What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)

201 thoughts on “What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)”

Tee

March 5, 2020 at 7:26 pm

Hi – I started no contact and within a week my ex bf contacted me and apologised to me for treating me badly and breaking up with me. He called me twice which I ignored and messaged me. (He didn’t ask for me back or anything) I responded with a paragraph stating why I’ve distanced myself and he seemed to agree with me and kept apologising. I then led to asking him about us and our relationship so I think he’s lost interest because he ignored my last message to him for about 5 hours. When he finally responded I ignored his last message and went straight back into no contact. I know I messed up but I can still get the effect I want right? Next message he sends me I’m going to stay strong and just completely ignore but I just want to know there’s still help for it to work???

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 18, 2020 at 2:09 am

Hi Tee so you start again from day one from the day you stopped speaking to him. When you break NC you start again. Every time. And each time you break your NC it loses its effectiveness on your ex

Prize

February 27, 2020 at 5:02 am

Hi Shaunna – I was with my ex for 2 months. Our relationship developed very quickly and he told me he loved me. He lives with his partner and kids but they are in early stages of a separation. His spouse in another relationship. He broke up with me as he’s realised his separation is not going to be easy and will take a long time e.g. years. Due to his work and family life commitments he said it’s best we break up and I move on. I’m heartbroken but I attempted the no contact rule and he contacted me on Valentines Day to ask how I was. I replied briefly but politely (as I thought no contact allowed a brief exchange so long as it lite and easy-going) and we had a brief chat through text which he ended by not replying to my last message. A few days later he made a comment on a photo I had shared on an app that he and I use but I didn’t reply. How do I proceed with no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 28, 2020 at 9:39 pm

Hi Prize, so No Contact is pretty straight forward, you spend 30 days minimum without reaching out to your ex, or replying to him. Work on yourself in that time to become Ungettable – all this information is on this website. But if he has told you he is not ready for a relationship for years I would also consider dating as a divorce is one of the most stressful situations people can go through especially when there are children involved

Keke

February 24, 2020 at 5:57 pm

Hello, I feel my situation is a bit different. My long distance boyfriend and I didn’t break up verbally. When we first met I was originally distant (not talking to him that much and he chased me) then I started becoming interested in him and the tables turned. I stroked his ego wayyyyy to much, let him know he was the best sex I’ve ever had. Became very catering. However, he became distant towards me. I complained about it and he continued doing it. So I went no contact for 2 weeks. He wrote Happy Valentine’s Day and I responded thanks you also but went right back into no contact. Then a week later I thought that I was being unfair because I technically didn’t break up. So I reached out to him and he responded quickly. Then asked why was I reaching out after not for two weeks. I called him and inadvertently made it look like its because I am oversensitive and that he was pulling away so I gave him space. He talked and questions about my life and the call dropped ( he was on the train) so I sent a text asking were we OK and he said I guess, I said what what can I do to help you know and he said Idk. I cracked a joke and then let him know I’d like to make things better and I don’t know how to interpret his he guess. He read it and never responded. Next day I told him to have a great day. He didn’t read it and haven’t responded. I feel like I extended an olive branch and if he doesn’t want to accept it its not my job to convince me. I will say naturally he avoids confrontation. Another big issue for me because I like talking things out like adults. So I want to move on though its hard but not sure if no contact will work.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 3, 2020 at 10:27 pm

Hi Keke, so I understand that you want to talk through what happened, however if you want to get your ex back you need to follow the no contact rule to allow time apart where you can give him time to get over the break up and start to miss you. And for you to work through your emotions from the break up.

Samantha

February 23, 2020 at 3:23 pm

My ex and I split as he got sudden stress and health issues which started arguments. We had time apart but a gf of mine took it upon herself to keep talking to him despite me asking her not too so I wrote to him explaining things. This instigated contact from him to wrongly accuse me of not letting him speak to who he wants despite only meeting her three times and her not being a close friend for a reason. He Re-ended things and retreated. I’m praying he comes back once again, is this likely?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 27, 2020 at 10:21 pm

Hi Samantha, it doesnt sound like your friend had good intentions!

