What To Do After The No Contact Rule- Exact Steps To Take!

225 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”

Trish

December 18, 2017 at 5:29 pm

First of all, thank you for your website! It’s a life saver. I successfully completed my no contact period. I initiated contact and received a positive response. I left it at a 2 text minimum and ended the conversation by saying I had to go for work stuff. However, I’m a little confused because this article says if you receive positive feedback to not text him again for 3 days and another article said to contact him on the 2nd day. (There was a step by step on each day of texting for 15 days). Which should I do? I feel like waiting 3 days would be better because I gnatted really bad when we first split up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 7:48 pm

Hi Trish,

go for three days.

Jessica

December 14, 2017 at 2:59 am

I was LD dating a man for half an year. We have met once, and he said he wants to be my boyfriend but we reached the agreement to define the relationship when we meet in person. We havne’t been there because things have changed and we just stopped 2 weeks ago.

To keep it short, I randomly discovered his ex-wife’s social media, posting past wedding photos and still with the profile picture of them up. He denied he’s got married before but only engaged. Then he broke up with me-a non breakup breakup actually. Few days later, I found his ex has blocked my account, but I know she hasn’t taken down the profile picture. Obviously they’re still in contact.

I’m sure he was very serious about me for a relationship, but I’m very confused why he lied about his past. The puzzle is lingering in my head that I can hardly move on.

Been in no contact since he wished me the best. Am struggled now because there’re some reasons I do want to get him back, yet his lies has kind of held me back.
I think I will text him first after no contact period end, mainly to find out the confusing truth.
But asking him directly could highly shut him down again.

What’s your thought on this? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 4:36 pm

He’s already lying to you.. For me, you should move on..

Lim

December 12, 2017 at 8:48 am

I asked my sort-of ex about his past marriage. I think he was telling a lie and denying it yet I’m not 100% sure.
Later on I texted him, explaining that neither did I want to dig his privacy nor hurt him by bringing up his bad memories, but I need to take care of myself as well. He said he would explain his past relationships but in the end he didn’t. Just responded that it’s time for us to move on. I feel myself talking too much to him in a logical way but those words never work well. He has already pulled away no matter how much I try to open up . So I decided not to repspond this time and now in the NC period for 3 weeks.

Now I have mixed feelings. I feel guilty for discovering his past privacy. I am upset and confused that he lied to me (however, I don’t doubt that he was very serious about me). On the other hand I do want to talk to him again and pick up the convo where we stopped and talk it through.

We don’t have each other’s social media, only chatted on whatsapp and he hasn’t blocked me. (I know he’s the guy who’s still in contact with several exes, and he mentioned about them to me from time to time, which I don’t get to know his intentions.)

I need your kind help to let me know how I should plan my first contact text to let him open up again. I want to be on the ball and talk to him, but seems it’d bee too dramatic and emotional after NC in that way, right?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 11:19 am

Hi lim,

what do you mean that he lied about his past marriage?

Kate

December 1, 2017 at 2:35 am

So I didn’t manage to extend to 45 days of NC bcs I was texting in the group chat the following day & he responded to it (we were all talking about a funny moment from past event and he replied first). Then I replied generally as if I was talking with everyone, not just him specifically. He went quiet after that. He is also not displaying anything about his life with the rebound which seems like its serious. I already unblocked him on social media & texting mediums, but I couldn’t get myself to text him. I’m scared that I would appear needy & desperate, especially now that he has someone else. Texting him would just make me look sad. Plus I figured after making me a doormat & being hot n cold, he should be the one to contact me first. Last night he texted in the group saying he wanted to collect the item (it was midnight) and since I didn’t reply he called me twice to which I didn’t answer. I replied in the group saying sorry I was busy and that the place where he wanted to collect the item was already closed and he could come any other day. He didn’t reply after that. This is the first time that I haven’t heard much from him. Previously he did send a few text messages even when we were already broken up but none now ever since he got a rebound and also probably bcs I blocked him. I am stucked, I feel like I’ve been cheated on with the rebound and can’t get myself to act friendly around him. I know the relationship may even go well with the rebound and even if I’m not ok, I’m trying to prepare myself to not appear sad and desperate. I have a few questions: 1. Should I appear friendly with him (would I be friendzoned then?) or just act normal? 2. The group chat is quite active, should I be quiet and not talk much or be bubbly in the group chat? 3. Do I start NC again? How long? 4. Is it ok not to text or reach out to him after NC? I want him to feel what I feel and have a sense of regret (he actually regret his actions in the previous breakup and put in effort to win me back (when he thought I had moved on) but of course that didn’t last long. But since he has a rebound now I think he could care less.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2017 at 4:29 am

