What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Gil

February 5, 2020 at 12:54 am

When we first started talking we didnt expect that we would end up together. But after 2 months things got pretty serious and we were saying i love you. We did everything together. And as a consequence also didnt have time for other friends. I had to go on military deployment. We knew about this 4 months into talking. Again 2 months in things got good. A year after being together i left for six months. We talked every day but it was hard. And i loves you became scarce and eventually they stopped saying it all together. Im finally back home but that forst night they cried. They said how hard it had been. That its like they were left with no one. And they started talking to another person just for comfort. And that person made a move and they shot it down. They also got contacted by their ex. They talked to a pro about what they were feeling and how low they felt. All of this unbeknown to me. Until that night i got home. Now were in a weird limbo. I love them so much and theyre not sure what they feel anymore. The spark died and they dont know if it will come back. We live together. And im trying to give some space but were still doing everything together. They said the spark could come back and they arnt looking for other people but if something happens it happens. I cant go nc because we live together. Both of us said we dont want to lose the other.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 9:11 pm

Hey Gil, there is one thing you need to know. To be able to make your ex fear they are losing you, you have to be willing to lose your ex. While living together you need to follow a Limited no contact rule. So you avoid speaking with your ex unless its important and you have to speak about rent, shared bills or issues of some sort. The rest of the time you stay away from your ex. Do not share a bed and do not give your ex any physical or emotional support while you are still broken up

mozella bell

December 28, 2019 at 1:49 pm

So i found out on fb that my guy was in 90 day relationship with another person. I called him out on it, and he tells me essentially that i was delusional about he and i being in any type of relationship. However, earlier that day (b4 i saw the fb) he was like i love you, i want to spend time with you, i got u a Christmas present, ect.

So after that debacle, i didn’t contact him for 5 days. I contacted him first to ask about the present exchange. We talked (text) and he’s like i know you’re doing big things so i don’t want to be a distraction to you, let’s just be friends.

My question is: we hadn’t exchanged gifts yet, so would i go into no contact starting now for 30 days or more?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 2, 2020 at 11:35 pm

Start your no contact the day after you last spoke with your ex, and keep to it for the whole 45 days. As for the fact he called you delusion to the idea that you were in a relationship. That behavior is disrespectful especially if you have been spending time together as a couple for a few months. I would work on yourself for some time, return the gift, or give it to someone else and focus on yourself for some time. Leaving him on the outside looking in on how great you are, and happy with out him in your life

INNA

December 17, 2019 at 6:13 pm

Hello! Sorry for my English, I write from Germany.
I know a guy for years and we have met and were in an unofficial relationship, more like a maybe-we get-together-relationship, back then in 2012 for ca. 6 Months. I was very clingy the whole time. I know he likes me and like my look. But I don’t think that I am a challenge for him. Then we have no contact for a few months. Then in 2013 again we were on and off for a few months. Then we were just friends, but I want to be together with him. We went for coffee dates two years ago and he was flirting with me a little bit back then, but then he showed me the friendzone. He had studied and worked broad at that time.
Then, after this date, a few days later, he was in jail because of marihuana for almost 2 years. Now he is free again and we write each other on Facebook. I have called his family when he was in jail and so he called me back when he was free.
Now we have write with each other for 3 months, since September, and I have asked him for a coffee, but he had told me that he is always tired from work.
Maybee i have asked him too early. And further, he wrote with me like a friend would do.
In the last conversation we have written about Women and he told me that he loves women and hopes that one day when he have the right one he could not love the other women anymore.
And he asked me why I do t have an boyfriend, that I am good looking and all the boys would like having me, and that he don’t understands, why I am so long single. The discussion have been going further..then I wrote that he can’t say that he knows me (he have said that I am a very good soul) and I got angry with him. And he have said that why it bothers me what other people think? And that Im a Great Human bering and very beautiful, intelligent…and if I am still interested in him, and that he thinks I am. I have told him: you have woken me up! Now I have to see, if I am interested or not anymore“
My question is: how I can make me more interesting for him? Should I give up, walk away? Was this good, the last, what i have wrote to him ?
Should I send him per fb greetings for Christmas/new year ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 5:35 pm

Hi Inna, so to make him more interested in you, you need to work on becoming the Ungettable girl – this information can be found on this website. Do not reach out over the holidays if you are in no contact, or if it is coming to an end, extend until after the new year celebrations are over

