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Confused
November 14, 2016 at 3:01 am
Hello,
I recently went through no contact for the full length period. Mind you my ex and I are long distance but from the same hometown. During no contact I noticed positives signs like him unblocking me on instagram etc. I contacted at the end of no contact and got great responses such as him dreaming of me, telling me I’m welcome to visit, that he wanted to visit, and even asked to see me during the upcoming holidays thanksgiving and christmas. The conversation got short towards the end due to his studying so i didn’t respond back for over a day. I sent a funny picture and his responses we’re noticeable shorter (we took time apart because of how busy he was previously and my unhappiness with his responding). I didn’t text back again for over a day and felt more bold so I asked if he missed me at all, he didn’t respond to the question and after a day told me he was sorry but had an event he was working for. I got upset that i still didn’t respond to the question and showed that I upset even saying I can tell he doesn’t miss me. He responded the next morning but not to anything I said just “Sorry I fell asleep”. Why the sudden change in his communication. What do I do now? Does this mean he no longer wants to meet? Its a week before we go home for thanksgiving break.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 6:22 pm
Hi confused,
how many days have you been texting?
tammy
October 26, 2016 at 10:01 pm
My bf of 3 month, got mad at me, over a text I sent him, he started a no contact with me :))
I text him the next day, if you need time, i undrestand, call me when your ready to talk
he kept the no contact and i never reached him, until two weeks after which was last friday
then he text me, do you have time to talk?
I said yes, he called ask me hows everything, I told him great just busy studying for my weekend exam.
then he said, okya then lets not talk i dont want to ruin your exam.
I said its fine, then he said, just wanted to say that it was not nice that i did this, but when you really care about someone, it gets them really mad and they need time to calm down
then i said, i know, thats why i gave you a distance, that im sorry and would promise to fix the problems.
then he said, no i think we need sometimes off thinking this through. I said, sorry but not talking or seeing each other wont fix our problem. he said, that he just called without plan a conversation and doesnt know what to say, and this is not a good time to talk since i have an important exam, and lets talk after my exam then
I text him on sunday, okay back from exam, do you have time to talk or maybe grab a coffee ?
he said busy tonight, call you tommorow
next day no calls, and it was around 8:30 pm i texted him, hey im home, let me know when you want to talk?
then no reply and two days past nothing!
1. he kinda sounded mad that his 2 weeks plan didnt work on me since i was busy studying
2. when we were talking i suggested that if he knows what he wants i dont want him to wait up for my exam, and he said, no I didnt call with a plan, just called to talk to see where its going!
what would you suggest if someone is pulling off the no contact on you ?
how to break that?
and how to reverese the cycle ?
thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 7:21 pm
HI Tammy,
if the person is really pulling off the no contact rule on you, that means he’s goal to get back with you. But if he’s just ignoring you to calm down or for something else, that’s different.
Sandra
October 24, 2016 at 5:59 am
Hi….i was on the 9th day of no contact he called me i missed his cal.I later texted.back taht i missed his call wasup?? he didnot reply.What should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 8:05 pm
You should restart the count.. I understand that it might be an emergency but if it really was, he would text you what it was
Sue
October 22, 2016 at 8:34 am
Did NC with coworker (dated, he lost interest/faded – still saw each other at work, I kept it friendly but didn’t initiate).
So got back in touch with email, he answered and asked about my w/e. I replied then got no response.
A few days later I text how was he doing. Replied straight away saying he was sorting his new project. Little exchange, only 2word answers from him. Wished him luck and left it.
Now I text I might not be back at work, wished him success, said it was fun with him (made it light/funny). He replied asking if it was goodbye, thanks, 2 kisses.
I answered I had new job, gave a little info/story (prob too long for a text). But now nothing. He read it but no comment.
Now what? I feel like I can’t text again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 11:45 am
Check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
ar
October 15, 2016 at 2:02 am
hi amor,
i texted my ex for the first time after no contact rule and he reply very postively and he opened some subjects to talk about and i ended up the conversation what can i do ? and is there any chance to get him back ? ,thanks
Ar
October 15, 2016 at 10:36 pm
He knew that i was sick he picked me up and bought for me medecine what shall i do now ??
