What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Carissa

February 18, 2014 at 8:53 am

Hi Chris,

I love your articles and your advice has been so insightful. I’m in a situation that I’d like your 2-cents on. Bear with me on the background…

My now ex, Alex, and I started taking a ‘pause’ back end-Aug. We needed to calm down, get our emotions sorted out, and work on ourselves. We stayed in touch, and met up occasionally to talk about where we stood but we weren’t getting anywhere. Deep down I always wanted to work on the relationship. By Nov/Dec, he was still withdrawn. Alex is a very patient guy who takes his time, is very deliberate, and likes to handle things (as I imagine most men do, like, sorting out his emotions) on his own.

In Dec, he lost his job, and I think that threw him off whack. He went back to Australia to spend time with family and for the holidays, and I thought that it would breathe new life into him. Come the new year, amidst his job woes and our prolonged 4-month limbo ‘pause’, and my asking him to meet up to talk/decide, he said he didn’t want this anymore. I kind of saw it coming, so I didn’t disagree, as I understood where he was coming from. I just didn’t think he’d actually do it, and despite having many doubts myself, really did hope he would’ve come around. We officially broke up in early Jan. (Technically, he did the breaking up – this was over text and phone, after he came back from Australia).

The phone call was amicable and, because we hadn’t seen each other or caught up in a month, met the day after we broke up. Initially I wanted to talk it out in person, but couldn’t muster the courage to spoil the good time of a dinner catching up. I was torn – I had always told him that I don’t keep in touch with my ex’es; if it’s over, I move on and don’t look back – but with Alex, I really thought he was the one I could see myself settling down for good. A week later, I told him that I am choosing to be in touch because I still believe in ‘us’ and that I hope that he ‘will find his way back to me.’ He was flattered and said he appreciated it.

That was mid-Jan, and we have been communicating since then. We gotten dinner again last week and I have also stopped over his place to pick up some stuff. It didn’t feel awkward, lots of laughs, good vibes, though I unfortunately had my guard up and could have tried to make it feel more of a date and be flirtatious! Oh well.

While we’ve never said “let’s be friends,” I worry I am in the ‘friendzone’. The longest time we have been ex-communicated was 2 weeks in Nov. I regret not having done NC, and in hindsight, there were several opportunities to have done so, but I didn’t even know about NC then. I think that by having frequently initiated (to meet up, to chat, etc) or always being there around him, he’s never experienced ‘losing me’ or deeply missed me.

I’ve never fought to win someone back. I know he and I are different people now than how we were before, and I believe in a newer, better future. How do I show that now? Is it too late for NC, and is that the best course of action now, given *all* that has transpired over the past 6 months?

Given that he and I are in contact (I know if I asked him right now if he wanted to grab dinner, he’d be up for it), it’d feel weird to suddenly drop off all contact. Or do I be very honest with myself and to him, and tell him that I can’t be just friends, but since it feels like old times whenever we hang out, if we could explore the possibility of dating again? And finally, if he is already trying to move on (I recently saw him on an online dating site…same site we initially met on, and where I am now trying to start dating again), is this a lost cause?

Thanks!!
Carissa

Ps. I tried one of the ‘re-ignition of feelings’ texts, and he came back with a neutralish-positive response. I could probably add another text or two to really dig into the emotion and admire him, and then end the conversation. Thoughts?

admin

February 18, 2014 at 7:21 pm

It’s only a lost cause if you deem it to be.

Then again, if you can’t see a happy future with him then it is probably not worth it.
Carissa

February 18, 2014 at 9:21 am

I forgot to add that Alex and I had been together for almost a year until we ‘paused’ in Aug, and lived together for several months during that time. (He stayed with me while he was moving apartments).

