What To Do If You Had Sex With The Ex? Make Them Want You

192 thoughts on “What To Do If You Had Sex With Your Ex?”

Scott

May 11, 2020 at 5:15 am

I’m a guy… but I find it very interesting what you said cause I just did that with my ex. We have one child together and we were together for 6 years . Off and on for the last 2 and now Completely broken up for the last couple months. We Havnt really hung out or anything romantic until last night… and we had sex… I’m the puller and she’s the pusher… I played it cool and got up after and just left and went home.. she seemed very confused!! Lol… what should I do now??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 12, 2020 at 3:42 pm

Hi Scott, if you want to get her back, then avoid sleeping together again but spending time with her and your son showing you want to be a family is going to improve your chances of getting back together.

E

April 27, 2020 at 11:10 am

Hi there!

So my ex and I broke up officially a few days ago and we were an LDR for three months and never met fully in person but had plans to meet but the covid ruined everything. I’ve never had sex before (I’m 24) and I wanted my first time to be with him and if I want to move on it’s just my conscious saying he may return and one day we will meet and fulfill what I want. We would sext over FaceTime and text when we were together and I was comfortable with him. My mind just keeps telling me to go to him to figure things out and maybe find a way to try to get to my goal if he’s willing. Is this healthy? I’m trying to move on with someone else but whenever we get close to doing it I feel really guilty.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 5, 2020 at 10:10 pm

Hi E, so by the sounds of things you were not ready to move on yet – which is also possible that your current is a rebound. I would take some time for yourself to think about what you want for yourself. Even if you spend some time single and working on being happy alone before you start getting into a relationship with anyone else

Em

April 24, 2020 at 4:14 pm

I chatted with my ex 3 days ago and ended up having sex on chat. I know i was the one who iniate it out of whim but after that, he did not even reply to my last message. Can i still have a standing chance with him. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 24, 2020 at 8:11 pm

Hi Em, you still have a chance but you do need to stick to a NC and reach out to start building your connection starting with the texting phase and building you way up the value chain

A. G.

March 29, 2020 at 1:13 pm

Is gonna be long but if you can help me I’ll appreciate it very much. My ex and I broke up like 3 months ago. I was the one that did it although I regretted it but when I tried to get back together she didnt want to, i think she was too hurt that I broke up with her when we said we wouldnt ever do that instead we would work on things. The thing is after that she said she didnt want to be with anybody in an official relationship but that we were together. We were like together for a month or so but there were things that she used to do but didnt anymore. Little things that I missed but she said she just needed time. I felt that there was something more and one day I confronted her and asked her what was going on, she just said she didnt want to be with anybody and that she wanted to work on herself and that she didnt know what else she wanted. After that we stayed friends because we were really close friends before we got together so it just felt normal no be around but she kept doing things that made me feel we were a couple and I would feel good but when I remembered we werent I felt sad. So I did what I knew I had to do and started no contact. She contacted me and said she didnt want me to go away completely, that I was perfect for her but she just needed to work on so many things. I told her we could be friends if she stopped engaging in couple gestures and she said she would try if i stayed in her life. During the days we had no contact I was doing great and felt great about myself (the time we broke up and she didnt want to get back together a couple of months ago I was going thru a lot in my life so I did everything youre not suppose to do after a breakup, neediness, insecurity, beggin, etc) but when I remembered who I was and payed attention to my feelings it was easy to just go no contact. Right now we’ve been seeing each other as friends and nothing has happened but I know she loves me and I love her so much but I just feel like I’m falling in love again, the things that made me wanna break up with her are no longer there. I really wanna have a relationship with this person and I want to give her the space she needs to grow while I grow myself. But she keeps reaching out to me when she knows she has feelings for me. How is she expecting to work on herself while having constant contact with me. Im a very strong person so I can go complete no contact without any problem or I could keep being her friend. Because the thing that makes me feel bad about acting like a couple when we’re not is that I think by allowing her to do that I am shrinking my chances of getting back together in the future. This is difficult for me to decide because i know for sure this person loves me and does want to be with me but I want to do something that allows her to work on herself (she used to be very needy and she realized it) without killing the chance of getting back together in the future. I want to go no contact so she can have space and work on herself while I do the same but she keeps reaching out even tho she doesnt want to be my girlfriend now. We are both women and this is my first lesbian relationship because Im straight so thats kinda why im confused. If it was a guy I would know exactly what to do buy since we are both girls I dont know if that changes something.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 6, 2020 at 10:49 pm

Hey A.G The situation does not really change for same sex relationships, you need to follow the EBR program starting with NC and then working on your Holy Trinity. I do suggest that you do not behave as a couple while not in a relationship. This gives her security that you do not want her to have when you are not together.

