What Is It That Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?

517 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?”

Afnan

March 6, 2016 at 8:03 am

Hi Chris,
My story started when i was in class 7. I met a guy in a marriage function. He was a good person. His good quality really attracted me towards him. He was the one who loves to help people. He was like a responsible guy. In the marriage we both equally invested time is seeing each other. After sometime as i was about to leave he asked my number and from that day we started to text each other. I loved spending time with him. His jolly nature totally made me comfortable. And within some days i started feeling that this is the guy i want to be with my whole life. I confessed my feelings and he revealed that he too had a strong feelings for me. Everything went good. We talked. Started meeting each other. Both of us were madly in love with each other. But after completing six months i felt the spark which took place on the first stage was fading away. I became to scared thinking that he will leave me and i stop contacting him. He too didn’t tried to talk to me. Days past, week past but there was no reaction. But as days pass i started missing him. I spend my whole time thinking about him. And at last i realized that i can be without this person. I tried to contact him but his reaction was cold. He was like you broke up. Its your fault. i tried my best to get him back but i am not able to. But i feel that he still has feelings for me but doesn’t want to show at all.

Sir i know that stage was not right time for me to fall in love but it happened. I want him in my life. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 6, 2016 at 8:23 am

Hi Afnan,

Sorry, I’m not familiar with your situation.. how old are you? what’s a marriage function?

Michaela Petkova

February 26, 2016 at 10:11 pm

Hello,

I really need some help because I am very sad, hurt and lost. This Monday, my boyfriend broke up with me. The reasons he gave for his decision were that he did not want to be in a relationship, he wanted to be alone with his friends and that he still has not gotten over his mom’s death. He is 30 years old so she died relatively young. She passed away last Summer, just a few months before we got together. Everything was great ! I met his family, his friends, we talked about everything and we loved spending time together. He loved me and I loved hin. He did everything in charming me and pursuing me, we made plans to go on a trip to Italy this April, we matched perfectly until mid-January when I felt that he started to back away from me. At first I thought that it had to do with his stomache problems, he has been having some serious pain though now it’s better. After I finally suggested having a conversation, he told me that he needed to be alone and mourn the loss of his mother. He thought our relationship would help and that it hurt him to see me loving him more than he loved me. I feel terrible !!! I am so hurt !! On the one hand, I understand that he needs time but on the other hand – I was ready to fight for our relationship but he was not. I feel lost and I miss him so much!!! I want him back but I don’t know if that is ever going to happen! I know that I need to move on with my life and I will but I am afraid that he will move on and fine someone else. I know that he has been having a hard time because this Thursday, one of my best friends approached him, telling him that he should have not have made me promises of a relationship and that he hurt me. When she told me about the conversation, she said that he looked hurt and angry. I have been talking to my parents and to my friends, to myself and I know that life goes on. Still, it doesn’t stop me from being terribly hurt and wanting him back !!! I just don’t understand why he did this and why he wants to be alone? What my intuition says is that he got scared. I know that he was in two serious relationships, where he got really hurt. I think he got scared of inversting in our relationship to protect himself. But maybe I am wrong with this conclusion…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 9:31 am

Hi Michaela,

if he said he wanted to be alone, and then he moved onto another girl, that means he’s lying with his reasons.. But if he is telling the truth, then giving him space can help to clear his mind and miss you

Melissa Roe

February 9, 2016 at 3:31 pm

Hi again,
I’m also nervous when i see him and start talking about ways we can fix our relationship, he’s going to cut me off and tell me were not getting back together. I didn’t want it to seem like I’m only talking to him to get back with him, but maybe just bring up things i noticed i did wrong throughout our relationship and give him something to think about so maybe hell want to get back together on his own terms.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2016 at 1:01 pm

Nope, don’t talk about feelings and the relationship if you’re not sure that he’s willing to listen

