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Martha
January 23, 2014 at 7:45 am
My now ex and I dated for a year and 2 months , we would argue a lot specially because he would always put his friends first , so a week ago (jan14-) we decided to be friends , he was crying saying he would always love me but that we are better as friends , so we stayed friends for a week until I told him I couldn’t be friends that it hurted me so we lasted a day with n/c until I messaged him …again we talked he says he loves me but that he was tired of arguing that all we can be is friends even if he loves me… I really do t know what to do he’s 23 I’m 25 it’s was my first relationship so it’s my first break up all I do is cry and think
Of him …some people tell me to do the no contact thing , and some say keep him as a friend and try to make him fall in love again….I really dont Know what to do:(
Jessi
January 22, 2014 at 6:38 pm
Dear Chris,
Before I start off I just wanted to say thank you. It’s great what you’re doing so Keep it up 😀
So basically me and this guy have been best friends for a year and after he broke up with his gf (they were together for like a month) I kinda started liking him more..
So once in a Club I told him kiss me and he was like I don’t want us to do anything that we could regret after. I moved a bit closer look him in the eye and we ended up making out.
We met the next day and talked about what happened and realized that we both liked each other.
So we started dating, told all our friends about us and made it official.
The next 2 months we spend as a couple were wonderful. (honeymoonphase.. whatever haha) We even had sex. (well I was a virgin so that’s kinda a big Thing for me haha)
Thing is he told me that there was something blocking him, but he wanted to work on it cause he really wanted this relationship.
2 days ago he broke up with me.
He said that he had no Feelings for me and that it hurts cause im everything that he had ever wished for and that the past 2 months he was trying to built up some love Feelings but that it just didnt work and that he really wants us to stay friends, best friends, cause he doesnt want to lose me.
Thing is i really really fell for him and im still into him.
I just cant believe that he never felt anything. the way he acted, those Looks he gave me were full of love.
I know i cant enforce any Feelings but i think that he has Feelings for me, he just seems to not admit it.
If you could help me, well thatd me great 🙂
peace out! 😀
admin
January 24, 2014 at 4:35 am
That look in the eye always gets me…
ALWAYS..
So, looks like you have to work on reigniting his feelings towards you.
s
January 22, 2014 at 5:57 am
I’ve been reading the guides (and comments) for the last few months.
My story: I met a guy through a friend. He pursued me with casual text message/conversations daily for about a month. We started seeing each other 1 month of which was long distance (relationship only lasted two months). I had travel plans/he had travel plans. Once we finally were both in the same city again we saw each other for a short time and then he dumped me because I wanted us to be sexclusive (deal breaker for me). He was in the process of divorce and was not ready to be in a relationship (and/or was just not that interested in me). During the breakup I expressed my disappointment but did not beg or try to argue him into a different decision. I knew better than that. He offered to be friends and I let him know that would be too hard for me considering how intense our relationship had been up until that point. And you will be happy to know I never made any of the post break up mistakes and had thrown myself into improving my confidence levels, work, fitness, wardrobe etc. I wasn’t in too bad a spot to begin with but whatever I could improve I did!
Cut to 4 months later, I run into him on the way to a 1st date. Just so happens he was on his way to a date as well. AT THE SAME PLACE! But I digress. I had been in NC this whole time and when we ran into each other I was pleasant but not overly friendly. He said all the usual things: “How had I been? He had been thinking of me. We should go get coffee sometime.” All of which I was skeptical about and told him so. We chatted some more and then went our separate ways. He then texted me the next day to see how the date went. I was vague and left it at that. I waited till about 20 days later before I texted him that I would take him up on coffee. At this point I had been reading up on your guides and read your book as well.
We met up, had coffee, pleasant banter and conversation and towards the end of the meet up he asked me about the date again. I just let him know it wasn’t there for me and he told me it didn’t net out to anything for him either. I didn’t know what to say to that – Good? I’m Sorry? I let him know I had to go. Gave him a quick hug and left. I didn’t ask for plans and he didn’t offer.
We’ve texted somewhat every week or so after that but it’s almost all me initiating. I would always get positive or neutral responses and the ratios were all 1:1 or more heavily weighted on his end. He also added me to Facebook (I had sent a request when we were dating that he never accepted – I also found that odd) and then even left a post on my wall. Two weeks ago he texted me out of the blue to see a movie and we ended up watching something at my house. Here is the kicker – he did not try ANYTHING. I was prepared to shut him down but was thoroughly confused by this turn of events.
