What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Mary

November 8, 2013 at 8:22 am

do you think this method works on the guy that you’re talking to? at first he said he wanted to have a relationship with me. now he’s saying that he doesn’t, because I weirded him out with the love talk… what should I do to get him back? please help

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm

Hmmm it can BUT not as effectively as with an ex.
Mary

November 8, 2013 at 7:10 pm

what do you think I should do? my friends says I shouldn’t contact him at all. we’ve been talking for 3 months and everything was great until he said that to me. he recently move 5hours away for school, and we we’re planing to see each other next week. if I contact him, would it make me look bad? he did say he will be there for me when I needed him. I just want this to work out for us, because I really like him :'(
Mary

November 8, 2013 at 7:13 pm

also when we were talking he said he wanted to have a relationship with me, now he’s saying he can’t because we’re too far away, and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. but he dealt with long distance relationship before.
admin

November 9, 2013 at 11:47 pm

Yes but maybe he didn’t like the distance.
Mary

November 8, 2013 at 8:25 am

oh, its been a week since he hasn’t talk to me. ..
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Sorry to hear that but it’s not a big deal if you are in NC.

Katie

November 7, 2013 at 5:44 pm

Long sory short I helped him through some tough times recently and although it looked like we would reconcile we didn’t. I’m guilty of blowing up his phone sometimes since we broke up two months ago. He told me he doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend and that he would be there for me unless I still had feelings for him. Then we should be around each other because it’s not healthy.

So I’ve decided to just not text him anymore unless he does first. It’ll help me move on but is there a possibility he could become reattracted?

Katie

November 9, 2013 at 5:15 am

Yeah probably. But there’s a possibility?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:54 am

Of course there is.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Yup I think the blowing up his phone bit really hurt your case.

Naomi

November 5, 2013 at 1:23 am

Hi,

I have enjoyed your article! Amazing! It has gotten me thru the past few days. Thank you so much!

I am currently in the friend zone:( I only dated my ex, who is now my friend, for two months. Things started out slow and then our relationship kinda took off. We talked every day and through out the day. I felt like we had a very strong connection and he confirmed that he felt the same as me. We decided I would spend the night with him. We were very intimate but we did not have sex. Days following I told him I was ready but I wanted us to be exclusive. Well that didn’t go so well. He said he wasn’t ready for a promise of commitment, but that he is crazy about me. That I’m fantastic and sexy and beautiful , but maybe we should just slow down because he doesn’t want to hurt me. I agreed. And then I told him how important our friendship was and how maybe we should just leave everything alone for now. He said ok.

My question is, what strategy to I go by? Getting my ex back or getting outta the friend zone? Do I have a chance? What really happened?

Thanks!! 🙂

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Please…. it’s a “guide” not an article hahaha ;).

Getting your ex back is the strategy I would recommend.
Naomi

November 5, 2013 at 5:56 pm

Haha I got cha
Naomi

November 5, 2013 at 5:56 pm

Thanks!!
Naomi

November 6, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Chris this is sooo hard! It’s been 4 days and I haven’t heard a word:( Do you def think the NC rule applies to us since we stopped things on a friendly note? Please help!
admin

November 7, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Yes I would say it still does.
Naomi

November 7, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Ok. I’ll dig deep! Thank you so much!!

LQ

November 4, 2013 at 4:40 pm

I’ve been involved with a guy for about 4.5 years off and on. We agreed that we both want to be friends at the beginning but after 7mos of dating and spending time together my feelings changed. I expressed how I felt but he still didn’t want a relationship even though he said he loved me. Well, I got him to commit the 5-6 mos down the line we start having issues and I broke up with him. We both saw other people then I called him after 12wks and it’s was like nothing ever happen. Now it is 2yrs since then and he still doesn’t want to be with me, though we talk on the phone all the time and still would see each other. I stopped talking to him for 2weeks straight before seeing this page and we’re on speaking terms but I scared that I’m putting myself in the friendship zone. Usually I am emotional and angry, and a little obsessive but I’ve been friendly and not emotional at all. I try not to show my feelings toward him (though he knows that I still love him) and I don’t bring up the past anymore unless it’s good memories. I know it’s too late for me to do the 30 day silence but is it too late for me?

admin

November 5, 2013 at 4:50 pm

Its not too late at all.

Anonymous

November 3, 2013 at 6:27 pm

My ex and I had been together for about a year and 3 months. Our relationship has been up and down and in the beginning of September, we decided to take a break. Two weeks ago, he decided to tell me that he wanted to be friends. It was an answer I was not prepared to hear. In a two-hour discussion, he asked if he could have a little bit more time to think. He became undecided in whether he was making the right choice or not in being friends and missing an opportunity in rebuilding our relationship. Then last week we had another discussion and he was all over the place with how he was feeling. Finally, he decided that he wanted to try it but sounded so miserable about it. So throughout the week I kept asking him how he was feeling. I could tell that something was not right. He told me he felt numb and he was search for an answer on why he was feeling this way. I asked him that maybe it was easier if we just became friends. Part of me did not want that but part of me did if that was going to make him happy. He told me he wanted to give it time. On Friday in another discussion, he stated he still felt the same… numb. Again, I asked about friendship. He tells me that maybe his feelings are stuck on being friends but maybe it was just him thinking that. I explained that I wanted him to be happy and in a joking way (as he says) he didn’t want to make a decision that would make me sad. Therefore, I decided to quit trying and told him that I wanted to be friends. He agreed but part of me didn’t because I still do have feelings for him. I now realize that he is emotional and mentally unstable for a relationship and I believe he still has some baggage he needs to workout. Since part of me is 50/50 on friendship, I wanted to do the 30 days NC to move on and maybe start a friendship with him. The part I forgot to mention is we work at the same place. He will contact me while we are at work but never contacted me when he was home or on the weekend. How do I maintain the 30 days NC? For work related stuff, I will have to answer him and personal stuff I do not have to but I know he will become curious on what is going on with me that I am not answering him. What should I do?

admin

November 4, 2013 at 4:52 pm

You will probably have to end up doing a minimal contact type of deal.

Christina

November 3, 2013 at 11:52 am

Hi, Chris.

How are you?

My long distance bf and I had big fights, tried to fix stuff, talking much less, then deliberately trying to be friendly to avoid fight. I also used some tactics that used to work on him, jealousy, bringing good memories, seduction, control the conversation. But he suddenly says our friendly atmosphere is not like lovers any more, but only friends. He can’t imagine and don’t wanna love me any more, but still likes me as a friend. He never hated me, just doesn’t love me any more.

