What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Amanda

February 5, 2014 at 10:07 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me the other day due to work commitments and claimed he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me any more. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, since we had just got back from a holiday together three weeks prior and were pretty happy, though we had been having a few spats here and there since being back.
Anyway, while we were breaking up he said we could maybe try again in a few years, and seemed devastated when, in my initial reaction to the breakup, I said I didn’t think we could be friends.
The next day I dropped some things over to his house and he seemed happy to see me (I only stayed two minutes); after that I tried the NC method… wouldn’t you know, after 24 hours of not seeing him I caved and sent him a non-committal text asking how his day had been. He responded saying that it was good, but that he thought we shouldn’t contact each other for a few weeks and that he needed space. I didn’t respond to that and am now sticking solidly to the NC method, hoping he will realize what he’s missing.
Do you think there’s any chance we could get back together?

Thanks,
Amanda

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:58 pm

There is a chance of course.
Amanda

February 5, 2014 at 10:11 am

Thing is, we were really each others best friend for the past two years as well, so I’m even more afraid of losing him. I feel like, hopefully, that makes my chances better of him coming back?

Molly

February 5, 2014 at 2:41 am

Hi there, So my boyfriend and I were together for 2.5 years. We lived together and have a dog. I found out I have a mass in my spinal cord and will be seeing a neurosurgeon. Next week he said he wanted a break. I immediately did no contact for 8 days. I eventually called him because I needed to not be in relationship limbo for the sake of my health. I had already collapsed and gone to the hospital once during the week of no contact. Anyways, I called him and we agreed to meet the next day (last night). We talked and he said he “Doesn’t have room or time in his life for a girlfriend.” He has a new job where he works typically 12-14 hour days. As well as his grandfather who is extremely close with is dying. He also then said he doesn’t feel ready to commit to a girlfriend. Which is a complete 180 from a month ago when he was talking about marriage and babies. I who am a student at uni, work and have extensive sport obligations do not ask a lot of his time so I am confused here. He then begged that we remain friends. I made the point of saying I don’t think I can be because what happens when one of us starts seeing someone else? He instead he was still in love with me but he needs time to be alone. He is 24 and said he has not been single since he was 16. It is difficult with the dog we own together, he has since moved into his parents house. I am very close with his family (I knew them before him). How do I go about NC? Do I cut them out of it? What about the dog who he wants to see? He wants me to keep him updated with my health too so what then? As friends he wants to go for drinks and still hang out. How do I do NC when his grandfather is dying? Isn’t that a bit harsh?

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:51 pm

Do you think the spinal cord stuff freaked him out?
Molly

February 6, 2014 at 12:13 am

He insisted it wasn’t that. And he said he still wants me to keep him in the loop about my health. I think he’s just confused. He said hs not sure if he’s ready to settle down anymore. I feel like he wants to see other people and keep me on the radar to compare with the new girls he’s seeing. How do I compete? I’m the old rusted toy in the corner and the new girls will be the new shiny toy! NC?

Margie

February 4, 2014 at 9:22 pm

Hey, so I’ve read a bunch of stuff on your site and it’s all super helpful, so thanks! But I’ve recently found myself in a weird situation with an ex that I keep getting mixed advice on, but I thought I’d ask you since you’re an expert (and not a girl haha). So I got a drunk text from a guy I dated for 2 years, but broke up with over a year ago, and it was a pretty bad split (he told his friends I was a bloodthirsty she devil) and it was the first contact I’d had with him since we broke up. We talked all night and surprisingly I got another message from him the next day. We’ve been talking like best friends every day now since I got that first message back in September. Over the Christmas break (we’re both at university) he asked if I’d be cool with a friends with benefits kinda thing because he missed being intimate with me. I agreed and so we hooked up at least twice a week for a month. One time I blew him off to go on a real date with someone who actually was interested in me and when I told him about it he got upset that that was my excuse for cancelling on him. So then I started thinking maybe he couldn’t do the whole just sex no feelings thing, despite how cool he seemed to handle it before. By the end of the month we were holding hands and kissing a lot, differently than he ever kissed me while were dating. I know I should probably just ask him about it but I don’t want to scare him away. We’ve tiptoed around conversations about “us” before, but he seems shy about it. So basically I’m just incredibly confused about what he’s trying to tell me or not tell me, but I don’t want to ask and ruin whatever this weird thing we’ve got going right now is. Hopefully I’m not the only one in this kind of situation even though it feels like it. Please help!