Melissa Roe

February 8, 2016 at 5:05 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I started having some problems in December and I started picking stupid fights with him because we never actually resolved any of our real ones. It was mostly my fault because I’m away at school and during finals i just pushed everything aside. Well once I got home I realized I let things go but was still not actually over it. On New Years eve we had a huge fight and I said things I didn’t mean but I just was so overwhelmed and didn’t know what I was feeling anymore. I told my boyfriend I wasn’t sure if i saw a future with him and i wasn’t sure if i even was as in love with him anymore. Well, I think he assumed i didn’t remember saying any of this because we never talked about it after except for just getting in another huge fight two days later where we both said some pretty mean things to each other. After that we didm talk for a day and I called him to try and figure things out. He came over my house and said he needed space because he didn’t know what he wanted. I was a mess after that because I was leaving to go back to school in a few days so i was pushy and asked him to still see me. He kept telling me he still loves me but he doesn’t know how he feels still but agreed to give it another go. I got back to school and we still texted everyday and he seemed back to normal telling me he loves and missed me everyday. I went home Jan 16 and we hung out both days i was home and everything seemed fine. I knew we had to talk about things but It wasn’t the right time so i didn’t bring it up. When i went back to school he was supposed to come up Jan 23 to visit but there was a snow storm so i told him he might not make it and i could tell he was getting annoyed with me because i said he was being confusing lately and after that he decided to ignore me altogether. I called and texted him and that just made him more mad because on jan 24 he called me and broke up with me sounding very angry and saying he doesn’t want to waste his time if we don’t have a future. I gave him space and texted him after two weeks to see if we could talk in person and he agreed right away. I’m going home ned weekend to talk but i’m not sure what to say or even if i should expect for him to want me back…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 8:52 am

Hi Melissa,

Talk calmly and avoid blame. Talk about solutions instead of problems and talk about how you can improve communicating your sentiments to each other instead of shutting each other off when you get angry.

Madi

February 8, 2016 at 5:27 am

I know this is a long time after the article was published, but here it goes anyway…

I was in a relationship with this great guy for two and a half years. We had a great connection and very few problems. We both wanted to move in together, get married, and have kids someday. The summer before I left for college, he broke up with me because he didn’t want to do a long distance relationship. A few weeks later, we decided to hang out together and before I know it, he’s asking me to take me back and that he’s made a rash decision. I didn’t want to be the girl who gets her heart broken twice by the same guy, but I thought he had realized that he’d made a mistake that he wouldn’t make again. So I took him back and everything was good for another three months.

But when I came back for Christmas break, he told me wanted to join the military, which I didn’t really approve of. We already had plans to move in and go to college together. I didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship for another 4 years, and he thought I was holding him back in life. He broke up with me again the day after Christmas.

I learned a couple of days ago that he was rejected. I told him that if he needs to talk to anyone, that I’ll be there for him, and that’s the only contact we’ve had since then.

I still kind of want to get back together with him, but I also don’t want to be the girl who was dumped by the same guy 3 different times. I feel like he made a decision without thinking about how it would impact me and our relationship, which I’ve never done to him. And he told me that he doesn’t want to be held back in life just to accommodate me, but I’ve made accommodations for him in my life because I want to experience it with him.

Any help is appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2016 at 10:53 am

HI Madi,

you’ve mentioned that you’ve made decisions in consideration of your relationship always and you’ve made accomodations in your life for him too but he doesn’t. So, is it like that always? Are you always the one making the effort to keep the relationship afloat?

MICHELLE

February 1, 2016 at 5:31 am

Hi Chris

My boyfriend of nearly two years left me and it has been 15 days and he has not made any contact yet. Every time we disagree or have a fall out he wants to break up. In the past I have made effort to win him back by telling him we are meant for each other and he must give us a change. He has had multiple relationships and I have only had one long term relationship. I am 27 and he is 45. He has never been married. I truly believe that he loved me. Just before the breakup we were talking about getting engaged and moving in together. We are both quick to get cross and I have been under enormous pressure running a new business and studies. All the stress tends to make me react to fast. I will never yell or swear, but I might walk away or go home. He finds this to hard to cope with and is also not willing to try and understand my feelings. I am so scared it is finished for good. I collected my things at his place but he has not collected his things from my place yet. WE also still have keys to each others houses. What can I do to get him back? We have a great time but seems we ruin it as we cannot communicate our needs properly or understand each others cycles or stresses.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2016 at 12:13 pm

Hi Michelle,

Since you already know what the problem is, the next step is practice having betyer communication. During this 15 days, have you tried to contact him?

