What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

verabekova

December 22, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Hi Chris!

I have done no contact rule for 30 days. And then he still text me but i am not really sure if it is for being friends or he has feelings for me.
He constantly brings up excuses to meet. Like meeting to exchange our stuff which we left at each others house. I meet him to give his things. But he didn’t bring my stuff.

Now i need a plane to catch tomorrow at 7:45 in the morning. He is going to give me a ride to the airport because he bought the tickets and sometimes airline company need to see the credit card you used.

I have no idea what to do. When we talk it takes about 20 min. on the phone. When we meet, it takes 2.5 hours. We are having so much fun together laugh like hell.

I would be so happy if i could get some help from you.

Thanks 🙂
Flowerbomb

December 21, 2013 at 4:01 pm

Me and my boyfriend split up after 5 years. Afterwards he said he wanted to be friends as he still cared alot about me. I havent spoke to him since we broke up and am on day 20 of no contact. However i was hoping for some advice as he text me yesterday to see how i am. I havent replied to him, but as it is christmas next week, i am worried i may run into him whilst out in the local pub etc, and am worried it may be awkward if we speak and he asks why i didn’t reply. I am unsure what to say in this situation. Could you offer any suggestions?

admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:33 am

Just act as classy as possible. Don’t give him any ammunition at all. Be pleasant and happy.
Flowerbomb

December 22, 2013 at 2:04 pm

Yes but what would i say should he ask why i havent replied to his texts?
admin

December 22, 2013 at 7:58 pm

That you needed time to yourself.

shreshtha

December 19, 2013 at 3:01 am

Hi Chris. First of all thanks for such amazing guidance. I m in a very sad phase of my relationship. One of my classmate met me after 12 yrs. We had great time and then he told me that he used to like me from the very childhood. And still likes me. Emotionally we got attached over regular chats. He used to say always that he is lucky to have me and want to spend alll time chatting with me. We met twice or thrice and had ***. Now he started to ignore me giving me excuses that there is prblm in his family and business is also upset bla bla. But when he chats on group he is perfectly fine. Two days before I stopped replying his chat on whatsapp. And he said can’t we be friends only. He said why u don’t rply my msg being online. I want to be friend with u bla bla… what should I do.? Pls guide

admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:30 pm

continue NC at this point.
shreshtha

December 20, 2013 at 2:36 am

Ok… I won’t. .. Thanks Chris.
sunshine

December 31, 2013 at 2:01 am

I made mistake with my ex AMD told my ex I was seeing someone else to make him pay more attention to me. Well he dumped me. Now we are just friends. I begged for the first month then we had the talk. He said he wanted nothing to do with me but hug me and kissed me.plus said he loved me.so I am dating now but I love this man so much and he text on my birthday’Christmas but once he found out I am dating he has a girlfriend. I told him I had to hear it from him because he told my step dad.no one had ever seen her but I a day 2 of nc.I don’t know what to do.
shreshtha

December 19, 2013 at 3:25 am

One que more… shud I del my whatsapp or let him see me online but no rply to his msgs… as we have few common friends who too are on whatsapp.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:31 pm

No just don’t log on to his chat.

Colleen

December 16, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Hi. So me and my ex were together for a year. We lived together, and of course had or ups and downs. I am currently 7 months pregnant with his child. He broke up with me when i was 6 months pregnant. He said he wanted his space,i was to hormonal and to be free an get the partying out of his system before the baby got here. I have done everything you are not suppose to do. I’m personally going to blame it on being pregnant and hormonal. But the biggest kicker is, none of this started till an 18 year old co worker of his came into the picture(He is 27 im 24). When she first started working there he commented on how cute and adorable she was. How he can talk and confide in her, and this scared the crap out of me. I went from no jealousy or trust issues, to scared every minute that he was getting closer and closer. Since we haven’t been together he has been hanging out with her, they have become friends with benefits and just wants us to be friends. I have tried NC and have made it only a week. Again, i really think me being pregnant has alot to do with all my emotions right now. An it is hard to completely not talk to him since i am. What do i do?? He didnt cheat on me with her, not physically atleast. And i still love him and want to be with him. I have never put so much effort in a relationship in my entire life. All i can think is a lost my family. Please help

admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:31 pm

Well, maybe you can do the limited form of no contact.

Rebecca

December 16, 2013 at 6:40 pm

I went into NC for 30 days and then my ex contacted me claiming he “misses me and cant get over me.” I continued to ignore him and he continued to pursue. It has been 2 weeks that we started talking frequently but when I asked “What are your intentions” he beat around the bush and said he just wants to be friends?! I said I cant just be friends when I still have feelings so dont bother. I am really surprised though. What would you suggest I do? Keep doing NC unless he says he wants me back, or stick around in a friendly way?

admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:31 pm

Do NC and then message him to reignite his feelings.

anon

December 12, 2013 at 12:14 am

Hey chris, so i did NC, got back in touch got my positive response and then cut the conversation short.Then he text me first and we had a conversation. He then asked to be friends, I said i didn’t know if I could and he said whatever you think is best and then asked me if I’d had any rebounds yet. I cut the conversation off very shortly after that. What should I do now? Should I go back into NC? How can i get him to think of me in a more romantic way. I honestly think if i went back into NC it would come out of the other side with him wanting to still just be friends. I need to get him to notice me again, but how? Help please

admin

December 12, 2013 at 6:59 pm

How can you get him to notice you again. Do you mean physically?
anon

December 13, 2013 at 9:39 am

I mean just in a romantic/emotional sense. He seems to see me as nothing more than a friend. We haven’t seen each other since the day we broke up so he doesn’t really see me, I’ve put nice photos up on facebook but nothing amazing. Do you think maybe a jealousy tactic might work here? He’s asking if I’ve had any rebounds yet which seems to me could be either one way or the other. He could be asking because he doesn’t like the idea of me moving on so quickly or because he’s simply ok with it and wants me to move on from him. He was asking this after he asked if we could be friends and I said I didn’t know. So basically I want to know why you think he’s asking about rebounds? How can I get him to notice me in a more emotional/romantic way? and do you think a jealousy tactic might work in this situation?
anon

December 13, 2013 at 9:43 am

Also I think a reason he was asking about rebounds is because he wanted me to ask him afterwards. I think he might have wanted to tell me about who he’s been seeing. I didn’t want to know so I didn’t ask. I think this was a wise decision as it gives me an air of not caring.