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Well, there is risk with asking him but at the same time aren’t you entitled to have an explanation?

Erin

February 4, 2014 at 2:00 am

My ex and I broke up after living together for a year. 2 months after we split he asked to work things out and then quickly changed his mind and put me in the friendzone. I then asked him point blankly are we trying to work things out and be in a relationship again or what and that I did not want to be friends. I also said that I did not want to talk to him anymore if he just wanted to be friends. He cried and begged me not to make him make this decision. He basically was a mess. I ended up “staying” the night for the last time before we were to not speak or see each other. Only two days later he started seeing this girl that he was lightly speaking to before who was really into weird things and had lots of tattoos, a half shaved head, piercings and was also into women. And also she has a kid who the father is trying to take custody of. Anyways he started hanging out with her a lot and telling everyone how happy he was and then would post pictures of them. Then only two weeks ago we ran into each other at a show and we talked and he was really nice and attentive. He then texted me a lot the next week and asked to hang out one on one a couple of times. I was a little scared to ask him how things went with this girl and I eventually did. He said that she became too clingy and that he told her she couldn’t stay over at his house for more than 2 days. She got really offended that he was speaking to me and told him to go be happy with his ex girlfriend. He seemed a little upset by it though. Anyways I asked him why he wanted to be friends with me and he said because I’m different and I can be friend’s with exes. He then calls me pretty and always wants to be around me when we go to social events. He also said that he couldn’t stand the day that I would stop talking to him. Im very confused, but my best guess is that he is scared of having any sort of relationship right now but wants to keep me around for when he is emotionally ready, but then one side of me says that maybe he honestly does just want to be just friends. Help I need your advice as to how I should handle this? Last time I told him I couldn’t be friends he just went off and tried to be with another girl, but when we are friends he seems to atleast be interested in me and be so resistant towards me. I hate being friendzoned, but I feel I must suck it up.

admin

February 4, 2014 at 5:42 pm

So, essentially he won’t be a man and commit to you?
Erin

February 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm

yup.
Erin

February 4, 2014 at 2:02 am

*not so resistant towards me.

abha

February 4, 2014 at 12:11 am

Hi Chris,
Do you think NC will work for me? recently i made a mistake of messaging him and asking him if he has moved on..nd he replied with get out of your insecurities thn i replied tht i think we should disconnect completely so he blocked me on whatsapp and i unfriend him on facebook… do you think is there any possibility that i will get him back and if so what should do now… please help me chris.. thank you soo much…

admin

February 4, 2014 at 5:38 pm

I think it really can!

Tiffany

February 3, 2014 at 11:48 am

Hello Chris..first all, I want thank you for taking your time to help women …I feel seeking help doesn’t make you weak but it shows you are willing and courageous to face your problem.During the break up, my Ex said “we can never be together again and am not is type of woman..so I broke down over the phone and this act made him call me possessive..but he said we should friends..so while I was seeking help, I stumbled on your blog.I started the No Contact rule 7days ago, So I woke this morning and I got a text from him saying”Hello,its been a while I heard from you, hope you good,”.I have not replied because am scared of breaking the rule and at the same time, am thinking he might get angry and not reply my text after I complete the NC.What can I do pls.am looking forward to your reply.God bless you.

admin

February 3, 2014 at 6:22 pm

I guess you could shorten it to 21 days if you are that concerned with it.