You didn’t break it because you didn’t reply to him directly and when you did, it was only about his stuff…you can still continue the count until you’re ready you initiate or you can reply to him if he initiates after 45 days

Kate

November 27, 2017 at 8:52 am

What if I had already blocked my ex on all social media including texting mediums? Do I unblock him after 30 days? I think that he is in a (probably) rebound relationship, although there is no certain way to tell since he doesn’t display it (he was also discreet when he was with me— no photos on social media whatsoever but some of our close friends know we were together). He met this girl in another group of friends and have been actively hanging out (they are active in sports and so is he and usually meet up for these kind of activities) with them a few months before breakup. I only saw some photos of him casually hanging out with the girl but my gut is telling me they are together now and that he went out with her a day after the breakup (just for dinner, i believe the worst he could have done is just a kiss but no sex involved). We’re in the same circle of close friends who travel & hangout often once a month (last i met him was also about 30 days ago to talk about our problems bt we ended up kissing and did not even discuss our problem since he delayed it until I decided to end it again after finding out about the girl — he doesnt know it). Our relationship have been going on for 1.5 years on and off since he is emotionally unavailable. I blocked him as it was hard for me but I keep checking his profile. Its already 30 days of NC (no calling or texting personally) but i did communicate with him in the group on 23rd day of NC since he ordered and bought items from me (and so did my friends) so the communication was simply about the item but he found out I went for holiday as I wasn’t in town then. He will be picking up the item at one place but I won’t be there. What should i do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2017 at 1:48 pm

Hi Kate,

you have to unblock him now.. just add him back later on when you’ve already rebuilt rapport. And extend to 45 days nc so you can be active in improving yourself and in posting.. just make your posts public.

Stronger, wiser yet still missing..

November 26, 2017 at 11:21 pm

Hello : )
My bf of 4 years transitioned from a break up to a complicated FWB situation which lasted 1.5 years
I feel like I allowed him to “have his cake it too” due to my desperation to keep a connection. He made it clear that he didn’t love me but wanted to keep me in in his life as a friend,confidant, FWB but only when convient for him.
Finally this came to an end 4 months ago. We had at least 2 solid months with zero contact.
I broke the silence with an impulsive but light email greeting. He replied briefly but positive response. Said “thank you, nice to hear from you” but no questions or anything to continue the convo.
1 week later I had a situation (non related to him or I) that I wanted his insight on. I emailed him explaining that I had a confidential situation that o couldn’t trust anyone else with (he was already aware of the previous details) asked if he would be up for a quick call sometime to discuss. He called me right away. We had a brief cove ration on the topic alone. He delivered great advise on the situation. He was in between meetings and asked if he could call me back later to continue our chat.
He didn’t text again until 11:30 pm apologizing for the late reply. I explained that it was ok .. he had already helped big time and thanked him.
He then proceeded to ask if he could come over to have a drink and and catch up on life. It was hard but I politely declined. Explained It was too late at night and that I couldn’t be lazy the next day.
I could tell he was looking to come have our usual great catch up, have drinks and end up having meaningless sex just like we did for the 1.5 years…. I can’t do that to myself again. I didn’t say that part to him instead I kept it light suggesting we can make a plan for another time if he want to catch up. We discussed the following weekend.. basically ball was in his court to initiate a plan later in the week. He had mentioned he was in the middle of a couple big work deals and couldn’t be 100% of free time at that point.
The week and now weekend just passed with no word from him.

