What To Do After The No Contact Rule- Exact Steps To Take!

226 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”

Ceecee

October 26, 2017 at 9:23 pm

Need help I am about to he end the NC with my ex and I am thinking of using a positive memory. On our first date he bought me a cake so I thought I would send him a text like, OMG you will not believe what I have just seen in Lidil and then send him a picture of the cake and then say it reminded me of him and put a smile on my face and end by saying hope your well. Well that work or will he see through it

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2017 at 11:29 am

HI Ceecee,
did you send it?

Loretta

October 22, 2017 at 10:03 am

I am on day 31 of no contact.
I wouldn’t even dream to reach out to him. He’s blocked on all social media. If he wants to contact he knows how to get in touch.
Nikki

October 19, 2017 at 5:32 am

Hi! My situation is a little long so I will bullet point:
-I was living with an ex when I met my current ex so he always felt 2nd and was pushing me to move out, and I stupidly didn’t so he kept his guard up while we dated for almost 2 yrs.
-he got his dream job a state away and kept his guard up Bc he knew he was moving
-I fell in love with him, but when he broke it off with me he said he didn’t fall in love, and knows he can never because he hasn’t yet (whtever that meant). I know he did fall in love because of his actions through out our relationship. I did the NC for a month after the first breakup then fell into the meet up/having sex again one more time situation. It was great and I thought I had a shot again, so I basically begged for a chance to prove to him I want only him forever and that’s when he told me he made his mind up, and wants me to find someone else that can make me happier, and that it’s not him. He was encouraging me dating other people (this is crazy right?) so here I am, NC going on like 40 days and I don’t even kno where to start. Apart of me feels like he was in love with me but he’s stubborn and also making me hurt because he was always put second in his eyes. Another part of me feels like he’s hung up on his ex still, stubborn and set in his ways and meant what he said that he wasn’t in love with me and will never be. I was debating sending a cute/flirty picture message but didn’t want to look needy or overalls sexual. We had amazing chemistry and sex was always never a problem. Please help, I have no clue what to do from here… should I just wait for him to contact? He contacted me the first break up after a week but this one was the ultimate final one where I begged him to be with me and he turned me down. I have. It contacted for 40 days, but I also don’t want him to meet someone else and move on or have out of sight out of mind. I want him back so badly but he is stubborn and not trying to intentially hurt me, he wants me to be happy…. just not with him? Some guidance would be greatly appreciated with this delicate situation. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2017 at 7:02 pm

HI Nikki,

don’t send that picture.. take this as a restart and approach him like a stranger you’re trying to build rapport with.. do you still live with your other ex?

fay

October 18, 2017 at 12:39 pm

After almost 6 years my boyfriend moved to another country for work. We’d talked of marriage, children, and i was to move out with him when i finished college. I encouraged the move. I visited for 2 weeks about 3 weeks after he moved there and we argued a bit. (he was close to other girls he said were just friends, I was a bit paranoid). He told me he loved me and he’d do anything for me though. He allowed me to meet his new social circle and add them on Facebook etc. Then i get home and for 2 weeks he’s really distant. Barely texting or calling. But telling me he loves me, misses me etc. Then one day he says he needs space. I freaked and cried, wrote him a letter (he never read or even returned it i don’t think) but I gave him space. He promised to call at the end of the week just for “an open conversation” and said he didn’t want to break up thats not what the conversation was about, he just wanted time to think about what he wants in life etc. (but wouldn’t say i love you). He said he loves his new life and is staying for the full 2 year contract the job offers. I was fine with this. At the end of the week he called. I tried not to be needy, I asked what he’d had to think about and what the future was with us. He said he’d been unhappy for a while and all our interactions have mostly been negative this last while and when i visited all we did was argue. He enjoyed his space alone for a week and he wanted to be alone for a while. He asked for 2 more weeks space. I told him i wasn’t going to beg and I wish him well but if he loved me and wanted to be with me forever he wouldn’t need 2 weeks. we ended it somewhat amicably. Now only friends on facebook but we unfollowed each other. We spoke a little after this breakup and he posted a snap of himself with his arm around a girl. He said it was only a friend and i needed to stop getting so paranoid or we couldn’t even be friends. He promised to meet up at christmas when he’s home. But just to explain and give answers, he doesn’t want to get back together. We haven’t spoken in 5 days. What do i do? How do i keep active and be the ungetatable girl etc if he cant see anything i’m posting? We wont see each others friends etc.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 20, 2017 at 7:53 pm

Hi Fay,

Make your posts public and act as if you’ve accepted the break up and you’re not expecting for an explanation anymore

Julie

October 2, 2017 at 8:54 pm

My fiancé and I broke off our engagement, we stayed in contact a little a few months after. It’s a complicated situation, but my fiancé was in the military and suffers from PTSD. I old him that if he went to see a counselor that I would come back home. He ended up moving to another town. I finally started the no contact, we both needed it to get our heads right. It was three weeks to the day when I got a text message. I didn’t respond. Then two days later I got a phone call. Where do I go from here?