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 12:02 pm
Try to talk to him more in the gym.. and yes, give him your number.. if you want, do it by sending a first contact message..just mention in that message that that’s your new number..check this for your first contact message:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Rojina
October 15, 2016 at 4:37 am
I go to the same gym with him but i wasnt contacting him at all only i say hello what should i do when i see him now also i have changed my number shall i give it to him or not ?! Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 4:05 am
that’s good but you need to initiate more.. one text is not going to build rapport.. what’s more important is thay you have good conversations and that you’ll be the one to end the conversation at high note.. use topics that are interesting for him
Lal
October 14, 2016 at 7:40 am
My boyfriend and I of 3 years has broken up last Wednesday. We were in a LDR but seen each other very often. Recently I came to college so it became even more distant and we were fighting a lot in the last month especially in the last week leading up to our breakup. We are use to break ups because we argued a few times and broke up and made up in our relationship and once that even led up to 2 months. He usually is cold when we break up but not for as long as he is now. We’ve been actively speaking since the break up and he’s said “i love you” once. But still continues to be very cold and removed our picture from his Facebook cover photo and told me to remove his name from my phone from what I had it as. He still answers me and helps me with basically anything I asks and answers my calls, but is still cold when it comes to anything dealing with our relationship. Im not sure if he’s serious or using this as a defense mechanism. I definitely think it’s time to begin the NC period because he knows how much I want him and how hard it is for me to not talk to him but I’m scared that he may find someone else
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 14, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi Lal,
well, even if you stayed, it won’t stop him from being with someone else if he wants to..
Julie
October 13, 2016 at 8:19 pm
I was in a LDR for 4 years, but my boyfriend broke up with me 8 months ago saying the distance was too much. I didn’t beg for him back, we kept in contact by text, i didn’t send him “i miss you” texts, it was all quite light conversation until about 6 weeks ago i did send him a text saying i was missing him, he didn’t respond. I left it for another 2 weeks and sent a “hi, how are you?” message, he hasn’t responded to that either and it’s been about 3 weeks now. Should I text again or leave him alone? He hasn’t blocked me on anything but i unfriended him on facebook when we split up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 9:10 pm
Hi Julie,
Nope..YOu should start the no contact rule..
Kimberly
October 13, 2016 at 4:22 am
My ex and I were in an LDR and I broke up with him during an argument to which he responded by saying “OK goodbye have a beautiful life” and then immediately blocked me from all outlets of contacting him. After 3 weeks I sent him a very short message on a card apologizing, stating I wasn’t angry and that I love and missed him. During the time that the card was en route, he came back to Facebook and I am not blocked there. I had sent him a gift prior to breaking up and had told him when I was breaking up with him that it was in the mail and just to throw it away when it got there…well he didn’t pick it up from the post office…it sat there. Until the time my card would have arrived and then he picked it up..the gift sat there for 10 days and he finally picked it up. The gift was a book I had made for him of all the cute and funny reasons I loved him. So now he has the card, and the book as of a few days ago. How long should I wait for a contact from him before I try again? More NC or new approach?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 3:54 pm
Hi Kimberly,
Since you’re in no contact just continue it and be active.. If he doesn’t contact you until you end no contact, that’s ok.. You don’t have to extend, if he contacts you within this no contact and says he wants you back, then break nc and get back with him.. if it’s only negative, then don’t reply and extend no contact.
Rojina
October 9, 2016 at 4:18 pm
I made the NC rule for 30 days when i text him he responded immediatly but with a neutral respond i ended up the chat only we talked about 5 scentences only
Rojina
October 14, 2016 at 9:48 pm
Hi amor ,
It was a video capturing an hotel i only text him saying it is a beautiful hotel and he replied immediately but one scentence with a positive reply and other with a neutral one
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 4:05 am
that’s good but you need to initiate more.. one text is not going to build rapport.. what’s more important is thay you have good conversations and that you’ll be the one to end the conversation at high note.. use topics that are interesting for him
Rojina
October 9, 2016 at 4:21 pm
And i commented on his snapchat story that was my first text
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 8:13 am
Hi Rojina,
Did you mean your first contact text was a reaction to his story? What was it? What was his story and what was your reaction?
I think you should check this one for a proper first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Cristina
October 1, 2016 at 11:49 am
Hi Amor,
So I completed no contact and messaged my ex my very interesting first contact message. He replied after 8 hours. It was late in the day, so I waited over an hour but then replied. In hindsight I should have given him an ended text (saying something like “nice chatting with you ttyl”) but I was planning on not replying after he replied. Except he never replied. I didn’t come across what to do on day 2 if that happens so I decided to text him on day 2 another interesting message (pulled a “do you know what I just realized?!”) which he responded to (“what?”) and then when I sent him my second message of the day he never responded. Again, I didn’t send him an ended text, but was planning on not replying (it would have been hard to explain what news I found out and say goodbye in a single message).