Lauren rogers

January 21, 2016 at 5:33 am

PLEASE HELP
Two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me saying that he didn’t love me the same. But right before he broke up with me we had this huge heart to heart about how we could both improve our relationship to make it stronger. I was so excited because it was a new year and a good start for us. But he didn’t even give that a chance and broke up with me. He took a break from me a year and a half ago, but came back to me and said I was all he wanted and that he loved everything about me. I am devastated and I just want him back. About a week ago he contacted me and we hung out. He said his feelings were still the same and that he didn’t love me in the same way.. but of course he would still feel the same it had only been a week! He said it has been hard for him to and he just can’t drop a relationship like that and wants to be friends with me. He said he can’t promise me that we have a chance in the future because he doesn’t know what will happen and doesn’t want to lead me on. I don’t really want to be his friend right now because i want him to miss me and find his way through his thoughts. My gut feeling is that we will work out but I’m scared. Is there a good chance for us? Does he really not love me or is he just lost?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 12:45 pm

Hi Lauren,

I don’t know how to answer your other questions but everybody has a chance. But if you really don’t want to be friends and you can’t have a proper talk again or he’s not keeping his word, you have to show him you’re not OK with it. Because, that’s the only way you get treated the way you want to.

Lynn

December 26, 2015 at 5:35 am

Hi chris! I need your advice so badly. I have been in a 2yrs long distance relationship and exactly a month ago i broke up with this guy. I met him when he was broken because his ex gf betrayed him with his bestfriend and he was really truamatized with what had happend he has nothing when I met him and he told me that he was really greatful cause I came into his life and he told me that I am all that he has got and we build our dreams together. I have helped him in fulfilling his dreams (because he wants to work abroad and be a registered nurse) and I have supported him in every aspect but when he finally fulfilled his dreams he started to fade away and the most painful part he told me that he never loved me but he said he tried, he said maybe because of the trauma that he experienced with his ex gf but I’ve heared that he’s been dating several girls. I feel being used up so I broke up with him. I still love him and I really do want him back but is it really worth it? How could I win him back again? Pls help me chris!
Tracy

December 22, 2015 at 4:08 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he didn’t feel the same towards me. He started acting differently when I told him I needed space and was confused after that it’s like our relationship was doomed. He said he still loved me but didn’t want to hurt me because he didn’t feel the same, he said he felt off for a week. I got a scholarship so I’m moving away 6 hours away from home and he also felt he couldn’t do long distance so that was a factor too. He’s broken up with me in the past because he didn’t want to like me too much before college started, we got back together. I ended things because I felt he was acting weirdly and not into the relationship, we got back together and he now broke up with me again. I truly love him and when we broke up I told him I still loved him and understood what he wanted but I still wanted to be with him and I was not going to give up.
We only dated for 5 months, we would argue once in a while and usually always have fun when we were together, this is my first relationship so I don’t truly know much, he’s been through other relationships and he told me he’s never felt this way before.
I don’t know if it makes a difference but at times he overthinks everything and I don’t know how make him stop I know it affects our relationship. He gets anxious at times, thinks I’m cheating on him randomly but never comforts me about it (not cheating on him). I truly want this relationship but don’t know if there’s anything to do since he said he lost interest.
AashiP

December 20, 2015 at 1:41 pm

I have been in relationships before but the last guy I dated about 6 months ago for 7 months was my most serious relationship. We are just 19 and families were involved. That in India, is a HUGE deal. He broke up with me for a variety of reasons. Some valid, some pointless. He ill treated me after the break up and we emotionally hurt each other and he used to insult me and make up upset every chance he got. For 6 months post the break up, we knew what was going on in each other’s life as all our friends were mutual. Soon my mutual friends also cut me out completely and kept in touch with him. It was my worst break up and most dramatic. We lost contact about a month ago. When I saw his uploads on social media, 5 days ago he uploaded a sad quote on his social media. Around the same time he unblocked me from all social media. Today he starts texting me as if we have been friends forever and nothing ever went wrong. He asked me to come to a place, he asked me about my pet and casual conversation. I asked him if we were talking and he said that he doesn’t want anyone to know that we talk. When I told my best friend, she mentioned that he has come into my life just to make things right before the year ends so I don’t bother him if he is dating someone else and so he doesn’t carry the excessive guilt in the next year. Please help me figure out his intentions.
Rebeca