Julie

October 3, 2017 at 12:02 am

I didn’t answer. I was out and when I got home I was tired, and I didn’t really know what to say. I still don’t I guess.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2017 at 9:39 pm

If you were not focused in healing and improving yourself, do that first for at least two weeks before initiating.. If he says in a text that he literally wants to get back together, you can break nc..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 2, 2017 at 11:31 pm

Hi Julie,

What did he say in the call?

Kazie

September 19, 2017 at 7:00 am

Hello, Mine was a long distance relationship which lasted for about 6months. We didn’t propose each other yet. But we both had the feelings for each other. Like other couples, we did had silly arguments and we both restricted each other from proposing each other ( because we both wanted to propose each other in person) which eventually increased the space between us and that moment never came back for him. But still I love him to the core. Last month, my Ex called me and said “we should move on”. The reason for this decision was the arguments we had in our relationship. Actually all those were not at all a serious arguments. But my Ex took all those arguments to the heart and he said like he lost his feelings towards me and he didn’t feel like missing me. I’m already into NC rue and it’s been 24 days. Should I contact him after 30 days? Or should i meet my Ex in person?( It ill take a month time and i’m thinking to meet my him on my birthday) . I’m missing him terribly these days. I’m restricting myself from texting him. How to handle this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2017 at 11:18 am

HI Kazie,

are you actively improving yourself and posting in social media? Slowly build rapport by starting with texts firsts.

Emily

August 25, 2017 at 1:52 pm

EBR

I’ve been reading the articles on EBR for about two weeks and I just purchased EBR Pro, which has been vastly informative and given me a little more structure for NC. My ex broke up with me about three weeks ago (a general breakup initiated by him), and I’m at day 16 in my NC period. I’m following EBR Pro to the letter and feeling pretty awesome about myself most days; however, I have a significant concern with my progress in NC.

My problem is that I still have moments of profound grief where I feel as if I have been plunged into a vat of ice-cold water. I cannot breathe or think clearly, and I’m overcome with tears that won’t seem to stop. It’s that void that I’m trying to fill, but somehow it can’t be. My ex made such a significant and positive impact on my life that I feel completely devastated even though nearly a month has passed since he left.

The purpose of NC, as we all know, is to improve ourselves to either get over our exes or get them back as an improved versions of ourselves. Not an easy task, but it’s really fun packing my 30 days full of new and challenging things to become that UG, the better version of myself. I’m getting there slowly but surely. But how can I move on or have the confidence to finally reach out to him when NC is up if I’m still experiencing these nearly debilitating moments?

Even though he has already been lost, I am so fearful of the amount of emotional investment I have to make in order to get my ex back. I know in the back of my mind and at the bottom of my gut it will be worth it, but I am so afraid because I don’t feel like I’m making any sort of progress emotionally during my NC. My days are full between work, hitting the gym, figuring out a side hustle, spending more time with my friends/family, and picking up a (REALLY FUN!) hobby, but I still feel that overwhelming sense of grief even now.

I guess my question to my problem is:

Is what I’m experiencing normal?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2017 at 12:37 pm

HI Emily,

yes it is.. Experience the pain and act despite it.. the nc is just the start of a new routine. You have to keep growing even after it.

Olivia

August 25, 2017 at 5:34 am

Hi,
So I have had no contact with my ex for 39 days now.. I have read the articles and have an idea of what I may say but I’m not sure whether he will respond in a positive way or even at all. He has only texted me once since the no contact period so I’m very skeptical. He was asking how I was and told me he still cares for me and always will. Which is wonderful but I don’t want to bring up those things so I never replied and it was still 5 days before the end of no contact period was meant to finish. Anyways it has now been another 9 days after the 30 day no contact and i am still wondering what to say. I wanted to wait a little longer to message because I didn’t want to talk about that stuff as it may bring back the bad thoughts of the breakup and don’t want to get into that especially straight after no contact..
My thought is to write a text about this big wrestling fight that is coming up this Sunday and he is very into the wrestling so I know he will be watching and know all about it. Is this a good approach? Should I text him about this before or after the fight? Or maybe even during?? I don’t really know what to say about it. Should I say how awesome it’s going to be and then end the convo? The other idea I had was sort of copying your text about the Brooklyn 99 show as we both loved that show and binge watched it all the time together and he is very into film and movies/tv so he would know all about it. Can you help me? I’m not sure where to start.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2017 at 12:22 pm

