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Cory
March 8, 2016 at 5:11 pm
I don’t know where to start in with the NC. My daughter dad haven’t been involved since I got pregnant with our child. He got in to a relationship and I started dealing with someone but it wasn’t serious for me. Our child is now 1yrs old and I stopped talking to him and answering his calls unless it was related to our child until one day I sent him a meme that he liked and we’ve been talking on the phone every since. The problem is that he expressed that he just went through a breakup because the girl cheated. We talked about it and he wanted to come over to my place. I expressed that I haven’t been talking or involved witj anyone for a while and I don’t want to be intimate with him because I still have unresolved feelings for him…. Well he came over. He camr over a few times that week until we mutually agreed that he shouldn’t being that I still have feelings for him. I had planned to stop talking to him because he wants to be friends. We do have a child together but I want more like I still have deep feelings and I made that known but I don’t know if I messed up by be vulnerable with my feelings towards him. He call me EVERY DAY and we spend hours on the phone. He said that he done with his ex girl friend but he still have feelings that he’s dealing with. He’s said he not using me as a rebound but I don’t know what to do at this point, like is there a chance for me to mend our relationship because he’s trying to be friends and I still love him and want us to be a family. What should I do at this point? Also I want to add that I have been very open with him and I fear that I’ve let him in on too much about my life and past relationships. I hope that didn’t interfered with us working things out. Please give me some insight on what are my options at this point.
Latoya
March 5, 2016 at 1:53 am
P.S.
I moderated my earlier post to leave out some identifying details.. please post this one instead
My ex and i started basically with him pursuing me for over a year however because of my station in life career wise and his i did not think we would be a good match. He kind of wore me down and we decided to start something that was mainly chilling and having sex with each other only. I must point out that he is very popular and was playing the field and i told him that the only way i would agree to anything with him is if he can commit to sex with me only.. he agreed after a week. after three months of doing this and getting closer he asked me to be his gf.. i was happy because i felt that we were already there.. i moved out of the city and he helped me get everything together.. then one weekend while i was at his house he told me he couldnt do it anymore.. he felt like he was going to cheat and he doesn’t think the relationship life was for him but he loved me and bla bla bla. (he told me the relationship life was not for him before we started off casual). I was heartbroken and tried for a week to make it work but he kept on pushing back saying the same thing and that he didnt want a relationship, he said he tried because he loved me but he cant do it anymore.
I told him okay and did the no contact rule for a month.. he messaged me every day for a month with ” i miss you”, “i love you” “you’re such a good girl and i messed up”. After a month i finally responded to a message with ” do you remember …”.. we started conversations, he saw me and i ensured i look great.. but now we’re at that friends section where he still insists he doesn’t want a relationship but he still loves me etc.. he still messages daily, he offers his home for me to stay when in the city but he doesn’t want a commitment.
I really want us back together.. but i think it’s a lost cause..
He drunk texts me everytime, sends me songs about us etc.. and when i confront him he says regardless of him not wanting a relationship it’s how he feels about me.
Help.. should i go through a next session of no contact? or is this a lost cause.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 10:23 am
for me, if his firm he doesn’t want to commit, then you have to move on
jen
March 2, 2016 at 1:33 pm
Hey I need help its been 22days since the breakup I went striaght away to no contact, 9day he msg me hey did not respond to his msg 15 days he sends me another text sayin that he wanted his folder back n if I found it ,so I responded not striaght away that sorry couldnt find it which is true I couldnt find it didnt say anything else than he asked bout our daughter which I onli replied his question later at 12 that night he mesg me how are you doing? Didn’t reply than a few days passed he msg me again about the kids I only replied to that and than he asked me So what are you doing this week? Which I didn’t reply to and the next he mesg me late night I want to be able to talk you stilll to be friends I know im not gonna fall for that trap just need advice what should I do im still in nc n not planning to wreck it im on 22 days atm please help advice kind regards jen.
jen
March 3, 2016 at 11:53 pm
Yes I have been very active going to the gym hanging out with my friends and doing something every weekend barely been staying at home but doing all the stuff that I enjoy doing and its made me happy.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 7:08 am
that’s good.. just keep that up during and after nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 5:02 pm
Hi Jen,
be firm on not replying.. and just maintain on replying only if it’s about the kids…other than this, are you beung active for yourself?
Stefanie
February 27, 2016 at 11:37 pm
Hi,
It’s been about 6 months since the break up and about 4-5 months of limbo with my ex. We have never told each other we are just friends, but in the 10x we have meet up he has not made a move or anything more than a hug. We were never friends before we dated. Our reason for the break up wasn’t that our feelings had changed but because we were arguing a lot. Could he be over me but still texting me all the time?