How would you suggest I move forward now? Take a few days off of contacting him??
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Yep, take a week off.
B
September 28, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Hi about texts,what if i text him. “Hi stranger,hows it going”? After NC….
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 2:10 pm
Hi B,
not a good one…. Check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Lea
September 28, 2016 at 1:52 am
Ok, completed no contact. First text – positive response. Second text – positive response, very brief conversation. Third text – no response. What do I do now?
Lea
October 11, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Thanks, I reached out again and he seemed very interested in chatting. Kept that conversation short but friendly. But then I followed up to that conversation a few days later and he seems uninterested. I’m confused by the mixed signals. At what point do I wait for him to initiate the conversation or accept that it really is over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 5:30 pm
if there is no rapport yet, he will really not initiate.. and I think you should start a new topic.. ok, wait a week, if he doesn’t reply.. wait two weeks before initiating again, if he doesn’t reply to that, then it’s better to move on.
Lea
October 3, 2016 at 2:18 am
Thanks Amor! I didn’t contact him, but he reached out and asked if I wanted tickets to an event. Let me clarify, not to go with him, just tickets to have. I declined, saying I already had plans but that really confused me. Any thoughts on that or how I should proceed?? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 8:12 pm
that’s a good sign.. jut continue on with resting.. you dod the right thing by saying you had your own plans..just for now rest and then initiate after 5 days
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 29, 2016 at 5:53 am
Hi Lea,
rest from texting..maybe 3-5 days before sending again
Nicole
September 27, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Hi Amber,
yesterday I sent my ex a first text message. It was a “memory” text and he replied, against my expectations, very happily adding the cute giggling smily in whatsapp. Then asked how I was doing. When I replied that everything was fine and that I was only very exhausted from exercising and had to go to bed now (to cut the conversation short!) I got an immediate response: “I’ m also doing quite well….just being very busy at the moment 🙂 very glad to hear from you again”.. First I was so relieved and thought, okay, it works! So I wrote another text today: “Yes, of course you’re busy. Didn’t forget you’re preparing for your exams this month. I’m also quite busy as I’m giving lessons now (as you recommended once, which was a good idea, thank you :-)) So how’s it going at uni atm?” This was it. I know he’s busy.. but he was online several times and it’s been 8 hours… Was he only nice in first place because he felt guilty or something? Tomorrow is day 3, which means no texts anyway.. Should I try once more on day 4 or just do some days of NC again?
Nicole
September 27, 2016 at 7:18 pm
Sorry! This was autocorrect… Amor, of course!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 6:38 pm
Hahaha! It’s ok! I think it was just not an interesting topic for him, so he didn’t reply..
Donn
September 25, 2016 at 10:13 pm
Hi
So this is a long story and I will try and keep it as short as possible.
My ex partner (31) and I (29) had been together just short of 10 years. 4 years ago I had cheated on him, a one night stand and big mistake, in which he walked in on.
We lived together we have for about the whole 9 years of our relationship. I practically made him stay with me. Things got better over the years bur it always lingered. For the last year my ex hadn’t been showing me the same affection he had and I wanted to settle. I gave him an ultimatum we marry or he leaves. He kept telling me he wasn’t ready to make that choice and I pushed him for an answer (hoping it would be marriage) turns out he wants out. This happened a month and a half ago.
For the first month I was devastated, begging and sobbing etc, still living together. About 2 weeks ago he had to travel to dubai for work (still there) and about 5 days ago I put the nc in place. He is comING back tomorrow and I text him to ask if he could stay in the end other room. Even though we broke up we slept in the same room. I am moving out of the flat on 28 and him on 30 both into separate places. When talking he says he still loves me but is always reminded of the cheating and can’t seem forget or forgive me for it. When we are happy we really are happy together and his whole family (even they know about what happened) still tell him he’s wrong to be leaving me.
Do you think I can get him back? And is there any specific advice u can give me for this situation.
Thanks
Donn
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 10:28 am
Hi Donn,
There’s a good chance that you will. I think all both of you just need a fresh start. He has to see you differently from the woman he knew before. Aim for that during and after no contact. Since this is the first time that you’re going to be apart, I think you can just do 30 days, if you feel you need to extend to 45 days that’s ok.