Erin

December 11, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Well its been 2 months since our break-up. He went through rebound mode the first month and then dropped all these girls he was “seeing” to work things out with me. He confessed he loves me. And insisted we take things slow. Well one date turned into no more dates, after the first and then he began treating me in the friend zone only getting the benefits of me acting like his girlfriend. Asking what to wear, asking me to pay for lunch or dinner,and take care of him when he was sick. Basically getting all of the benefits of me without having to be my boyfriend.

When we would hang out together and he would talk to girls I would get jealous and he would get upset if a guy asked me out or if I mentioned I was going to a friends house before I went to hang out with him.

After 3 weeks of this I went to his house to ask him what was going on…are we working things out to be with eachother or not? And he said he loves me but being in a relationship with me right now is not a priority. ( he does have a lot of other things to work on). He’s never been on his own taking care of himself. I said well if you don’t want to be with me than I cant be your friend and that means no contact whatsoever. He cried and cried and begged me not to make him make this decision.

We have a lot of mutual friends and I’ve decided to try to move on a bit, but also think this is the only way for things to work out for us in the future. If I do happen to run into him at an event. What is your advice on how I should interact with him or if I should even acknowledge him at all? Do I act cold if I do? What? I have set a vow of NC for 30 days and after the 30 days possibly going another 30 days. So that I have time to heal. He loves me a lot and considers me a very important person in his life but being around him is painful to me because I’m not with him. Also a side note–I’ve completely blocked him on every social outlet including fb but so that I wont see what events he RSVP’s to so that I don’t decide to go to an event just because he is going. But I do know that at some point we might run into each other and I just want to know how to approach the situation without ruining the chance of possibly getting him back later on when we are both ready but also giving me the space to heal.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 2:02 am

Sorry that was a lot… can you just ask me one question so I can be more effective.
Erin

December 12, 2013 at 4:05 pm

I guess my question is that how should I act around him if I do run into him? Should I ignore him? He seems to get really sad and frazzled when I do ignore him, which might actually lead to more fighting though.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:39 pm

No don’t ignore him just think of being really classy about everything.
Erin

December 12, 2013 at 9:09 pm

Also what are your thoughts on when a guy says he’s not sure and a relationship is not a priority with me or a girl right now,but insists on having you in his life including crying and begging and saying he loves you? The last night we were together when I officially told him I was not going to be his friend, he didn’t want to let go of me. Just wanted to hold onto me. Also I’ve specifically told him that I do not want any contact with him but he still likes my posts when I post in a social media group feed we are in. Isn’t this stepping over the boundaries a bit when it comes to giving us space and NC?
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:11 pm

To me it sounds like someone who is confused about what they want. On the one hand they like the freedom of being single but on the other hand they like having you to rely on. If you are there for him constantly though you are just going to get friendzoned…. So, that is why NC is a good idea.
Erin

December 13, 2013 at 7:23 pm

One last question. He said that he wants to call and talk to me on Christmas and New Years Eve. Or even see me. Should I even answer his call when its not even within the 30 day NC? I mean it is Xmas.
admin

December 14, 2013 at 9:51 pm

No you shouldnt, if you are in NC.
Vivian

December 14, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Sorry for posting on this post, but I’m in a similar situation. But I have already completed the 30 day no contact period. We go out but he says he doesn’t want a relationship right now. What do you recommend I do? Go back into NC?

Thanks!
admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:18 pm

No, you need to work on reigniting his feelings. Check out some of the guides on that.
Erin

December 12, 2013 at 9:11 pm

or maybe hes just not taking it seriously and thinks that I’m going to fold like I have been in the last 2 months.

Sexycat

December 10, 2013 at 10:57 pm

Okay, so I started nc after we had already been broken up for 2 months and he has texted me three times since I started nc. All of them have been small talk but he finally stopped texting two days ago. Has he given up or is there hope at all? He is also flirting with girls and getting nasty pics from coworkers and I’m afraid he is moving on. He told me they didn’t mean anything though when I called him out days before I went nc. Do you think I have a chance or should I just move on? I don’t know why but I crave him. Ever since I went nc all I do is constantly think about him (even more than when I was talking to him). I’m on day 7 and I’m wondering if it’s a lost cause trying to get him back.

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:29 am

I think you owe it to yourself to try everything before you move on (try everything in a smart way I mean.)

Maricela

December 6, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hi Chris. My mind won’t stop thinking of all the alternatives I should do and I don’t know what to do. Every friend gives me different advice. Do you think the NC will work if we have only been seeing each other for only 2.5 months?