I’m doing NC, he texted after 2 days, I ignored, then he also didn’t text again for a week now. Does it mean he’s lost his interest?

He’s coming to my city next week as we already planned an event before the breakup. Now I am actually seeing a new guy, shall I briefly mmention it to him? I don’t know whether hell be jealous or give up. Without love, I felt tactics doesn’t work on him any more.

Take up
Is my situation hopeless based on the description above, how the NC is going, and the fact he’s not a very emotional guy?
I know he really loved me, so does he really mean what he says “his feelings are gone forever within in a short time”, and “this is a careful decision”?
Shall I mention the new guy?

Truth needed.
Tnx,
Christina

admin

November 3, 2013 at 6:15 pm

I am doing well. Busy as always hahaha.

At the moment he may mean it but later down the road he may not. You can mention the new guy if you want.

Emily

October 30, 2013 at 2:53 am

if my ex told you he needs space, do you think he will contact me during the nc period? he’s already in a relationship with someone else, and it hasn’t even been two weeks since we broke up

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:20 am

Its possible but I can’t guarantee he will.

hinata

October 27, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Hi

After out 2.8 yrs relationship my boyfriend called quits last week over the phone since we are in long distance relationship right now. we had a phone call and started arguing , i felt he was not interested in spending time with me and he said he was tired of hearing to it and finally ended and said lets go back to being friends. since that day he has been constantly texting me and even calling me to see how i am handling and holding up. initially the first day i begged him big mistake but from day 2 onwards stopped that.now even if i dont text , mostly he texts me . how do i maintain the no contact rule then ?

admin

October 27, 2013 at 11:03 pm

Just keep doing it for the full month.

Regina

October 26, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Reading your website I see my ex-bf of 6 yrs broke up with me due to me being overemotional and nagging him to commit more. I stopped admiring him as he stopped taking care of himself, did not keep his work and did not introduce me to his brother and friends (strange isn’t it?).
It was long-distance relation and finally after 4 yrs we could live in the same city and the same country. He did not wanted hear me admitting that I moved for him. During break-up he highlighted he does not want any friendship with me and having any personal communication except for formal (I rent a part of one of his houses but we never lived together). However he asked if I would agree to have the last $$$ with him. I refused.
In July I was on holidays and he tried to reach me with no avail. I just returned from vacation and he called me to say there is 1% chance we could go on holidays together next year and he has “partner” who made him not go on any holidays for a year, he is trying hard but already sees it does not work. Then again a few weeks later he said it was joke about partner. He popped by to house I live in and he saw me in great dress and admitted that I seem happy.
However in October he announced that he is taken and his personal life is his and I am his great friend. I responded that I am dating the man who does not treat me like f5%!2ck body. Since then I did not contact him for a week and he finally reached me to speak of his work problem with me (he commenced saying “I know you do not want to hear this”)and nagging to show me his new gadget. Eventually we met, I was kind and he presented his skills with new tool. Since a week I am now in NC. Any advice?

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Well tell me what you are doing in NC to evolve?
Regina

October 28, 2013 at 8:05 pm

I resumed my hobby (photography) and updated website with new pictures, made new acquaintances and friendship, go out when possible as I travel on business a lot; I have signed in dating website but let’s say that mostly there are jerks but still it’s interesting experience. It seems I plan my life without him as before NC I gave him my (tenancy) notice so I will be moving out (hurray). He is not happy of it. As one guy is vacating other room soon my ex already tried to reach me via mobile and sms to boast that he got new tenant so fast and from my origin country.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:53 am

Photography huh? Do you have any plans to do it professionally?

What about any workouts or anything like that? Are you doing anything there.
Regina

October 29, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Haha 🙂 I am reading great book written by famous American photographer and I am going to follow his footsteps. I love workouts as I have been a member of fitness centre for a year and always did some sport activities in past. However my gym membership made my bf (at the time) jealous and unhappy. Interesting, isn’t it? He had dog-in-the-manger attitude ;).
Thanks! Cheers.
admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:07 am

Sweet. I am a bit of a fitness buff myself so I really recommend that to EVERYONE!
Regina

November 15, 2013 at 12:42 am

Hi Chris,

I want to give you update.
NC rule is what we ladies need indeed.

I broke NC after 13 days of complete silence. In the meantime he called, emailed, texted with complains that he could not get to me. Nothing worked. Mainly he had been asking about the house and my housemates/ his tenants so I understood he was not interested in me anymore. So NC and NC 🙂

Unfortunately I broke NC to report house issue to him. He is landlord (I have known him before I moved in to house he rents out) and I could not resolve it internally. I reported issue and again implemented NC.

This night he paid an interesting visit. He was informed that rent will be available from today in known place so I did not have to meet him. However he arrived at night, called my landline many times, called my mobile. I did nothing. He called my mobile staying behind my door. I did not respond. Eventually he started to do some repairs in bathroom vis-a-vis my room and made noise with ladder etc. I did not leave my room. He had to knock and ask for rent. He had known where it was placed.

We met in kitchen, rent given and I planned to turn round with smile and leave room, but he warned me that I was becoming nasty and he will start shouting (blackmail?). So I should stay with him and have a cup of coffee.

So we had small-talk. He was interested if I am seeing Birmingham guy I supposed to make friendship on skype. I said he was from Manchester and I am there every month (FYI Chris – for business and did not meet guy ever). He tried to get information with whom I am meeting, where I am driving to etc..

He showed my pictures on his mobile, his wrist to smell new man fragrance.

He added that he is glad seeing me happy and was asking “can we go upstairs?”, saying he is the only one good guy in this house, that only he is allowed to stay overnight (per house rule tenant is to agree visitor stay with landlord) so I answered that he does not have gf at this place.

When he made reference to his weight, I told him that perhaps he feels comfortable with his weight and I also would like to put on a bit. He asked: “for your boyfriend? To touch …” and referred to special woman body parts.
My response was: “Dating does not mean having bf. I am not so fast like you.”
Ex: “with 5 wife and 17 children?”.

I am back to NC rule again. But I wonder what this all mean?
Definitely he wanted to see how I look like (at 11 pm?) and behave (stable or overemotional). Anything else?

What’s your conclusion, Chris?
Cheers.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:33 pm

He has 17 children?

Sorry thats just a lot.
Regina

November 16, 2013 at 10:26 pm

No, he doesn’t have either wife or children.

His spying can mean nothing. When he was my bf, he used to mention his ex gfs quite often: where they’re living, what they’re doing, having families.

At the moment sad fact is he came to me for sex. I do not think he’s for me. He is not mature enough, I’m afraid. I did not show he wants to emotionally be involved with me.