Hi Olivia,

all of those are ok topics.. have you checked this one?
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:37 pm

what do you mean that it’s hard in snapchat? Is it because of the app or because you don’t have topics? If you want, rest from initiating for a week.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:37 pm

what do you mean that it’s hard in snapchat? Is it because of the app or because you don’t have topics? If you want, rest from initiating for a week.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:37 pm

what do you mean that it’s hard in snapchat? Is it because of the app or because you don’t have topics? If you want, rest from initiating for a week.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:37 pm

what do you mean that it’s hard in snapchat? Is it because of the app or because you don’t have topics? If you want, rest from initiating for a week.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 12, 2017 at 12:19 pm

ok..you can continue just in snapchat, that’s ok because you will be transitioning to calls later on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2017 at 5:10 pm

it’s ok to keep talking in snapchat.. It’s in text form too. It doesn’t have to be sms texting always or only. If you have been talking in snapchat before the break up too. It would be weird to suddenly switch to texting this time. If you were texting before, just initiate a text.
Alisha

August 10, 2017 at 8:10 am

Hey my ex boyfriend and I broke up a month before and I did no contact for two weeks because we don’t stay in the same city as he’s moved out now so I texted him after the no contact period to which I didn’t receive a reply but after two days when I texted him he did reply and now we chat Regularly but I don’t know what to talk exactly as in how to keep the conversation fun and upbeat so his reply is no more a issue but basically I have any clue what to exactly talk to him ….!!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2017 at 5:04 pm

how long were you together and why did you break up?

alana

July 12, 2017 at 8:50 am

This is my experience, lucky me as I am calm and patient and pray. Last year, my ex-boyfriend had broken up with me, and had a new relationship with his colleague, the seriousness of their relationship until to planning for marriage. When I found out I was still patient. Although we broke up but we were still in touch every day. His new lover is very jealous to me, every fight between them, his new lover will blame me. I remain patient and steady. After almost 12 months of their relationship, they finally split up because of their quarrels.Now my ex-boyfriend back to me, but so, he never declares to want to marry me, what is the way to make he want to marry me? I’m ashamed to express my lover .. I want him to marry me without me voicing it

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 1:41 pm

How long have you been back together?

Maria

July 12, 2017 at 2:38 am

We oficially broke up 2 months ago after 3 years together, but were seeing each other during the first month and talked about saving the relationship. I have not contacted him for 3 weeks, although he did 3-4 times during this time for business reasons. We kept conversations at business level and very friendly, he offered to do a business related favor which he didnt have to, but insisted. Was his idea to end the relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 1:14 pm

How much are you improving yourself and how active were you in posting?

