What To Do If You Get The Dreaded "No Response" After No Contact

579 thoughts on “What To Do If You Get The Dreaded No Response After No Contact”

Didi

January 11, 2017 at 10:29 am

I broke up because he said he wants a woman that ready to settle down with him in near future & he thinks I’m too young for that (I’m 23 & he 32). The other reason maybe because I’m a lil bit too clingy. I did NC for 30 days right after my break up. During the NC period he didn’t even message me. I was the one that started messaging him again on 7th January.
I started with talking about our fave gelato place & he answered it right away. He ended up asking for my office address because he wants to send me something from his travel to Australia (by sending a courier service to my office). After I gave it, he didn’t answer. The next day I texted him again because his fave football team will have a match the next day but he didn’t answer. I don’t here anything about him until now. What should I do the next?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 12:44 pm

Hi Didi,

wait a week before trying again..

Trinity

January 10, 2017 at 6:40 am

so after 29 days of NC, i decided to message him.
i said I have something to show you.
he replied ??? pretty neutral response.
i sent him a pic of him i have taken with his friends( cause no one was around that time so i have to took it)
but he didnt response at all? why is that?
Also, ive caught him looking at me a few times. does that mean anything? or am I just delusional.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 8:46 am

Hi Trinity,
I think it’s because it was not really conversational..maybe he doesn’t know what to say about that pic.. if you try again, maybe do it in a week..

Anna

January 9, 2017 at 8:32 am

I’m in a pretty bad situation. I dated a guy for 6 months long distance and were very serious- he met my family, I spoke to his, our parents talked- we were on the marriage track. 4 months into it he told me that he was unemployed. It threw me for a loop but I forgave him knowing how important his career was for him, and how much influence his family had on him. I tried my best to help him with opportunities, but it seemed like over time he wanted less and less of my help. Around the 6 month mark I went to go visit him and on my last day of my trip asked about our future and an engagement, and he broke down. He told me he was struggling, had low confidence, and was scared of that kind of commitment. I came back home and a week later he broke up with me. Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and that he couldn’t do it anymore- he had suffered some anxiety attacks because of his life situation too. I asked him to go on a break, and not break up because this was about his work and I wanted to be a partner with him. We agreed to checking in every 2 weeks for 2-6 months. As the weeks went by, it got harder for me to stay afloat. I tried my best to be positive, but sometimes would have outbursts during the calls asking what was going on or if things were going to get better. Around the 3 month mark he started to get very distant and specific with the 2 week breaks, he refused to talk to me otherwise. He told me he was also being distant from his friends and focussing on work. He then got a contract job and started doing better, said he was open to talking to me more often than the 2 week check ins, but that it took him a while to get back to people so I shouldn’t be alarmed if he doesn’t text right away. The next week he went to see his family for thanksgiving and I didn’t hear from him at all for a few days, called and messaged, nothing. He got back to me saying he was fine and that whenever I text and call so many times it makes him feel suffocated and harassed. I told him I was sorry, I was just worried for his safety. A week later he had an event to go to that he had been working on, I asked how it went and nothing. I saw that he was talking to some friends on his Facebook wall, and got upset and called him out. I told him it hurt that he had time for others and not for me, called him a bunch of times, and texted him all day with apologies and heard nothing. It has now been 6 weeks since then. I reached out to him for 3 following weeks every few days asking for forgiveness, apologizing, and he hasn’t said a single thing. It has been 2 weeks since I last reached out. Now that it’s been so long and he’s been separating himself from me, what are my options? Will no contact even work in this situation? Please help. I’m so confused and lost. This was the guy I thought I was going to marry.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 6:40 pm

Hi Anna,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it’s better to do it do you can improve yourself than to keep on chasing him

Meg

January 8, 2017 at 10:56 pm

I dated this guy 2/3 months then I had to leave the country, while I was away he rekindled things with his ex. Now his ex lives very far away in a whole different continent, and she went back a couple of days before I came back. They are not dating (yet) because of the distance.. but it seems the few weeks he was with her while I was gone, he fell back in love with her. Anyway, I have now started the NC, do you think I should continue or I am just wasting my time. Last we talked he said he was sorry for hurting me and sorry things didn’t work out. That sounded very final to me, but I still want to try the NC and see what happens… what are your thoughts? Is it a lost case?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 11:28 pm

Hi Meg,

check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Maria

January 8, 2017 at 12:39 am

Hello,
So I’ve been dating this guy and we were very serious. Talking about marriage, building with each other and just bonding so much. We are both Gemini’s and tend to butt heads. New Years Eve he did a few things I disliked, like making me walk to his house and wait for him on another occasion. Long story short, on our way, asked for me to put the directions in my phone because he was driving and I told him use his phone. Petty, I know. Came to a stop sign, I threw his phone out the window and walked home. He came to tell my mom and during that time I said some really hurtful things to him and he said he would never talk to me again. We recently exchanged our things and I tried calling him the same night and he was disrespectful. I still want him. How can I make him forgive me? We had so much to look forward to.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Hi Maria,

let him cool down first before apologizing

Jan

January 4, 2017 at 5:38 am

After my ex broke up with me, I did no contact for 30 days. 30 days later, I texted him and asked to see him. He said he was down. We did not set up a time right away because I knew he was busy. I suggested we wait for the holidays to be over. He wished me a merry christmas and I wished him a happy new year. 2 days ago, I texted him and initially he was responding in seconds. However, when I asked if I could go and talk to him soon, he has said nothing. It has been all day and still no response. Should I be worried?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 5:45 am