Meity

December 16, 2019 at 11:58 am

I just broke up again last nite, we broke up earlier and he asked to get back, after 5months, he broke up on me again. I feel really bad, but don’t text him. Today suddenly he text like nothing happen, i made sure what he want and expected from texting me again also what are we now, he said we are old friends now. Just last nite he said to me never come back, today act like old friends. I did tell him, things can’t be that instant like flicking fingers, he just said okay.
What should i do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 16, 2019 at 11:47 pm

Go into a No Contact now and ignore your ex for a minimum of 45 days

Annie

November 4, 2019 at 5:07 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday over text. We had been dating for two months before that, and I think that we might have just moved things a little fast. We were happy for the entire time, but I noticed he was acting less interested in me the entire week before, I decided to ignore this. I feel I may have come on a little strong when I would text him, but this was because as time passed, he took longer and longer to respond. I felt as if I was to clingy when I texted him. When the end of that week came I asked to hang out with him or something that weekend. He didn’t respond, the text didn’t even come up as read. Later that day I tried calling him and no response, this happened for three days. That Sunday I started to ask on of his friends if he was ok, he said he seemed fine the previous day when he talked to him, but he would ask. That night I got no response from his friend or him, so I sent one last text, saying I was sorry if I did anything wrong. he responded an hour later saying how his phone was taken away from him that weekend, so that’s why he didn’t respond. Then in the next sentence he said he was breaking up with me, that I didn’t do anything wrong, he just didn’t like me the same as he did when we first started dating. He just didn’t want to lead me on and lie to me. He said he still would like to stay friends, but if I didn’t want to, then he would understand. I decided to take a day off of school to get over this, but I will be back after today, I texted my friend at school who had the same class as him and asked if he seemed ok today and she said he seemed ok at school and was even talking to her more than normal, I don’t know if I should take this as a good or bad sign.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 4:18 pm

Hi Annie so him talking to your friend is not really that relevant in the situation because he is just being friendly. So you need to read up on a situation called limited no contact and you can still remain work the program but not be the same as you were with him. Read up a few articles that apply to your situation so that you have all the knowledge you need

Alexa

October 18, 2019 at 3:01 pm

We’ve dated for almost a year. We had a strong mental connection, our values are in-lined. I’m the best person he’s been with. And he is to me too. I know and he knows since we were open about our past relationships before continuously dating. This person has changed me for the better and added value to my life. I loved him and I still do. We just broke up and I escalated it.

This past months, I noticed he’s always felt irritated and tired but he still goes out with me. He became lazy in texting but he answers text and calls whenever I initiate. I asked him he’s ok. He said he’s ok physically but mentally and emotionally not so much. He didn’t want to talk much about it. And weeks continued and we still went out together. Then I got angry and bursted out a long message stating my concerns and what I noticed about him. He didn’t respond. I called, he answered and he said he doesn’t know what to respond to me. And I asked him again the next day about his answer and I still got the same response. The following day, I did it again. He said he now has a response but to talk about it in person.

We finally met and he broke up with me. He said he’s confused of his feelings and he’s not ready to commit and it seems committment is what I want now and he’s afraid he can’t give it. He told me I’m the best girlfriend he had. He told me good qualities about myself that I already know but he said I have this one trait that he’s not fond of and he’s not sure he could stay in the long run and he’s basing this on past experience. He was still attentive and offered that we could still see each other if it helps me. This broke me coz I don’t want to be just his friend. Do you think there’s still a chance we will get back together? In the future? Or I ruined my chance when I begged to continue?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 7:53 pm

You haven’t ruined your chances no you do need to stick to a NC now though. As for the trait that hes said you have that makes him not able to see a future with you – is this true? is it something that is negative about your? Can it be changed? If the answer is No then I would consider that hes looking for excuses to walk away

Adriana

October 2, 2019 at 4:52 pm

Hi
My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago, and I am planning on doing the no contact rule for 30 days. In 30 days I want to ask him to go see a movie or dinner or something. I’ve seen in the replies that it might not be a good idea to talk about fixing the relationship on the first day seeing each other. When would be a good time to have that conversation?
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 2, 2019 at 6:14 pm

Hi Adriana, you don’t bring up the previous relationship at all you focus on the now, you also don’t want to be asking him out on a date so soon either. You need to read about the value chain and work through that information that will explain the process to you properly