Give your ex some space and reach out in 30 days

Lana

February 20, 2020 at 7:01 pm

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago because of long distance. We were together a few months then left but we kept it going, there was a lot of arguing bc he didn’t have time. He broke up saying that he doesn’t have time and doesn’t want to disappoint but wanted to keep in touch and being friends. We kept talking, but I reached out the most and got emotional, argued a lot about our break up and he said he still loved me but then another day he said he didn’t and that we had to stop talking to move on. I went on NC for a 2 weeks but broke it and we texted for a few days and now he’s not responding. Will going on NC again work after all this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 10:30 pm

Hi Lana, so yes you can still go into a No Contact but it is important that you 1 – stick to it and 2 – do the work on yourself that is required during that time 🙂

Nat

February 19, 2020 at 2:11 pm

Hi, I’ve been up and down with my emotions. We BU officially 24 days ago,1 year 11 months LDR, I initiated BU then I regretted it and he finally said he didn’t want a relationship any more. After BU i was in NC for 23 days until I sent him a belated birthday message, he replied a day later just saying thank you and hoping I’m ok. What should i do know?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 19, 2020 at 9:06 pm

Hi Nat so we do not break No Contact with a birthday message, you should reach out after 30 days with a text that Chris suggests. If you want to follow this program make sure you read the information given on this website starting with a full 30 day no contact

sara

February 18, 2020 at 9:20 am

Hi, I didn’t contact my ex after he broke up with me for two weeks, but then I followed him on instagram but I didn’t text him at all ,except that I watched his stories for 2 weeks. But then I stopped it altogether and even stopped watching his stories. Two weeks of radio silence drove and then he texted me long random texts of helping me in something and I just responded very short casual replies. and then he left the converstation. Please tell me what should I do now ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 11:11 pm

Hi Sara if you want your ex back then you need to start getting into conversations to work up the value ladder improving the quality of your conversations to re attract your ex

Marigold

February 11, 2020 at 9:50 am

It’s been 18 days since the no contact. I had accepted the breakup gracefully, and since we had been together for more than a year I thought he would respond and it wouldn’t matter if I broke the no contract rule. I sent him a pretty long, heartfelt text about how I accept everything that has taken place, but how I would like for him to talk to me about it. He saw it, but hasn’t responded, and has continued ignoring me when I see him. What should I do and how does this affect my chances of getting back together?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 11, 2020 at 10:59 pm

Hi Marigold, so you needed to complete No Contact properly – 1, without sending emotional messages or asking your ex to talk 2, not reaching out for a minimum of 30 days 3, working on yourself to become Ungettable and then start planning your first text to send to your ex, one that Chris recommends in the articles

Solari

February 9, 2020 at 11:35 am

my ex init contact after 30 day of no contact with me and after 2 weeks of interaction i did mistake by asking her to back together before re-attract her, i did some mistakes as well by talking about the relationship.
she said she want time to think and then she back after less than 2 weeks she said no we can’t be together .
is there still chance? or i hurt my chances, 3 days after she reject she replied to my story in Facebook and again we had good interaction for 2 days but then we stopped,
what should i do no contact again? if yes for how long?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 15, 2020 at 4:54 pm

Hey Solari, so you have to restart No Contact where you ignore your ex for 30 days and then reach out again but re build your attraction and rapport. Knowing where you went wrong is good it gives you an idea on what to do next time

Dawn

January 27, 2020 at 2:19 am

How do I keep up on the no contact rule if my ex is threatening self harm or suicide. She went onto a social media account that only I was connected to and implied self harm/suicide. Were where together for 5 years and she broke up with me. Why is she doing this? Is she really going through a hard time or trying to manipulate me to answer.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 30, 2020 at 10:31 pm

Hi Dawn, you get in touch with her close loved ones friends family and show them what you have seen and explain why you are worried about them

