What To Do If You Had Sex With The Ex? Make Them Want You

191 thoughts on “What To Do If You Had Sex With Your Ex?”

Emma

August 8, 2020 at 5:02 pm

Me and my Ex had a messy break up about a month ago, didnt speak for a few weeks and then ended up spending more or less two days together, resulting in us having sex. He’s dealing with a lot of mental health issues at the moment, but other than a few texts after he left and another short conversation, we haven’t really spoken since. I want us to get back together and I’m avoiding messaging him at all costs, but I don’t know what to do next?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 8, 2020 at 10:58 pm

Hey Emma you need to start following the program, first step is No Contact and reading some articles so that you understand how the program works and how to improve your situation

Charley

August 6, 2020 at 6:33 pm

Me and my boyfriend split up over 3 weeks ago, at first it seemed like he hated me. We didn’t really talk. Then we spoke and said he needs to focus on himself and his health, but since then we’ve spoke a bit more he came round to talk and we did have a kiss and cuddle. Then he had an outburst and seemed to get angry again. We’ve spoken more I’m trying to fix the issues and get him back. Then today after a few more heart to hearts and me telling how much I missed the intimacy and love he came round and we slept together.. he seemed to enjoy it. How do I play this and how do I win him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 8, 2020 at 11:19 pm

Hey Charley, as you are not together and you slept together. You now need to go into a No Contact so that you do not chase him as he is going to be expecting you to blow up his phone in a couple of days. You need to be strong and show him you are not desperate and you are not going to chase him. Read and work through the Ungettable articles and apply this to yourself.

Marie

August 6, 2020 at 12:19 pm

Hi I just broke up with my ex for 6 years a month ago and the first 3 weeks I’ve been begging and pleading for him to come back and all he does is push me away. We lived together and he left a month ago as well. He tells me he’s not ready to see me or want a relationship and tells me over and over again we’re done. So about a week ago I stopped texting him and decided to do the no contact rule. But after just a few days not texting him at all obviously he doesn’t text me first he came at my house and we ended up having sex. He told me before he left he didn’t mean it to happen. But I acted like it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t care. After a few minutes when he left he texted me saying I’m sorry I didn’t want to do that I don’t know what happened to me and I’ll not do that again. I didn’t reply to him and don’t know what to do. What does he mean and what should I do next?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 8, 2020 at 11:28 pm

Hey Marie, you need to go into a 30 day NC and just spend some time not speaking to your ex. Letting him think that you really are not bothered that you slept together and that you are moving on with your life.

val

August 1, 2020 at 11:09 pm

I slept with my ex boyfriend from 8 years ago.
it was great and we did talk about the old times, good and bad.
We both enjoyed and he even asked me stay over night so I did.
He made me breakfast the next morning and we talked about how it was a little weird.
I was straight up and asked if he was interested in dating me. He said it was the wrong time for him since he is in 3 bands as a guitar player and is very active in them.
he also said, hes not saying NO but he cant make me any promises right now..I did tell him the ball is in his court.
so, now i am not contacting him at all and letting him come to me. am i doing the right thing? i dont want a friends with benefits thing and he knows that. i want a real relationship. should i just let it be and and wait on him to come to me? what if he does come to me but only wants sex again, i can be strong and say NO!
what do you suggest?
thanks,

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 6, 2020 at 12:05 am

Hey Val so you are doing the right thing letting him get in touch with you first and also not chasing him after spending the night with him is going to make him wonder why you are not calling him up to see you again. If and when he does reach out to you, you need to be calm and in control of your impulses, give him certain times where you are available and he then needs to fit into your schedule.

