talks over text!! (I know not a good idea). He told me he really loved me but it wont work. We had split up once before but he came back after six months and we realised we had missed each other. This last stint we were together for a year. Do you think he will come back? I’ve started NC for my own sanity.
Sarah M
June 28, 2016 at 11:36 pm
Yup we originally split up for six months and then got back together for a full year…now we split again because he wanted a break without a time limit which I refused to agree to. (I told him if he wanted that we may as well break up as that’s not fair to me).
I’ve already heard from him twice via message (“hope your ok” and “hey how are you”) and once via snapchat since we officially split again… I’ve been very standoffish on purpose though and gave him one word answers. (I realise I broke NC!) Hasn’t said anything about reconciling though. Back to NC for me I guess…
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 10:16 am
Hi Sarah M,
even after 6 months? THen yes, it’s more likely that he will come back
Alyssa
June 16, 2016 at 4:58 am
So my ex broke up with me right before graduation and wanted to be friends because he said he felt “pressured” and that we never clicked. He didn’t wish me congratulations for my graduation or even show up. So eventually I left him alone and went into NC; however, a week later he contacted me a few times and said he misses me and he made a big mistake and he was being stupid. so I listened to him and forgave him, but then he went back to flirting with me and trying to talk to me as though we were back together. Two weeks go by and I realized it was making me angry so I told him I needed space and that I can’t be friends with him right now. After a week of reading my text and not replying he sent me a message to let me know he understands and that he was sorry that he hurt me and whenever I was ready to talk he would be there. after 3 weeks of no response I came back to town and he sent me a message saying he heard I would be back in town soon. After about a week I broke the no contact rule ad told him I was ready to speak. He told me he was really sorry and that he was selfish and that he wants me back. I told him we can be friends right now and start fresh, but a few days after we ended up making out. Is this bad? should I trust him again? I’m not sure I’ve made the right decision.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hi Alyssa,
give him a chance.. just take it slow but remember to have fun too!
Tammy
June 3, 2016 at 3:43 am
Hi so is it normal for my ex to be in contact with an old ex after a break up ? we been on break for about 3 months but talking inbetween trying to make it work but he wasn’t feeling it anymore so he broke up w me. We’ve officially been broken up about a month now and I’m doing no contact he called me twice on day 4 but I didn’t answer and I’m on day 13 and realized he blocked me on Instagram on day 12 which is the only social media I have him on and I have his Facebook password so I checked it today and noticed he has added one of his old ex’s. oh and incase u were wondering , we been together almost 3 years..
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 11, 2016 at 2:33 pm
Hi Tammy,
sorry for the late reply.. you shouldn’t cut it short because it looks like you need to focus more on improving yourself.. you shouldn’t stalk his social media accounts.. be busy on improving yourself, and meeting new people and posting about it.. You have to feel more independent first and more emotionally stable. You have to have your own life first and aim to be the ungettable girl for him to miss you.
Murphy
June 2, 2016 at 12:04 pm
My breakup was due to my ex being young and “needing to experience more” still. He said it scared him because I was type of the person he would end up with and found me so soon, but he feels right now he needs to be on his own and do more things. I didn’t fully understand, we did a lot of things to solidify our relationship (meeting the parents, defining our relationship, going away for the weekend, leaving things at my place, etc.-all which he initiated). I’m still sad and confused and think he made a mistake since our relationship was so positive and he shared he was happy and cared about me. but know that he needs to figure that out on his own, if he ever does. Maybe he will enjoy being single. I’m just laying low and not contacting him and hoping that it makes him realize he doesn’t want to be without me.I’m curious if this is common and they come back after time apart or should I not
have any hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 5:18 am
Hi Murphy,
yeah it’s common for young people.. Sometimes they feel it’s too soon and they’re going too fast and they don’t know a good thing when they have it.. so, the common next step is to do nc, and improve yourself, so that he regrets it when he sees your improvements and he sees he’s about to lose you.
