What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

Allie

December 13, 2015 at 10:42 am

Hi, so my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and his main reasoning was that he wouldn’t ever have enough time to see me since he’s going to college and working at a place (and sometimes staying in) a city about an hour from where I live. That, and 3 days before we broke up I had a suicidal breakdown and he said he didn’t want to be an influence on that or have me dependent on him. He said that he still wanted to talk and be friends, he just didn’t want a relationship and didn’t want to date anyone for a while anyways since he isn’t too fond of emotional intimacy. We keep talking every day after. Fast-forward 2 weeks later, and I notice from social media that he is dating someone else, and I text him about it, getting angry saying that though I wanted him to be happy even if it was with someone else, it felt like he lied to me about why he ended things and that hurt me. We calmly talked and worked things out, and he said again that he did truly care about me, he just wanted to be friends is all. From what I see on social media, he seems to really like this new girl and like he’s putting more into that relationship than what he did ours. (note: she works with him and lives in said town that he goes to school at.) However, she doesn’t seem like his type, she’s 21 (3 yrs older than him), still at community college, a little fat, and he HATES people who go slow in life and don’t have much ambition to make something of themselves. So we’ve been talking every day since then, having good conversations about similar interests, and I’ve made it apparent to him that I’m getting better, I’m putting a lot of effort into my studies, and I’m not smoking any more (he used to smoke too). Now I want to get out of the friend zone, but I feel like if I don’t contact him he’ll just forget about me and fall more in love with his new girl, and my chances will be even more dimmed. I know that we had a rare connection and we really, really enjoyed hanging out with each other. (Woops, this comment was much longer than expected! Sorry!)

Emily

December 9, 2015 at 8:57 pm

Hi Chris,
So I normally don’t ask for help on these kind of things, but I’m curious on what you have to say. The situation is my ex and I broke up about six months ago. It was a pretty clean breakup and we didn’t talk for a good 4 months. Now we are friends and talk everyday, but that’s all he wants to be is friends. He has openly admitted to still caring about me and I am still in love with him I’m just not sure how to get out of the friend zone with him. We have now talked for three months straight, but he just wants to be friends. What should I do?

..

December 3, 2015 at 4:30 pm

Hey I left a comment with my first and last name is there anyway you can remove?

Tyler

December 2, 2015 at 3:18 pm

I am a guy, and was ghosted by a guy I dated for little over a month, three months later we’re talking again, but I’m in the friend zone. He recently tried seeing his ex again, and it killed me. I expressed that I still like him, but it hasn’t seemed to make a difference. Any advice?

Bebe

November 25, 2015 at 10:41 am

Hi Chris.

My boyfriend and I unofficially and unceremoniously “broke up” a few months ago. He was dealing with a lot of stuff (still kinda is) and I got needy. I think it pushed him away. I backed off but he only wanted to be friends. I stupidly agreed because I still love him. We still hangout (no sex), but he gives me mixed signals. Sometimes, it feels like he wants me back as his girlfriend but is afraid to take that step. I talk and date other men, but my heart is not in it.

I am in pain and cry most days now because my heart is broken and I long for him to want me again. I know I am only hurting myself by sticking around. I am sure I need to go absolute no contact but the thought of never seeing or speaking to him again makes me even more sad than I already am.

Have any of you ever been in this kind of situation and rekindled with your ex or is it a lost cause?

Navi

November 25, 2015 at 7:38 am

Hey there me and well the guy I was dating for the past few months were actually going pretty good and I am not going to lie I would sometimes get really nervous around him especially when he would hold me and make out. I know it is it pretty bad and people would say that I would have issues. But mainly this was because I was still trying to get to know him and get more comfortable. But anyways I would say it was heading in the right direction I felt that even though i would get shy and nervous things with me and him were moving forward. He came to my birthday and even wished me at 12am on the dot which I thought was really sweet of him and he had no obligation to come to my birthday. So he had just out of no where said that he sees me as a friend. I did say I understand however I would really like to try and keep working on us but understand if he didn;t. But didn’t seem interested he asked me after he said that if I was okay and that he didn’t want to break my heart. I felt that was just a big wow to me even though he said that would there be a chance things can work out or should i completely leave it.

