What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Renee Johnson

May 6, 2016 at 3:16 am

My boyfriend and I were together for almost 4 years. He was stationed with the military in my city with me for almost 3 years and then he was restationed to Florida. So the relationship became long distance. We broke up 11/2015. So about 6 months ago. I did no contact on him for almost 3 months and he never contacted me during the 3 month period. He is stubborn. I contacted him first. When we talked I asked him if we had a future. He told me he did not know, that we are both stubborn. He also told me he did not think he could ever give me what I need. He didn’t elaborate on what he meant although I asked. He told me I knew what I needed. I accepted that. We went on to not really have regular contact for another month and I tried once more to fix things. He told me he didn’t want the responsibility of a relationship and he said he want us to be friends though. However, he has mentioned on at least 3 occasions that he want me to come see him. The first time he mentioned. I told him we are not together and it would not be anything sexual if I did come visit. He said “nobody said it was going to be.” I’m confused as to why he would want to see me if he has said these things to me. I really don’t know what to do. Im still in love with him, but I value my self respect also and refuse to be a doormat. I don’t know if I should just move on for good or if I should go visit and see if things rekindle. I definitely will not be intimate with him as long as we are not together. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 10:19 am

Hi Renee,

if you’re still speaking.. since he knows you still want to try..either he’s friendzoning you or you’re right that he would want to be intimate with you.. but it can also be that he’s just stubborn and he doesn’t want to admit he has feelings…but again… he’s clear that he doesn’t want commitments, so even if he does have feelings, it will lean more on to becoming friends with benefits if you’re not careful..

so, right now.. either you continue to build rapport and attraction but just be sure you’re not sexual when you meet up be and do some jealousy moves too.. I don’t know how it works in military but can you still update your social media posts and check others?

that way, it can increase attraction and make him think you’re not waiting if he’s not committing

or move on

Rene D'souza

May 4, 2016 at 2:41 pm

Thanks Amor for the reply.
I mentioned that I still haven’t broken up with him is because we did meet recently as girl friend and boyfriend.
It so happened that before the meeting we discussed about my insecurities. He was of the opinion that his proximity with the other girl bothers me. But nothings changed between us. Also he kept on saying that he never committed to me right from the start but this might end (not sure) eventually because of family issues. That time in future we can be friends and for now nothings changed is what he said and left it to me to decide whether we should continue or stop and I agreed to continue.
We spent a few nice hours together when we met this but he just happen to mention that he should be with someone else to know my worth. Moreover he kept on saying that we should keep some distance so that the emotional attachment from my side decreases and too much of attachment is not good for me in the long run.

And he spending time with the other girl and still having me by his side is bothering. I dont know what should i do and what should i say as everything seems to be so blurr and unclear and unsure. Should i be with him for next 6months and be that girl for whom he can fight for and crave for or just be impulsive and say that i need commitment now only. Please advice how should i proceed.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 7, 2016 at 11:04 am

actually it’s already coming from him that you should do nc and put yourself first instead of focusing on him and letting yourself be the other girl..

Rene D'souza

May 3, 2016 at 11:57 am

Yes I have started giving him space. I have stopped calling and messaging myself, instead I get calls from him everyday to which I talk normally. But the growing friendship with the other girl and the ongoing parties and hanging out at odd timings with her though in groups bothers me. Moreover I just want that female to know by chance, that we are together.
When I say that I am also planning a get away for few days then the immediate response I get is with whom. How do I myself not become insecure and instead start with the chase game and be a mental challenge to him, as, if I am not wrong then men need that mental challenge. Please advice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2016 at 11:57 am

you really need to talk now.. because it’s like you’re broken up but you’re the only one who thinks you’re not.. either try to work on the relationship or really stop being friends with him.. yes you stopped initiating talking to him.. but answering his calls makes everything just the same.. it will not help you coz you’re like friendzoned.. instead of minding other people in his life, which you can’t control.. focus on what you can control.. You’re feelings, your looks, your time. You have to decide because you can sound like a nagging gf or a woman with standards.. you really have to risk losing him, because even if you don’t, it’s already happening..

