What Is It That Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?

517 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?”

Brenda

September 29, 2014 at 2:03 am

Hi Chris! I need your advice. So, its been about a month and a half since my ex of 4 years stopped talking to me. 2months since we’ve seen each other face to face. I did an initial NC for about a month then I contacted him and told him that i wanted to make things better and that i missed him and that i loved him and we went back and forth and then finally he said that he “doesn’t do the whole love thing” anymore. and then i did not text him back after that. then a week later he texted me asking for answers about things from the past. and he said that he was confused bc i seemed like i was serious and actually meant it when i told him i loved him and he was just confused. and then i responded and told him that it wasnt fair for him to put everything on me bc he made mistakes as well and then he didnt respond back. and then a week and a half/ 2 weeks later i texted him on his brothers birthday to reach out bc his brother died last year and i was there for him and was a big part of his life then and i just wanted to reach out. and he replied saying that he was sorry for not responding sooner he was introuble with something and that he felt alot better bc i reached out and he knew that the sentiment came from the heart and that i was awesome for that. and then said thank you and i hoped everything was okay. he didnt respond after that and so my friend had mentioned to me that another one of my friends spoke to him and i got brought up and he said that he wasnt focuse don me right now bc he was dealing with stuff and that “that ship has sailed” but i have no way of knowing if any of that was true or whatever else there was to the story bc my friend that spoke to him has yet to even tell me she spoke to him which i think is weird. so its been 2weeks then and last night was our universities homecoming and we had seen eachother and he hugged me and asked how my family was and how i was and then kept hugging me over and over and told me he missed me alot of times. and that there was no animosity towards eachother.. and kept holding me. then we ended up dancing together and he just wouldnt let me go. and was just all over me and he was being cute and doing little things that used to be our inside jokes. and he just kept being around me and staring at me the whole night and was all over me i dont know what to think. no he hasnt contacted me since so should i just not take anything that he did or said to heart? I still have feelings for him so I just want to know if there is any hope at all? and what to do.. thank you so much Chris!!!
Paula

September 26, 2014 at 4:50 pm

Hi Chris,

I need your help, I am separate of my husband but we spend a lot time together at least he all the time at my place and he said he just want to be friends since July, we did bad things to each other in the past few months that hurt both of us and sometimes he got confuse and look in my phone to see what I have been up too without I know, he just tell me after we have a fight, I asked him to give us a change to start over because all the time we are together and sometimes he slept at home but nothing happen with us, no kiss nothing just sometimes I hug him when i sleep, he knows I am all the time here for him any problem he has he talks to me about that, not with his family or close friend, he trust me, I found our few days ago he was talking to a girl online and they tried meet and it didn’t work out since she lives in other country after that I got really upset and said he has to choose who is more important in his life me or her because I can’t keep doing it since I still love him. He sent me a txt saying I don’t know what to say, I don’t want to hurt you, you are a important person for me, be patience. What does that mean?!? Be patient?!? He sound so confuse about us, I really don’t know what to do. Please help me

Paula

September 26, 2014 at 7:50 pm

He said ” be patiente with me ” in the end of his txt…

jade

September 21, 2014 at 9:45 am

My boyfriend says our mentalities don’t match so we need to stop it here and look out for a lives .I promised him not to contact him anymore.I even tired the NC for 8 months but there was no use.he says he didn’t try to call me becoz I may get disturbed. I love him but he says we are not correct for each other.will silence and getting a good carrer make a diff
Lois M

September 17, 2014 at 11:40 pm

Is there a section on what to do when he (a) thinks you’ve insulted his culture (when you actually just commented on it, and think it is quite good), oh yes, and (b) is a raving racist against your culture!
I saw that from his FB posts before we met, so how anything ever developed…. I don’t know. But it did and at a point we both said we loved each other. I think I loved him more, he’s so talented and admirable in many ways that I even wondered how he could like me…
But then we had a fight. A few things led up to it, mostly that I felt I wasn’t really getting the attention i wanted, but it was all basically okay, but then, maybe just to get a response I said so,etching about how I don’t like that his family are always checking up on him (that’s his culture. And somehow that turned into a massive fight about me offending and having issues with his culture and his religion, and “I won’t speak to you again. Ever”
And ipthe next day I went into no contact. Today is day ten, I should be reconsidering why on earth I am still interested today he posted an offensive comment about the culture I am from. Very offensive.
Truth is I like his culture, except for the hate he and so many if his people have for mine.

admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:41 pm

No theres not… Might be worth writing about though.

