In todays post I’m going to show you what not to do after a breakup if you want your ex back.
In fact:
You’re going to learn that almost all of the mistakes are on extreme ends of the spectrum – with one end being “I love you” and one end being “I hate you.”
More on that in a second though.
Let’s dive right in.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz7 Things You Should Never Do After A Breakup If You Want Him Back
The truth is that getting an ex back isn’t easy – if it was, I’d be out of business.
There are many strategies and Do’s for getting an ex back, but what about the Don’ts? It’s just as important, if not more important, for you to know and avoid the things that will harm your chances of getting your ex back.
So today, we’re going to go through the seven things you should not say or do after a breakup if you want your ex back. Before we jump into the nitty-gritty of what not to do after a breakup if you want to get back together with your ex.
Let’s look at seven things you should avoid if you want your ex back.
- Saying “Let’s Get Back Together”
- Doing Anything Interpreted As Begging
- Saying Anything Negative About Their Friends Or Family
- Talking About Hot Topics That Start A Fight
- Having An In-Depth Conversation With Their Best Friend
- Taking Flirting Too Far
- Saying “I Love You” Too Soon
Let’s take a look at each of these things.
Thing #1: Let’s Get Back Together
What’s so bad about being direct and asking to get back together?
Getting back together should be THEIR idea, not yours
You’re giving up your advantage – show, don’t tell
It’s not very Ungettable.
Have you seen or heard of the movie inception?
If not, the basic premise is implanting an idea into someone’s subconscious, so they think it was their idea all along.
The ex recovery process is basically you trying to subtly convince your ex that they want to get back together with you!
Your ex has to think getting back together is their idea because they’ll be more open to it that way. The best way to nudge them in the right direction is to show, don’t tell.
This means seeking out indirect ways to show your ex what you want instead of directly telling them.
Straight up telling your ex you want to get back together, especially if it’s too soon in the conversation, means losing any chance at being Ungettable.
I talk a lot about this “Ungettable” concept to the point where I’ve written an entire book called “Ungettable: Becoming The Woman Every Man Wants.”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNow I’m not gonna write a whole book in this article, so here’s a quick 101 on what being Ungettable means:
Ungettable is becoming the type of woman that every man wants, but no man thinks they can get. Ungettable women have this unnerving aura of confidence and charisma that lures men in.
Telling your ex you want them back is the exact opposite of that, so you definitely don’t want to do that after a breakup.
Thing #2: Anything That Can Be Interpreted As Begging
So we’ve been on record saying that a lot of the clients that come through our program have anxious attachment styles.
People with anxious attachment styles tend to build their entire identity around relationships.
Now that seems like a great thing when you’re in a relationship, but it can be a bit overbearing, especially when you leave the relationship and experience a deep loss of self.
When you don’t know who you are without a relationship to define you, you might end up begging for your ex back immediately after the breakup. I’m here to tell you that’s one of the worst things you could do if you want them back.
Unfortunately, it’s very common for people to indulge in begging-like behavior after breaking up, saying things like, “please don’t leave me, I promise I will change, and things will be different this time.”
All this kind of pleading does is reinforce your ex’s decision to break up with you if they left because they were turned off by your anxious attachment tendencies. They’ll just think that you’re the same anxious person they left, so there’s no logical reason to get back together.
Thing #3: Saying Anything Negative About Their Family Or Friends
This one is definitely based on a personal mistake that I now see repeated by several clients.
When I was 18 years old, I went through a general breakup where I didn’t really get along with my ex-girlfriend’s family and one specific friend.
I made the grave mistake of bad-mouthing my ex-girlfriend’s friends and family when I got back in touch with her. I said stuff like, “I don’t think your family gave me a fair shot.”, “I didn’t really like the way your dad handled that situation,” and “your friend was too nosy, and I didn’t appreciate that.”
I don’t really know what I was thinking when I said all this – maybe I thought she’d appreciate the honesty. But in truth, this pushed us further apart. No one really likes hearing negative things about their close friends or family, even if they know it to be true. So you should steer clear of spreading negativity about your ex’s sphere of influence.
Thing #4: Stay Away From Hot Topics That Will Start A Fight
This is probably one of the most common and intuitive mistakes we see people make throughout the ex recovery program. It is completely normal to want closure after a breakup, but one of the things you should definitely stay away from is any hot topic that can turn into a fight.