I’m assuming he is not interested, and losing hope that this can turn around. Too much time has passed. I’m too scared to bring it up to him. That’s a bad idea, right?
What would you do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 2:48 pm
Hi Stefanie,
why were you meeting up? Who asked? What did you do during the meet ups?
kyliekay
February 21, 2016 at 2:49 am
Need advice. 🙁 My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago due to a lot of issues & priorities. We’ve been fighting almost everyday and in the end he told me that he would want to focus on his family since he is the breadwinner, and he cannot include me in his priorities. I even told him that I will support him in everything but he rejected me and hung up the phone, never contact me again. 3 months after we broke up, we saw each other again through a friend. He seemed so nice to me, talked to me, and he even offered to drive me home, but I think he’s just doing it just to show his friends that he has moved on already? He acted as if nothing happened. It was my birthday a week ago and he greeted me over chat. We had a small talk about work but that’s just it.
Now I’m so confused. I’m in the healing process already until I saw him again and all the pain and anger came back :'(. It’s more painful. It’s painful knowing that he can already talk to me in a normal way. that maybe he has moved on already. Why did he show up after 3 months of NC. What is he trying to show me 🙁
kyliekay
February 24, 2016 at 12:48 pm
It’s okay to be friends again but maybe I’m not yet ready cos only 3 and a half months have passed and he was so rude to me during our breakup. I just can’t understand his actions cos he was so nice when we met. I felt like I haven’t completely moved on yet
kyliekay
February 23, 2016 at 2:03 pm
Oh Okay. But why do you think is he acting that way? Why did he became so nice after all that he did during our breakup? Is he trying to show me that he has totally moved on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 7:32 am
It’s hard to say..it can be but what if he wants to be friends again?
kyliekay
February 22, 2016 at 1:44 pm
We talked when we met but it’s just casual. I was able to talk to him few weeks ago about career, right after he sent me a birthday greeting. But that’s just it, I ended the conversation. He didn’t messaged me again after. I am tempted to send him a message but I would just like to ask how he seems so nice after what he did during our breakup. But would that be proper? I actually don’t know how to approach him, I don’t want him to feel that I’m running after him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 23, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Nopr don’t ask that… he might get offended… it’s ok if you want to initiate..what’s more important is what and how you send it
Kyliekay
February 21, 2016 at 9:54 pm
No, I met with his friends cos of business purposes but they called him and told him to come over cos I was there. I was surprised that he came, but I feel like he’s just doing that to show his friends that he can face me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 22, 2016 at 1:33 pm
Maybe you’re right.. So three months of nc, don’t you want to initiate a text now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Hi Kyloekay
so you mean he asked your friend to see you?
Anon
February 17, 2016 at 7:19 am
Hi,
My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago after nearly 2.5 years, we had just been out looking at a flat to move into together that night. He felt that we had just become friends over time (sex had been lacking, though affection was still there). I think we broke up over our insecurities in the long run, we were not good at talking. He said he didn’t want me out of his life as he still loved me he just didn’t see a future anymore. I still do and I am still in love with him. I sent texts at first which were rational as he was very adamant that the feelings he had have changed. He told me he missed me, but that he didn’t want to get back together. I didn’t send him a text for 24HRs and then he text me. I sent one or two texts which explained why I still felt the way I felt. Then we tried to text as friends and I felt like I was sitting by the phone waiting and getting more upset the longer he too to reply. I then told him that I read a book about how to get through a break up (which a friend bought me) and it said that I needed 2 months of no contact to get over him so that I stop hurting. The thing is the no contact has given me clarity and I still think we could work, I don’t want to get over him. We want the same things and we were on a path down that road. I think that we just need to work on our insecurities (which I am doing) and then we could try again. I am worried now that I have told him that we shouldn’t talk for that long that I won’t hear from him (he said he just wants me to be happy again, so probably won’t text) or that in 2 months all chances will be over. What should I do or have I ruined my chances? Thank you in advance for any advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 3:05 pm
Hi Anon,
No I don’t think so, maybe he would just wait for the two months to be over before you talk to each other
Jemma
February 15, 2016 at 9:11 pm
Hi,
Me and my ex were completely in love with each other, spoke about marriage and children one day and we were always very honest with each other and never cheated or anything, we texted every single day pretty much all day. We started to argue lots as we are both heated people, but the last couple of weeks got really bad and the arguing was non stop (over silly things) and in a heated argument I rang him up and ended it but a few hours later realised my mistake and told him i was so sorry and it was a mistake but he said it was too late and it was my decision and we just dont work. We then texted with me begging and him saying im sorry its too late we dont work, so we met up and exchanged belongings and we both cried and said goodbye. A few days later I texted him again saying i love him and we can make it work but he said the trust is gone because i ended it and we just dont work. I said can we at least be friends and his reply was i’d love to but not now as we need some distance as this will just be harder if not and we both said goodnight and that was it. I’m going to do the NC for 30 days and see if he talks to me. I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to do it, all I want to do is talk to him but he isn’t interested right now. Is there any chance for us and could I win him back? If he was so in love with me like he said then how can he be ok with being friends one day? Thank you!
