Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
april joy
October 6, 2015 at 8:54 am
I really need advice. I only saw my ex for an hour (that was last April) since over a year ago. We had a long distance relationship. We didn’t have any communication due to his police training since May 2015. Suddenly, 3 days ago, he texted me that its over and that he can’t feel any love for me anymore. I admit I begged, and said I love and miss him. We’ve been together for almost five years. He denies third party. Is it still possible to get him back? I really love him. Could NC still work in my situation?
Cherie
October 6, 2015 at 3:59 am
I’ve been reading the posts on here for a while now, even before I needed the help. I always thought it was amazing how many women it’s helped, especially with such (seemingly) simple tactics! I know you’re supposed to send a voice mail, but I wouldn’t be able to gather my thoughts clearly enough to leave a message that way; this is my last cry for help on the subject. Dramatic, I know… but it’s the truth. I’ll try to be as short as possible:
My ex and I broke up 5-6 years ago. I was the one who did the deed, and it was very cruelly. We were 19 at the time and had been dating four years. There was no lost love, I simply couldn’t handle the issues that came with our relationship; but I also couldn’t bring myself to leave him without a crutch, so I latched onto someone else and left. We still kept in contact for a while, but then ended it after maybe a year.
Recently, maybe a couple of months ago, he contacted me again. I didn’t get my hopes up, I didn’t want to expect anything, though I was clearly hoping for reconciliation and some kind of friendship no matter how slight. It was fine for a while, good enough that we decided to meet up. By the end of it he’d cried, kissed my hand, and told me he wanted me to take him from her (I forgot to mention he started dating a friend of mine not long after we broke up, they’re still together). I didn’t acknowledge that, I couldn’t, I didn’t know what was going on in their relationship and assumed he was just reaching out for comfort and our memories. I felt like I was right, since not long after that he pushed back hard and we simply chatted/played games for a good while. Then he started up again, telling me he missed me, my touch etc. I took a dive and expressed my feelings… nothing was returned, not directly.
Finally, today, I called him on it; I told him how I felt and that he needed to stop saying things like that to me if he didn’t mean them. He told me there was too much going on in his life right then to think about it; that right now I wasn’t even anything much. That I was a friend now, and that was it until we met up again. I said alright to that… then not even a half hour later he began diving in on his sex drive (he and his current aren’t very intimate he says, along with multiple other minor issues he’s expressed), how easily he could attract this girl he works with, and how he got her number on facebook. After that I told him he either still really hated me, or felt something very spiteful towards me. (“That’s not true. I’ll stop bringing it up.”) I told him that when we were together, before I ended it, I put heart and soul into making him happy, and that I know he remembers it. I told him that hadn’t changed, but I wouldn’t give anything to someone who considers me nothing. That when he figures himself out and decides on what he wants, when he stops looking at me the way he looks at all these other girls, I’d be the best damn friend he’s ever had.
He got angry with me then: Okay. That’s fine. You just want friendship.
“I want more than that, you don’t.”
He: Of course not. I told you a long time ago I wouldn’t do anything stupid.
“But you have been. Never mind, it doesn’t matter, I said what I had to say.”
He: No it doesn’t matter
“Why are you angry?”
He: Because it’s 11:30 and we’re still on this shit.
“Okay. I’ll see you later then I hope.”
He: Whatever. I’m here when you want to talk.
I thought I understood what he was feeling, but after he started talking about another girl… almost as soon as I expressed my feelings, I just couldn’t believe he was doing anything more than stringing me along for his own ego or something similar. I still want to be with him, very, very much. So I thought I’d start today with your no contact rule, and I won’t have a problem with it after tonight. I won’t make myself someone’s puppet… but am I right about that? Or do I have a chance with him?
Well…. that was much longer than I meant it to be. Still… I know you’re very busy, so I won’t hold my breath for a reply, but I’d certainly love one if you have the time. Either way, thank you for this site. Even if there are things you know in your head, it helps to read/hear them from someone else.
Sarah
October 6, 2015 at 1:42 am
we broke up over text with him telling me to please stop contacting him as we don’t get along and there’s no point dragging things out further. A few more back and forths then he said he was sorry to be so tough on me but I never miss being tough on him and he wouldn’t reply further or read or listen to any of my messages. I’m now almost week3 of NC. It seems hopeless. After buying your system I’ve done NC on him before and we got back in contact . But he’s having a lot of issues in his life and is not good about contacting or seeing me. Which is constantly an issue for me and causes lots of fights. I should add that more often than not when I see him we don’t have sex so that’s not why he sees me when he does. I’m currently working on a 45 day NC and will decide whether to contact him when I get to the end of it. Last NC I did I got to 5 weeks before contacting him. Didn’t hear from him at all that whole time, but got an immediate and positive response when I contacted him. Maybe I should just give up.