I know it’s tough to ignore old wounds and concerns when you haven’t resolved them but bringing them up will just make your ex withdraw from the conversation.
For example, let’s say that you and your ex got into fights all the time about your ex’s flirting habits, and this is just something that was never addressed and something you can’t help but bring up when you talk to them again.
What do you think will realistically happen if you bring it up? Will they sincerely reflect on their past actions and apologize?
Maybe, but probably not. Chances are they’ll shut down, and the conversation won’t go anywhere, or it’ll just sow the seeds for a future fight. That’s why it’s best to stay away from any hot topics when you’re trying to build rapport to get your ex back.
Thing #5: Having An In-Depth Conversation With Their Best Friend
Remember my breakup story from when I was 18 years old?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWell, I made another one of those mistakes you can make after a breakup if you want your ex back during that breakup. A couple of weeks after the breakup, I called my ex’s best friend to rant about the breakup.
Now these girls weren’t just casual high school best friends – no, they went WAY back and basically grew up together. I had a pretty decent friendship with the best friend, but it was nothing compared to her relationship with my ex.
I spent a couple hours venting about how unfairly my ex’s family treated me, how this other mutual friend always had it out for me, and how happy I was to be out of that situation. Now I had asked this person that none of this should get back to my ex, and she assured me that it won’t… guess what happened?
A few days later, my ex-girlfriend basically knew every single thing I said to her best friend. Ultimately, it was a dumb idea to vent to my ex’s best friend, thinking that it wouldn’t get back to her because I said some really mean things.
So if your ex ever sends their best friend to mediate between the two of you, don’t give them too much. Don’t be rude either but just brush them off with a classic “I’m not ready to talk about it just yet” so you don’t end up accidentally saying something you’d regret.
Thing #6: Taking Flirting Too Far
Recently I’ve been researching the “being there” method – our ex recovery technique for an ex back who has already moved on. I’m revamping an article I wrote about it, so I went through an old podcast interview with Coach Anna.
One of the topics that stood out to me was the concept of flirting and what happens if you or your ex takes flirting too far.
Flirting with your ex while trying to get them back is okay; in fact, it’s even recommended, but there’s definitely a thing as taking it too far:
- Okay level of flirting – “I miss you”, “I miss you too.”
- Taking flirting too far – “I love you.”
Anything too deep and emotionally vulnerable is out of acceptable realms of flirting when you’re trying to get your ex back, especially if it’s too soon.
Now how does this work with physical touch?
A lot of times when you’re flirting with your ex in person you’ll do light touches like a hug or touching each other’s hands – which is totally okay.
What’s not okay is anything from first base. Basically, if your ex tries to kiss you, you should pull away and say, “I don’t think we should be doing that right now.” The important part is that “right now” because it implies that you’ll be okay doing that at some point, but you are going to draw this line in the sand till you get a commitment.
Sometimes people get too excited if things are going exceptionally well with their ex, so they take flirting too far and end up sleeping with their ex. There’s a reason why friends with benefits is one of the most difficult situations to get an ex back from:
If your ex knows they can get all the emotional and physical commitment of a relationship without committing to you, they have no incentive to get back together.
Now let’s move on to the most obvious mistake people make after a breakup if they want their ex back…
Thing #7: Saying I Love You… Way Too Soon
We briefly touched on this in sign 6, but I want to focus on the timing aspect of this. Saying “I love you” basically means all your cards are on the table, and your ex has all the power.
This can either go really well or backfire on you.
Sometimes our clients want their exes back so bad that they rush the process, skip steps, and say I love you way too soon before they built out any kind of value.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIf you say I love you to an ex without building sufficient value or showing a significant change within yourself, your ex will not receive or reciprocate those words like you want them to.
Saying I love you in a rush after a few days of a breakup is monumentally different from saying it 4 months into the breakup after a successful no contact rule and gradually rebuilding your connection.
You want to give yourself the best chance of success, so do NOT jump something so emotional on your ex without considering the proper timing!
Conclusion:
Here’s a quick recap of the seven things you should never say or do after a breakup if you want your ex back:
- Don’t say, “Let’s get back together.”