Judy

February 2, 2014 at 6:56 pm

hey :)…omg I need you to save my life!!…literally!!…so you know when you find your true love and then you start acting all clingy and annoying and you get jealous over silly things and they come off as trust issues and you end up ruining the relationship with the love of your love?, that’s what happened to me, now he wants to be friends, and he really does, and he doesn’t want to shut me out of his life, he said that if we get back there are a lot of things that we have to sort out, but the thing is that I feel like I BROKE something through those clingy and meaningless fights that we had that were always started by me, and I do kinda feel like he is annoyed be me, he is with me at college and I HAVE to see him almost everyday, and I can’t NOT talk to him, because we HAVE to commute together, that’s at least. The thing is that he is putting a lot of emphasis on us being just friends for now, and I can tell that a lot of my bad attitude annoys him…now I know that I was a true asshole with him, and that he is still upset with me even though he says otherwise, but I just want to fix this. I know it will take some time, but I really do, it’s hard for me sometimes to forget that we are just friends and act like a girlfriend, and today for instance it really annoyed him, and again he stated very clearly that he wants to be friends…he did use to tell me that I am the girl of his dreams and the love of his life, but you know when you do something so bad and the other person is just disappointed and feel like they hate your guts?, that’s what happened. PLEAAAASE tell me how I should act around him to get him back, I know that I need to talk it slow to heal the wounds first, and become real friends second, and eventually start working the magic between us again, but how I should start doing so and make him both interested and becoming sure that I have changed (because I really have)…please give me tips on how to act around him in the mean time..I really feel that we are meant to be…please SOS as soon as possible 🙁

admin

February 3, 2014 at 5:54 pm

Have you read my guide on how to keep a guy once you get him back?
Judy

February 4, 2014 at 6:41 pm

oh my god…when you told me to read “how to keep a guy once you get him back”, I was like “what the…i didn’t get him back!”…and then I read it, and it’s like you were speaking to my soul!..Now I understand that I have to let go of my own insecurities about my relationship with him, that I should work on us being friends, and at the same time..However, I feel like maybe he has forgotten how we were, how madly in love we were, and how he used we were each other’s everything. Do you think that just being my fun, free spirited self and let go of arguments that it would be enough for him to remember why he loves me?…and I know that it’s not over for both of us, I KNOW that he still cares, so I am aware that I am not heading towards a dead-end, but I need HELP on how to remind him of “us”..SOS PLEASE 🙂

abha

February 2, 2014 at 3:59 am

but after two weeks of that..he started liking my pic.of staus on
facebook.. not only that after two weeks he messaged me all the best for the program i was going to attend ..he remembered the date when i had to go for it… i simply replied with thanks and cobtinue wid no contact rule…but then after 12 days to that i messaged him the same way you mentioned tht i just stumbled across… and he replied in very formal way and even asked me how was the program and when i am goi g for next program… but he didnt continued conversation for more than 5 minutes…just asked few things and said all the best for next program i was going to attend. and when i asked hows his work going after few minutes of that..he didnt replied…it left me confused as wether he is intererested still or just being normal friends… can u please help me understand this situation… i would be really greatful to you… waiting for your reply soon… thank u soo much

admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:47 pm

He is probably somewhere in that gray area where he doesn’t know what he wants.
abha

February 3, 2014 at 3:25 am

Thank You Chris… but what should i be doing now? should i continue NC? Looking forward for your reply

abha

February 2, 2014 at 3:52 am

Hi Chris, I met this guy in october 2013, and we started seeing each other..he was the one who approached me and wanted to know me..and because we have few common interest, i started seeing him..we both was very clear since beggining that we are seeing each other to know if we we can settle down together for long term. he was more serious towards me than i was but after two months when i asked him what have you thought of taking our relationship towards commitment and marriage then he said he is confused and asked me for space to think..i gave him space but then he said i m not having feelings now so lets just be friends.. i clearly said i cant be friends and since then i stopped talking to hin…i followed no contact rule.. we broke up on 8th jan…
Carly

January 31, 2014 at 10:41 pm

Hi, Chris!
My ex and I have been broken up for 3 weeks now, but I have a problem. We go to the same school (we’re both 16 and we’d been dating for a year and 8 months), and every time I try and do NC, he breaks it by contacting me in person. Honestly the furthest we’ve gone with NC is 6 days, and he broke it 3 times (I didn’t break it). Basically he’s trying to become my acquaintance by initiating small talk, maybe to try and relieve the awkwardness and move on or have me as a back up plan, I have no idea.

