7 Things You Should NOT Do If You Want Your Ex Back

104 thoughts on “What Not To Do After A Breakup If You Want Him Back”

Julia

February 24, 2018 at 12:27 pm

My ex of 1,5 years broke up with me 1 week and a half ago for St.Valentines. That day everything was fine and we were talking about what to cook for dinner, 5 hours later he came to pick me up from work, he was crying, i thought something bad happened but he said that he was very sorry but had to break up with me. I could not understand anything, i was in shock, everything was fine some hours ago, so I cried, he cried…he said he had been thinking for a while and he can’t make me happy and give me what i need. After both crying for a while he started to ask me what i thought and how i was feeling but i was just in shock and could not say anything else than “i can’t believe it”. He also mentioned that we come from different worlds and it wouldn’t work (hes family is more wealthy but we have been together for more than a year and that has never been an issue). I tried to understand but nothing made sense, I was sad so I begged him to please reconsider, then I was angry and I just decided to leave with a “thank you for the best valentines ever, f*** you”
And that was it. We didn’t talk anymore until 3 days later when I wrote him to meet up in a few days, he said it is still to soon for him and it would be to emotional, he said he doesn’t want to lose contact with me but for now is too soon and we should meet next week (2 weeks after the break up),I told him that I have been thinking and I would like to have some explanations because I am still very confused. So he said that he also wants to talk about it but that is important that i understand that talking its not going to change the situation, because it was a very hard decision for him to make but he won’t change it. I said that i will not try to change his decisions that the only thing i want to do is talk and get some explanations. So we will meet next Thursday.
After all that, I have been thinking and reading a lot, even though I still dont understand all his reasons. His last relationship was with a friend and they were together for 8 months or so, he left her because he was not in love, he said. I have been the his longest and most serious relation, he has said that many times, he introduced me to the family and we traveled together. We never talked about children or marriage, we are still 29, but we had future plans for traveling and events together.
His parents had rough divorce when he was younger and since the beginning he had told me he has some issues with relationships. And now is where I see my mistakes, I did not pay attention to that and I went on with the relationship at my pace, without thinking i might have been pressuring him. He has lots of friends and is very close to his family, he likes to travel, and I like that about him, but since I don’t have that for myself I have become needy and made him my only focus. We always had the same fight, we never fought for anything else than his lack of attention to me, I was always upset and not happy when he was not with me and not paying attention. I know now that this might have been to overwhelming and frustrating and even more for a person who needs more time to develop his feelings. I didn’t bring balance into the relationship and now thats why he says he cant make me happy and give me what i need, because what i needed is not something i should need, i need to have other things in my live, not just a boyfriend. I ditched my friends when they wanted me to go out, I didn’t have fun if i wasn’t with him
And now that I thought about all that I wanted to talk to him next Thursday and explain to him what i think about what went wrong.
But last night I couldn’t help myself and I wrote it all down in an email. I wasn’t sure if it was just for me to have written somewhere so I could memorize it or to send it to him..in the end i was weak, and i sent it. I sent it with no expectations of a reply, because it was just an explanation of my point of view into what went wrong and how i need to improve myself and after I do that, with some time and patience we could together even happier than before.
Now of course he hasn’t replied, and I am not planning on writing him or contacting him until we see each other next week.
However, I am still in so much pain and confusion, I can not understand how all of a sudden he decided he didn’t want me in his life anymore but cried so much when doing it. I think about if he misses me, what is he doing, is he still sad, is he having fun?…I would like to have some advice into what should i do now when i see him next week, what can i expect from him since he already said he wont change his mind…
Thank you
Sarah Ann McGrath