- Don’t beg or plead
- Don’t say anything negative about their friends or family
- Don’t get into hot topics that can lead to fights
- Don’t vent to their best friend
- Don’t take flirting too far
- Don’t say “I love you” too soon
Lina
June 29, 2021 at 3:49 am
He broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I’ve already done all the things you’ve asked us not to do. He’s currently blocked me on all platforms. He made an account on bumble and I made a fake account and got to know that he wants soemthing casual. All signs say he’s completely done with me. We had a lot of fights and broke up 2-3 times in last couple of months and so I think I pushed him away and not he’s just so fucking done with me. What to do to get him back? I don’t even know if he’s with other women. I know for sure he doesn’t miss me and he hates me. I just wish I could erase 2-3 months for him and things wouldn’t be like this for us. I wouldn’t act so crazy
I really love him and want him back
QW
June 22, 2021 at 8:52 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago because he needs space to really work on some mental health issues. While we were talking about breaking up he said very honestly that I was the most amazing person he ever met and when I told him I loved him he said it back and held me close and cried. I know the most important thing is for him to get better. It is painful to navigate the feelings that come with this breakup.
One thing I keep obsessing over is whether or not to get my things back from him- they’re not important to me and he hasn’t asked for his things back either. I think it might be better for trying to get back together if I just leave them. And also less painful for me. I am already doing the no contact rule. What is your opinion about just leaving my stuff?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 3, 2021 at 9:13 pm
Hi QW if you do not want them back NOW then I would suggest waiting, and stick with NC and the program.
Karen Adam
June 16, 2021 at 6:52 pm
well I acted out of emotions yes and I immensely blocked him and unfriended him, I am so heartbroken now, we haven’t spoken since I have unblocked him I realised he didn’t block me but I also initially posted something on fb towards him and with all regrets I don’t think he will ever re consider making up
I will not msg him or call I am leaving things as is in thr hope he will reach out
T
February 22, 2021 at 5:00 pm
After a year of wonderful weekends together (he lives a few hours away) my boyfriend started spending more time with his ex and their child (both facetime and in person). I would have nothing more than he be a part of his child’s life but when I notice growing distance on my side as he is getting closer to her, it hurts. I tried getting him to communicate with me when he would be hanging out with her but he refuses and it has caused several arguments. To be clear, the problem is his lack of communication, not his spending time with hi ex-wife or child.
Finally after an argument where I told him I thought we were finally getting to a good place he responded with “are things ever really good with us” (or something along those lines) and I ended it. I packed my belongings and drove home, deactivated my Facebook account and haven’t contacted him
I really want to work things out and I know he didn’t mean what he said in the heat of the moment because things are usually good. I am just not sure how to proceed.
Tami
February 2, 2021 at 12:20 pm
We were in a 3 year relationship and living together. He moved out and broke up with me 2 days ago. He told me he cares about me and that he was happy in the past but not now. With COVID and other things going on in his life I know I’m not the only reason he’s unhappy. But I do know that we’ve probably become to comfortable and I was probably too clingy. I’m so confused because he’s been so affectionate especially this past month when he was planning on leaving. Does that mean he was second guessing his decision. Does that mean we have even a slight chance of working this out? We decided to talk in one month about what happened but he said he would feel the same way. I’m his best friend and he’s my best friend and I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I’m feeling horrible right now, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and all I feel is numb. I just want to go back but I know the only way to go is forward. All I want to know if there’s a chance this isn’t the end. I know I need to do no contact but the only person I want to talk to right now is him. After he left he accidentally liked a picture of us on Instagram so I know he’s hurting too. I know he doesn’t think we will get back together but why was he acting so loving then right up until he did it? Why is he looking back at the times we were both happy? If we don’t get back together how long will this pain last? If we do get back together how do I make that happen?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 7, 2021 at 9:36 pm
Hi Tami for your best chance of getting your ex back, following each step of the program is key. The information on this website is there to help you with each stage, starting with a No Contact and working on yourself.
Shavonne Terry
December 23, 2020 at 4:45 am
Since the break up I have been trying cope with all of the above things you said . Everyone of them are examples of what I’m feeling.