Lily

March 29, 2020 at 8:36 am

Soooo…
My boyfriend finished with me a month ago. I tried to reach out to him a couple of times and failed to get any kind of conversation – he ignored me. After those two failures I decided to leave it. Yesterday I receive a message early hours of the morning from him. The conversation started in an argument, ended up in a phone call and you guessed it we ended up sleeping together.
I then left and went to work, an hour or so later I received a message from him to the effect of – did you get to work ok? We exchanged messages for about an hour – I sent the last message which was basically just me saying “can’t wait to go home, have a gin and go to bed!” – He read it and hasn’t replied. It’s only been 24 hours and don’t worry I have no intention of messaging him first. But would just like your opinion really on what is going on as I’m confused by his behaviour afterwards. The texting me straight after and then stopping has thrown me off! I’d like to get back together eventually but I know that this probably won’t happen.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 30, 2020 at 10:17 pm

Hi Lily, so this is tricky as you do not want to fall into a friends with benefits situation. If you want him back in a relationship then you need to keep yourself composed and act as if you are not bothered by him. Act indifferent to him not replying and just carry on with your life as you would, allowing him to chase you now, and of course do not sleep with him again until you are back in a relationship

Sarah

March 23, 2020 at 3:00 am

It’s been over a year since my ex and I have broken up (he broke up with me). I went no contact the day he dumped me and he’s tried to reach out to me numerous times throughout the year, and I have politely shut it down. A few days ago I decided to engage for the first time in over a year and he was flirting heavily with me. He has made it very clear he wants to see me and talk to me, but I am worried it is just to sleep with me. Do you think he would go to all this effort just for sex? My guard is up… so i guess you can say I’ve been “hard to get”… should I continue this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 10:52 pm

Hi Sarah, so if you want to get this ex back then you should be open to meeting and talking just make sure that you do not allow yourself to be put into a position where sex could happen. So meet him somewhere public, and make sure you do not go with him home etc. You have to show control in this situation

Unkown

March 16, 2020 at 10:14 pm

hi,
so basically I have been dating my bf for about 8 months and broke up in august as he was going on to university in another country. from august until today(march) he keeps on sending me small messages once in a while. whenever he comes back from university we always meet up and have sex. But this isn’t t want i want , i want to be in a committed relationship with him. what should i do? (keep in mind that long distance isn’t an option)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 17, 2020 at 10:50 pm

If he is in University where he is away during term time and you are not willing to do long distance then there is nothing I can advise here. It is a long distance relationship or you stop talking and sleeping with your ex and move on.

Lily

March 3, 2020 at 7:11 pm

I was seeing a guy for 9 months it was long distance and started off as nothing serious until he wanted me to go to his for a weekend and wanted to go on holiday! We eventually went on holiday abroad and not long after we came back I felt he was more distant. I started to look desperate and ask what the situation was. In the end I just gave up and haven’t seen him since until recently we slept together. He hasn’t messaged since n I didn’t bother messaging him because I don’t want to go back to begging. Do you think he will get in touch

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 10, 2020 at 11:06 pm

Hi Lily if you work the social media to show you are being ungettable then maybe your ex will reach out but oftentimes our exes need a push to communicate.

Jessica

February 21, 2020 at 6:41 pm

My ex made things official with we after 7 months of dating and within a couple weeks ghosted me for 5 months, then out of the blue he reached out to me last month, nonchalantly asking to meet up and hang out. It was the first opportunity I had to talk about what he did and how he made me feel but it was like he didn’t care and just kept on deflecting, then he started begging to make things right and “kiss and makeup”. I initially felt hurt and angered. Like how could you just abandon me and come back like nothing ever happened. I rejected his requests. Then 3 weeks later I got drunk and called him for sex, I went over his house and we had sex. During sex he asked me (several times) had I been sleeping with anyone else. He wouldn’t let up and I said “it’s none of your business but what do you think” When we finished he open his arms and asked me to lie down (like on his chest). I was disgusted, I immediately got up thanked him for the sex, He surprisingly asked me “wait, are you leaving”? I said “yes, it was a good last time to close the chapter with”, he then asked “last time?” I replied “yes last time, I missed you and I needed to get that out of my system” He got angry and started rushing me out the door which was odd because I was literally not upset or hostile toward him. I proceeded to get dress and leave, he called me 5 minutes later. I rejected it and blocked his number. I read this blog afterward and thought WOW I wasn’t being tactical or anything like that, I don’t want to be with someone like him. He’s dishonest and untrustworthy and I don’t love him anymore, that night was confirmation of that. I think I may have bruised his ego and he probably feels like he needs to get back at me. Am I maybe right?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 2, 2020 at 9:39 pm