Madilyn

May 3, 2019 at 5:17 pm

Hello, I recently started to feel a lot of distance between my boyfriend and I. We’ve been together for 2 years. I noticed his distance and would ask if everything was okay and he would tell me it’s all good. He started a new job recently and started taking another class so I assumed with his busy schedule we just haven’t taken that one on one time we need. He has been skipping all of his classes and doesn’t have motivation to sign up for more classes for next semester. I could tell something was up but I blamed it all on our schedules. We spent a day together last week and it made me very uncomfortable that he was treating me like a friend. I then text him once we went our own way and said “I have a bad gut feeling that you’re going to breakup with me.” He replied and said he’s not going to but lately he’s been seeing me as more of a friend. He then called and we were able to talk about it. He said he has moments where he’s not attracted to me because he sees me as a friend but those feelings aren’t consistent. He also said he has moments where he gets a little annoyed of me but there’s nothing specific that’s triggering it. We only see each other 2 or 3 times a week so I don’t feel as though I’m smothering him. I suggested that we spend two weeks away from each other without contact or hanging out with each other. He hesitated and said he doesn’t want to breakup with me because he doesn’t want to regret it later on. He said we could try staying away from each other for one week but he would still like to talk to me. I agreed to it. This week has been so hard just rethinking each moment I was around him that I could’ve annoyed him. He has been texting me but it’s only 10-15 messages a day. There is no talk about our situation or our relationship. Everything has been “hows work” “how’s school”, all very short messages. I’m not sure what steps to be taking to fix this. I felt that I needed to give him space so we could start fresh and he could see me as his girlfriend. I also can’t tell if there’s something in his life that he’s dealing with that’s distancing him from everything like school, his friends, and me. I can’t tell if this is his problem or if I’m the problem.
Rose

April 12, 2019 at 6:46 pm

Hi, I would like to know if you can help me with that. My ex and I were together for a bit over 3 months (I am 34, he is 44). He left me because he said he is too busy and don’t have time for me (We have both a busy life so we would see each other once or twice per week. We would text constantly, every day and talk on the phone all the time, send each other pictures etc).
He said that I am a good girl, I have lots of positive stuff happening in my life, career etc. but I am not the girl for him. He said he wants to keep in touch and stay friends and go for lunch soon.
I am very hurt because a month a half ago he said that he thinks he found that I was the one. But I believe I pushed him away with my behavior (insecure, anxiety, always complaining and often crying) I got divorced a year ago and I still have panic attacks due to my previous relationship, because it was an abusive one.
I don’t know what to do, he is the best guy I have been with and I feel like I will never find someone as good as him.
I am getting help for my mental health because I have trouble sleeping, etc. I think all that turned him off. Also, we don’t have children. We agreed that we want one at first in 3-5 years, then I said I do not want one, then I kept changing my mind about it. I think he just got tired of me talking about all my problems and he felt that he had to reassure me all the time. What should I do? I am very desperate.

Chris Seiter

April 13, 2019 at 1:44 am

Hang in there Rose! YOu will find a lot of support on this site. Its best to have an ex recovery plan, so visit my site to explore my Program and tap into all of the resources.

Alice

April 12, 2019 at 3:06 pm

Hello,
Me and my ex were on and off for about a year and a half. About 2 months ago we agreed to go our separate ways and I did a month no contact. Since then I reached out and we have built up a good rapport of texting all the time and we have met up once, however it seems I am well and truly stuck in the friend zone. I reached out to him to initiate contact again however people always say ‘don’t mention the breakup, don’t mention feelings’ etc but by doing that he has now got the impression I simply wanted to reignite a friendship. He even said to me ‘ maybe we can use our past mistakes to learn from in our future relationships’ so I don’t know where to go from here. Do I continue to text and build rapport or by doing so am I just keeping myself in the friendzone and getting him used to us simply just being friends? There isn’t much advice on this transition anywhere, because me bringing up feelings or getting back together at any point may completely scare him off but now we are back in contact and it’s positive I don’t see the point in stopping? Please help!
Jessica