fatima

November 5, 2015 at 10:47 pm

Hello Chris,
I really wanted some advice from you. So, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months (august) ago because he got really busy and we couldn’t talk as much. He didn’t want to break up and kept on refusing to break up but I broke up regardless. A month later, he just randomly messaged me and we started talking as friends and I told him that I wanted to get back but he said that he needs time and isn’t ready for a relationship now. I asked him multiple times to get back with me ( i know, desperate move on my part :$) but he said that he just doesn’t feel the same way for me anymore even though he still feels like kissing me when we meet up. So, now he just wants to be friends with me but i want moreeeee!! How do i get him to want to get back in a relationship with me? Any advice? What if the no contact rule doesn’t work because apparently he got over me after a month of our break up!!

Amanda

October 24, 2015 at 12:17 pm

Hi Chris.

My ex and I broke up exactly 2 months ago. And just last month, I managed to achieve NC for 27 days (I broke NC because I was feeling down about something else and wanted to seek comfort from him, something I shouldn’t be doing in the midst of NC but I was very upset at that time). Then I requested to meet up with him and surprisingly, we had quite a pleasant time chatting and catching up with each other. I’m also very pleased when he said that he missed me. However, he and I both agree to remain as friends for now. I’m a little upset because I still feel that I have some romantic feelings left for him and it hurts knowing that I’ve been friend-zoned by him. Should I go into NC for 30 days again? And how exactly do I move on and put all these feelings away? I can’t imagine going through another 30 days of NC…

Esther

October 12, 2015 at 11:10 am

Hi Chris,
My ex and I are in high school (I’m a senior and he’s a junior). We broke up after an entire summer of talking and being head over heels for each other. He was away for the summer so we built a strong bond through Skype lol. Anyways he got back and although he tried, he just couldn’t handle being a boyfriend. He’s never been in a relationship and had no idea what to do. Just as I was probably about to break up with because of this reason, he broke it off. It was amicable and he basically said “I know I’m a bad boyfriend and I can’t keep disappointing you.” I responded sweetly but said that I couldn’t be friends right away. Since then it’s been 1 month no contact, and during that time he liked two of my Instagram pictures. Something I thought was interesting was that his friend told me that “I don’t even acknowledge him (my ex) as a human being.” So I decided to reach out and he seemed really cold and angry and was like “I see you’ve moved past all this and it would be ok to be friends.” this is completely not like him! he’s the nicest guy… I don’t know, help?

Magali

September 29, 2015 at 12:22 pm

HI Chris, thank you so much for your Guide, i´ve allready have it, it´s very educative actually!I´m gonna try to keep it short: i was in a real real deep reltionship with my boyfriend, since 8 years ago. 14 days ago he told me, crying , that “his feelings changed”, maybe because the stress of his new job( yes, he changed and becomed depressed and a little angry .By the way, he only works in a restaurant with 6 other men, not any girl). He is the boss there but is very stressful for him. I´ve consoled him all the time, trying to help him in anything, and all the weekends we spend toghether. But he told me 13 days ago that he sees my as a friend, that he can´t fool himself anymore. That he wants to be part of my life, and continue as a friend, that he “will always there for me”, in case i need him .The next day he brooke up with me, he send me a message saying” this is harder then it looks”, but since then, i´ve got no text message from him. I´m orphan and i know i did many mistakes with him(didn´t make effort to add romance to the ralation), but he knew i was going to think in suicide(actually i did..and i still do sometimes), but he didn´t send me any message thou. Should i give up??’ Thank you for reading this, any word from you could be very usefull :-). Sorry if i wrote any word in wrong way; i´m from Buenos Aires.. Thank you!