Hi Jessica. If you have made him feel that it was easy for you to walk away from him then yes I think he has a bruised ego!

Mandy

January 31, 2020 at 10:53 pm

My high school boyfriend and I were dating for about a year when he left for the army and we broke up while being long distance. It was a magical relationship for me. 8 years goes by and he’s back home and keeps asking his friends about me and insisting to hang out. We hung out and I had just broke up with my current boyfriend days before and he initiated sexual activity but I denied due to feeling guilty about my ex boyfriend. We hung out again and had sex and then had sex one other time after that. When we started seeing each other he said that he didn’t want me to think anything serious was going to happen between us. He texts me about once a week to see how I’m doing and we see each other every weekend. I can’t help but have feelings for him because he was my first love and I never stopped thinking about him, even while in my other relationship. When we hang out he is always close to me and always making eye contact. Unfortunately, my feelings are coming back but he is very complicated and I don’t know where he stands.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 8:58 pm

Hey Mandy, so one thing you need to do if you have feelings for him. Stop sleeping with him NOW. And start pulling back. If he is not going to give you a relationship dont give him relationship benefits. He has told you nothing serious is going to happen so you pulling back with the intimacy is going to be your strength. Be less available to him

Mo

December 18, 2019 at 3:31 pm

My ex and I ended things about 90 days ago when I found out about another woman. I had major surgery this year, brought a home on my own, and graduated this year. Many ups and downs. I have been married for 30 years but in love with another man for 14 years. My spouse and I have a history of domestic violence and alot of cheating he did. Then my son was murdered and put more of a strain on the marriage. My now ex-lover lied and starting being distant. I asked him to help me out while I file for the divorce which was costly. I wanted to Marry him even though we had one situation of domestic issues and he is dealing with another woman but claims they aren’t in a relationship. We had sex last night and it was great but during I relations my mind kept wondering about him laying with her and my body just shut down. I have been separated from my spouse for seven years and we live in separate states. I brought a home without my spouse but I still allow the back and forth with my spouse. Have I lost my lover forever? I don’t want to be a chic on the side. I was transparent with him from day one so all the lies he told was very unnecessary. I haven’t been eating and was having melt downs daily. I have since sought out a counselor and working on all the issues I have inside. My lover has issues as well that he hasn’t truly dealt with. I am filing for Divorce in March if I have to take every dime I have but this doesn’t guarantee I will be with the love of my life. I am afraid after last night, he is regretting it and afraid he gave me false hope and he has strong feelings for this other woman. What do I do to get him back before he marries her?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 5:00 pm

Hey Mo, honestly it sounds like you need to focus only on your divorce from your ex husband and working on becoming stronger getting through what you have had to deal with so much negative, it may do you some good to be alone for some time. As for your ex lover and the other woman, you can not control what happens between them all you can do is work on yourself enough to show you are the better option of the two of you (look up the being there method on this website). You are so strong to come through losing your son that you do not need to feel that you NEED this man as much as you love him, if he is going to be with the other woman short term let that be so while you remove your ex husband from your life completely!