December 16, 2015 at 9:49 pm

Hi Chris,

Thank you for the information. My ex-boyfriend and I had been mostly without contact for 9 months after we broke up. We dated for 7 months, but it was quite intense. He met my whole family after 6 months of us dating (I never met his, but they knew of me), which he absolutely loved because to him, it felt “right”. A month after he met them, we broke up. He said I was too critical of him and was judgmental (I didn’t see it this way and never understood how). We spoke once more after the break-up, didn’t speak again until a month later. It was a short meet-up, short convo. We didn’t really message each other until the end of the summer when I sent a quick message wanting something back that was mine – there was no negativity here, it was just something I needed. Recently (over the past 2 months), I received a message from him saying that he was at this place and that he had thought of me and thought I’d like that place. I responded a quick response asking the name of the place. He responded with the name and that was the last we spoke. A couple weeks ago, I messaged him just to say hi. He responded. We had a short phone conversation, but it was nice. I messaged him the following day asking if he’d like to grab coffee or something, to which he responded yes. Our schedules hadn’t really matched, but we agreed to see each other at some point soon. A couple of days ago, our schedules matched up and we went for a drink at our local bar. We sat and talked about silly stuff (Star Wars, which he filled me in on since I know absolutely nothing about it), we had a few drinks, and played darts. It was fun. I don’t remember how, but we got into the conversation about what happened (it was probably me asking some silly question), to which he responded, he walked away and didn’t return because I gave him an ultimatum. When we broke up, after us going back and forth deciding what to do, I asked him not to leave because if he left, we were surely over. Well, apparently, men don’t like ultimatums? He said that’s why he didn’t return and his stubbornness kept him away. However, he wished that I had truly accepted the fact that he loved me so much and that I was the one he wanted. We discussed it a bit further, he teared up a bit, I did too (of course, I am a woman!). The end of the conversation was me asking him to really think hard if being with me is something that he wants (I don’t really know what his purpose was in telling me everything I wanted to hear MONTHS ago when we broke up). I asked that if he thinks about it and decides he wants to pursue me, to contact me so we may see where it goes but it has to start from the beginning. We have to date again and go from there. I mentioned that I didn’t want to be hurt anymore, and that if we know from now it’s not going to last then we shouldn’t move forward with it. I really didn’t know what to expect from him since this was a shock for me. Anyway, do you suggest I reach out to him? Do you think he responded this way because he realized what he was missing or because he was bored? I am not sure what to make of it and really not sure what to say to him (if anything at all). It’s been two days, and I did reach out to him today with a playful text saying I was ready for our darts rematch (no response as of now)… Not sure if that messed up me giving him that “thinking time” or what. Any advice/suggestions/etc. would be GREATLY appreciated!
Rosita

December 4, 2015 at 8:38 pm

My ex bf was the best cheater you could ever meet. His family hates me thanks to one of the girls he cheated on me with!!!! I felt like I was his side chick when actually i was always the girlfriend… he left me for this girl!!! He has been with her up & down!! I moved on but he got jealous thinking I have someone new when his is the one that dumpped me in the first place!!! He has been tryna get back to me and he says he wants to be friends?? I am confused because it’s been a month since this happened I still have very strong feelings for him!!! What should I dooooooooo? I haven’t talked to him since we broke up but he has been talking to one of my family memembers telling them this!!! After what he did! He is a big fat liar!!!!!!!!!!!
Samantha

November 19, 2015 at 5:16 am

I had a ex-boyfriend which we broke up back in 2007 contact me a week ago. Well I know what I think I should do because after a whole of dating and it was a great relationship he broke up with me cut off all contact. Two weeks later his wife calls me. I never had the slightest idea he was married. He told me he was divorced and had a daughter and they lived in another state and was stationed in San Diego. We were practically together all the time. If I knew he was married there never would of been a relationship. It’s probably a no brainer he’s probably stationed here again and his wife is probably still very much his wife.
Elina

November 13, 2015 at 5:29 am

hii..
my bf now in a relationship with another girl since 1 yr. i want him back to my lyf.plz help me. i really lv u so much. and also want to marry him. but now-a-days he has no intrest on me.he can satay without me easily.i am in relation with him last 6 yrs.but now he don’t wants me.he always talk to that girl.i feel so pain when i get waiting from his phn.plz sir help me.i need him so much.i can not live without him.plz say what can i do to get him back…plz plz…
Alison C.