I’ve been single for years, and I was so happy to finally meet a guy who seemed a great catch. I felt really lucky, and felt a connection on a many levels. He chased me for a while, got me flowers, and even told me his mom was inviting me over for dinner, twice (I didn’t go because I thought it was too early for that.) He told me he was lucky to have me, and was just very, very considerate and thoughtful. Just great. Then, one night we didn’t sleep much the night before, had a stressful week, and I accidentally drank too much, so much that I have memory losses of how horrible that night went. During that night I think I hurt his ego and gave him a hard time. I might have also told him that things were not working out between us, that I didnt trust him, and that he would leave me because I wanted something more serious, but I have a vague recollection of what I actually said. It was a lot of misunderstandings that I blew completely out of proportion because I drank too much. (We drank before, but this was the only time I over-did it. This is also our first fight.) I also decided that it was a good idea to drink and drive, which he feels strongly against because of previous really bad experiences of personal losses. At the time, of course, I was not making any rational decisions. Basically, the night was horrible and I had no control. I don’t remember being offensive, but I was definitely blunt and forceful, and then a bit needy and insecure, asking him if he still liked me even though I got too drunk. The next day we talked about it, and everything seemed fine. He seemed to understand me and opened up with other personal stories about himself. Except he didnt text as he normally would, and when I did he barely responded, and did not call back when he promised he would. I ended up waiting over a weekend, to text him telling him we needed to talk. We met the next day and he told me that even though he missed me, he was very, very disappointed and confused, and that night was the worst fight he has ever experienced, felt we rushed into things, and wanted to be friends because he liked hanging out with me, but had to let me know that he no longer feels the same about me and no longer wants to date me. I told him I understood and I wish that I could change his mind. I apologized a lot, and said that I just made a huge mistake, totally unintentionally. And that I feel like he didnt even give me a chance to show him that I am not a raging drunk, and I never drink that much, and that I wished he got to know me better and gave it another chance. He said he wished he felt differently, but that’s just how he felt. He looked very sad. I told him I wasnt sure I wanted to be friends, and that I would need to think about it, and that I wished that night never happened and he could get over it and go back to how things were before. On goodbye note, I told him I still liked him. He just nodded, said to text him when I get back because he still cares about me. I did, but we never talked since. It’s been over a week, and I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s just so sad. I’ve never messed up this big before with someone I really liked completely unintentionally. I don’t want to let go of a nice and sensitive guy who had such great potential for a great relationship. The NC I feel may not work because we didn’t know each for very long so I feel the longer I wait, the less likely I have a chance to re-connect. What to do? My mind wont stop thinking…

Anonymous

December 7, 2013 at 7:06 am

You know, I’ve lost control over myself due to drinking and the guy I was dating (who was so proud of me prior to that), just didn’t know what to do. Anyhow, we dated for over 6 months and after a series of drunken events (some really good and some really bad), the last bad one, he told me not to call him anymore. Anyhow, that’s when I decided not to drink anymore (along with drinking and driving). Being drunk shows lack of control and no guy wants to bring home a girl that he is afraid will lose control. Show him you can control yourself – quit drinking. That’s what I did…going onto 5 months. It did wonders for our relationship. I’m on here for a different reason…
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Maybe you can shorten the NC then?
Maricela

December 6, 2013 at 10:50 pm

Hmm yea. Do you think the situation is recoverable?
admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:40 pm

I think there is a chance but its not going to be an easy road.

Kate

December 5, 2013 at 11:26 pm

Hi Chris! First of all, many thanks for this open and direct article. This is very much needed when you search for an advice and don’t necessarily want to spread the word “to the whole world”.

My story has a couple of different dimensions: the starting point is that we work together, not directly but in the same department. And the pressure of people commenting on our private life and being all the time “on the spot” was according to him extremely scary. Second, he admitted that after a long term relationship with another girl, I was the first one he wanted to form a relationship with, and he made a number of steps including buying equipment to his home so that we can spend time there. Third, he didn’t feel comfortable speaking another language with me, though I have started learning his mother tongue even before we met. Fourth, completely by chance he met my parents… All in all, I believe he was overwhelmed by the magnitude of it and of getting into another serious relationship wuickly. I suppose it means I’m not a cliche girl, but I feel I scared the guy away. When we broke up he told me he was impressed by my calm and soft reaction, although I think I made a critical mistake by sending an e-mail to him afterwards, but again it was calm and positive.

Now,he broke up 1 week ago. Because we meet in the office I cannot have the 30 days of silence with him. He looks at me very often, not with anger or shame, but that sort of admiration and I would say desire. In this strange office scenery, I am so close and he cannot have me. I have my life and my activities.

My question is – do you think there is any chance in the world that we can fix it? For sure he would have to face the fact that he broke up with me, so just by being a man he would “keep the word”. But chances are that I might change the job, so the situation might turn a bit…

Many thanks in advance!

admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:41 pm

I think you have a chance but a chance doesn’t guarantee success.
Kate

December 7, 2013 at 1:39 pm

Thanks!
Kate

December 9, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Hi! Everything is clear to me now: I met him today by chance with another girl…

LADIES! if any of you will ready it, there is no mystery behind!!! If the man WANTS to be in your life he WILL BE there! Otherwise, don’t waste your time on searching for “strategies” on the internet… Just move on, meet your friends and enjoy life! And meet new people, maybe one of them is the MR One and only!
admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:55 pm

You might want to check this out (its about moving on.)

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend/
Kate

December 11, 2013 at 12:34 am

Many thanks, I must say it was really fun to read it. He broke your heart and you broke your pants button – hilarious 🙂

You are right about many points. Staying healthy and social – that’s what I meant in my previous post. Luckily I have great support from friends, it will be okay 🙂

Regards!