However thanks to your website and cogitation about ex-bf behaviour, the true me (and stronger) is back 🙂
admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Good for ou! Glad you are feeling more empowered.

Men tend to do that unoftunately.
Regina

November 16, 2013 at 10:29 pm

Sorry, I meant that he did not show he wants to be involved with me emotionally. No date offer. Nothing. Nice chat without happy end.

He still thinks or hopes I will stay at his house.
admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Well take what you can get right now. If he wants you emotionally thats better than nothing.
Regina

November 15, 2013 at 1:01 am

One thing to add.
A few minutes before he parked car in front of the house he called a new housemate and was questioning or interrogating him about me.
I and my new housemate did shopping together for the house, taking my car and have nice chat every evening.

My ex was taken aback.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:39 pm

Hes spying on you thats a good thing haha.

Lana

October 24, 2013 at 4:41 am

If I’m afraid that he’ll thinks I’m playing games by sending the enticing text, would it be better to try sending a friendly text first?

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:55 pm

It may be. Do what YOU think is best.

Kathy

October 21, 2013 at 1:20 pm

OK so my ex boyfriend and I were together for almost three years.. he broke up with me a month after he proposed saying he just wasn’t in love with me anymore.. I went a little crazy for a week calling him and begging him to come back ( yes I know it was wrong) then I stopped letting him see me hurt. I deleted his number and him off fb.. I wasn’t over him at all but had made plans to go on a date and try to move on. I ended up having a death in my family and needed a vehicle that could make the trio to the hospital and he had found out threw our mutual friends and offered his.. I didn’t accept it but that somehow got us talking ( as friends) nothing much just a few texts here and there. The day of the funeral he asked me to come hang out to get my mind off of things.. I ended up staying the night.. he told me that he wanted to start talking again and see where that led. We did spend a lot of time texting but I tried to.avoid seeing him for about a week. Then I went over and we hung out just as friends. But the last time we hung out I.stayed again.. the next morning he told me that he had a date and that we really needed to take a step back.and see how things go. He said that he did still have feelings sir me but didn’t want to jump into anything so he wants us both to date other ppl fir.a month and see how we feel after that.. I’m just so confused on what he wants part of me says he just wanted sex and to know that ill still be there if this new thing doesn’t work out the other says maybe he’s being truthful and I should just give it time.. any ideas?

admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:54 am

Well, what do his actions say? Take his words out of the equation. What are his words saying?
Kathy

October 22, 2013 at 3:24 am

Other than the fact of him going out on dates it seems like he wants to get back together but is worried well end up in the same place we were. He still texts me every day and has even offered to help pay rent since he left me with all the bills. He still wants to see my kids and even has our picture in his room that he’s staying.. I don’t know how handle this with out possibly running him off
admin

October 23, 2013 at 6:51 pm

I guess for you the smartest thing to do is focus on recreating the attraction!

Imari

October 19, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Hello, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me in late September which was off guard.. We had an arguement and he began to say that this isn’t going to work and as of now he only loves me as a person. (This is the third time he broke up with me ) He continues to say that we argue a lot, we barely spend time because of work and he think his lifestyle is too busy to share with another person…He wants to at least remain friends but that’s not what I want since he has an ex wife/girlfriends he stays in contact with as friends and I don’t want to be put in that category. My feelings are too deep to just be friends. I’m just confused how so quickly he can fall out of love when the night before the breakup we were very loving to each other and at one point he said that he never loved any woman like me. And one time during the relationship he told his dad that I might be the “one”…Since the breakup he sent a message saying that he hopes that I don’t hate him and that he cares for me. He doesn’t realizes that the problem is not if he cares or not the problem is that he doesn’t care enough to be with me. I did not respond since I’m trying the no contact rule and he hasn’t contact since.. I do want to be back with him , I honestly can’t see myself with anyone else but since this is the third time he did this to me , I’m wondering if I should just try my best to forget him and move on.. What should I do? .. Sorry for this long message!

admin

October 19, 2013 at 9:07 pm

No problem.

Have you started NC?
Imari

October 19, 2013 at 11:42 pm

Yes as I stated in the previous message , I did started the no contact
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:43 pm

Sorry I compltely missed that. Ok, what are you doing to re-become the ungettable girl?
Imari

October 21, 2013 at 12:50 am

I haven’t done anything since I’m still in the no contact phase

Aline

October 16, 2013 at 12:22 am

hi! excuse my english i am French 🙁

My boyfriend and i broke up two month ago due to distance. And our relationship was bad. (We had many problems. )he lives in Montréal and i live in New brunswick. In september, he didnt talk to me. I was totally depressed!! But one month ago he texts me, call me on skype..He wants to be friend with me and i accepted because i thought it was the best way to make him back… 🙁 He said that he needs to talk with me each week because he cares about me but he dont miss me!!
One day he textes me at 3h20 Am after the club and call me on skype because he wanna see my face.
Yesterday we were talking on skype all the day!(14hpm-01h45Am non stop!!) He was so weird!!
I was cooking a cake for a friend and he said he was jealous because i never cook a chocolate cake for him,
-He asked me when i will go in Montreal for visiting him.
-He said im more beautiful and he is happy to see me like that because he know that i can find a good and nice boyfriend!
-And at the end he apologized because he is sexually attracted by me and he feels like a bastard cause he doesnt want to make me suffer one more Time 🙁

I dont Know what to do!!! I was able to forget him and now i im lost and my feelings comes back! I dont understand him! Does he loves me?

admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:29 am

Hi Aline,

By any chance have you read my LDR post?