Rene D'souza

May 1, 2016 at 1:33 am

I haven’t yet broken up with my boyfriend as he still has not given me enough ground to do that, hence not yet started with the no contact rule.
But he has a new group of friends/colleagues which also includes the girl with whom my boyfriend has developed some kind of liking. It makes me feel insecure. I feel as if i am the backup option where he is trying his luck with that girl and at the same time does not want to lose me as well as if nothing is gained over there then he atleast has me besides him.
He says he should be with someone else to know my worth. Its like as if he is saying I want to try someone else to know your value and he is asking permission from me for that so that he is never termed as a cheater. How complicated!
So what should I do? It feels like he wants to move out and try and be with the other girl but also wants to keep me as a backup option.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm

try to start to giving him space now by being busy with your own life and starting to do new activities..

serahmichiro

April 29, 2016 at 10:57 pm

broke up with my boyfriend because of him not seeing am worth it.He used to study and work and forget I exsited.This hurt me so much.when I told him he would become angry.This made me angry to because I felt belittled.One day he broke up with me and said he wanted personal space.In fear of loosing him I constantly texted and went to their home.we came back together but he still distant himself from me and worse.feeling rejected told his two sisters about it.a problem shared is half solved but didnt know it would worsen up.life continued and one day I was tired and with pain,confusion and rejection I broke up with him.I felt free but the next day I wished I hadn’t and i wen back crying and saying sorry.He forgave me but said we just be friends.i dont want to be friends just.He doesnt love me anymore and he kind of like despise me.What can I do to gain his trust,loyalty and luv.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 12:11 pm

Hi Sera michiro,

do nc first..if he’s constantly ignoring you, then you did the right move because if you stayed, it wouldn’t change anything.. start to focis on yourself during nc and work on having your own life and a new routine so you would be more confident and be more emotionally more stable

Rene D'souza

April 25, 2016 at 10:57 pm

Edit –
As we do share a professional relationship as well should it be a good thing of agreeing to just a professional relationship rather than agreeing to being friends. Should i go ahead and say that ” i cant negate my feelings from being in a relationship to being just friends? So i disapprove the offer of being just friends and instead i dont mind continuing the professional relationship.”

Also should care and concern be shown during the no contact rule. Will behaving like i dont give a damn and dont care for you at all will leave an impression that I am egoistic mean and the care i used to show previously was fake to my ex boyfriend?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 5:45 am

Hi Rene,

yes tell him you can’t be friends and then proceed to nc.. You don’t have to be rude.. Just don’t be entertaining or engaging.. if he approaches you, answer politely direct and excuse yourself if possiblee.. and be very proactive in have a new routine, new activities and improving yourself.

Rene D'souza

April 25, 2016 at 3:52 pm

I am in a relationship with a guy for more than 3yrs. Lately he has started feeling we cannot have a future together as I am not single as I have a kid from first marriage and there will be a strong resistance from people who are his family. So he wants to be friends with me in future when he decides to stop sometime in future. So he wants me to be prepared for that day when he decides to call off. For this I said lets start from today of practicing of just being friends. But having said that how can I follow the no contact rule. I want him to find me worth fighting for against all odds.
Kelsey

April 13, 2016 at 9:09 pm

Hi! My ex broke up with my about two months ago. We had been talking afterwards because he wanted to be friends but I still had feelings for him so I started NC almost a month ago. The breakup was because of his school, he’s very stressed a lot of the time and said he felt guilty for not spending time with me. But we were together 5 years, this seems like a very stupid reason! And after the break up he admitted to a mutual friend that he is spending all of his time with friends and not taking the time alone to come to terms with the break up. I don’t know what to do because I don’t even know if anything will work at this point, especially if he’s denying himself the time to process the fact that we’re not together 🙁

Kelsey

April 17, 2016 at 9:19 pm

Yes I have. Before you replied, I ended up texting him. A mutual friend told me he saw it but “isn’t ready” to talk to me yet because it’s still “too hard for him”. I don’t know what this means. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 1:52 pm

that means he’s not ready to talk yet or the topic is not that friendly for him
May

April 15, 2016 at 11:05 pm

Omg!!!