Magali

September 29, 2015 at 12:16 pm

Ho Chris, thank you so much for your Guide, i´ve allready have it, it´s very educative actually!I´m gonna try to keep it short: i was in a real real deep reltionship with my boyfriend, since 8 years ago. 14 days ago he told me, crying , that “his feelings changed”, maybe because the stress of his new job( yes, he changed and becomed depressed and a little angry .By the way, he only works in a restaurant with 6 other men, not any girl). He is the boss there but is very stressful for him. I´ve consoled him all the time, trying to help him in anything, and all the weekends we spend toghether. But he told me 13 days ago that he sees my as a friend, that he can´t fool himself anymore. That he wants to be part of my life, and continue as a friend, that he “will always there for me”, in case i need him .The next day he brooke up with me, he send me a message saying” this is harder then it looks”, but since then, i´ve got no text message from him. I´m orphan and i know i did many mistakes with him(didn´t make effort to add romance to the ralation), but he knew i was going to think in suicide(actually i did..and i still do sometimes), but he didn´t send me any message thou. Should i give up??’ Thank you for reading this, any word from you could be very usefull :-). Sorry if i wrote any word in wrong way; i´m from Buenos Aires.. Thank you!

Lex

September 18, 2015 at 12:26 am

Hey Chris
My ex and I went through Nc and started talking again. We have great conversations via text and met for the first time for coffee a few days ago. We were supposed to go to the fair on Saturday but he cancelled because he says he has too much more for college. He sent me a text saying “even though we are not in a relationship anymore…you do still have a friend who will help you when I can, and hangout when I can.” Have I been irrevocably friend zoned? Is there a way out of this? I don’t know if he’s actually dating but I do know he is back on dating sites. Is there anything I can do here? Thank you!

Dominique

September 17, 2015 at 6:22 am

Help!!!
I did the NC rule. And it did work like a charm. We were exchanging short,messages for a month now. A few days ago he starts behaving strangely. Got depressed starts hinting on missing me. He said that in a last month he had a lot of time to think. He also met this other girl and realised how much he missed me. I got really angry and basically told him I never, ever want to be put in this situation again when I am trying to help and it is all because he feels sad because some meaningless shag made him miss me. I thought he will never speak again to me and I was fine with that. Instead he started saying how much he misses what we had. When asked directly, he admitted he was am idiot for letting me go and that he misses me a lot. Later, he added that now it is too late cause it will never be the same. I got really confused as I did not know why he was telling ke all this. And even though I did try not to, it is hard not to assume certain things in this situation. So, after a few days of this I told him I do not know how to respond to all of this and I want a clear answer. What does he want from me? He said he misses me a lot and would like to establish some friends based contact. He would like to meet and see if it would be possible and not be awkward because we miss each other so. Mind you I never said I did. I was just supportive cause he seemed to be really down. So now he wants to call me in a few days and I do not know what to tell him.
I am very angry as he basically expects me to hold his hand and help him go through our break up. Not fair. Can I tell him that? The thing is, I know he still loves me, cause I know him. I think he just doesn’t quite realise that and just too lazy to put in the work to get me back. So what do I do? Another NC period can sent the message that I care,sooo much I am at home crying after him. I was thinking a week or so? How do I give him this last push? Do I agree to the phone call? Or not? Please, please, help me! You have brought me this far, how do I not mess this up?