February 23, 2018 at 10:35 pm

Hi, my long distance boyfriend decided to end things yesterday. We were already broken up, but now he just seems more distant and not wanting this. He said he wants different things, and we are very different people. He wants to apparently help me move on, but he said if I can’t, he’s going to stop talking to me, which is not my goal. He hasn’t blocked my number. He will ask me what I am doing and will talk friendly with me, but he said he does not want to talk about us AT ALL. He even said if I talk about us he’s just not going to respond. He said hopefully we will get back together but I only see my best friend in you. He said that we both want different things right now. He still talks to me though, and every time I tell him I have hope that it will work out he just blows it off and comments on something else I said, or just doesn’t respond at all. He said that he would love it if we were able to be together again, but also said there is a chance it won’t rekindle, which I’m hoping is a very slim chance. He told me today, the day after, that when I get a grip on my emotions and stop freaking out and crying, that he will start calling me again, once he starts to see progress. I do hope that by him saying progress that he’s subconsciously testing waters for a relationship. I received a summer job offer where he lives, and I still tell him that I’m excited to see him then, but he doesn’t reply or says something negative like let go. I told him I’m not giving up, but I understand that we need to work on each other. I just want to know if it’s realistic to try and rekindle our relationship. I do know for a fact he most likely won’t consider even talking about our relationship until the summer. Thanks 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 10:39 am

Hi Sarah,

have you tried our quiz?

Katie

February 21, 2018 at 2:35 pm

Hey, I split up with my boyfriend four days ago, having been together for two and a half years. We’ve been through a lot together which has really tested us as a couple. My anxiety and depression has been an issue lately and has caused a lot of arguments. I know that his decision to end our relationship wasn’t an easy one but he was tired of the arguments so felt like it was the only option. We have ended amicably however I want him back. I have realised a few things about myself during the break up that I think contributed to the arguments and I want to change that. At the moment I think all he sees is arguments. Since breaking up, we have been in contact only to arrange getting my stuff back, which I made sure was brief. I worry that I have lost him for good and the thought of that is unbearable. I know I need to enforce the no contact rule to not only concentrate on myself but to allow him time to reflect and miss what we had. I am just a little confused as I have read that the no contact rule consists of no social media posts etc. However I have also read a section that says to post pictures on social media portraying confidence and strength. Does that come after the no contact rule? I know right now I need to control my emotional outbursts and the intense urge to contact him. I am just finding it so difficult. Your help is appreciated!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2018 at 5:16 pm

Hi Katie,

It mean no negative or about the break up social media posts, no commenting back if he comments on your posts but be active in posting positive posts during and after nc

Jenn

February 20, 2018 at 7:49 pm

We were together for 3 years and he broke up with me a week ago saying he didn’t love me anymore (but I think it’s because we fought about how he doesn’t put effort into the relationship anymore). He’s been going through some tough times from not having money to having a bad sleeping habit that affects his daily life. It’s not that he needed to spend money on me, I just wanted to spend time with him because we only saw each other once a week. But I was always the one who drove to him (he recently moved 40 minutes away from me) and I wanted him to come to me sometimes. His excuse was that he had no money. So we fought about that, but we always made up and him promising to do better. Last week he was suppose to come hang with me but he never showed up and I called multiple times with no response (I knew it was his bad sleeping habit because once he’s asleep nothing wakes him up unless you physically shake him). I got mad in the heat of the moment and sent an angry text. He contacted my several hours later saying he didn’t love me anymore. I know it’s not true and I’m not being cheesy or naive. I know him and I know he just got tired of the fights. I gave him some time to cool off (couple days) and I called and “asked” if he could come back. He said no, not gonna happen. I was devastated because he’s my first love. I want him back but if that’s what he wants, I can’t change his mind (he’s stubborn sometimes). During the no contact (it’s been a week), I asked him for my things back. He texts me he would return them but every time he’s suppose to come to return it he “forgets”. He’s been doing this for a couple days now and yesterday he finally returned one item of mine and he said he would return the other things later. He also deleted our Instagram photos but keeps checking my Instagram stories even though I don’t check his. Does he still care? Do I still have a chance? I’ll give him space if he needs it but I don’t want to keep playing these “games” with him.
Kita

February 20, 2018 at 7:25 pm

A guy who is not “technically” my boyfriend but someone I was dating/talking to broke things off with me on Valentines Day after I popped up on him when he ignored my phone calls after saying and agreeing to spend time that evening. He says he fell asleep and that I overreacted. He feels I will only have a bigger blow up in the future and he does not want any parts of that. I am a continuous work in progress and I accept full responsibility and know that I should NOT have done what I did. We have plans to meet and talk later today. What do I say to win him back?.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2018 at 6:08 pm

Hi Kita,

How did it go?