SM
May 28, 2016 at 6:35 pm
Hi Chris,
I am completely at a loss. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years broke up with me the night before I was to come see him. You see we had been in a long distance relationship for the past year while he was in school. We made it through that and everything was fine. He graduated in mid may and I was supposed to come to his home town to visit him on memorial day weekend. Well, the night before I was going to drive up he called and told me it was not a good idea to come because he said he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and can’t be the person I want. He told me he doesn’t ever want to get married and that he knows I want those things. He told me that I am his best friend and he would do anything for me but this is the best thing for both of us but that I deserve someone who can put me first and he wants to focus on his new career for the next 5 to 10 years. You see, he just landed a job in DC and our plan had been for me to get a job there and eventually make my way there and we would live together. I mean when he got the job offer, I was the first person he called and I have always been there for him to support him emotionally and sometimes financially because he was in school. But what drives me crazy is he said he had been feeling this way for a year but just thought it would change and yet he never expressed any of this to me until this week. Moreover, he broke up with me at night but that same morning he was texting me saying how excited he was to see me the next day. Everything was fine I thought because he was looking for apartments in DC and we had even discussed that he would find one for him right now because of the cost of living and that when I got up there we would figure it out. I have this gut feeling that his mom had something to do with this. She is the type of mom who thinks that when he was with me it was taking away time from her. She once told me “when he started dating you, it was like he broke up with me.” But his mom and him have a rocky relationship and they don’t get a long often. So I feel like maybe he was experiencing a lull in our relationship because of the distance and she pushed him over the edge to break up with me. I thought he was “the one” for me and he won’t talk to me at all since our break up. I feel like a death has occurred because a part of me is missing and I don’t know what to do because I absolutely love him and really miss him. I want to be with this man. Please help!
Diva
June 22, 2016 at 10:51 am
Thank you Amor. I even think there is no hope anymore. I dont even know if it is worth my energy. He maybe see just as a friend that he can always talk to when he is bored or when he needs attention. Idk. What do you honestly think about it? He has gf and it is clear I am not the woman he wants to be with but I dont know why he still keeps talking to me. I cant figured him out. I don’t know if it is still healthy to msg him after 3weeks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 4:08 pm
Hi Sm,
I hope you had a talk again and I hope you didn’t bring up his mom..But if you haven’t talked, since it’s been two days, you should start no contact process and let him be to think and for you to be less emotional before you talk again.
Diva
May 26, 2016 at 11:49 pm
Hi Team!
My ex broke up with me more than 3weeks ago now. But I still keep in touch with him after few days. The longest was 1week nc and of course I couldn’t help it I msg him first. Everytime I msg he replied. Sometimes we have good convo. Sometimes he just replt with very short msg and he was the one who always end the convo. The last time we talk we was 2 days ago. I never replied to his friendly msgs anymore. Even i wanted to. It is not me. This is the first time I do that to him. He had msg like 4 different time but i never replied anymore I put him to seen mode. And after that he never contact me again also. Im on my 2nd day NC.
Fyi: we dated online like for almost 6mos. Everything was great until he changed after 4mos. His changed causes me to went crazy and insecure and all. We never meet yet in person but we have a contact on a daily basis and have regualar skype video call. We are supposed to meet may19-23… But he never bought a ticket coming to my country. One of the reason too of my indifferent behavior. I got depressed and worried. He went in China for a bussiness trip and that was supposed to be the time we meet too after his work. When we are still together I know his schedule in china were in may8-18/19… After that I dont know where did he went. I had a feeling he spent 5days (no work) in hongkong (where will he fly back to US) with his ex he met last year in person or maybe with a new girl. I have confirmed he stayed longer in Asia since I texted him a safe flight last may23. So that means he was in a holiday for 5day with maybe someone. were that 5days should be the time for us to see each other in person. When he was in his first week in china I literally begged him to meet me still and said he will be staying in china the whole trip and that he will not fly in my country and asked him that we meet in HK then. He never replied that time and after 3-4days i sent him long emails telling about how i felt letting him go saying sorry and thanking him and that i love him (which i know now it was a wrong move after I read your website) I never received any response from him not even a text so after a week i didnt help my self and msg him asking how he was as expected he replied we talk a lil bit and he was the one ended the convo like goodnite. I did not replied. I relpied the next day told him “hope you have a good sleep and have a good day” he just read my msg and did not reply that was may18.. I never messaged him again from 19 cause i dont want hime to think im spying on him who is she with and of course it hurt me too. So on may23 as i mentioned above i texted him a safe flight back home he replied to my text as expected expected thanking me and that he is leaving for airport already and said he talk to me when he is home. And that he miss me, i did not reply anymore. After few hours he sent me silly selfie of him just like what he was still doing when we were still in a commited relationship. Telling he is on the plane and doors and closed and he talk to me from home. I didn’t help my self and replied that i miss his face and that i shouldn’t and i was sorry. And tell him be safe. And he said thanks sweer girl and that he miss my face too. I told him i wish my sweetness could make him stay with me. Yes i know it was a desperate text again so i follow up a next msg telling glad he will be together with his sons soon. He did not react with my desperate text as expected but said he was gone 3weeks so he miss them. And that the doors are closed and he will talk to me when he is home. That was around 11am. I never replied again. And then the next day 12md he updated me he was in seattle already and that 2 more flights i never replied and around 10am he text sme again he is finally home and in his car already. Still i keep silent. And then i put up a happy profile pic on the messenger app we are using (i dont profile pic previously cause i was sad and he know that if i dont have pic i am not okag) and few hours later he msg me again for complimenting my pic “cute pic..goodnite.” still i did not replied. I just put him to seen mode. I want him to feel what he make me feel when he do that to me. But do you think I am being unpolite not to reply to him? 2Days pass he never text me again. Assuming 30days pass and i he never reach out for me or just even text me within 30days. Would still be right to contact him again after NC or should i just move on. I like him a lot tho. Please I need your expert opinion and advicr. Thank you! And more power to this site.