Nadine

February 17, 2014 at 11:15 pm

My boyfriend of over a year decides we should just be best friends due to a couple of petty arguments that have apparently ‘pushed him’ and have caused him to be confused about his feelings so he says he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. Less than a month later he calls to arrange a day to give eachother our things back and to tell me he is now wanting to go out with another girl – who ironically I was jealous of a couple times but he would reassure me he did not find her attractive at all. Before he met me he wasn’t too nice and had very low self confidence, his friends all noticed a difference when he dated me, however now he has reverted back to his old ways and is drinking and smoking a lot. It’s sad hearing that he is ruining his life just because of some silly arguments we had. He says that him and the new girl unexpectedly admitted they liked each other, so will he ever realise what a mistake he has made? Surely if he was truly happy with her then he wouldn’t be behaving like his old self and would be the happy guy everyone loved. Not sure whether to leave the situation to settle, try to be friends with him and the girl or block both completely from my life?:/

admin

February 18, 2014 at 7:12 pm

He wasn’t even willing to talk things out?

Judy

February 17, 2014 at 2:52 pm

Hi Chris,
This Is My story, and please help my ASAP because I literally feel like I’m dying inside.
I met this guy back in November, and immediately we saw sparks flying, we were commuting together from our street to our university, and at university, we literally spend the whole day together, fast forward a month later, we are boyfriend and girlfriend and madly in love with each other, confessing that we have never felt this way before about anyone, we thought we were for eternity.
fast forward another month, and I started acting girl-crazy, I became one of those girls who go like “who is she?, who were you talking to?, why were you talking to him?, what are you doing?, what did you mean when so and so happened?”…I know, I know this is the biggest mistake ever.
Eventually, a huge fight happened and we decided to be friends, that was last month, and we kept fighting for at two weeks, then eventually we cooled off. However, since we decided that we were going to stay friends, we were still hanging out 24/7 and we were still telling each other everything. However, there is tension.
Yesterday, his best friend, who is also one of my close friends, talked to him about us…and my man told him that he felt that we “rushed” into this, and that all those problems that I used to cause, and this paranoia that I used to act like made him feel like we are not good for each other (which is not true, because we agree on 99.9% of everything).
I talked to this mutual friend, and now we are just friends.
I want more, I know that we are made for each other, I just know it, this is what my heart is telling me. I know it will take time, weeks, maybe even months till he completely forgets about those problems and start even considering me again.
However, what is the right way to treat him?, and the more important question, do you think time will heal and do I have a chance?

admin

February 17, 2014 at 7:49 pm

time always heals

Bella

February 17, 2014 at 1:27 pm

So my ex/bf broke up me earlier this week. He said he loved our relationship but has some doubts as if I’m the one for him. He still wants to remain “friends.” We have seen and hung out with each other everyday since the break up. There are times when he tries those things couples do like cuddling etc. He doesn’t know what he wants. He says we probably won’t have a romantic relationship or maybe we will. He’s unsure. He admitted to being jealous when I went out the other night. He also responded to a fb post of me asking my gfs to hang out and he wanted to come. Whenever he asks for space and I try to give it to him he tells me it’s ok I can stay(we lived together) I’m just confused. What do I do?
Catherine

February 17, 2014 at 6:44 am

Hi, My situation is a little different. Me and my bf have been together and lived together for out entire 12 month relationship. In saying that we were friends then started dating then became official 3 months before that. We still live together and only broke up a week ago. I can not afford to move out yet and I have limited friends and family who I can stay with.
My bf broke up because he thinks his better off alone and doesn’t feel like his good enough and I deserve better as he feels tied down and doesn’t want to commit anymore. I would like to be best friends with him as I know I am strong enough to do that. At the moment I am not sure how to go about fixing things or what to do. We don’t text or fb each other. At home we talk normally and sometimes even joke and laugh and it feels like how we were before just friends. We are both still sad about the break up and he feels as though its difficult where I don’t feel as though it is difficult. Like it wasn’t a bad break up and we never fought or have fought. He sleeps on the couch. I just look at it as we tried out best but it was wrong timing. I just really want us to move and be friends or even if it is possible I could win him back. I just don’t know where to go or how to handle things or how to go about fixing things when we live together?
Martha rojaaas