Sarah
October 11, 2015 at 12:58 am
I’m just really apprehensive about contacting someone who told me not to and who said he won’t respond or even read my messages. Is it hopeless? Is 45 days NC the right move?
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 3:53 am
I wouldn’t give up just yet.
Leave no stone unturned and then you can give up.
Laura
October 6, 2015 at 12:16 am
Hi Chris,
thanks for all your guides they are really helpful. i was just wondering what to do in my situation. my ex bf was/is my best friend for four years. we drifted apart because he suffered with depression. being with someone with depression is tricky because we ended up both pushing each other away, without it ultimately being anyones fault! because we are aware that its no ones fault, the feeling of closeness is still there. i supported him through it and he really appreciates that. we broke up for some space (we still contacted each other in this time) but a couple of weeks after he started dating someone else. he says its serious, (it does seem so when he talks about her) and he dosnt think he could have feeling for me again in the future. i kind of thought now that he was better and we had some space we could really have a go at our relationship. but now it seems like its to late? even though he has a new gf, recently we have been getting closer and closer like old times. we meet up every week, he messages me often, we support each other and it feels like we are really enjoying each others company and he gets jealous if i talk about new boys . i really want more than a friendship though! i dont know if going in to nc will damage how close we have gotten recently? although if i dont go into nc will it just feel like he has both of us and gets the best of both worlds this way? he knows i want to get back with him, i think maybe he just likes the excitement and easyness of the new relationship and the support of his ex? im scared if i just randomly implememt nc, when we have just gotten even closer, that i will just look horrible and may loose my best friend in the process! i just really want him back but dont want to loose/hurt him in the process? what do you think, should i just withdraw so im there but no longer at his beck and call(implying im moving on), complete full nc or shall i just carry on trying to get closer with him and having fun? thanks for your time 🙂
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 3:53 am
Yes I definitely think you should remove yourself from being at his beck and call as you described it.
LD
October 5, 2015 at 8:18 pm
Hi Chris,
(I’ve been trying to post this comment for a few days now but it’s not posting so if they all of a sudden do, I’m sorry lol) anyways, I’m just up at the 30 days for no contact and I don’t know what to say in w text to him at all! I’ve read everything you have to say about trying to make it interesting but can’t seem to come up with something that I feel will make him answer me. Do you have any other suggestions that you think may work the best to get something out when formulating a text??
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 3:55 am
Your good.
I actually cover this exclusively in my new book, The Texting Bible.
Elizabeth
October 5, 2015 at 6:06 pm
Hello Chris,
I completed my 30 days of NC. On day 32, yesterday, I reached out with “I have a confession to make”. And I got no response. I did not send anything else. I am going back into NC for two weeks. Then I will try again. Seeing as he didn’t respond to the “confession” statement, I am thinking he might be more receptive to a text with substance in it…after another two weeks of NC. I’m not sure though? Any suggestions?
Jenny
October 5, 2015 at 12:28 pm
Hej Chris, first of all thank you for your site, it has helped me a lot already! I have read most of your articles and also your book ExboyfriendRecovery Pro. I like your humor and that you are genuine about helping out.
Short about my situation: My ex-boyfriend broke up with me about 1,5 months ago, I am currently doing NC (today is day 21), my ex has not tried to contact me so far which of course is disappointing. Before NC I did message him a couple of times, one pretty emotional message on why I miss him. Apart from that, no major mistakes on my side after break-up.