Diva
June 23, 2016 at 4:58 am
Thank you Amor. I even think there is no hope anymore. I dont even know if it is worth my energy. He maybe see just as a friend that he can always talk to when he is bored or when he needs attention. Idk. What do you honestly think about it? He has gf and it is clear I am not the woman he wants to be with but I dont know why he still keeps talking to me. I cant figured him out. I don’t know if it is still healthy to msg him after 3weeks.
Diva
June 21, 2016 at 11:46 pm
Hi Amor!
Thanks for your insights. He blocked me on fb. So there is no way he will gonna see my improvement. I fucked up yesteday telling him kinda emotional msg. I wanna copy and paste it here you have idea and I wanna now what you think about it. I kinda searching for qn apology he caused me:
“I felt disrespected. Betrayed. Took advantage and treated wrong. Yet I never received any form of apology. Do you think I dont deserved it? I am not upset saying this but it is something I wonder. I didn’t mean to talk to you again to get you back. It just happened that this Harris couple remind me of you in Canbodia. And well we have been talking again a lot. And I really missed Aarons pic, that was true. I just want my wonders to be answered honest too. I got really hurt like hell two months ago. I hope you don’t get me wrong. A am happy we are talking as a friend again. And glad you finally found the woman you are looking for. Its just me wonders a lot” so that was my msg to him. And he just reply with… “I am sorry you felt that way” i did not reply and that he did not msg again too after that… I know I messed up a lot. I fucked up. What should I do now?? Pls help. Ive been trying to move on and talk to other man but I just cant forget about him. I keep coming back. I thought I did well the 21 days NC but right after my first text I messep up. What should I do??):
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 9:22 am
you have to let it pass.. maybe another three weeks before messaging again.. at least that way, you and him have both cooled off and maybe he will that you’ve cooled off too.
Diva
June 19, 2016 at 3:34 pm
Hi again Amor!
So I am back to have insight again from you. Well i did just 21 days NC with my ex. We are talking positively like for a week now. Everything is so fast Amor that I didn’t notice. First time I contact him he was so eager to gear from me and called me and I answered it then after few days he initiated skype so I we had skype aswell. He sometimes msg me first also. But there are times that does not so it was okay. I msg him ramdom time. So today Amor we talked and I sense he has problem. Just to refresh my situation he went to HK and didn’t meet me but instead met someone else like what I expected and so today it was confirmed. So ex told me he met someone and that nownhe is having problem. Money issues with her ex, I think the girl took advantage of him, he knows it too. I did not get angry and set aside my feelings as Chris said it is not allowed to get angry. So I remain calm and civil. I have been a good listener friend to him. He even sent screen shots of him and his gf conversations. I tried not say bad things about his new gf. And telling him give her chance and observe. Then at the end of our talked he said thanks for listening and he appreciate it a lot. And I told him “no problem. I am his best friend haha…sleep well ang feel better tomorrow” and he just reply with 3 smileys… My question is:
1.me saying I am his best friend a good thing or that i messed it up?
2. Why he told me about his problem with new gf? I read the blogs about why ex contact still even he has new gf. This mean that he is friend zoning me?
3.he knows at first that I was so hurt after our break up but then still telling me this? He still even did not apologize. Is he being disrespectful again?
4.Should I msg him again tomorrow? If not maybe he will think I am affected. I really wanna do NC again cause it still hurts like hell I thought I was okay already.
5. If he msg first should I reply with him? I dont wanna be rude and I dont want him to think I was affected that he has gf new gf and that I was hurt.
Pls I need your opinions about this and it is greatly appreciated and hope for immediate reply if possible but I understand too for late repsonse. It would be okay but I badly need your thoughts about this. It is bothering me like under my skin. Thank you and more power.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Hi Diva,
if you really want him to think it’s not affecting you, you have continue what you started during nc to improve yourself.. You have to go out more and continue to be active in social media. Because you have to continue to portray and live like being an ungettable girl. Date too.. and don’t always be too available for him, or you’ll end up being friend zoned.
Diva
June 2, 2016 at 12:20 am
Hi again Amor!
Thank you for your thoughts about it. I just have some questions again that I need your opinion about. I think I can use it too in the future.
Assuming 30days NC over:
1. If ex tell me he miss me. Would it be right to tell him back that I miss him too?? Or just ignore as if I have not read it. What would be the right way to respond??