Anonymous

December 5, 2013 at 5:37 am

I’m on about 45 days of NC and I’m doing all right. However, he sent me a couple of my things (sex toys) in the mail (no toiletries I had at his place). I broke up with him, as we had a long-distance relationship (dating over one-year) and we have been doing very well, but the one topic of him moving back has been kind of an issue. He told me he was going to look for a job here and where he is at now next spring and when his friends asked when he was moving back, he told them he really likes it down there. I just don’t know why he’d look for a job where he is at when there are plenty where I am at (he used to live here). I just thought he should just focus on jobs here. Anyhow, I took it as he didn’t want to move back and he has been kind of dodging the entire topic (except when we first got together, he asked me when he should move back). I take it as he is getting to comfortable with me waiting around and I am putting my foot down. I know he loves me, but not sure why he sent me this stuff back? He had one thing at my place and I just threw it away (it was cheap though). But what am I going to do with chocolate oils and lotions that we used?

admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:52 pm

May I ask why you opted for 45 days instead of the usual 30?
Anonymous

December 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Actually,it wasn’t planned. I just chose to not be in contact until he contacted me. I told him to just leave me alone for a bit and to call me when he decided he wanted to be with me. I haven’t heard from him until the package I got from him yesterday. I gave him an option to contact me and I wouldn’t think any less if he chose that option to be with me. Basically, he needs to figure things out and decide if he wants to move back here to be with me. If he does, great. If not, then I will move on. It’s just been 45 days…and I googled what it means when someone sends you your stuff, unsolicited and came across your website. Should I send him some stuff he gave me? He didn’t send me the gifts I gave him. I am just not sure what it means. Should I thank him for sending? Should I continue NC?
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Well, I think you can give the stuff back if you feel it is the right thing to do… But I actually think you have been in NC long enough.
Anonymous

December 5, 2013 at 10:21 pm

Update: So I sent a note saying “thank you” for sending the stuff back. He responded by saying he was going to send back one of my gifts to him. I wrote back that it was a gift and to just keep it, but then the package made me think of what I have of his that he may possibly want back, so I told him I’d send them back to him and to tell me if I missed anything. He then wrote back thanking me for the gift and in terms of his possessions, said that if I don’t want it around to toss it or give it to someone. I said it didn’t bother me to have those items around, but wanted to check if he wanted it. He wrote back and said if I had use for them to keep it and if not, I can send them back to him. He then thanked me again for the gift. I didn’t respond back after his last email. Like I said, we had a great relationship…I understand the moving is an issue or big decision, but should be worked out at some point before proceeding in the relationship. Anyhow, he’s definitely the “Stubborn Guy,” and honestly, part of the reason why he likes me is because he knows I’m very disciplined…hence the 45 days of NC.
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Hahah I like disciplined people too! They keep me on my toes and for some reason I like people who make me feel like a better version of myself.
Anonymous

December 6, 2013 at 9:29 pm

well, that’s the thing, we both make each other better versions of each other (I quit drinking for almost 5 months now…and trust me, I love my vino!). it’s just the long-distance part…

also, you never said if you think he is reaching out to me, just upset and wants nothing to do with me, or why you think he sent my stuff back, when I didn’t ask for it and it’s been over 45 days. Why now? Also, how would i even start talking to him again? it’s been so long and I’m not even sure if he is upset with me or not, since i was the one who called it quits.
admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:38 pm

You should have exchanged things earlier. You are allowed to break NC for that.

As for talking to him. YOu want to create a compelling text message. One that would be impossible for him NOT to respond to.
Anonymous

December 8, 2013 at 8:56 am

Total sidebar: Don’t laugh, but there is something very interesting about this site. So you can only see responses you type on the computer/device you type it on, until you read/respond to it?

UPDATE: So I wasn’t going to text my ex, even though you said it was OK. I guess I’m not really on this site to get my ex back, per se. I’m really on here to get a better understanding of men. What prompted me to write you, was more a desire to understand why my ex would send my stuff back 1.5+ months after we broke up. You’re right. He should have sent it within the first couple of weeks after the breakup. What bothers me is the timing and his intent. After I broke up with him, I decided to focus on doing things I’ve always wanted to do. I was in a 16-year relationship before I started dating this recent ex. So I thought, wow, I’m free to just go out and do all these things. Anyways, it’s been kind of great (I’m taking up sewing, hoping to learn to play the guitar, etc.). Don’t get me wrong. I miss my ex, but just not sure about timing, although a part of me thinks that we will come together at some point, just not sure when, nor do I want to force/rush it. I want change and I don’t want to date him again, until there is change and an understanding of what I want to be happy with him, as well as a desire on his part to make me happy, because it makes him happy. I want him to want to move back because he wants to be with me and it makes him happy to be with me and I want him to want to be with me, because he believes his life is better with me in it. If he doesn’t feel this way, I don’t think we should be together. I want him to be happy. So I was doing really well…as time goes on, getting over someone is easier. And that’s what I did. Then here comes this package from my ex…and now I’m thrown for a loop. Does he want to just make sure I don’t forget him? Is he expecting a response? A couple of his friends tell me that is his way of reaching out to me. Maybe…hard to tell. Anyway, I did text him this evening and he responded. I had gone to my first sewing class today and the teacher was telling me how she was dating this drummer (she played his group’s song, but I can’t remember the name, although, I’m sure both you and I know this song as it was a hit a few years back) and he has leukemia. She told me that these things always puts things in perspective. Say you had a really bad day or you are going through a divorce. Divorce sucks, but hey, there are a lot of other things – death/serious injury being a couple of the biggest things – that suck more, and so you realize you don’t act like a victim and really take control of the situation. Well, my ex told me that before, when I was going through my divorce…with two kids. I learned a lot of other things from him and it took me a year to really appreciate it. So I sent him a note, telling him that I was initially annoyed that he sent that package, because 1) I didn’t know why he would do that when I didn’t ask for the stuff and it’s been so long, and that I was doing very well on my own. However, I told him it didn’t even matter why and briefly told him about my conversation with my sewing class teacher and how it reminded me that I never thanked him…for being such a great teacher while we were dating and even after that. He wrote me back and said it was very nice of me to say and that he learned a lot from me as well. I made a joke about what he learned and he responded with, “Hahah! No, silly,…” and referenced something I taught him that we laughed about in the past. The texts were a little longer than you suggest, but I did end the conversation first. Anyhow, I’m on my own modified “plan.” I have an idea what I should do, but definitely taking some of your advice on this page.