I had the same thing happen to me!
My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me last month! We got together when he was graduating from university and he wanted to take a break before looking into a job in his field. He sporadically searched for jobs eventually, but he didn’t seriously search. Then began working on a website to show on job interviews and well in the 2-3 weeks before he broke up with me our relationship was a little strained because he spent so much time working on it. One day he basically ignored me the entire day and worked on his computer (I lived at his place). We NEVER had issues before. I wasn’t expecting him to ignore me the whole entire day, so I got upset with him at night. He comforted me and told me how important it is for him to finish because he really wants to have a job in his field. Days went by and he continued working on it like crazy and rarely spent time with me, but I didn’t complain. He became very cold and distant towards me though, and then broke up with me. He told me this past year he has done nothing with his life (geez thanks!) and needs to be alone and start fresh and get his life into gear. ind a job and work out. I begged him because he can do all those things with me still by his side! But he wanted none of it. Then said there was also something missing between us. No more spark. I told him it’s because he has been so busy and we rarely spend any time just us two. Anyways that was 3 weeks ago, and he hasn’t really jump started his life. He is hanging out with his friends constantly (he used to hang out with them max once a week when he was with me. Even though I never stopped him from seeing them). So I also don’t know if he is processing the break up or even misses me. I still want him back though 🙁 So I will try to contact him after NC period.
Kelsey

April 14, 2016 at 8:14 pm

What do you mean by being active during?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 17, 2016 at 2:33 pm

sorry it’s incomplete.. active during nc..go out, improve yourself, have a makeover, go out with friends, do the things you used to put off, have fun and be active in posting those activities.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 9:05 am

Hi Kelsey

firstly have you been active during..if he saw your post, woulf he think you’re moving on?

Anon

April 11, 2016 at 7:51 am

Hi. I need some advice about my situation. I’m not exactly dealing with an ex boyfriend. We met a few months ago, flirted with each other, and then sort of became FWB (terrible idea, I know…) At the time he was just a crush, but of course I developed feelings for him. He kept saying he liked me but wasn’t in love with me and eventually I decided to stop having sex with him. He was okay with it and said that what he values the most is our friendship. He’s tried to initiate sex a couple times after that but I stopped him and made it clear I wouldn’t do it unless he has feelings for me. Now he just treats me like a friend and I have the feeling that he kinda takes me for granted because I keep doing things for him and never ask him for anything. Now, I want to do the NCR but I don’t know how long it should be in my case. I thought of telling him I have feelings for him and I need space. Is it okay to tell him in advance I won’t be responding to his messages or should I simply ignore them if I receive them? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:07 pm

Hi Anon,

I’m pretty sure he knows you have feelings with him and for me you should move on because h
if he really loves you, he would do it the right way.. right now it looks like he’s just using you

Courtney

April 10, 2016 at 3:56 pm

Hello, I’ll try to make this brief but bare with me as I am going crazy over here. My ex and I dated close to 10 months. The first few months were really great and then he betrayed my trust siginificantly (not by cheating with anyone but rather lying to me about some stuff). This in turn made me a very jealous and insecure girlfriend. The rest of our relationship resulted in several fights of me questioning his intentions and needing a constant reassurance from him that he wanted to be with me. We had a big fight that resulted in him breaking up with me about a month ago. I was devastated. I didn’t speak to him and he didnt speak to me for about 2 weeks. Me not speaking to him was because he said he wanted time and space from he relationship to see if this was what he wanted. during the break up he said very mixed things that would make me think it was just a break and also things that made it sound like forever. After 2 weeks I wrote him a later (face palm Chris I know. I read your book). However the letter wasn’t a desperate I want you back type letter it was more of a I’m sorry that I acted the way I did type letter and that I do understand that you need time apart and even though I miss him very much I’m willing to give him time. He actually responded to my letter with another letter saying that he was sorry for everything he had done too and that he did see why I was so insecure in the relationship and that it wasn’t unjustified. He also said in the letter that he does miss me and think about me all the time but he still wants some time to figure out what he wants. But he still wants to be friends. After I got the letter I ended up texting him. After that for about a week or so he would text me every single day and it would always be extremely flirty. If I quit responding he would text me again. I tried to get some things back from him (stuff I needed for school) and he said he would mail them but didn’t. Rather he scanned my notes into a computer and emailed them to me. I offered to mail him some of his clothes back but he said I didn’t need to and that he’d just come get them some time. After all that I was sure he was at least wanting to attempt to work things out, but when I asked if he would be willing to meet with me and talk he flat out ignored me. The next day he texted me asking if I was upset. We had a little bit of an argument (not a bad one as I really did my best to stay calm and not just freak out on him) and we ended up establishing that he still didn’t know what he wanted and that he thought we had already established that we were just friends for the time being. Sorry but I don’t text my friends the way he had been texting me that entire week and a half prior. Since then he has tried to talk to me a few times in which I have been pretty short with him. He’s still a little flirty and looks for reasons to talk to me. I haven’t spoken to him in 4 days and he hasn’t tried to talk to me in this time frame either. My question is should I really do the NC rule? It’s already been a month and I feel like things have already gotten confusing. And why is he flirting with me and stuff but refusing to see me or wanting to talk about the relationship? I’m just really confused and don’t know what he wants from me at this point.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 10:19 am