Jemma
February 16, 2016 at 2:14 pm
So the NC rule for 30 days is probably my best option right? It’s his birthday in exactly a month so I was thinking of messaging him then to say happy birthday and i hope he’s well. I’m just worried he’ll move on and forget me and what we had.
His mum has said to me give it time you never know but once he’s made his mind up then he doesn’t change it as he’s very stubborn, those were her words. I also asked him if there was no chance for us what so ever and his reply was I don’t think so.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 7:55 am
Yeah.. but you know if he made a decision to move on, it doesn’t mean you can’t attract him back..
it may take longer but at least you know if that happens it would be like a start over
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 9:16 am
Hi Jemma,
I think he’s just hurt or angry.. let him cool off
Crystie
February 15, 2016 at 1:39 pm
Hi. I was in a relationship with my guy for 2 1/2 years. He is an entertainer and always has women pushing and pulling at him. Also I am 15 years older than he – and have a child from a prior marriage. He has never been married and does not have kids. We spent over 6 months together courting before starting the relationship. He moved in after commencing the relationship partly because he needed a place to stay at the time. So the relationship went serious very fast. He accepted my son and treated him as his own. However, he received a lot of pressure to break up with me from friends and family. Every one seems to have ideas that because someone is in entertainment and maybe even a child of a very successful entertainer, they will also be successful. No one really stopped to get to know the man. He was sick and hungry. I became friend, and love. All was great as long as he struggled. Once he started making more $ – we had more disagreements. He was hired to open in Vegas and moved there for the job. That changed our relationship more and how we communicate with each other. It also provided for more infidelity… One day during a disagreement – he offered “maybe we should just break up?” as an answer – whereas before he would say “Let’s keep working on it – it will get better…”
At that time there were more women. We went through phases of infidelity and lying. I did not accept the behavior – which was also part of the disagreements/arguments we would have.
So I agreed to the “let’s break up” offer – as it was placed to me as his thought more than a discussion. I felt he needed to find himself and for me to think about the change. It was hard seeing him move out…. but he always left something in the house and kept the keys. Eventually we had the massive break up and breakdown in communication.
I took that time to work on me. I did the 30 day No contact. Revamped me and my direction. Started a new project. He reached out to old girlfriends, met new ones ….nothing worked. Approximately 6 weeks after the massive breakup, he called. He noted how he thought about me all the time. Recognized that I was trying to make him better… that kind of “I’m sorry” talk – YET he was not ready to get back together. I did not ask. I just let it all flow and said “Yes.” He would say wonderful things and then counter it with “I have to find my wife… and it is not you…” He asked me to drive to see him every week and we would hang out, spend time – as friends. We broke up October 15 – and still today we are hanging out, talking – but no physical action.
During the holidays – Christmas to Mid January he was off from work. He asked me and my son to come to Vegas and stay with him. I packed up my office and we stayed together for over 6 weeks. We had a great time. He would mention “I need to have sex” “I want a woman” … but did not initiate a direct anything to me. I did not want to jump back into that side of the relationship with him and want him to be sincere that he wants to build something with me – not just about sex.
After the six weeks [I would drive back home for a few days and he would call and ask me to come back..] .. I went home. Stayed. I had plans to move out of my apartment and into another in February [this month]… he started the push for me to move to Vegas. I thought that was the time to really talk about who we are and where the relationship is going. Whenever I offer to leave and to leave him alone – he pushes for the friendship. He finally offered “terms for being in his life forever” … which was three things to do/not to do. If I honor that – I can “stay forever…” I came up with my own list. Then he announced to his friends that I was moving to Vegas and we were opening a production business together. [he never told me this].
I decided to come for a week to look around at places, houses etc. get a feel for where we were… Although we have a great friendship now, he doesn’t want to have a relationship. I actually asked to sit and talk about it… He says he wants me in his life. But he wants to get married to someone who has not been married and have a child before. That he hasn’t found “his wife” but he is passionate that she will one day arrive. I told him that I couldn’t be around if he wanted me to help build his life, get his health together and then find someone else to get married to … He said “I understand..” “If you are here hoping it will end in matrimony – this is the wrong reason.”
Hunh?
He said that he is passionate about finding his wife.