Jane Louise Elmes
September 24, 2016 at 3:13 am
Hi
Ive just started the nc 30 days. Been with my husband for 9 years and he started to see someone a week after he left 12 weeks ago and is still seeing her. He took her out where we were supposed to go for my birthday and we had a bit of a row about it last week and have been arguing divorce etc. but I don’t want to. I text him today asking for space saying I do miss him but need to have some time apart. We have had a turbulent relationship over the last 2 years as my mum was terminally ill then died last august. I do think that I neglected him in it all and just want to repair things and get back to myself. I’m worried he will have moved on further with this girl in 30 days though but I need time to heal myself.
Do you think it will work or shall I give up!
Jane
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 6:03 pm
Hi Jane,
We can’t guarantee that nc will work but think of more of it as helping yourself and not for getting him back. The other girl looks more like a rebound. You had 9 years together, that’s not easy to forget. So, now focus getting yourself back.
Celie Nasoc
September 21, 2016 at 6:55 pm
Hello Chris! I’ve been in a 1.5 year relationship that ended I guess by me and with no contact. We fight a lot and he says he’s tired of the fighting but refuses to see his role and just blames me as if im fighting alone. In the 1.5 years, he’s broken up with me 5 times, each tint no more than 4 days. It starts off that he’s so miserable about the fighting and just wants peace and tells me every negative thing he’s ever thought until that point, and dumps me. Then after 4 days I get the I miss you and you’re the love of my life texts, he’s super kind and romantic and amazing for a few months then breaks up again if we start to fight again. This time he broke up up with me and after 3 days wanted me back and I returned to him on day 5 (gave him two days to think I was unsure, didn’t want it to be that easy) …but by that weekend he was saying “I don’t have it in me to keep working on this, You’re wasting my time, I want a family, you treat me crappy” just all this terrible blaming and not seeing himself. Well after a weekend of nothing but terrible roller coaster (2 days of peace and bliss) then he went home on Sunday and after a family party he attended, “where’s ny happy ending, leave me alone and let me be happy, I don’t want this anymore” texts to me, I told him how cruel he sounded and it made me sad. The next day he texted me another rejection text at like 4am! But I didn’t respond. That was Monday. I am on day 3 of NC amd since Monday he has he texted over 28 times called my best friend and called me and left me crying vm’s saying to please call him he’s so sorry he crossed the line with me.
My question is, obviously NC is working and it’s good for me to get off the roller coaster of being told im the love of his life then told “leave me alone”… But how long should I stay NC? He has a cycle of wanting me desperately but then rejecting me so I don’t want NC to last 45 days but I don’t want to break NC solely Bc he’s calling and texting so much. Please help! I would love to have my NC be a success story and I feel like I have more control right now but I am terrified of breaking NC too early and having the rejection /adoration cycle begin again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 10:26 am
Hi Celie,
normally we actually recommend 45 days to on off relationships but since yours was just days away each time, I think you can do just 30 days
Sarah
September 19, 2016 at 5:24 pm
Long story short my ex moved out of state in February of this year to pursue a career so we went from being together all the time to doing long distance. Although long distance wasn’t ideal we made a lot of trips back and forth to see each other and texted/facetimed every day. The first week that he was there his mom was diagnosed with cancer which he was obviously devastated about so as the months went on he decided that he needed to move back home so that he can help her and the rest of his family out. He came back in June and everything was good at first but he just kept being more and more stressed as the days went on because he was trying to make life easier for his mom and prepare for her surgery that is happening at the end of this month. This definitely took a toll on our relationship because I felt like every time we were together his mind was somewhere else and that he just wasn’t happy in general. So this escalated into a couple of small fights and then another larger fight where he said he “needed a break” but then decided the next day we didn’t really have to take a break. After that his behavior was still strange because he was avoiding seeing me, avoiding talking about me when his family asked, ect. But he was still texting with me like normal. One night he asked me if he could stay the night on Saturday and then do a day trip on Sunday — I of course agreed but when Saturday got there he changed plans 4 times…
This turned into a fight and he decided that he really “needed a break” and that he “can’t juggle family problems and a relationship” and that we need to both “move on with our lives.” He also mentioned that he is “moving back to SC eventually so we might as well do this now rather than then.” His parents and a couple of his older siblings have reached out to me because he won’t really tell them what’s going on when they ask about me. They also said that he has been acting cold towards everyone lately and they think that it’s mostly stress, not just me.
