What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

MIRANDA

August 21, 2015 at 6:17 pm

HI, i have known this person for a year we were in mixed relationship when we were together everything was fine but deep inside i knew that he doesnt love me, but everytime i showed him signals that i love him, he had a girlfriend bu broke up before we get aquainted to many time we broke up because he either changed his moods towards me, i always felt guilty, or because of me cos i get mad when he was talking to other girls. so finally i told him o cant be friends with him , i cant have anyone in my life cos he is there so i told him i want to break up, he told me we could always be friends i said no i feel more than friends. 2 years passed, i deleted facebook, dont use whatsapp having no contacts with him, then i gave my facebook to my girlfriend and told her change everything and use it as hers, he contacted her and said that he wants me to contact him (it shows that he deleted my phone number) and i told her to write him that she couldnt, if he writes again she will block him, after 3 months he again wrote that please tell her to contact me. To say the truth, i really like that person, but i dont get him, i desperately loved him, but i understand that to love someone is just the half of the way, the love must be mutual.i want your help why he contacted me. i want clean and pure relationship i want a soulmate i mean the person who will always be with me because he wants, i dont like mind games, that person is really the one i want, but i dont think it is mutual. but i dont understand why he is treating liek that cos i told him not to bother me cos i want to move on.
Sheila

August 19, 2015 at 12:31 am

Hi,

My ex broke up with me 8 days ago and wants to go back to being friends, which we never really were. We were dating for three months then made it official and we were together for a month. He went from being happy to “not happy ” in like 2 weeks. We didn’t really argue but he would bring up topics and I would tell him how I felt about them and they would cause very small “tiffs”. He told me he found himself always thinking about what I would say about whatever it is we would talk about and It would continuously “stress him out.” I was stressed out too because he was stressed out!!!

He also said he disn’t trust me….why? Because he just didn’t believe anything I would say and I told him that I hold back a lot and bite my tongue for the sake of our relationship and because some things don’t need to be said. He didn’t like that and that made him not trust me even more but he does the same thing. He said that he thinks i just say things to keep him around. I’ve never lied or anything to him and everything I say is genuinely how I feel. He says maybe we can build trust as friends. ?

Also, he said something before which made me think that he wanted to fix me so I asked him if that’s what he wanted. He said no because you can’t fix a person. He wished things were different but he doesn’t wanna fix me. That was another reason why he left because he never wants a girl he’s dating to feel that way.

I broke NC after 4 days only because I have some of his clothes and I want them out of my car. I surprised him at his job today and took them to him and left. He was very surprised and he had like a weird “im shocked to see you” smile on his face. I couldn’t tell if he was happy to see me or not. He barely said anything. Lol

Hes kind of clueless and new to relationships.
Im not sure if I want him back or if I just want him to want me back. I was told by a male family member that the NC will work and he will be back because he will realize how crazy and immature he was.

Our relationship was a constant roller-coaster but only because of our small discussions that he was “stressed out” about which made him stressed in our relationship.

Oh…and he’s also basically a mamas boy. I just thought I should throw that in there.

What do u think about all this? I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can be hid friend. And him not contacting me doesn’t show that he wants to be friends in my opinion.

Sheila

August 20, 2015 at 11:36 pm

And we haven’t communicated since the day I asked him about his stiff and took it to him.