It’s been almost two weeks since us hanging then without any contact from him (I do know he was traveling for a part of that). I just let things lay and today I sent him a link to a restaurant we had talked about as a Facebook message. No response.
For myself I think I need to just let this go and walk away with the ball remaining in his court. I would like to date him but I don’t NEED to date him (as you say in your guides) and this roller coaster of emotions is kind of crazy making. I will say that going through this process has at least me come to peace with things. I really gave it my best and in the end I just don’t think he wants me or at least not enough to engage me in a relationship on the level that I’m ready for and deserve.
So any advice or thoughts on the situation at this point? Do you think I’m accurate in reading Friendzone/Not interested?
admin
January 22, 2014 at 6:04 pm
I think his actions aren’t great but I wonder if you laid back a little bit and tried again later if you would get a response.
S
January 23, 2014 at 2:26 am
Update: He finally responded back a day later and included a follow up question. It really seems like he can sense when I’m ready to throw in the towel before I get another crumb of attention…
I plan to mirror his delay times in responding (if at all at this point). So I this case tomorrow or later on in the week (but not at night). Is this what you mean by backing off more? It seems aggravating that a feeler no pressure text two weeks since last contact could be perceived as crowding his space…
In the meantime I’m lining up dates and plan to go out with friends as I have been 😉
precious
January 18, 2014 at 10:15 am
okay so me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years. we had numerous fights and break ups not lasting for more than a day or two. he said rude stuff when angry and clarified only when I asked him for like hundred times. last month we broke up because he said he cannot be with a clingy and jealous person. but after 5 days of crying and begging he came back to me. and I accepted him. now he says it was a mistake and he broke up with me because he thinks the relationship is dead. its been a week and I have been crying and begging. and he’s not replying. he wants us to be best friends though. he also texted my roommate to take care of me.
I want him back and I’m ready to do anything. do I still stand a chance?
ps I have to see him everyday in class and we have same friends.
Kirsty
January 17, 2014 at 10:16 pm
Hi Chris
My ex and i were in a relationship for two months, we were long distance and we met online. He used to treat me like a princess but because i have been so stressed out i have been starting a lot of arguments, we broke up a couple of days ago because he was stressed out and he couldnt choose between me and this other girl, he says that he just wants to be friends a nd doesn’t want to be in another relationship ever again. Should the NC rule work as he is very stubborn and he seems certain that he has made his mind up, Thankyou 🙂 x
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:18 am
It can work.
You might want to read all my stuff on the NC rule.
Carissa
January 17, 2014 at 8:36 pm
It is day 37 of this No Contact thing. And it’s really weird, because my ex bf keeps talking to me and I don’t look at him and I only give him a one word answer back and then I go find my friends and be all very happy, and NOT sad. But it feels like he is trying to be my friend in the worst way? Why would he want to be my friend so badly where there are 400 other kids he could be friends with? And it seems like he’s always popping up where I am. And he brings up things that I put on facebook. And my friends say he’s always looking at me. Now, is my ex bf regretting this and likes me? Or does he just really want to be friends, but I don’t get how he would want to, there are other friends he could have and he is the one who broke up with me! And it seems like he’s trying so hard to be my friend and why would he TRY so hard? And he doesn’t text me at all, and I think he thinks I am mad at him because I don’t look at him or talk to him. So does he want me back…. Or not. Please help.
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:17 am
Is there any reason why you went past the initial 30 days of NC?
Carissa
January 23, 2014 at 4:05 am
Yes, because he goes to school with me and I want everything to work out. I’m giving it 45 days and it is now day 41 and I know he looks at me all the time and still says hi to me but I keep looking down and I say hi back. Is he trying so badly to be my friend or does he actually like me??
kelly
January 14, 2014 at 8:27 am
Hi Chris!
I’m not good at English, so i hope you can understand what i’m about to say, thanks. Me and my ex boyfriend just broke up one week ago, we have been in relationship for 4 months and we were happy together, he is so nice to me, although we were in some arguments like i was not friendly with his family, and sometimes i look cold and not expressive so he couldn’t tell if i was happy or not. After that, he said that he would have to work very far away from me in different city in 6 months, he wanted to focused on his work, he dedicated his life for his work, so it’s not fair for us, and he was not ready for a long relationship, he used to get hurt from exes relationship and i referenced his ex a lot, so his heart is protective now, he always follows his mind, although he said that he still likes me, but i deserved a boyfriend who could spend a lot of time for me, he was not sure that we were good for each other in the future. But he hopes we still can stay friends, he wanted to be my friend for me while he is still here. From now on, it still have 2 months left for him to work here. He decided we should not see each other then because it would be less painful for me, but i asked him one more night and i made that night was unforgettable for him, we had naughty fun and enjoyed each other, he still cares about me, looks after me and very thoughtful as he was. After that night, he still texts me like usual every night, we talked a lot and even had dirty talks. We still attract each other a lot. Then he said that he had a lot of regret, about making me sad and the way he had to leave, he hope when he came back, he would be mature and ready for a long relationship, and if we meant to be together, we would find each other again. I’m really confused, what should i do? Staying friends, nothing or No Contact rules. If i use No Contact rules, what should i do if he text me first?
