What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)

201 thoughts on “What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)”

Please Help

March 3, 2019 at 6:19 pm

Hi again Chris, I broke NC to tell my ex to stop viewing my Snapchat stories & screenshooting them (selfies of me) we broke up a week ago but I did it through text and blocked him immediately after my sister saw him at her work with his ex before me (she and I are going to court in a week over her physically assaulting me) with that being said he texted me saying to get my stuff. I told him to throw it out. He asked even the wallet? I said yes. (I have all my cards with me the wallet had rewards stuff) then he demanded he wanted his sweater back and to tell someone he wants it back. I told him I will have a friend drop it off somehow to him if I give his number to correspond. He got really upset and said no he just wants me to figure it out and get my stuff back. I told him I don’t want it and I’ll figure it out. Last thing he said was “you didn’t even ask me what I was doing that day so I find this all funny” then I ignored that part of the message and told him I’ll figure out dropping off his stuff to him and blocked him. He still seems very angry and in denial of doing anything wrong. Millions of things are going through my head like she is pregnant and that’s why he’s with her, seems only logical explanation why he would hurt me by being with her again and why he freaked out whenever I wanted to go to her town to this restaurant. It’s eating me up when I been nothing but honest and faithful to him and I thought he felt the same way by telling me he wanted us to build a future and family to this. I started NC again but what if he somehow messages about his things again. Or goes into the subject of “that day?”

Chris Seiter

March 3, 2019 at 6:28 pm

Hi there…yep…our minds can race with all kinds of thoughts about all kinds of crazy scenarios when we are in the vulnerable state following a breakup. Just know that your worst fears are seldom right. Keep your focus on those things you should be doing during NC. I cover them all in great detail in my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, so pick that up if you haven’t already as it will serve as your Companion Guide during the NC process and afterwords.

Israfil

January 22, 2019 at 8:27 pm

My ex gf dumped me I tried everything to get her,she promised me she will return when ill be well settle person will good job I did for her everything she contacted me reached out to me,but slow slow she ignored me and later on I found she looking someone else and she start drinking alcohol I inform her parents,and her sister her sister tried to help me out for getting her back but later on my girlfriend manipulate her then her sister against me she insult me and all me and my ex gf was in 9years strong relationship strong connection,I feel like she still missing me because her friends inform me she sits alone and all the time she thinking something, please help me what should I do? please help me I didn’t try no contact rule yet

Chris Seiter

January 22, 2019 at 10:29 pm

Looks like you would benefit from NC.

Michelle

December 8, 2018 at 2:58 am

Hi Chris,
You’re right. We had a good 2-3 days where things felt like we were getting back to normal but now again he said we shouldn’t talk. He says he needs alone time to focus on himself in order to be happy again. This past month he has been so depressed with losing his job and he feels like a stranger in his own home. He’s from new york and moved to australia at 22 to play rugby. He loved it so much he decided to stay and has been living there for the past 4 years. He came back to live in new york in April because he thought he missed his family and that he would get a job and do better over here. He was dating a girl over there for 3.5 years and they actually have a house together that is still being fixed up. He keeps going back and forth about whether he wants to stay here or move back to Australia. How do I win someone back who wants to move away?
Michelle

December 2, 2018 at 4:49 am

Hi Chris so once again me and my ex are back together. On Sunday he said he wasn’t feeling this anymore so on Monday I sent him a clean slate text. We have so far broken up 2 times. On Wednesday he calls me 9 times in 12 minutes and texts me non stop. The last text he is very angry at me. I finally text him on Thursday saying that I just need some space and I wasn’t trying to be rude. He answers back that he overreacted and that he would like to call me. We speak and he’s like i miss you so much. I care about you and love you and think you are a good fit for me. We wind up doing dinner and everything goes back to normal but then again 2 days later he’s acting weird and keeps saying something is missing. I’ve been a little distant because I don’t want to come off as needy and he accused me of not being into him. He’s so lovey dovey when we get back together and then goes back to being his normal self the next day. He got laid off a month ago and ever since then things have been so weird between us. I don’t know what to do anymore. What the heck with all the back and forth? Why does he keep doing this and what should I do?

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2018 at 5:10 pm

Hi Michelle…its kind of crazy isn’t it for a guy who isn’t “feeling it” to invest so much time and energy trying to contact you. He does seem emotionally unstable and perhaps he should consider exploring some counseling for his own good as this back and forth is not emotionally healthy. You should consider doing a longer period of no contact. Perhaps he will come to realize that his behavior can not be tolerated or he can lose you forever.

Michelle

November 19, 2018 at 4:09 am

Hey Chris,
We were looking at my facebook together and he saw that I posted something and read what I posted. We’re together now but he is acting differently, like less lovey dovey and being a little distant. I don’t know why I have it in my head that he is talking to another girl. What do I do if i’m actually in a relationship with him? Give him space? Thank you!
Michelle

November 17, 2018 at 5:56 am

Hey Chris,

So after 2 days of no contact my ex contacts me. He calls and texts and is extremely angry saying he wants to drop my things off and that I’m being very rude. I answer saying we both decided on space and that I was focusing on myself. He says he wants to see me and talk and see if there is still a spark. We wind up seeing each other and he is very lovey dovey saying that he misses me and wants to get back together. We get back together. I actually posted in the FB group earlier that day explaining my situation and what I should do about it (because he kept calling and texting) and he actually happened to see it. So he now knows my game plan was to do a 21 day no contact rule. He wasn’t mad but I think in his eyes he thought I was so strong when I was ignoring him. I’m just thinking if he breaks up with me again he knows what I will do. That makes me really nervous and I don’t know if its in my head that he’s now acting differently. I don’t know if it’s because he read my post in the EBR group, or that we are now back together, or i’m just overthinking everything. Any adivce?