Anon

October 15, 2013 at 3:21 pm

I was dating this guy for 3 months and a week before we broke up he told me he wanted to get more serious and get even closer. Then he distanced himself completely before breaking up with me. We dated once before for like a week and he couldn’t handle it so we broke up but he came back about a month later and we were friends until we got together again. During our relationship he was always the one who seemed more interested, he said I love you first, etc. I get nervous about being in relationships because I’m really insecure and so he would always be comforting me about how strongly he felt for me and how happy he was. We go to college together so we spent time together everyday. I’ve met his friends and his family and they all loved me.
The tricky part is he struggles with depression and always lives in the future. He, his friends and his family all told me that being with me made him a better, happier and nicer person. Right before he started acting distant he starting applying to study abroad in Prague. When he broke up with me he said that we would only have 3 more months together, at best, before he left and that it would just make him leaving more painful because we would be even closer. I begged him to stay with me and cried and nothing worked. He said he still wanted to be friends but said that his feelings had changed and that he didn’t love me anymore because we were too different. This is so confusing to me because we started dating originally because we were so similar. A few days later he texted me saying how I was and asking how my weekend was and I said I was fine and that it was fun. He said that he was okay and that his weekend wasn’t “too bad.” We talked again the next day briefly. The day after that he told me he got into his Prague program and I congratulated him. I emailed him old pictures that weekend before deleting them in case he wanted them, he thanked me and said that the pictures were hilarious. Whenever I see him around he and his friends stare at me and he goes out of his way to say hi to me. I’m just so confused and I really miss him. I’m not talking to him anymore and I make sure that whenever he sees me I look happy and like I’m having fun with my friends. I normally pretend not to see him staring at me.
Also when he broke up with me he said he was going to miss me and that he would be depressed and that he wouldn’t get over me easily. He said he still had feeling for me and still cared for me. I gave him this poster I’d gotten him previously that I forgot to give to him earlier as well as the halloween costume I’d gotten him since we were going to do a couples costume. He said he would hang up the poster and also said that he would still wear the costume. It just all came out of nowhere and I can’t get over that he would do this to me after he promised he would communicate with me and never did even though I asked him what was wrong. He also said that the breakup had nothing to do with me, he said that I was a very good girlfriend. I’m just so confused. By the way this was like 12 days ago now.

admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:25 am

Have you tried any more of the NC rule?
Anon

October 16, 2013 at 3:26 am

I haven’t initiated contact since saturday. It’s hard though because I see him everyday and he goes out of his way to say hi and stares from afar. Should I try to avoid him?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:46 am

Yes and no. Just stay away as much as you can at this point but don’t flat out avoid him I guess.
Anon

October 17, 2013 at 4:38 am

I’ve been staying away and whenever I see him from afar I pretend not to but I can feel him looking at me and its just really weird. What do you think is going on with him?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:16 pm

I think he is looking at you and thinking “I miss her” or “why won’t she acknowledge me.”

Julia Corastozaa

October 11, 2013 at 1:58 am

Ok so my boyfriend of 4 weeks broke up with me last night. And homecoming is next week. He said that I talked bad stuff about him but I didn’t. And he said we never get to see each other and a bunch if other crap. Any way he asked me out at the very beginning of the year and I had just met him. And I told him I didn’t want to rush I wanted to be friends first but he insisted. So I went along and was his gf. And I really do like him. But he just told me today that he wants to be friends and then maybe we can be boyf girlf again. We wants to see other people, and I asked him if he liked someone else and he said no but maybe in the future.
I want to get back together with him, but I’m not sure why he is hesitant.

Do you think he likes someone else? What does I just want to be friends REALLY mean in my situation. Because before he said he really liked me but he thinks I didn’t like him.

Also how long should I wait before trying to get back together with him? I don’t want him to date another girl because I liked him. And I’m afraid that if I wait too long that he will forget about me and want to dare someone else.

But he also told me that he “won’t forget hat we had even when were are just friends”

Please help!
Btw we are both freshman

admin

October 11, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Have you tried any type of NC?
Julia Corastozaa

October 12, 2013 at 2:27 am

No I haven’t tried the no contact. I see him at school and I want to be nice to him because I want him back. I don’t want him to think I don’t like him if I stop talkin to him.

What should I do

Julia
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Well not doing NC puts you at a pretty big disadvantage.
Julia c

October 23, 2013 at 12:45 am

Haha yes slow dance.

I mean yes but I don’t think he will ask if he broke up with me an doesn’t want that kind of relationship back.

What exactly does no contact help do?

*******Is it possible for him to love me one day then say he doesn’t like me like that anymore……

I feel like that’s what he did
admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:31 pm

NC does a lot of things. This article should help you:

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-no-contact-rule/
Julia Corastozaa

October 21, 2013 at 10:28 pm

Sorry slow dance not face. 🙂

We went out to eat with my team and he went with us and it was my bday so when the waiter came back he and another girl told him that it was my birthday. And he was acting really nice and stuff. And then my friend said so do you still like her cuz u told the waiter…. Blah blah blah.

An he replied no, I was just trying to be nice.
I feel like trying to be nice means that he is still into me. But he tells everyone that he doesn’t like me anymore.

I have had exes in the past that I chose to split the relationship and when I think about it I kinda still like them even thigh I was te one that called it off.

Is it possible for him to not like me anymore? Do you think that he will come around to liking me?

How do I ask HIM to dance. Lol

Sorry I keep replying and stuff but I really need help.
Julia
admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:36 am

You want to do the slow face slow dance dance?

I will shut up now haha.

Well, call me old fashioned but doesn’t the guy ask the girl to dance?
Julia Corastozza

October 19, 2013 at 10:55 pm

Ok. Should I do the no contact this week and see what happens? Or do you think I should talk to him and be nice.

Homecoming is next Saturday and I want to slow face with him but idk how it’s going to work out.
I don’t want him to think I’m desperate but I still like him.

Do exes usually come back? How fast?
Thanks I really appreciate it!!
Julia
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Absoultely you should!

Slow face with him?
Julia Corastozaa

October 19, 2013 at 3:51 am

Ok so I tried not talking to him and he has kind if been avoiding me. And some people said that he still likes me and other people said the complete opposite. An he doesn’t want to talk to me but we did talk some and he is really confusing me. He said that he wants to move on an see other people but he wants to work back to what we had. But my friends that are two different ages talked to him and he told them that he was done with our relationship but he told another girl that he has some feelings for me.

He won’t give me a straight up answer and idk what friend to trust!!!! Please help.
Still Julia C
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:36 pm

He is probably not over you from what I know about men and exes.

Lisa

October 7, 2013 at 5:25 pm

if he wants to have sex and we both agree… is that a bad idea? can sex bring him closer even if he doesn’t feel the same? I know it will mess with my head and emotions… but in some way I think sex will help him get those feelings again? please help 🙁

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:06 am

In certain cases it can. However, I have seen it backfire more times than work.
Lisa

October 15, 2013 at 4:48 am

ok ok thanks!

I will do all of that, but how will i know where to click to the new update?!?!
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:47 am

You mean the new post? It should be here sometime tomorrow. I am kind of on a hectic schedule so I am praying I can get it all finished by tomorrow.
Lisa

October 19, 2013 at 3:34 pm

when my ex used to say “if you don’t let me game i want too.. but when you let me i dont want too” – how can this help in my scenario??? be someone he thinks isnt easy anymore? im not sure.. but i think it means… men want what they cannot have… that’s true but if he doesnt want me anymore how can this help me???
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:53 pm

I don’t understand that phrase?