Thanks for your time.
Lea
January 13, 2014 at 9:51 am
Hi chris,
Me and my ex boyfriend are back on speaking terms now and he wants to hang out constantly like stay over my house go to the movies etc, we’ve hung out a couple of times and he acts like we’re a couple again, only problem is is that he’s in a new relationship and says we can only be friends!
I don’t even know where to go from here, help me!!!
admin
January 13, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Then don’t kiss him or anything like that but make him want to kiss you sooooo bad.
Lea
January 13, 2014 at 6:37 pm
is that possible to do though when he has a new girlfriend and says he only wants us to be friends?
admin
January 14, 2014 at 5:28 pm
Anything is possible yes.
Lea
January 14, 2014 at 6:58 pm
thankyou chris, we have a lot of history as we were together for nearly 3 years I just don’t want to get my hopes up especially now he has a girlfriend.
Brittany
January 13, 2014 at 8:34 am
How do I enforce the no contact rule when we live together, share a room, share household clean (I do his wash/he does my dishes) and have a lease for 6 more months? I need to know how to make him want me again, and it’s kind of hard when we see each other everyday.
admin
January 13, 2014 at 6:26 pm
You will have to do limited contact. Act like a respectful roommate.. as bestyou can hahaha.
Sophie
January 13, 2014 at 1:06 am
basically me and my now ex were together a couple of months after meeting from plenty of fish. he kinda pushed me into a relationship telling his friends im his girlfriend after the second date. and making me meet his nan etc.
well over the christmas period i stayed mostly over his house, i asked if he wanted space and he said no.
well the past week he was really quiet. so we got into an argument if he wants to be together which he said he likes me but hes not sure how far itll go although he told me he loved me the other week. i walked out and he was refusing to answer my texts.
well i got drunk last night and tried to get an answer if we’re still together and he told me to come over today to talk.
i got to his today and basically he said he isnt ready for a relationship which i accepted but then he admits he kissed someone else behind my back when we wernt talking and that he only sees me as a friend which he hid for well over a month so his parents shouted at him as i was upset.
which i dont understand why he’d meet my parents then if he seen us as just friends? or why he’d tell me he loved me?
anyway i dont want it to end like this,
do you think the nc rule would work? or have i screwed up too much?
admin
January 13, 2014 at 6:21 pm
No I think NC would be really good for you.
skye
January 12, 2014 at 7:54 pm
My bf an I broke up a year ago and dating someone new, I tried the n c for at least 2week then I broke it off then now he want us to be friends. He unfriend me off fb then add me again I am confused
admin
January 13, 2014 at 6:14 pm
It is just the normal Facebook stuff that happens. Don’t let it affect you that much.
skye
January 23, 2014 at 3:09 pm
I am in n c but I am going to see him. At. School what should I do?
skye
January 14, 2014 at 11:26 pm
But what should I do now he is happy with his new girl..
admin
January 15, 2014 at 6:41 pm
Have you read by guide on this?
Anastasia
January 10, 2014 at 12:18 am
Hey Chris!
I’ve been seeing someone on and off for the past 6 months. In the past 6 months, we’ve been through hell and back, but through all of our rough times it made me realize how much I do care for him. We didn’t speak for 2 weeks, and recently he sent me a message that he wants to be on good terms with me. We ended up going out one night, and of course one thing led to another. He’s so loving and caring when I’m around, but we spoke yesterday and he said there’s no chance that he’s going to give me another chance. After he said that, I stopped responding to his messages, and he was asking me to “please say something”.
I’m going into NC starting today. But here’s the catch…we work together every Friday and Saturday. So regardless, I will have some sort of contact with him.
Any hope here?