2. If he would ask me where I have been and why i have been gone for a while. Would it be the right to tell him that “i give myself time to heal and rebuild” … Or what would be the smart way to answer him.
3. Will it be right to tell him literally that “I am okay, i have moved on now”… Would that be wise???
I would be grateful if you could give me some advice how to approach/respond to the 3 situation i have mentioned above.
Thanks you and more power!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 4:18 am
You’re welcome 🙂
1) Thank him and it’s ok to tell him you missed him too and then open a new topic
2) That’s the right answer
3)It’s better if you just don’t tell him that.
Diva
May 30, 2016 at 5:38 am
Hi Amor!
Thank you for your thoughts. Yes we broke up already a week before he is going to China. Actually he never broke up with me directly I was the one bugging him about it what he want in our relationship, and just a calm break up. And he said he like me bothering him and he likes our Skype its been a hightlight for him everyday but he think i am not right for him. And ask him what went wrong. He said he is not feeling it anymore and that emasculation has killed him sounded like his ex wife. We had fight several week ago that he told me i emasculated him. My question Amor is that if thats the reason he gave me that i am not right for him and that emasculation has killed him cause sounded like ex wife… Would be that a good reason to move on already??
FYI: after 3days of his last text that i mentioned in my first msg he messenged me like “good morning” with a grin smiley… Of course i did not respond but i was thingking why he messeged me like that and as if nothing happened.
Yes you are right we did not meet in person we still havent have touch each other physically. But i never felt like this before, it maybe stupid but somehow i learned to love him. We really have something when we are still in a relationship. He was so swept away by me. I think i was ungettable girl (thats the one he like about me. I don’t give in easily) but after few months in a relationship i became soft and he knew i was so into him already. And then doubt worries and insecurity came up. We dated strictly online like almost 6mos and was planning to meet this May supposedly. But i see changes in him after 5mos.
And yes you are right too I invested to much emotions to a person I never meet and touch.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 12:28 pm
hmmm.. for me, if a person is disrespectful, it would be harder for him to get my trust back.. with yiud case, if it doesn’t look like it’s going to progress to a meet up it’s better to move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 3:41 am
Hi Diva,
when he went to china, you were already broken up then? Hmm, the ky issue is that you never really met and it’s only a 4-5 month relationship right? You could contnue to do no contact but the truth is, you don’t know him.. the relationship is not that solid.. so if he gets attracted back to you because he sees your improvement and that you’re moving on during nc, take it slow.. don’t invest too much of your emotion..
yes, you could initiate after nc..just take it slow to build rapport
HurtnConfused
May 18, 2016 at 10:33 am
PLEASE HELP Today, my long distance boyfriend of 1.5years broke up with me. We had an argument two weeks ago about hom coming to see me. I asked him several times that week if he purchased his ticket and he blew up with me. He has been stressed with
work and really worried about hos finances. When he called me adter two weeks hebtold me whete he was at innour relationship. He said it was “bad timing” and that when we donargue its about the same thing about me wanted him to come see me when i already know about his financial situation. Basically this last argument was his last straw. He said he wasnt tryin to see anyone else because he consumed with work and that are communication is going to be very limited. That means no more good morning or good night texts. He says hes not going to pretend nor go back to the way things were. He told me that he still loves me but it isnt fair to me that he cant give the time that i deserve. He couldn’t tell me if he sees things differently in the future
Im just so confused. Should i jus go no contact? Does he want to be woth me in the future? This is the ma we takked about the future with nonarguments expect this type HELP
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 3:20 pm
Hi Hurt and confused,
it’s ok to try no conatct before fully moving on.. maybe after that both of you can clear your minds and miss each other or think of a solution to you long distance problem
Rose
May 14, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Hi Chris, last month my boyfriend of two years dumped me because he said he doesn’t love me anymore.. and I’ll admit there were a lot of issues in our relationship were I was jealous and demanding and possessive. We didn’t contact each other for 2 weeks, and he started contacting me and we met up. He told me how much he misses me and that he made a mistake, he still loves me. We got back together for a week, then he pulled this dumping act all over again with the same reasons. He says that he doesn’t feel excited or ‘butterflies in stomach’ feeling, that he feels that there is no spark.
How do I get him back again? Is it still possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 7:37 am
Hi Rose,
it means he’s not attracted or there’s no desire.. he got back because he missed you out of routine.. stick to 30 daya this time and focus on improving yourself, having your own life and healing
Jessica
May 14, 2016 at 6:25 am
My boyfriend of 3 years and 10 months almost 11 months, and I broke up 2 days ago. When we first got together we had a lot in common and I knew he was someone I could trust and would be serious in a relationship. My gut told me before we started dating he is the one I’m going to marry. I had a rough childhood growing up, physically abused for a short time but saw violence between my parents that traumatized me. I’ve been sexually abused that’s caused issues with me now as well as emotional abuse. I’ve ran away from these issues and repressed them. But almost 4 years ago i let go of a bad friendship that hurt me so much it opened a can of worms to my past and the issues I never dealt with. My ex and i had great adventures, went on vacation together hes close to my family. but over time I had so many issues it got the best of me and depression turned to anger and took it out on him which was not right of me and he didn’t deserve it.