Guera
December 2, 2020 at 12:23 am
Me and my childrens father have been in a very toxic relationship on and off for over a year. He hasnt been there for my son who is now 2 months old at all and not during my pregnancy. After i had the baby i allowed him to see me once and a while to have relations like an idiot. Knowing i had no support from him. I became obsessive with being back with him and did quite few crazy things around him and our group of friends. I officially took the step to back away and try to get over him. Do you think he will ever reach out again? Do you think he will ever be a dad or always worry constantly about me and what i am doing and who i am with?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 2, 2020 at 5:11 pm
Hi Guera, I cannot tell you what he will do I am sorry – but you can focus on yourself, getting over him and living your life as a good mother. Keep that door open for him to contact you about your son and wanting to be a dad. If he does not make the effort you should not chase or force him to be. Just be honest with your child when they are older that he chose to walk away from his responsibilities
Loreitha Floyd Johnson
November 18, 2020 at 9:24 pm
I Still love my ex we broke up last year but have contact with each other off and on. He’s been seeing other women since our breakup .Just the other night he texted me and asked wyd I didn’t respond because I didn’t see text until next day. I texted back and told him I was out with friends and didn’t see text because I had my other phone with me instead of that particular one. Anyway I was at home sleep but I wanted him to think I was out having fun and not sitting bored. I hate I didn’t see it that night he probably wanted to talk do you think he will contact me again. ? His mom and I are cool and so there’s good connection . I miss him and want him to reach out to me again.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 19, 2020 at 5:30 pm
Hi Loreitha yes it is likely that he will reach out to you again soon
Sarah
November 9, 2020 at 1:16 pm
Me and my boyfriend broke up a couple of days ago, he’s been in my life for about 3 years and we have the same friendship group. We’ve been on and off but we seem to always find our way back to each other. But this time it seems final because of the stuff he’s saying, I don’t know what to do. He says he still loves me but he doesn’t want us to make each other unhappy. When we’re together we have the best times, there’s so much love there still. I’m heartbroken at the thought of us never being boyfriend and girlfriend.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 9, 2020 at 7:49 pm
Hi Sarah, it is hard going through a break up but there is a reason that you keep breaking up and getting back together again. Spend some time working on yourself and try to work out why the break ups keep happening, and is he right that you both make each other unhappy? Be truthful with yourself as we often romanticize our relationships when we think they are over for good.
Amie
October 20, 2020 at 10:03 pm
Today is Tuesday. Friday night, my world ended. My bf left me.
We will call him Mark.
Mark is very broken. Goes back the past 12 years, give or take. So stubborn, he tried to heal on his own and refuses therapy or help. He never healed all the way, so he kept getting cheated on along the way and his last gf was a monster. Lying, cheating, manipulative. 1.5 years he lived in that torment and paranoia.
Fast forward to now. I was with him for a little over a year. For about the last 10 months, he got so engrossed with work, stocks, etc, but I got pushed to the wayside. No affection, no intimacy, I felt invisible. I was too afraid to talk to him about it because he already told me that he is just broken and he is giving me what he can. But he is aware that my needs weren’t being met. He felt guilty and hated seeing me unhappy, so he worked more to be away from me. For months.
about 2.5 months ago, I was messaging a friend of mine that I worked with a year ago…no chances of running into him or anything and we have no history. I know he is all talk and no game, so he was giving me verbal validation. In a span of about 8 weeks, I had maybe 3 text conversations with him, got to a PG level, but nothing more; no sexting, no lewd or even risque pics, nothing like that. I felt better about myself. I actually tried to hook him up with one of my friends. I told him I was going to work on my relationship and I’m not leaving Mark, I love him. I blocked the friend from all contact.
I don’t know why they did it or what they had to gain…a couple of us girls were talking about this guy when I was trying to hook the friend up with one of em. One of the girls decided to just out of the blue tell Mark about my having texted with the guy. Mark asked me about it, I told the truth as I have never lied to him or ever made him question his trust in me. He instantly broke up with me and told me he wants me to move out. He isn’t being pushy, telling me to pack, or anything. He told me about a day later that he was hurt and upset and understood why I did what I did, but he would never be with me because he doesn’t trust me.
Yesterday, he wanted to talk to me. He told me that his mind is set and we are over, that he is broken and never got healed, that he needs to do this all on his own…he said he wants to be single, live by himself, and get a fresh start and heal.