The thing is is that I’m stuck here!!! I can’t follow through a lasting NC without him contacting me IN PERSON within 4-6 days and I don’t know how to handle it. Do I keep ignoring him? Do I try and be his “acquaintance” because he might come to me later? I can’t find exact advice for my situation 🙁

admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:32 pm

Maybe you can change it to limited contact.

Ann

January 31, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Hi!

What if i messed the first meeting with my ex up after nc?
He was hinting on second meetings, found me attractive ( the bartender was actually flirting with me during the meeting ;)) and was asking me out about other guys.

However, i told him either a date but no friends! He got defensive and said that there is nothing left but special friendship like meetings (no benefits). He got annoyed of course as i got pushy..

He still wants to see me twice a week. Should I try and meet with him again under the idea of friends and try to win him back by being myself? Or am i too naive to believe he just wants to friends.
Btw he admits to have problems with opening up.

admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:26 pm

Have you read my guide on dates?
Ann

February 2, 2014 at 7:47 am

Yes! This week new meeting, new chance 🙂

But is it a date when he doesn’t see jt as a date because he clearly stated that he wants to be close friends?

Jennifer

January 30, 2014 at 4:34 pm

So, I have a really…strange situation. My ex and I broke up at the end of October. I moved 900 miles away back to my hometown in Ashland KY. 2 weeks after I moved back, I found out that I was pregnant. He’s been back and forth since he found about, about us getting back together. Recently he said we were going to work towards that, but last night he said he’s not ready to settle down. (There’s always some excuse, “I couldn’t trust you, you couldn’t trust me, I’m not in a good place, wait til I move there). He feeds me these lines that he misses me, he needs me back in his life, his life was better with me in it. If he were ready to settle down I would be the woman he would settle down with. He’s 28. We dated for a year. We were making wedding plans. He wanted this baby. I’m in love with him still and I want him back…do you think this would work??

admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:26 pm

How old are you?

Honestly, he should man up.

Jessa

January 29, 2014 at 2:01 am

So my ex and I broke up almost 4 years ago. It was a messy break up we met a few months before he had to leave, so we were long distance (he had just joined the military when we met.. We were together for nearly 2 years and the last few months was a “break” before we eventually broke up.. We started talking after 3 mths, (i was seeing someone) and hashed some things out and were “friends” up until he met someone new that demanded he cut contact.. 3 years past and now he’s isn’t with his girlfriend any more (for about 5 mths) and pops up out of nowhere wanting to mend fences and be friends.. He claims to be in therapy because he’s trying to work on himself and to help him get over his ex that cheated on him while he was deployed (he says he’s over it now).. I honestly don’t know what to think, the weird thing is that his brother contacted me (we rarely talk, but still facebook friends) asking how i was and if i was with the same guy shortly after this break up. My ex and I have talked for a few hours on and off, here and there (it’s only been a couple of weeks). We caught up a little, joked around, he sent me pictures of his place, a beautiful beach sunset with his friends and the house he is trying to buy.. I told him about the rocky relationship I’ve been through and was giving up on relationships all together and he stressed not to give up, We hashed some more things out about our break up in particular and why, I told him I still wasn’t over how it ended and told him that I still have lingering feelings for him, he apologised for huting me and that he knows what he did was wrong.. I told him that I’d understand if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore after I told him I still loved him but for some reason he insisted that it was ok and just wants to make things fine again. Also that he wished things turned out differently.. I don’t know what any of this means, sometimes he’s emotionally cool (No idea if it’s an act or not) and othertimes he’ll try to cheer me up and make me laugh when I’m having a bad day.. Today, I confessed to a romantic suprise I had planned ( a surprise visit during the break) but didn’t get to do, but he seemed to really like that, It’s only been a couple weeks and our conversations have been through messaging.. I don’t know what to do, if this is strictly friends zone or if there’s even a chance of something more.. please help, sorry this is so long but it’s a bit of a real life soap opera.
monteeee

January 28, 2014 at 10:21 am

Hi Chris:
Great writing skills and is very honest in all your guides! You could probably pick up girls with this easily 😛

I am confused about this friend zone with my situation, maybe others too and I am hoping you could point out.