Edwina

July 30, 2020 at 1:18 pm

Hi! I was seperated for approximately one year from my husband; during that time I dated someone and feel in love. Everything was going great. We ended things because I was unable to file for a divorce. Mind you, I am not in a happy marriage, but we have a child together and my husband refuses to discuss our issues. To make a long story short, my husband found out of my “affair” and was highly upset. Note: he was never given confirmation that my affair was sexual; he just states he knows it was. I ended things with my lover, and stood in marriage. I cut all ties with my lover for 3 years. My marriage has not changed for the better whatsoever. We sleep in seperate rooms, before the separation and till this day. I feel he is playing role of “roommate”. Recently, my lover, contacted me… we’ve been talking and texting, and all seems as we did when we had started dating 3 years ago. He shared with me the pain he went thru when loosing me. He states he waited for me an entire year for my return. He attempted numerous times to contact me, but I wouldn’t return calls and had taken him off social media. After a long year and a half, he stated he had to pick up the pieces and try to date. He commenced a relationship, that lasted approximately 6 months, and it was difficult for him to continue it for all he ever thought of was me. He states missing me and thoughts of me consumed him. That he is certain as he was when we were dating, that I was and will forever be the love of his life. It’s crazy, because after our affair, I felt same about him for those 3 years as I continued in my helpless marriage. To make story short, we have been in constant communication since he reached out and I finally accepted the contact. He has requested we meet and honestly we are both looking forward to be sexual. I am feeling a bit afraid, for at this time I am not a separated married woman , I am a married woman with my husband under my roof, therefore I will become a cheater. I’m not sure if meeting u with my ex (lover) is a good idea. But, oh my… I really want to. What if he’s my soulmate? We are both over 50 years of age… it’s scary. What is we belong together, yet I’m wasting years in a marriage that don’t bring me happiness. Any advice will be highly appreciated. Should I meet with my ex (lover)?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 31, 2020 at 3:48 pm

Hi Edwina, I would suggest that you end your marriage and file for divorce being with someone who you are this unhappy with is unfair to your husband and to you. Your child will learn to adjust and also be happier if they have two happy parents not two parents who do not even love each other. As for your ex, that is for you to decide but until you leave your husband you are bound to repeat the same pattern as last time you were invovled

Claire

July 27, 2020 at 8:36 am

My ex of 4 months split with me 6 months ago. We stayed in contact with regular texts & phone calls till 2 months ago, when he blocked me as I was getting too dependent on him & lockdown made me feel insecure that he ever did love me etc.
6 weeks ago we got back in contact as he had promised to fix my car. We’ve had light contact since & then last night we had sex and I have left this morning having not said anything about a future etc. I still love him and would dearly love to be with him again. We get on, chat lots, laugh and feel relaxed together. Plus the sex is amazing!
But I can’t ask him how he feels as I’m scared he’ll then run away. He broke up because he said I was “too full on” ‍♀️ I am insecure and do love intensely. What do I do now to get him back ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 8, 2020 at 11:38 pm

Hey Claire, I would suggest that the first thing you should be doing is working on your self esteem and confidence so that you are not so insecure. Reaching out to your ex when you are insecure is going to show and that is not going to be seen as attractive. Confidence is key

Krystal Daniels

July 20, 2020 at 5:42 pm

My ex had reached out to me out of the blue. At first I didn’t know who’s number that was (Since I deleted his number after a nasty breakup) but when he revealed himself to me, I was wondering why he wanted to talk to me. Since our public breakup feud on social media had stopped in the beginning of this year, he told me that he actually missed our friendship and romantic times. At first I was reluctant to forgive him, but we both apologized for the things we said and did. And we reconnected our friendship however, we had to contact each other in a low key way because he doesn’t want his sister to find out that we got in touch. She was also the reason why he broke up with me. I did agree to not making our friendship public for his sister and family to see. It’s also very obvious that he missed us when are friendship was very inseparable as well as our relationship. And we still say sexual, sweet nothings to each other. But the last thing I want is to feel like I’m reliving those hurt feelings and pain.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 11, 2020 at 2:24 pm

Hi Krystal, it sounds as if you could get your ex back in a romantic way but you need to understand that his sister, and possibly family will be against this at first and it is only going to work and last if he is willing to stick up for you and your relationship. Tread carefully is my advice, do not let your feelings get stronger until you know he is going to stand up for you

Natalie

July 12, 2020 at 7:19 pm

Hi, I have recently connected with my ex of 20 years. We were together in high school. We have been texting, phone sex. We also have some great conversations. We didn’t break up 20 years for any bad reasons, we just ended up going to different colleges. After talking with him I’m really feeling a connection. I am currently in a relationship that has not being going well in the last 5 years. We are taking some time off and I have been interested in my ex. My ex and I are planning to be intimate at some point in the next few months And spending time getting to know one another. I just want to know if it’s a good idea I do this or should I just take it slow with him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 13, 2020 at 4:32 pm