Victoria

November 8, 2019 at 12:57 am

I’ve been sleeping with my ex for 3 years now.
We met 15 years ago and it was crazy love and lust at first sight. A few months later he left to see his 1 year old daughter whom the mother took off with to Arizona. It broke my heart so much but I let him go. I’ve since had 1 relationship and he’s had several. We started seeing each other 3 summers ago and he had a gf and I had the same bf.
When he calls I run to him. Now his gf of 5 yrs broke up with him and I see him more and more and the sex is amazing. The best I’ve ever had. I still love him so much and I want sex with him every day. It gets better every time but I want more. I still live with the man I’ve been with but we are not a couple. I know move out!! It is complicated and working on it.
All I want is my ex. He sees other women and I hate it but I have no right to because he isn’t mine. I’m afraid if I tell him how I really feel , which I’m sure he already knows that the sex will end. He is only one that makes me feel amazing.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 8, 2019 at 8:55 pm

Hey Victoria, so the issue you have here is he is getting your love and sex from you and he doenst need to make a commitment, I suggest telling him now how you feel. While thing as positive. If he is not interested you need to stop the sex and focus on your life at the moment (move, end things healthily with the guy youre living with) And become the Ungettable girl. Then he will notice your worth and that will make him, hopefully, commit to you. But he is not going to give you what you want with out putting the work in and setting boundaries

Maia Gallardo

August 23, 2019 at 7:08 pm

What’s up The Ladies Man!

Super quick question and by the way, your articles run really long but hey, you come off as genuine and trustworthy so there’s that

QUESTION: Ok so my ex boyfriend dumped me and I implemented no contact. He reached out saying he missed me and I’m still his number one to which I didn’t respond. He then asked to see me for sex and I said hell no I’m not a booty call and maybe if
We went on a date. Of course he agreed and reassured me “He also wants to get reacquainted with the newer me and see me.” I also said that sex with me isn’t something to negotiate I respect myself now. I agreed stupidly, our sex is bonkers (yes I said that) it’s out of this World amazing. But I’m being used! How should I go about telling him I decided not to go back to his place after dinner once the date is over? The date is next week..

HEWLP!!!!!!
Sophie

August 15, 2019 at 7:32 am

Hey Chris,

So my ex broke up with me a few weeks ago, I did the stupid thing of saying I want it to work please don’t leave me I can’t live without you! Admittedly he has turned my life upside down as I have to move out lost my dog because I don’t want to keep seeing him and our dog was a puppy from his old dog!

He was alway so loving towards me but so childish he work so bloody hard I get that but never made time for me much which I suppose made me bitter!
His brother has always never liked me and I know this decision was not made on his own! So one night we was texting and then he sent a picture of myself in underwear from like 2 maybe 3 years ago… I am left confused so I just text back “she’s fit” and then we continued to sex text … we then had sex later on that week! He said I love you after when I went to leave so I said it back and then he kinda fobbed it off which makes me think it was just routine of saying it!

My ex boyfriend is so out of character but as times gone on I have accepted it slightly… still have heart ache but starting to except… I started swimming and also trying to set up my own business which I had to ask him about as I wanted to use his accountant and he wanted to know why! He did not seem happy for me or anything there’s just like no emotion to him! … so anyway we continued to text and he ask how I was and I was like busy starting this business and I’ve started swimming to get in shape! He answered you don’t need to get in shape!… it just the weirdest feeling I have because I’m in limbo! He is busy so he’s most likely not had to much reality to it yet ? I hope… but he also had text me saying he has the rest of my bits together but then made it into a sexing thing … it’s like he wants me but he doesn’t ? Or the fact his brother is making sure he bad mouths me so he is poisoned! We were a good couple and did both loose ourselves in the last year and I admit it was me to it’s not all on him which I have told him!

I just don’t know I mean I am happy to have sex with him because to be honest I am not ready to move on but some part of me wants him to just want me back to help me have closure! I think if we tried again it would work but at the same time I’m not sure! I love him to pieces and we had a good thing but this new side I’ve seen has scared me a little!

It’s like a switch has been turned off but there’s still a tiny flame in him!

I just don’t know how to approach this stubbornness I suppose! I mean if he wants to clear my stuff out the house and that but still wants me sexually… and he helped my parents move the other day which I knew nothing about and there he was and he was rude to me and distant ?

I feel like he’s just broken up with me and just feels free which I get because some part of me feels the same but I do love him and us together was good so it’s such a shame

Kind regards
Sophie
Abril

August 12, 2019 at 3:50 am

My ex came over and was honest about missing our sexual relationship! Well I miss it too but I am still in love with him!

He took me home we had sex and I didn’t even try cuddling. He asked my if we could maybe have lunch or dinner in the next few days! I felt it he was feeling guilty or afraid my feelings would be hurt so I just said, “sure sounds good” whatever is what was really running through my mind.