Mackenzie

February 20, 2018 at 3:36 pm

We were together for three years. Recently he started school and moved. When that happened I was sad and angry that he didn’t want me to move with him and I held on to that. And for months I barely responded to his texts and was just so terrible. I regret it. But one day he had enough and said he wasnt happy and left. He had told his friends that he was emotionally drained and just couldn’t do it any more and he needed to focus on school. I have sent him a countless number of texts before realizing he had already blocked my number. So he hasnt gotten any of them. I feel like maybe if he had gotten them he would’ve changed his mind. I can’t accept the fact it’s over. I keep hoping he’ll come back. Its been over two weeks. Ive been trying to pretend I’m okay and keep busy.
Joy

February 20, 2018 at 6:31 am

After losing my first husband to an accident then my last one to cancer.. I stepped out again.. Im 49 My boyfriend (41) of 6 months decided overnight that he would back away for whatever reason I dont know. I had made a bit of a joke about leaving things at mine, “Im liable to send you packing” I would say .. I dont cope with it. But he left a lot in the end.
We usually saw each other mid week and on weekends at mine or his. I had received a good morning text every morning then this particular week they stopped, I asked if anything was up..his reply “I’m busy”. I would call to make conversation and every call was “I’ll call you back” and he never did on any calls. I knew he had kids and extra people and his ex’s sister and child.
Then on the Friday morning I text to see the plans for the weekend with all the kids.
His reply did not include me.. I was extremely hurt. That night I received a call from him .. he was very short.. a bit tense and tried to started to raise his voice.. He came at me saying that I told him I was busy and I wasnt seeing him on weekend.. . I reminded him I had said.. I wouldnt stay overnight with the foster kids I had .. Then I got ” I’ll call you back.” So I thought this time I will wait for the call.
I received a few texts though the day what he was doing. My replies were morning and night. Still no call. Then on the Sun evening I asked to talk in person and I will come visit after his kids all go home. First reply was no.. do it tomorrow. then I said I wanted to tonight. Then “NO I’ve been drinking” (His choice to give up New years day and I thought was doing well)
I replied I had talked to him drunk before.. I need to talk with him. This is all so out of character for him. Professing his love to my adult children just weeks before.
Then when the reply was “I wont be here” I got rather mad. I packed his things into his car and drove it to his house and arranged my daughter to pick me up.
It was a little irrational but I’m ADHD and do not handle rejection well.
I asked him to collect motorbikes the following week. .. It was a “its not you its me” and he didnt even say goodbye. Just drove off. Later that day he had a serious bike accident and was in hospital. I ended up in my local hospital with kidney failure the next day. I got a text to say I hope your feeling ok. (At that time we were still friends on FB)
A couple of weeks of asking and trying to talk.. few short replies of rejection.. and “its not you its me”. One night I arranged to go talk and grab my mower and chairs, perfume and shampoo. As I arrived he went inside on his crutches.. drunk .. ignored me totally . Looked straight through me at one point. His sister tried to keep me there, but I drove away. He called 5 mins later .. I said I would come back to talk. He said no. Then 8 days ago he text “Its over.. You made it clear by bringing my things back.”
I did reply that I still want to know what changed overnight, that he was preoccupied with every one else. Had he been with someone? that I loved him.. and I missed him and sent him a photo of the swing where we had our first kiss.
We have had no contact since. I deleted him and his family from my facebook and told family I didnt want to see him with anyone and I need to for my own healing. he has not deleted any of my children or my friends. He has been liking my daughters Instagram including a family one of me singing. I just do not understand. He was so in love with me.. sometimes too much.. telling my friends and my family.
A couple of my FB posts have been public.. about being strong. Its been easier to think of him being dead. At least I got closure then.
I figured day 30 is just before he takes the kids to a big bike thing. .. which unfortunately I was unable to attend in the first place. But then I am going to a gig this Sunday and noticed he has also expressed interest. It is an hour from his, but its my old stomping ground.
I dont want to run into him and a new girl.. and then my mind says maybe he will talk to me before then.. and ask me to go.. this is what we did together lots.
I am trying extremely hard to let go. I met another guy like you suggested but keep thinking of mine. We are just in small talk a few times a week.
Do I reply.. if he does want to talk to me this weekend? that will be nearly 14 days of no contact.
If I’m just dreaming that will happen, what do I text him? .. I was thinking more along the lines of hope you all have fun this weekend at Bikes. Drive safe. But thats a closure statement.
I just want him to tell me why. I have lost my trust in him now. I wont be jumping straight back into a relationship if that is what comes out of it. I need to protect myself and try hard to move slowly. But really I miss him so much it hurts.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 4:01 pm