So then I start talking the same way “finding my true life partner…’ He gets angry. When I offer to just not move to the city and we can be close friends from a distance – he freaks out. He says us not being close will affect his comedy show, how he sees the world and how he will deal with people going forward. He says the industry wants him to have a certain girlfriend and that he will not be nice to them if he looses me. Hunh?
I must be doing something wrong. I truly want to go forward with my life and not have games. When I actually make the movements, he has a panic attack – yet I haven’t been able to get him to formally say we are in a relationship. At this point, I kind of see him differently. I enjoy our friendship. I want to have a full relationship with a solid man. What to do? Did I mess things up here? Do I just move on? Ugh. [Sitting in Vegas – with one leg in the car, the other in the city]
CL
Crystie
February 22, 2016 at 10:19 am
Update – so last Friday he announced that we would go to a club together. Since moving to Vegas we have a new set of friends that knows us. We all went out. The nightclub was packed. I stayed with the group for a while then went to one of the other music rooms and watched the light show. He eventually found me and danced a little. Then he wandered off. I stood around for another hour and decided to look around. While looking around – place was very packed – two women ran into me and caused a scene. I felt so embarrassed by it, I decided to leave the club [in a hotel] and wait at the car – knowing he would call to ask where I was. When he called, I told him where I was at. He instructed me to go home alone. [I don’t drink so I was the designated driver for the night and had coats in the car from people who rode with us]. He said that the people were going to go to another place to drink/smoke and that he would call me in an hour to come get him. Well. I didn’t hear from him until 2pm the next day. He never came home. When he called, he asked me to pick him up from around the corner at one of his friend’s house – who he said he stayed with and slept on their couch. This is totally not like him – so I didn’t believe him. I did not make a scene. I picked him up from his friend’s place [he could have walked 1/2 block], listened to his story and asked one or two light questions. Upon gong to the apartment, he jumped in to playing video games with my son. They played most of the night and I retrieved for the evening. I had to think about the events that occurred. When I woke up the next morning I packed all of my things, put them in the car and headed back to Los Angeles. He asked when I was returning – I told him that I did not have a date planned. I told him that I understand his intention on fulfilling his right to enjoy life. But his pursuit of happiness causes me misery. When he did not come home and did not call in the 1, 2, 3 or 4 hours after leaving the club, I thought something happened to him and called the police, hospital. I drove to his friend’s house wee hours in the morning – only to realize he was not coming home. He did not admit to doing anything. [his shirt smelled like perfume and he was missing his under shirt he wore when leaving for the club].
As I drove to Los Angeles, I went through many thoughts – first I missed him and made some excuse. Then as I started to think about what happened – I got angrier and said “no”… See when we were at the club he mentioned that there was a woman there he was avoiding. My guess is that he told me to leave so that he could ask her to drive the people home and they spend time drinking, smoking and whatever they did the rest of the night into the morning. When we were together he is normally up by 9am and ready for a coffee run. I knew that at least he would be back by 9am – but when he did not come back until 2pm. My heart sank. When I saw him he mentioned – “I only danced with you last night – no other women.” In just that quick second – I hated him.
I know we only have a friendship – but we can’t build a friendship on lies.
Before I left to get into the car to leave – he gave me a long hug. He never said anything, no apologies. Just a long hug.
…was that a goodbye hug. I was so angry inside that I barely held him. But he kept pulling me closer.
When I got home, I wrote a few messages clearing my mind and basically telling him that I lost all trust in him.
I want to pursue my own happiness. It seems that everyone has their happiness. He didn’t think about me while he was out all night. I was running around looking for him. What’s wrong with me? I am much better than this.
oh – his mother arrived in town today [who hates me] and will be there for the next week. Before this weekend happened, he was trying to get me to stay while his mother was there and hoped that we would speak with each other and “bring his two worlds together.” How can someone plan like this and be suck a …#@!
I have to find my way back from this – I am still living in his world. Help. It shouldn’t matter if he cares, if he will miss me [all the questions in my head] … I have to work on me – what kind of woman will put up with this kind of crap?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 23, 2016 at 11:34 am
You already made the first move of going back to LA.. start there.. build your life and self esteem back
Crystie
February 16, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Thank you for the response and the chat about this .. it is tearing me up!
Okay – he has changed his ways. He does not have the girls around. He never really wanted the girls around. He got lost in the celebrity of it all. He is sensitive to how I feel about things. He seems to be executing things as though we are together. He announces to new friends that I am his “girl” – but between us we are friends. I have refused to have physical relations and mention to him that I am abstinet right now. In all honesty – taking away the physical seems to have taken a load off of him. He says he is trying to be abstinet. He is drinking much less. Less running out to party. No outward desires for hard drugs.
This is weird.