Hi Courtney,

Maybe because he still has feelings for you but he doesn’t want to go back because he doesn’t want to go back to the way things are like before. While you’re doing nc, be active don’t just not contact him. Let him think, because you already relayed what you really feel. He has to realize that sending mixed signals is not good

Au

April 6, 2016 at 4:02 am

Hello,
I want to ask your opinion because Im not sure if this is a good way to say it to my ex.

If my ex boyfriend didn’t contact me during the NC and I start the conversation by “I have something to tell you that I’ve never told you before…”
And he reply me with “What is it?”
And I reply him “I finally bought a new jeans that we’ve talked about months ago! Haha.”

Because he knows that I need new pants and he knows that the pants are expensive and months later,I can finally afford it.

Is it a good thing to reply like that to him after he say “what is it?” ?

Au

April 9, 2016 at 9:30 am

Thank you ! 🙂
Au

April 8, 2016 at 3:55 pm

My ex wants to be bestfriends with me.

The only reason we break up was because he want to stop touching me. He values my purity.

He still love and care for me.

Which article in this website can help me with my problem? or do I still have a chance to be together with him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 8:37 am

oh.. if that’s the case then just limit being alone together.. you can try to be just friends..actually that’s good that he respects you.. you can go out as friends.. in the right time, you can get back with each other
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 11:34 am

hmmm, that can be a reason too..woth the text, you can try to rephrase the text with

you’ll never guess what I just did/bought

Maxime

March 30, 2016 at 9:37 pm

Hello ! I’ve been reading all the pages but I have a different kind of situation. My girlfriend broke up with me 5 months ago because she wasn’t sure about our relationship anymore. In the begining of the break up we argued all the time so after a few months we did a few weeks of no contact but I couldn’t resist it to text her after 20 days of not hearing her. It is difficult to have a no contact rule because we have the same friends and hobby’s.. Now we’re best friends, but I’m still madly in love with her. Since a few weeks a don’t text her anymore and I let her text to me. But she only text me when she needs me. I don’t know anymore what I have to do to recandle our relationship. I’m thinking to say that it’s best that I can’t see her anymore because my heart is broken. But I don’t now if it’s the right thing to do because I can’t live without her, she is the person I tell everyhing to, or I go to if I have a problem. Someone who’s got good advice for me to help winning my girlfriend back ? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 9:17 am

Hi Maxime,

You have to start to build a new life apart from her to gain balance and also to have to have to attract her back. Do that first before trying again. Go out, improve yourself, meet yourself and date too.

Deb

March 28, 2016 at 3:43 am

My ex-boyfriend and I (both 22 y/o) have been together in a LDR at different colleges for about 3 years in Washington and Oregon with visits at least once or twice a month. However, he broke up with me because he’s moving to Virginia to start his new job. He said that long distance for an additional 2 years would be too hard to do, that we would hold each other back in the future professionally, and that we couldn’t be sure of if we were meant to be together because we were each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend and haven’t dated other people. We have always considered each other to be our best friend. I do believe that it’s just that our timing is off and that if we could skip 2 years of long distance that we’d be happy together. He expressed wanting to stay friends but felt that us remaining together at this professionally-important period would be a mistake. If I want us to have a chance to be together in the future, should I cut off all contact or initiate a friendship after the no contact period? When I return his items, should I write a note expressing how I want an option for us to get back together to be on the table? Thank you so much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:08 am