Hi Joy,

it was just a week ago.. even though you met a new guy, of course you wouldn’t be able to move on from him instantly. Going out with other guys during nc is just for you to have fun and meet new people to practice how to flirt. If you met the right guy in it and becomes serious, then good for you. Focus in improving and healing yourself and starting a new routine during nc that you will continue to do so after nc while slowly building rapport.

Jackiet

February 20, 2018 at 5:34 am

Hi, I’m so happy i stumbled across this page, but not happy about why i had to..
On Valentine’s day My boyfriend decided we should take a break and see if we’re “suitable for each other”, because he might have rushed in to a relationship with me too soon.. i met him not long after i broke up with my previous ex, and while i was recovering and starting to be independent.. i met him. I believe that when i was the best version of myself, I attracted him into my life.. and i have never felt more happier when i was with him, it was almost as if my previous breakup has led me to this wonderful man and as cheesy as all this sounds, I believe that I’ve met my soulmate, i felt a love so deep, intense and passionate; i was on cloud 9.

We’ve been together for 4 months now.. and All of this has led me to become even more afraid of losing him, i became somewhat insecure despite his constant actions to prove me wrong- he would do everything and anything to make me feel happy, he would give me all the assurance i need. but from time to time my insecurities were built more and more from this, the idea and just the thought of losing him, being without him scares me so much i would bottle my feelings up and sometimes cry myself to sleep over something that didn’t happen.

he sensed that i was being distant and quiet for a while now, he had to force me to tell him what was wrong.. and when i told him everything- he was overwhelmed. He still tried to comfort me and gave me assurances but the next day he became cold and distant.. later he sent me a text saying how he felt, that what i said kept playing over and over in his head.
He apologised for rushing me into a relationship when I wasn’t ready, and that he’s sorry he couldn’t make me feel happy/secure, he felt like a failure and he felt helpless. But it isn’t what i was trying to imply! I was SO happy when i was with him to the point that I’m so afraid of losing him..

After that i sent him a long text about how sorry i am, that I don’t think something this small should come between us, and this was the first argument we had.

On Valentine’s day he told me we should take a break, that we should “keep in touch” and see if we’re really comfortable then get back together. But he hasn’t contacted me since, and he later unfollowed me on Instagram.

I’ve made my worst nightmare come true, i made him leave me.. I’m so heartbroken I don’t know what to do.. Ive decided to start NC, but he hasn’t contacted me either. can NC work on a short-term relationship? I’m trying my best to give him space, I’ve had many waves of sudden depression and urge to call/text him but reading this page is what stops me from doing it ..

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 3:28 pm

Hi Jackie,
He didn’t keep in touch, so you really are going to do nc. If he messages you, that means you’re not going to reply. Be active in improving yourself and in posting. Do 21-30 days.