I talk with him all the time and don’t take the crazy talk. I mentioned that I no longer want to hear him say he is looking for his wife or any other woman. I am sitting here and until he finds her he needs to acknowledge me. So it has been a week since I made that request. … The virtual wife is not prevalent in our conversations this week. [doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking it …] He doesn’t return texts to women who text or call. Right now, he is around me about 12 hours a day. Goes to work and comes over for dinner – then heads home to sleep.
This is a lot – I don’t mind it if we are building something but I wanted to hear another point of view. It does feel selfish.
I agreed to stay in Vegas with him for 3 months. I am a software developer so I can work anywhere. I am working on a project awaiting funding so I can do this. But every morning I am assessing the situation. This week, I intend on meeting new people. But I will also protect and keep up our friendship to see where this is going.
I say – “be careful what you ask for … ”
Thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 9:31 am
For me that’s not being selfish..you’re just looking out for yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:31 am
Hi Crystie,
Basically the nc did take effect but your ex is selfish… he lays conditions for you to stay forever in his life?? Wow, it’s as if it’s a privelage for you to even get to soend a time with him..
and then he tells you straight that he won’t come back with you but acts out when you try to live your life.. And then he made a decision for you about building a business with him…
Those are red flags girl.. it doesn’t even address a recurring problem that if you do get back, he’s still surrounded by girls.. are you alright with that?
Anon
February 14, 2016 at 2:06 pm
Hi,
My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago, after 8 years together. We talked often of getting married, had met each other’s families and traveled together. He told me the reason was that we hadn’t been the same people lately, but I think it’s actually because of a new job he has and trying to balance it with going back to school full-time. After the break-up I started NC and made it 2 weeks before he texted me. I stupidly responded. He said that he was genuinely interested in how I have been, and that he wants to be friends. I told him that it would be too hard to just be his friend if he couldn’t see us as being more than that one day. He told me that right now all he can focus on is school and work. He told me to move on with him as a friend, but if that would be too hard then he would leave alone.
I haven’t responded to his last message where he said he would leave me alone if it was going to be too hard. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to never respond if I do reach out to him again one day. Do I start NC over again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 11:17 am
Hi Anon,
I think he will respond because in the first place, he’s the one who initiated to be friends again… if you want him to miss you, you can restart again.. but complete it this time.. coz the more you do it, the less the effect
Anon
February 12, 2016 at 5:31 am
Hello, I was recently dumped. So I was with this guy since junior year of high school, and I am now 21. We were together for almost 4 years, and we’ve had our ups and downs. He was my fourth relationship, while I was his first. We all hang out in the same group of friends as well.
Our first year, I caught him taking an interest in another girl. He had never had any experience with girls so this one girl intrigued him. It was considered cheating because he would ditch me for her. He apologized and begged me to forgive him, so I did. Our relationship was rocky afterwards. We would be good, then all of a sudden we weren’t. It was strange.
Then we had a breaking point last year around November 2014, we stopped talking for 2 weeks. Before that, we stopped being intimate as well, 8 months prior. He would reject me at every turn and wouldn’t even hold me, or my hand. We broke up afterwards, and I rethought things and wanted him back because I felt that I was the one who didn’t try to understand his situation; he was stressed from school and felt like he was taking too long. He also told me that he saw me as a family member, and not a girlfriend, and that he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He also said he liked someone else but didn’t go into detail. I found out recently from a mutual friend; apparently she had the same name as me, and looked like me, but she was taller, skinnier, prettier, and seemed like she knew what she was doing, but he never got the courage to talk to her. He mentions her a lot to that mutual friend once in a while, and it’s been two years since. I asked him for another chance, and I told him, if I couldn’t change his mind in 3 months, I would give up and I wouldn’t ask again.
We worked things out, and after that 3 months, he became very loving. He was affectionate, sweet, thoughtful, and we were also very intimate. He would always call me on the phone to talk, and he was open about himself. We were both communicating and extremely happy. It wasn’t until these past couple of months that he changed again. It started when he asked me if we would stay together after college and if we’d get married in September. I told him that I would go with the flow, and not rush it, but if it did happen, I wouldn’t mind because I loved him. He told me he loved me. We were happy with each other and he was constantly making jokes about marrying me with my family and my friends, like calling my cousins cousin in law. I was madly in love with him. I adored his family, and my family adored him.
We broke up a little over a week ago. He said he wanted to do this for a while now, and that he didn’t love me that way I loved him. He said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He said that I shouldn’t have cared so much in the relationship, and that he knew that everything has an end, and for example, he knows his mom would die in the future, and he accepts that, or that if we did get married, and I would die, or divorce, that would be it. He said that’s why it’s so easy for him and that I do too much and that I should never do that in the relationship because it’s ignorant. He asked me why I was crying, and I poured my heart out and told him how I felt. He stood quiet and then said, I probably should have put it more nicely. …Well, sorry I guess. Then he walked out.