We were together for 8 months in a very long distance relationship (South America vs. Europe), we have met regularly during this time, almost every month. He is French and I know him from 8 years ago. Back than we met at a work training and had a short romance lasting a couple of months (even at that time point with long distance, although not as long of a distance as now). At that time I broke up with him. I know I have been someone he never completely got over, I have also regretted breaking up with him at that time point. During these 8 years we have had sporadic contact, but he had moved to South America and we were never single again at the same time point. He had a long relationship Before me, that one ended more than a year before we started seeing each other for the second time. I believe it is in our recent relationship, that we really got to know each other. This summer, we spent 4 weeks together and made plans about me moving to South America, but when things started to get real, he broke up with me (I was in my country at this time point), saying he does not feel we are soul mates and that he does not want to make me move to him for him to break up with me later. We are both in our mid thirties, he is 2 years younger than me, maybe this is also stressing us, since I want a family, and he knows that. I really believe we make a great couple, I miss him a lot, I believe men like him are very rare, and I would really want to give this a chance and invest in getting this relationship working, and move there, but right now, that is obviously not the case. We are both internationally minded, so the move would have been something I would have welcomed. I believe, he feels we are different and also towards the end of the relationship I was more into him than the other way around (at the beginning he was more into me). He still finds me attractive and that I am a great person, he said both of this when breaking up. I know at the beginning of our relationship he talked a lot about me and us to his friends (they told me), and I did meet his family and close friends straight away. But he eventually changes his mind, he has said he has felt different about me for a while. He is very stubborn, so I think when he makes his mind up, he will stick to it. Right now, I do not feel I can leave this, without giving it a try to get him back, but I am also afraid of lingering in something that has very little chance of succeeding. I am trying to evolve into the ungettable girl again, which is a challenge, but which I believe I have to learn either way. I know it is not easy for you to tell, but do you have any advise for my situation, would you advice me to move on? Thanks!! Best, Jenny
Jenny
October 6, 2015 at 6:06 am
Thanks for replying! Yes, I would move to South America if things work out between us, and in the long run, I believe both are aiming at going back to Europe.
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 3:57 am
Thanks Jenny!
South America to Europe…
WOW!
So, I am going to ask you the thing that I ask every person in an LDR. Do you have a game plan to eventually be together in a non long distance relationship.
Melissa
October 5, 2015 at 2:08 am
Hi Chris!
do you think if an ex blocks u, is there a chance he will unblock u?
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:00 am
I do.
In fact, I wrote about it here.
RR
October 5, 2015 at 12:31 am
Hi chris,
(I’m 19 and ex is 21 if that helps?) Sorry second attempt.
I have a question about the NC . I messed up during the first week. I contacted him 2 via Facebook (1st time he told me has moved on.. this girl likes him and he likes her..” I thought you’d be happy to hear this but it hurts to see you aren’t happy at all” From Ex) and second time (phone text again ” I don’t want to bring this problem and let it affect someone else. Is too late now RR I can’t do anything”)
A week later Uni starts and my ex’s friends and I meet up just to give them gifts that I bought while on vacation.
Turns out my ex decided to join in. His friends asked me if I wanted to see him… I should have said no. But he was right by me (within the area) so I agreed. We sat down face to face after that 2weeks before we broke up.
Nothing I said worked. I tried to explain my side of the story that I made a terrible choice on emotional state. I couldn’t tell him back then. But all he ever said was HOW he felt. I felt sad, I felt hurt, I was dying thinking what was wrong with you RR. Etc etc
I couldn’t take it I cried I bit but he then towards the end he cracked a little joke here and there and I just followed through.
Departed and never saw him again.
Couple of days later I told him. On text that I wanted to be alone and would not wish to see him around Uni and rather go on my own to fix my issues. That I didn’t want to block him from my life(cause that day we met by the way he wanted me to be friends with him and keep contact because he cares for me. Fricken asks about when every my bffs boyfriend meets him plus those days that I broke the NC he was messaging how he was hurt and cares for me a lot bleh bleh when I started the conversation of course he never started the convo since the day we broke up) .
The girl is some girl he went to highschool way back, they never really knew each other until 3months ago while I was vacation FYI
They became besties (On social media she went on to call him a hunk and attractive I didnt know about this until after the break. because yknow I got curious and bff screwed up telling she found who his new gf is) and yeah only 4 days had a elapsed since the day my ex and broke up.
Fun fact after that 1st facebook message about moving on my ex told me I had been stalking their photos on instagram (looking at the girls mostly since she is completely the opposite of me and is madly in love with him and his too which is less open to telling the world he is in a new relationship) Creepy stalker ex things.
Then after seeing him in person a week later I told him that I’m not going to be around , not willing to talk to him and need to be alone to fix my issues and that I don’t want to block him out of my life and that I know he wants me to be in his just as much as I do. (Filling is ego.. I was being a soft twit because the ex said :” you must really hate me right now for moving on, I responded with yes… I have thoughts of cussing at you and strangling you but I’m not that type of person- The day we met in person after our break up)
I messed up pretty much. I’m kind of stuck as to what do I do. At this point I’m set on fixing myself and the problems that caused me to make an irrational and emotional choice. Not because of him but to prevent from happening to others that I love i.e Parents, siblings, friends, cousins etc etc
I just miss him and the things that came with him. The world I never really saw he showed. I really wanted to meet his parents his sister enjoy sitting down and talking with them . I wanted to be a part of his life for a long time. And he thought it would happen to Until I just cut all strings spontaneously without saying a word leading to the fateful day.