Mya

February 20, 2018 at 5:23 am

Me and my bf split in December a week before Christmas. We met on tinder. When we met in August things were perfect. Then he ghosted me for a week and I went into a meltdown. I hadn’t dated anyone in almost 8 years prior to him because of a bad experience I had with my daughters father. I had been afraid all that time. So during that week of being ignored, I noticed I was blocked from calling/texting and instagram. I was hurt! But, he kept me on Snapchat and was watching all of my stories. I began to get infuriated by this because HOW DARE YOU?! I felt like why are you LETTING me know you’re ignoring me!? I began telling him how messed up he was and asked him why he was watching my moves. He never answered. So I took advantage of it and decided to be the best me that I could possibly be and without contacting him and posting my stories without a care in the world, he came back a week later. I wonder if it had anything to do with him seeing me happy without him. Lol. But because I missed him and saw a future with him, I gave in when he asked me to talk. A week after that we had sex for the first time. It was amazing. The sex of course, but I’m talking about the connection. It just felt right. So moving forward to when things started going downhill. I wasn’t working at the time so I was always available. About October he lost his car. It got towed and totaled so he needed rides to work. I offered, no problem. I started to think to myself, why am I not trying to take care of myself? So I got myself a job in the area he worked at and was still taking him to work while going to work myself. So things were great, then…. he gets laid off. His job relocated to Tucson and he was out of a job for about a month. He normally worked for amazon flex, but he didn’t have a car. So because he didn’t have credit cards, he asked if I could rent him a car but he’d give me the money for it. I only had 2 at the time that were maxed out so I applied for one and only got granted a $300 limit. He gave me the money and we got him the rental and I kept extending it as time went on. He had the car from the 29th of October to about the 28th of Nov. it was a bit confusing how they charged me for the rental because they would take a portion then put some back so I always thought each day was being paid for. Nope! They were authorizations! So when the 28th came, I got a $700 bill. He told me to dispute it and that likely the rental company would ignore the credit card company. So I did so and they removed the charge on my account. Since it was his money, I was sending it back to him. I thought everything was done. Nope! They said the charge still remains. That $700 came right back and then I was $1000 more in debt. So, I just told him I can’t help him with the rental anymore. He understood. So I would check on him and see how he was doing and find out he’s struggling to find a way to work. So of course my heart feels for him, so I offer. He was no longer working close to my job so now he was by my house. I would wake up SUPER early to go to his house to pick him up, drop my daughter off at her school, take him to work then go to work myself. Get off work, pick my daughter up, pick him up, take him home, then me and my baby go home. I WAS EXHAUSTED!!! I started to feel myself resenting him because I started becoming late to work while everyone else was on time getting where they needed to go. He decided to quit his job all because he couldn’t find transportation. I was so disappointed. He claims he didn’t have a choice and that it was his situation but even then, it was still a choice HE MADE. And it was a poor one. I got his xmas gifts and so did my mom and I was looking forward to the holiday. About 2 weeks from xmas I got a letter from the rental company about a moving violation. It was from when he did amazon. Mind you, the car was in my name but he was the sole driver. So I just shut down and decided to take a break from the relationship and told him he was inconsiderate and careless. I even returned all his xmas gifts. I basically was an exploding can of compressed air. He told me he was tired of me telling him we need a break so he decided to take the break. I was devastated because he then started to Remove me from social media. Luckily I had his email address, only because his iPhone stopped working, which I’ve also had to help him with as well. It still doesn’t work to this day. But anyway, when he deleted me from Snapchat (mind you, I’m still blocked on IG and we were