He texted me a few minutes after dropping me off and asked if I was ok! I waited and answered “doing good, big guy” and his friend was in from out of town and I said, “enjoy your friend!” He said thanks and then later on said have a good night! I didn’t answer and the next morning he texted me a good morning! I informed boy text and I have gone cold turkey!

He hasn’t texted me anymore and I wonder if he ever will after all he got what he wanted!
Missy

August 11, 2019 at 10:41 am

My situation is out in field. I hadn’t seen him or talked to my former boyfriend in 23 years. We share the love of music and I couldn’t find anyone to attend the concert with me, so I threw a Hail Mary pass and asked him to attend. He said yes. I invited him, so I’m paying for the tickets. Since that time, every other day he has sent a joke, short video or .gif. I’d make a comment on what he sent no reply from him. Two days later something else would would pop up. This went on for three weeks. Then there was a commit, I’m camping, come spend the day with me. I said no at first. I would get late start and wouldn’t have time to spend time with him catching up. He then proposed a schedule, I didn’t reply. The next morning he sent a photo of a beautiful sunrise and suggested I come down late and just stay the night.

It was like we never parted 23 three years ago. Our breakup, after dating for 5 years, wasn’t bad. We just drifted apart due to our careers. I didn’t want a relationship from him, I wanted an escort to a concert, but the texting started a flame. Like I said, it was like we were never apart and was all over each other within four hours, but he couldn’t keep an erection. No problem, we cuddled, slept, tried again, cuddled, slept, etc. He’ll be 60 next year.

The next morning was awkward. Did he want me to leave or was his lack of performance in the air? I was confused, got dressed and left. I wasn’t angry, but there was no goodbye kiss or hug, just a “I”l see you next weekend”. When I returned home there was a invite from another friend to travel to NYC to spend time with him (no attraction there, just friends). Yes sir I used the “check in” option on Facebook. When I got off the plane, there was a message, “are you going to be back for the concert”? Why was the text necessary? I just told him that morning, I’ll see you next weekend”.

How does a man feel if he can’t complete the deal? Part of the concept here is to evaluate “his” feeling after rushing into sex. While the majority of most posters are 25 to 40, there are a ton of us 50-somethings, coming out of marriages who are no less scared and want a relationship. Did I make myself nothing more than a booty call? Thank you.
Angie

July 19, 2019 at 3:18 am

My boyfriend off and on five years last week sent me a text telling me that it was over he said he didn’t love me and didn’t want to be with me he’d come by in March do you break up with me but we ended up having sex and kind of working it out this time he texted me and told me it’s over he said what are you going to do when I start dating basically he wanted to keep me as a friend. I think there is someone else he has been kind of distant for the last year he said he’s just giving up on trying he says he’s tried for the last year but not really we’ve only been on two dates the whole year I told him how I felt and the other day he came over and we had sex it was really amazing my fear is though I will never see him again after this he has made it very clear he does not love me or have any feelings for me anymore he says he feels no spark when he was with me what should I do please help
Sarah

July 10, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hi I loved your article I was with guy 7 yr ago anyways wrong time met someone else he did too we ended it on mutual ground to heavy to young his career and mind got in way anyways we kept in touch so recently things kinda changed so found myself back in familiar area haven’t done deed as such right now i’m really not interested in relationship with him as such just bit unfinished business but am going try out your theory thanks your article was to the point
Ruth olivia

June 21, 2019 at 7:18 am

My ex was break up on april and i was the one who ended this relationship because he was toxic and abuse my feeling a lot, but we were still meeting out breakup then i decided to do No Contact rule on 21 may. And i did for 4week Nc and he started to find me back. And i broke it again by meeting him and we sleep together. And now i am confuse what to do next. Please tell me what to do next . 🙁
Heather

June 12, 2019 at 3:04 pm

I had sex with my ex who cheated. I was cool about it at first then later i called him and told him we couldnt do that anymore. I was crying because he is still messing with this other girl. We still have feelings for eachother and apparently he is leaving me for her but doesn’t necessarily know what and who to choose. I feel like i made myself look really bad doing that. We were facetiming later in the night having a good convo and things were then getting a little playfully sexual again. I texted him this morning and let him know I appreciated him letting me vent and for him to take his time to decide before actually filing. I am giving him his space. He replied positively to my text this morning. Where should i go from here? Im feeling very confused and insecure right now.

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192 thoughts on “What To Do If You Had Sex With Your Ex?”