February 16, 2014 at 8:21 am

Update on my whole situation , we broke up exactly a month ago, he was the one crying saying he was always gonna love me yet the next day he acted like all his feelings were gone…(you might remember now lol) any way after the break up we stayed as friends for like a week or so until I found out he started saying he had dumped me when truth is we both agreed on staying as friends so I got so mad and hurt that I told him off and Told him real man don’t go and talk about woman … Then I saw one of his friends and he told
Me my ex seems more relaxed and stress free and that he’s moving on with his life well today (valentines day) I deleted him off my Fb because it hurts me to just see how he’s moving on like I didn’t mean anything to him during that year and 3 months …this days have been so painful it’s been 16 days of no contact and I don’t see him even making an effort I’m losing hope ..do you think I should just give up ? Is it to soon to try and talk to him ? I want to let him know I te yes the way I did cuz I was upset of what he was telling people that he had dumped me and it wasn’t like that …. I don’t know how to handle this or what to do!!
Rietta

February 16, 2014 at 4:54 am

Hi Chris,

Boyfriend broke up with me (2.5 month long relationship). He asked a new girl out less than a month after me. They dated for less than a week, she dumped him. I did NC right after we broke up for 33ish days, then contacted him (but found that he was dating new girl, so cut it off). Waited another month NC, during which i realized i wanted to hang out just as friends again. Asked to be friends. Positive/neutral response. I reply next day. No reply. I was over us being bf/gf a LONG time ago, why is he still so hesitant? i think he thinks i want to win him back or something…

Judy

February 17, 2014 at 2:57 pm

I’m sorry to tell you this, but I don’t think he even wants you as friends in his life

Nadine

February 15, 2014 at 11:47 pm

Hi Chris.. So I’ve read a fair few pages of yours. They’ve got me so far but now feeling a bit stuck! Me and my ex broke up around mid Dec.. I naturally didn’t feel ready to speak to him for ages (inadvertently doing NC for about 3 weeks I guess..) but texted him just before my birthday to simply ask him politely to send me these gig tickets (one which we were meant to be going to). So turns out he wanted to still go with me, and we chatted a couple times via text. We went to the gig which was pretty enjoyable. He said to meet again but I do wonder if he’ll follow through! He also next day thanked me for a lovely eve. So it’s been a couple days since and nothing’s really changed in our mode of contact (seldom, usually initiated by me and brief). What’s my next best move? NC again? Thanks in advance for reading etc and hope you have time to respond 🙂

admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Hmmm… you really need to find a way to advance things.
Nadia

February 16, 2014 at 10:10 pm

We are in contact at the moment, but conversations are very brief and usually started by me! I agree I need to advance things but dont know how 🙁
Nadine

February 15, 2014 at 11:49 pm

we are still yet to return our things to eachother too :/
admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:13 pm

You can break NC to do that you know.

Mary

February 13, 2014 at 12:31 am

I was with my guy for 3 years. He broke up after one year, saying he wasn’t sure. I convinced him to come back to me. Now, 2 years later, he’s done it again (6 weeks ago). He loves me so much, he thinks I’m the one and perfect but he says he wants to do some things alone, like traveling. I moved all across the world to be with him and he wants to leave.

I’ve used no contact and now we agreed on meeting eachother. This site helped me a lot. He has been saying how much he misses me, that he cannot sleep without me and that he feels lonely. At the same time he talks about his traveling and his future plans, which don’t seem to include me, at least for a while. I’m pretty sure in a few days he will ask me to be his friend. Cause he does want me in his life, just doesn’t want to be committed.

So what is my approach? I will tell him I can’t be friends with him, there are too many feelings there. He will be crushed by this, cause he knows I’ll be out of his life and he doesn’t want that. But isn’t that too much pressure? Or is that exactly what he needs to want me back. We first had plans of traveling together, we lived together. I kinda want to make him see that there’s a way of being with me (he wants that safe feeling back, I’m sure) but still he can do whatever he feels like he needs to be doing.