Hi Jan,

your first text was asking to see him? If yes, then, it’s too early for that. Build rapport first through text, calls and then meet ups.

jarred

December 31, 2016 at 4:23 am

So I’m in a delema with my ex girlfriend we dated for a couple of months and then she went on vacation with her mom and i later find out from her friend that she’s going to see her ex boyfriend that lives down there and i asked her about it she said he was miles away from him and didn’t want to see him and so I messaged him because I was already an insecure guy because a lot of my exes had cheated on me before and her exes and other guys would message her but she would say she’s not talking to them but I knew it was a lie, she likes attention even if she won’t admit it, well long story short she’s dating that guy but they’re having trouble because she doesn’t know what she wants she tells me she wants me to be supportive of her and there with her but she blocked me on social media, lied unblocked and made herself private so I decided to just block her on almost all of the social media she has contact with me on, I did this yesterday and today she temp. deleted her fb and then a couple of hours later she got it back, she does that when to get attention from the ones causing her trouble or get her upsethe last message i had told her was if she wanted me there for herbor is she just keeping me around in case things go south with him and i asked if the best way i could support her was if she blocked me she didnt and i asked for her to respond or im just going to leave(ive said that before but didnt really leave i would respond later) because i didnt know what she wanted me to do and so she just read it and left me hanging. I applied myself to the no contact rule and have been doing that for a couple of days but I also feel like it’s helping her move on, I just want to know what she’s wanting from me, she wants me to be there but keeps acting like this, she doesn’t know what she wants and keeps doing things differently everyday, I think she wants us both, I don’t care if we date I mean I would like to but I just can’t figure her out and it’s bothering me.
Thanks for the help

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 31, 2016 at 10:40 am

Hi Jarred,

Then ask her first. If she’s still vague, do the no contact rule.

Kimberly Rankin

December 23, 2016 at 2:32 am

I texted my ex after 30 days no contact, he replied positively (I asked him to drop offf something of mine). He came and our interaction was awkward but he said he wanted to be friends.

I waited 6 days to text him again. I texted him (saying we just drove past each other).. but he didn’t reply.

What do I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 3:41 am

Hi Kimberly,

wait 3-5 days after that before trying again..

George

December 20, 2016 at 3:58 pm

I texted my ex after the NC period, she replied positively and I ended the conversation quickly. I followed up several days later with “You won’t believe what happened to me today”, to which she didn’t reply. It’s been almost a week now and I’ll wait the 7 days you advised, but do you know another way I could start to build rapport through interesting texts other than telling her a story or using a reminder text? (A way that involves her life more so she’s more inclined to answer is more what I’m looking for) *Note, the killer in our relationship was falling into a pattern and a loss of interest, so she’s not interested in hearing “what happened to me today”.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 10:16 pm

Hi George,

why did you wait a week after the first contact text if it was positive? List her interests, the topics she loves talking about and use that.

Chelle

December 15, 2016 at 4:50 pm

So I contacted my ex after no contact and he replied, so I replied asking how he’s doing and he stopped replying. What do I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 4:38 pm

The you see him somewhere text? Did he just replied where? That’s negative, wait a week before initiating again

Lost

December 9, 2016 at 5:37 pm

Hey!

I did the no contact rule for 45 days and it did work out …(received few positives response from him but ignored!)

1st msg,I saw immediate reaction (positive) but after few msgs,he hardly seem keen in my convo (like his replying to only one word ) and we actually played truth or dare ,he asked “what’s ur opinion about me ” and I told him that he was a great kisser with a big of flashback of our 1st kiss after that,he said he don’t find this game interesting !

What’s should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 8:56 pm

Hi Lost,

the truth of dare was in person? how many days have you been texting?

Alice

December 8, 2016 at 7:48 am

My, Ex and I were together for 7 years. 2 years ago he found out that I cheated on during a trip I had taken 3 yrs prior, he broke up with me and after I tried to call him repeatedly the next couple days after that and got no response, so I gave up and decided to accept the breakup. One week later he messaged me saying he wanted to get his things from my house, so I called him and surprisingly he picked up the phone and we talked for a while (more like me begging for forgiveness) later that night he came to my house and told me he forgave me.

Fast-forward to 2 years later, we worked on our relationship and was having a great time together. We were very close to each other, talked on the phone all the time when we were apart. We have what I would say a great relationship about 95% of the time.

My issue with our relationship for the entire 7 years I felt like whenever I had an issue with something he did, he would somehow turn it around on me, he was a great guy. We share the same core values but whenever it came to him receiving any negative feedback about himself, he would always react to it by blaming me saying that I was looking for something to argue about or totally refusing to see what he did wrong.

2 weeks ago we got into a fight it wasn’t a horrible fight it was me voicing my displeasure about something he was doing, we sort of made up after this fight same day and went to see a movie. After the movie, we were talking about Christmas gifts and he said he would like to test drive a luxury car for his gift. I said “that’s a stupid gift” ( I agree I should not have said that) he flipped and said I was always using negative language towards him. (I don’t think I do) so I got upset that he was so mad at me for saying that I didn’t think it was such a big deal. I went home and the next day, he started texting me about all the things he does for me, money he’s spent and that he is tired of everything revolving around my schedule and how tied down he felt.