NOW My uni Is just a big fat reminder that everywhere I go .. MY EX is present. We go to the same uni and he is graduating this year.
What should I do? I’m stuck and would sure appreciate some guidance.
RR
October 7, 2015 at 3:08 am
But the longer I take time off to fix that issue… the chance of getting him will go to zero?
Maybe I shouldn’t be bothering with him. But it hurts, my support is gone and kind of felt like my world was crashing downing when I made the mistake..
Should not focus on theNC and wanting him back then?
RR
October 5, 2015 at 12:54 am
Started the contact rule from the 23rd of September and still going strong…
No word yet from him. but I did bump into him during a fire alarm drill…. and he waved to me but i was just damn salty that I didn’t respond much and just walked out the door because we had to exist the building.
I’ve stopped looking for him on social media at some point I check hes new gfs pictures and I must say this girl is very bold and pretty open about how madly in love she is. Not shy like me at all.
I remember my ex talking to me that time when he first met face to face after our break up saying he remembers everything that happen at our uni and he can’t help but remember it all .. nice to know my time with him is forever engraved in our uni cause literally … 90% was spent in our uni area.
Still. Part of me is worried that because I deeply hurt him, by putting through the silence and suddenly coming out of the blue to break up. He won’t come back. And prefers that girl cause she must be open I guess?? Didn’t even take him too long to move on. “Apprenlty he was ready a week before since I was completely different to him” But Chris. I was sexually assulated by a man that my family trust …when I was home alone.. my ex was the first to know. Depression slipped in before I could stop it and…I just threw everyone out the window. Emotionally messed up. And my ex at the time messaged me just a day before we were to meet up… he was sorry for beingg a terrbile bf. I can probably think what you are going through and just do what is best for you.” I became more unstable thinking wow I really made this guy hate himself I’m a shitty person and decided to break up.
That was the issue… and I feel like utter shit telling you this. I never share issues….my depression is something I dont’ share. Guess he never understood me.. how could i expect him to… if I don’t say anything at all?? But I needed time.
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:01 am
I am not a licensed therapist but it seems to me that you need to first overcome this sexual assualt before anything.
Lea
October 4, 2015 at 9:46 pm
It’s been two weeks and I’m still the one who contacts him first all the time and I’m start to worry that I am gnat because of that fact. It is so humiliating and every time I contact him first, I’m scared that he will roll his eyes “oh, her again”. Even though our conversations are good, but also not so good as I expected. We talk almost every day. But he always goes somewhere so I really can’t make those conversations longer or more meaningful.
Should I stop texting him for a week?
Your Avid Follower
October 4, 2015 at 8:35 pm
Hey Chris I’ve been trying to get a reply for the past month and a half but haven’t so i’m reposting here hope you don’t mind.
As you know my ex has been calling me and hiding his number so that it appears as no caller ID just to hear my voice and stays silent. (It’s been a little over a year apart and he’s back to dating his high school ex who was an almost immediate rebound that has just stuck because he uses girls as an emotional crutch (that phrase was coined by his best friend so not even me)) The app I got to unmask his number has registered his number enough so that is it shows up on my actual caller ID after it unmasks. He called August 15th and I finally had the right moment and proof that i had been waiting for all these months, I missed his call and called back two hours later. The first time I called he I think picked up but there was no voice so he could have muted or it could have have been a glitch, I said hello and then cut. I called once more but he let it ring till it went to voicemail and he was online on whatsapp so I know he purposely didn’t pick up as he has mentioned before his girlfriend has told him not to speak to me.
So this is how our texting message went:
Me: I missed your call earlier?
Him: didn’t call.. ?
Me: Got a miss call from your number
Him: didn’t call tho?
I then sent him a screenshot of the miss call with his name on my generic caller id so i never had to bring up the app.
Him:
nah it wasn’t me
(second consecutive message):
nothing on my call log
my bad if I did
Me: I’ve been getting a bunch from your number since the last time we spoke otp
Him:
haven’t been in the U.S. dont know
how it’s possible
maybe something’s up with my phone
my bad..