never friends on fb) I panicked! But when I remembered I had his email address, I used that as a form of communication. Or fb messenger. Nothing got resolved and we never got back together but he wanted to be friends. I wasn’t totally sure if I was capable of it, so I said no at first. It seemed to have hurt him and it hurt me as well because I knew I just wanted to be around him at any cost. So I decided to be friends. It was tough at first but it grew on me. We would go to the movies and stuff but I caught myself getting choked up the night we said Jumanji. We hugged goodbye and it was one of those “I miss you” hugs. It wasn’t short and okay thanks bye. It was long and meaningful. I wanted to kiss him. I ended up emailing him when I got him and told him my feelings. He asked me why I didn’t kiss him. I simply told him “because I knew I couldn’t.” He just said “oh okay.” So that put into my head that it was for sure no chance of getting back together. I never gave out split much time or even ya time to be apart for that matter, and I always found myself wanting to go to his house or go out to eat. We were still having sex. Unprotected at that. So I was getting comfortable with us not being together because he relieved me by telling me we had a future together he just needed to clear his mess up. We really wanted to plan to get pregnant in April/May. He got a new job and luckily for him, it was the same building as the last job he quit. He was taking the bus and Lyft to work. Baby steps. So moving forward to now, things have been really awkward and short lived. He’s been ignoring me then when I get upset about it, he would tell me he felt like I was just saying things to get a reaction out of him. It really hurt me because I really just wanted to talk. I felt like he could’ve just responded with how he felt instead of being rude about it. It was not that big of a deal. So of course it would lead to arguments because I would get really sensitive behind it. I have recently offered to go half on a new phone for him, and I’ve doordashed him food to his job while I was at work because he was sick and didn’t have a lunch. I’m telling you, I cared about this man a lot! Only a week and a half later for him to decide this isn’t the relationship he saw himself wanting because of communication issues. He went back to saying he needs to figure his mess out and telling me I send him things to get a reaction. I found out I’m pregnant so I told him prior to getting confirmation that he may or may not be a dad. He never answered that email so when he complained about me trying to get a reaction, I just assumed he was referring to the pregnancy thing. First he says the in between isn’t good for either of us right now, to then saying I just say stuff to say them, then to saying it has nothing to do with anything I said, he just needs to be alone to figure his mess out. CONFUUUUUSED! So anyway, I respond to his emails of course and that was literally the last of our correspondence. I haven’t gotten a reply back or anything. I noticed he blocked my baking Instagram page that I never even followed him on. That was odd lol. But okay! So then I decide welp, this is over now, let me loiter tinder for some giggles. 4 left swipes in, his profile pops up. New pictures have been added that he took in December when we were still together and his tinder bio was updated saying he was looking for a travel buddy. Wtf does that mean!?!?! You had me, travel with me!!! Lol. Then I saw pics of him on a 15k website from December’s marathon running with some girl who was locking arms with him. It looked suspicious but I wasn’t sure. We were together still at the time and I had no idea he was doing this marathon considering he had no car. So, my moods kicked in and I confronted him via email. I Told him how I thought our whole relationship was a lie. After that email I sent another one saying I just needed to talk to him in person to talk about the baby and that I had results if he didn’t believe me in any case he thought I was just saying it to say it. No answer. I’ve tried adding him back on Snapchat a few months ago but he never added me back. So all we had was email and messenger. Just tonight I’ve been blocked entirely on fb after sending him a message saying I didn’t want anything and that I just wanted to make sure he’s doing okay. I honestly feel like he hates my guts. If he were to come back into my life like he did in the very beginning of our relationship, what should I do? I don’t want to feel or be stupid.