Hi Deb,
sorry for the late reply. Don’t delete the picture. It would really be hard with ldr. You have to have time, money and a plan for it to work. If you’re going to try nc, you should start being friendly after but don’t mention about the option of getting back together. YOu would appear to be waiting and chasing.

claries

March 27, 2016 at 7:22 am

Good day. my 4 and half year long relationship ended 3 days ago. we have been living together for 2 and a half years now. i was give a month to move out and was told that he would rather want to be friends. since that conversation happend we have been talking non stop, but it is confusing me even more by the fact that i am falling in love even more and he is just being nice as a friend. i still sleep next to him and haven’t moved to the spare room. we talk till 3 in the mornings. how do i get out of the friend zone as he is straight honest that he want to be my best friend only …

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 3:34 am

Hi Claries,

Try to distance youself. DO no contact and build your own life to give you chance that he may see you in a new light.

Lorena

March 18, 2016 at 5:55 pm

Hi! So I have read through these pages and I feel as though my situation deviates slightly from the examples given. My boyfriend [32/m] and I [25/f] dated for just over 2 years. We seemed to have hit a wall in our progress and I moved out/ended things on January 29th because I was worried he was not looking at me as a longer term partner. After the breakup, we still talked and saw each other regularly in a platonic setting… basically on a weekly basis. We share a lot of hobbies/interests, and still consider each other to be best friends. The more we hung out, the more I felt like things would be salvageable with some work. I put out the olive branch on 3 separate occasions that I am open and wanting to start SLOWLY trying to work on us. He said he was still confused and wanted to keep being friends to “see what happens.” After trying that for 5 weeks, this past Saturday I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. It was too painful to be friends, and if he didn’t want to put in the effort to save us, I needed to take a break from him to move on. He cried and said he understood it was unfair to me, but he didn’t want to not have me in his life. He asked for a timeframe, but I didn’t give him one. I told him he was trying to keep all of the positive parts of our relationship without facing the challenges. He grudgingly agreed and said he thought he would want to reach out to me “in a week, in case he had changed his mind.” I told him I would not wait around for him. We hugged/cried and kissed (for the first time since the break up) and I left without a word. We haven’t talked since (it is Day 6) and I am starting to feel restless about it. If he doesn’t contact me within the 30 days, should I try again to reconcile? If he does reach out, should I still hold out the entire 30 days?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 4:04 pm

Hi Lorena,

it’s ok to initiate after 30 days but if he truly wants to work things out hear him out.. Don’t respond if it’s just a hi or how are you.. he has to really say that he wants to work it out

Shai

March 18, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hello! So I’m 18 and I’ve just come out of a very short LDR. It will sound stupid but me and my ex are the same age, and were together for a month. Despite the short time period I developed feelings for him very quickly – which I don’t normally do – and quite a lot of the relationship was rushed on his part.
I accepted a place at a university in a different city and through Facebook was able to find my roommates for the coming September. One of them was a guy who messaged me and I instantly got on with him very well. Things moved very fast and although he was lovely in the beginning (we spoke constantly, he told me that he really liked me and we would Skype all the time) it became apparent that he had awful mood swings which he did to be fair warn me of – he could go from wanting to Skype me for five hours to not wanting to speak at all. He gets irrationally stressed over his personal issues and college. He may also have a split personality disorder too. This continued for a while and although there were good points, we continued to fight over silly things as we both suffer from paranoia and anxiety, him more so than me. Last weekend I travelled up to see him and we met up in the city we’re going to university together, and although it was nice at first he was very uncomfortable about public displays of affection and being emotional and physically close. He came off as being quite cold and quiet, and although I understood partly due to some of his past that he had explained to me, it hurt me. We didn’t do anything other than kiss. That evening we had an argument and he told me it wouldn’t work – that I had committed too quickly and that I was far too emotional for somebody like him. That we were not compatible. That he didn’t want a relationship with anyone but one like this would be hard but he wanted to try. I was upset and tried to change his mind by telling him I could change but he wouldn’t budge – he hasn’t fully discussed his issues with me, but he wanted to stay friends. I came back to my home town and struggled with this – we argued a lot because I was unable to accept that the relationship had ended and kept asking him to try again, not understanding how he could switch off the feelings he had for me so quickly (even though they also developed quickly too) and try to be friends. In the end this frustrated me. He has decided to move to a different apartment on his own at university so living together will no longer be an issue. I told him I needed space, all the while him saying he never wanted to get back with me as “we don’t work” and it’s “friends or nothing” He took this quite seriously and although I only was thinking of a week or so of space, he suggested about 1-2 months. I didn’t think I would be able to stay away from him and so I decided to block him on social networking. However this plan broke down after a few hours and I told him it wasn’t what I wanted. He disagreed however and I asked him to block me as this would be the easiest thing for me, not being able to message him on Facebook. We also deleted/blocked each other off other social networking sites such as Snapchat and Instagram. However, although I have deleted his number I haven’t blocked it. He did block me on everything else, but the next day texted me asking if I was angry with him and if our plan was mutual. I replied no to the first and yes to the second, then ignored his next message that said “sorry I’ll go now”. I’ve been really struggling and very up and down because of depression and anxiety so I was ranting to our mutual friend who sent my ex boyfriend screenshots of our conversation and said that she was worried about me. After which he sent me quite a harsh message saying it was over and that I needed to get over him, I was making this too hard and that nothing would ever happen, that he would struggle to be friends with me if this continued. He called me pretty much straight away afterwards and then apologised for what he said. It was fine talking to him but he is still standing firm on getting over me and never getting back together. I’m currently on my 2nd day of no contact as he broke in the first day and I replied. We have arranged to meet up as friends in May hopefully as I will be in his city for a concert. Everybody including him has told me this won’t work especially due to both of our mental health issues (more to do with his) but despite the time frame I have deep feelings for this guy and don’t want to give up on him or lose this.
Thanks for reading and sorry for the long message, I hope you can help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 1:46 pm