March 2, 2019 at 9:33 pm

Hi my ex and I have been broken up for 2 months already. We had been together for 5 years. I initiated the break up the first time on December 30th. It all started when we had gone out to dinner one night (november) he got pulled over got arrested with a dui (3rd dui for him). After that he started acting distant due to the stress and him facing jail time. So, during November and december he was distant he wouldn’t come around as often, we didnt text as much it just was not the same. At first he told me it was time to let go that i was gonna suffer by me being with him since he could face a year in jail. I told him it didnt matter that i would be there to support him no matter what. He had me so confused on were we stood on the relationship for those two months of November and December. So, on early December i had gone to an interview which i didnt mention to him for the reason that we were not texting as much as before. So, i missed work and went to the interview. That same afternoon he comes to my apartment he asked me if i had gone to work and i just said that i hadn’t gone to work. He then asked me where i was and i didnt reply because i didnt feel like i owed him an explanation since i didnt know the status of our relationship. So, i just decided to tell him that i had gone to an interview. He got mad im sure he assumed the worst he said why couldn’t i just say it. I just stayed quiet I didn’t wanna argue so he left mad. I didnt hear from him for 2 weeks he then comes to my apartment and is just playing with my daughters he tried to talked to me but i just gave him short responses, it just was ackward and i was still confused on our relationship. He asked me for a hug and I said no, so he leaves. Again, didnt hear from him for two weeks, knocks on door but this time I didnt let him in. He told me he had come to see the girls but i said you need to stop coming. He tells me how he wants to be there for my girls as a father figure and that he woud not come around a lot he just wanted to be there for them. I told him he didnt have to that they’ve always had me. I told him that was not a good idea that its best for him to move on. He asked me if thats what i wanted. But, i said that he was the one who wanted this from the beginning . So, he leaves angry again. I went NC for 30 days. I contacted him at the end of January. I told him that we missed him that if there was any hope in working things out if not to just ignore my message. He answered with only friends and thats it if i can respect his decision and that if i didn’t accept what he wanted to stop talking to each other. Of course, i didnt accept his offer to being friends. So, after that i just went NC again for the month of February but i kept him blocked for the reason that i didnt want to be tempted to text him also to help me recover because i feel like he really meant what he said. I feel like this is it. I feel like i am trying to accept that it is actually over for good. It all started when he got arrested on 3rd dui he was pushing me away, coming around and having me confused and i felt like i had to put my foot down. What do you suggest i do? Just completely move on right??
Masia

February 9, 2019 at 12:55 am

I wonder if you would be able to help with a friendzone situation with a guy who isn’t an ex (although it’s also true we have hooked up twice and he then decided to be friends).

I’ve met an incredible guy, we have loads of things in common, we laugh together and tease each other a lot, and we have great conversations. There’s only one problem – he is quite hung up on someone else.

He and I recently hooked up and he asked me to come see him again and do it again. However, he then changed his mind and said he feels guilty doing anything with me because he has feelings for someone else.
He has told me that he finds me attractive and gets along with me and if he had met me before he knew her, he would probably be interested, but that he is too into her to date anyone else or really feel much for anyone else at the moment and “isn’t in the headspace to get involved”. He wants to keep talking and hanging out, but just as friends. The other girl initially had some interest in him but she has now told him she doesn’t want to pursue anything with him. I think he’s still hoping.

I’m not sure what to do here. I REALLY like this guy. Do I just stay friends with him and wait for him to get over her, since it doesn’t look like things will go anywhere with him and her? Or do i disappear for a while and reappear down the line? Do no contact for a while and establish a friendship later? How do i get an edge over her? I’m not sure.
Michelle

December 15, 2018 at 7:58 pm

Hello
Your blog is really helpful and informative. I’m currently stuck in the dreaded friendzone and I have no idea how to get out of it. My relationship ended after 2 and a half years – it was a passionate, loving and serious relationship – we had agreed to marriage and had met each other’s families. I moved abroad a year ago (2 years into the relationship) for grad school and 6 months away saw us fighting with each other constantly – mostly time difference and miscommunication; I felt he deprioritized talking to me and I would be mean to him to hurt him and after a while he stopped pursuing me and making up. The whole thing just disintegrated like that, even though we we were still in love and still spoke about a shared future all the time when we were not fighting. It has been 6 months since the break up – even though I regretted ending the relationship (it was an in the heat of the moment thing, where I really just wanted to end the fight but told him it’s over) and apologized immediately – he wouldn’t have it. So I backed off for about 2 months, sending him a “I miss you” or “thinking of you” text every few weeks, but no hounding him with calls or texts. I called him 2 months later and we spoke and he said he still had feelings for me but didn’t want to get back together. Since then, we’ve been in fairly regular contact, speaking on the phone for an hour 2-3 times a week, but it has always been me who has initiated the conversation. He speaks to me warmly and we talk about everything and our families but never in a romantic way. I’m visiting home after a year in a few weeks and was hoping to ask him if he wanted to meet up and that by seeing each other, would bring back some of his romantic feelings for me. Do you think that could work? And do you have any advice for me? I am grateful that he’s a part of my life, but I love him deeply and want him back but I can’t go on being his friend forever. Hope to hear from you!
Samantha