But we talked of our future knowing it would get better. Almost a year ago i finally went to therapy and it has helped a lot but i had a harsh wake up call on the way i was treating him and he put his foot down. 6 mths later after that wake up call i changed dramatically. I stopped taking my anger out. granted I’m a stubborn person in general he would close off if there was anything negative happening between us. He does know I’ve been changing, even now I’m even better as a persona and had a glimpse of happiness but then he told me he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and holds resentment towards me yet forgives me and is confused about where our future holds. we were actually planning on moving out of state but all that changed. He started to close off. He sees a therapist now. He said he doesn’t think he can feel better while still with me and his heart isn’t where it used to be and cant even say he loves me hense why he broke up with me while we were with my therapist. It ended on good terms. I still have issues of feeling reality that we broke up. it doesn’t feel real to me. I still have hope in us cause i know he can get better cause i know ive been getting better myself.
I understand where he’s coming from. If we get back together i would want us to both be better human beings and healed. i feel we never had a real chance due to all my depression after 3 mths in our relationship due to my ex friend hurting me so much and dealing with all the trauma i buried. As of now the day we broke up he came over and he expressed his feelings wishing it didn’t have to be this way, ive apologized many times for not being able to control my anger on him and i do feel guilty over it but im trying to move forward from it. We handled it maturely , he says im his best friend and hes my best friend too i say. i told him i dont want to push anything although i still see hope for us as long as we’re both better inside.
My therapist said it is still possible of us having a healthy and better relationship than before.
I’m scared of the no contact because we are really close, he does text me like today, telling me how miserable he is and confused, i tried giving him advice to work on himself and find himself and heal and still go to therapy. We obviously still care much about each others happiness. i personally dont want to let it go cause hes a great man, a gentleman, romantic loving and supportive. we talked about marriage future kids. we see eye to eye but when it started going downhill is when it felt like we didn’t see eye to eye more. I’m afraid of cutting contact with him cause he is the closet person to me. yes i have a cousin but we’re not as close like we used to although she knows our situation she believes giving him time and space can help him realize the good that was there and to try again cause my ex and i r so close.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 7:03 am
H Jessica,
if you keep talking, then you wouldn’t have a restart and you wouldn’t learn to be independent
Ally
May 2, 2016 at 7:06 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me recently. He admitted to still having feelings for me but he wants to move on. We have broken up a lot of times (5 to be exact). We both did things that ruined the relationship but we failed to communicate about it. During our “closure” meet up, we discussed when he lost feelings for me and the goods and bad about the relationship. He even said he missed my support and me. But why is it that he can’t give me another chance to fix what I messed up on. I know getting back together will need some time for the both of us to realized what we made our mistakes on. Will he come back? Will we get back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 9:42 am
Hi ly,
because he’s tried.. you have to give each other a break.. do nc as last chance.. set him aside for month.. and don’t tell him you’re doing it for him.. just set him aside for a month and focus on improving yourself.
Missy
April 14, 2016 at 4:08 am
My ex and I broke up about a month and half ago. We had been together for about 5 years and had already broken up before for about 3 months. We stayed together for about a year and half after the first break up. I know I was mostly to blame for the break up, I wanted more out of our relationship but was too afraid to share with him, when I finally told him I wanted to move in together and start a family in the near future he said he hadn’t given much thought, he didn’t seem completely shut down by the idea, but I freaked out and began to pull away. I was expecting a different response. We had never talked about a future together. We had a really great relationship, rarely fought, but towards the end I became emotionally withdrawn and kept pushing him further away, meanwhile he did the best he could to be patient with me. I realize now the mistakes I had made. After we broke up I immediately did no contact for 30 days, during that time his relationship status still showed he was still in a relationship with me for that first month, however when he deleted it, I panicked so I texted him and drove to his house and ended up talking for a bit, but we also ended up having sex. The next day, he seemed a bit distant with me thru text, when I asked him about it he said he wasn’t trying to be cold, but he just didn’t know what he wanted and that he wasn’t sure where he was at, but he said he didn’t regret the night before and that he still loves me and thinks of me. I stopped texting him, but then a few days later he texted me again and I ended up rushing over to his house and had sex with him again. He didn’t seem as bad as the first time, in fact he initiated a text the next day and we exchanged a few texts, but then he went silent on me again. A few days later, I saw his truck at a restaurant, we didn’t see each other though, but I did text him drunk that night to tell him I saw him and that I wished him the best and was happy for him. He said he was there with an old friend, but I’m not sure if he was on a date. That was the last time I talked to him, it’s been about 2 weeks since, I’m doing no contact again for 30 days, although he called me a few days ago, the phone only rang once and he hung up, I didn’t react or text him though, I wasn’t planning on talking to him. I really want to get him back, so I’ve been doing a lot of reading and working on myself. I have faith that if we can get back together I can focus on building our relationship again, but I’m not sure if he would take me back as I hurt him a lot. Do I have a chance to make this right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Hi Missy