So let me know what you think of this situation. Do you think he still would be open to being with me or just being nice and doesn’t want to be with me, hence sending me my stuff was final closure and not an opportunity to start all over?
Anonymous

December 7, 2013 at 9:02 pm

So you do think it was his way of reaching out to me and not closure?
admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Reaching out is what I would vote.
Anonymous

December 23, 2013 at 9:46 pm

You’re funny. I just didn’t know what carrying on as friends was going to do (e.g., if we would get back together, stay friends forever, etc). Anyhow, everything came to a head on Saturday night (basically I solidified the break-up two months prior in a very calm and thoughtful email), but I could tell after that that he was hoping we would get back together once we spoke, but it went the opposite way and it was really, really hard…even harder than the first time two months ago. Anyhow, he texted me last night and we had a really good text conversation (like you said, sometimes that allows both parties to think and speak, unlike verbal conversations). We are going to talk more tonight, but I think we will be fine.
I wasn’t going to respond back to you, since I’m sure you get so many messages and I’m not really asking for advice, but believe it or not, finding your site gave me some comfort over the last few weeks to just bounce ideas off of and confirm some of my deductions, so I can imagine what other women are getting out of your site. I can tell some women really needed it. Anyhow, have a safe and wonderful holiday season and wish you all the best in 2014 and onwards. Also, I hope you find that special someone; and here’s to no more crazy drama queens (I didn’t realize how crazy some women are)!
admin

December 24, 2013 at 6:57 pm

You too!

And thanks for the kind words. Even I need it every now and then.
Anonymous

December 21, 2013 at 6:16 am

So what are your thoughts on the situation? Do I just let things carry on like it is? Do you think it’s like starting all over again or a clean slate?
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:12 am

Well what do you think? Does it seem like the smartest choice to let things carry on?
Anonymous

December 19, 2013 at 8:40 pm

Oh…sorry. So the last time my ex was up here to see me (also the same weekend I broke up with him), he brought along his friend’s girlfriend’s sweater back, as she left it at my ex’s place about a year ago (supposedly, she loves this sweater). Anyhow, we went to dinner with this other couple the last time my ex was up here, but forgot to bring it to dinner. I had planned to drop it off, but when my ex and I broke up and I started NC, I didn’t want to call him about it and have it seem like I was making an excuse to talk to him. Anyhow, I have been wanting to return it for a couple months now and finally saw the opportunity to ask. So no, he is not dating anyone. The “girlfriend” I mentioned below was in regards to his friend’s girlfriend. Also, I apologize for replying to this string…for some reason, I can’t reply to the other one you just wrote. Hope all is well.
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:14 am

OHHHH I see a friends gf.
Anonymous

December 19, 2013 at 8:34 pm

responding to your question about whether he is dating someone else…no, why do you ask? i must have lost you. HA. Sorry!
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:13 am

For some reason I thought that you said he was… I don’t know I guess I lost it hahaha.
Anonymous

December 19, 2013 at 8:17 am

Hey Chris,

So…after my text a couple weeks ago thanking my ex for really helping me grow and teaching me to just be happy (which he did and I am grateful regardless of what happens), we didn’t talk for a week. I texted him a week later, because I started to wonder if he wanted to talk about the whole long-distance thing and sending back my stuff was his way of initiating contact. Anyhow, I initiated the text by just asking if he was at his brother’s place (I didn’t want to start the conversation if he was not at home). He responded back that he was home. However, while I was waiting for him to respond, one of his good female friends, whom I have become pretty close with, called me and basically told me that she talked to him a week or so ago and that he is in the same place he was 2 months ago on the moving topic. Well, I had to think fast about how to get out of that text conversation as I feel like there is no reason to talk, aside from “as friends,” if he is still unsure about when he will be moving back here to be with me. I thought fast and then told my ex that I needed to get his friend’s email address to return his girlfriend’s sweater, which was entirely true, but that wasn’t the initial intention. Now, after speaking to my ex’s friend, I realized that my ex is a total commitment-phobe, which I knew going into the relationship. But I also realized I didn’t know what I wanted, as I am kind of happy being free to do what I want. Anyhow, that night my ex and I ended up texting about his favorite subject – options trading. We went back-and-forth for a bit and then I ended up not responding to his last text, because 1) I didn’t feel like continuing the conversation and 2) his female friend called me again to give me more advice. Anyhow, after that, he emailed me the next night about a stock I was looking at. I responded that night and he responded in the morning. This has been going on since Monday and when we used to date, we were both very responsive to each other’s emails, but now, I only write him about the stock market and don’t get into the other topics he brings up too much. I don’t respond to everything and I don’t respond right away…although today, we were emailing each other a lot…it’s like we never broke up. It’s all very weird to me and I’m not sure if this is the best route. It almost feels like when we first started “talking,” like when we were getting to know each other. It’s almost like we are trying to catch up on the last 2 months. I wasn’t trying to make him jealous, but I am very proud of what I have accomplished the last couple months of NC and he was very interested and somewhat impressed (a lot of “Wow’s”). I’m not really sure what this all means. I mean, I know he still doesn’t want to move (he currently lives near his brother, whom he is very close to) yet, so not sure what he wants from me. For now, I will stay the course and just act like when we first started “talking” and make sure it’s clear we are not together (I know he knows this), but there has to be a clear distinction between us dating and what is going on now, otherwise, we will just stay in this type of relationship, as it seems to work right now. Although, I’m sure if I started dating someone, he wouldn’t like it. Let me know your thoughts.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Wait, has he started dating someone?
Anonymous