October 3, 2018 at 11:49 am

Hello,

I was on and off with my ex and it reached to a point where I had to try the no contact rule because I truly do love him and I know he does too but, I guess during the time being with him I was very obsessed with him in which I lost my self and who I was. Being the girl that was always clingy I guess pushed him away. When we first started talking and dating, I did play hard to get which is correct in what you said guys tend to want what they can’t have. So I pursue this no contact rule the beginning of September. It’s been a month and he hasn’t contacted me nor have I. However, my mutual friend of ours recently sent me a conversation that he had with my ex and he told him he wants to be friends with me but doesn’t know how, and my friend told him that he needs to figure out what he really wants because he’s been thinking that I don’t love him anymore and how I don’t miss him. So my friend arranged a day for all of us to meet up. Now reading everything you’ve said, I’m not sure meeting with him is a good idea, I’m not sure what to do at this point. I want him back but I still don’t know if this reason to being friends is to start back and build something to become something more.What should I do ?

Chris Seiter

October 5, 2018 at 2:43 am

Hi Samantha!

Well , the meet up could work. Just think little steps. Avoid relationship talk. Just enjoy the moments and don’t put pressure on yourselves or try to figure it all out.

Sik

August 7, 2018 at 2:56 pm

After 5 months my boyfriend disappeared for a little over 24 hours with zero contact, of course frantic and worried something happened I was blowing his phone up and texting him. A day later I texted him that I just needed to know he was okay. He replied with a thumbs up and nothing further until the following day again where he messaged me and said he wishes me the best but feels like I’m not over my ex. My ex I have not spoken to in over a year and have no interest in being with him. But I had recently attended a birthday party I was invited to for one of his family members, so he was there. We did not say a word to each other. My boyfriend lives in a different state and he had been trying to move here, and doesn’t believe that will be able to happen now and I think he’s feeling guilty about that. He’s got a ton of stress and changes going on in his life now and he says he wants to still talk to me and remain friends but that right now he needs some time. Do you think the NC would push him further away? Like he would see it as I didn’t care about him to check and see how he’s doing with all he is going through.
Amber

May 3, 2018 at 11:41 pm

I dated a guy for 2 months and even met his parents. Then he got scared and ran away. Needed space. Said he had too much baggage in his life that it would hurt me. Just best to not date anyone. I left him alone for a week. Sent him a text that was encouraging and thoughtful and basically me trying to wish him well. And from then on I’ve been friend zoned for 3 months. As far as I can tell. He’s done what he’s said. Not dated anyone. Tried to get his life straight but I’m still on the side lines. Friendly flirty text. I’ll initiate meeting for food. He eventually says yeah. Grab dinner. You can tell he’s still attracted to me. Flirts heavy with me but doesn’t do anything. Nothing sexual happens. No sleeping together. Hugs and a kiss and we separate for another month or so just snapping and texting about a lot of nothing… Im to the point that it’s hurting my dating life bc I still want him. I compare New guys I date to him. He just recently got an idea that I must be meeting or going on dates with men. Showed jealousy through comments, but nothing. I’m not with anyone and I still want him and I need to either let him go or snag him back. Trying no contact. I can not run into him bc I won’t be moving to his side of town for another month. So he snapped and messaged me this morning. I have not opened them… I’m going to attempt what your telling me. I’ve recently lost weight, really gotten looking good in a bikini and he’s mentioned it several times about seeing my Facebook pictures of me at the lake. So I’m going to continue to work out. Post pictures and not respond to him…. wish me luck. If you see anything wrong with what I’m doing let me know.