Me:
I mean since feb
But I had called to say if you wanna talk I’ll pick up even if you don’t dial *67 first
Him: nah legit I haven’t called you
Both the fact that he hasn’t been in the us and that he hasn’t been calling are a lie and denial of the truth, he’s only been out of the US for three weeks this summer. What is your opinion on the convo/situation?
A few days after that call happen he left to go back home (asia) and was suppose to return back a week or two later for the start of the semester, he’s a transfer student and so had to stay back one semester to finish some classes. Although he was enrolled for this semester and knowing he has to take these to graduate he hasn’t come back, i don’t know what the situation is and how he isn’t back maybe he managed to take the remaining classes online or something not sure. But basically he’s back in the same city as his girlfriend now as she has graduated as well. I’m in the year below so I thought this prolonged comfort rebound would end once she had left the US unable to visit much and we both were in the same city instead and these calls over 6 months would finally accumulate to a conversation of some sort finally, like SOMETHING.
Only day before did I really find out he’s not here because although she’s not been posting about him on snapchat as far as I know but she did two days ago which shocked me completely to find out he’s not coming back I guess and is still with her at club night for her cousin’s birthday…..
These calls only come when we’re in the same city and now that the realisation has dawned that we won’t be anymore I have no idea what to do anymore, how to get him back or how to improve my chances, like nothing after this past year of constant mind games with each other especially from his side. It almost feels like we’re going through the breakup all over because even though we weren’t together this past year it still felt like it because of the weird ways of contact each other.
What do I do? And for any reason I ever get the chance to talk to him again like if he calls again somehow what should I say after already confronting him in the conversation at the start of this post. This guy clearly still cares for me and knows he should come talk to me because clearly his girlfriend isn’t a distraction enough to make him forget me and definitely knows she can never do what I did for him but despite knowing this hasn’t started a legitimate conversation with me. He’s not over me but I don’t know how to make his want to act on that emotion much stronger, especially now that he’s not coming back which has utterly freaked me out.
Your Avid Follower
October 20, 2015 at 8:16 am
I have tried jealousy for a long time but I stopped because for every photo I uploaded which I know would shake him (because as it is he was always very insecure and didn’t like any guys around and especially a select few) a photo of him would go up to shake me. Eventually I couldn’t take it and didn’t want him rubbing his girlfriend in my face so I seized fire so that every other morning we don’t both wake up to “heartattacks” and constant battles.
I recently took some fun photo booth photos at my best friend’s birthday over the weekend, some of those photos include a few guys he never liked and new guys I’ve met after the breakup as well as girls too should I post them? Mind you it is this girl’s birthday at the end of the month tho so my only worry was that me posting would make him want to Uncharacteristically post for her birthday as a retaliation.
What is the best way you have seen of jolting an ex into full realization of what he’s missing out on ( he knows I just need that to over power him now)?
Your Avid Follower
October 17, 2015 at 9:36 am
Considering he still does have feelings for me as you agreed and is acting just as “crazy” as me if not more I would say in some respects. Although he would look like a flip flopper which is what you said he might be afraid of how do I make his urge to leave her and come back outweight his fear? Especially since he isn’t studying here anymore I am at loss for a game plan?
All the advice in your articles has lead me to this point of keeping his interest and not letting him move on emotionally even though he has physically.
Chris Seiter
October 18, 2015 at 11:26 pm
Well, in my book it all comes down to influence.
You have to influence him so much that he will overlook everything and be with you.
There are a lot of ways to do it.
But I think he needs a jolt to his system to kind of realize what he is missing out with you.
Now, what to do…
Have you tried any jealousy?
Your Avid Follower
October 14, 2015 at 1:33 am
So given that he still does have feelings for me and is acting just as “crazy” as me if not more I would say in some respects. Although he would look like that how do I make his urge to leave her and come back outweight his fear of how he might look? Especially since he isn’t studying here anymore I’m at a loss at what to do to get him back and the game plan to do so because everything I’ve done via your articles I feel has lead me to this point of keeping his interest and not letting him move on emotionally even though he has physically. But what next? What’s your advice/the one imperative thing that’ll take me furthest/fastest to getting him back and communicating with me?
Your Avid Follower
October 13, 2015 at 12:29 am
Awwwn, so clearly you understand the relevance of 11:11 and the meaning it can have to people especially me and my ex and still does. You never gave you your opinion or advice on the situation tho? What should I do especially now that he’s left without even saying anything and what do you make of his antics? It feels like he wants to come back and knows he should but won’t maybe because of comfort because its very clear she’s no me. Would you agree?