Asza

August 17, 2015 at 7:40 am

Hello Chris
I’m in a kind of different and difficult situation, because my ex is a muslim and I’m a christian. It was a long-distance relationship.
We have been with each other for 1 year and 9 months. He is 19 y.o. and me 18. My ex decided to tell his parents that we were together at the end of our relationship (earlier they knew about me but they thought we were just friends). Later my ex talked with all his family about us). It turned out his dad was furious and he a fight with my ex’s stepmother because she didn’t support dad’s opinion about the relationship. The next day, he came to my ex’s appartement and said if he wouldn’t break up, he would disown him. After that my sister told me “After all what happened now, you have to break up with him.” so with difficulty I let her sent a message saying that this relationship won’t survive. Later he replied with understanding and apologized for his family. A few fays later I decided to message him and while talking asked if we could find a solution for our relationship but he said it rather wouldn’t have sens cuz his dad wouldn’t change his mind and said we can be only friends of forget about each other. I decided not to crowd in on him and said that it was fine then. After he was the only one sending me messages, most of times 1 time a week. 2 months later when he had his birtday I wrote him special bday wishes “Hi B.! I wish you all the best in your birthday! I hope you’re passing your day well and that you got some cool presents. Anyway, I just want to tell you that you’re still someone important to me, and even if we don’t write everyday like we used to do it, I still think about you. I always see our meeting in Paris in my mind, everyday, and I think that the time I spent there with you belongs to one of the best moments of my life. I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t stop to care about you. He replied: Oh ;'( you’re so wonderful thanks so much..just know you’re also always important to me too ok.- After that I said that he was still the same sweet person to me I met 2 years ago, he-” Ah thanks for that too..Well I also strongly believe that I will not or find it easy to find a girl like you again” I told him I felt the same but later we didn’t know what to say so we finished talking. 2 weeks later he messaged me and told me half jokingly that last time he had nightmares that I hadn’t forgiven him yet and wanted to ask me whether I really forgave him. I wanted to say Yes but I couldn’t. I also admited it was still difficult to me to see him just as a friend. Next he was surprised and didn’t know what to say, but after telling me this he added at the end ” I just think you have to accept as it is…” I didn’t reply on this message and decided not to talk with him for a longer time. Almost 4 weeks passed without messaging him or getting a message from him. Finally, 3 weeks ago, he said hi and sent a picture of him with his little brother. We talked for a while and finally decided to tell him that I forgave him. That made him surprised one more time.He- thanks for all ok, we shall always be connected ok”Then he started talking about his broken leg and started wondering whether it was a punishment for hurting me. After this conversation he started to message me every 2nd or 3rd day. Now we talk normally, now maybe a bit less often but.. I don’t know what I can do with that. I really wish I could do something so we could be together again.. I suspect he still feels something but he’s afraid of his family. Now 4 months passed after the break up.

Someone advises me that now it’s time to move on to get healed from him I should cut off all contact with him. She said “say you are still his friend but you have to temporarily cut him off to heal your heart and get over him in a romantic way. Once you are over him – you can be friends. But not before, it won’t work while you are still in love.” What do you think about that? Should I really cut off all the contact on the social media etc. as she said? Is it better to inform him or do it without informing him? and the last question, if I do that, is there any chance I can get him back somehow?
Stephanie

August 17, 2015 at 12:36 am

Hi Chris

I am thinking about doing no contact with my ex. Our breakup is still somewhat fresh and we both have not given each other much space to really sort our emotions out. He told me he wants to make things work but start really slow as “friends” ?? To me it makes no sense. If he claims to still have feelings for me too then why suggest we start as friends? He even gives me the impression that he doesn’t really like talking to me via text, and I’ve asked him to hang out but he declined.
Is he just confused? Or is he playing mind games with me? Or does he just need more time? He says one thing but his actions contradict it. I’ve been guilty of always texting or trying to find a way to meet, so I feel as though i haven’t left any room for him to chase me. My feelings for him are still very strong. And I’ve realized that I can’t be “just friends” with him. I want to try the NC rule. I’m just wondering should i tell him I’m doing this?? He sometimes would initiate contact, and i don’t want him to keeping asking me if I’m okay while I’m trying to do NC, because I’d be tempted to respond…

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 1:46 am

He wants to be friends and start slow because he wants to get to be single and still have you waiting around for him. To bad for him it doesnt work that way. Do not tell him you are doing the no contact rule, Would you show your cards in a hand of poker? It’s the same thing basically 🙂 Change his name in your phone to don’t answer and it will remind you to ignore him while in no contact. Change it back after no contact.

Michelle

August 14, 2015 at 6:52 am

I broke up with my BF 5 months ago who has tried to friend-zone me. I have done NC and then led him along meeting up for a couple of movies (generally anything that minimises conversation). He constantly likes my Facebook updates and will reply to my messages straight away. I am still working my thoughts and feelings out here too.
I recently messaged him to say thanks for taking the time out to attend a function we had both committed to before the breakup and tell/remind him that the Friendzone never really works so to take care.
He came back with a message two weeks later saying that he’d been thinking about my message and couldn’t see any reason why we couldn’t stay friends (btw he was the one who dumped me) and we could still support each other and stay in touch because of the amazing time and adventures that we’d had.
I haven’t responded because I don’t know how/if I should respond. I’m pretty much relationship all or nothing because I know Friendzone is not for me. Honestly, yes, I get that he may never come back and I know that yes, I would definitely salvage our relationship and work to right all the wrongs that happened (we had a communication breakdown).
Any thoughts here would be appreciated.
Thanks

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 3:42 pm

30 days of no contact will help a lot!