Hi Shai,

You know in a way that’s good.. you’ll have 2 months to yourself.. Use that for yourself because the truth is anything that was rushed will end quickly.. Be happy that there’s still a chance for you to be friends..take your time and focus on emotional growth before entering in a relationship again

Ammie

March 17, 2016 at 8:58 pm

Ok, so my situation is a little unique and I am not sure if this is the right approach for me or not. I will explain my situation and maybe you might have a suggestion or two for me.
I am a 38 year old woman who just recently got in contact with an ex 27 years later. I never forgot him. The way we were reunited makes it seem that something was pushing us to meet again. I have always thought we were meant to be. I have always looked in other relationships for what we had in ours. No one has ever treated me the way that he did. We have hung out 4 times since we reunited. Plus we text pretty much every day. When we have been together it’s like those 27 years never passed. I feel completely comfortable with him and he says the same about me. We touch whether it be hands, arms, a hand on the leg, he has played with my hair and given me a back rub and I have him. He has said that I am still as sweet as I was back then. The other night I felt I really needed to tell him how I felt that for me as soon as I saw him again all those feelings came flooding back and I never stopped loving him. He said he wasn’t in a good place right now he feels lost and he needs to know which direction he wants his life to go in. Though we have talked about going to Vegas together and doing things together. He has also said he went to a psychic and everything she said has come true so far and that the psychic had said he would marry someone that he knew a long time ago and here I am ….and he has said many times “what if you are the one I am supposed to marry” Well after I told him how I truly felt he has backed off. We talked pretty much all day yesterday but today he has only said one thing to me which Is unusual since we have reunited. Maybe it just isn’t meant to be! I just can’t believe that the way he came back wasn’t for some reason and all the feelings and what has been said so far that it could possibly be for nothing. Or rather just to open an old wound for me just to have it reinjured and hurt even worse.
So should I message him or just leave him be since he doesn’t want anything at the moment? I really don’t want to lose him again before anything even happens or we even give it a shot. Please help!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 7:38 am

Hi Ammie,

hmmm.. maybe he realized everything was going too fast when you confessed..just let him be for now

Annie

March 12, 2016 at 9:56 pm

Hello,
My boyfriend broke of a year and a half up with me a week ago. I was his first girlfriend and first everything. He told me that at times he felt unhappy in our relationship and that he wanted to break up and started crying (he never cries). He said that I’m very critical of myself and just negative in general and in part it made him feel this way. He also said he couldn’t be 100% invested in our relationship as he was before. He’s in law school and he said school is a big reason too. He said he also noticed that I would be more excited to see him and although he loved doing things with me, he wasn’t as excited to see me as he was in the past and thinks there something wrong with that. He told me that breaking up with me wasn’t easy and that he still loved me as a friend but that he just didn’t love me that way anymore and hopes that we can be friends because he truly values my friendship. I still love him very much and I would do anything to have him back. I know this isn’t going to happen overnight but is there any chance that I could get out of this dreaded friend zone and that he could fall back in love with me?

p.s fun fact: I actually friend zoned him for a few months before we started dating!