You don’t let me game I want too? Am I missing something here.
Lisa

October 9, 2013 at 8:58 am

how do i get my ex bf to get his feelings back for me?! i saw him today… and we’ve been broken up for 2 weeks now.. and he is fed up with it and doesnt want to talk about it and move on! he said he still wants to be my friend because he cares about me as a person a lot!

i also asked him do you think you want to come back to this relationship.. he said “not now anyway, but im not sure, i dont know” he just promised me if its meant to be he will listen to his heart and have any feelings he wont hide it and he wont care about his parents”… but thats if he has feelings and wants to come back.. he said “dont think it’ll happen anytime soon though”

i cried a lot and that was so bad i know.. couldnt help it and then i asked him questions and he said if its meant to be it will be, i just dont like you in that way anymore only friends, the future knows,, i asked him do you think we’ll have a future… he said honestly i dont think so… but he said if he likes me again in any way he’ll follow his heart! i need to trust him about being worried about another girl, i know his not that type of guy at all and he also said.. if his feelings come back that it would be easier to cope with the parent issue because they told him ” if you choose her then don’t bother living in this house” but yeah thats harsh and he said the love went so no point in trying but if and when it does come back he said he will be my friend be normal friends and chat and hang out and he said he isnt interested in any other relationship just to be single and free and for this not to drag on!

just how do i get someones feelings back?! besides time and space… :/ ??? AND if i do the NC rule to him.. and were friends.. and he talks to me and its the end of october.. (which isnt 30 days… ) won’t that get him angry.. and not want to talk to me all together.. and if i do talk to him he’ll be like why were you ignoring me? friends dont do that?! HELP!!!
admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:13 am

NC def!

If he gets angry it is just proof that on some deep level he still cares about you.
Lisa

October 14, 2013 at 4:21 pm

do you think if i’ve let myself go, and i fix that… become a better fitter, sexier me… it will help him get feelings or a gut feeling of some sort when he sees me in a month and ive changed my appearance? is it true that a new appearance can spark a new attraction for someone if they look good and feel confident?

Also, because his told me constant amount of times how he wants me to work more and save money and get my license …. if i do all of that and change myself for the better and help my mum out with the restaurant more like he says… would it show to him that more independent? he told his friend ages ago when he wanted a 2 week break.. that “she relies on me” pretty much.. without him i cant succeed… so if i show him i can be independent when he sees the new good looking, fitter, different hair colour in two weeks.. it will help?!!

and when we are friends… should i play hard to get? not reply so fast when we talk? make the conversation busy and then let him know i have to go work now?

i mean.. i told my dad recently about him and i was proud of my ex bf.. how can he tell his parents about me if im not doing anything with my life but rely on him and be spoilt 🙁

do you see a future for us? my mum says yes… if only i change!

ive read all your posts.. so please reply 🙁 so sorry!
admin

October 15, 2013 at 2:19 am

I’m here I’m here.

Well, I think yes if you do all of those things you can see a definitely positive change.

Umm… my next post scheduled to be live on Wed will be a really interesting read for you I think.
Lisa

October 10, 2013 at 8:23 am

keep in mind we havent gone no talking at all since we started getting to know eachother! 3 and a half years ago!

but when you said ” when people get “frienzoned” they accept their fate and actually become friends with the person they are interested in. Now, what do friends do? Well, they talk, text message, facebook, etc. I am not saying this behavior is bad I am just saying that you can’t expect to get back on your ex boyfriends radar doing this.” – HOW DO YOU GET BACK ON HIS RADAR?! i was thinking being his friend and building a close bond from start… and he wont see me until he said he is ready!(how will NC work when he says he will talk when he is ready, then when he is we talk normally as friends?)

pretty much his doing the NC rule to me by saying wait until im ready to see and talk to you! ill do my own NC rule but… when were friends and hanging out, how do i not let the friendzone trap me!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Haha check out this article. This is pretty good for explaining how to avoid that: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/
Lisa

October 10, 2013 at 5:08 am

thats the thing! i know he cares about me as a friend.. im just scared he will like me being his friend more than being his gf..? how do i show him that being his friend has restrictions?

I’ll do the NC rule but its so hard thinking about him and how i want him back :'( also when i asked him about why he said no future and then said if its meant to be? he said” NO FUTURE BECAUSE, I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, BUT IM SAYING NO NOW BECAUSE OF THE PROBLEMS BETWEEN US”
is there hope? ^

also is it possible for feelings to come back after a 3 yr relationship.. and he said he has been feeling no spark and distance between for 2 months? is it possible for him to like me again?
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:13 pm

Youve read this page right: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/

Lisa

October 6, 2013 at 9:19 am

Well My boyfriend dumped me about 11 DAYS ago and we were together for 2 years and 8 months! I am 18 and he is 18 too! he is 6 days older than me and his back ground is asian (Hong Kong) and myself from the middle east (persian) and I’m so in love with him… but he said the relationship isn’t going to work because he was thinking realistically! he was my first boyfriend, my first love and it was our first serious relationship! I lied 2 yrs ago when I was immature and 16 and tested him… I lied and said I had a disease of some sort, and I know… why would I do that right? but I got scared and tested him because of my insecurities and how I couldn’t trust men … he understood the reason but his parents don’t approve of me and they hate me! he said his mum will never change her mind and he has to respect their opinion… but I asked him, why do you care now? Before you didn’t? and he replied with, “I was in the lovey dovey stage and didn’t think realistically” I understand what I did… but his parents are so strict and because he has lost patience and them giving him so much pressure and stress he simply gave up. My mother also said it’s because he fell out of love… if he still loved me he wouldn’t care what they thought! We’ve never really had a proper break( in the 2 years and 8 months.. we always ended up talking – well I did, so would this NC help him?)… and he asked for time and will talk to me as a friend when he is ready! We ended the relationship mutually on that day and we met up, talked… had break up sex (even though we both wanted it, no harm :s ) and we went to have lunch and play at the arcade! we got along like friends and laughed and him flirting a bit. I want to be his friend and so does he, but I’m still inlove with him! I know being his friend is better than nothing, and he even told me “if we are meant to be, and I get feelings for you again, I will listen to my heart and not think about parents” So I have some hope! out of the 11 days.. we’ve talked 5 times maybe and it’s not good because he needs space and time… he said he is sick of everything like I mentioned before and has exams coming to worry about! and at November 26th he is going to China to study until end of January… will that space help him? Should I not talk to him so I don’t get emotions/feelings for him while his away so it doesn’t ruin both our times when I’m away on holiday too?