Chris Seiter

November 18, 2018 at 7:35 pm

Hi Michelle!

Well, he must be some super duper detective to have found you on the ERP Group as it is very hard to find and he would not be able to read any post you made unless he was a member of the Group.. What matters is sticking with your ex recovery plan and focusing on your own healthy recovery.

Natasha

October 19, 2018 at 2:16 am

Hi Chris.

I was with my fiance for over 2 and half years and we have a baby together. We ended up in long distant relationship and in the last 3 months he has been hot cold with me. 2 weeks ago he said it was over and i started the nc he made contact and ignored him except when he asked about baby. Last night we ended up talking but it the conversation was mainly based on our baby. Will i need to start the nc all over ?

Chris Seiter

October 19, 2018 at 3:07 am

Hi Natasha!

When you share a baby, it is important that some communications occur…so in those cases NC becomes limited No Contact. No, you won’t need to extend NC. Maybe extend it a bit. Its a flexible principle and has to be adapted for your situation.

Sam

October 16, 2018 at 12:15 pm

Hi Chris!

Long story short: he broke up with me, we saw each other 3 days later to exchange our things and he told me that he would prefer a break and to let him know if I would also like a break instead. 1 week later I told him that a break was a good idea because he told me that he regretted breaking up and that he wanted us back. I was so happy. We talked for 1 week on and off(and got intimate, big mistake I know) and he went back to not wanting to be in a relationship, but still wanting the break. 3 days later I decided that the break was too hard on me and that it was better if we broke up for good but we decided together to reevaluate in 3 months after some time apart.
Now I’m scared that I messed everything up by not doing NC properly the first time around and have been doing NC for 10 days, but I have to see him on day 14 because of an event.
Is it too late to get my ex back?

Thank you for your help
Sam

Chris Seiter

October 17, 2018 at 1:19 am

Hi Sam!

If you are not confident in how you are executing your No Contact Rule strategy, then consider picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Its 247 pages in length and goes into great detail.

Kristen

October 13, 2018 at 3:28 am

Hi Chris,

So I’m still in the middle of my NC contact period. I know you recommend on your site moving on without moving on and trying to maybe go on a date with someone else while in NC. I’m not really ready to meet someone new. So I was wondering if it would be ok to go on a date with another former ex? (One I’m completely over.) Or is that a really bad idea? This former ex asked me to meet up. And I don’t know, it would just be nice to have a distraction and I rather hang out with someone I know. Thanks.

Chris Seiter

October 14, 2018 at 9:58 pm

Hi Kristen!

Its up to you. What matters is what makes you happy. if it stirs up a little jealousy, fine. But the key is your emotional health and gaining some perspective and enjoying life’s moments. Also, feel free to pick up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” if you want to take a deeper five into the NC process

Jesica

October 11, 2018 at 11:28 pm

Hi I’m already on my 28th of NC when he contacted me, so I replied him. Is this considered as “failing”? Also, how do you determine if you should apply 21 days, 30 days or 60 days of NC?

Chris Seiter

October 12, 2018 at 3:03 am

I don’t think so. NC periods can range 21 to 45 days. You should go pick up one of my Ebooks so you are up to speed on all aspects of the process.

Sylvia

October 10, 2018 at 6:05 am

Would it be considered “failing” if I have gone completely no contact on him for almost a full year? Neither of us has tried initiating contact and i’m too stubborn and worried that i will seem needy if i’m the first person to contact him. I truly miss him and want to give us a shot but i dont want to look weak

Chris Seiter

October 11, 2018 at 4:46 am

Hi Sylvia!

You should pick up my eBook and take a close look at my program! I think 1 year of both people being stubborn leaves too much in the uncertainty department. Better to reach out softly in the way I discuss in my books to get a read on where things stand.

Kristen

October 9, 2018 at 4:18 am

I’m on day 9 of NC and I am going to try my hardest to not break it. I started it the day after we broke up. I’m not gonna lie, every day I’m a little disappointed he hasn’t reached out yet. But I’m trying really hard to keep busy and work on myself. I think the hardest part, is wondering if it’s working at all (one him) and stopping myself from reaching out cause I miss him so much. Do you see success stories where the ex didn’t reach out at all during NC? Does that happen often?

Chris Seiter

October 10, 2018 at 2:22 am

Hi Kristen!

That happens all the time. Some guys can be stubborn and won’t reach out. Or they are afraid to. Or they don’t want to. Or they do finally reach out. You won’t know for awhile. But your focus should be on “you” and your healing and doing things to showcase and reinforce your value such that he might notice. This is what I talk about in my books and on the site.

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201 thoughts on “What To Do If You Fail Your No Contact Rule (Will It Work A Second Time?)”