How can I use him missing me so much in his life now I will be friendzoned pretty quickly. How do I change his mind without telling him?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 3:01 am

Do you believe his breakup reasons?

KSK

February 11, 2014 at 7:47 pm

So I have been seeing this guy for 2 months.. Its was going unreal bout 2 weeks ago things started to distance out. He has been studying for the bar exam. Well, I invited him to a out of town wedding and he said yes so I was really excited which to me I thought we were solid. Well, I have been hinting to him wanting to know where we stand kind of thing. He said he liked me, one text he said Im busy studying don’t worry. Well, I went 2 weeks without seeing him just communicated texts and I wanted to confirm with him he was still going to the wedding with me and even said to him if you don’t want to go please let me know. Well, he said he wanted to. So, the night before we leave out of town I told him I was going to grab drinks and he said he wanted to chill well I ran into him at a bar shocked but acted cool about it. It was different before. Well, we were out of town for the weekend and things were going great and the night of the wedding after I was buzzed and kinda pressured him on knowing where we stand. Well, the next day we had a 5 hour drive back and we talked. He said I was really everything he wants but hes selfish with his time and busy and not ready for a relationship. I was blown away, I even stated back to him cool not crazy what about when you said you’ve haven’t felt this excited about anyone in a long time, or in general all the time we did spend together. He said that he seriously thought about us and wanting to be in a serious relationship and Im everything he wants beauitiful, smart you know the sayings but he said I really like you and I have so much fun with you but I know your the type of girl that would be cool if we stayed friends? He said I don’t know if Im making the right decision but since it seems like you want to know where we stand I just don’t have an answer for that. I was devastated. After 2 months and yes he was starting to distant himself but I didn’t understand it. I even asked him why would you come to the wedding with me (out of town) and he never saw going to a wedding as a big deal. This happened on Sunday. Im really confused, I really like him, we had so much fun together, and it was great, really thought this was going to last. All I wanted was to know where we stand not are we getting married. 2 days later Today, coincidentally, I posted a picture on face book with me and another guy friend and he liked it this morning? Psychoanalyze that? I don’t know its so confusing…

admin

February 12, 2014 at 7:29 pm

He probably liked it as a way of saying “I am ok with this.” (when its really tearing him up inside.)
ksk

February 12, 2014 at 11:03 pm

So what should I do? If its tearing him up and he just wants to be friends? Should I not communicate with him? He has not reached out to me at all. I was and fell for him and I know he felt that way at the beginning until I wanted to know where we stood..? What should I do?

Marie

February 11, 2014 at 7:13 pm

So I have been seeing this guy for 2 months. He was proactive in hanging out, texting dates even saying I haven’t felt like this in a long time and I was hooked on him for sure. Slowly he started backing off, I kinda called him out on it asking him what was up and he said he was busy which was legit and to just relax not to worry. I was in that mind frame of I want to know where we stand. Well, I invited him to a wedding out of town and he came with me as a woman I was confident cool hes still into me. Well, one night out of town I did drink a bit too much as told him I wanted to know where we stand. Long story short he said he really liked me, I was a lot of fun to be with, beautiful, smart all the things he was looking for…you know story but he said he didn’t have time for a relationship. So I asked him why drag this out two months, he said he thought about us and really considered getting serious with me but he wants to be friends. I told him why did he come to the wedding with me, he definitely didn’t see the wedding invite like I did. I guess it came down to me kinda pressuring him where we stand is what pushed him away? He was so different the first month and a half and then things changed. He didn’t make as much of an effort, I rant into him a bar the night before we left to the wedding and thought why didn’t he want to meet up with me it had been 2 weeks since I saw him last. So, should I try to get him back? I really like him and of course just getting back from the wedding on Sunday, yesterday was emotionally hard but today I am better. Is it worth it? I mean crazy enough I posted a picture of me and my guy friend last night on facebook and he liked it. Ive tried to figure that one out. Well, he has texted me today asking if I was having a good week and I have not responded. So, what should I do. Let go and try? When we were driving back from the wedding he told me I don’t know if I am making the right decision by saying lets be friends but I don’t have the answer for you and he said he is selfish with his time. Please help some advice would be great….