it looks like you do, just take it slow next time and keep this nc worth it.. be productive so you can grow and heal as well
Michelle
April 14, 2016 at 12:30 am
Hi Chris! Ohhh Lordy I sooo need your help! I was dating this guy for 6 months. We were exclusive, but he suffers from depression & anxiety, and has a lot of job & money issues going on, so at month 3 I got the “I really like you alot and I do see a future here, but I’m just not in a place where I can have a serious relationship right now”speech. We continued to date exclusively, but in my mind I felt him pulling away and becoming more and more distant. I became needy, and texting him too often and being too “pushy” became a huge problem for him. On the 1st of this month I texted him asking for a favor, and when he failed to reply in what I thought was a reasonable amount of time, I blew up his phone. When he finally answered, things got heated and he ended up by saying I was just too pushy for him & he couldn’t handle it anymore, and broke it off with me. That same night I went out with friends and got drunk. When he showed up at the same bar, I tried to talk to him, begging for another chance. The more I begged and pleaded, the more he dug his heels in. I ended up embarrassing him in front of his friends and he ended the night by saying “You’ve just crossed a line you can never come back from”. The next day I sent him a text, apologizing for my behavior, apologizing for being pushy, and I went on to AGREE with the breakup, telling him I realized that he and I wanted different things. He did not respond. I am now on DAY 10 of No Contact. My friends tell me that I created so much damage that night at the bar with him that I should never text him again, but if I do I need to wait several MONTHS. I am working on myself right now, learning why I became so needy & pushy and how to correct that. But I am in love with him, and I do want another chance with him. So this is where I need your help: 1. How long should I do No Contact and are my friends right that I should do NC for several months? Is that too long? 2. Since we only dated for 6 months, are my chances of getting him back/getting another chance greatly reduced? .3. When he said I had crossed a line I couldn’t come back from, does that most likely mean that my fate is sealed and he will never even speak to me again? And finally, 4. WHAT IS MY BEST course of action now? I am anxiously awaiting your reply! Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 11:12 am
Hi Michele,
i’s hard to tell because he may have said that out of emotiob.. but if even your friends say it will take several months, then it must be really awful.. they are the outsider’s perspective so, if they said that..it might be true
Veronica
April 10, 2016 at 9:22 pm
I’m in a bit of a weird situation. My boyfriend and I dated for 3 years before he ended it around 2 weeks ago. He said we’re just too different, mostly in the way we were raised and our lifestyles and families (we both still live at home – i’m 19 and he’s 18). There were also some religious influences. He said we could be friends (but don’t all dumpers say that? haha), but we haven’t talked in a week. He said he couldn’t handle us being friends right now, and that it would just make it harder for him (not sure what “it” is, though). He did say he wasn’t opposed to being friends again, but that both of us need a little space before that happens. I started NC on the 4th of April, and I’m really not struggling with it. But none of this is weird, right? Pretty typical. Here’s the weird part. He works for my dad’s programming company (gotta be a little awkward), and yesterday he sent my dad an email saying that he “got a cheap flip phone for a month, just as a kind of social media fast” and gave my dad his new number for work purposes. What makes no sense is the fact that only a month ago, he renewed his 2 year phone contract and bought a brand new nice smart phone. Why on earth would he abandon his shiny new phone for a flip phone and drop off of social media for a month? My friend suggested that possibly it was too much seeing me on social media, and he needed a break. But he could just unfollow me if that was the case. And so far he has stayed off social media. Hasn’t been on Facebook in 22 hours and no activity on Twitter or anywhere else. Another really weird thing. He also told my dad that he’s going to Tokyo for 2 weeks to a month this Summer. Yes, Tokyo Japan, with really no explanation. I know he’s always loved Japanese culture, and has always wanted to visit, but it just totally came out of the blue. I just don’t understand why a) he’s gotten a cheap flip phone when he just got a new smartphone, it seems like a really sudden decision, b) why he’s taking a month long social media break, and c) the sudden random trip halfway around the world to Tokyo. As a disclaimer, I know and I’m absolutely positive he’s not seeing any other girls. His best friends and family confirmed this, and I just have ways of knowing, so I’m positive that has nothing to do with it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 12:02 pm
Hi Veronica,
I think that’s his way of trying to move on..