Trixie

January 23, 2020 at 6:59 am

Hello, so my ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago after a one year relationship. and i really miss him, tonight i just told him that i needed to clear things out and is a reason why i haven’t replied to him for one day, and i want to attempt the no contact rule. He currently has interest in another girl but unfortunately doesn’t talk to him as much, and I wonder if doing the no contact rule will work well and make him miss me? I would love to do the NCR for as long as I can but I also want to wonder if it will help get me back to having a relationship again, although, i have made a huge mistake and begging and saying that I still loved him, will it still work?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 23, 2020 at 9:52 am

Hey Trixie yes it will still work but make sure you are doing the work that is needed on yourself during your no contact

Jdmcy

January 17, 2020 at 12:11 am

Thank you so much!
So does that means i should text him after 45 days of proper NC? Or is better way to wait him to chase me?
And what if everything will be the same? His bad behave and his wish to hurt me pretty bad? Im afraid cuz im so insecure.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 2:03 pm

I suggest you work on yourself so that you are no longer insecure and find your self worth! You need to reach out to your ex after 45 days with a text that Chris suggests, but if you are met with anger and hostility as a response you need to go back into a No Contact as your ex needs more time away from you until they are less angry.

Jdmcy

January 10, 2020 at 4:49 pm

I went in relationship with my ex 2months, in those two months first went everything cool and calm, but in the middle of second month he was so lost, he didnt wanted to talk to me. Im said i wouldnt call, and disturb him until he call me. However, i didnt called him and when he’s called me im responsed, everytime. But both of us knew we have a problem. After this, 2 weeks waiting for some change in our relationship. But it didnt happend. So i decided to breakup. He was in no contact rule 12 days, after that he called me, we’ve been talked 1 min. After that he didnt called me one and half week. When he called me second time i’ve answered and we ‘re talked one hour. He said he is bad and he is an ashole, and that im not guilty. Im asked him what Am I to him. He said you ‘re my ex. He is also said he went with other girls after our breakup but he didnt found me. Just this, cold. He said he will call me at morning, he didnt. He didnt wished me happy holidays and happy birthday. And now he is on my no contact rule third time, it lasts 11days. And now i wouln’t break it. Can you please tell me how long should i wait for no contact rule? Which type of behave should i have? And how can i fix my relationship? Should i text him after this period od for example 30 days? Or to wait him call me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2020 at 9:03 pm

Hi Jdmcy, so you need to go into a proper NC where you do not answer the phone to him anymore and you ignore him for a solid 45 days. Work on yourself in that time, you need to do a lot of work on the Ungettable girl qualities!

Andrea

January 3, 2020 at 3:05 pm

My ex girlfriend broke up with me in jan 2019. It was a 2 year long distance relationship but we were very close! Eachtime we met it was amazing and passionate! She cares about me although she said to me that we will not get back together. I have been failing no contact miserably and after 20 days of no contact she texted me asking why I wasn’t replying? And i just screwed it up and became very emotional! Now i am in no contact again!
Rebeca

December 31, 2019 at 2:39 pm

I started the no contact rule and two weeks into it my ex contacted me. He sent me a text and I replied short after he called me. We spoke about an hour… we talked about everything except our relationship. A few days later he asks me if I can help with something I hesitate but eventually I agreed. We meet and after a long day together we ended Up having sex. Which I know i messed up, I feel confused now because he is back to not texting me.
jane

December 30, 2019 at 6:10 am

my boyfriend broke up with me on December 16 after I just came from holiday. we live together for 1 yr and 3 months At first he keeps texting me and motivating me to move on with my life. We love each other, but he thinks he can’t make me happy because he doesn’t want kids and marriage. I like those things but he totally misunderstood me. I love him more than anything. 1 week after the break up we still keep in touch because of my stuff in his house. he occasionally calls me and says he still loves me so much and misses me. 1 night I broke down and message him I didn’t deserve that he let me go easily after I did everything for him. I told him no woman will ever do whatever I did for him and no woman will accept him like how I accepted everything about him. And then I blocked him everywhere. he went to our friends and cried and ask for a help to fix our relationship. they called me but it was 4 am in the morning and i didn’t answer the phone call. the next day he becomes a jerk to me accusing me that I have another guy. knowing that he wanted to fix our relationship I keep texting him for 3 days after that and beg to talk. whenever I block him he just makes way to text me rudely, which he knows I will respond because I want to explain myself. then 2 weeks after the breakup, I get tired with the whirlwind of emotion and confusing signal so I asked him 1 last time to say in my face that he doesn’t need me in his life anymore so I can leave him alone, he told me to leave him alone and don’t bother him but he never said he doesn’t need me anymore. And that’s it, its been 3 days I do not message him. I’m implementing the no contact rule, I don’t know if this is still effective after 2 weeks of chasing and backing off, chasing and backing off.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 5:07 am