Megan

August 12, 2015 at 8:46 pm

Hello.

I’m in a pickle. That evil evil friend zone. Here’s the history…

We’ve known each other since my Senior (his Junior) year of high school (12 years). We were attracted to each other in high school, but he was the shy boy that never made a move, and I was the oblivious girl that was doing her own thing. Fast forward to 2014 – he ends up moving to the same city as me. We re-connect over lunch. We talk back and forth, and there’s defiantly something there. December 2014 rolls around and we end up starting to date. It’s kind of a thing kept under wraps due to my kids and ex. He starts to be come restless with the situation – he wants more. I’m just not ready. He ends up deciding to move to a different state (8 hours away) in March 2015. I was devastated. He told me he’d come back if I’d just say yes to being open. I started working towards that. In June 2015, I told him I was ready. Let’s start figuring it out, and introduce it all slowly (meaning I didn’t want him moving back here tomorrow). It needed to be a transition. He said he understood it, and was okay with it. We end up spending a weekend together in July (first time seeing each other since he moved). It was perfect. We were perfect. The plan was perfect. Then, 5 days later he tells me that he has enrolled in a trade school there, which will keep him there for 2 years, and that he doesn’t know what that will mean for us. I get hysterical. He’s been pushing us and I finally take the leap, and he drops this bomb. We go back and forth. I finally tell him I’ll do the 2 years and we will make it work. Then he doesn’t want to do that because I tell him that I am fine with him having friends that are girls, but would prefer him not hang out with a girl by himself. He says that isn’t fair to him and that he deserves to have friends – I tell him I didn’t say he couldn’t have friends – I simply would prefer him not do activities alone with a girl. He doesn’t get it and wants no compromise. He deletes me from Facebook. My emotional snapping point was when that same day he gives a random note to a girl telling her that she is “Pardon his forwardness, but you are incredibly beautiful.” and writes his number on it. I find all this out from the crazy FB stalking girls seem to have (the girl posted it to her FB and she added him as a friend). I flipped my lid. I was pissed. Hurt. Emotional. You know how we get. I do say some not so nice things in my anger (no excuse). We don’t talk for a couple days and then he tells me that we cannot see us being together. That “us” was totally done for now. He would still like a friendship though – he still wants me as his best friend. I tell him we can try the friend thing, but I don’t think we are capable of being best friends, and in reality, the friendship will fade over time due to us starting to date others, and living our own lives. He gets really really upset at this statement

So he wants me to be his best friend but can’t see us together in the near future (if ever). So he wants my attention but doesn’t want it all? He texts me first thing in the morning, and we text until we both fall asleep. He still calls me my pet name. I’m confused by this entire situation. We went from making plans to this in a matter of a week. Honestly, I feel as if I am entertainment until he finds someone else. Any insight into this man’s mind?!

Megan

August 12, 2015 at 9:06 pm

I will add – yesterday – I just randomly stopped texting him. After about 40 minutes he sent me a text asking “why won’t you talk to me anymore?” I made him wait another 40 minutes before responding.

I know I should try NC, but am nervous that it will in fact drive him away.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:49 pm

If you want to make a change in the current relationship, NC is the best way to get him running back to you.

andrea

August 11, 2015 at 8:13 pm

im in an odd situation. my bf and i were together 8 yrs, and we have a son. neither of us can afford to live on our own so we still live in the same house. he in the basement and me upstairs. i try to do nc as best i can. i dont text, i stay other places on the weekend and try to stay my prettiest so when he does see me i dont look miserable. i try to do my stuff around the house when hes not home. will this method of nc work eventually or am i kidding myself?

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 2:53 pm

It could work. It will be more difficult because you live with him. Can you move to your parents for a bit?
andrea

August 11, 2015 at 8:17 pm

also, i dont initiate any conversations with him, ever.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 2:53 pm

How has he been reacting so far?

ExDDsGirl

August 11, 2015 at 2:29 pm

Do you have any advice for a long term FWB relationship that just ended because he got involved with someone? I know there was love there at least at some point, and he seems to think we’ll just carry on as close friends without the physical relationship. I have no interest in being his friend. Either he wakes up and we’re exclusive, or I’m gone. I’ve entered NC and have gotten messages from him, but not responding yet. I don’t know that 30 days is necessary depending on the depth of his messages, but at least 2-3 weeks and when I do contact him it’s definitely not going to be the accommodating or accessible chick he seems to want.