Chris Seiter

May 4, 2018 at 3:04 am

Great job Amber…and good luck. And if you need some ongoing support, consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. Lots of synergy there. I do weekly live webcast with the Group!
Amber

May 7, 2018 at 12:11 am

Update. He continued to send jokes on messenger the following two days. The third day he finally text me and said “I snapped you the other day…..”. I never responded. The following day is today in which he reached out to the mutual friend that had set us up and said “I don’t think your friend is talking to me anymore…. and also said he needed to go to the doctor bc he doesn’t feel like he can satisfy women anymore emotionally or sexually … and then also said that he’s tired of living the single party life“ she told me she said “ you told me that before and I set you up. Amber is a good girl and you treated her like crap. And you broke up with her and was scared to commit”… she said he said “Yeah okay … I guess I need to just focus on my job and write finding someone off. I’m just going to stay single forever”……. He’s doing the pity party stuff.. He broke up with me in January and after a week or so we’ve basically talked and I’ve been his person he flirts with but doesn’t actually date ever since. I’m in the weird ex friendzone. I want you but don’t zone… SO pertaining to me. Do I need to text him back. Say anything? Do I need to say you stuck me in the friendzone and was stringing me along for last three months after we broke up…. or do I just continue to not say a word. Continue till 30 days… then I thought about going to a local bar him and his friends have drinks at that he’s seen me at before. And just bump into him after the 30 Days up … So Continue no contact? Or say something? As you can see he’s the scared of relationships kinda person. Been burned a lot. I’m not the type of girl he’s dated before and he knows it. Said it a billion times so I know I have value to him… but I can’t keep doing this weird friend zone dating thing. He needs to be in or out. I’m just trying to make sure the no contact rule is correct and if I should continue it. And if it will cause damage if I keep it up. I just know I don’t want to be his friend. We can’t keep up that weird relationship. It hurts me.
Chris Seiter

May 7, 2018 at 12:48 am

OK….maybe try something different. Reach out and tell him the obvious. That you are getting all these messages from him and are not sure what to make of it. Then ask, what do you really, really want from me and please be honest.

Whatever he tells you might just give you more insight as to whether you want to invest anymore time and interest in this person.
Amber

May 7, 2018 at 1:53 am

Thank you….. something just told me that he’s interested but scared to death… and I’m not sure hardcore actions are required bc they may make him hide in a shell and turn our relationship into some of his old ones. Where the girl goes psycho and plays games. I’m not a game player and he knows that…. but I think your right. I’ve got his attention. Now tell me what you want and if it’s not me then thanks. I’ll see you around. Obviously I’ll be gentle but firm and honest with it like you suggested
Chris Seiter

May 7, 2018 at 3:29 am

Hi Amber..always great to hear from you! Look…I think you are on to something. His behavior suggest he is indeed interested and has some fear working inside some of his emotions. The root cause of his fear is unclear. Maybe he has a somewhat insecure attachment style regarding romantic relationships. Maybe he gives into an impulsive nature to reach out to you because in the back of his mind, he knows the relationship is unfinished. Our subconscious or whatever one wants to call it, knows things before we figure it all out. So he needs to wrestle with drawing in own what he really wants….he is dancing all around it and confusing and irritating you. But we can’t live in fear. We have to break away from it. He has to learn that. So maybe with a gentle reminder what the stakes are, he might confront whatever might be holding him back. So you can do that. Its worth a shot for sure. It’s kinda crazy! I sit here, and I sense the kind of woman you are and I think, “boy, if someone could just shake this guy and tell him, you are blowing it with this girl….get on with making this work”!
Amber

May 7, 2018 at 1:38 pm

I sent him a long text. Didn’t open his other messages or snaps . I only sent a text. Said I was sorry for not responding but I’ve just been doing some thinking. I told him that I keep getting mixed signals from him. I can’t tell what he wants. I haven’t moved on with my life bc I have kept holding back but that it’s come to the point where I need to if he’s not interested. That we can’t keep doing this bc I didn’t think I could be friends. I’m different from his true “gal pals” and quite frankly I didn’t want to be his friend. That I know him and he knows me. Gave examples. And he can’t keep Continuing on with the mix signals. That I wanted him to think about stuff before he responded to me. But tell me honestly what he wanted…. so we’ll see. Thanks for your help. Got to the point where something needs to happen even if it’s me walking away
Chris Seiter