Hi Natalie, so I would suggest that you take it slow with your ex but also be clear and end things properly with your current. It is unfair to make someone feel that they are on a break when you plan to see how something goes with a second person

Madi

July 11, 2020 at 7:26 pm

Hi! Me and my ex broke up about a year ago. I ended things with him and we both immediately rebounded. I’ve missed him basically the whole year and reached out and we hungout, had drinks, and had sex. We have hungout 2 times since then and had sex again but he said he doesn’t want a relationship for a while, and that our breakup was the hardest thing he’s ever gone through. So I know he’s guarded right now. Is there still a chance? The fact that he’s even hanging out with me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 4, 2020 at 10:18 pm

Hi Madi, you are setting yourself up for a friends with benefits situation where you are likely to get hurt and have to go back into a No Contact again. I suggest that you stop sleeping with him and pull back where he has to invest some time in talking to you, and taking you out on dates etc.

Clarice

July 1, 2020 at 2:46 am

Hey, my ex and I broke up 6 months ago,we decided to remain friends. Though I never texted him because of the contact period he recently reached out to me and we hanged out and had sex after small amount of cuddle time I asked him to take me home right after. Now he hasn’t reached out. Should I approach him or keep the no contact?Is there a chance he wants things to go back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 4, 2020 at 12:32 am

Hi Clarice, I would suggest that you go into a No Contact and leave it for 21 days and then start the texting phase, but it is important that you do not sleep with him again unless you are back together

Jessie

June 26, 2020 at 10:51 pm

Hi, my ex fiance broke up with me 3 yrs ago, we started speaking again last winter, not everyday just once every now and then and we sext and have phone sex together, but he was so clear that we won’t be back together, and I said it’s okay. But I love him and I really want us to get back together, is there any chance ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 27, 2020 at 8:02 pm

Hey Jessie, it sounds as if he is still interested but I suggest that you start meeting up and having dates and not rushing the sex because you want a commitment before you end up in a friends with benefits situation

Pat

June 22, 2020 at 2:50 am

Great article. Read it after sleeping with the ex. We did not cuddle after. I got yo went to the bathroom we both fell asleep….we got up he drove me home no kiss or physical contact. I texted him hours later saying i appreciated him for last night. (That was probably a wrong move). I don’t want to be friends with benefits did I screw up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 27, 2020 at 9:31 pm

Hi Pat as long as you do not start chasing him then you will see progress, if you start chasing he will feel like he needs to end things with you again. Complete a short nc and then start the texting phase

Laura

June 9, 2020 at 7:01 pm

Hi, i slept with my ex three nights ago.

We have been separated for a year. He had issues & wanted ‘space & time’ to clear his head. He has been in deep therapy for the year too. We had 3 months of no contact from my side. Then we have slowly been meeting for walks, talking about
nothing too deep. A few weeks ago i had a bad patch where i was missing him so badly & told him. He was also feeling the same. After a normal walk together he suggested a longer walk with lunch. Our day went beautifully…. again just hanging out
no kisses or touching. Every time
i was about to leave he made an excuse for
me to stay, ‘Let’s get one more coffee’ , ‘let’s watch a movie’ etc. After our film he was sobbing…. i reached out & gave him a hug & he broke down in my arms. He said he has missed me & i have a big affect on him. I stayed over & we had been drinking. No sex that night we just fell asleep together. The next morning after a good hour or so of holding each other & looking at each other we made love. He said how beautiful i was & the sex was. He made me breakfast, tea & more tea. I decided to leave his around midday.
We have not spoke about it & i am unsure if we should ? As i left him i did say ‘let’s not over think this’ and he kissed me a lot as i
left. Help…. what is my next move? I am still in love with him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 16, 2020 at 10:17 pm

Hey Laura as you slept with him and don’t want a friends with benefits situation you need to not chase him right now. Take a step back almost. And then see if he initiates in the next few days, I would suggest that you avoid being his FWB or a booty call when he is lonely. Start the texting phase and start getting him invested in talking to you and spending his time with you