ExDDsGirl

August 20, 2015 at 12:58 am

“You both know what went wrong, the no contact helps you move past that.”

WOW. That is the deepest and most profound thing I’ve read in any of the relationship guides I’ve ever read (and there’s been a few). Thank you.

I’m declaring my relationship dead. It’s over. It’s gone. It happened and we both made mistakes. In 30 days, I will see him as a clean slate and only react to what he does at that time rather than rehash and solve what’s already past.
Chris Seiter

September 1, 2015 at 11:02 pm

Glad to hear it sounds like your on the right path!
ExDDsGirl

August 19, 2015 at 9:31 am

I’m actually feeling better with a little distance right now. 8 days down…. and he has sent a second email telling me I’m in his thoughts and prayers. I don’t respond because at this point, I don’t have anything to say. When we broke up, I did vent a little (over an email so no yelling, screaming, or crying) and told him that I’d opened my heart mind and soul and feel like he basically took that for himself and decided I wasn’t worth any effort on his part. My last communication to him said that I was trying to focus on the positive things and wished him well. I don’t know that I’ll even want to attempt a recovery in 21-30 days. I know that what I thought we had together is worth the effort, but not if I’m the only one fighting for it. I need to see some reciprocation. Yes, he’s emailed me, but that takes little time or effort. My fear is that when/if I do start with the texting again, that it’ll be too easy for him and that just being light and positive doesn’t really require him to do any work. At what point in the process does it become OK to discuss what went wrong and ask if the person is willing to take steps to work together on making something better?
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 7:10 pm

Ideally you want him to ask you back out, you shouldn’t really bring up what went wrong. You both know what went wrong, the no contact helps you move past that.

You may not want him back after the no contact rule but it will be nice to have the ball in your court.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 4:09 am

Good, I’m glad you don’t want to be his friend. That is important in getting him back.

Try the 21 days of no contact. That should be fine for your situation. When you text him make sure it’s positive and exciting.
ExDDsGirl

August 18, 2015 at 12:21 am

Feeling a little better now because he sent me an email (he doesn’t even have a phone that really texts LOL)… said he was thinking of me and always would. Just the whole thing with us was always him all over me one minute and taking days to respond the next. I go into periods of doubting if I ever meant much if he can just throw it away so easily. I’m hoping it just looks easy and it really isn’t so simple for him.
ExDDsGirl

August 15, 2015 at 2:20 pm

I’ve read through the entire book at this point, and not really feeling confident in any of this. I’m OK with or without him at this point, but I’m not convinced that 30 days without contact is going to make any impact on him other than pissing him off.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 10:49 pm

You can do what you’d like, it is totally up to you. It’s not just the no contact that gets him back, it generally takes couples 3-6 months to get back together after implementing everything in the book. It’s not a fast process. Why aren’t you feeling confident?

Brittany

August 8, 2015 at 7:07 pm

Hi me and my ex broke up 3 months ago after a very heated argument I cheated on him with someone else and began dating him right after the break up but the relationship did not last long only dated for two months I started missing my ex but I did not want to contact him first. We texted a few times but nothing serious so I decided to visit this site and after the NC I reached out to him but he said that he would rather be friends and is dating someone else should I just move on?

Chris Seiter

August 8, 2015 at 8:08 pm

Hi Brittany,

That is totally up to you, what you’d like to do with your situation. If you want to try to get him back listen to the EBR 20 Podcast “How to get your ex boyfriend back if you cheated.” Please let me know if you need help with anything else.

Saz

August 7, 2015 at 1:29 am

Hi Chris,

I know I’m only 16, but I have genuinely found the love of my life… Lets call him Jim.

We broke up a few months ago and at first I thought I was okay with it, I mean we were still close friends, and this gave me an opportunity to get with the guy I had had my eye on for a while… And so ensued the cute date with the “boy of my dreams” and like so many cheesy American movie he really wasn’t all he was cracked up to be… Like, you can’t even imagine how much of a complete and utter c**k he is! Lets call this boy Bob.