Trish

September 14, 2015 at 12:29 pm

I met a guy 11yrs ago on a plane to seattle ,we hooked up after after a 8hr drive on my part two days later. We were both on business trips. After our hook up and a few days later we returned back to our cities, which just happened to be 30min away. We stared seeing each other ,i was just seperating from my husband. But because i was still married we didnt recognize it as a relationship. In fact he was trying to pursue another girl and i was there to give him advice and of course emotional and phyiscal support. After a 4yrs we were on uber friends with benefits. And it was hard on me because i was emotionally attached but it was not reciprocated back. I was constantly waiting for the other shoe ti drop. He moved away 6 1/2 hrs during the last yr, and we would see each other off and on. Then one day he said he found a gf and that was that..fast forward it 3yrs and I made contact through an email, because he changed his number..and he responded. I never stopped thinking about him the whole 3 yrs. We met we hooked up and we began the same routine again. Oh did i mention i relocated 6mos prior about an 1hr from him. So friends with benefits once again. Why fwb you ask. Well during all this time i finally got divorced but still even now live with my ex husband. And it is a strange situation and yes my ex has known abouty fwb and it has caused some intense fights ,because we are still technically in a relationship to. It sounds terrible i know. But my fwb has always let it be known that we would never be a couple. And it was always understood we could see other people, and he did, and it didnt bother me because in my mind as long as we were still having sex , he couldnt be possibly too serious with anyone..during this time we just didnt have sex, we were there to support each other in business decisions and life challenges, unlike the original 4yrs we were selfish and actually immaturely disrespectful to each other. So again fast forward to present, in june i started to feel a change coming on and after about 3 weeks i started to feel like he was gonna drop the shoe. So i decided to cancel a meetup, which had gone from 2 x a week ,to once a week to now once every other week, these meet ups consisted of me bringing over dinner and sex and i leave. Once in awhile we would get a hotel room or go to a movie but never all night. So feeling like this was getting shaky i cancelled and i did a NC for almost 2 wks and he would text but no i held my ground. But then i caved i missed my friend, the daily texts etc.. We met up again and well it was ok, same routine but i still felt uneasy..but we never mentioned the brief pause. Soooo last week he came back from a vacation ,which previously we would text and have great sex when he would return ,but this time it was different. No texts and when he returned ,i texted about having dinner, and he called me ,he never calls me always texts. We agreed to meet up the next day he offers to make dinner. We talk, we proceed to bedroom he puts on a movie, which was odd , he usually puts on music. Hmmm so we lay there then after about 30min we start to you know. But then after a bit he stops says he thinks we should just be friends, im like ooooh wow, in shock, im tell him, i was letting you go 3 weeks ago, giving you an out ,why didnt you let me be.. he says he wants us to still be friends.. this now leads into a conversation of a rehashment of 11yrs, the whys the whats ..im playing it cool because i think i was in shock. Rule #1 never show actual romantic emotion. Because i feared hed run like a rabbit. Although our first 4 yrs we never kissed my rule. Last 4 we did.So he tells me theres no one else, but he wants to change how he feels about sex. He wants it to be meaningful. We talk some more, i am like ok ,i go to leave he cups my face ,tells me to look at him and says I love you.. Now im driving home it hits me i cry …next morning i text him i said i was ok, im not sure we can be friends. I finally say i do have feeling for him.. no response..the next day i text him again i tell him im sending some of his books back and i want a scarf i left months ago..and again how much i care about him, amd i hope he doesnt forget me..he reaponds i will never forget you, i hope we can still be friends… i dont respond…the next night, because nights are the hardest i cave , i text..the sad thing is the one person i want to talk and confide in is you…he hasnt responded…i still dont know if its we possible to just be friends….

Taylor

September 14, 2015 at 12:19 am

hey Chris, i broke the no contact rule 2 days later because i needed advice on a university project and my ex knows perfectly how to help me out and since he friendzoned me i asked him. I’m wondering if i’m definetly in the ” ah she tottally wants me & i lost interest forever” zone , should i keep going with the no contact rule or its dead?

ariel

September 9, 2015 at 5:37 pm

hi ive been with this guy for 9 months we argue a lot and i moved two month ago he broke up with me saying that we have nothing in common but he loves me and i only annoy him when we text then he says he rather have me as a friend i agreed but im hurt and i really want him back ik theres no girl in the picture so far but i love him