I hate walking around the same house as him right now because I am dying inside. He ignores me and locks himself in his room all day if he isn’t working or playing on his computer in the office. I have been praying hard, I love him, I want him back in my arms, I want this all to be just a nightmare…he won’t even look at me. But when he does, his voice is gentle, but like talking to a stranger. Killing me every day.
I feel like I have no hope here, my heart is beyond destroyed. He won’t get help, he won’t look at me, nothing. Any help here would be nice.
Becky
October 17, 2020 at 9:20 pm
Hi, my boyfriend dumped me 2 months ago after dating a year and had been goodfriends for 13 year. So I not only lost a boyfriend but also a dear friend. He came on very strong in the beginning. Talked of marriage and having a baby. I fell hard for him but as time when by he grew distant. He pulled away in March but came back around like nothing happened a week later. I spent about half my time at his house and I feel like it just became to much for him and he pulled away. I have been in no contact for 2 months. I have started drawing again. Something I haven’t done in 15 years. And I’m currently on vacation with my daughter. Im just not sure what to do next. I wonder daily when/if he will reach out and he never does. When do I move on? I would take him back today if I had the chance but the longer he stays away the more I think hes just not that interested anymore and I need to move on… please help
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 19, 2020 at 11:21 pm
Hey Becky, start your ebr journey with No Contact and work on yourself in that time, make sure that you do not fall back into the friendzone if he does try to befriend you again. Work on your Holy Trinity and make sure that you read articles and help you through each stage of the program
Liv
October 5, 2020 at 11:45 pm
Hi, I’m not sure how to go about this but I feel like I lost him forever and now I don’t know what to do. I’m the one that initiated the breakup thinking that it would make him chase me. Now before that we been having heavy tension and a fight because of something I posted on social Media and he didn’t approve. My ex boyfriend and I Been on and off for 5 years. We always bounced back from the tragic things in our relationship. We had the best bond and the relationship it was just recently that it got really ugly and just bad. Now I’m sitting here wondering what to do. I broke up with him 5 days ago and tried to talk with him today but he totally ignored me. I don’t know why but in my soul I don’t feel as devasted as I use to in my old breakups. I guess it’s because our love is strong and we always bounce back but I recently spoke with his friend and they told me his is numb and maybe tired of me. Not sure what to do. did I loose him forever ? Or is it just my thoughts that I need to fix? I wouldn’t say I am an emotional wreck because I love myself too much to put myself down. But I am sad about the whole situation.i just miss him deeply. how do i get through the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 15, 2020 at 7:21 pm
Hey Liv, it sounds as if you have falling into a bad pattern with your ex and just carried on through a relationship that needed some TLC and real care. Spend some time in no contact and reach out after 45 days, but use this time to work on yourself and figure out what it is you want from a relationship and how you can be truly happy (single) before getting back into a relationship with anyone
Grace
October 2, 2020 at 1:55 pm
Hey!
It’s been 5 months since the breakup. I’ve done several to probably even most mistakes. I let me anger run lose, asked to reconsider, etc.
I’ve also gone NC on my own accord as well. But considering I’ve done that several times I’m not sure if it’s still going to have any effect if I do it a 4th time.
The reason I went into NC was because of the post breakup fights we often had and they were quite heavy. Now I’m on speaking terms with him again and I feel like I’m able to restore and create a new friendship.
However, friendship is obviously not what I want at the end of the day. It’s also bugging me that he knows I still like him and I feel that decreases my chances if there are still any.