1week later I sent him a message asking him what he wanted us to do about our relationship. he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and that he felt so relieved when I was not around him.

He brought up other issues like my weight gain and the fact that I haven’t lost any of the weight, he said it was just in my personality to not be motivated enough to workout or stick to a plan fitness plan.

I must mention that he is into fitness, he works out everyday and said during the conversation that a woman who was already into health and fitness would be perfect for him. He also mentioned that he wanted a woman who was more submissive, when I asked that he clarify the statement he said that I never back down from my points if I believed them.

He ended the relationship by saying all the above, when I asked what i could do to fix it he said he was past caring about a fix. He said maybe we can revisit a reconciliation in a few months but right now he wants to be free.

I initiated the NC immediately and haven’t spoken to him since, I am working on myself and I am surprisingly not depressed or crying like I was on Day one and Day two, Today is Day 4 and I have somehow managed to pull myself together.

I want him back but I also still carry the guilt from when I cheated so a part of me is wondering if it os fair to even try to win him back, or if it is even worth it. I love him so much and it really hurt me to hear how up-happy I was making him, I want him back but should I let him go?

Za-Za

December 19, 2016 at 9:48 pm

Reading your comment struck me right in the heart because there are so many similarities. I recently broke up with my exon 6 years. I didn’t cheat but I definitely neglected my love for a period of time and was consumed too much in what I was doing at the time.

My ex was also frustrated at the balance of the relationship and felt that he had done much more in terms of material gifts – dinners at expensive and inexpensive places,treats here and there. He also hated the fact that if I believe in something I will stick to my guns. He also told me he was looking for someone more submissive in a relationship and was unhappy with the fact that I had gained a nominal amount of weight (5-6kg over 6 years) even though I am the more active of the couple and take my fitness quite seriously.

Not to be down on your ex but he sounds quite controlling, as was mine. The best thing to do right now is take some real time out to work on you and decide what you really want out of life and in a partner and match up whether or not he is truly providing that.

My ex broke up with me seemingly out of the blue and went as far to block my number, whatsapp, snapchat etc so I kind of had no choice but to really spend some time apart. It has now been 2 weeks since I sent a message saying I accept his decision and I am moving on with my life. If it’s truly meant to be, you will reconcile with one another but in the meantime – rediscover yourself, spend time with friends, have fun, read, treat yourself, prepare yourself for a future with him or with someone else. 7 years is a long time. Where you were you thought you wanted to be/ should be at 7 years with someone?

Take some time out for yourself. Even if he comes begging and says he made a mistake, allow yourself at least a month to really think things through.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 11:55 am

Hi Alice,

he already forgave you about the cheating incident. Forgive yourself too. He didn’t even mention that as the main reason, or not even part of the reasons why he’s breaking up with you now.

Marie

December 6, 2016 at 11:06 pm

Hi amor,
So I completed 23 days on NC after my bf broke up with me. In that time he wrote to me two texts (I didn’t think he would just cause he is so strongminded and has so much going on in his life). The first was to see how I was doing, the second about French politics (am French) so clearly a pretext to message me. I didn’t answer to the first (he wrote it after 6 days of NC). The second was this last Thursday. I decided to reply on Sunday, so 3 days after his second text and after 23 days total NC. We didn’t have a bad breakup (we actually ended up laughing that time and almost not leaving each other, that is how much we get along). He is just full in middle of divorce (has been separated for 2.5 years, we dated 6 months) and doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t want to hurt me with the process. Does not know if he wants something serious and says I deserve better. He is so decent. But i think he regrets or at least misses me through his two texts. But since I replied he didn’t text back. I based my first text after NC on an example from the ex pro, saying I think I crossed paths with him on highway. He loves his motorcycle. But he has not replied, but I know he saw my message. Yesterday and tonight I know he doesn’t have his kids. You would think he would reply. Should I back off or send a new text? I am dying to write again. I feel my text wasn’t asking a question, just stating that I think I saw him on the road. Help please.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 7:26 pm

Hi Marie,

wait a week before initiating again.

Dani

December 1, 2016 at 8:24 pm

I am currently a week into no contact, and I am faced with a dilemma. I have received an important letter addressed to my ex. And can’t be ignored. Can I contact him to tell him about it? I think he would be pissed if I left it another 3 weeks. How should I go about this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 1:50 pm

Hi Dani,

yup, it’s ok as long as it’s only about that

Just me

December 1, 2016 at 6:28 pm

Hi
Had a three months relation with my gf. Everything was going good. She initiated text and as I did too! We went out atleast 4 times a week but spoke every day. Then one day when we spent a whole day together everything was amazing until the end of the day and thats when our argument started. She pushed my buttons alot and as a result i asked her a question in a high toned voice. As i was taking her home we spoke and i appologised for my actions yet she kept on pushing my buttons. To cut the long story short the next day i texted her to ask how she is doing and she replied with “good” as for the day after i asked her if she wantedto test drive the car we spoke about and she replied “i am busy afternoon” so i replied “no problem i will have the car until end of week” and then radio silnce! No messages drom her at all. Ten days of no contact and she posts on fb (first time ever she posts such remark) that she is travelling. I sent her message to say hope you have a good trip bit never got any reply. Any help?