December 11, 2013 at 7:55 am

Thanks, Chris! I am resuming my NC unless he contacts me or tells me he is deciding to move back (there’s no point in talking until we resolve the whole moving thing; we can’t do long-distance forever). When and if he does contact me, we’ll see where I am at at that point. In the meantime, I’m doing all the things I wanted to do, but never got a chance to do. The best is catching up with old friends…continue my sewing classes (I always wanted to learn to make clothes) and take up guitar lessons in 2014.

Happy Holidays to you, Chris! And I think it’s pretty awesome that you answer all these women personally every day.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:47 am

Good for you! And sewing is great. My mother is into it and she made me a quilt. It’s pretty awesome.

Ashley1

December 5, 2013 at 3:10 am

My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago. He broke up with me because there were things in his life that he was not happy about (health, work, and other stressors). We started fightings towards the end of the relationship. He cried when we broke up and he still wanted to text me saying he loves me and I am so perfect. It was not a bad break up (no fighting or anger).

I, finally, told him that I need no contact so I can, also, find my happiness and move on.

Yesterday, we exchanged things. We asked how each other was doing. He said he went to the doctor to figure out what is wrong and he told me what the doctor said. He said work was getting a little better. He really did not look good. His hygiene has went down and just doesn’t look happy at all. He brought up that after all this he still wants to be friends and doesnt want me out of his life. He has never said this to an ex (or so he says… I know he’s not friends with his other exes).

We gave each other a tight hug. When we started pulling away.. we almost kissed but I caught it and he again hugged me tighter then kissed my check. Maybe it is me, but I felt like there was still a strong connection between us. Neither one of us really wanted to go…we told each other we are here no matter what for each other.

I just want to know if he is telling me to be friends because he doesn’t want me to wait around while he figures himself out and be miserable… or if he is hoping friends may result in being more one day down the road.

I am not waiting around. I am moving on and trying to better myself and be happy being me.

He saw that he was not making me as happy as before. He told me he did not want to drag me on in his own unhappiness. There are things he needs to figure out and he said he doesn’t want a relationship if he is not happy with himself…

admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Have you started your NC yet?

Sexycat

December 5, 2013 at 2:43 am

Well, my ex and I went from just friends to not really talking anymore. My sister went through his email and found a dirty picture of a girl and sent it to the girl’s ex husband. That guy contacted me and told me about it and I blew up on my ex. We talked things out and I went over to his family’s house for thanksgiving and things were okay. We really didn’t talk to each other. Now I’m going no contact and he is liking and talking to this girl in Instagram that is a 10 but doesn’t have the brains to match, I have gotten a little bigger since we’ve been together and the first thing I did after getting dumped was hit the gym. Do you think I should move on or keep going with NC and work on losing all this weight? (30 pounds)

admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Keep going NC! And congrats on your weight loss that is amazing.
Sexycat

December 5, 2013 at 2:46 am

It’s also been two months that we’ve been split after a three year relationship. He said he wasn’t happy in the relationship and he knew it wasn’t how a relationship was supposed to be when we were in it. I always called him out on not being affectionate/intimate enough and I think it was because I had gained quite a bit when I was with him. Since he has all these negative memories from our relationship do you think he can look back at the good during NC? Both of our personalities really compliment each other, it was just physically he wouldn’t show enough affection.
admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Do you think maybe he was shy and unsure of himself physically?
Sexycat

December 5, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Could be. He likes his body but he has issues with his balding. I just wonder if he will ever think of us positively.

Missy

December 4, 2013 at 5:25 am

Posting here because I’m very worried about being friendzoned. He invited me to a movie today, but I didn’t go because I feel like it’s really soon to be meeting face-to-face… We only started talking again on Thanksgiving.

I’ve heard that he’s in a very emotional place right now, because his rebound girlfriend broke up with HIM instead of vice versa. I’m a little worried about what I should do… If I should continue speaking with him now and then, or wait until he decides what he wants from me; friendship or more. I’m a bit at a loss of what to do right now…

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:06 am

I think the key for you is that you have to get him to chase you b/c that is not happening. I may have something coming out for you soon though.

Jess

December 3, 2013 at 6:42 am

hey chris, it’s jess from the 3 month relationship boyfriend broke up with me post. my last post was about me sending the Thanksgiving text which he did get but he couldn’t reply because his phone was off.

alot has happened since my last post and i need some help again. to make things less complicated my ex is A, his best friend is S (my friend) and his best friend’s girlfriend (my friend also) is M.

Friday night: i was at M’s house and A and S showed up. they both walked in and as soon as i saw A i ignored him and got up and walked out back to smoke. a few moments later S calls me saying to come out front and i did. A was sitting in the front passenger seat of S’s car and S told me to go get in the back. i did. A and i ended up talking (he happily wished me a happy thanksgiving) and i told him how sorry i was about everything and that i still felt guilty for pushing him away (at this point i couldn’t control my tears) and told him my feelings. A told me that i didn’t need to be sorry and some other things i can’t remember right now but when i said i wanted to start over (i know dumb move) he said he just wanted to be friends. i understand where he’s coming from. by then S was acting like a total dork and as i wiped my tears i had to laugh and smiled and said “see this, i miss this. i miss my friends”. he laughed and said “well you have them back now”. anyways, everything was good that night. me, A, and S were all laughing and messing with each other.