Shambi
January 7, 2014 at 10:46 am
hey chris
my ex dumped me over xmas and we met yesterday to give our stuff back and decided were not gonna talk for a few weeks. He said he broke up with me cos he needs to be on his own, cos hes got so much going on his head and life that he just can’t be in a relationship anymore. So I’m in the friendzone from day 1 of NC, is it possible to get someone back like that? He doesn’t seem to miss me and kept saying everything to put me off him and got so annoyed at the idea that perhaps one day we might get back together ( i was saying that time changes things and we dont know whether we’ll like each other again or not) and he got a bit annoyed.
Rebecca
January 7, 2014 at 8:17 pm
your situation is just like mine!!
Shambi
January 8, 2014 at 6:45 pm
oh thank god im not the only one ha! Chris’s website is so helpful just needs advice from the man himself- hopefully he can help at least one of us out!
admin
January 10, 2014 at 1:01 am
Whats up guys how can I help?
Shambi
January 10, 2014 at 10:17 pm
basically my ex wants to be friends and we agreed not to talk for a few weeks. He wouldnt even entertain the idea of getting back together, but last night he tweeted “somethng wrong with me, always seem to muck up a good thing”
I dont know how to react as we agreed to NC until I’m ready..
Alisha
January 6, 2014 at 9:41 am
Sigh Chris I followed your advice and it’s been over two months now and hopefully my ex and I hang out now. We are on speaking terms and when we hang out its like old times. Thanks so much for this. Didn’t think I’d even get this far. He definitely has feelings for me and he even said so but he’s more of a logical guy.
Again we got into the break up talk and he still is sticking onto his belief. He just doesn’t think im right for him despite all the obvious signs.. I’m getting so frustrated with this. I really don’t know how to progress.. do I still have a chance?
michelle
January 6, 2014 at 1:57 am
So I’m on day 10 of NC, and my boyfriend has only texted me once.
He asked me to be his friend, so I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to make contact with me again.
According to my friend, hes been writing some sad sounding tweets on his Twitter.
I’ve come to find out that he has yet to change his relationship status.
A part of me feels like it is a good thing, the other feels angry.
Why would he leave it like that?
admin
January 6, 2014 at 6:32 pm
Maybe he just hasn’t gotten around to changing it yet. It will change eventually I am betting.
michelle
January 10, 2014 at 4:49 am
He changed it yesterday.
Anyway, I wanted to give an update.
So after he contacted me the first time & never bother to do it again, I went crazy & caved in -_-
I texted him to see how he was & we had a normal conversation.
That was a problem for me, it gave me anxiety just knowing that it was a normal conversation & nothing more.
That’s how I knew that I was definitely not ready to talk to him again.
So now I’m starting NC over again.
I’m so mad at myself,I was 11 days in.
I feel like this could mess the whole process up.
Brandy
January 5, 2014 at 3:17 am
I met this guy on pof and we really hit it off. He told me that he really liked me and I was to good to be true. He has done the hole pull back for a day then come back to me thing. He has said that everytime we hang out that we get stronger. Here is the problem, I came across to aggressive and forceful and I pushed him away. He told me today
Him: I’m putting my foot down and not wasting anymore of our time
Me: so do you want to end things completely
Him: we can be friends
Me: that’s fine, since we are friends do you think things would have been different if I wasn’t so forceful
Him: possibly….I think so
So now what am I suppose to do? I really like this guy and don’t want to lose him but I am afraid that if I do the NC then he might go back to his ex that is pressuring him to get back together. What should I do and do you think he is still interested?
Thanks,
Brandy
admin
January 5, 2014 at 8:08 pm
Of course, I recommmend NC. I think itll have the opposite effect that you think.
melissa
January 4, 2014 at 3:19 am
Ok so my boyfriend broke up with me a week before Christmas. Saying he wanted to be single and we should be friends. I told him I couldn’t then he got upset saying we should be nothing. That we shouldn’t talk at all, well atleast not for awhile. I did the “friend” thing with him before. What hurt the most he is now in a rebound. He told me he had feelings for someone else that day. For the past fifteen days on and off I have texted him. But last night instead of begging or whatever I just sent a text thanking him for everything we had together. The most amount of days I have survived no contact were 4 or 5. But after reading your stuff and your article about rebound relationships I am ready for the challenge. I atleast left him with something amazing to read. I just hope that I didn’t ruin my chances because when I said I didn’t want to be friends he did say that we shouldn’t talk or atleast for awhile.
If is start NC today did I ruin my chances?
Also our whole relationship had a lot of happy memories and we never fought but talked out our issues when they arouse. So even though he is with some rebound right now do you think he misses me and do you think I have a shot? I am worried because we were only together 5 months and not a year. So if I combine the no contact and chose to not be his friend despite the “rebound” do you think it will work?
admin
January 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm
I don’t see how it can ruin your chances.