I’m on day 19 of no contact and was wondering if I should actually do 45 days rather than 30? His moms surgery is coming up very soon so I know that the stress of that situation will still be weighing heavily on him around day 30. And I obviously have things to change but do you think that that will be enough since there are a lot of outside factors (the stress of him quitting his job, moving home and trying to help his family)?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 2:49 pm
Hi Sarah,
if you need to extend to 45, that’s ok.. but keep in mind the change doesnt stop during nc, it has to be continuous while you’re building rapport with hin
Amanda
September 14, 2016 at 2:27 pm
I’m currently about halfway through NC after sort of mutually ending a 2+ year relationship. The main reason we ended things was because I wanted to spend more time with him than he had available for me. Basically he did not want to commit to the relationship even though he said he loved me, and he said that if we stayed together it would be unfair to me because I want to be with someone who actually has time for a relationship and to spend with me. Anyway, we have not spoken to each other at all since the breakup, and I’m doing well and moving on, but I still wish to be friends with my ex after NC. I have a few stories to share with him regarding mutual friends but I’m waiting until the NC period ends. But knowing him, he will ignore me when I reach out, or once I tell him the story he will never respond again. I don’t know how to make him want to visit me in person to talk when he has always been sort of selfish and egotistical, and I think his ego won’t let him talk to me in person now that we are broken up.
Amanda
September 27, 2016 at 3:38 am
I ended my NC today by reaching out to him saying I had a funny story to tell him about my roommate that he would be interested in, and he responded positively at first but now is ignoring me like I had imagined he would after telling him the story and I guess fulfilling his curiosity. I’m wondering if I should just ignore him back for another 30 days (or forever) because I don’t want to waste my energy hoping he will talk to me when he probably won’t. Mostly I just wanted to clear the air and break the silence because we go to the same small college and are bound to bump into each other, and I feel like it would be immature and unnecessary to ignore each other when we do
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 11:11 am
Oh, well, it wouldn’t really take just one text to build rapport. If he broke up with, he’s not going to be the one interested in building rapport with you at first.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 5:38 pm
HI Amanda,
it’s just because of his ego that he won’t respond? Or because you think he would think you’re reaching out to get him back?
Kendra
September 6, 2016 at 5:11 pm
I have completed my 30-day no contact rule. Then I texted him this morning about a good memory we had but didn’t get any response. I saw him online on facebook. We haven’t broken up but haven’t also talked for a month now. It just happen that I stopped the communication to give him space. I’m afraid he has moved on. We’ve been together for 9 months now and we are having an LDR. Please help!
Kendra
September 10, 2016 at 2:58 pm
How to attract a guy when we are miles apart? And if it is a good idea to see him after the 2nd NC rule? What are the thing I need to do when we meet? Please do help me. I need to know.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 8:46 am
Utilize the social media and take it slow..build up rapport first before meeting.. Read this one too: The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
Kendra
September 9, 2016 at 11:57 am
Is there any possiblity to that we can be together again? Im not messaging him anymore. And I am initiating the NC until I come home for closure. Cause I do have alot of questions in my head that I need to address to him. Im hurt and full of anger.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 11:36 am
If he has moved on then there’s less possibility of him asking you back.. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have a restart and attract him back. So, the question really is, will you be able to attract him back? I think you can but you have to let go of the previous relationship. Think of him as somebody that you like but doesn’t have feelings you and now you’re trying to attract him.
Kendra
September 8, 2016 at 10:18 am
He finally replied. He broke up with me. He said that the 30 days of no contact gave him enough time to think that he is not ready to commit and that he realizes that he only loves me as a friend. What to do? I love him so much. What about the 9 months that we shared? What was it? Im so confused and hurt with all the questions in my mind that I needed answer. I already took a flight ticket to get home before this happened. Should I initiate a new 30 day nc rule and meet him after it? Was that a good idea? I dont know it seems he has changed a lot.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 11:44 am
accept it. If he really has moved on, he would only be willing to be friends again if he knows you have moved on too.. tell him you understand and that you feel the same way too.. and then slowly build rapport and attraction
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 9:44 am
Hi Kendra,
give him 3-5 days.. if he doesnt reply, initiate again
Ivy
September 4, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Hi! So I did the 30 day NC, and been really active and focusing on improving myself. He actually liked a picture I posted on instragram picture a few days ago of me at a party. I wrote him a really good text yesterday – the first text after NC, but he didn’t respond! What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 3:11 pm
Hi Ivy,
what was the text? Rest from texting for a week before trying again.