I’ve listened to all my family and friends and his friends, all have said to fix yourself! be a better me, and I am. I’ve been eating better and going to run and do cardio and get a new hair colour 🙂 but do you think the NC rule will help? even when we talk as friends it’s normal, we can have a normal conversation but once he decides he is ready to talk to me I will be his friend and start all over again?
I just need help… If we do go back together… I hope he stands up to his parents.. but because he is only 18 he respects their decision and won’t fight for me because he has lost love/hope/patience all he said he wants to do is be single… he said he doesn’t know what the future holds but right now he isn’t interested in a relationship! ( and when he does talk to me, should we just start fresh?)

I think the space and time i give him will help, yes? Because it’s been a habit and a routine of him always being there so it’s hard! But after he talks to me I will try playing hard to get and theres no stress about him moving on because my ex bf isn’t the type that talks to many girls, he isn’t interested yet and said the whole “it’s not you it’s me..” because his lost feelings and the SPARK BEING GONE he said and his parents hating me affecting him to give up and think theres no future…

I know this is dragging it on and I’m so sorry but maybe he needs lots of time and maybe we aren’t meant to be now? but maybe when he matures or in a year time (still being close friends) he might fall for me again. We didn’t have a bad relationship, he said we grew distant. I have faith in my heart he will return but if he doesn’t I will be his friend!

will him not talking to me for a month then seeing me get his emotions back? I just have to be patient now and wait for him to talk when he is ready but still do my own thing and have my own life! My ex boyfriend is a loyal person, and I know from his friends they say deep down he cares about still! I mean.. nearly 3 year relationship and him knowing me 6 months before then, and asking me out… back in 2010, I’m sure he wouldn’t move on quick, or forget me…? He still has the promise ring we bought for each other around his neck with the chain I got him ( he said it’s because it goes with every clothing, which may be true) and how he still hasn’t changed his facebook status to single (his reason to his friend that asked is, “i cant be bothered” pretty much said “ceebs” ) But I don’t know what to do… I’ll be his friend, fix myself and maybe he will feel the spark again… maybe not now but maybe in the future…

what are your tips and advice for knowing my huge dilemma! keep in mind I haven’t met his parents and he said they will never change their mind… but shouldn’t we worry about his parents later on together? So the being friends with him and how to contact him after breaking up is no issue.. we can have normal conversations! It took him 6 months to get to know me and ask me out.. he was still in Highschool year 11/12 and now that he knows me is there an advantage? I won’t give up on him!!! help!!!

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:09 am

Sounds like he needs a spine. To let your parents to control your relationship is kind of weak in my opinion. They should have some pull but not THAT much.

Do NC definitely. You need to reestablish your high value to him.
Lisa

October 7, 2013 at 6:58 am

what do you mean my high value to him!?!?

and the break up ended because he was fed up with everything and the pressure he got from his parents, and I know deep down he still wants us to have another shot but he isn’t ready now!! he needs time to clear his head and see what he wants I think!

so besides the NC rule, is there anything else I could do!? :'(
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:45 am

He needs to look at you and go “I have to have her in my life.” Kind of the UG effect.
Lisa

October 17, 2013 at 8:42 am

Im just wondering, even if my ex boyfriend says his happy by himself, his happy single and then he still feels this way after this no contact period… how can i change his view about that?

In my head im thinking… well he is happy now because the stress and drama has finally stopped dragging on but if with the space he asked still lets him think he is happy by himself… what can i do!? still try to be the UG, play hard to get, push/pull theory?

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO… if he is happy by himself or pretending to be happy? i mean i can still go through with my plan and be his friend and build that up and slowly get him interested visually when i look different and be more independent with work and get my license..

im just over thinking… if he is happy now when he said im happy by myself… and with the space given to him he is still happy.. how do i change that so he sees that he can be happy with me also!?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:37 pm

Well, obviously there is no guarantee that he will but basically what you can do is a lot of what you described. Become the UG, Push Pull, leave him wanting more, jealousy, etc, etc.
Lisa

November 7, 2013 at 7:16 am

thank you thank you 😀

I just came to my logical thinking and thought… hmm deep down he still cares about me he even said ” take care silly, i still care about a lot <3 " i know he does 🙂 but the problems between us were so much the pressure and drama all got too much for him hence him wanting space and to break up!

the problems override his love for me, once the problems are cleared his love will slowly come back too… he even said "no future because i dont know what will happen but not now because of the problems between us"

I SEE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL ;D thank you so much for everything Chris, you have really helped me realise why I pushed him away and to be less emotional! I have history with my ex, and in order for me to change and bring value in his life why wouldnt he come back 😉 ?

I'm seeing him in 2 weeks on my birthday the big reveal so excited! and the catchup again maybe the next day just us two to talk about letter and give him his birthday gift and then go to lunch 😀

What do you think I should do while were sitting on a table eating dinner to grab his attention? any tips :)? Do you think I have a chance with him? i mean he did start to not like me as much but he cares and worries a lot 🙂
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:25 pm

The number one attention grabber- BE BEAUTIFUL!

Simple as that.
Lisa

November 20, 2013 at 5:03 am

yeah he does… i think he needs them right now.. because when he truly loved me he didn’t care about them but once the love went… his parents became more important!

how do i become his friend when i keep stuffing up? keep in mind he hasnt seen me since october the 9th and ive lost a lot of weight and in person we have way more fun and because his annoyed at me and not in the mood to talk its obvious to back off until he is ready.. but how do i keep a close contact while his away in china without being too distant?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Well, just talking to him via texts or phone I guess would be good for that.
Lisa

November 19, 2013 at 11:26 am

ok well i was going to do that… but he told me today he couldnt come to my birthday and said could we catchup lunch instead? I said yeah… but then i really wanted him to come to my birthday dinner so i might change the date to sunday and i asked if i could see him on my birthday lunch too? he said
“ill see” so yeah after his exam tomorrow guess he’ll tell me. what now?!
because his so annoyed at me and some what angry his words seem cold so he needs more space and time so after he goes to china i wont talk unless he does… and i saw his mum walk past i quickly messaged saying oh shit saw your mum is that ok? he said “dont care lol doesntl matter” i said i quickly turned right, oh she still doesn’t know about us? and he said “she knows, but i dont care”

like … because his mum and dad kept abusing him and giving him crap and not trusting him i guess he finally told them and now he can go out more and not get their abuse. but could it be he said he doesn’t care about the mum seeing me or me seeing her because its not an issue anymore and his so fed up and angry that im still dragging it on :/ ?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Man he has horrible parents.
Lisa

November 18, 2013 at 3:59 am

well i know now from his friend that there is nothing going on and that theyre just friends! and she isnt ready for another relationship for a while!