Sally
December 29, 2013 at 2:42 am
PLEASE HELP
My ex bf just broke up with me recently because he said he just wanted to be single and to have fun his senior year in high school. He said he lost the passion and fire for me, because he wants to spend time with his family more, which doesn’t make sense because he was doing that! And he told me that I am beautiful and I have everything. (He told me that after we broke up.) and it is now day 17 of the 30 day contract. And this guy is a stubborn guy and sticks to his plan, so idk if the plan will work. I want it to, because I really want him back. He gave me a christmas present of a necklace, and it said, “I hope we can still be friends.” I didn’t say thankyou at all, because of the 30 day contract. And right after we broke up, I asked him, “When you want a relationship, will you come back to me?” and he said, “idk Sally, I will cross that bridge when it comes.” He also told him mom this, “When I come back from college and Sally comes back home from college, maybe we will fall in love then?” He also told me his heart just didn’t click. It’s because he is too immature to be a bf and just wants to be single to have fun. I’m sad and I just want him back. Please help.
admin
December 29, 2013 at 6:58 pm
Are you in NC?
Sally
December 30, 2013 at 12:09 am
Yes, I am in no contact, and my friends say he looks at me sometimes, so that’s how I know he looks at me. We also went to the same party and he didn’t even talk to his friends. He just sat there on the couch being a loner, looking sad. But I don’t make any contact with him or I don’t talk to him, and it’s now day 18.
Ashley
December 28, 2013 at 3:34 am
So my ex recently joined the army. We were friends for years and dated before his basic training. Unfortunately, we started arguing a lot from constantly hanging out then he dumped me before his basic training. After about a month, I get a letter of him begging me to take him back. We dated for a while, and he even proposed, then we started arguing again and he dumped me again. We saw each other this past weekend, and really connected, however–we ended on a bad note, and When I texted him, he said “I can’t tell the future, but right now-we aren’t working because everything I do irritates you.” Today is my first day of no contact, do you see any hope?
admin
December 28, 2013 at 7:44 pm
Sure I do!
Danielle
December 24, 2013 at 3:20 am
So things with my ex and I haven’t been the greatest. We did NC for a few weeks and then when we saw each other in person again, he was all over me and told me he still loved me & had feelings for me. But then like a week later we got into a huge fight that ended with a lot of mean words and us deleting each other’s #’s. It’s been a little over a month since we’ve seen each other. We have a lot of mutual friends and I’ve heard from them that he asks about me (i.e. if I talk about him, if I’m out with other guys, etc) but then he said that he doesn’t ever want to be with me again.
So I sent him a longggg message on Facebook practically pouring my heart out (I was a lil drunk -.-) and got no response, of course. But then I texted him yesterday and we talked a lil bit but it wasn’t exactly a great talk. He pretty much said “We’re cool, we’re friends, but that’s it. We can’t hang out or chill, just talk and text over the phone. I don’t think us seeing each other in person is a good idea. It’ll never be like it used to be, and if you can handle that then we’re cool, but if not then I’m sorry.”
So he’s said more than a few times now that he doesn’t want me back, he just wants to be friends. He said he cares about me and has love for me, but it’ll never be like it once was, that he’s already made up his mind. We texted some today but he only gives me one word answers. Our convo pretty much went –
Me: Morning
Him: Mornin
Me: What’s up?
Him: Not Much
Me: You work today?
Him: Yea
Me: Ok I g2g, I’ll text you when I get off
Him: K
I get it, he doesn’t want to talk to me. He even said so last night “I’ll talk to you when I want to or can, but I don’t really feel the need to right now, sorry.” I just don’t get it. A month ago he was saying he loved me and was all into me, wtf!?
I guess I should lay off but I’m scared bc we’ve already gone a month without talking or seeing each other, and he still doesn’t want to see me in person. Do you think there’s any hope or does it sound like I’m permanently in the friend zone?
admin
December 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm
Yes, lay off for a bit.
Danielle
December 24, 2013 at 11:48 pm
Ok, that’s what I’ll do. I’m thinking I might send him a ‘Merry Christmas’ text tomorrow just to be friendly but after that, I’ll let him come to me … if he even does at all. I want to buy your e-book but be honest with me, does it even sound like I have a chance? How he’s already said that he’s made up his mind about not wanting me back and he doesn’t even want to see me in person at all, it kinda feels like I don’t :/
admin
December 26, 2013 at 5:46 pm
You have a chance but its not going to be easy.