Tamara

July 11, 2017 at 6:26 am

Hi, I have found this website when I was looking for a clue how long should I stay in no contact with a guy I dated…. I think it’s better to tell the story from the beginning to get some advice. We are neighbors, leaving 3 minutes walk apart, 1 block away. We saw each other and there was a spark, we started to talk one day but it was just casual. Around a few weeks later I saw him out in the club, we started to dance and since then we were really into each other. After that night (nothing happened )he was straight up honest he just got out of 6-year long relationship 3 weeks ago and he would like to take everything easy. I said I have no expectations and I’m cool with whatever he decides. I guess the feeling was strong because he kept contacting me, seeing me and soon we were pretty much hanging out together all the time. His family new about a new girl in his life. I have met his friends, one of his sisters and his father. I didn’t introduce him to my family, cause I didn’t feel he is ready and I wanted to be a little more sure about what’s going on between us. We were making plans together, he kept telling me how he’s the guy who only values long term relationships etc. It seemed perfect, I have never met anyone so compatible with me, my character, sharing the same passion for sports and life goals. It was a match made in heaven. We had great sex and super chemistry. Though in the back of my head I was a bit scared that it happened all too fast. After a month and a half of this phase, I had a bad day, just over analyzing everything he said, not getting his jokes, looking for small stupid stuff that might indicate I might just be a rebound. I’m not sure why it happened, but maybe some of my insecurities kicked in. Anyway, I didn’t say anything bad, or hurtful at all, but still, He got a bit mad. I said sorry, but he stopped talking to me (2h car ride and no talk at all) and told me he was just through something like that and he doesn’t want it again. I was shocked, I cried, I couldn’t understand why he shut me down like this. After two days he reached out to contact me but he was very distant… the whole week I assured him I wanna be there for him and that he can take his time. He did…and he was a bit depressed. Then the weekend came, he went on a trip with his friends and he kept texting me like crazy and being super happy.I thought that’s great, he is back! We went to the movies right after that positive weekend. The chemistry was crazy, but he tried to stay away, though it was a great night… after that, he again got into a cold, silent mood. I stayed away….the weekend came and he asked if we are going to continue this no talking phase … I told him I would prefer to talk. after that, he came right over to me and my friends (we had a bbq) and he stayed with me the whole night and the next day. Very nice, positive and he took some of the things I told him very seriously. He was acting a bit distant but still really nice for over a week since the bbq. Then we went on 3 day holidays (with his father joining us) He was a bit mean, and also rough, he still was touchy but I felt like I’m stepping on a thin ice… Overall the days were nice, but we had a few stressful situations, a bit of anger, a deep talk a the beach… on the way back it all seemed ok, but a bit stretched. He was participating in a run and I told him I want to cheer him on and he told he wants to do it alone. I said ok, but I was super sad. He was getting colder and more distant. Since his run I haven’t seen him and we stopped texting and calling each other just 2 days after that. I just felt he replies to my texts because he has to. I decided to wait until he feels he wants to talk to me. 3 weeks have passed, I count it as no contact period…no text, no phone call ,no seeing each other. We didn’t argue, we didn’t call it off… we just went silent. I feel he needs it, I think he was too confused and he didn’t heal from his last break-up. I also worry because the way we were together and what we had didn’t feel like just a rebound. The stuff he told me and the way we felt was mutual and my friends confirm this. I just don’t know if he will ever talk to me again… how long will this last? I don’t think it’s fair to behave like this especially when you tell the other person how much you care… I still have my stuff at his place. I’m waiting to pick it up because I don’t want to break the no contact rule and I also would like him to be the first to reach out. I’m kinda loosing hope he is going to reach out to me at all… I don’t know how someone can just shut his feelings like this. Also when the no contact period is over I don’t actually know what to say to him … please advice.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 12:06 pm

Restart the count of nc..do at least 30 days because you need to be active in improving yourself and in posting and then slowly build rapport after.. Check this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Linda

July 10, 2017 at 9:52 am

Hi. Good day. My ex boyfriend and I broke up around April-May, and i used NC,plannnig to reach out on August, two mos after NC. However, early week of July, he unfriended me on facebook, but im still able to send him a message. I sent a message and thanked him for everything. He said thank u too. I asked why he unfriended me, he said we can still be friends thou. The next day i said ive always been a friend and asked him to go out. He said he cant. And i thanked him again for everything. I thought what i did was not right, inviting him to go out.. please help. Is reaching out to him on his birthday, that is Aug 20a good idea? Would i resume to NC again? What steps can i take? Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 13, 2017 at 9:53 am

The right way of doing nc is being active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..moving in without totally moving on and then slowly building rapport after.. Do that first..if his bday falls in nc, don’t greet him

lyza

July 6, 2017 at 7:21 pm

A little over 6weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost 8months broke up with me. While the relationship had it’s hardships. Near the end, it seemed that we were fighting a bit more often than usual and it sucked because i hate fighting we have on off relationship because of the fighting were seeing each other on the office so we fix it the day after tomorow. Anyway, long story short, he broke up with me because “we were always fighting” and “he said that he wants to continue are relationship but its complicated. He then proceeded to tell his friend that he broke up with me because im too paranoid jealous and moody. But anyway 3 weks before our break up, it was wrong of me but i kept trying to contact him in hopes that he would come back but it didnt work. He told me that he didnt want to get back together because he thinks it’s best if we stay apart. He told me that he needs his space and that he isn’t over me but he still thinks we should stay apart. He eventually blocked me on everything, and i haven’t had any communication with him for a 2 week even if we see each other in the office. Do you think there’s any chance he’ll come back?? He said he miss me in our friends but im block in facebook. I don’t want to get my hopes up but i miss him so much.
He miss me but hes not trying to communicate with me. If its a chance

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017 at 8:12 pm

Hi lyza,

Check this one:
Here’s How Mary Got Her Ex Boyfriend To Unblock Her (And Eventually Come Back)

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226 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”