Myranda
April 4, 2016 at 7:20 pm
My boyfriend and I had been dating for over 2 years. This year is his first year at college on scholarship for running. He recently said we needed to take a break because he said it was for the best. He said he needed time and space. That he needed to focus on running and school and didn’t know how long that would take. He said he didn’t know if he loved me, that he felt like he did but he’s so overwhelmed. I asked if he would come back and he said he doesn’t know because he likes being alone and having more free time. We’re going through no contact right now, because he said talking wouldn’t give him any space. I’ve been focusing on myself for a while by getting better grades, working towards college and my sport, working, etc. I guess I’m just scared he’ll think we’re better off without each other although we were so good together. Help??
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 7:55 am
Hi Myranda,
With a lot in his plate right now, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with you someday..It’s just that his priority is his studies and being a scholar that means there’s a lot at stake.. He may have just wanted to rest after studying and running than go out.. I’m not saying you’re not important but right now it looks like if he would see he would either be tired or busy.. Give him space.. when you’re emotionally more stable, decide whether you would try again or move on for now
Jordie
March 23, 2016 at 12:33 am
I dated my ex for about 4 and a half months. Basically from the time we started dating I spent most of my time with him. I basically moved in with him while still having my own apartment. We never really fought about anything. The day after valentines day we had an argument because he told me he knew he really liked me but didnt know if he could love me. He’s never really had a girlfriend before, I was his most serious relationship. When we had to conversation he said that I was different from the past girls he had been with. I asked him multiple times if he thought I was wasting my time and that our relationship would just end over nothing. And he told me at least 3 times that I wasn’t wasting my time. So I agreed to continue working with the relationship. The past week was my birthday and for my birthday he decided we could drive three hours back to my hometown to go to dinner. I have younger baby siblings and I wanted to visit them because they were going to visit me in my college town if I didnt come home. I decided we could just stop by my house for like a hour or two to say hi. That was the first time he met my family, he seemed quite sketched out about it the any time I would bring it up. I asked him if he didnt want to meet them and that that was ok but he agreed to going anyways. When we drove back that night something was off about him. For the next 3 days he just seemed distant and that he didnt want me to be around. One night he was just being extra weird and I asked him if he was ok and he said yes. I asked him what he was thinking about he said school and you. And I asked if we were ok and he said IDK. He said that he had been having doubts about us. I abruptly got up and took ALL of my things home that night. I didn’t even really say anything to him. The night before the same situation happen, he was being quite and I got mad got up and left in the middle of the night. I called him and asked him if he wanted me to come back and he told me no. Multiple times. Finally that third day roles around and I stop by his house to apologize for abruptly moving my things from his house. He said it was ok and that he just “didn’t think it was going to work”. Whatever that means he said that we were fine but that he thought history was going to repeat itself. Then he started going on about all the reasons that it wasnt going to work. Reasons I was completelt unaware of. He said we had nothing in common, that our interactions were weird, and that I was more invested than he was. All of this stemmed from his roommate telling him he thought our interactions were weird. My ex said he didnt want a relationship to be like that and I asked him how it should be and he couldnt tell me. Not to mention I signed a lease to live with his roommates girlfriend for the whole next year because my ex thought it was a good idea. I wish he would have said something before he met my family. It was by no means a formal meeting but I still dont want to bring random guys home. I haven’t tried to contact him since the last time we talked in person. I just want to understand if he broke up with me to protect himself since it was unfamiliar territory or what? I think him meeting my family triggered something that made him think history was going to repeat itself, or that we had nothing in common. I have more things in common with him than I have had with any guy. I’m just really confused.
Jordie
March 23, 2016 at 12:42 am
He also had done many things to make it seem like he loved me and didn’t know how to admit it. When I was upset he printed off pictures of us and framed them for me as a gift. For christmas he bought me a lot of bath soaps and lotions to keep at his house along with a tooth brush and a towel. He was always very generous and thoughtful when it came to me. We had made plans around us being together for awhile and now im just lost. I want to be with him but im just unsure of things.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 10:54 am
HI Jordie,
Maybe it was too fast for him.. Do you consider doing no contact?
Zeena
March 9, 2016 at 4:59 am
I don’t know if he is my ex really since we dated for a very short time but we have known each other and been intimate for the past 3 years(no strings attached). All this time he had a girlfriend and also had a kid with her which I never knew about because tbh I did not care to know what his romantic life was like as I had no interest other than sex. Something shifted between us and we fell for each other head over heels which led him to come clean to me and that lead him to break up with her(he says I was not the reason… he’s been unhappy with her for years). I was relieved to hear that it was not because of me. Anyways within a week of her moving out and sleeping with his friend he got back with her because she was in a vulnerable position and shared some bad things that have happened to her. I see it that he got back with her because she displayed she loved him, was the only man she wants to be with sexually and she had a horrible time with the guy she slept with during their breakup/separation. In turn he felt the need to be there for her and his family… to protect them and had started blaming himself for being unhappy. and creating a bad situation with her. She of course let him know in which instances he messed up which made it clear for him why their relationship had gotten so bad.