Briefly: approx 7 year relationship (he talked about marriage 1 month before we break up) ended 2 months ago. I am the dumpee.

Reason: ex thinks I am always unhappy, he is not able to make me happy, he had a low self esteem about what I liked about him, he get attention/flirting with girls online – caused fights – after he said I am too needy and emotional, stale relationship and there is this other girl: he dated her a few days after we broke up (they met 2 weeks before we broke up).

Now I might be over arrogant here, but there is little improvements to be done to my looks and figure, good education/job but bit clueless with dating, and this girl he is with is no where as good as me in most aspects, smoker, had abortion, cheated on her ex, daddy issues etc and shes 19 (we are about 25s).

I did not beg to get back, talked about it calmly at the start, he rejected so I went on NC (I didn’t know what it was before haha just felt like it was the right thing). Broke NC cos he wanted his mums phone back, then went back to NC after for a bit (together about 3-4 weeks ish of NC) . He then initiates contact via IM asking for things back, asking how I am, if I am coping, who I have been hangout etc, said he never cheated on me, says break up was sudden for him, he felt sad, guilty etc but we can not get back together (though this was right after break up), brought up one or two old memories, I did responded to some when I felt I should.

I told him its best not to contact me, but after 2 weeks he started asking how things every couple days and asked if I had his books (so I answered that bit) then he says he missed singing with me. he is always responsive after NC.

After he saw me in mutual friends party, he found my new mobile number and:
* asked me if I am planning to date his friends (?!! no comment here lol)
* said “if we go to mutual friends parties in the future etc I can get lift from him/his gf/his friends. If I can feel ready to be close to him like an ordinary friend” Ie offering me friendzone?

Now I do want to get back with him because without the fights, random ultimatums mostly the relationship was very enviable, and we did love eachother and there was good physical chemistry though we planned to only sleep together after marriage (though lol I am not sure how things will be if he slept with his new date to be honest).

My question:
He cares, but not enough to want to get back obviously, so:
Should people in my situation tell the ex I have lingering feeling and can’t be friends?
Do I continue to ignore his questions about my self or answer on my own terms/when I am free etc? NC sure has helped getting his attention to initiate contact etc, but I do not think it will be enough to get him to regret his decision and come back though, especially since he is still dating.

Sorry for the long post, I know my writing is not as good as yours 😉 but appreciate your time!
Thank you!

Ann

January 30, 2014 at 11:06 am

Hi!

What if i messed the first meeting with my ex up after nc?
He was hinting on second meetings, found me attractive ( the bartender was actually flirting with me during the meeting ;)) and was asking me out about other guys.

However, i told him either a date but no friends! He got defensive and said that there is nothing left but special friendship like meetings (no benefits). He got annoyed of course as i got pushy..

He still wants to see me twice a week. Should I try and meet with him again under the idea of friends and try to win him back by being myself? Or am i too naive to believe he just wants to friends.
Btw he admits to have problems with opening up.
admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:39 pm

I wouldn’t tell him flat out not to be friends I just would avoid having that conversation at all costs right now.

Making him regret his decision will have to come AFTER NC and it is not going to be easy but it is very possible.
Monteeee

January 28, 2014 at 11:02 pm

Thanks Chris! After NC do you mean I should continue with no contact for the one being still? Or working on contact methods
admin

January 29, 2014 at 6:49 pm

Sorry you lost me a little bit here.

Not sure I get what you are asking?
Monteeee

January 29, 2014 at 9:20 pm

Sorry(autocorrect) you said regret only comes after Nc. So does that mean I should continue on with NC or start communicating properly?

Seso

January 28, 2014 at 1:36 am

He told me he wants to be friends with me because my friend went to him and told him that .. My best friend taired and she alaways cry from you I didn’t tell her to do that but he’s like okay fine ill leave her alone and just be friends with her ..and then he called me and told me I just wanna be friends with !! He told me that he loves me but that’s better for us .. I told him okay as you like ! What do you think about this story ?

admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:19 pm

I am not sure I can understand what you want me to tell you? Do you want him back?