Have you told him your feelings on his culture?
Lois M

September 17, 2014 at 11:52 pm

I am doing the no contact thing. Really working on that. And although I wanted to publicly post something in reply to the offensive comment …. Well I didn’t.

Maybe after 30 days I will have some perspective. And just see that this is not a good thing.

Thank you so much for this page. It is the voice of reason when we really need it.
admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:43 pm

Good luck Lois… what are you doing during NC to improve?

k94

September 16, 2014 at 9:32 am

How to become an UG when you have been broken up for close to a year? And when you only have social media as well
well.
also, if the opportunity comes along and you feel like you should be living your life, is getting into a new relationship with someone else damaging to ever getting back with your ex? We have both stayed single for nearly a year so if I’m the first to enter a new relationship, how would that effect the ties with an ex?
Melanie

September 12, 2014 at 2:44 pm

Hey Chris,
So this is my story. I met this guy and we began to date. However, we both were worried about it going too fast so we decided to slow it down. That worked well for a few weeks as we became friends and slowly became more like a couple again then one night we talked. I asked him if he wanted to make it official and he asked for time to think. I found out later that he had told his roommates that day that he was going to make it official between us. After that week, things became different. We agreed that night that while he was waiting we would try to go back to be friends again, but that did mean cutting off a lot of the physical contact and for me that cut off a lot of the emotional contact as well since I was not quite sure how to act around him. There were mixed signals from him and one day I asked him where we stood and that I was confused by him. A few days later, we talked and he broke it off, telling me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. So in all, it was about seven weeks long, and I had fallen in love with him. After, we broke it off, I did not text him until a week after, when some of my friends who lived in the same apartment as him invited me to go come watch a game with them. I texted him asking if that was okay, and he said it was. I went over and watched the game and he spent the entire time in his room. I hadn’t talked to him since then which was six weeks ago until last Sunday when I saw that there was some tragedy in his family. I didn’t know what it was but I texted him and told him I was praying for him and if he needed anything to please let me know. He texted back saying thanks and he would. I haven’t contact him since. Now we’re both back at college and I still want him back. It’s been seven weeks since I’ve seen him and next I am going to see him most likely is on Sunday at church. What should I do? Is it too late for me to get the Ex Recovery? Please help me win him back.
Nicole

September 6, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Like many others, I discovered your site after my boyfriend broke up with me Last week. I am religiously adhering to the no contact rule and have committed not to contact him for at least 30 days. I have read most of the pages on your site but haven’t found one that addresses my situation.

My ex and I had been friends for 3+years, dating for 9 months and come from very similar backgrounds. He broke up with me because he was offered a job that requires a very intensive, several month training program then he most likely will be sent overseas for 2 years at a time. He said he needed to be alone through this process, he wasn’t sure we had a future together and he didn’t want to string me along. We hadn’t been arguing or fighting and the break up conversation was calm.

I know he cares for me but even with doing NC, is there even a chance he will change his mind about having a future together?

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm

I think theres a good chance. I am glad you two were both calm towards the end of your relationship.

filledoux

September 2, 2014 at 4:46 am

What if he said he wants me back because he still loves me and promises to be faithful? This is after a rebound girlfriend of 9 months? Would that be reason enough to take him back?

admin

September 2, 2014 at 2:30 pm

He wasn’t so faithful if he went on the rebound after telling you he wouldnt…

marggie

August 26, 2014 at 8:44 am

Hey Chris,
We’ve been together for 13 months, the last month and a bit it was really shit because he wanted to leave saying that he doesn’t love me anymore, i’m not worth it etc. We broke up almost two months ago. I did do the no contact thing, I never contacted him but he keeps contacting me and I can’t help myself not to reply. On the 12th day of no contact he texted me and we talked, 7 days after that he talked to me again and two days after that he told me the truth that he loves, he wants me but he can’t come back because of his girl best friends and also because of his pride. He asked if he’s back just because he wants sex, he said he’s not back just for sex, he’s back because he misses me, he misses everything. We started seeing each other again after that for a bit, and he still texts me asking how I am, how’s my day and everything.. when i ask how he is he only says he’s fine. What should I do to get him back?