October 25, 2015 at 12:16 am

I am currently in my third ever relationship, with my new boyfriend.
He could be the one.
He’s the only one that I’ve talked to that actually gets me for me, not just because of my looks or because I blew them away with something or other…
Only problem is… I have 2 exes that might put a spanner in the works.
One, I keep in contact as a friend. Not “friends with benefits” (know a couple of people who do that but I’m not that type of person) but just a friend. I meet up sometimes and go to the pub to talk about life with him, and he’s very chill.

He’s a great friend, but we broke up over the fact that relationship was a completely different story to the friendship. He would demean me intellectually and as a person, but after having broke up with him on and off, he still says he likes me but respects the fact that I just see him as a friend. Doesn’t mean he’s changed much though, as he’s still got a touch of the Peter Pan syndrome, and talks a lot about “sexual stuff” when there was no reason to (he had this obsession and I was having none of it).

My other ex on the other hand… Well… He was a drama king, and loved public display of affection, which made me feel (and people around me) HEAVILY uncomfortable. Always made everything about him and kept lying/contradicting himself/was on drugs/his parents hated me because our religion was not the same… Heck, he was the ex that gave me the biggest headache. I got back together with him shortly after the first break up because I was guilt tripped. He used the whole “I tried to commit suicide story” because he couldn’t live without me. Whenever I talked about a future and potential family he was having none of it, but would joke that he would devirginise and impregnate me very soon which made me feel very uneasy as that’s the complete opposite of what I want at this point in my life. It turned from that, to dropping off the face of the earth completely for a month (he would always write every day, whereas I’m more chill), and when I so much as got worried and messaged to ask if he was ok, I was labelled a psychopath. I eventually dropped him because I was just fed up of everything that was coming out of his mouth. All of it were lies.

Those two relationships left me depressed for a while because in two different and similar ways, they were very self indulgent and self absorbed. They didn’t seem to care that I was going through a really shitty time myself.

My third relationship… Well it’s different from the other two because we match very similarly personality wise, and he’s been honest to me on the onset about things, such as being transgender and his familial circumstances due and prior to this, and what his hopes and dreams are for the future. He is the sweetest, kindest and most understanding person there is, and I can genuinely feel goodness from his soul when he speaks to me, that there is no ulterior motives, unlike the 2 exes before him. Thing is though, I have no intention of telling him about ex number 2 so as he is already feeling a little nervous about the fact that I had dated someone before.

He knows about ex number one though, who was also very mean in the past. Boyfriend has been stalking his social media which is understandable but makes me feel uneasy.

I hate anything to do with potential drama and I tend to avoid it at all costs, as I’ve had enough of that in my own personal life. Therefore I minimise drama as best as I can in areas of my life I can control.

My boyfriend and I are looking forward to moving our relationship forward, and I’m just hoping these two exes won’t form obstacles around me to avoid me from attaining a happy, healthy relationship with someone who cares about me as much as I care for them.

Ex number two has left me a voicemail very recently. Haven’t heard from him in months. He says he misses me. I, on the other hand have moved on, but am terrified to face Ex2. All of my instincts are telling me to ignore him as I have done, but a huge part of me wants to tell him I’m over him, and that whilst thinking of me is ok, I am over our relationship we have had and there is no way to repair what has been broken.

I have found my missing piece to my puzzle, which is my boyfriend, and I intend on protecting and treasuring him just as he has treasured me.
Aubrey

October 19, 2015 at 11:13 pm

An ex messaged me recently telling me he still loves me, and that he for eight months has thought and thought on how he can make amends.
In one way, it is sickening, because I was a depressed doormat and because of that, I let him treat me in ways he didn’t seem to realize were really painful.
In another way, it seems almost worth considering. I am indeed a different person from the fragile thing he knew. He would not be able to walk on me. He would not be able to persuade me into things he persuaded me into during our relationship.
I am angry, and sick, because I don’t understand what pulls him to me, what makes him think he could have me back. But part of me thinks of trying again, now that I am stronger. I don’t know what to do.