I won’t initiate now. I don’t want to come off as needy as before, And worries that he was only actually interested in a booty call in the moment of convience a week ago.

I’m not sure where to go from here…
He was clearly trying to booty call me and his lack of follow up this week says to me that he’s not missing me with any substance.
He’s probably surprised that I didn’t get desperate and follow up with him on the plans. …
do you think I willl ever hear from him again?
Am I on the right path of stages of rapport or back at ground zero?

Thanks in advance for your time and advice!

I find your articles and website very helpful, especially when needing a reminder not to break NC

Sincerely

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2017 at 1:14 pm

Hi,

check this one:
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship

Jo

November 18, 2017 at 3:25 am

So I did no contact with my ex and got through the 30 days. After the 30 days I send him a text to which he replies immediately. He was a bit angry that I had been ignoring him and all of a sudden message him and without a beat his next message is that he wants to talk to me. Then he wants to call me. Says all of that without me even replying. So we talked I kept it simple, he went on about how he misses me and how he doesn’t know if he gave up the best thing he ever had (me) etc. I’m not sure if he’s regretting the breakup or not. But we’ve talked a few times since (been about a week) and he calls me beautiful when I post stuff, tells me he’s having a bad day and is going to bed (no conversation happening) and that he wants to call me on the weekend when he’s not so busy and has time. How do I handle this? I told him that as long as I wasn’t busy I don’t mind him calling. Should I keep it short and sweet, get to the point and end the conversation early? I’m not sure what his intentions are or what he wants to gain from these conversations. Is he just saying sweet things to keep me tagged along because he’s at the stage where he’s not ready to let go? Or is this my chance to get him to reconsider the breakup without actually saying it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2017 at 3:39 am

Hi Jo,

It looks like he missed.. It would be better if you make the conversations short and sweet and that you’re the one ending it at high point

Vania Monteiro

November 14, 2017 at 10:44 pm

Does the NO CONTACT rule works for one month of relantionship?
I met this guy in Thailand on my last day of holiday, we spend the night together (it was amazing). Since then we texted every single day. He came 2 weeks ago to visit me in my house for a weekend. It was so nice weekend. We did bound together. I COULD see in his eyes He likes me.
Last weekend He did dumped me saying that He is not feeling to continue our irregular dates, but he still likes me and our memories together. I texted him saying that irregular dates would be temporary. If we would love each other, we would live in same city. And I told him I was sad because He likes me but HE is pushing me away. Although thank you for the great moments together.
He saw the message 3 min after I sent. He still doenst replied. Its been a week. Should I do no contact rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:53 am

Hi Vania,

It’s not a guarantee to work in any case.. It just helps increase you chances.. If you’re going to do it, do 21 days.

heartbroken

November 14, 2017 at 11:50 am

At what point should I move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:31 am

Hi Heartbroken,

It depends on a lot of things.. but if the relationship is abusive, you should move on.

Jack and Jill without Jack

November 14, 2017 at 11:47 am

So sayi get through these 30 days ok, no text from him the whole time, I reach out twice and get positive responses but I have never mentioned getting back together, at what point do I do that (mention getting back together) and how do I ease into that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:30 am

Hi Jack and Jill without Jack,

You have to keep building rapport slowly first.. two texts is not going to do that.. the texts should later on lead to calls, and then after calls meet ups.. check this one:
How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

Asia

November 12, 2017 at 7:41 pm

I am on day one of NC. I think by the end of this 30 days ill be sure on whether i truly want to even be with him or if it’s best that we stay apart. I started talking to other guys because i felt like he wasnt attracted to me because he never initiated sex and it just felt like we were roommates. I don’t know our future but I do know this 30 days will give me time to think. I do love him and he helped me raise my son and we’ve been together for 4 years and planned to get married next year and have a baby. I’m just taking it slow and day by day. My 1st contact message would be: “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (insert name)! I hope you have been well : )” That ok?