Just me

December 2, 2016 at 4:23 pm

Dear Amor

I honestly have no idea if i should follow the no contact rule as it is an open ended action where by i might never get the right reaction anyway mind games is not the way I want to deal with her
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 8:00 pm

Well if you want, talk to her..ask her first
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 1:32 am

Hi Just me,

So, let’s assume that you’re already broken up.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

caroline

November 29, 2016 at 12:05 am

Hi Chris, i was dating this guy for 4 months and it was great, but he had to leave the country for a couple months and just got back. He texted me first when he got home and asked me if i was going to the same party as him. I didn’t respond and saw him there and he seemed really happy to see me and all his friends said so too! The only thing is after this night he didn’t contact me for a week, so i did . It was a very positive response that went on for a week and then i asked him to hangout and he didn’t seem up for it at all and made up an excuse. What should i do??

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 7:23 pm

Hi Caroline,
is he leaving again.. I think you should slowly build rapport first before hanging out..

Julia

November 28, 2016 at 7:51 pm

Dear Amor, I need your advice. We were married together for 8 plus years. Then we split up. After 2 months of no contact I decided to do the first move and contacted my ex. It was a memory text message followed by asking how he is doing. He didn’t react to the memory part we had together but responded saying he is fine and asked me how things are with me. To which I replied am doing well . His response was ” Very good, let me know If you need a help”
so he did not extend the communication but just wrapped it like that. I am not sure what to do next. Should I contact him again? And how would you interpret his text?

Julia

December 5, 2016 at 12:32 am

Hello Amor, A little update on my situation. I followed your texting guide must admit it is great helps me a lot. Today was the 5th day of contacting him and things go well. He responds positively. But the thing is that he doesn’t initiate the contact. I write he replies, within minutes. Mostly he doesn’t expand on the conversation. Yesterday day 4, he did kind of expand on it a bit. My question is : should I be the one initiating the contact all the time during the rapport building? Do I maintain a little pause between all theses 15 text messaging or I need to keep the order non stop? meaning tomorrow is day six, then day 7 and so on so forth … no pause in between?
Julia

December 1, 2016 at 6:46 pm

You can’t imagine how much your help means to me.
So after apologizing, in order to build a rapport, how many times of text messages would be considered good enough? The apologizing was my second text message. Should I text him after couple of days without conveying feelings but keeping it hen move on to a phone call? How often to send text messages and how long to wait before sending each text message. The wait time between each sending. If he doesn’t initiate to text me or call should I just stop my texts even if they are casual or be patient and work on the rapport?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 1:34 am

You’re welcome! check this:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Julia

December 1, 2016 at 9:23 am

one more question: should I i bring up the status question over the phone or in person? but he said he can’t meet so i don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 1, 2016 at 12:28 pm

Ooops.. slowly build rapport but don’t confront him about feelings yet.. It conveys you’re not yet over.. But I think that one time is enough. He can think that maybe you’re just apologizing for the past. If you push for a relationship talk when there’s no rapport and attraction built, you would look like you’re chasing.
Julia

November 30, 2016 at 8:40 pm

Thank you so much !
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 10:32 pm

You’re welcome!
Julia

November 30, 2016 at 1:55 am

But how to start that conversation? I am kind of scared… What’ s the best way to bring that conversation about status check? Not to lose him…
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 7:32 pm

Frankly, with his actions or inactions, it’s leaning more on that he will break up.. Just ask.. Be candid and be calm.. Come from point that you’re trying to understand him.
Julia

November 29, 2016 at 7:08 pm

just wanna add we are still married but just live in different cities by the circumstances.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 8:23 pm

Actually, he looks like he doesn’t care about anything.. I think you need to talk about the real status of the relationship and his and your feelings.. And then update us
Julia

November 29, 2016 at 7:00 pm

We don’t have kids together. Frankly I am not sure what does that mean to improve myself in this short period. What should I understand by that? I think I have improved somewhat. Well 2 months is not enough for a whole change but I think I could get myself together, I went out and had some fun. Life did not stop for me. I started doing things I enjoy… We separated because I think his contribution was not enough to our relationship. Currently we live in different cities because he has to take care of his dad and I tried to understand that but I felt he was pulling away. He could at least call me every day. Our phone conversations were like 5 mins at most. Before that we lived in different countries and so for one year we were not living together because of the circumstances at that time. And during that one year he was not trying to skype or talk on facebook much saying he doesn’t like it. When I came he was very warm to me an all but then again continued in the same manner. Lack of attention and his absence in my life can of made me really angry. I felt emotionally abandoned. One day he unfriended me on facebook supposedly because of some posts I made. These posts were harmless jokes and had nothing to do with him. So I got puzzled and in agony felt like I need to end this whole thing. When I said it’s over he didn’t seem to care he said if that’s what you want… felt like it was easy for him to let me go. But I can’t get over him… So I don’t know what I should do. Should I text him again? If yes how many days should I wait before texting him again and how many times should I text before giving up? Do I have a chance? Looks like If I put some efforts he won’t mind, but he himself won’t try to win me back… I don’t know …don’t know what to do. I don’t want this to continue in texting manner but I want him to take an initiative and do smth. What to do next, please help I really need some advice on how to act and what to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 5:23 pm

Hi Julia

it’s neutral. Why did you separate? How much did you improve in those 2 months? Do you have kids together?

