What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)

201 thoughts on “What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)”

Sammy

May 13, 2021 at 1:03 pm

So its been a week shy of being a month since we broke up we were together for a year, we lived together so there’s a few times I broke the no contact, last night I texted him about picking up my mail, than I asked is there a chance to get back together and he told me no, can I try no contact again.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 13, 2021 at 8:26 pm

Hi Sammy yes you can re start your NC but make sure that you read more articles and watch more videos so that you can understand this program better before you reach out again.

Jennifer

May 9, 2021 at 1:30 pm

I broke up with him because he wasn’t making me a priority and actions speak louder than words. He sent a hey text a few days later that I ignored.

10 days after I ended it I broke NC and sent a stupid long email stating what I needed for us to work. It wasn’t begging or pleading just stating my boundaries really although I did say I missed him ugh!

He never responded.

I never sent anything else and it has now been over 2 weeks but I’m afraid my long email ruined any chance.
Isabela

April 20, 2021 at 7:14 am

Hey hey,
me and my ex officially broke up around a month ago. I started to apply the NC rule. He called me twice and wrote me few times. I didn’t respond. Then he asked about something kind of important, so I waited for few hours and responded. He tries to reach out to me +- every 4 days. The last time I didn’t resist and answered to his “Hey, what’s up” message (I waited 24 hours and responded “Hey, I am fine :)”. That’s it, no questions about how he is, nothing). Now I feel like I failed and I am not sure to do next. Should I restart counting the NC from the beginning or should I just continue?

Thanks for respond!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2021 at 9:36 pm

Hi Isabela, so you need to restart because you replied. You need to complete 30 days of SOLID NO CONTACT. This means you do not reply if they reach out to you!

Shanti

March 16, 2021 at 10:49 pm

Hi, I accidentally viewed his whatsapp status. Do I have to start over the “no contact”? (I amore on day 22)
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 17, 2021 at 7:48 pm

If it was a genuine accident then no = but be sure that you do not reach out again.

Beatriz

March 15, 2021 at 12:08 am

Me and my boyfriend dated for 2 years, but we went on a break to work on ourselves. During this break he found out I met up with my ex boyfriend and was talking to him about inappropriate things a couple months prior when he thought I had stopped. This only worsened the relationship and prolonged the break to 2 months. He kept asking for space and I wouldn’t give it to him out of selfishness and being scared he would leave, trying to show him I changed. He tried to forgive me and knows I am sorry, but still holds resentment and broke up with me. He said he needs to work on himself and heal alone, saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship at all. He says he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, but again I can’t force him to be in something he isn’t happy in right now. Is there any hope he will come back.. I’m doing my best to not contact him, but it is so hard.
Mohammed Omer

March 3, 2021 at 9:47 am

We were in 4 yrs realationship she left me 2 months ago because mistrating her and she felt unloved for long time i begged for 1 month and then started NC at day 28 i broke it and we were chatting and went to her place and talked to her for 1 week and I told her ive changed and i want u back then she said no and started no reply to my texts.. can NC be effective again ??? I really want her back. ..please help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 9, 2021 at 10:43 pm

Hi Mohammed, yes but only if you work on yourself in this time and follow the program. No Contact ALONE does not get your ex back, you need to follow the program fully for this to work.

Kimberly Anderson

January 12, 2021 at 10:36 pm

Chris,
I massively screwed up the NC Rule.
Is there any hope for me?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Kim

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2021 at 7:23 pm

Hi Kim, if you messed up your NC you can start again, but this loses its effectiveness each time you break it.

R

December 24, 2020 at 10:30 am

Hi, my ex and I were together for over 5 years, he cheated on me and left me for the girl he cheated on me with last year after I moved away and was hanging out with someone i crushed on (i didn’t cheat but in his eyes it was as good as cheating). we then met after 6 weeks, he still wanted me, then over the next month he left the other girl and came back to me. a few months ago he started talking to and getting very close with another girl who has extremely similar interests to him, he would spend a lot of time talking with her and started being cold towards me. it would make me insecure and more needy towards him which i know isn’t a good look. in october he broke up with me saying i was too much stress to be with, but that he still wanted to be friends, then he got back together with me a week later after i said i need a break from talking with him in order to focus on my recovery (after i had done a lot of begging and crying and apologising on the phone). then mid-november he broke up with me again (it was drawn out over a few weeks and was very confusing, he kept me hanging on, i think just in case the other girl didnt want him). i begged and pleaded a lot and wouldn’t accept what he wanted, then he asked me not to contact him for a few weeks while he calmed down, but i called him immediately upset and angry and was mean on the phone and tried to get him to admit that it was so he could be with this other girl (he wouldn’t admit, but he didn’t deny it either). about a week later i sent 2 very long emotional texts to him apologising for various things i felt i had done wrong in the relationship, taking most of the responsibility but also pointing out a few things he did (like his anger problems and him not taking responsibility in his life, as well as saying how upset i was that he had gaslit me about this other girl) but basically saying i would still be willing to take him back and work through the problems and wanted to work on myself and my emotional issues. he didn’t reply. then 2 weeks later i messaged to arrange exchanging our stuff, he replied saying he would get my stuff and sorry for not responding to my messages before, he was still processing everything, unsure what had happened and was not ready to talk about it, i replied saying its ok and he doesnt need to reply to my messages and that i’m trying to move on with my life, and a few days later my mum drove over to do the exchange of stuff. is it too late? have i messed up my chances here? i was needy and insecure for months while he developed feelings for someone else, then i begged him not to leave me so many times, was mean the last time we spoke on the phone, then sent 2 long emotional apologetic texts, and i am pretty sure he is now seeing this other girl who seems very compatible with him….. i wish i had just done NC straight away. is it too late? should i just give up thoughts of him ever coming back? the last time we spoke was on friday to do the exchange of our stuff.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 19, 2021 at 11:56 pm