Kacey

June 3, 2020 at 7:25 pm

We split about a month ago… Started talking after 2 weeks NC. Seen each other twice since then the last 2 weekends. The last weekend we slept together… Drunk…. Big mistake on my part. And we cuddled after which I regret. Didn’t talk about the relationship or breakup or anything like that… Haven’t brought it up once since we broke up. I left in the morning and he didn’t msg me that day at all. I didn’t reach out either. The next night he msged me and we talked a bit. Just small talk. He’s so hot and cold. The last couple of days I’ve been the one to reach out or if he reached out he wouldn’t say much and I would be the one trying to keep the convo going (another mistake on my part). Where do I go from here? Yesterday I reached out and I left him on read last night after he said his day was exhausting that he was heading to bed as soon as he got the energy to do some cleaning up around his house. He was online again though an hour later and again an hour after that. I was online too but I was just chatting with some of my other friends. I know I messed up a bit and need to be harder to get (covid 19 definitely doesn’t help you keep yourself busy!) ive been working on myself a lot since the breakup. I just need to know what to do now that I have already slept with him once… We cuddled…. And then I talked too much… Thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 12, 2020 at 9:38 pm

Hi Kacey, you need to go back into No Contact and start the program again

Anastasia

May 31, 2020 at 7:29 pm

Hi! My ex broke up with me 3 months ago due to some family differences. We have been together for 4 years. We loved each other when we broke up. To this day (3 months later, he still hasn’t told his family we’ve broken up) He was reaching out a lot at first but it’s moreso me reaching out now. He still responds and is conversational. He asked to meet up with me two months after we broke up- and we drank, talked and had sex. He initiated cuddling with me and kept kissing me and even didn’t let me leave until I kiss him goodbye. In the last month he seems more distant and is okay with going weeks without talking when we used to text all day long. And when we talk about “us” he seems to have moved on emotionally. But idk if he has or if he’s just trying to be a strong tuff guy.
I recently asked him to come over to my house and we spent all day together talking, drinking and eat. As it got into the late evening, he kissed me and put his hands on my face told me he wanted to take a photo of me in that moment because I am just so beautiful. He initiated sex and again kissed and cuddled with me all night.
I just can’t read him- idk what he wants. Does he still love me? Why do all this extra love-y stuff then not text me the next day? I still love him deeply and he knows that. But I’m at a fork in the road emotionally cause I can’t read him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 16, 2020 at 8:50 am

Hey Anastasia, so I would say that this guy probably does still care for you, but he is getting benefits of a relationship without being in one… You need to set the record straight. If you are not back together then you need to end this before you get hurt and start your No Contact phase.

Sam

May 20, 2020 at 5:45 am

We split a month ago after living together for 6 years he has alcohol/personality disorder issues, but been talking every night trying to keep him focused to get help. Last night we ended up sexting.. my question is does the rule apply to my situation too?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 7:57 pm

Hi Sam, so this is not how we suggest you follow this program, you would need to go into a No Contact. With him having alcohol and personality disorder that is up to him to take care of himself as you are not his guardian. During your No Contact you need to be working on your Holy Trinity

Chris

May 19, 2020 at 10:37 pm

6 years with the mother of my two kids.. she than had an affair that lasted almost 3 years behind my back. She left me for him and never told me about him.. or why. I found out while going through my PC.. within 2 mo. Her married man she was wanting a relationship . Turned out to be sleeping with multiple girls other than her.. two days after finding this out she came back and begged me to take her back.. I did after agreeing to go to counseling. The counseling we did were as couples for several months.. at that point the counselor reccomended she do individual counseling.. she stopped going for a month and at my request she went… 3 months later she moved out and said she wasn’t happy anymore. Broke my heart.. again. Three mo. She has been gone and was reluctant to ever talk or spend time with me. She asked if she could come over this weekend and I said ok.. she stayed three days and had sex both nights she was here. Today I texted her at work and asked if she was stopping out afterwards. She texted me saying she enjoyed our to me together and said she felt sad. I told her maybe it’s depression.. (runs in her family). She said maybe.. she said she wanted to be alone and that she was going to go hang out with her friend and maybe she would come over later maybe not. She also said that shoes afraid that she didn’t want to hurt me and that she doesn’t want us to get back together.. than her leave me again. She claimed she didn’t know if she could be the girl I needed her to be in a relationship. (Open, honest, and faithful). We have two girls together 4 an 6.. I love her, and she loves me. I’m sure. . She is just never open about her feelings and confused all the time. What can I do??!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 8:07 pm

Hi Chris, I would say that she needs to get herself sorted, and she is right not to come back until she has decided what is going to help her. I hope your daughters are doing well with their mother going through this stage. I would avoid sleeping with her again until you are back together – if that happens. There is not much you can do apart from be a good father to your children, and also make sure you are taking your own feelings into consideration too. Follow a Limited no contact information for some time so that she has the opportunity to miss you and also be in touch with the girls at the same time.