Well, after I realized how much of a w4Nk3r Bob was I decided to have a serious look at how naive and shallow I had been. Upon reflection I realized just how complete Jim makes me feel. How he understands me in a way no-one ever has and how even after countless opportunities to, I never trusted any enough to let them past the barrier… Jim was the first and only person who I have ever trusted. He’s different.

Boys have often made attempts to grope me and touch me, and I always defend myself and break a few fingers in doing so. But Jim is the only person I have ever trusted to have complete control over me. I’d let him touch me, hold me however he wanted, kiss just about anywhere 😉 I mean, I couldn’t even let my best female friend put her hand on my knee without freaking out, and here I was in this boys room, topping him, snogging his face off and letting him put his hand where ever!

Any way, after Bob, I decided to have a little chatette with Jim. We talked and in the end both agreed that we still want those moments and on our friends suggestions became “make-out buddies.” This deal is amazing! Totally, super hot snog fests as and when, no strings attached. But we are both 16, and I’m going 17 soon and yeah… we’re old enough… if ya get me.

I read this and decided to try and get him back, because I love him (and I have never used the l- word before about anyone) and I know we both want to be each others firsts. But it doesn’t feel right not being together and wanting to do that… So I tried this NC thing and withing just 2 weeks s**t got real.

My depression started to surface and my sleep pattern went crazy. Also my suicidal thoughts came back. and I really don’t wanna go back on meds. but I don;t want the first thing I say to the only person who can help me, to be needy, and smothering, and intense because it’ll just scare him away and make him realize how much better off without me his, and how much of a drag I am and I don’t quite know what to do…

Please help me…
Heather

July 23, 2015 at 3:27 pm

Hello,
About a week ago yesterday my boyfriend told me he has been thinking of me as a friend lately and thought that we should just be friends. He called me up in the morning to tell me. The thing is he seemed completely find the day before asking if i wanted to do something with his family again. Which I’m always down for, his family is great. However i thought things were going great for a while. a couple weeks before i went to one of his family gatherings with him and everything was great there too. but right after when i got home he was saying how maybe we should be friends and junk because we didn’t see each other all summer, which is my fault because of my paranoia of asking my family to hang out even though they will let me. So i knew he was thinking about it for a while but i just thought things were okay we went on two dates to the movies, one was with a group of friends and the other was just us and it was the friday because he said he wanted to be friends. I’ve been so down lately because of all of this to the point where it hurts physically. (i am not trying to sound cliche) but i really think he is the one for me and i for him. there are so many things that make us work. So the other day i asked him, not pleading, but i said “do you know why you thought of me as a friend?” and he replied “i really don’t know…” i then asked what he was actually feeling about all this and he replied “i was sad that it was over, but I’m happy we can still talk” it went on for a little bit longer but it just kept making my heart sink more.. we always talked a lot via and in school when we could but text was our main communication or sometimes Skype. but i usually started the conversation which i was totally fine with and he apologized that he never started them. even now we talk everyday but its not as much. usually we start a short conversation and then its dropped. i want to try the no contact method but I’m afraid it will make him think I’m not interested anymore or that he won’t really care to respond. but i decided last night that i wasn’t going to text him all day today to see if anything happens. when i was texting him before about what went wrong he told me that he wanted to feel like he did when we first started dating..and its my fault i didn’t ask him to hang out more…
Aisling the Confused

July 23, 2015 at 9:36 am

I left a comment on some other things and forget which ones but my situations evolved.
We were together almost 2 years and the past two months no sexual things at all. Then he breaks up saying he sees me as a sister, a friend. Then I do NC after a day and a half and he’s like just checking in you OK, whyd you ignore me, I don’t know how you’re sleeping or coping pls respond ASAP. Then he didn’t speak to me after that, I said dw and I’m not comfortable talking. He said be understood and like a week later he didn’t text. I got crazed as I really want him back. I texted a lot but no response and I got worried, he was the one who was happy to talk and I thought something happened. He eventually said km good don’t worry. By them I felt emotionally stable and I’m not too bothered about being friends or lovers. One or the other suits me now. I said I’m ready to be friends if you are, he said not quite yet sorry. WHY THE HELL end it over the friendzone then do that? I was just like I’m telling you my life story about the NC rule, because I think my feelings have evolved. I didn’t say the latter. I just was like I was doing NC so uoud miss me. He was like I think it’s best not to contact for now. WHAT HAPPENED?
Mehreen

July 12, 2015 at 1:49 pm

I am in friendzone. He brokeup with me after three years of relationship by giving me the reason that he can’t merry me in future but he don’t want to loss me because i am his best friend . I am in strain i cant live with him as friend because each and every time i used to remember that days of relationship. I want to get out from friendzone and seriously i don’t want to get him back , he broke my trust and i don’t want to trust him again . Please guide me the way to get out from the friendzone and leave him without creating mess … he is so good as a friend and i have no reason to finish our friendship
Please help .