Sent from Yahoo! Mail for Windows 8
Stacey

August 11, 2014 at 9:59 pm

Hey chris, its been around 3 months since the break up with my bf of two years. I spent the first couple months on self improvement/ regaining friends/ getting back to old hobbies, working on being the UG ect. And after the first month i decided that maybe i didnt want him back so I never broke NC mainly because im stubborn and couldnt figure out what to send. I had to message him yesterday because mail showed up at my place for him and seeing him brought back all the feelings that i was pushing away. Id like to break NC but i feel after three months of NC that its pretty late in the game and i have no idea what to say to him. More importantly i have no idea if he wants me back or still has interest i mean its been three months. Hes probably moved on and forgotten i was ever a thing in his life. IDo you think theres still a chance hes into me after three months apart? And if i break NC what do i say after three months of not talking to him?

admin

August 12, 2014 at 12:16 pm

You need a really good first contact text message to send. I’d use the time right now to start thinking of one.
Stacey

August 18, 2014 at 7:54 pm

I read your article on first contact and messages thatre ok to send but i dont feel like any of them suit my situation. What you you recommend as a first contact message after so long? I feel like “youll never guess what just happened” and “i just thought of you” arent exactly something id send after three months of not talking to someone.

Kanne

August 5, 2014 at 11:47 pm

Last month I tried contacting my ex on two different occasions with no response which is not typical of him. I decided to say “sorry I won’t bother you anymore and wish you the best “. He saw it. No respnse. I am tempted to try again over a month later but do not want to come across as crazy. Should I just let it go or try again. I miss him so much it hurts. He knows I wanted to try again months ago.

admin

August 6, 2014 at 2:41 pm

I say let him come to you.

Trina

July 25, 2014 at 7:59 pm

I was wondering what your thoughts are about this. My ex wanted to be “friends” after he broke up with me, he told me that he didn’t want to lose me and to “never f***ing say goodbye”

I told him I couldn’t be his friend and I didn’t know what else to say, and then I went NC.

Before I went NC, my ex wanted to have dinner with me but I told him I wasn’t ready for that.

Now It’s been about two months since our breakup and I started texting him about three weeks ago. He almost always responds in a neutral, sometimes positive way, but doesn’t seem to have any desire to see me.

Any idea what might be going on in his head?

admin

July 28, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Youve been in NC for 2 months?
Trina

July 28, 2014 at 9:37 pm

No, I was in NC for 30 days, texting for about 3 weeks since that time.

Before NC though he wanted to see me. Now he sends mostly neutral responses and shows little real interest.

He didn’t contact me during NC either.

Michelle

July 24, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Hi there, so I did no contact and it worked, my ex misses me and kept reaching out to me during no contact, then at the end I finally contacted him and we met up and had a good talk. Long story short he wants to be friends and rekindle the friendship we had when we started dating four years ago and doesn’t want to necessarily date anyone else. I told him my fear of him leading me on or something, and he said no that he wanted to talk and hang out a bit (slowly and day by day to get back to that loving friendship based relationship.) My question is, how do I act as a good friend without pushing him, but remaining close enough to almost restart this relationship? Is there an article you’ve written or a simple answer you can provide? My goal is to be the friend he needs, in turn making him fall in love again, and myself fall in love with him again. (We both love each other still but loving and being in love are two different things.)

admin

July 25, 2014 at 2:14 pm

Just don’t fall into the FWB trap.
Michelle

July 25, 2014 at 3:11 pm

Exactly. We already know that there’s no fooling around or sex unless we are together we are understanding on that part. What is the next step to recovering this relationship? Do I give him space, and not be a text nazi, which I’ve been doing (space) or should I remind him that I’m here for him or what. I don’t want to fall in the Friendzone and I have been doing a good job at not accepting friendzone as an ultimate, but I do feel we would benefit from learning how to become friends again.
admin

July 28, 2014 at 1:46 pm

Definitely don’t be a text Nazi. I think little reminders here and there after NC can’t hurt though.