Saturday night: M, S, A, and i are in M’s car headed to walmart and without realizing it i ended up flirting and being my playful self with A (he acted the same way). i didn’t know it but i guess he was flirting back with me because when we got to walmart and started walking towards the store, S jokingly made the comment (loudly) “oh great they’re flirting again”. me and A both became very conscience of what we were doing and later the next day M told me that S had given A crap about flirting with me and A said he wasn’t (mhmmm sure) but now i know he knows i was even though i wasn’t doing it on purpose.

Monday night: A and S stopped by my house to talk about S’s problems with M and we got to talking about what she was doing and i made the comment that from my point of view that M was flirting with one of her ex’s and A made the comment that he knew what flirting looked like. i knew he was referring to Friday night and i just brushed it off. the atmosphere was awkward and he was quiet until S put a song on to lighten the mood and then happy A came out. i had said to S about turning the music down because i didn’t want people complaining and A actually brought up a positive memory of when he was helping me move trash to the bed of his truck and one of my neighbors came out and complained about A being too loud….etc etc etc.

A and i aren’t communicating at all except in person and it’s usually when we’re all at M’s house or if A and S stop by my house like tonight. i think his phone is working now because while i was chatting with S i saw A send a text. i sent him a text asking if him and S went to M’s house and another one an hour later asking what had happened because M texted me and canceled our plans for tomorrow. no reply to both but that doesn’t bother me.

sometimes it’s awkward being in each other’s presence and we ignore each other and sometimes we get to happily talking and joking around. the way things are for me and A right now is quite similar to when we first started hanging out and talking earlier this year when we all hung out at school and the end of the school year in May. we never really knew what to say to each other so it was an awkward situation until someone stroked up a conversation and then we would just talk for hours.

i’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot. my situation is complicated and confusing. he definitely knows i still have feelings for him and i’m trying NOT to let them show in order to keep his friendship but i’m also trying to be myself and the person he fell in love with. i also have an inkling suspicion that he still has feeling for me too because i think his control slips sometimes and he’s just not outwardly showing them. there have been moments where we act like nothing happened and we’re just good friends and are happily having a conversation and there are moments where we just ignore each other but are aware of each other’s presence. everything is so confusing. he still has me blocked on facebook (doesn’t bother me either) and i really don’t want to screw up this time.

thought and opinions?

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:58 pm

Honestly time is a great equalizer. Just lay back and let some time pass at this point.
Jess

December 5, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Update:

so i saw A and S last night at our school’s performance and at first it was a little awkward but we got into talking. he was sitting outside infront of our school’s kitchen and i asked him if he want to go smoke with me so we walked out to the sidewalk in front of school and had a happy conversation and i was my happy playful self. i’ve been bringing up a happy memory or 2 but last night he actually brought up a funny memory from when we were together. when my ride was getting ready to leave, i went up to him saying i had to go and he gave me a hug and said “you leavin?” i said yeah i was and that if he got on facebook that night to add me. he hasn’t done that yet but i’m not bothered by it. his net has been acting up so it’s understandable.

so far things have been good. i haven’t been pushing anything and my other best friend Mik has been great at keeping me in line when it comes to my actions. she’s been telling me to just take things slow and i have.
Jess

December 6, 2013 at 8:50 pm

ok hopefully you can put my mind at ease from a guys point of view.
when A and i talked for the first time the friday after thanksgiving he had said that he would help me and my dad out whenever he could and that we could be friends. we’ve had our flirty and happy moments where i’m my real self but i’ve been watching how i act and what i say towards A but now i’m confused and angry. i know one mistake i made was at the school performance wednesday night when i asked him what he was doing the next day and asked if we could hang out at his house(super dumb move) and he said probably not. i had been trying to get ahold of him since last night by emailing his facebook(still has me blocked) a couple times asking if he could give me a ride somewhere, then saying nevermind, and then one around midnight saying i couldn’t sleep and if we could chat(probably a dumb move) because my dad offered to pay A for helping us fix our roof. i texted our friend S to see if A was home and that i was trying to get ahold of him cuz of the job offer. S texted me back saying A doesn’t want to do any work. i replied saying ok nevermind then and then a following text saying i just thought he’d be interested in being payed for helping us do our roof.
so this is where i get angry and confused. the times we see each other in person (lately) have been awkward turned happy conversation and then he just blows me off out of nowhere. last night he posted on facebook saying “im a sucker for a good relationship. not a horrible one!!!”. i’ve brought up several times that when he get’s internet back to add me back on facebook but when he has been on he never does.
i honestly don’t know what to do. after the whole job thing, i’m thinking of doing NC again for a couple weeks and if i’m ever around him in person either at a friend’s house or at school to just ignore him. i’m trying so hard to not screw up things but i think me concentrating so hard on not screwing up is making me screw up and it’s hard when i have so much i want to talk to him about and he’s doing this to me.
any advice or thoughts on this?
admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:28 pm

I think you are spot on in what to do. Go NC for a few weeks.
Jess

December 10, 2013 at 4:14 pm

i’m doing NC starting today. there was a big misunderstanding at my school’s performance (wednesday dec 4th) where things were going good and i had stupidly brought up ex#1 and when i realized it and had my friend M tell him about A just got up and walked away. didn’t even want to hear her out. yesterday he just ignored me completely. so, now whenever i see him, either at school or at M’s, i’m gonna do what i did before. Ignore him completely, no eye contact, no talking to him, nothing and as much as it’ll hurt, i’ll make it seem like i want nothing to do to with him. he wants to play this game, then lets play. i’m going to improve my looks a little and what i wear. he wants to act like a jerk towards me, well i can be a b****.