Chris Seiter
October 14, 2015 at 1:01 am
I definitely understand the significance.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I think it could be that he feels like he will look like a flip flopper too if he comes back and will lose credibility.
Your Avid Follower
October 8, 2015 at 7:25 am
Awwwn, so clearly you understand the relevance of that number that it can have to people especially me and my ex and still does.
You never gave you your opinion or advice on the situation tho? What should I do especially now that he’s left without even saying anything and what do you make of his antics?
Your Avid Follower
October 5, 2015 at 7:31 pm
I just wanted to add that even though he’s back there he still comes online on whatsapp regularly at 11:11 because that’s our thing, even today he was offline for an hour (you can see the timestamp on whatsapp incase you don’t use this app) and exactly at 11:11 he came online. It’s like we both wait to see if the other will be there and for that moment its a recognition of each other.
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 3:55 am
11:11…
Thats the date my wife and I got married.
How crazy.
Minnie
October 4, 2015 at 7:35 pm
Hi Chris!
I have finished no contact for 45 days and now I am trying to contact again. It can be seen that he just trying to reply in a polite way, because he knows I always over thinking and he may not want to make me tired. I have read many articles of you. They all mention that I have to seen a really interesting message that make he want to reply. But I’m not a interesting person. It’s really hard for me to do something creative or interesting. I just text him some kind of caring messages to make him feel I’m a careful girl and I care about him. Of course not too much like his mother. While I am trying to show the changes of my life on facebook (more going out with friends, busy with working, smile a lot bla bla..), but he doesn’t follow me so maybe he cannot know about it. That’s everything I have done.
Unfortunately, one of our mutual friends told him that I want him back crazily. I’ve done NC for 45 days so I don’t want to continue any more, it will make me lost my chances. Now, well, he almost knows everything I am going to do. So I feel really awkward whenever I send him text. What should I do now? Please help me. If you remember my story, I had won him back for once time but then I lost him again. I really hope that he can be back and stay with me.
Sandra
October 7, 2015 at 5:18 pm
The texts you should be sending has >nothing< to do with you being intereresting. Instead, send something which reminds him of the good-ol'-times from your post-relationship.
From my opinion, you shouldn't text that you care about him in any way. This will state the fact that you still love him, and altough you really do, that's not what you want to be showing him. Why? You're chasing him and you know what happens when you chase something? They run away from you.
It's a disadvantage not having him as a follower or a friend, but if your relationship was good and if he once cared and loved you he will possibly check your page now and then.
A friend told him that you want your ex back? If your relationship was good, your ex will probably feel good about himself that you still love him and found out about it. Yet again, this is not what you want. You want him to chase you and not the other way around.
Therefore, this time, after the long days you've lived through -you'll have to be THE UNGETTABLE GIRL -the girl which seem AND is attractive but hard to get and she get chased by guys OFTEN and all this can be learned by Chris E-book.
Your ex knows nothing of what you can do! If you know what he thinks, wich no one except him can, you will then do the exact opposite of it. For example: If you think he knows that you care and love him then show him the opposite: care less about him and care more about you instead.
Minnie
October 6, 2015 at 6:08 am
Hi, can you see my comment Chris?
Chris Seiter
October 11, 2015 at 7:02 am
I actually can’t.
Can you repost it for me?
Peace
October 4, 2015 at 4:26 pm
Hi chris,
Your friend “Ashley” that you mention in your post about how long it takes to take back your ex boyfriend. She said time and patience but during her process, did she sometimes contact her ex?
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:04 am
No one is perfect haha.
MARYSOL
October 4, 2015 at 5:55 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I broke up a few years ago at the end of college and I did NC at the time. I suppose I’ve used one of my shots at the goal after that initial period and the conversation really went nowhere (this is 2 years ago. I used the excellent line “Happy Birthday” and he responded “Thanks – hope you’re well” and that was the end of that). I’ve had a couple good relationships since then but I keep coming back to this ex in my mind – I think he is the one that got away.
He lives within the same general area and as far as my understanding, he is still single. After all of this time, would it still be appropriate to make contact this way via text out of the blue? Or should I just give up on this idea?
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:07 am
I think it’s appropriate.