Sarah

July 2, 2014 at 9:19 pm

I went to see my ex to collect a ring i left. My boyfriend saw the text on my phone after i backed up my phone to his laptop and has now dumped me the day after via text. prior to this he found out about me dating him BEFORE we met, we had a thing where we opened up about ex’s but i left my ex out. not mentioning him. he forgave me and said that he’s willing to give me another chance as priopr a girl had lied to him and he decided to leave her. now that he’s seen the text which basically apologised for being late to pick the ring up ( the text says nothing about the ring ) it says sorry for being late in which he replied its kl you have really bad time management. he wants nothing to do with me said he will move on and that he will not talk to me ever again. he also said when I’m ready to come and get my stuff he will leave them by the door. i begged him via text he didn’t want to hear it. i called and called he didn’t answer ( this is before discovering the NC ) so the next day i saw this and I’m not a day into my nc my question is do i wait for him to say come get ur stuff? i can’t think of losing him
Anonymous

July 1, 2014 at 11:14 pm

In December my ex boyfriend broke up with me. On Christmas eve, through Facebook, I found out it was because he had been cheating with a girl he has continued to be in a relationship since. She’s pretty much my dichotomy; blonde, more selfies than Kim Kardashian, rude, controlling, no emphasis on education etc. About a month ago I started an internship only to find she works in the company next to mine. I’m not really too bothered, I was over the relationship a while ago and have followed your advice and moved on. We cross paths and she either smirks or scowls. Recently, I went on holiday with a mutual friend with my ex boyfriend and my Facebook was pretty active. I’ve just seen that he’s deleted me off Facebook and was wondering why? I’m in no way shape or form in contact with him so why now?

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:59 am

Ok, my first question to you is why do you want him back if he would cheat on you with someone like that??
Anonymous

July 1, 2014 at 11:15 pm

*of my ex boyfriend haha massive typo

Amy

June 30, 2014 at 1:53 am

I just wonder why did he change for the better? Why mutual friends has to inform me about his situation? Is it a bait for me to contact him? When I changed numbers he hasn’t contacted me yet. I’m just confused.

admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:50 pm

Does he know you changed your number?
Amy

July 1, 2014 at 4:09 am

I had two numbers which I lost at the same time. I never intend to get his attention. I don’t even post on fb. I don’t mention his name. I keep cool when friends talk about him. I talk only good things. He became different because his attitude is way different from his original attitude. I wonder if this is what…his friends worry and so do i. I wonder why they have to inform me. I have a very high self respect but I still have strong feelings for the person.
Amy

July 1, 2014 at 2:01 am

Hi Chris! thank you for the reply. I think he knows it. We have mutual friends. Changing numbers is not my intention.