May 7, 2018 at 3:31 pm

Hi Amber…great job. I am proud of you. That is the right approach. This kind of back and forth mix signals is no way to live. Its not sustainable. Keep your word to him and yourself however this turns out and turn your focus on your continued self recovery and focus on being the best version of yourself. If you don’t get a straight answer or he keeps playing mind games, then simply reply and say something like, “OK, I have gotten my answer. I wish you the best”. Then move on.
Amber

May 9, 2018 at 3:21 am

Update: I hadn’t heard anything from him. Sent him that text Sunday. He has quit watching my snap story right about the time he spoke with out mutual friend before I sent the text. I still kept silent. Didn’t look at the stuff he sent me days ago. Meanwhile from our mutual friend I was told he was closing on his new house Monday. And so I figured I wouldn’t hear from him. (Getting his new house was one of his goals he wanted to do prior to getting into a serious relationship per our break up in January )……So I kept ignoring the old messages. he can still tell I’m silent and he went quiet watching my story. I figured he went into his shell….. I got a text from him randomly today that said “I’m not ignoring you…. I’m just trying to think about this…. not good at being so serious “ …. that was the response to me Big text about (I can’t be your friend. I haven’t moved on bc I have feelings for you still but We can’t keep doing this. Mix signals from him about what he wants and I point blank told him that I saw through his mask and I know who he is and I need him to take time and tell me what he wants. Not make a decision before about his life is complicated and it be better if we just stopped. Don’t make a decision for us. Just tell me what he wanted from me. And I told him I couldn’t be his friend in his text )and I was going to move on based on his decision………. so basically I gave him an ultimatum….. I know he just closed on his house. Not sure if I should have given him an ultimatum but we can’t keep up the weird relationship we were in….. so he’s contacted me. Said he’s thinking through stuff. I waited 4 or 5 hours and then I wrote back “Thank you” then went back to radio Silence. Meanwhile this same morning he liked a post I put on Facebook. A post about people breaking out of their comfort zone and experiencing life……… all I know is that I’m trying to do what I think is best. Staying strong and if he text me saying he can’t or he’s not capable of a relationship I’m ready to walk… but I really hope he can get the balls to come out of his scared of commitment mindset and join me…… do you think I’m still doing the right approach. I guess I’m doing no contact with an exception of a nudge like you suggested. And I guess I’m ready for him to run but secretly hoping I’m the girl that he can’t live without. I’m not like the rest and over the past months since our break up I’ve done a lot of growing and know I’m worth it. And he’s stupid if he lets me walk away.
Chris Seiter

May 9, 2018 at 3:42 am

Thanks for update Amber. I do think your are approaching this right. I agree…stupid he will be if he lets you go. But if that turns out to be the case, no doubt you will land on your feet!

Jane

April 25, 2018 at 11:42 am

So I have been dating this guy for 4 months and he ended it last week saying that he just wants to be friends. He had been messaging me everyday for 4 months and we usually met up twice a week to fit in around work and his child. We went on holiday together 2 weeks ago and had a lovely time. He said I’m fantastic but he’s just not sure and is scared of commitment too. I told him that I appreciated his honesty and that I enjoyed our time with each other and haven’t contacted him since last week. But now I can’t help but miss him and don’t know what to do for the best. We’ve both had messy previous relationships and have a lot on our plate but we seemed to have a genuine connection. Do I walk away or try to be friends and maybe one day rediscover something?

Chris Seiter

April 26, 2018 at 12:07 am

Hey Jane! Have you picked up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro? (website Menu/Products link) If not, do so because I really think you will benefit. I think creating some space and utilizing the No Contact Principle will actually optimize your chances, but it will also help you both to experience some healing and get balanced with your feelings/thoughts….particularly him. So no, don’t walk away. This Chapter in your life has not been completely written yet.

Abbie

April 23, 2018 at 11:47 am

Me and my ex broke up less than a week ago, we was together for 3 years. Towards the end of our breakup things got really bad and he ended it by telling me he doesn’t want a relationship anymore. He says he wants to be with me but he doesn’t want a relationship in general at this point in his life. He says he still loves me and all of that, and that in the future he would love for us to try again but I still really wanna be with him 🙁 we said we’re gonna be friends and carry on speaking like we usually would and meeting now and then, but I just don’t know if it’s possible for me to change his view on a relationship. I don’t wanna put my life on hold and wait around for him even though I really do want to be with him. Have you got any advice of how I can get him back?