May

August 31, 2015 at 9:26 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I started our relationship about one year ago. Everything was great for the first 4 months and both of us enjoyed being with each other. But after two arguments that I’ve caused he decided to break up. I was a complainer and he told me that he didn’t like any headaches. I promised to change and started No contact. He went out of the States at the same time and we were far for 3 months. During this period he called me every other two weeks but I never called or texted him. Finally he told me that he missed me and he understood that I changed a lot. we were great for one month but unfortunately I repeated the same mistake and we had an argument 3 months ago and he told me that he decided to break up… But I haven’t been able to follow the No Contact him during these 3 months. I’ve called and texted him many times, begging and asking to get back to me. He even told me that he started dating a new girl. we were with each other once a month ,but he says I am only his social friend from now on. he calls me only whenever he wants me to help him with doing something and I do the same. I asked him to take a trip last weekend and he accepted but he didn’t treat me as he used to do before . He also had some calls and he went somewhere to talk on the phone but he didn’t want me to realize that and he brought some excuses but I’m sure he was talking to a new girl. When I stated to come back home, I asked him to call me more often but he answered NO. we may only see each other once a month and nothing more…..The bad point is that every time we were with each other in the last months, I begged him to get back to me and show more attention to me while we were saying goodbye and this caused an argument and I cried and he told me several times that this is why he doesn’t like to see me as we have argument and fight each time when saying goodbye.. I don’t want him as only my social friend or a friend with benefit. I love him and want him as before.I am sure that he is dating someone else now. Is there a chance for me to get him back if I start the No Contact period right now?
He called me several times in the last months only to help him with some computer questions in the last months, but nothing more. I helped him each time. He told me that I am not his girl friend anymore as I make him headache and he doesn’t want a romantic relationship as I want. But he accepted me to spend time for the weekend once a month (He lives 5 hours drive far from me),he slept with me and had sex, but he was different and distant during the day and reminded me that I am only his social friend. I am sure that he loved spending time with me but he was afraid of my too much love towards him. I told him that I don’t want to be his fucking buddy. I want those feelings back. He told me this is what it is…..The last weekend we were with each other but as I asked him to get back to me like before and he said No, I cried and left his home without saying goodbye. I am sure he’s been mad at me by doing this and will not call me. Anyways, I won’t text or call him…I hope I can.
Also, if I accept our break up after NC period and accept to be his social friend, this will be what exactly he wants me to do. This is what he has tried to convince me in the past 3 months. He didn’t want to stop connection with me. He wants to be my social friend and calls or sees me once in a while if he wants. If I call him and accept the break up after NC days, isn’t it exactly what he wants?

Need help

August 28, 2015 at 1:49 pm

I was seeing my ex for 4 months, he’s 32 and Im 26, We met and a week later we were dating.things were really good but I always felt this detach. You see his parents have separated and he stays on his own with a housemate, and his mom and sis have moved into a flat, he is supporting them to some extent. he says he cant cope emotionally right now with having a gf, I have assured him that I wanna be here for him but he just doesnt let me in or talk about whats going on. When we used to go to his moms and shed talk to me he would retreat and move away and I would be left talking to his mom, i think he still has a lot of anger he has to work through. His dad cheated on his mom. Hes been studying cos he wants a better life for them but hes also been snappy with me, and Im only supporting him, yes I miss him and I wanna still have time to talk to him. I thought we’d finally get in some quality time after that was over, I saw him about a week ago he’d seen his dad and he came to pop in but was in and out he was super happy to see me but then in the week he texts me and says hes been thinking alot and doesnt think he can cope emotionally with having a girlfriend and that he is angry alot of the time and doesnt see that changing anytime soon he suggests that we should see each other on a friendly basis but Im not even sure what that means

Trice

August 25, 2015 at 1:30 am

Hi Chris,

I’ve been dating a guy 10 yrs younger. The problem we have is that he wants kids and though I’m still able to I really don’t want anymore kids. I already have a son and I’m happy with that. Last week he broke it off but wants to remain friends. I explained after everything we’ve been through there’s no way we could be friends. I really love this guy but I think in my case the nc rule will not work! Please help. I need you’re perspective!!!

Natavan

August 21, 2015 at 6:20 pm

HI, i have known this person for a year we were in mixed relationship when we were together everything was fine but deep inside i knew that he doesnt love me, but everytime i showed him signals that i love him, he had a girlfriend but broke up before we get aquainted to many times we broke up because he either changed his moods towards me, i always felt guilty, or because of me cos i get mad when he was talking to other girls. so finally i told him we cant be friends as i cant have anyone in my life cos he is there so i told him i want to break up. he told me we could always be friends i said no i feel more than friends. 2 years passed, i deleted facebook, dont use whatsapp having no contacts with him, then i gave my facebook to my girlfriend and told her change everything and use it as hers, he contacted her and said that he wants me to contact him (it shows that he deleted my phone number) and i told her to write him that she couldnt, if he writes again she will block him, after 3 months he again wrote that please tell her to contact me. To say the truth, i really like that person, but i dont get him, i desperately loved him, but i understand that to love someone is just the half of the way, the love must be mutual.i want your help why he contacted me. i want clean and pure relationship i want a soulmate i mean the person who will always be with me because he wants, i dont like mind games, that person is really the one i want, but i dont think it is mutual. but i dont understand why he is treating liek that cos i told him not to bother me cos i want to move on.

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