Adele

July 29, 2015 at 2:59 pm

Mehreen, I’d use Chris’s rule of no contact for 30 days! I am in exact same situation, he came back but says NO to relationship, let’s be friends! We have to position ourselves strong here, No relationship = No friendship!

Confused

June 16, 2015 at 9:30 pm

Was I put in the friend zone? We weren’t yet in an official relationship because we had this strong immediate connection on our one date (he got on a plane to go home the next date), so we wrote each other every day and talked a few times, but then I went to visit and we spent two amazing weeks together. It was heaven. We kissed and cuddled nonstop and he went out of his way to do so much for me, to be so caring and sweet. I have never felt so loved, gotten so much attention. But then I got super clingy after leaving (we had no plan to see each other again, I had no idea if we would, and I missed him so much). His work got completely insanely overwhelming. Then a week after I got back, he sent me a message saying I was caring and attractive/hot to him but he didn’t want to lead me on and didn’t feel a full-on romantic connection.

Of course I stupidly tried to continue our texts and emails but I’m sure it just came off as desperate. So I stopped and now I’m doing NC.

How do I know if I should reconnect with a nice sweet memory text, or the enticing/romantic one?

What do I do? Do I even have a chance?
Julia

June 12, 2015 at 9:46 pm

Hi. I did no contact and I used the texts correctly and we met to catch up and it was all wonderful, but I think he is putting me in the friendzone. He definitely is treating me like just a friend. He doesnt seem romantically interested in me at all though he is very friendly and all. It’s like he has fallen out of love with me. And I dont want to bring up anything about a relationship incase that scares him away or brings back old negative feelings. What should I do? Please help me 🙁 We had dumped me 3 months ago because I betrayed him. We were together for almost a year.

I definitely can not do no contact again as he already feels that I only contact him when its convenient for me and it is very selfish. He is a very strong character and if I attempt no contact again he will cut me out of his life for sure. Is no contact really the only way if he is putting me in the friendzone? Is there no other way? Please help. Thank you.

Ally

July 7, 2015 at 8:23 pm

Hello Chris,
I need some serious advice. I just got out of a relationship with my ex but I was the one who ended the relationship. The day after we broke up he asked me to come over to his house to discuss the situation on why I wanted to end it. We talked for a couple hours and he agreed and said, “we should just be friends”. However he was making little hints that we would get back together. For example he said many times, “who knows maybe the second time our relationship will be much better.” My question is should I follow the no contact rule with him or should I actually keep,contact with him and only talk to him as I do my other friends. Or should I wait for him to contact me if he does. I’m really confused because the last couple of weeks we were together I always initiated contact with him by calling, texting, or asking to see him. So I feel like his response about a second try at a relationship is a lost cause. I also work with him ( I know you shouldn’t date a coworker) and there have been many times I would,look out the corner of my eye and catch him looking at me during the whole day. I really could use some advice on how to handle the situation both inside and outside of work. I feel as if he really doesn’t want to get back together with me unless he can’t find someone else.