He’s a very logically thinking kind of person. He doesn’t show much emotion either. Recently, he contacted our mutual friend. He’s completely fine. I felt like that entire relationship was a lie.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 3:11 pm
Hi Anon,
What sparked the breakup? If he’s really logical, why was he super sweet before?
Jenna
February 8, 2016 at 7:33 pm
Hello. My boyfriend who I lives with woke up and said he doesn’t think i am the “one”. He says we are not compatible, we don’t respect each other and there is no spark. He wants to be friends and wants to help me move. He says he loves me and cares about me but is not in love with the relationship. I am devastated.
,
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 9:29 am
Hi Jenna,
It’s not that he just woke up.. that’s a process. If you’re moving out, it’s better to start nc by then.
Carol
February 6, 2016 at 3:58 pm
Hi, so I have quite a complicated situation (well, that’s ofc subjective). So my ex broke up with me about 4 months ago by saying that he wanted to slow things down. After that he’d been texting me for about 2 months, in a friendly way but not as much as before. At first he used to start our conversations, but later I got into it, too. So after all that time he stopped texting and stopped approaching me (we work together but rarely see each other there). I asked him what was going on, and he made it clear that he didn’t want anything romantic between us. 2 weeks later he said he wanted to stay friends but I rejected. I haven’t contacted him since then, but after about 3 weeks he texted me (it was a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year text), I responded but very distantly, he said thanks and that’s about it.
Back then I was hurt and wasn’t sure if I wanted to get back together, but now I do. Almost a month has passed without any contact (since that short conversation) and I really want to tell him that I miss him. What should I do? I came as too needy in those first months after our breakup so I don’t want to make same mistakes.
Carol
February 10, 2016 at 9:13 am
Hi! Yeah, I made some improvements: I started working out, I changed my make up routine, I started wearing clothes that that suit me (as opposed to comfy sacks from before), I’m working on my confidence.
I’m just afraid he’d moved on – he grew a beard, my friends told that about 2 weeks ago in a conversation he said something like “I had to let go some people”. Finally, we have a class together at the university, and last week it seemed that he was indifferent – he acted as if I was just another random girl.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 10:04 am
Then keep moving on, if he’s grown a beard that means he’s not takjng care of himself that much and if he thinks he has to let you go, at least make him see what see what he’s losing
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 1:56 pm
Hi Carol,
this may sound shallow, but first have you done a physical makeover after that? If not, do it now. Physical attraction is the first step of course, and since, it’s a month since you last talked, it’s like your NC already but without the improvements. So, improve yourself. And when he sees you after the makeover and compliments you, just say thank you. If he reaches out in text, keep it interesting but you should be the one to end it in a high note. Be mysterious again but also be friendly.
sophie
February 6, 2016 at 3:42 am
Hey Chris, okay so my ex and I went out for a year, which is a long time considering the fact that i’m 18 and hes 17. were both on our last year of high school, and I was his first relationship. we are great together he even gave me a promise ring and would always talk about a future together. however during the relationship i was a bit to needy and dependent on him. i didn’t give him the space he needed and on top of that i would constantly start arguments over every little thing. we broke up once before and we got back together a month later because i did the no contact rule(It was summer vacation so we didn’t have school together) so i feel like the no contact made him mis me and then when he saw me at school he wanted to get back together. however we ended up braking up again two weeks ago because of our constant fighting. and of course i begged him to stay with me but that obviously that never works. so now i am doing the no contact rule however we have classes together in school so i cant completely ignore him. i feel like he wont get a chance to miss me do to the fact that he sees me every day at school.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Hi Sophie,
Well, he will still miss you. You’re not talking like before, and also it’s harder when you see the person you used to do things with but not anymore. Do active limited nc, that means you focus on yourself again, limit the time you spent together and don’t talk to him if not needed but don’t be rude. It’s important that you keep your distance to avoid confrontation but if that happens during nc, if he approaches you to talk about the relationship, don’t be rude. Either tell him, politely that you need to catch up on this activity you’re doing and maybe you can talk next time when you’re sched permits or listen and nodd and then say you’ll think about what he said and then you’ll get back to him when you’re ready. (that’s after nc)
Selena
February 3, 2016 at 8:48 pm
Hi!