Amy

June 30, 2014 at 1:28 am

Chris, thank you so much for the reply.
Rihannon

June 29, 2014 at 9:29 pm

My boyfriend of two and half years broke up with me and needless to say it has left me devastated, depressed, angry and hurt etc. I started viewing websites like this only a week ago out of obvious desperation to see if it would be possible to get him back. When we broke up I immediately implemented NC (bear in mind I only discovered this website I week ago, so NC was something I thought would be the appropriate thing to do) unfortunately he would text me to say I hope your ok, sorry I had to do this, where are you going to stay (we lived together and I left his house after only four days despite him offering to leave and stay with friends for as long as I needed to find a new place). I tried to remain firm that we did not need a conversation to continue in this vein, but he persisted in texting me. He texts me and says “I hope you don’t do anything spiteful coz that would hurt me, I hope we can be friends, I want to talk to you, I want to get all the emotions out the way now so that I’m not still heartbroken another month from now, I want to remember what we had rather than dwelling on the arguments, we both need to move on but cutting you out like this feels inhumane” and the texts that opens the floodgate of anger and desperate begging ” you are a good person, funny, intelligent, sweet, sharp, and mature. At first this provoked anger and frustration that he would say this but still reject me. The next day I asked to see him for drinks (totally unaware of the danger I was walking into mixing booze with feelings of hurt and desperation etc, you can imagine the scenario, I cried publicly and poured out my feelings to him, I cried, but we laughed and acted like friends again by the end of the night, in fact right before he left we kissed but didn’t go home together. The next day it was a bit of a blur and I was left confused, a couple of days later(the last time I saw him in person)went back to his to get some stuff and we had a chat and I said I don’t want to lose you but that we need to find our own lives again and gain some independence grow up a little bit more and that he won’t make promises, he doesn’t know what the future holds. Again I give him a hug and tell him I love him and he says it back (you can imagine my confusion), I made a joke about joining a dating website my friends forced me to join and how I was talking to a guy with a particular interest my ex is passionate about as we’re leaving his house and turns and shoots me a vicious look and says “what you do with your life is now your business” but I said I love him and we say goodbye. A few days later he tells me to live my life as a single woman and that he won’t get in my way, over a period of a couple if weeks we exchange a few texts but he keeps saying things like glad to see your having fun, living your life, seeing your friends, I still miss you but I keep reminding myself that this is for the best, I feel like seeing you would be hard for me, Facebook makes it seem like your having a good time and I’m happy to see that(obviously made sure that I looked good and was partying with friends for his attention) I still think of you regularly and I hope life is getting better for me… So I move my stuff out of his place a few days ago but right before I did it I sent him a text regarding a necklace he gave me saying, that he can do whatever he wants with it, sell it, put it in the trash, give it to his next gf, and he obviously doesn’t respond. In fact the last time I saw him in person he offered it back to me, insisted I keep it and even put it on, but I took it off and said I cannot wear a physical reminder of how much I love you and how hurt I am that you have broken up with me. Anyway the bottom line of my dilemma is that I am gonna do NC, which I actually started a week ago, and I will not contact him for a little while longer than 30 days but I’m scared that my last message came off as too angry and that he won’t want to bother with me when I do try and get him back because I’m just an angry woman who will never forgive him. And also what is he really saying here, coz he sounds confused and mixed up and I can’t quite tell which side he’s leaning towards, that he still has feelings strong enough to get back with after a long break or is he a lost cause, also I’m not planning on speaking to him for another 3 months, I’ve planned a holiday with friends to somewhere we’ve both been before and loved( by coincidence this destination was suggested and me and friends had been planning on going since university so I fully agreed to it)I was gonna ask for directions and obviously post loads of pics on fb so not only does he get the text he gets the visuals as well, but I’m scared three months is too long and that he might move on, but will he considering it sounds like he still has strong feelings?

admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:35 pm

Why another 3 months? Why not just another month?
Rihannon

June 30, 2014 at 9:55 pm

Idk…. As much as I want him back I feel like I wouldn’t be ready in a month, it’s worth a try but if I feel like I do now in a months time, I have a feeling I will still feel like this, then it would be the same devastation all over again if he decides to just be friends with me, I would rather be ignored then be the friend… I know it takes time and I do have to be his friend before I can be more, I feel like I do need to give him space and that I need to let go of my anger so that if he does text me back I don’t feel so infuriated when he asks me if I’m ok, how’s life, hope your having fun! Plus he’s going away for all of August and I’m not sure whether I can use that to my advantage in any way.

Amy

June 27, 2014 at 3:24 am

The person’s behavior change during my NC. I initiated it because I he told me he isn’t ready to commit. I also had to detach my emotions from him though he tried to reach out. I ignored for more than a year. Now, mutual friends say he became completely different and always appear sad. Shall I contact the person

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm

If you feel you are ready for it!

loveconfused

June 26, 2014 at 2:39 am

Hey Chris !! Ok I was jus wondering dis coz I Don think u have spoken anything bout dis ..ok so my long term bf (5yrs) broke up 2 months back ..he still talks to me n currently I’m avoiding ..he is away from home n will be comin back next week n since he really loves football
.. fifa he has been missing out all d matches ..I had dis idea to give him cds of some of d matches n arsenals fa cup win ..so my question is it ok to give him gifts ?? Like I’m not spending or anything so it’s not like buying him back n thought I’ll jus drop it off at his place with his sis n she ‘ll give it to him wen he is back .. so is it ok ?

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:33 pm

I wouldn’t… thants breakign NC.
loveconfused

June 26, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Ah no I complete my nc July 9th ..so after ddat ?? Like he gonna be comin around 15th ..u suggest not to gifts at all till I’m back with him ?

« Previous 1 … 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

517 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?”