Hi R, it is not too late to start your no contact, but it is vital that you follow the information correctly and stick with it for it to work in your favour. You also need to work on yourself in that time so that there is a positive impact when you start reaching out to your ex again.

G

November 26, 2020 at 3:23 pm

Hi, me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. It was a long distance relationship at first but I moved to be with him. We lived together a year.

I live miles away from him again now and so bumping into each other or mutual friends etc is not an issue and never will be. He has no social media either.

A lot has happened since I moved out. Contact everyday, it started positive with the I miss you’s etc but soon he shut that straight down. He has said over and over again since we can’t speak again, and can’t be friends and we both need to let go. We ended on a good note because of external circumstances not because we wanted to, we were still madly in love when it ended.
I have been blocked and unblocked several times. I am currently blocked on what’s app but not message or calls. He recently told me he really does care about me and wants me to be happy but we’re both in a bad place and need space and time to heal. I don’t think I will ever hear from him again as too much drama and hurt has happened since the break up but my friends are convinced if I just leave it and start the no contact rule now he will reach out again one day!! I have promised my self several times that the NC starts today but I’ve never actually started it and we haven’t yet gone longer than 24 hours without contact so I wouldn’t say I’ve failed it as such as it has never really been started. If I start now, 30 days with nothing do you think I will hear from him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 14, 2020 at 8:58 pm

Hi G, so as you have said you have not really given no contact a go as of yet – you need to do 45 days no contact because of the amount of times you have reached out to him since the break up. Yes it can still have an affect on him, buy only if you actually stick to it and work on yourself.

Divya Sabharwal

November 21, 2020 at 5:54 am

I finished the no contact properly and he did start messaging me and missing me again. But I messed it up just after the non contact. As soon as he contacted me after NC I showed my desperate side again.
Please help me I don’t want to lose him. What do I do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 21, 2020 at 2:36 pm

Hi Divya, you have to go back into a No contact if you acted emotional and desperate clearly you didn’t work on yourself enough so that you can control yourself.

Courtney

November 1, 2020 at 8:46 pm

My high school/ college boyfriend dated for 2 years and broke up when he switched colleges.. we remained in touch and briefly got together several years later but it was long distance and didn’t work out. I ended up meeting a guy who I married and when that marriage failed my ex reached out and we dated for the past year.. we argue like cats and dogs but there is so much love and passion between us. When COVID hit I had to move home, we did long distance for a month but the distance causes me to be extra clingy/needy. We broke up where I acted desperately pathetic.. we texted for a month but he was super short in our conversation. One day he got so mad at me for begging that he told me he was done for good and I was acting desperate and like a psycho. I believe he also said I was mentally unstable. I was crushed. Because I have only ever acted like that with him bc I love him so much and didn’t want to lose him. I am on day 16 of no contact but it has been so difficult. I’m trying to follow the program but all I want is to talk to him. He was my best friend. There are several questions. 1. I have some Christmas stuff he was storing for me.. can my 1st contact be to try to get that from him? 2. I got a job back in the city where he lives that I start in January. Should I tell him or would that make him feel even more smothered? 3. Am I wasting my time? Do you think he meant it when he said he was done for good? I need guidance. I have read every article from this website I feel like. I just don’t know where to go from here.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 1, 2020 at 9:43 pm

Hi Courtney, so you need to have NC for a solid 30 days before reaching out to him for the first time, which needs to be the type of text that Chris suggests in his articles. Asking for your things closer to Christmas if you are able to collect is better than your first text after a NC as it is not going to make him want to engage in an interesting conversation.