admin

February 12, 2014 at 7:28 pm

Were the two of you ever “official?”
marie

February 12, 2014 at 11:06 pm

No we were not official but that why I was asking him where we stood at this point? I stopped seeing other people. Im so confused. He was so into me and when I pressed the issue of where we stood he said lets be friends. But two months and at the beginning it was like a relationship. What should I do? He has not communicated with me either.

JB

February 11, 2014 at 3:55 pm

Hi chris,
I broke up with the love of my life, and my bestest friend about a month ago,because I was so jealous over some stupid issues, and he saw them that I don’t trust him, and we were fighting a lot, and I was drivng him insane. We decided to stay best friends because we can’t live without each other, for the first two weeks after the break up, all we did was fight, and up until now,until the breakup, all he does is frown, he doesn’t joke as much as he usually does, not just with me, but with everyone and all of our friends, and that’s saying something because he is the guy with the BIGGEST humor I have ever seen. When I act all fun and funny when the two of us are hanging out, I feel like he gets so excited and happy when I act like my old self,and texts me when we get home, and yesterday he was sick and I took good care of him, and he was so happy. Sometimes, I feel like he is obviously avoiding eye contact with me, and when has eye contact with me, he smiles, and turns right away. Yesterday, I fell and he held my hand unconciously, and I don’t know…I feel like we are still in love, both of us, and we can’t live without each other, that’s for sure. However, he has the most stubborn head in the world, and from what I deducted, I think he wants to get back, only till we clear our problems. I swear I am over those stupid issues, but how can I assure him that?, or the more important question…do you think we still have a chance with my soulmate? 🙁

admin

February 11, 2014 at 6:33 pm

How big were the issues that caused the break?
JB

February 12, 2014 at 1:50 pm

Basically, he still talks to his ex-girlfriend, because they are just friends now, but a girl knows, and I know that she still wants him back, so I asked him multipe times to cut off talking to her,but he always said that I’m insane,and then after the break-up in like a day or two, she called him up and she wanted to get back with him, and he cut her off, so that was one issue that solved itself, because he used to think that I was just jealous.
The second issue was some girl, who is basically a man eater in our university, and she was doing her “moves” on him. However, she belongs to a different crowd, so each time I told him to stay away from her because she is annoying me, he would always tell me that it’s not even possible for him to consider her..and after that he still talked to her (only he never approached her, she is the one who always approaches him), and it always drove me insane and I acted crazy over her. Now, after the break up, I see him say hi to her and nothing more than that, I can see him feeling boyishly happy however when she’s around, but it’s come to my mind that I think it’s only because she’s the “it” girl, that he is happy that she is giving him attention (and I was stupid enough to show him that she gave him attention), so those were the two main issues.
However, what he hated most about that, wasn’t the issue itself as much as it was how I expressed it, usually I’d get all “emotional” when we’re alone and fighting, and act around other people like nothing is wrong. However, in the break-up fight, I shouted at him in public :/, and then I was frowning in the face of our friends, and I kept frowning throughout the whole day. He says that as though he thought I was someone else :(,and that he now saw me as someone who went so “public” with our private problems and made sort-of a scene, and that he didn’t feel that we are special anymore, and that I never loved him enough :(…Help?..He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I want to get him back, this whole friendship thing isn’t enough. 🙁
JB