i’ll keep you update on any events that may happen in the next couple weeks. NC will end on new years eve, 3 weeks from now.

thoughts and opinions?
Jess

December 14, 2013 at 11:12 pm

So NC and the plan I had completely failed. I sent A a memory text couple nights ago and last night at school he tore up a Christmas card M gave him for me. He came up to me at school and said “when I said it was over I meant it” I don’t know what to do Chris. He’s already talking to a girl and he ignores me completely when we’re all together at M’s house. He wont talk to me at all and I can’t help believeing he that genuinely wants nothing to do with me. We haven’t just sat down and just talk about everything. He wont talk to me and wants nothing to do with me. I ran into one of my teachers from when I was in school and he said he would talk to A on Monday and I also vented everything to M’s mom who was very understanding of my situation and she commented thar maybe she could talk to A for me. I just don’t know what to do 🙁 what are your thoughts.
admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Honestly, I think you should lay back for a while.
Jess

December 17, 2013 at 6:11 pm

should i continue to hold on to the hat he gave me when we first started dating and the heart pin or just give them back.
Jess

December 7, 2013 at 2:08 am

figured it out. there a misunderstanding on some things that were said.

Ana

December 3, 2013 at 6:34 am

Hey Chris,
So I did no contact with my ex and he contacted in a little over 3 weeks after we started. At first he said he wasnt interested but then he changed his mind and said that he misses me and wishes he could see me. We are long distance right now but we will see each other in about a month. We talked about getting back together and he said that conversation stresses him out and that hes not sure he wants a relationship,although he wants to still talk to me and text me like before. He said hes confused. What should I do?

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Hahaha work to reattract him is what I would do.

Eve

December 2, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Feel like I messed this up..I maybe rushed things his feeling changed idk what to do 30 no contact again? Not looking foward to it

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Be more specific. How did his feelings change?

anonymouss

December 1, 2013 at 10:49 pm

Ive posted previously on your site, my ex and I dated for 2 years, i did no contact (during which he didn’t contact me) but once i initiated contact it was all positive/neutral responses. So my ex and I talked quite a bit for the past week or so (both of us initiating convos, I end them first) its all been positive and friendly. He picked me up from the airport because I needed a ride home and nobody else was in town and able to, on the way home he invited me to just come hang out and watch the office (which we both enjoy), and since I had nothing else to do, I did. We hung out and talked and watched the show and then a movie and then went on a walk around the city. Then he asked when I wanted to be dropped off at my friends house (because I couldn’t get into my room until the next day); I just said “now is good,” he invited me to stay longer, but I said no. He then took me to my car, gave me a hug relatively long, and then followed me to my friends place to make sure I got in (i told him he didn’t have to, but he wanted to).. Its just while we were hanging out we talked a lot and shared what was happening in our lives but he couldn’t/wouldn’t look at me or in the eye and seemed afraid to touch me at all.. we just seemed a little awkward and its frustrating, I don’t know what to do.. I texted him after saying thanks for the ride home and that when i had told him i missed him i didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or anything it just meant that I missed sharing and hearing from him because he was/is one of my best friends. He responded saying no problem and that he was glad he got to spend time with me and hear what was going on in my life, he said he understood and that he missed me too and that its hard not sharing with me and that he was glad that I got in to the house safely. Then the next day he said that I was welcome to watch our schools basketball game at his place because I didn’t get the channel on my tv. So i went and did that, it was just hanging out. He was texting people and smiling, idk if it was girls/a girl or not… after the game was over I gave him a short hug and just said thanks for inviting me, bye, and he said thanks for coming. maybe i’m over analyzing it. but why can’t he even look at me/make eye contact and why is he afraid to touch me? do you think there is any hope of getting out of the friend zone here…
Flowerbomb

December 1, 2013 at 2:59 pm

I have a couple of questions and would really appreciate an answer to them all, thanks. Your site is very informative.
Within the 30 days of no contact, it is my birthday, Christmas and New Year, so if he does text about any of these, do you think i should still ignore? Also when i do eventually text him back, I am thinking he may ask why i ignored his text(s), would i answer that? And just say i needed space or something else? And finally – i know this one may seem
Silly, but do i put kisses on the end or just say what i have to say?
Thanks very much in advance for your answers.

admin

December 1, 2013 at 7:12 pm

If you are in NC then yes.. if not then no haha.

Abby

December 1, 2013 at 10:13 am

Hi so I did all the above steps, i did the no contact rule for a month, i ignored him when he tried contacting me during that month, then i txted him and we had a conversation and i ended it by saying i had to head out and meet a friend. The day after he txted me saying he wanted to talk about something. Basically he said a bunch of things about how he realized hes made mistakes in our relationship and that hes working to become a better person and fix some of his flaws and that hes fixed alot so far(we had some issues but it wasn’t anything major or dangerous)then at the end of the message he said he hopes we can still be friends although he understand if that’s not possible. So im just curious if there’s anything i can do past this point or im just stuck as the friend :/

admin

December 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Have you read any of my guides on reattracting him?
Abby

December 1, 2013 at 10:59 pm

Yes I’m doing most of them like the jealousy thing and I’m going out alot with my friends and working on myself. But im just confused how to reply to that, I kind of didn’t say anything back because i don’t know what to say. Should i just not talk to him for a few days?
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Don’t say anything back then. Trust your gut on this one.

« Previous 1 … 22 23 24 25 26 27 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”