What’s the best course of action for my situation? Do I keep up a friendship to fix all the fights we had and have us have a better base friendship or do I go NC again (will it even be effective still)?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 2, 2020 at 9:31 pm
Hi Grace if you do not want a friendship with this ex then you need to take a step back and NC again 21 days would be acceptable as long as you do not tell him you are doing one. And then start following the program and the way Chris explains how to reach out and text your ex
Kristen
September 29, 2020 at 3:06 pm
I’m still broken since my breakup and its been over 6 months today nothing changes for me still broken as if it day one please help me understand how I’m still feeling like this
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 1, 2020 at 9:22 pm
Hi Kristen, a lot of people struggle to move past a break up especially when you do not have the right support behind you. Read about the Holy Trinity and how to improve your lifestyle and learn to be happy with yourself, make sure that you spend some time not focusing on your ex, focus on yourself for some time instead
M
September 16, 2020 at 9:32 am
My boyfriend ended things with me after almost a year and a half together. We have spent nearly every single day together over the last 5 months due to Covid and this has taken his toll. We were having stupid arguments and both of us were acting in ways we normally wouldn’t. Over the last few months when we would get into arguments he would threaten to leave and never did. This has affected my confidence and played on my mind and hasn’t allowed me to enjoy the relationship. We went away for the weekend and had an amazing time, he couldn’t tell me enough how he had fallen in love with me all over again and how much he loved me. When we got back we had a silly fight and he left. Packed all his stuff and said it was over. I have been so angry as I feel like he hasn’t given me the chance to speak or talk through things. I sent a few angry messages which were all blaming him, which didn’t go down well. He said I hadn’t given him space and that it just shows he made the right decision. I replied and said I was sorry that I was hurt and angry and would leave him to his space and he knew where I was if he wanted to talk. 2 days later he messaged me to ask how me and my kids were. I’m confused as he asked for space but then contacted me 2 days after I hadn’t been in contact.
Maria
June 18, 2020 at 6:57 am
Hi there,
So my boyfriend of almost 2 years ended our relationship last night. For a number of reasons and I’ll admit I’m a little confused on what to think. For reference I’m 19 and he is 5 years older so he does have more experience than I given that this was my first serious and well only relationship. He has an ex from when he was a teenager that he’s been in contact with for a while and I won’t deny that’s it’s caused me some paranoia and added to my anxiety. My partner was aware of this as I’d brought it up to him a few times and yesterday I made the regretful decision of having that conversation with her. I had been friendly with her via social media and she seemed like someone I could go to for advice so my intentions were just to get some reassurance and in a way put my worry to bed. Because of this, she felt uncomfortable to talk to my partner anymore and told him this which resulted in being ‘the push over the edge’ in his words, to why he chose to leave me. He told me over text and a call while crying that it is not because of her but because I was making it difficult for him to maintain the friendship and he does have issues with ex’s who were abusive so I believe this has caused him distress. He would like for us to stay on good terms and said that one day in the future who knows but that he thinks this is best for us right now. So currently we are going into no contact from today and then he said he’d send me a message at some point. I do take responsibility for my anxieties and feel awful for how I’ve caused him to feel but of course naturally, I am hurt too. This article has helped me so much, it is exactly what I needed to hear and I’ll definitely take into account the points and tips mentioned within!
Anna
May 25, 2020 at 2:58 am
Hi
My bf of 7 years broke up with me yesterday and I’m not sure if I should text him telling him how hurt I am and asking to meet up again when we are in the same state.
We get along very well and had a fun relationship. We recently had to do long distance due to work. He slept with someone else and initially was sorry and said he wants to be with me. But a few weeks later after I forgave him he said he’s seeing this girl and that we should break up. I’m devastated. We had a chat for about 30mins on the phone and FaceTime – but he couldn’t face me any longer and asked if we can talk the next day I instead.
I texted him saying no it’s ok I don’t need to talk further. I was pleasant – I told him I’m sad for the loss and I hope we will speak again on day or meet up if he’s back in the same state. Now I feel angry he didn’t give out relationship the breakup or closure it needed. I want to text him that and I want to ask him to meet up with me if he’s back in the same state. But I’m worried that would push him further away. I do want him back eventually. But not yet.