February 12, 2014 at 8:20 pm

Can you answer me please? 🙂
admin

February 14, 2014 at 2:44 am

Sorry for the late response. What’s up? What do you need help with?
JB

February 14, 2014 at 8:55 pm

basically he’s been so down since the break up, and the issues we fought about are very silly and solvable…However, you did see my long reply about the things that went wrong..do you think I still have a chance?…how could I show a guy that those things changed in me and that it would be better? :”)

Liz

February 10, 2014 at 11:04 pm

I decided that I would love to be with him again one day but I’m completely utterly prepared for that to not happen. I won’t wait on him, hope for him to come back or try so desperately to get him back. Friends is good for now. I went through the breakup, the NC for 30 days, the meet ups, the being friends, the text messages to build rapport and then I was friend zoned after we had a talk about where we stand with each other. My question is: after this emotional talk and deciding to be friends, do I go into NC again? And if I do, for how long? Of course I want him back but I can live with being friends as well. I kind of want to leave things to chance. It’s a fine line between trying to get him back somewhere down the line and being good friends.

admin

February 11, 2014 at 12:51 am

I think you have the perfect attitude.

Ellen

February 10, 2014 at 4:23 pm

Hi,i was datn a guy for a yr before I went to university but his behavoiur changed wen I got to campus dat am been friendly with males in our class ,dis created sm sought of mistrust btwn us which the love I had for him reduced totally,that was wen I me dis guy in our class which I had fallen inlove wit him but he didnt kno,he later proposed n I accepted n was aware I was dating sm one else but I loved him . All dis while,i v been datn da two guy,n wanted to break up wit him which I tried several tyms but always ma parents said I shouldnt breakup wit him cos he has been so gud to n I completed school n da guy I met on campus ,we r now working in da same hospital all dis while he didnt show any sign dat he wants to marry me but I loved him so much.recently da first proposed n I accepted ,all though I kno I dont love him but didnt know wat to do but to go on wit preparation,a month to da engagement ceremony ma campus guy told me we shd break up n I cldnt just accept dis cos I didnt even kno I loved him dat much and dont want to loose him to anybody else. I talked wit him dat alrite I v made a wrong choice n I want him but said once am preparing for ma ceremony I shd go on wit ,i did da ceremony but wasnt happy atall cos I kno I v lost ma soul mate. Right I want a divorce which I told da guy and ma parent dat I cant continue with dis pain dat am married and cant forget da 2nd guy ,v tried convincn him but he said he is afraid of da implications and consequences,but I really want him n dont want to loose him this tym,i kno I made a mistake marrying da guy I dont love but was thinkn of wat pple might say but I want to do wat ma hrt n I want but he is afraid to admit his love and thinking of wat pple wil say ,cos we work at da same hospital n pple kne I was datn him n went to marry some one else but nobody seems to understand my issue,but I really love him n want him back in ma life.wat gng on in his mind and wat do u suggest I do.
Alex

February 10, 2014 at 5:03 am

CHRIS!
does this article and at the “evil genius way?.” i was left with wanting to read more. my ex boyfriend (we dated for about 4 years) friend-zoned me about 3 months ago. i went totally crazy; acting clingy to declaring my undying love for him on a message, you name it, to the point where i annoyed him and he begun ignoring me. i decided to leave all the drama-emotional cycles behind and simply be friends, hoping he’d take me back. there are times where i don’t look for him in about a week or so and he ends up texting me. i am going to try the NC rule and see what happens. thanks a lot for all the helpful and great advice/tips. wish me luck. ;*

admin

February 10, 2014 at 6:48 pm

Definitely try it.