Linda

October 20, 2020 at 8:32 am

I was in no contact for about 3 weeks . we broke up because I broke his trust and hurt his feelings. I broke no contact . now he is ignoring me a lot . he says we can still be friends . im really confused . I still feel as though the break uo is all my fault and I don’t know how to forgive myself
Rebecca K

October 13, 2020 at 4:51 pm

Hi,
My bf and I were together for 2 years and lived together for the last 7 months. Found out 2 months ago he was talking to another girl on the phone for the past 2 months. We fought and broke up and he ended up moving to his parents. We never broke contact as he texts me everyday to talk because says he can’t see his life without me. Last week I lost it because he makes no effort to work on things/move home even when he expressed he wants too. I did NC for 6 days and ended up breaking it because he showed up to our home to talk to me. Each day of NC he texted. I want him back and to work it out but I feel he keeps playing games because he doesn’t move back home or see me or make any effort (it’s been almost 2 months now). We have bills together and can discuss those when they are due but should I ignore him from now on? Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 24, 2020 at 8:23 pm

Hi Rebecca, yes you need to NC him and try to appear that you are done, breaking NC after 6 days is not going to work this needs to be at least 30 days.

Amanda

September 26, 2020 at 8:33 pm

My boyfriend and I officially broke up two days ago. Two months prior to that he told me he was falling out of love with me and didn’t feel that spark anymore. I tried to hold on but he just kept becoming more distant. I tried to do no contact twice already. The first time was only for four days and the second time was for ten. The second time he texted me every couple days asking me questions and then finally I broke down and texted him on my birthday. He was upset that I was “ignoring” him both times I tried a no contact. The day after my birthday he texted me and wanted me to call him and I did and he broke up with me for real and said he was done. I told him I was done too. He told me everything was different now but we could still be friends and check in with each other occasionally to see how we’re doing and he says he misses me but not how he used to. I agreed to that and called him the next day to check in with him. He is also posting alot on social media which he never really did before. Should I try no contact again? I have also been contemplating buying the ex boyfriend recovery program. Would it help me? Also he is away at college and I am too but this is my second year and his first and he is partying a lot.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 6, 2020 at 10:47 am

Hi Amanda, so the point of No Contact is for you to have a break from your ex and allow him to miss you. So if he gets annoyed at being ignored, who cares he ended things with you. You are not his girlfriend and you do not have to answer him if he reaches out. He needs to deal with the loss of you. If you want your ex back then yes this program can help you, but it does mean you MUST start with a full No Contact for at least 30 days

Steph

August 21, 2020 at 3:51 am

My ex bf & I were together for a little over a year. 8 months of long distance, meaning we only seen each other on the weekends until Covid-19 happened then we spent almost every day together til July. In the beginning I had asked if he was sure he wanted this with me & he said yes. He told me he was going to get me to love him one of these days & I was flattered. 7 months later in February he came clean about cheating on me for 6 months. Basically from the beginning of our relationship. I was heartbroken, we broke up, I gave in 2 days later & we’re back together. I told him it was going to take some time for me to trust him again, that if I ever see or hear anything about him being dishonest again that I was gonna be done. He said okay. Couple weeks later we had a talk. I told him I was still hurting & found it hard to trust him with my feelings. He said he didn’t want anything serious, I needed to chill, that he was with the other girl first & I was acting like we were married. I was devastated that night & left unexpectedly early the next morning telling him we both wanted different things. I guess we “broke up.” Again 2 days later I gave in & apologized for leaving the way I did but I did not ask for him to take me back. When he asked if i wanted to go back to his place, I said yes. In May I asked him what he would think if we lived together & he said he didn’t mind so long as we help each other out. (He would mention about me moving in with him a few months prior but I had to work thru til my contract ended in May, which is why I asked him about living together) Neither of us brought up that subject again. A few weeks before he broke up with me, he started acting different. The day of the breakup I had seen messages from different girls one in particular stung me but wasn’t enough proof. I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said no, he wasn’t doing anything, he’s talking to other people, he doesn’t want anything serious, I’m acting like were married, why do you think I haven’t said the “love” word to you yet. I asked if that’s all it was ever gonna be & he gave me a shrug. We had NC for 10 days. I reached out with a call but quickly ended it before he answered & texted saying I called him by accident. He called me after work asking how I was, how’s the weather, it was nice to hear from me again & it got quite so I told him I’ll let him go. He texted right after saying he was sorry & he missed me. I said I missed him too. He replied saying he was sorry for all that he put me thru. I apologized to him how I would get sometimes & no reply. I initiated contact for the next 2 days then we went another week of NC. I texted him again & we started texting almost every day some days without. I was at his work one day & didn’t bother to tell him until he texted me that evening & told him I was there. He was a little saddened that I didn’t reach out & say I was there. When I was in his area I texted him saying I was going to be around for the day if he wanted to see me & he responded immediately saying he was in our hometown for the weekend. So the day he left back for the city he texted me first but didn’t bother to come see me. I haven’t talked to him for 3 days now. I love & miss him but idk what to do, keep pursuing or go in indefinite NC.
Renee