but I guess i stuffed up yesterday i talked to him through someone else’s account and he found out and told his friend “shes using alice’s account to talk to me want to tell her to fuck off” but he was annoyed at the time! anyway, so his friend said dont worry he was just dissappointed at the message and thought you’ve gone back to square 1 and that he wanted you to grow from the break up.
he said ” you know i was actually going to talk to you after exams but the more stuff like this you did made me not want too” 🙁 but yeah.. i need to redeem myself, he still hasn’t seen me and my birthday is in 4 days and then ill give him the letter afterwards!

whats your advice, he said his coming to my birthday and yeah but the girl is no issue theyre just close friends.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Well remain calm. Just be very classy at the birthday. No drama just be happy, pleasant and don’t be afraid to talk to him.
Lisa

November 16, 2013 at 12:52 pm

how do i get my ex bf back if i think in his mind his moved on from the idea of us/our relationship?? im not sure but i think he has moved on.

his close with this girl but their friends she just got dumped about 4 days ago but their friends but because its new they’re hell joking around etc like how i used to with him. when we talked today he didnt feel awkward he replied but his still got exams, he hasnt seen me so ive lost about 13kgs and i just need your help? how do you get a guy back if in his mind its finished? even if you’ve changed for the better, become more independent ???

I wont give up, i love him, but i need to be close with him again and closer he is with her! he is going china for 2 months so ill try not get distant with him and be in contact!
when he comes back we have 3-4 weeks with eachother without her in the same city!!
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:29 pm

Well tell me what you have done so far exactly.
Lisa

November 10, 2013 at 2:49 am

thank you so much 🙂 Means a lot that you take your time out to deal with all out crap/issues everyday :/ and on top of that HAVE A LIFE! haha
Seriously without this guide i wouldnt have been able to be less emotional and think rational 🙂 I just want my best friend back and slowly build the connection from there with the chasing, being UG, push/pull etc 😀

and by utilizing the emotional bond, you mean… expanding the connection, making it deeper?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm

Hahaha sounds like a pretty smart approach to me 😉
Lisa

November 8, 2013 at 5:06 pm

so if i just be myself act beautiful and graceful and flirt with him and have fun is that okay?

I mean would you ever take your ex girlfriend back if she changed into something better ?
Lisa

November 9, 2013 at 3:11 am

so in saying that you lost feelings for your ex because you didnt want to deal with all the crap, pressure and stress also had exams and the past 2 months you kept fighting with each other… you said the spark went (maybe because your ex gained a lot) and problems over ride the love you had for her….

and in saying the statement above, if she got more attractive on your first reveal of a catchup (her birthday with other friends and your friends) , she became more independent, she was happy and smiling and being the old bubbly, funny girl she always was, she had a job and an income now not just relying on you!

so in saying that… would you see it to realise you can be happy by yourself but shes changed AND you can be happy with her now too? or you would think.. sorry too late? even though you two will always have an emotional bond, a soft spot for eachother, tell me oh MASTER Chris 😀 what do you think ? lol
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:47 am

I think the emotional bond is KEY!

Alright so if you can utilize that emotional bond and convince me that the next time around will be different and if I know that you are one of the best girls for me heck ya I would consider getting back with you.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Absolutely I would!

If it was close to after a breakup.
Lisa

November 5, 2013 at 3:09 am

is it true he may be happy now but it’s because i dont add value to his life.. once i change my bad qualities and him see me in a new light and bring value back into his eyes, why wouldnt he come back?

It’s because my ex couldn’t take it anymore… at first he wanted just a break but then decided what if he comes back from break and still doesn’t feel the same so he said rather break up and not drag this on and dissappoint me.

Do you think the space that he needed will let him miss me and then once he sees me looking more attractive at my birthday, that will spark something within him right?

Also Chris, if you and your ex gf had a close emotional bond and went out for 3 years but then had space and told her you just didn’t feel like it was the same and spark went and grew distant etc, but if you saw her 1 and a half months later and she is looking so much hotter, lost weight and looks happy, would you get a weird feeling in your stomach? would you realise wow, i missed her laughs and joking around!?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:57 pm

I think it will but I would also be prepared for the possiblity that things may not work out.
Lisa

November 6, 2013 at 3:03 am

yeah i know but he really loved me and when he sees me at my birthday something will spark inside him and i’ll give him the personal letter in face to face so we can start fresh and build it up slowly!! 🙂

I have a good feeling about this, everyone thinks he’ll come back because when we were trying to fix us before he said it wont work out.. he said “maybe we need a break, i dont know, maybe the break of you going on holiday and me going on holiday will help” and i said what if you dont come back to me he said ” if i really do love you that much and you love me that much then i dont see why just because we have been apart for so long can will affect us in any way”

so he just needs break and space to miss me and us, 🙂 I won’t give up on him, i truly love him and didn’t treat him right, took him for granted he needs to see me be independent and get attracted to me again, that attraction will help spark something, dont you think?
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:22 pm

I think your on to something there 😉
Lisa

October 8, 2013 at 9:42 am

thank you so much for that help, do you think space and time will let him think clearly? He cant think about the future or the past.. because he says stop dragging it on and asking qustions 🙁 I understand… i need to let go! but… how do you bring the spark back? NC rule? why will the Nc rule help him.. when he doesn’t think theres ever hope.. ? 🙁

I need to see what I can do… its not just his parens he told me, the reason was he just lost love and doesn’t think he will ever feel them again… but how would he know right? no one knows the future.. he might or he might not… all I can do is give him space, time, fix myself and do what? 🙁 any other tips to make him get the spark back?
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:03 am

Not only will it help him think clearly but it will let YOU think clearly.

Sorry I am answering this from my phone so I can’t go into huge detail.
Lisa

October 7, 2013 at 7:00 am

he also stated the spark was gone, we were being distant and his feelings weren’t as strong as before!

is there any hope for us? 🙁
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:45 am

Looks like you just need to find a way to reignite that spark.
Lisa

October 7, 2013 at 8:44 am

he just told me we can only be friends :”( before when he said its meant to be.. he meant it but he doesnt think it would happen.. and i need to not have so much hope :'( he said we can be friends and hang out but.. his happy by himself and told me to move on with my life and not dwell and bother his friends!

what do i do :'(!?!!?!
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:47 am

Well, can you only be friends with him?
Lisa

October 7, 2013 at 7:13 am

I’m just scared he will always use his parents as an excuse, because I know before he didn’t care but now he does because he’s thinking realistically. He even said if his feelings come back its meant to be and he won’t care about what they say, BUT didn’t control the relationship the control him by abusing him on how much they hate ME and how they will never work out. He just wants their approval.. and they’ll never give it to me!