Jessica

January 27, 2014 at 11:15 pm

I just asked him yesterday to stop contacting me, he said he understood and would respect that. Today he deleted me from everything. I will stick to the NC for 30 days, but wanted to know if that is normal.
tamika

January 27, 2014 at 3:31 am

I was doin the no contact rule wit my ex boyfriend..Okay so my exboyfriend starts to contact me by text and phone jus to see what im doin or to come over..but he always says he can jus stay a lil bit..we always end up havin sex..but then after that he can go days without talkin to me..i dont understand..then he will call me again and ask if i wuld like to spend the nite..yes i will do it..but the next day we are bck to the no contact for another couple days..i wont call him and he wont call me..he say he wrk alot..he never tells me he moved on or is seein sumone..but he tells me about everything else that goes on in his life like we still together..but he dont take me out anymore. But he do make sure we see each other on holidays like new years and his birthday..so i still see his friends and they still talk like me and him are together..im very confused how he feels about me..whats really goin on..we were together 6months..we been broke up for 3 months..but he never really stopped talkin to me the whole breakup..what shuld i do..im goin emotionally crazy..what to do
Jessica

January 27, 2014 at 1:06 am

Hey, Chris
For the ones that won’t get a reply from their exes, “I have a confession to make” – we talk about something about the relationship? Shouldnt we avoid stuff like that? Thanks.

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Umm… I would say only do the I have a confession if you absolutely 100% need a response. Otherwise, just try another first contact method.

Sarah

January 24, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I dated my first and ex boyfriend for a year and a half and we broke up in November, 2013. He is 22 and I am 24, and we were quite serious about each other. We were in a long distance relationship but he came to my country every month for me from UK. I know he had feelings for me and he told me last July that he saw his future with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We had our ups and downs and things got a little worse when he was in UK in October and after he came back to my country and surprised me by coming three days earlier, we got into a huge fight and he told me that he cant keep on hurting me like this and that he has become a horrible human being and he wants to be a better person and he cannot be selfish to drag me down with him so he broke up with me and told me that he will go back UK cos he has nothing to do here.

After two weeks my friend told me that his family and his elder sister, who couldn’t stand the fact that I was his first priority in life whereas she wanted to be that person, took a proposal to a girls house in September while were still together and fixed his marriage with an 18 year old girl. But when i asked her, she denied that and told me that when I’m not in touch with his brother, she finally gets her brother back and he seems to be happy.

I was being told that the whole marriage thing wasnt true and in December my friend showed me his engagement picture (in our country, they throw engagement ceremonies to make it official that two people will get married at some point in life, not that the guy proposed the girl, but its just the families who want them to get married.) I was shocked and felt betrayed and I didn’t try to contact him. He called me few days back and told me how horrible he feels to have done this to me and said that his family fixed his marriage because they think he will become a better human if he gets married and responsible too. The girl he got engaged to in 18 years old and her family also made her break up with her boyfriend of 4 years and fixed her marriage with him. he told me that he wants to spend to the rest of his life with her because he thinks love isnt everything. and that he knows that his family gambled with his marriage and he now thinks its too late but he realizes what kind of a companion i was.

He called me the next day and told me that he respects me a lot and would be more than happy if at any point in life he could help me in any way and asked me to forget all the feelings and emotions we had a remain good friends. He said he wants to be present in my life and said that he almost died out of guilt after his engagement and his fiance helped him a lot in this. I told him this wont be a good idea and asked him not to contact me again, and then he told me that he understands but he would always have my back and would like it if i ever contact him and he wants to do the same. He told me that he might be delaying his marriage but I told him that I cant be friends with him if he is married.

He gave me his email address and asked me to mail him whenever I want to and he wanted to do the same but I blocked his ID and he requested me to unblock him. he said there should be some way where we can be in touch but I asked him not to be in touch with me.