Mar
May 1, 2020 at 8:28 am
I just got broken up with someone I saw coming. Covid has made us hanging out mundane compare to our fun senior activities and he’s a person who reacts to what he feels more than what he sees in front of him. Boring and meh we’re how I made him feel so he gave up. I’ve talked to him before and had mental breakdowns I now realize are stupid and regret pushing him away doing that too much. I think he’s had these feelings before and he’s scared of giving it all because of past bad experiences where it all fades eventually. I wanna let him know changing his perspective and doing fun things with me is how to make it work again, but I doubt he realizes the perk of a relationship. I texted him all the day after he broke up with me asking for a chance after this was all over and not to give up on me. I think that was the wrong approach but I believed it was weird of him to get this way and really got terrified I lost him. He’s down to be a friend even if dating never works again, but I think I need to reasses my approach. As seen he’s annoyed by me because it’s mundane and not exciting. I will establish a no contact rule but how do I know how to break it when we must make a first move to text or hang out after this is done? I’m not sure if I seemed too clingy and want to say one more thing to throw him off. However he did ask me to stop repeating myself that he was going to try again and I believe we just need space. Should I text him I was dramatic and moving on or should I leave it at that and behind a no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 9, 2020 at 4:44 pm
Hi Mar, you need to leave it be and follow the No Contact rule
Jen
April 21, 2020 at 3:30 am
We met randomly sitting at a bar. We just started talking A little bit, both our friends left and we were there for another two hours just talking.We just Connected had so many interest and we’re looking for the same thing.He asked for my number and we went out on a second date a few days later. The second date was amazing just five hours flew by like we just got there. We were in a Relationship for two months it was a whirlwind! went to games concerts breweries. He was refreshing it was easy and effortless with him. He told me that I literally check off all the boxes that he’s been looking for we even talked about the future. he reassured me over and over again that he’s not going anywhere, I see us as a power couple, your wife material and get ready for the ride of your life. I put my wall down and loved like never before. A little about him he’s nine years younger than me married for 10 years has four kids divorced for year.marines 4yrs A month in I was getting overwhelmed because our relationship was on a fast track. I was having doubts because of my lifestyle change because I have no kids and my future a soon future would have four kids in it. I’m not afraid of the kids just a lifestyle change because my life has been come and go. change is scary We had a discussion about it and smooth things over and we’re on the same page. He even said the night after our conversation that he’s glad that we had that it’s feels good having open communication with you. Fast forward a month later everything was still going well and then he called me and said we need to talk, I can’t do this right now. His reasoning behind it because his kids are out of school now because of the COVID-19 so now getting home schooled he’s going to be filing for 50-50 and he said is not gonna be pretty And his kids are still going through the separation since the divorce. He said I can’t bring someone in their lives right now is not right I need to focus more on them. Your life is too different from mine, you want to travel and this and that I can’t do that I have to take care of my kids and put them through college. His kids are 10 9 5 &4. During that conversation I was very emotional It was a blur I was hurt and I just didn’t understand why.He broke my trust. He was pushing me away. He said look I couldn’t ask for a better relationship you’re an amazing person. But I just can’t do this right now. I can’t go back on it. I did send him a text 3 days after because I felt like I didn’t handle the conversation well I was crying, emotional and felt like I couldn’t get a word in edge wise. He made his Decision and that was it.The text pretty much I said I understand your situation That you need to focus on your kids and I respect that I understand your decision. I want you to know that I’m open arms to your life. I know my life is different from yours but my life never came to that. I wouldn’t date guys who had kids if I didn’t want that in my life.I hope everything works out well for you and your kids.
That was 3 wks ago I sent it and no contact since. Which I know we both need. I know I should wait for him to contact me but it’s so hard. What do you think of the situation? Because honestly I know it’s only been two months that’s probably the best two months of my life that I’ve experienced with someone. The feelings I had with him with him were indescribable.
Rae
April 15, 2020 at 10:19 pm
I broke up with him because for a while communication has been a problem. Last weekend we got into a horrible argument over a simple misunderstanding and he was pretty horrible. I tried to talk to him about things, I accepted and apologised for my part but he refused to accept he had done anything wrong.
I love him and I’m pretty certain he loves me too but I cannot be in a relationship where he wont admit when hes done something wrong.
I basically broke contact, told him I still loved him, and that if he decided to contact me I would respond.
I have been struggling not to contact him and have messaged him ‘How are you?’
I know this is probably wrong but I wanted to know how hes doing after my rather dramatic exit.
I dont want this to be forever but I’m not sure I know how to handle things
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 20, 2020 at 1:37 pm
Hi Rae, so you keep breaking NC hoping for a different outcome that isnt going to happen as you are not giving it time. You need to complete a 45 day NC and stick to it or you are going to fail. You basically told your ex that when he is ready you will be waiting for him this is not the impression you want to give an ex, you need them to think you are going to move on if they dont make the effort.