Molly
October 4, 2015 at 12:29 am
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I are both seniors in college. We dated mid-march to the beginning of august after having talked for months. Everything was great in the beginning, however, since we were and still are beginning to start our careers and plan for our lives outside of college, things began to get harder. His time slowly began to be overtaken by his job and such. Therefore, we decided to break up. It was mutual and everything was good for awhile. However, he randomly started to despise me within the past few weeks. I would ask him what was wrong, he would say that we were good and nothing was, and then would complain about me talking to him to his friends. He told one of our mutual friends that he hated when I contacted him and told the friend to “tell her that you think I’m completely over her.” After that I sent a semi-rude text as a result of my frustration, and told him I would never contact him again. Then, I went through the no contact period and I reached out to him the other day. He ignored me and asked the friend why I was contacting him after promising I would not. The only reason why I contacted him was because I thought things were good. The man can’t keep his eyes off of me. He’s always staring and listening to my conversations and looking longingly at my body like he used to. The friend told me that the reason my ex and I broke up was because he didn’t see a future between us although I was technically the one who broke up with him. It would’ve been hard for us to maintain a relationship after college considering we will both be moving to different states and focusing on our careers. But he always gives different reasons as to why we broke up. Also, after we ended he saw on social media that I was branching out and meeting lots of new guys. Could that have fueled his anger? Do you think it is possible that he hates me because he knows we can’t be together despite possibly wanting to? I really have no idea why his character changed so suddenly. I thought we had a chance of getting back together, but now I’m not so sure.
Brenda
October 3, 2015 at 9:10 pm
Before this came out I sent my ex two texts which he didn’t reply to. I wish I would have waited. I sent him a “remember when text.” When there was no rely a couple hours later I sent him a “I’m sorry about not being there for you text.” ( I know, not what you would have advised). A week later I sent him a ” I’m doing this thing do you want to know how it goes” text. Is he gone forever?
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:08 am
Ya… those were not the right type of texts to send hahaha.
Maggie
October 3, 2015 at 4:49 pm
Hi Chris!
Thank you so much for this website, it’s really helpful and comforting to those going through a hard breakup.
I hope you can respond and help me, I’m really at a loss for what to do.
I had been in a relationship with my ex for a little over a year. We met at work and hit it off really well. We started hanging out a few times a week and really liked each other, but neither one of us wanted a serious relationship. We agreed to be exclusive and just not label what we were. That lasted for a few months, but things seemed to get out of our control. We started spending more and more time together and finally agreed that we were more serious than either one of us expected. He stopped calling and coming over and I didn’t hear from him for an entire month. I pretended like I was fine with it, but I was really upset. One day he called me again and said he missed me and thought we should give our relationship a real chance and asked me to be his girlfriend for real! I of course said yes. Things were WONDERFUL for a long time!! We spent almost every day together, with some exceptions of course for friend and family time.
Things took a turn after a few months because I accidentally got pregnant. At first he told me he would leave if I kept the baby but to do what I felt was best. After thinking about it for a week, I decided to keep the baby. He did leave for a few days, but called me and asked to come over and talk. We talked all night and he told me he was sorry and that he was completely in love with me and he could never let me go like that and to please stay and work things out with him and he will help me with our child. He was so upset about this one because he already has a son from a previous relationship and wasn’t sure how he felt about another child.
Okay so things were great again for months! He moved in with me, helped me graduate college and tried to help me build my career! He was always there if I needed something, was so kind and caring throughout the first few months of this pregnancy. Then he got a wonderful job offer, but it was an hour and a half away from where we lived. He had family in that town, so he planned on just staying there during the week and coming back home for the weekends. When the job first started, he asked me to stay up there for the first week. So I did! I spent all day with his family and waited for him to get off work and then we would spend time together. The next week I stayed back home. The week after that I came back up and stayed with his family again. I decided that I really liked that town, so why can’t we just move up there?? He agreed! Then, long story I’m sorry, my car broke down and I couldn’t go back and forth anymore. His car had broken down the week before. So now we couldn’t see each other. So neither of us had a car for almost 2 months, but he was still calling me every single day, we were still together and planning on how to move all our stuff up when neither of us had a car and I didn’t have a job.
Now, I am 7 months pregnant. A few weeks ago he decided he couldn’t be in this relationship anymore. His reason was that he couldn’t deal with me being pregnant. It was stressing him out. He told me we would have been together forever if I hadn’t gotten pregnant, but since i did, it was ruined. I cried, freaked out, etc. But didn’t talk to him for a few days. Then he started calling every day like everthing was normal! I’m weak and answered every time. He got his car fixed and asked if he could come pick me up one weekend so I could spend it up with him. I said yes. And waited…and waited…and waited. He didn’t show. Called me hours later to say sorry, he got drunk, could I find my own ride. When i couldn’t, he got pissed off and stopped talking to me. The next week he calls and apologizes, comes over for a night and we sleep together and he took a sonogram picture of our daughter I had on the fridge, and leaves. I thought I messed up but he called me the next night and said he missed me and asked to pick me up for the weekend. I of course say yes. But again he doesn’t show. This time he doesn’t answer my texts or phone calls.