Annie

March 13, 2016 at 3:56 pm

Well after he told me he had feelings for me and I told him I didn’t and just wanted to be friends, he accepted. We continued talking every day, we’d meet up at school frequently. Until after a few months I started seeing him differently.

And yes, I last talked to him on Friday so I’m currently on day 2. I really want him to feel like he did when we first got together. Will this work?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2016 at 3:20 pm

I can’t assure you that it will work 100% but it will help to get a break and make him miss you.. and to make yourself or keep yourself interesting for him..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2016 at 6:53 am

Hi Annie,

so how did he manged to get out of the friendzone? Do you want to do no contact?

Mandy

March 9, 2016 at 4:32 pm

Hi my ex and i have started talking again and he has now randomly gone cold and said that the conversation doesn’t engage him and he finds it boring. How can I keep the conversation engaging without talking about the past.

Mandy

March 9, 2016 at 10:46 pm

He seems very confused in what he wants and seems as if its always on his terms if he wants to talk about the past it is ok. How can I take more control of the situation? Should I do the no contact rule as we haven’t actually done this yet
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2016 at 11:03 pm

yeah, if you’re not communicating well with each other, it’s better to take a break from each other
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 8:51 pm

Hi Mandy,
you have to keep in mind what he’s interests and you have to end the convo.. and end in high note

Cory

March 8, 2016 at 5:47 pm

Edit To First Post:
I don’t know where to start with the No Contact. My daughter dad and I have not been involved since I got pregnant with our child. He got in to a relationship and I started dealing with someone(but I had more of a fling;rebound). Our child is now 1yrs old and I had stop talking to him and answering his calls unless it was related to our child until one day I sent him a meme that he liked and we’ve been talking on the phone every since(going on 2 weeks now). The problem is that he expressed that he just went through a breakup because his girlfriend cheated( after he told me in the pass that they was not serious). We talked about it and he wanted to come over to my place. I expressed that I haven’t been talking or involved with anyone for a while and I don’t want to be intimate with him because I still have unresolved feelings for him…. Well he end up coming over and he spent the night(we had intercourse). He spent the night a couple more times that week (but we didn’t have intercourse the other two times) until we mutually agreed that he shouldn’t come over becauseI still have feelings for him. I had planned to stop talking to him because he wants to be friends. We do have a child together but I want more. I still have very deep feelings and I made that known but I don’t know if I messed up by being too open about my feelings towards him. He calls me EVERY DAY and we spend hours on the phone. He said that he is done with his ex girl friend but he still have feelings that he’s dealing with. He’s said that he’s not using me as a rebound but he want us to be friends. I don’t know what to do at this point. Is there a chance for me to mend our relationship because he’s trying to be friends? I still love him and want us to be a family. What should I do at this point? Also I want to add that I have been very open with him and I fear that I’ve let him in on too much about my life and past relationships. I hope that didn’t interfere with us ever getting back together. Please give me some insight on what are my options at this point.

Cory

March 11, 2016 at 7:49 pm

Ok, thanks for the insight. I’ve started the nc but I’ve prepared myself for either outcome. I hope I can get him back but if not…. I am preparing myself to move on from him permanently.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 4:53 pm

Hi Cory,

Though I can’t assure you that you’ll get him back 100%, I think you can try to do no contact even though you have been open to him about your feelings. I think it can work for you once you do no contact, as long as you do it like you were moving on.. As long as he sees you’re not like before, there’s a chance that he will miss you and be attracted to you once you improve overall and be an ungettable girl..
because you have daugther, that means you have to do limited no contact.. you only see each other for her.. You don’t initiate contact, no small talk, no talking about feelings and relationships.. when he initiates, just answer directly politely then excuse yourself.

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