Tonnie

May 16, 2020 at 2:48 am

So i broke up with my ex about 2 months ago over random arguments that actually really hurt his feelings,after the breakup he kept on texting me and telling me that he believes nothing should change even though we’ve broken up,I agreed and we were talking like nothing happened.
We met like a month after and it was just like old times, nothing changed, we were free with each other
Fortunately he slept off leaving his phone was with me unlocked,I checked through his messages and saw that he’s been texting other girls then I confronted him that our breakup isn’t even up to a month and he’s started texting other girls
He then said they’re no strings attached and they’ve not started dating blah blah
He started feeling bad then we had sex
Immediately i left his place,I started feeling guilty so i blocked him on whatsapp and all then he started calling and begging me to unblock him
I didn’t until we met somehow then he knelt down for me to unblock him
I did because I wanted to though
We started talking again like normal friends
Then one day,He told me he thinks I deserve the truth and said he dated a girl after we broke up, had sex with her and broke up then kissed another girl
I was wowed that I didn’t know what to say but I couldn’t judge him so I pretended asif he didn’t tell me anything to make him not feel bad and all
And we continued talking normally about stuffs like getting back together but he didn’t make any move
But I knew he loves me, i just didn’t figure out what he wanted exactly
Then we met again and had sex without getting back together
Once again I started feeling guilty and was forcing him for a relationship
He finally did ask me but I knew it was forced and I couldn’t say yes, I said no
Then he went all he planned to ask me out on my birthday(June)but i ruined it, blah blah
So presently, we’re still exes but he’s still texting me asif nothing happened but i told him I’ve given up on us and that we’re over
I’m so confused, prolly i overreacted or he never or doesn’t love me
I really need your help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 6, 2020 at 8:44 pm

Hi Tonnie, I am not sure what you want help with. If you are unsure of where you stand with him then you need to have a conversation about this and if he still says that you are broken up then you need to go into a No Contact for 30 days and then start the texting phase. Make sure that you are working on your Holy Trinity regardless of how your conversation goes so that you learn how to control your emotions and reactions.

Marie

May 11, 2020 at 3:03 pm

We dated for 2.5 years long distance but saw each other every other weekend. I have kids who he still talks to occasionally. We fought over the same issue for the last year repeatedly until he said he couldn’t take it anymore and we broke up. He said he needed space and time and that once the issue was resolved, he’d like to give us another go but for now we should both work on ourselves, separate. There was a lot of crying but no fighting and it went pretty well all things considered. That happened three months ago. We didn’t do full no contact and we have situations in which we can’t. But here’s the catch – I am killing any chancing of us getting back together. I would create space, and then if he gave me any attention, I jumped on it as an opportunity to talk about our future. Same thing was said… “down there road…..” then I let 4 weeks go by. We had a date night. I slept with him. Then we had the same conversation about getting back together with the same result, he pulled further away. You can see where this is going.
“This is where you start blowing up his phone and acting extremely insecure.

The end result is that he wants nothing to do with you.”
So what do I do if I’ve already done this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 19, 2020 at 6:02 pm

Hey Marie, you go into your NC now for 45 days and work on yourself and your Holy Trinity in that time. Then reach out and make sure that you are not intimate with him again unless you are in a relationship again

Scott

May 11, 2020 at 5:15 am

I’m a guy… but I find it very interesting what you said cause I just did that with my ex. We have one child together and we were together for 6 years . Off and on for the last 2 and now Completely broken up for the last couple months. We Havnt really hung out or anything romantic until last night… and we had sex… I’m the puller and she’s the pusher… I played it cool and got up after and just left and went home.. she seemed very confused!! Lol… what should I do now??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 12, 2020 at 3:42 pm

Hi Scott, if you want to get her back, then avoid sleeping together again but spending time with her and your son showing you want to be a family is going to improve your chances of getting back together.

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191 thoughts on “What To Do If You Had Sex With Your Ex?”