Chris Seiter

October 20, 2015 at 2:22 am

You first have to decide if you want him back. Definitely don’t let him treat you like a doormat.

Thu

October 17, 2015 at 7:35 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for 3.5 years. He’s 21(now) & I’m 20. Like most relationship shop we had our ups and down, make up and break up. On our last year together, we’ve been fighting more often due to my insecurities which I am in the process of working on so next time we approach each other, I’ll be stronger, better, & back to the girl he once fell in love with. Well it’s been 4 months now since we parted ways. The main reason why we broke up was due to a stupid argument. We were able to remain friends for 3 months (of course friends w. Benefit, me begging for him back & all). The previous September, things got ugly. I let my emotion get the best of me. He makes vlogs on YouTube. I saw his daily vlogs and well he was hanging out with his friend who happens to be a girl that I did not like due to previous bullying in high school. In result, I gave him a black eye & said things that weren’t true. At that point he was done with me. Days have past since that incident and I tried apologizing but he’s been ignoring me, blocked me through Twitter and text/call however he didn’t block me through the remaining social media. I was able to catch him on campus at school, he told me he was done with the fighting/arguments, doesn’t want a relationship (aka he wants to stay single), doesn’t want me in his life right now and to lose all hope in us working it out but at the same time he told me he was blinded by anger and the negativity.; it could be his emotion talking since everything is still fresh. I really can never forgive myself for what I have done. I’m going into NC (well starting over. I broke it as I sent him a farewell for now letter through DM Instagram) even tho he’s already ignoring me. What advice can you give me to get him back? I know he loves me, love cannot be switch off automatically. Hope to hear from you soon! I’m also thinking about getting your ebook too as I’ve been receiving the Kai vs. Sarah case.
Sarah

September 27, 2015 at 8:15 am

Hi 🙂
Im 22 years old and I am in my last year of BSc. My ex boy friend is 22 years old too. His city is different from my city. we had very very greate and special times with each other. He loved so much I could feel it. He did lots of things for me… after 5monthes we were in a relationship I did something bad. I knew my father is so traditional and just believes a relationship is not a good thing unless you get married to each other. My ex boyfriend wanted to see my father, so that my father will see him and we can be with each other better ( Until that time I didn’t know my father has such believes ) But my father told him you should come and get marry to her ( me )… and because he is so young he couldn’t so he gently sail he can’t contiue this relationship… days passed… I knew he still loves me… he still did somethings special for me but also sometimes he talked to me badly… after 6 monthes, he back to me and we started to be in relationship 🙂 I was so happy… I thought that is because he loves me and he is sure about me… so I didnt care anymore… I loved him ( I still love him ) so much but because of this silly thought I did lots of thing I knew he hates. like being needy, naggy, showing no self-confidence … when the semester got finished, he went to his own city…. he didnt call me and he didnt answer me for about 50 days… I was so upset but I even didnt guess he does not want me anymore, I thought maybe he is busy… Or maybe in my birthday he will suprise me … but two days before my birthday he wanted to talk to me… he told me he thinks there maybe some other girls who he can be happy with… he said Im wonderful but he does not want me to be his girlfriends… he sail he wants to see other girls… he said I will always be with you if you have any problems but lets not be in relationship anymore… ( and I knew after a break up these things are not true anymore ) … He has lots of friends in his own city… they are very cool guys and they always have fun with each other… before that he never liked any of his friends that are girls but after our break up I saw lots of pictures on social media that he is with his fiends that are girls and they have so much fun… I got upset whenever I saw them. Once one of his close friends (boy) told me there is nothing between him and those girls, but you know I can not believe that…. I love him so much… He was special I can not stop thinking about him… I did some mistakes, I sent him some messages after break up that I knew I should not… I am upset because it is the last year we may see each other and may have a chance… I do not know what should I do to get him back 🙁
Madeline