I hope you would be able to help me out! Me and my ex have been together 6months but it all got heated up and ended and he’s really good at shutting people out however I constantly did text him etc about how I felt and how I miss him but he said he needed time… Then I messaged him more and he said he’s busy with everything going on in his life and doesn’t have time for all this and that we are still friends. So yeah he friend zoned me and ofcourse I want him back… Do I now just stop contacting him? Will that push him away? I don’t know what to do..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 3:57 am
Hi Selena,
Most of the people who do no contact have good feedback because their ex misses them. And, from you said yoi already did, he’s definitely going to think what happened if you don’t contact anymore. But, you’ve just been together for 6 months, and you said he friendzone you, has he been more kind and sweet lately compared to right after the break up?
Angela
February 3, 2016 at 9:30 am
Hi Chris,
My story is similar to most of the comments I have read. I was dating my ex for 10mths. It was literally love at first meeting (corny I know). Anyway considering both of our hectic traveling schedules we always seemed to make time to meet even if it were for a quick coffee. We spoke every day – it just worked.
Some time into our relationship Im not sure what happened but I went crazy. I started giving him shit cause I started feeling I cared more than he did and well what can I say….just nuts. Throughout all of this we still spoke every day and made time for eachother….however the kissing and intimacy stopped. December holidays came around and we both went on our separate holidays, agreeing to not have contact. Needless to say, I failed miserably. We continued chatting and new year was upon us and things were back to normal. Last week I pushed him into a corner and he admitted he is over this “affair” and is only interested in me as a platonic friend. I was happy I finally knew what I had thought he had been feeling for a while and I was also deeply affected.
The thing is, we still speak everyday, he still wants to see me and sends me messages that he misses me etc. which is very confusing for me. I have heard him and minus the ego bruising my heart is still with him and I want him back like we used to be. In saying this I would like to know if the no contact rule is applicable here (i’m guessing it is) and will / how would it work in this situation?
Thanks
Angela
February 5, 2016 at 7:53 am
Yip I know….just hope it works.
Angela
February 4, 2016 at 5:25 am
I have no idea. All I know is what he said to me. He asked to meet me tomorrow – Friday – as he says he wants to see me. We haven’t gone a day in 10 months where we don’t speak with each other, even now. We still chat daily but as he said he just wants a platonic friendship and although I don’t I’m also not about to beg him. I’m confused by all of this. I’ve taken the stance of I’ll only chat to him when he contacts me…no contact will be initiated from my side. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 5:12 am
well if you’re going to do no contact that means not replying to his messages too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:44 pm
Hi Angelq,
He said everything was just an affair? So you’re still speaking with each other, and he misses you, did he mention that he wants to be more serious with you? Do you get the feeling this is just another affair phase he’s initiating?
Marge
January 31, 2016 at 10:06 pm
I’m a single mother. I started dating my best friend of five years. It lasted 5 months long distance but then when I moved to the same city, my dad died, I couldn’t get a job and was really lonely. I was anxious and depressed and after 6 months in the same place he dumped me saying he didn’t love me anymore. That was 3 months ago. I’ve done no begging, I did about 70 days no contact and I still want him back. I’m seeing him in two days time. I think he just wants to be friends. What do I do? How do i handle it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:33 pm
Hi Marge,
First look your best and if he wants to be friends take it as a good sign in starting to get him back. At least you don’t have to guage if he wants to connect. Build rapport again and then after that build attraction
Cherry
January 25, 2016 at 9:04 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago saying his feelings arent enough to see us getting married. Ive messed up all what is to be messed up in the beginning, from getting overly emotional to being a text gnat, long emails, even suicide etc… he reluctantly still replied but i could tell he always felt uncomfortable and forced. Last month, he told me he was dating another girl and I went silent for 3 weeks since that. We started to text again these days, but he told me that he loves the other girl and wants to develop the relationship with her asking me to let go and wishes we could still be friends. I was calm and wanted to call him to make sure we are ok, but he said that right now he still feels very pressured talking to me. What can I do? Is there actually a chance for me to get him back?
Cherry
January 25, 2016 at 9:05 pm
I forgot, we have been dating for 4 years and living together for 2 years…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2016 at 11:39 am
When you started to text again, did you open the topic about your relationship? or he just said that? You need to stop again, and stop asking about your relationship status even if it’s just about being friends because it gets him to think you want him back now or in the near future. If he’s pressured with you, that means, your image as a responsibility for him hasn’t changed.
denise
January 21, 2016 at 2:34 am
okay i have done all the things that you should not do. i feel like i have messed up to the point where there is no chance left. my ex broke up with me 9 months ago. i have called alot and texted alot. too much for me want to admit. and your right he still doesn’t respond. okay long story short. we hung out a few days ago and we kissed. and we have texted through the whole 9 month break up. but it has not go me any where.
well i am doing the first step into getting him back. i am joining the army.. so i am still wondering why that has not already shocked him enough o want me back. i need some help please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2016 at 2:49 pm
Hi Denise,
Are you sure about your decision? Joining the army is life changing. You shouldn’t do that just to get him back because what if he doesn’t? Do you still want to join the army?