Patricia

November 27, 2016 at 6:34 pm

So I had positive responses every time I reached out after NC on gmail chat. We even had conversations. But when I texted him I got a brief response, and this time I texted him and no response. We gmail chatted when he was at work. SO I am wondering if because he has this girlfriend, it’s because he doesn’t want her to see texts, but since she can’t really find out about gmail chats, he is okay with communicating with me there. He has even initiated on gmail chat and my work email. So what does it mean that he’s willing to chat on gmail but not on text? And should I then limit to gmail chat and not try to text at all, or keep trying to reach out over text instead (b/c I feel this is more personal)?

Patricia

March 18, 2017 at 4:25 pm

Wednesday night he was supposed to stop by and pay me for the taxes. He ended up saying “I’m sorry I cannot meet tonight, I am still at work and I have things to do. I can do tomorrow or deposit it for you.”

So didn’t hear from him Thursday. Then Friday he messaged me Happy St. Patrick’s Day! as soon as he got to work on gmail chat. We chatted really friendly all morning. He was telling me about a personal problem (not relationship problem). Then I brought her name up (related to a convo) and then he brought her name up later incidentally and then I got a little sad, and I told him I shouldn’t have brought her up, bad memories. We ended up having a bit of an emotional conversation and he said that I am intense. 🙁 He said that these chats might end up hurting me. He was really apologetic. He said that when I left him for my other ex B I drove a sword through his heart but he let it go. He wants me to let it go and be free in my chest he said. It was a hard convo and he said maybe we can chat Monday and end this conversation.

So I ended up asking him to schedule when to pay me and he said he had said he can come by my apartment Saturday morning, so I agreed. He showed up around 9:15am and he had double-parked so he couldn’t stay long. He came in for a few minutes, we talked about us, he said he had struggled with the breakup too but didn’t want to contact me because he knew what I was going through and how much he had hurt me. He said he had jumped into this new thing and that I had been right about her/it happening again where he lost feelings for her. I mentioned he had been sending so many messages and told me he had dreamed about my dead father and had been thinking about him all the time, and I felt those things were stirring up emotions. He apologized that he had thought I got the message that he wanted to get back together. I said I wasn’t asking him to get back together. I asked him if he had any feelings for me and he said of course I have feelings for you, we were together for 2 years. I said romantic feelings? And he said I am being honest with myself, i am 39 years old, I can’t have romantic feelings, I will just hurt you again. It sounds like he has discovered that his feelings don’t last or he’s unable to commit long-term without wanting to get out of the relationship and he has discovered the reason for this is because of his own unhappiness with himself. He said that his frustrations with himself infect his relationships with his family (dad and mom and brothers) too. I hugged him and we hugged a long time. We hugged again a long time. He was leaving, I asked if we can meet again and from the look on his face it seemed like he wanted to meet again, and he said I will tell you.

I wasn’t angry/emotional at all during our conversation and even we smiled a few times. I was looking good, my apartment looked really nice. I had told him I still have feelings for him and he said “I know you do.” He said that I brought up a good point why doesn’t he break up with her if he’s no longer interested and he looked like he agreed but he had some kind of issue with doing that (it’s his sister’s best friend perhaps?).

I don’t understand why all these messages that were stirring up emotions and talking to me so much suddenly and he says he didn’t mean what I think.

🙁 What should I do next? I have not initiated contact with him for 40 days so I feel like I haven’t been intense at all or chasing him. All the days we talked he initiated. I am wondering if he’s just in a bad place right now. I am obviously going to continue not initiating contact and also back off chatting so much. I would like to see him again I miss him a lot and it felt so good to be with him again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2017 at 2:50 pm

he has to feel that your world doesn’t revolve around him. So, at some point you have to ignore a text from and then initiate the next da and to just keep improving yourself
Patricia

March 12, 2017 at 10:38 pm

Well, I have some very good news. It seems like all my hard work is paying off. When I returned from my vacation, I did not contact him but kept posting pictures of my enjoyable life. I have been self-improving all along the way, and using social media to my benefit. He contacted me on Tuesday, started a long gmail chat conversation, I told him I had felt bad for awhile but enjoying things a lot now and doing really well. Apparently, he’s unhappy and experiencing anxiety and not doing well. He said his spirit is underground. I went ahead and asked about his relationship, he said I shouldn’t ask bc it’s not healthy, but he answered. “I am not in love [with her]. I’m in a bad position at the moment. You know me! You know me! I flake. And I don’t know how to get out of it because I feel like a D@_$”. So basically I guess the honeymoon has worn off. I agreed to help him with his taxes (he’s paying me) so we worked on that over email a few days later. Then Friday he started chatting with me, asking about my mom and family, talking about how he had been looking at our pictures and reading our messages. He asked if my family hates him. He was sending me links for picture frames bc I had been talking about hanging things up. He talked about what I needed to do to my car to get it working better. He seemed to be offering help and suggestions. It’s crazy! All of a sudden. After being pushed away for a long time, why is he suddenly contacting me? He said something about it’s good I’m so happy, he will have to get through it now too. It appears he is working his way back in. He said he will pay me Wednesday. I wonder if he will try to meet up with me? I feel bad he went out with this girl for so long and thought he was in love with her, and now suddenly back? I am nervous.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 9:35 am