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2018 at 9:13 pm

Hi Abbie…Guys can say all kinds of stupid things. Maybe at the time, they think that is what they want. Sometimes they are just angry and say stuff. Sometimes they are confused. It is easy to be confused or uncertain about what one wants. Its natural too for guys to say they just want to be friends and actually mean it as they could be trying to sort through all the emotions and thoughts of what they should do. You probably should pick up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro because I don’t think the relationship will come back together any time soon by just “being friends”. I agree, you don’t want to put your life on a perpetual hold. Employing No Contact might get you some results. Go click on my website Menu/Products link and take a look at some of the ebook resources available there. If he is going to change his view of the relationship, he might needs some urging and you can learn more about how to accomplish that.

Beth

April 22, 2018 at 4:14 pm

After agreeing to be friends with my ex a few days after the breakup, I realised I made a mistake and it hurt to much to look at him and I didn’t want to be friendzoned. I want/ed to complete a full 30 day no contact, so I decide I’d slowly distance myself rather than stop replying completely, as that seemed just too rude after agreeing to be friends. I began by leaving suddenly while we were texting on Snapchat, which he didn’t respond well too. He said “fine, bye” after twenty minutes when I didn’t open an a snap. I said a few hours later I got up and went out with family (Which was true) we then sent several snaps to eachother throughout the day. When it got to night time, I didn’t Iopen any more snaps. At 3am I opened them as I woke up and didn’t reply. In the morning I posted a snap to my story. When he saw this he messaged me and said “Fine, avoid me then.” And blocked me on everything. Do I pursue 30 days no contact now, or find a way to tell him to calm down, I was asleep, and we can continue being friends. It seems he’s completely over me, and I really want him back.

Chris Seiter

April 22, 2018 at 10:46 pm

Hi Beth. That was a good insight. Our heart says we can be friends, but it is so hard to do because we want so much more. It seems he is acting a little testy and immature. Yes, NC may be in the cards now. Maybe a 14 to 21 day period. IF you haven’t already picked up Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (website Menu/Products link), go do so as it will be a really useful Companion Guide that will help you on the things you should be doing to rebuild attraction and experience some healing for yourself.

Pecky953

April 21, 2018 at 7:58 pm

Confused as to what is that he wants? My ex bf and me had a great relationship for a year 1/2. Six months ago we had a really bad fight and got back not a car accident (no one was harmed- thank god) and he completely cut me out of his life. I tried contacting him a week later and he simply texted me to leave him alone that he was trying to heal and we could probably talk about it in the future. I was going through hell since I felt so guilty and he never allowed me to explain or even talk to me in person.
I didn’t try to contact him anymore afterwards. He texted me “happy new year” to which I replied the same. His bday came along and I didn’t text him at all. He texted me a month ago asking how’s everything? And we have been texting. Now, he first said to robably meet.. when I said I’m open to open to it he said he didn’t know about in person just yet, for a lot of reasons.. then texted me reminiscing and saying that it sucked to block those memories because we couldn’t get back together.. when I acknowledge that it ducks he said he couldn’t keep up with those sad convos, that he was doing his best to leave it behind and that we have story but that’s all and sends me a funny video to which he laugh a lot. I laugh at the video and then he says that he would love to spend time with me and laugh again but that it has to be as friends and that he knows emotions and/or physical wants would interfere. I just don’t know if he wants me back and he wants me to say it, or he just wants sex..? Any help please.
Thank you!!!

Chris Seiter

April 21, 2018 at 11:30 pm

Hi there Pecky (cool name!). It seems he is trying to connect. I will say guys almost always want sex. But in this case, he may also be reminiscing and trying to figure out his feelings and what is best for him and you. He might not yet know the answer to that and I bet you are in the same camp. So proceed slowly and see where it leads. While it can happen, it is hard to be just friends after being close lovers for 1 1/2 years. So to protect your best interest, just treat it as a friends date, but no sex as that will just cloud up things in the long run. If you both want to restart the relationship, just go it slow. And by the way, Pecky, if you needs a Companion Guide on how to handle all the ins and outs of breakups, go to my website Menu/Products link and you will find my comprehensive ebooks and other services and resources! Let me know how things proceed my friend.

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