Patti D

June 12, 2015 at 5:15 am

THIS IS PATTI D PART 2. My ex was living with his wife but also told me they were skating on thin ice. Of course we didn’t look like the hot, young things we were before, but he was still tall & nice looking & so was I (although we had both put on weight, me more than him). We started talking to each other everyday & soon, could not end the day without talking to each other when our spouses weren’t around. We didn’t feel we were doing anything wrong. because we were just talking, no sex, & were just becoming very good friends. Well, everyone can guess what happened. Fast forward again to now, to 2015. We are both separated from our spouses (not because of our relationship, but because we had horrible partners), and beside talking to each other, we had started going out to dinner, movies, went on a few trips (no sex involved ad we are both very religious & still legally married). But, now I am in the friend zone with him as we have become deeply emotionally involved with each other over the past few years, & cannot completely stay away from each other. He was treated horrible by his wife and I nursed him through it. He is very hurt and although he has sent me so many mixed messages (I have done so many No Contacts so many times) and he goes crazy every time trying to woo me back. He told me he loved me finally a few weeks ago, but still says he considers me his best friend. I am very much in love with him but he always says best friends have the best relationships when they commit. He says he can’t commit to anyone right now becuz he’s going through a bad battle with his wife over their divorce. We are no spring chickens and time is passing. He acts like he can’t live without me as I’ve tried to tell him to get lost , but he always texts me with pictures of women he befriends on Facebook to make me jealous & contact him. I might wait (I’ve even done up to 40 days ignoring him), but I always wind up calling him after all (he was also very sick at one time, and I feel sorry for him). WHAT DO I DO? This man was and is the love of my life. but he has put me in the friend zone, only with promises of us probably getting back together in the future. He even talks of the places he plans to take me (Hawaii, Europe, cruises, etc.) in the future. But I want to get out of the friend zone NOW. Neither one of us are dating anyone, and I guess it’s a tell-tale sign he’s not interested in anyone because he has STUPID ME to rely upon. I finally told him to get lost again a few days ago, and he has already called & left a message that I “left something in his car” and to call him. I haven’t called him back and don’t intend to for awhile. But I know he will text me with a sweet message to get me to contact him. I need to get away from him because I know I’m headed for heartbreak. I am not going to continue his friend zone/game zone pawn. I think he tells me what he thinks I want to hear sometimes, even telling me that he loves me. I know I need to leave him alone and move on. Should I see where it goes or tell him to kick rocks? It’s been 5 years for him, two years for me since we separated from our spouses. HELP!
Patti D

June 12, 2015 at 4:26 am

This one is a doozy & should be made into a The Notebook kind of movie. My ex-boyfriend and I met almost 40 years ago (yes, we are in our early 60s but look good & still semi-rockin’ it). We were in our mid-20s & both of us were married & extremely attractive. We took one look at each other and BOOM, we fell madly in love. We wound up leaving our spouses for each other, and after seven years of an on-again, off-again relationship we broke up for good. I was devastated, but he seemed to move on easily, so I thought. He was very good-looking & a womanizer, but I was crazy for this bad boy. Fast forward to 2008, we hadn’t seen each other in years., but he had kept in touch with my parents, who invited him to their 58th wedding anniversary dinner. We met again at that dinner and we were both so happy to see each other! It felt like BOOM again, as I had considered him my one true love. As fate would have it, both of us were married, but exchanged phone numbers. Then, the everyday phone calls started & we were older & more sophisticated, & we coulf talk & laugh about everything — very stimulating conversations with each other. It was amazing that we had both changed so overwhelmingly & were talking without fighting as we did when we were younger. We admitted that we had married some awful people & had made big mistakes. My husband turned into an alcoholic & drug addict,
Toya

May 28, 2015 at 5:46 am

Hello,

My ex and I started off as friends but quickly turned into something more. We would see each other often and text all day. ….then that turned into one a week and texting sometimes. He went a feel days without texting and when I asked if everything was ok, he broke up with me. He reason went from I was nagging him, which isn’t true, to he doesn’t have time to spend with me because he’s so busy. Now he says he doesn’t feel comfortable with me because I’m weird (as he laughed). He wants to be friends and I want to work things out. What should I do???

Toya

May 28, 2015 at 5:47 am

Sorry for the typos

Nicole

May 28, 2015 at 3:02 am

But I just told him we could be friends. We talk everyday or at least a couple times a week about life, laugh & go our separate ways.

Won’t it be rude to do NC after agreeing that we could be friends?
Chelsi

May 21, 2015 at 2:53 am

Hey Chris my name is Chelsi and I met this guy awhile back through my dad. We connected right away and the spark between us was so strong and I’ve never felt that before. We’ll anyways one night I went to his parents house with my dad and he asked me to come watch a movie so I did. When it was time for me to leave I started to get up but he grabbed my arm gently and said “stay”. After that night we began dating. We’ll long story short he dumped me and won’t tell me why and now it’s been a year and I still love him. We text almost every day but he said he wants to stay friends but his friends tell me they think he still wants to be with me. I don’t know what I did to make him not want to date me ever again but I’m hoping it might happen.

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:55 pm

Do you have any idea what caused him to break up with you?

Surely you have a guess.

« Previous 1 … 12 13 14 15 16 … 27 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”