that’s because you kept improving yourself.. you didn’t chase..
Patricia

February 28, 2017 at 8:56 pm

Update! So I had spoken to him before my vacation about his request that we meet face to face. I had the best vacation ever, and posted tons of pics. One picture in particular was of a group of guy surfers that we had met all with their surfboards. I posted public on Instagram and Facebook, looked like we were having a great time. Anyway, the day after I posted these, he posted a pic of his office and a caption “work – need to surf” and then a couple hours later I noticed it was taken down. The day before this his new girlfriend had posted a quote about how the best success in life is to find someone who is there when you need them, blah blah, and can make you smile even when your eyes are full of tears. Then the next day, I noticed that they were unfollowing and saw that she had blocked him on Instagram. They have been unfollowing each other for a week now. He posted two pics of him winter surfing on Saturday and Sunday. I continued to post fun pics of my vacation. She posted two more quotes, one about how there are things in life that you want to achieve sometimes you have to let go to achieve them. She posted another quote about how if you have God in your life, he is all you need. She has been pretty silent on Instagram other than that the last few days. So I had told him I would be back Saturday from my vacation, I didn’t text him when I returned. Yesterday was his birthday so I texted him Happy Birthday, enjoy the day!” and he wrote back “Thank you”. Nothing since. I would still be happy to do his taxes, but not sure if he’s having issues with his gf and that is why he’s silent. Not sure what is going on. Should I reach out about meeting up? I am leaning towards no because I want him to reach out and set it up if he still wants to.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 7:36 pm

why not talk more first again, so that you would know if he’s in the mood for a meet up.
Patricia

February 15, 2017 at 6:55 pm

I got an email from him this morning asking if I can do him a favor. Then he said

“Well,

I think we need to have a face to face talk. I wanted a couple of months ago and you call me sneaky or said something like Thats weird.

It is about all the things that weren’t said and why i stop talking to you after you ran into her.

i need to clarified a couple of things that are going thru my head

But i need total discretion from you.

Thanks,

[His name]

ALSO…. I will pay you of you help me with the taxes this year.

Thanks again for all that help last year !”

I said I wanted to think it over if he didn’t mind and he said it’s fine no worries.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 7:56 pm

hmm.. that’s a serious one.. I think you that’s an opportunity to clear things. So whatever the result is, at least it would be clearer with you of where you two stand.
Patricia

February 7, 2017 at 5:35 pm

I finally got him to say why he is not talking to me. He doesn’t want to go in the “wrong direction” meaning because I said I had missed him, he was protecting his relationship and he felt talking to me gave me the wrong idea that he is going to get back together with me. Knowing this, what is my approach? He didn’t say he didn’t want to talk to me. He seems fine with it as long as I’m not giving him any mushy stuff. What should I do next?
However, he did mention something about respecting her in not talking to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 11:28 pm

yes, because he’s protecting the relationship..that means he still thinks you want him back.. he didn’t say to stop talking but if he wants to keep his current, he will ignore you again once he sees another sign that you’re agenda is to get him back. Continue to be active in activities and in posting while slowly building rapport..date others too..
Patricia

January 10, 2017 at 5:29 pm

Very active, lots of activities, doing things. Lost weight, work is good, been socializing and making new friends, doing hobbies. I have been feeling better. Can you read my other posts? No Contact since December 28 now. I did it once for 30 days and once for another 30 days in October. He contacted me every couple of weeks but now he isn’t. I think he is protecting his relationship. I don’t know whether to message again at the end of Jan or not.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 11:19 am

he probably is.. I think you need to extend to 45
Patricia

January 9, 2017 at 9:49 pm

I am feeling discouraged. He just liked all her pics on Instagram, and he just posted a photo of the gift she got him (a thoughtful gift to do with his interests). He wrote “a warm gift from my love”. I am doing No Contact for awhile now, because I can’t chase him while he is with her, and he didn’t respond to my last 3 texts (sent every 1-2 weeks). I am feeling improved and more secure now, I am not desperate feeling at all. I just wonder what I can do, so that I am not sending him messages forever, and not building a friendship again. You saw that he had written he wants me to remain in his life, and for sure he loves her and is protecting his relationship.

Two questions:
1) Is there still any hope? (longer term coming back)
2) What should I do in the meantime (contact at January 30?, no contact until he does again?)
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2017 at 3:54 pm

Just to make it clear, you’re not suppose to chase him ever. Not just because he has a gf. how long have you been in nc? how are you active are you?
Patricia

December 28, 2016 at 9:48 pm

Nope. Plus he hasn’t responded in 3 days. So Brad Browning recommended I send this message that I understood he is busy with life and the holidays. But since you didn’t respond to any of my texts since the last conversation we had, I’d assume you want nothing to do with me.” So I sent that and no response yet either. What a letdown especially since he’s been responding so kindly and even apologizing, and saying I would always remain in his life. I don’t understand what could have changed, except maybe the high memory text spooked him. I will not be texting him for awhile. Possibly she was firm on that she didn’t want him to communicate with me if she found something from me. I don’t know. Should I just not contact forever now or wait for a month again or what? I don’t expect him to come back soon but it’s possible they could break up since she has so much baggage.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 8:11 am

maybe a month or more.. because if you text soon, you’re just confirming that you’re trying to break them apart
Patricia

December 26, 2016 at 2:39 am

Ugh I had a setback. I saw his WhatsApp pic is them wearing Santa hats together. I sent him a Christmas message “Merry Christmas! Wishing you all the best” with a Santa hat and a picture of a tree/sky. He didn’t respond.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 4:57 pm

Did you send it right after he posted? Because maybe he didn’t respond because he was with her
Patricia

December 15, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Okay. So what do you recommend now? They have been together about 4 months almost. I guess still honeymoon-ish. She is still married (he’s divorcing her) and she told me “I’m just having fun. I don’t know if I feel the same way” so that gives me a bit of hope that it’s not going THAT great.