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 12:29 pm

Hi Mya,

check this one:
Using The No Contact Rule With Brad Browning

Kirsten

February 19, 2018 at 9:05 pm

Hey so my ex and I met around the time just before my matric farewell and I was in desperate need of a partner.so fortunately a week before my banquet he came to my rescue. The night was amazing he was a true gentleman and made it an unforgettable evening. Things did escalated due to intense chemistry and me having a few drinks in , he never drank though because he wanted to look after me that night anyways we kissed and got quite intimate but we never had sex being both virgins at that time. We daybreaked and spoke about our lives and just clicked so well being 19 at the time I had never connected so well wit someone and immediately my guard went up and I felt a sense of danger falling for this guy and even though ive had past relationships none amounted to the connection we shared that weekend. He texted me the next day confessing the same feelings and I told him I felt the same and telling him how scared I was to feel so deeply for him. and he said he felt the same. I started finals te week after and couldnt have any distractions but stop myself so even though we never saw eachother that entire month we spoke at every moment I had free since he was only going to study the following year we spoke on my time . Anyways he started posting pictures of me on instagram and facebook a few days after and I really felt as though his taking us seriously. We were a couple I guess you can say even though in one of our many conversations he expressed how on our many dates he would plan out a special one where he would ask me to be his girlfriend. Ifell head over heals inlove with him and told him I lovd him first over the phone and he responded happily about it but said he wants to tell me in peson that he loves me . I feel now as though me telling him that pressurized him to say it back but anyways once exams were over he came that weekend over to my place and I was so happy to be around him all my feeling towards him were just in heightened my parents took a great liking to him and actually allowed him to stay the night well my dad did which left me dubstruck concidering how overly protective he is. The the following week I went to his place and from our previous conversations we felt as though we wanted to break our virginities to one another . oh yes by then he did tell me he loved me.So it was an interesting experience concidering we both never knew really what we were doing but none the less eventually enjoyable. We seen eachother that weekend again at a party and the again in the week if I recall correctly. I met his mom and family and everything seemed to be progressing well for us. But then out of the blue I received a messaged saying we need to talk I immediately composed myself and for the life of mehad neve imagined what would follow soon after. He broke up wit me explaining to me how we were young and still had our whole lives to figure out and didn’t want either one of us getting in the way of what the other wants . I think that had something to do with me taking an interest in having a carreer as a flight attendant and him maybe feeling as thoug if ididnt do it for our relationship I would resent him after. Yeah so that was that I never got angry just explained that he should do what he feels is right and that I understood . I never wanted to let him stay out of guilt but because he wants to. I spent that night hysterically crying in tears . And just felt I needed closure from this and met up but I guess we never really cpould express how we felt towards eachother or atleast I didn’t know how to and landed up hookin up again. And that was that I seen him two weeks later at an event that everyone was going to and he just greeted me and acted very discreetly. A few months went by the following year and he we poke again he messaged me his numbe afrer I had posted that I lost all my contacts on instagram.anyways we spoke casually and ten I ignored him because we were acting as if there wasn’t a huge elephant in the room. We spoke I told him me feelings haven’t changed and he expressed the same but that he didn’t regret the breakup saying studies are hectic and he wouldn’t have had time for us . Anyways one thing led to another and we planned to meet up , met up and he took me home from there we hookup throughout the following year I would break things off but then he would message me again and ijust couldn’t resist . Eventually around October I got sick of it and it just became far too strenuous on me to continue even though at that time I really still loved him deeply to my demise he had told me that he started seeing someone new and that he distants himself from me ecause of it. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and not long after that this girl became his girlfriend I was so hurt and furious at myself to an extent I still kina am . I feel played and even thoug I told him I wanted nothing to do with him he will still randomly message me and send me a meaningful happy birthday message and I would always reply very vaguely saying ‘thanks’ . I don’t really know what to do I feel as though we still both care just aren’t the best at communicating maybe out of pride or his feelings for me romantically are gone and he wants to still remain friends as explained once that whatever happens he never wants to lose me . im ready to be happy and move on but theres always something holding me from doing so. I feel conflicted I do miss him but at the same time resent him from wasting ayear of myself instead of telling me straight up that his moved on. I just don’t know because his the only guy ive ever slept with and I just don’t know howto feel about us being friends . .

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 12:14 pm

HI Kirsten,

you can still try the nc rule if you want to.

Gryce

February 19, 2018 at 10:38 am

Hi Cris. Am a big fun of your page. I am currently in no contact . it’s been a week since ressumed no contact after calling his friend. He blocked me on WhatsApp. But he unblocked me after Valentine but with no text. I also went on a party and took pics with my former ex he knows about. He hasn’t blocked me again even after seeing the pics
. did I ruin my chances . what’s he thinking. Will he contact me after seeing the pics with my ex. They were not seductive they were normal both of us seated in different seats.
And also my boyfriend took serious steps of taking me to his dad gave me a promise ring . but he got distant and stopped putting in effort. So we got this situation what do I do

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 11:54 am

Hi Gryce,

why do you think you ruined your chances? If he contacts, you should ignore it because you’re in nc. If he doesn’t, that’s ok because you should be focused in improving yourself and in posting.