September 24, 2015 at 11:39 pm

Chris!
So my boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and a few months until recently when we broke up. When I first met him, he drank every day (he’s 20 by the way), was taking xanex and smoking a lot. I was on my way to college in a few weeks before I met him. We ended up talking and hitting it off. We would sit in his room together and listen to old rock albums and literally just look at each others eyes and talk. He said he’d rather spend whatever time he could with me than not at all. My mom ended up relapsing so I stayed here for college which was convenient because he was here too. He was with me every step of the way. I broke up with him a lot though and the whole relationship has been really up and down. We spent every day together pretty much, though. He would spend the night at my house every night, I would make him homemade meals, we would shower together, etc. and now that we are broken up, he is out partying and talking to other females. In the beginning of our breakup though, he would text me to hang out and it really seemed as though he missed me but never really got emotional about it. We had been on and off talking/ hanging out/ calling each other baby trying to work on things until we got into an argument and things changed. We hadn’t really had contact for a week until I called him 2 days ago but he said he wasn’t ready to talk but he loves me. I sent him a text message that he read but never responded to. My mom ended up texting him asking how he is and he went into how he misses the family and he feels empty but the relationship was unhealthy and he wants me to move on. My mom told him I was crying and it would be a good idea to listen to what i have to say and to tell me if its done or not. He called me last night and asked if i was ok and I said I was fine. We ended talking for around 30 minutes and were reminiscing/ I was telling him how I deleted my social media and what not, trying to show him that I have done things to change. He kept going back to the fact things were unhealthy and said I should move on and how he doesn’t want me to wait a year or 3 months for him to want to be in a relationship with me again. I asked him if it was over and he said yes. Afterwards he was asking me why it has to be like this and kept saying how much he misses me. i told him goodbye and there was a silence so I hung up and he called back and left a voicemail saying how its not “Patrick” its “Chachick” (which is a nickname I gave him) since I hung up before he could say goodbye, he said goodbye and that he loves me, which is confusing. He admitted he has been having dreams about me lately and said I could call him whenever. Last night I had a dream about him and i called at 5:30 and left a voicemail crying saying that I just had a dream about him and he has yet to contact me. He is also turning 21 october 5th and is planning to go to Vegas with his friends/go to strip clubs/ whatnot. He wasn’t emotional on the phone at all and i know he’s been drinking a lot, doing xanex, talking to other girls…etc. Do you think the after break up depression already hit him when he was texting me earlier on wanting to see me and work on things or do you think he hasn’t had a chance to realize what he’s lost? I mean, I supported everything he did. I bought him sushi at least once a week, he practically lived at my house, cooked him meals, was there for him emotionally..the only thing was is we argued..a lot. When I met him, he didn’t drive, dropped out of high school, had a DUI on his record. I had him get his diploma and start college. I pushed for his license but drove everywhere in the beginning because he was unable to. Do you think he will start remembering and missing these things once his birthday passes and the female situations aren’t the same way we were? Do you think he will eventually want everything back or do you think he is done? I really need your advise, I haven’t been able to go a day without crying in a month and I feel like getting a second opinion will help me with closure. Do you think he is using partying and drinking as a distraction? Do you feel like theres no chance? What do I do.
Marie

September 6, 2015 at 1:57 pm

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and have been living together for a year and a half. He broke up with me 7 months ago. He started dating this new girl 2 months ago. She basically threw herself at him, and he took her. My ex and I are very close still and I know he still has feelings for me. I know this new girlfriend and him are not going to last so I am waiting for him because I feel he is worth it. He broke up with me because he said that he did not have feelings for me anymore which i think was a lame excuse, he also said that I was annoying. I have actually changed myself so that I do not annoy him anymore. I am going away for 2 weeks to care for my grandma, I just hope that 2 weeks is long enough for him to realize that I am better for him then this other girl. She is the opposite of the type he usually dates, i honestly think he is just having a fling but she has got him by the balls, he runs after her all the time. This is not usually the way he acts. Then I am nervous because his girlfriend is staying with us for 2 weeks sometime next month until she moves into her new place, she has nowhere else to go. He did actually ask me what I thought of her staying, I said I was not comfortable with it but I would not want to see anyone out on the streets. He promised me that they would not show affection in front of me but I do not trust her at all. Neither of his parents, sister or grandfather approve of her and he knows this, i think he is starting to think about things. Do you have an tips that would help me with this situation?

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