August 16, 2020 at 8:33 pm

I’m starting no contact again. He has me blocked from everything though. Will NC even work if he reads the messages I sent early on in the break up later? And will it even work if I’m blocked? He won’t know if I tried to reach out or not. I did run into him over the weekend. I said good luck because it was at a casino, our eyes met and he said oh thank you – let her gaze longer just a little bit then I just turned away. I know I have to start the NC rule again because of that meeting but like I said I’m concerned about being blocked –

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 17, 2020 at 10:13 pm

Hi Renee, yes it will work but you need to be strong and stick with it for a solid 45 days, this includes not looking at his social media too. Don’t worry about being blocked for now as you will eventually being unblocked when he gets curious about what you are doing with yourself. Make sure your social media pages are looking Ungettable

Suzy

August 16, 2020 at 9:35 am

Ok so my boyfriend of 4yrs broke up with me two months ago at first we agreed to stay friends but deep down I thought we could still get back together but that all changed when I found out that he gave his number to a girl and a week later made her his girlfriend and I was crushed to see him find someone new I begged and apologized but it didn’t matter because he said he didn’t care anymore and he made her his everything in such a short amount of time ..then started the NC but he reached out and asked if he could talk to me and be cool but we started talking about the breakup instead and then the following day we had another discussion as to why it didn’t work out he said he still wanted to talk but he still had his girlfriend ..should I attempt another NC? Or just let him move on ? Plus we work together so NC is difficult

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 17, 2020 at 11:22 pm

Hey there, yes go back into a NC and this time for 45 days. Read some articles to help you through the program, including how to follow a limited no contact and then the being there method because he has met someone else

Melody

August 5, 2020 at 4:55 pm

Hi. I broke no contact after 2 weeks. We had decided to stay friends during the breakup. We saw one another and he got very affectionate saying he loves me etc. For the next three weeks we were flirty and everything was great and positive, even being affected in front of his friends. I saw him last week where he went cold and said “we are supposed to be friends what are we doing? I don’t think we should get back together anytime soon” But, he still insisted on kissing me goodbye and having a long drawn out hug and cheek kisses in his goodbye?? I have since started no contact. It has been one week. He had asked me to help with a work project as well? Do I pull out of the project too? We broke up 2 months ago. Did I ruin my chances and allowed him to wean off?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 5, 2020 at 11:45 pm

Hey Melody if you want your ex back then you are going to have to complete a full NC so I suggest that you start again from day one and work on your Holy Trinity in that time

Muy

August 1, 2020 at 5:30 pm

Hi,
I feel so crazy commenting here. Were in a 2yrs relationship we broke up last july 6. He said its really over between us. I kept on sending him messages but he keeps on ignoring me. July 18 he went to my house to get some stuff and to talked about closure but i begged him to stay. We both agreed to fix all the mess then suddenly 2days after he said he was so confused and want me to leave him alone. I kept on sending him messages again for us to talk but he’s not responding to any of it. July 25 it was my birthday he promised to visit me but he didnt and instead he gave me a gift which is my portrait. There was a letter saying he couldnt stand seeing me again and he really wants to be over between us. The letter says he still love me but its time for a goodbye. I couldn’t stand it and went to his house unannounced he was shock and he both talked to each other and agrees we could be friends. I dont want to lie we make loved 3 times I can still feel he loves me. I stayed in their house for 2days cause I cnt go home because of lockdown. When I went home I thank him for letting me stay there and treating me well. I started my NC 3days after he messaged me and asked me how I am doing. I didnt respond. Until today 5days of NC something tragic happened his close friend commit suicide so I messaged him right away gave him sympathy and because I was very dumb I asked him why what’s really the reason why we cant fix anything and he say’s he is hurting but I guess its really time to move on. I know he’s just confuse. I told him to not bother him anymore. Now that I failed NC in day 5. Will it work the 2nd time?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 11, 2020 at 7:53 pm

HEy Muy yes it can work a second time but you have to stick with it, because each time you break NC it looses its effectiveness

tessy

July 29, 2020 at 6:48 am

hi. ive broken up with my ex bf during the quarantine and he says we are not compatible and should stay as friends. ive broken the no contact rule by calling him 3 days later to ask the real reason why we have broken up and he ended up crying saying its hard for him too. i contact him twice afterwards only for important stuffs like friends birthday surprise. is it consider breaking the nc rule for the 3rd time?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 31, 2020 at 12:40 pm

Hey Tessy, yes I would say that is breaking the No Contact rule as you could have reached out to other friends in regards to the birthday. You need to stick to a NC for a solid 30 days without breaking it for this to work

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201 thoughts on “What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)”