Suzanne

February 18, 2018 at 8:06 pm

Hi
Well I’m devastated I was with my ex for about a year we fell in love and he was getting over the loss of his wife.He suddenly broke up with me and I was devastated saying he didn’t feel the same way anymore.We had a gap and then kept in contact and met up at new year which was lovely but he was still very emotional so I couldn’t get close.Weve been in contact but he won’t speak to me and think I’ve lost him I’ve just started NC again

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 11:16 am

Hi Suzanne,

stick to at least 30 days and then take it slow in building rapport after it and maintain the routine you started during nc, after nc while building rapport with him.

Kate

February 17, 2018 at 10:37 pm

Hello. My two years on and off ex called me 7 days ago after 6 months of silence. He called after midnight, 1:50, and I answered. We talked about 50 minutes, we shared our news and that was it. After two days it was his name day and i sent him my wishes. He replied almost instantly with a thank you and a little info about how celebrated with his family and that he was happy to see them all together. I didnt reply. Again, after that, nothing. Nothing about us. I was trying so hard to get over him, and now he calls just one time and that late… I still want him and love him but he is not trying to make it work… What should I do? Im so confused…. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2018 at 12:38 pm

Hi Kate,

It was just one call, don’t go back to him with just one call

cher

February 16, 2018 at 9:53 pm

my boyfriend decided he was leaving “our apartment” after 6 months of heavy drinking, not coming home. he has anxiety, the only one not ever married out of 5 sister & brothers of one being a twin. it’s been tough due to 6 years he went to school for his masters,, tough sales job, & drummer in a band. all that i supported yet he was never fully in or out of our relationship. his twin just had a baby & i am thinking since he compared our lives to everyone else, how could i possibly compete that everything i did was always wrong & what i have had- been married- had 2 kids & a house. he believed i have had everything? he is a couple years younger but we are in the same age bracket so where is it- i am older anything?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 1:03 pm

Hi Cher,

It looks like he just not mature enough get his life together. Maybe he has related you to the negativity in his life, not because you’re negative but because you are “there” in the negative times of his life, like passively supporting it.

Megan

February 16, 2018 at 8:43 am

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago on Valentine’s Day. We have been having a lot of communication issues, mainly because he has a very “black and white” mentality. He puts the blame on me for everything that goes wrong, it is always about what I need to work on and that I am not trying and that is why our relationship is failing. I was trying to point out to him that we are a team, and we need to work on things together and he needs to be supportive. He has become very religious and shares a lot of posts on Facebook. I brought this up and said that he should live by the things he posts. He took great offense to this and hung up the phone. He then texted me telling me I insulted his character and that I should just leave if I hate him, he said it is hard to be a good person with a “constant thorn in his side” (very hurtful), that it was not working and he couldn’t even deal with me, and not to bother responding because there was nothing I could say. I did not respond. I was in shock. He just ended our one year relationship in a heated text? He didn’t even give me a conversation? I am waiting for him to reach out because I feel that is what is appropriate, but I fear he is very stubborn and won’t. He has not changed his relationship status or profile picture on Facebook, and we still send each other one Snap Chat per day (he always snaps my family still and I still snap his – I don’t think they know). Not much time has passed so I am hoping he cools down and at least talks to me. I really am not sure what I should do because I feel he overreacted and was very cruel. My friends think he is manipulative and I need to end it once and for all. I want to suggest couples therapy if he would want to give it another go. What should I do? Is he waiting on me to reach out first? Should I have responded that night and fought for him? Do I change my status and picture on Facebook or wait for him to do it? Also, as a side note. We are currently long distance. My job sent me to Japan for job training for 2.5 months. I only have 1.5 months to go… I am wondering if this added more stress to the relationship for him… He seems to only focus on what is bad in our relationship and not what is good. I would appreciate any advice on how to get him back and open to therapy! We even talked about marriage so this is very shocking to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 12:00 pm

Hi Megan,

Just let him cool down, once he has talk about your relationship and your concerns to him in a calm way.

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