ANON
January 10, 2016 at 6:18 pm
Sorry, I would like to add that he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to date anyone else. He has said over and over that be doesn’t want anyone, he just wants to be alone. And I would also like to say that he was extremely honest in the relationship, very loving and devoted, but he started to pull away when things in his family started going downhill
I smothered him with attention instead of leaving him alone. Prior to that he always talked about marrying me and having kids and moving in together, but now he says he’s too young to be acting like he’s 40. But he says its impossible not to act that way when we developed feelings that strong for each other. Never once did I doubt his honesty or anything like that which is why I’m not so quick so assume everything he says now is BS. He has cried over the stress in his life, and he cries every time we talk to each other emotionally. I believe he really is doing this for time alone (and yes, that also means time to hang out and party with his friends. But he tells me what they do, and it’s not anything to do with girls or getting laid much less finding a girlfriend). I am doing my best to improve my life and even though I know he and I will always be special to each other, it concerns me that he’s telling me to move on and let him go. Once he even suggested I date someone else. I don’t know if he is just trying to help me get through this or if he’s doing it because he’s not sure he wants to get back together with me, even if he does still have feelings. He says a lot of things like “I don’t know where I’ll be in 4 years” or “who knows, maybe once you stop wanting me back we will get back together!”
ANON
January 10, 2016 at 6:01 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 and a half years, and he broke up with me about 2 months ago. We are both verg young, still in highschool.
My ex has a lot of stuff going on right now. Job, challenging courses in school, family issues, medications issues, etc. When he broke up with me, he said it was because he had too much on his plate, and wanted to focus on himself. Admittedly, I didn’t give him much time to himself. We were together far too often, and when we weren’t, I expected him to be in constant communication. I would get angry and emotional if he neglected that communication. I was very ridiculous.
The reason for the break up is pretty clear to me. He doesn’t know where his life is going, and he didn’t think he could figure it out while I was in the picture with my drama and emotions. He didn’t want to need to worry about someone who was so easily hurt by his actions.
After he broke up with me, he seemed sure we would get back together. But, I continued to call and text him 24/7, I followed him at school, I got angry at him for ignoring me, I pretty much made every mistake. He has yelled at me over this, but has always apologized later. I have stopped this annoying behaviour now, and he doesn’t seem so angry anymore. Very recently, he has taken it upon himself to contact me, and we eventually hung out and talked about everything again. We are on better terms now (not that they were necessarily bad before, but he acts more like himself now) and I have decided to start no contact while I am ahead. Recently he has reaffirmed that his decision to break up is to learn how to be independent, and he has told me that the feelings are still there and he has already accepted he will never be over us. He says he isn’t looking to move on from me, and that he thinks there is a possibility for a future but that I should try to move on and work on myself. I have been trying to do so, and I feel much better now than I did 2 months ago.
He still hugs me and cuddles me and kisses me the same way he used to, mostly just when we say goodbye. He says “that’s just how we say goodbye to each other.” We have been intimate together, which I know is a big mistake, but the way he behaved afterwards really showed me that he still has feelings for me. (It was never his idea, by the way, and he stated numerous times that he didn’t want to use me, that it meant something to him and he didn’t want me to think it didn’t. Afterwards he would always treat me the way he did when we were together, and he never tried to get anything more from me in the weeks following. However he did seem to become more distant again. When I asked him about it, feeling angry and used, he actually expressed regret, and said we shouldn’t sleep together because it changes the way he feels. He did not explain what that meant.
Anyways, I guess my question is, is it even possible to get an ex boyfriend back if he openly admits to having feelings for me, has no trouble expressing those feelings, accepts the fact that he misses me, and yet is okay with all of those things? We have worked out the mistakes that happened between us, apologies have been exchanged, and I would say there are no more hard feelings. But he always says, it’s not so much that he doesn’t want to be with me, it’s more that he can’t at the moment. He says that even though he cares for me and misses me, he’s accepted that he has to live with that if he is going to improve his life. Is there really anything I can do at this point other than give him space? When I do ignore him even for a few days, he usually calls to talk and see how I’m doing, but I know this doesn’t mean he wants to get back together.
denise
January 21, 2016 at 3:41 am
one more thing .. we are actually talking on the phone tonight!! is this good or bad? what should i say. keep it light right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 12:11 pm
Congrats Denise! Keep it light and positive but too sound too excited. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 12:12 pm
I mean DON’T sound too excited.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 9:02 am
Hi Anon,
The question is, are you okay with all of doing everything like you’re boyfriend-girlfriend but with no commitment?