Hi Jane yes definitely go into a No Contact! And stick with it too! It does not sound healthy the way he keeps coming back and forth and then getting so angry with you. If he does not want marriage and children, and you do want those things then you really need to listen to that as people spend more time in a relationship thinking the other will change their mind and they dont. During your no contact that is something you need to really think about, if he never wants children, are you willing to accept that for yourself?

Kylee

December 29, 2019 at 2:35 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me the night before I flew to my hometown for the holidays. We also live together. He gave me a ton of mixed signals during the breakup and left me super confused. I was excited to try NC. But I broke down & called him after a week to get some answers about how he was feeling now & our living arrangement when I get back. He told me that there was no chance for us to ever get back together; he felt free & happy with his decision, but explained that he didn’t want to hurt me. He also mentioned he wants me to find happiness with someone else, but there is no one else in his life. I have started NC again, however, I am not sure if I should even try at this point. Thank you!
Nicole

December 29, 2019 at 2:53 am

My boyfriend of 3 months (known each other 4 years) broke up with me on the 15th. We didnt fight and got along great. It was more like “something is wrong with me and I need to figure it out.” He has an injury, has been off work for a prolonged period of time, and is feeling down. He did post some sad posts about heartbreak in the following days, but I didn’t break no contact. But, he had my son’s (not his) Christmas gift at his house so I did go get it, but immediately went back to no contact starting on Dec 23rd. Tonight, I accidently hit a button on fb that called him. I never use fb calling and wasn’t even on the messenger screen. I hung up right away, but of course it shows a missed call from me. Urgh! I’m upset about it. Do I start all over with the 30 days again. Just the timing of our break up sucks with the holidays and my birthday. I’m just really embarrassed for him to have a missed call from me. If I wanted to talk to him, I would have just let it ring and cover myself with words.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 29, 2019 at 11:42 pm

Hey Nicole yes start over with the 30 days you need to not reach out, text, call, email or anything of sorts. Along with not watching any social media activity

Rebecca

November 21, 2019 at 9:48 pm

My partner and I lived together for 2 years. I have since almost entirely moved out. We had this break until he reached out agreement to see if we could try this again or just be friends. We went 4 days before I broke NC and told him I wouldnt wait indefinitely and would only wait till shortly After New Years. He knows i’.waiting which I know was an mistake. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 12:09 am

Hey Rebecca, so because you told him you are willing to wait you have basically bought him time to do what he wants. You need to go with your friends and live your life, showing on social media that you are out with friends, it would be beneficial if you had male and female friends around you so he can worry about the possiblity of you moving on. You need to complete a full 30 day No contact during this time too where you do not reach out to him and you do not reply to anything he may send you. Read about how to become Ungettable and make sure you are doing the work that is needed to follow the process to get him back

Kayla

November 18, 2019 at 11:30 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. We were together for a year and he used to be obsessed with me. He is going through a hard time with depression right now and working on himself and that’s why he ended things. But when we were saying goodbye he said “I don’t think this is the end for us” I applied no contact for a month then when I was drunk I saw him at a restaurant sitting by himself. Later that night I went out with friends and I texted him saying “not to be annoying but I saw u at the restaurant are you okay” wnd he replied “yeah I’m alright” did I screw up no contact? Is there anything else I can do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 1:26 pm

Hi Kayla so if you havent completed a full 30 days No Contact then yes you did mess it up, also this is not the ideal reach out for the first time either. You need to read some more materials that Chris has posted to the website on how to navigate yourself through this, to give yourself your best chance follow the program properly and read through as much of the information that applies to you

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201 thoughts on “What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)”