I want him to be present in my life but cant let that happen right now because he is engaged. But why is he so eager to be in touch with me? He told me that we can be amazing friends if we forget our past and our feelings and he wants to be present in my life because he wants to be happy for me. He doesn’t wanna lose contact. Is there any way ge might change his mind of getting married and break the engagement off? They are not in love with each other, thats for sure, their families fixed the marriage cos they think this is going to be best for them. but what can i do to make him miss me? I have been through thick and thin with this guy and now all of a sudden just cos his family thinks this marriage will be best for me and he feels the same now, he made someone he knows for two months his first priority. I know this feeling is normal especially when u’re rejected for someone else, but since he is not in love with her, and wants me to be present in his life, i am quite confused. he is an amazing friend and i want him to be present in my life too. but i cant do that if he is married. It still hurts when he talks about his fiance, even though he doesn’t much but it hurts. What should i do? I might be going to UK this Fall and he said that our paths will cross one day and it has to. when that happens he requested me to share a meal with him. and when i said its highly unlikely, he said that he knows that one day our paths will cross even if its after years and he would love to catch up with me. This is confusing and since I havent seen any case like this, I really dont know what to do.
Sarah

January 24, 2014 at 2:20 pm

I dated my first boyfriend for a year and a half. We had feelings involved. I know for a fact that he respected me a lot but I think he felt intimidated. I’m 24 and he is 22, and after we broke up in November, his family fixed a girl for him and they got engaged in December and he didnt even tell me anything. I was hurt when I saw their engagement picture and since I didn’t know for sure that he was actually looking forward to be with this girl for the rest of his life, I was shocked and it was very hurtful. It still is cos he asked me to marry him when we were in a relationship and he wanted his parents to know about me. We planned on so many things but he was convinced by his family that if he gets married it will help him to be a better person and responsible. That girl also broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years cos her family also thinks this is what is best for her. After I saw the picture I knew for a fact I was betrayed and even though my feelings aren’t gone completely but I know it’s too late now. He called me after a month he got engaged, from a different country, he called me few days back and told me how horrible he feels to have done this to me. He apologised and told me that sometimes marriage isnt all about love, it sometimes is required to rectify urself and help urself be a better human. He wanted to stay friends with me saying that he respects me a lot and it’s beyond words how much he does so he would be more than happy if he can help me in any way at any point in my life. I told him that maybe it won’t be a good idea but he said that he would love to be present in my life and wishes to be. He says he might delay the marriage but what he wants is to be friends. I talked to him for two days on the phone and then I realised that it hurts when he talks about her fiancé who is 18 years old. I feel angry sometimes, thinking that I am the one who has been through thick and thin with him, loved him and now he got a better option and someone he knows for only two months is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He told me that he will always always have my back and that there are certain things about him only I know because he trusts me the most. He told me that he almost died out of guilt after he got engaged and his fiancé helped him out of this. I told him that we shouldn’t be friends and I can’t be in touch with him if he is married so asked him not to contact me, but he said that he believes that our paths will cross someday and he requested me that if it does, we should share a meal together and catch up. I don’t want him to get married neither do I want to be with him right now, but i wanna know what can be done so that we both can become good friends again without him getting married. Cos I don’t wanna be his friend if he gets married to her, cos I don’t wanna be the other woman in his life. But is there any way he might change his mind and breaks off the engagement? I know they aren’t in love with each other, their families fixed the marriage for them. So they just accepted it.

admin

January 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm

She is awfully young…. 18 years old?
Sarah

January 24, 2014 at 6:44 pm

yes, but he told me that the marriage might get delayed, and that both of their families think that this marriage will be best for the both of them. I have no intention of getting involved with him in any romantic relationship, but i wouldnt mind having him as a friend. right now, since it is new, im not liking the fact that someone else is going to take the place i was supposed to take, but this is it, even if he is single i will not be with him but stay in touch. so what is going through his head? and what should i do?
Sarah

January 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

and I’m sorry, I posted my cases twice, thought the first time it didn’t get posted. and I had to type all over again. but it’s so confusing. I asked him to let me know if he needs anything, and he said he will if I don’t mind that is. I know he is just seeking for attention from me now that things are quite “intense” between us like we see in movies lol. but i am really looking forward to date real men and most certainly not him. but he is an amazing friend, and i told him that we would have been better friends if we never dated. he agreed and we can make each other laugh like crazy and we both are very ambitious. as long as i dont expect anything i wont be hurt right? cos i know he will eventually marry this girl.

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