I didn’t talk to him for a week. But then I had a doctor appointment for the baby and I just texted him the updates. He texted back something along the lines of why do you text me if you think I don’t care? I told him I just want to keep him updated on his child and stop being mean to me. He texted back “I’m not being mean.” And I said “Yes you are, I don’t fucking know why I bother.” and he never responded. I waited a few days and tried to call him to apologize, but that night he rejected my phone calls, which he has never done before.
I’m so sorry, this is way longer than I thought it would be. But if you could please help me, I don’t want to lose this man. I love him, he means so much to me. I’m still trying to focus on myself and on my daughter who will be here very soon, but I can’t help wanting him back.
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:10 am
Congrats on the pregnancy.
My wife just gave birth so those pregnancy days are still really fresh in my mind.
Maggie
October 6, 2015 at 4:01 am
I’m adding that obviously I’ve started the NC as of the next day after I called him. I know it needs to be modified because he still has the right to know what’s going on with his child. It’s been a few days since I started NC, and today (day 3) he called twice but didn’t leave any messages or text me. I don’ t know if this is a good thing.
Sara
October 3, 2015 at 4:41 pm
Hello Chris! I’m half way through with NC and I really hope it’ll turn out well in the end! I love your articles by the way!
Anyway, I have a request, my ex boyfriend uploads posts on facebook and as any woman it makes me wonder what the posts mean… I’d like to know from your point of view if it does mean something or if I’m just over my head. He doesn’t upload posts very often before, until now, and most of the posts are unusual (from what he used to post).
Does he want to tell me that he have moved on or that he wants me to check up on his page? Maybe I’m just overreacting.
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:11 am
Thanks Sara!
Usually the posts do mean something unless they are really funny or “viral.”
Carolina
October 3, 2015 at 4:40 pm
Hey Chris this one is a long shot but Is it possible to get him back if he made it a point that he never wanted to speak again. Changed his number and even said I wasn’t allowed to go near his house.
We where on and off for 6 years. Engaged twice and just broke up BAD.
There’s a lot of details but basically we have gone through a lot this year and he really wanted to work on himself. I kept pushing for him to stay with me because I feel he can work on himself while with me. The last few months of our relationship I entered heavy depression because of grief. He said he would be with me through it but only last 3 weeks before he snapped and said he couldn’t stand it anymore. I admit I did provoke his anger ( I showed up uninvited to his cousins and he said that was stalking). I guess to him “being stalked” was the last straw so he broke up with me so angry. Said he had looked for me in the past but this time he swore he never would again. Said not to try to contact him, not to go near his house or he would call the cops and changed his number on the spot so I couldn’t call him once he took off.
I do love him and I hope he still has feelings for me and I’m hoping his actions aren’t forever. Is there a possibility for this to still work out? Or is it over forever?
Kerry
October 3, 2015 at 12:17 pm
Hi. I successfully completed my 30 days of NC and sent my first text message this past Thursday. It was a positive experience text. I wrote that I had just watched the Muppets and it it reminded me of the night he sang to me in his Kermit voice outside a gas station. I got no response.
I did send him a text the following morning along the same lines. I just wanted to say hello and day that I saw you driving on my way from work. Seeing you brought back some great memories and I hope this text finds you well. Again no response.
Back story. We met on a dating website in January and instantly had an amazing connection. He lost his job three weeks after we met and several times he told me I was the bright star in all this mess.
After four months, he finally was back to work but still having financial difficulties. We never officially dated because he felt he had nothing to offer and that he was holding me back. He would tell me am amazing and that he loved everything about me.
A month ago we had a huge fight simply because I asked about a girl. I figured if we were going down a relationship direction again, I wanted to know if there was anyone else. He got so mad he wouldn’t talk to me for a week.
When he did he told me for the first time that he loved me, he was passionate about me, and loved everything about me, except for negative assumptions. Said he would get a new girlfriend just to get over me and said he wouldn’t talk to me again.
You can imagine how painful it was to get no response after the 30 days. I bought your PRO book and now have to wait another 2 long weeks.
It is the hardest thing to get absolutely no response and not knowing if he will ever come around again. Or if games are being played.
How long should one keep trying and do I still have a legitimate chance?