Should I wait till Christmas and then send him just a friendly Christmas text or should I hold off and do NC for awhile again? It is harder when he’s with someone else b/c I have to be “there” which is a bit hard on me when I don’t get the responses I want.

I did make the mistake of saying I missed him just after that apology I got from him. I hope it didn’t hurt my chances too much but I almost feel I was too cold to him in that conversation so I wanted to remedy it by saying I did miss him. Haven’t heard a response since November 30th.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Being there means being there as a friend or a person to talk to to have fun and also to confide in but at the same time being ungettable. You have to look like you’ve moved on, continuously improving because he can see you’re active and so, that when he compares you to her, he’ll miss you and see you’re better.. If he didn’t initiate since november 30, and it’s been two week, yeah I think it’s better to initiate at Christmas
Patricia

December 10, 2016 at 9:52 pm

Did you get my recent comment? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2016 at 6:01 pm

Hi Patricia,

Yep, I did. Sorry for the late reply. I don’t think it’s a mistake that you forgave him but maybe he’s not initiating nor replying because he wants to be protective of his relationship now.
Patricia

December 7, 2016 at 8:38 pm

I am starting to feel like I made a mistake telling him I forgive him.
Patricia

December 7, 2016 at 8:25 pm

I hadn’t read your message yet but I did send him a memory text and told him not to feel bad. Whoops! I then sent him a text about whether he still needs my space heater and it’s okay if he does. He didn’t respond to either. I know he is still with her. I am wondering why he didn’t respond to my texts (it’s been a week and he has ALWAYS responded before). Especially after specifically saying he wants me to be in his life? Did she read the texts and tell him not to talk to me? I can’t figure it out. I haven’t texted him since. I ran into his new gf on the subway platform (so bizarre) and we chatted for like 10-15 minutes and cleared the air that there was no real overlap between us and no cheating, both of us were curious. It doesn’t sound like she told him about it. She also said that she was just having fun and didn’t know if she felt the way about him that she did her husband (her husband is leaving her, they are getting divorced). So to me that sounded a bit like that she wasn’t sure my ex-bf was a long term possibility. And yet they are still together happy! I am so confused. So now, do I go into NC for 30 days again? Or try again (it’s been a week since my last text)???
Patricia

December 1, 2016 at 10:23 pm

If he is at the phase of missing me while comparing me to the new girlfriend, what kind of texts should I send at this point? Would now be a good time to send him a relationship high-point/memory text? I want to remind him how sweet he was to me before. I know he remembers. I have no idea why he would be choosing her if he feels connected to me still, unless it’s about more sexual/romantic attraction to her. I know I am prettier, but she is new. And she’s in great shape (I’m in good shape also but have gotten into much better shape since we broke up, lost 15 pounds). At this point they have been together almost 4 months. That’s a long time. Is there a window that I have to try to make this happen before they get really attached for good, or is there still hope in the next few months? I am so sad now that I saw them painting on Instagram together. And he said in his chat that he was with someone else now, so he is choosing her.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 4:49 pm

Oh I meant not deliberately comparing you to her, but unconsciously..there will be times he will remember you and compare you to her, maybe from something she’s doing or how she dresses or acts and reacts and it can trigger him to check your account and observe how you are when you’re talking.
Dont send a high memory text when there’s no rapport and attraction yet..
Julia

December 1, 2016 at 9:13 am

My second text was an apology like in case I hurt his feelings. I suggested to meet and discuss what had happened because I want to discuss it with him in person. I wanted to give some explanation as to how feel or felt at the moment I ended things. He said no need to apologize but said he could not leave his dad for such a long time. He then asked how I was. To which I reacted very adequately by saying I understand his situation. I asked about his dad’s health and after getting a reply that his dad is ok I wrapped the conversation saying I need to go. and that was it. He did not ask anything about why I did what I did: ended things so rapidly ni thinking. I am not sure what kind of reply is this still can’t figure out if he is interested or not. please explain what is happening in his mind. Do I have a chance?
Patricia

November 28, 2016 at 10:48 pm

He replied this morning and we texted back and forth a bit then he asked if we could chat on gmail chat.
So we started chatting and then he told me all this:

Him: Can i get a confidentiality in this conversation from you!11:43 AM
im in the middle of something at the moment in case i dont answer is because Mike is around or another coworker
Me: okay no worries11:44 AM
do you want to talk another time ?11:44 AM
if you’re busy
Him: “No is fine now, i don’t want this to be misinterpreted by you!11:44 AM
I have been thinking a lot about you! This is being in my mind for the last month!11:45 AM
I have miss u a lot and thinking of you very well!”
Me: I think of you well also11:45 AM
Him: I wonder how you doing and i wonder if you are happy and safe!11:46 AM
Me: I stopped texting and driving so there you go, I’m safe11:46 AM
sorry didn’t mean to joke, but was right in front of me11:46 AM
Him: I am sad of how things ended between us, i never ever expected to hurt you and its in my ind the night u spent outside and when i drove u to ur place ans saw ur face before i 11:47 AM
left11:47 AM
I AM VERY SORRY !11:47 AM
I am with someone now but you will always remain in my life and you know me that i just dont talk to my past but i feel connected somehow with you!11:48 AM
i wish things would have been different but i believe somehow GOD does things its way!
Me: I don’t want to go into it, but this is what I was afraid of when you were keeping me away from parts of your life, this is why you get connected to someone else. That is what I was saying the whole time, how relationships end is because you don’t protect them. I guess I didn’t say it very well during our relationship, but that is what I meant the whole time. Wish I said it better.11:51 AM
You don’t suddenly fall for someone else, you let it happen by setting all the stage for it. Do you understand
Him: No
Me: Relationship must be first priority, and must be protected. We both made mistakes.11:53 AM
I hope you are happy honestly11:53 AM
After what you went through for years, I think you deserve it, and I respect your position.11:54 AM
Hope she treats you like you deserve11:54 AM
It’s okay. And you know we couldn’t go on like we were. Something had to shake it up because we were not on a good path, we got sidetracked from how we felt about each other in the beginning of us together and the closeness we felt as friends before that. It’s okay to feel emotions about it I think. You are right that all will happen as it is supposed to.12:03 PM
I really forgive you.12:04 PM
Him: IM SORRY12:08 PM
i have cry for many nights12:09 PM
thank you12:09 PM
i really needed to tell u this
I never menat to hurt you and ever see u crying that way12:11 PM
Me: I cried many days, but this is how it is, I am a grown up, life goes on, I don’t hold onto grudges or pain from the past. I miss your laugh more so than worrying about crying12:13 PM
Have you been watching PHIL MILLER12:14 PM (this is a show we used to watch together)
Him: i was thinbking of it an i happened to watched last night12:19 PM
funny he shaved12:19 PM
lol!12:19 PM
Me: lol i love him12:19 PM
Him: i miss that show so much!
Me: me too !! i have to catch up12:19 PM
i’m way behind on everyting12:20 PM
been trying to do more things and be inside less you know12:20 PM
but getting cold now!12:20 PM
Him: i hear you!12:20 PM
Me: i was actually thinking of you the other day, isn’t it weird how my dad died the same day in november a your stepdad? I always thought that was strange. Ugh sorry I wasn’t there for you during that. I was a terribly immature girlfriend.12:20 PM
actually i haven’t watched shameless either this season12:21 PM
speaking of immaturity!12:22 PM
lol12:22 PM
Him: what day12:25 PM
was it12:25 PM
NOVEMBER 2612:25 PM
24
Me: I have to look but I know it wa the same day12:26 PM
I think the 22nd perhaps? i will look it up12:26 PM
it’s in my records
Me: Hey, I have to go back to work, and I am on promotion track this year so I really shouldn’t be on gmail too much. ttys ok ?12:28 PM
Him:: Ok thank you for listening12:31 PM
good luck I know you will do amazing things in life!12:31 PM
Me: you’re welcome bye
Him: bye!”

So what the heck? He said he had cried and missed me, and he missed watching this show we used to watch together so much? Yet he didn’t want me to misinterpret and said he was with someone now (which I already knew about, and he knows I knew about).
I know he is trying to assuage his guilt. At this point, how do I re-attract him to mean? Just continue to build rapport? Could something be missing from his relationship with his new girlfriend?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 7:12 pm

He’s still at the phase of missing you and comparing you to his current.. So, yes, slowly build rapport while maintaining your routine
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 6:43 pm

Hi Patricia,

if he’s not responding because of his gf, that means he’s being protective..and if you keep texting, it might become irritating for him.. If he initiated in gchat, then keep it in gchat for now

Laura

November 27, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Hi Amor,

Was in a 6 yrs relationship. Few months ago he suddenly said wanted to have a cooling period. (During fight, and we r in LDR) And of cos I have messed up because I didn’t know what to do that time, I was needy and being pushy. I was rushing to getting back together.
Until last month I discovered this site and I started to do NC rule and self improvement. I have completed the NC and just sent my first text message today. Unfortunelty, I didn’t get any response from him. Does that mean he has move on? When can I start to sent another message again? I have used the ABI method on my first message, but still can’t get any response from him. So what kind of tactic I can use next and when can I start sending the second message with positive response!

Laura

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 1:05 pm

Hi Laura,

if he gave a positive response, you can try again the next day… Since he didnt respond in your first text, wait a week before trying again. Try a topic that he loves that is current.. If he still doesn’t respond, wait two weeks before trying again..if he still doesn’t respond after that, move on..

El

November 25, 2016 at 7:02 am

Hi, was in a relationship with my ex for 4 years, 1 year together and 3 years LDR. One day, we had an argument about work taking too much of his time and then he said he didn’t see the relationship going anywhere.

Sent him a text saying ‘i was sorry’ 2 days later but he didn’t respond.

Crashed my phone on purpose so i won’t contact him so i have no idea if he tried to reach out. He didn’t unfollow me on social media

Been in no contact with him for 35 days. I sent him a text yesterday and i got no response.

Should i just move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Hi El,

how much did you improve during nc? Were you active in social media?

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