Anyways it was very drastic and very sudden but I had a feeling it was coming the second he had shared with me that she had slept with so and so guy. He was clearly jealous about it but he gave me other reasons which could possibly be a factor but it was def not the main reason. I am in a place right now where I am heart broken and weak. I cannot control my emotions… I have highs and lows. I cry when I wakeup and I am just barely functioning as a human. Its been two weeks. When we last spoke and ended things he said in a years time if things are done done then I would like to call you … I said “please don’t”. He responded saying I really really hope it works out with her and it terrifies me the day I have to come clean to her about you. I put on a brave face and told him I will be fine. He cried and kept telling me that if I ever needed anything to call him…. I told him that would not happen. Prior to this brave face … I begged for 8 hours on and off for him to come see me and to pick me and referred to her as a cunt who is only using him and has trapped him into staying. All that begging of course made his decision more clear to him. He was shocked at my behaviour because I am always positive, level headed and understanding. But that day I was done being understanding. He said that he needs to take care of her for his family’s sake, that she isn’t really all that bad considering everything that she’s been through and if he had met me before her he wouldn’t ever worry if someone was there to take care of her or not. He told me I am not the mother of his child and things are different with her.
Anyways …. I am in that mode where I still want him back but on my terms and keep him for the better. I know he is going to hurt me again …. i know he might do the same thing again. But I also know if he wants to come back to me he will really really have to redeem himself because I know I will not settle for any less. I know I will make sure he has found clarity and I know I wouldn’t rush things. I know why I will do all this …. only because I really never want to lose him again. I have been single for a very long time and have had my fair share of flings and people I sort of liked. The day I realized I had feelings and strong feelings for this guy I felt like the earth shifting from underneath me. I have never pictured introducing a guy to my family or wanting to have his children someday. I have never looked at a man and admired him so much. I am not saying all this because I am deluded by all my emotions right now. I am saying this because I knew what a messy situation i was getting myself into and I chose to take the risk because he really really was worth it. He kept telling me I am selling myself short.
Do you think he will come back to me? I know you cannot say for sure but what would happen in this situation? WE have not spoken in 2 weeks. When we last spoke it felt like a forever goodbye and he told me he might be losing the best thing that could have possibly changed his life positively but he needed to do this because he loves her and their child. I just scoffed when he said that. I know men are selfish. If he really felt I was the best thing that has happened to him since sliced bread then he would not have gone back to her. They are not officially back together yet. They are doing couples counselling and trying to figure things out but cut me out because he cannot do this with all honesty if I am still involved. I don’t think we will ever speak again unless I call him. I am stubborn and my pride is hurt so I know I will NEVER call him even though I constantly want to. I know he will not call me but everyday I check my phone a million times to see if he has called. He is not on social media and we live far from each other. We do not have common friends. Chances of us crossing paths by chance is nil. How do I even get him back if we both never call each other? Me calling him is NOT an option as that will only make him not want to be with me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 7:38 pm
Hi Zeena,
he may be a great guy personality wise..but character wise, definitely not… He cheated to his wife and then he tells you, you’re the greatest thing in the world.. talk is cheap..his actions don’t show an honest man..If you really want to be back with him..he has to face his responsibilities first..he has to come clean with his wife and leave her..of he doesn’t prove to you that you’re the only one..keep being stubborn..
Emma
March 6, 2016 at 9:15 pm
Hi Chris, I’m in a really tricky situation with my ex and I feel like there’s no hope. I’ve had an on-off relationship with my ex for about a year and a half before he called it quits last December. I’ll admit that I don’t blame him, as soon as he started pulling away, I’d cling on as tight as I could. I made all the common mistakes that could have been made – constant texting, showing up, calling!
I found this page and went into no contact in the middle of Jan, and broke it about 3 weeks ago. Things have been going okay, we talk now more than ever, but I do have moments where I turn into an obsessive freak. He has made it clear that he has no intentions of seeing me one-on-one, nor does he want to get back together because of “how I was”. I really didn’t see myself as being that clingy? All I was trying to do was fight for our relationship. I’ve tried to show him I’ve changed, but it has been months since the break up and he has no intentions of even meeting with me or getting back together.
Is there any hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 11:23 am
Hi Emma,
It looks like you’re still chasing because he still knows how much you love him.. hmm..try another nc, this time make it seem like you’re moving kn.. improve yourself.. do 45 days… and when it’s over, don’t ask him about gettin back together, don’t ask abouy feelings.. treat it like starting over totally