I think my other post somehow got deleted.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2017 at 1:54 am

It’s ok, but it’s a general kind of message.. It’s not really something that can initiate a conversation.. He can just answer “I am, thank you! happy new year too!”

anoymous

November 12, 2017 at 3:15 pm

I am on day one of NC. I think by the end of this 30 days ill be sure on whether i truly want to even be with him or if it’s best that we stay apart. I started talking to other guys because i felt like he wasnt attracted to me because he never initiated sex and it just felt like we were roommates. I don’t know our future but I do know this 30 days will give me time to think. I do love him and he helped me raise my son and we’ve been together for 4 years and planned to get married next year and have a baby. I’m just taking it slow and day by day. My 1st contact message would be: “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (insert name)! I hope you have been well 🙂 ” That ok?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2017 at 1:54 am

It’s ok, but it’s a general kind of message.. It’s not really something that can initiate a conversation.. He can just answer “I am, thank you! happy new year too!”

Joelle

November 8, 2017 at 12:05 am

Im doing the no contact and am thinking of what to say after In first initial text, can I use a term of endearment?
For example I was thinking if these options,
Hi there thought I’d reach out, how are you? How’s work?
Or
Hi baby, thought I’d reach out, how are you? How’s work?
Your thoughts please
Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 7:11 pm

Hi Joelle,

Nope, don’t use endearment terms because you’re not together anymore.. check this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Anne

November 4, 2017 at 4:44 am

Thank you Amor. I went through your page and also purchased the texting Bible. I guess I am still struggling as I don’t want to be needy or over text him. Since I replied after his initial response and didn’t hear back, I’m not sure of timing or what is appropriate to do next.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 5, 2017 at 6:07 am

That’s great! check this one too:
The Stages of Not Getting a Text Back From Your Ex and How to Survive Them

Anne

November 3, 2017 at 9:32 pm

Hello,

After 32 days no contact post break up where my boyfriend said he needed space and that he was “not ready to be in a romantic relationship with me right now”, I finally reached out and sent the first initial text message you suggested. I sent a message with a fun link to a instagram site that related to an inside joke/love of cute animals we shared. I said it made me smile and think of him. He responded a couple hours later with “thank you for sending me that. It made me smile and think of you too.”
I waited a while to text back and said that I thought the page was pretty adorable and was glad he liked it. I never hear back after that.
Was his response a positive or neutral response? What should my next steps be?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 4, 2017 at 1:15 am

Hi Anne,

it’s positive. It’s just that your last text didn’t need a reply.. check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Ceecee

October 29, 2017 at 11:58 pm

Amor no I have not sent it yet planning ahead my NC finishes in a week’s time so it’s the drafting phase. Is it too see through

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2017 at 3:09 pm

Yeah, it’s ok..you can send it

Unicorn

October 27, 2017 at 8:22 pm

Hi Amor,

My 30days nc ended today. The thing is on the day of my breakup my ex said we’d try to meet up in November( ie, next month) but i didnt take him seriously cause maybe he was only trying to be polite since he dumped me. During nc he contacted me only once to wish me on my birthday and i did not respond. Now my question is when i text him should i mention anything about the meet up he talked about previously? Also, do i say anything about the birthday wish?? Help me please, thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2017 at 10:58 am

Nope, don’t mention it..

Nikki

October 27, 2017 at 4:59 am

What do I do if I do not have any social media accounts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 30, 2017 at 8:06 pm

Hi Nikki,

You have open one..

Ntokozo

October 27, 2017 at 2:53 am

I did NC and text him after to a positive response. We talked for a few days but i got so irritated one day and brought up the breakup cuz i wanted closure. Did i ruin my chances? What should i do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 30, 2017 at 7:48 pm

Apologize and then rest for a week before initiating again

Ceecee

October 26, 2017 at 9:23 pm

Need help I am about to he end the NC with my ex and I am thinking of using a positive memory. On our first date he bought me a cake so I thought I would send him a text like, OMG you will not believe what I have just seen in Lidil and then send him a picture of the cake and then say it reminded me of him and put a smile on my face and end by saying hope your well. Well that work or will he see through it

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2017 at 11:29 am

HI Ceecee,
did you send it?

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225 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”