Pauli

February 10, 2014 at 12:50 am

Hi Chris
My ex and I broke up about a week ago, but the night we broke up his ex who had broken up with him a year prior called him and he called it fate. He now feels he is meant to be with this girl and she got him to agree to not be with anyone for 2 years while he waits for her. Normally after a few days we come back give our apologies and everything is fine, but now he wants to be friends. Is it possible to get out of the friend zone if he now has her in his life? Please and thank you
Paulina Phillips

February 9, 2014 at 6:43 pm

I was dating my ex for about 10 months and he had continuously broken up with me again and again, so I put down my foot and told him if he did it again that I wouldn’t come back. He would usually call me back after 3 days, so I know from experience the no contact rule works well with him. However one day he got right in my face and dared me to to break it off if I really wasn’t happy, so I did and instantly regretted it. That same night his ex who had broken up with him a year prior called him up and asked to see him. So when I went to go apologize after 3 days of hearing no reply from him he told me he believed it was fate that she would call. He apparently promised to wait 2 years for her to return to him, but in that time he isn’t allowed to be with any other women, but asked me if we could be friends… which lead to sex. He then regretted it and said it couldn’t happen again, but wants to stay friends. Would the no contact rule work here? Obvious her year of no contact with him did wonders, but what happens when theres another girl involved playing the same game you are? I want this guy pretty badly, but what happens when complicated gets overly complicated? How will he miss me in the 30 day no contact if she’s talking to him?

admin

February 10, 2014 at 5:42 am

I think it would!
Paulina

February 11, 2014 at 12:34 am

I just realized my last name is on here. How do I remove that? And thank you for the advice. Wish me luck!!
admin

February 11, 2014 at 12:39 am

Where is it? I can remove it.

Erica

February 8, 2014 at 4:44 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex broke up with me after being together for slightly over a year because he don’t love me anymore and he wants his freedom and space. Initially I cried and beg him back but he block my calls and avoided me. I went NC for 32 days and it was my birthday. I received a text from me at 2am to wish me happy birthday. I waited till in the evening to reply him thanks. But then he never text me anymore. It has been a week now and there is still no contact from him. What should I do? I miss him so badly and I want him back. I was hoping he would text me again.
Tee

February 8, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Hey Chris,

My ex and I broke up last Sunday and all week we were arranging to get together to exchange our things. He wanted to do it over coffee because he said he doesn’t want to be the “bad guy” wants me in his life. When we broke up, he said he loves me “as a friend.” We dated for ten months, so I’m sure you can imagine that it was kind of a slap in the face to hear that, especially since he was my first serious boyfriend (and he had told me earlier in our relationship that he had never loved a girl more than he loved me). Anyway, we were supposed to get together last Thursday night, but he changed plans last minute and said he had a ton of homework due Friday morning and wanted to know if I was available Friday night… which is unusual because every weekend since he said he needed “space” he’s been going out and partying. I declined, saying I had plans and work all weekend, but we ended up rescheduling for Monday. Last night I texted him saying Monday wasn’t going to work and asked him to give my stuff to a mutual friend of ours. He then asked me if I was alright, and I told him, “Yes, I just have a busy week coming up. Hope you’re doing okay.” He did not text me back until the morning telling me he would give my stuff to our friend but that he would still “like to have coffee sometime” and to let him know.

I plan on doing no contact from here on out, but my question is this: should I meet up with him for coffee before or after the thirty days are up? I’m not sure why he even wants to see me at this point.

Thanks for your help!
cece

February 5, 2014 at 4:24 pm

hi chris. i was kind of seeing someone but we were never officially anything. although we went out on dates and he always paid, picked me up. we were dating nonetheless for a few months. i finally wanted to know what was going on between us, so i asked. and i got the dreaded i think we should just be friends, and it’s not you it’s me. we ended talking the next night about everything in person. we went to dinner ( he paid and picked me still… which i tried to tell him no)

so i wanted to go on being friends like he said and i wrote him maybe once or twice a week. i suggested dinner one night and he suggested another night. he actually got back to me the night he said and went out. then i text him a few days ago and heard nothing. this was all prior to finding your site. i don’t know if he was just being nice or feeling sorry for me. i know he’s pretty busy and whatnot so i don’t really like to bother him. he said he had some issues to work on and i made a lot of the first moves too. was he scared perhaps? should i still try nc even though i’ve already talked to him? any advice would be great! thanks!

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