I won’t give up on him, love him too much! But being his friend can that help give me any chance?
Is it possible after no contact rule when he sees me for the first time in ages, I’m fitter and smiling and laughing/joking around and different colour hair, that something inside him will go ” ok… haven’t had this feeling in a long time” ?

please reply :'(
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:45 am

Any guy who uses his parents as an excuse…. needs to grow a spine.
Lisa

October 6, 2013 at 9:35 am

his my best friend and he said I’m his best girl friend. I know he still cares… we have this amazing chemistry and maybe time and space will help him realise when we do catch up how a like and fun we are to be around!
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:09 am

What caused the breakup?
Lisa

November 21, 2013 at 1:24 pm

what do i do if in his mind his moved on from the relationship? is it true he has moved on now and doesn’t want to be with me now.. but no one knows the future!

what if were friends again when he is ready and he likes me again!? how can you increase your chances when in his head he has come to reality that we are over and he cant even talk to me as a friend now.. he said he isn’t ready because i keep ruining it with going behind his back and doing silly things.. sigh help 🙁 what do i do now?!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 8:23 pm

Well, you have to take baby steps in this case.
Lisa

November 22, 2013 at 1:25 am

so there is still a chance?? people are saying i need to let go and move on from him so i have my own life because he might or might not come back and people are saying they doubt it :'( !!! but no one knows the future.. My ex is just so fed up and dissapointed with me because i keep stuffing up, will baby steps be too late to get him back if his moved on in his head???

i don’t know why but i think he might come back but now.. im not sure because i keep getting him upset and annoyed! I need serious help, i need him back but his closed the book of our relationship,.. is there hope? chance? what do i do?!
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Sure there is hope but you need to take things really slow and try to think logically instead of emotionally.
Lisa

November 23, 2013 at 4:06 am

what do you mean logically? and also if theres another girl getting close but only as best friends (plus she just got dumped not too long ago maybe 2 weeks now on her 2 yrs anniversary) should I be worried that shes a threat? because his friend told me theres nothing going on, they’re all best friends and when she found out i thought they liked each other she told my ex “nothing is gonna happen and that she doesn’t want to lead him on or anything” and he keeps saying us three (your ex, me and her) are all just friends. People are saying he could be so mad at you that his just getting comfort from someone else because she doesn’t message him about me so he feels calm around her. im just really scared that because theyre friends he can get close and like her? but everyone is saying thats just stereotypical.

the girl isn’t really an issue but if i want to take baby steps with her in the picture and being his best friend what do i do!? how i do become closer with him than he is with her? he isn’t ready now.

I can’t even sleep anymore, please help my dilemma about if i should be worried even if his friend said there is nothing going on and what do you mean logically?! so there is still a chance even if my EX has moved on from the idea of us ever getting back together and wants to move on. But his so annoyed and angry could just be why, but i’m still in his mind obviously regardless. so giving him 2 months off from me when his in china and he will talk when he is ready.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Logically vs emotionally.

If you make decisiosn based on emotions you can tend to make mistakes. BUT if you make decisions based on logic you can get much better results.
Lisa

November 28, 2013 at 6:17 pm

is it a rebound if he liked her before we broke up but even if they are going out?!!?!?

she’s also really easy, and has a flirty personality and everything think she’s a “slut” (whore) and won’t approve of their relationship if they are hiding it…

could they also just be friends with benefits but they like each other?

i dont know help me im so confused
Lisa

November 28, 2013 at 6:13 pm

well today i found out… while he was in hong kong he asked her out to movies and dinner and the girl told one of his friends that “we made out and nearly had sex” then later today apparently they reached second stage which was when he invited her over to his grandma’s house and they were doing sexual stuff on the couch and his pants were unbuttoned and his grandma saw and they went in his room where he was staying and she was on top of him when she walked in again on them… 🙁 they are moving too fast!! his losing his friends saying his changed and he keeps rejecting his friend for her in hong kong.

Could this be a lust situation or a rebound or LOVE?! Keep in mind he liked her for ages before we broke up for his liked her for around 3-4 months now wouldn’t it be too soon for them to rush into sexual stuff since it took him 3 months for him and me to just kiss and 10 months to have sex.. but he was 16 and everything first was with me so now his 19 it could be that it doesn’t matter as much? but were all shocked and sad and angry. im so disgusted 🙁 i dont know what to think! is it a rebound if he liked her before we broke up but even if they are going out, max its been 1 months but its too soon to do sexual stuff!

she had 2 cyber relationships and i think he knows but ignoring it just because its new, and exciting and honeymoon stage with her.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON?! IT’S LIKE IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE HIMSELF, DOGGING HIS FRIENDS FOR A GIRL, NEARLY HAVING SEX THIS QUICK, CAN IT REALLY BE LOVE OR LUST OR REBOUND?! please help me I can’t stop crying :'(
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:58 am

Give it time. You are going to have to be patient.
Lisa

November 28, 2013 at 3:21 am

in reply to your “Well thats kind of the trick. It could take six months.. Thats why you need to be sure you want him back.”

If I do want him back but he is “sure” he doesn’t think it’ll work out again or whatever even if he is falling for someone else and they go through the honeymoon stage… then they eventually stop. the honeymoon stage can last up to maybe 1 year in my ex’s case because he is so clingy and this girl loves attention but shes immature and that is why HER EX BF dumped her after being together for 2 yrs.. but shes had a bad history.. she liked my ex while having a bf and after 1 yr with her own bf she was seeing someone else online (cyber relationship) not sure if my ex bf knows or not… but he will find out and learn from his mistakes…

but if you love someone and they hurt you while getting close to someone behind your back and telling our problems to her… he obviously had a thing and when she found out my ex and me had break up sex she was dissappointed in him…

if it takes longer than 6 months of them breaking up or whatever then whats next ? what do i do? he is so sure he wont come back not saying because of anyone… but yeah help 🙁
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:54 am

Take things slow and aim for a date thats what I would try.
Lisa

November 27, 2013 at 2:59 am

how do i be patient and work my way in when we decided we wouldnt talk or contact eachother when were ready?! it could take him 6 months? won’t it be too late then of 1- he has a new gf or 2- he doesn’t think a second shot will work if our problems are still there like his parents not approving and him being hurt with my lies.

i told him don’t be scared or worried if you ever miss me or want to get back just tell me even if i have moved on don’t be scared, he replied with “okays” so if he does one day he will tell me…

what now? what would you do if your ex said she does’t think you two have a chance or doesn’t want to try (could it because theyre so sure now and later on might calm down and miss you?) but keep in mind this girl is getting close with my ex and they’re meeting eachother in hong kong shes a real flirt but has history of liking men while in a relationship and she’s going to hurt my ex … but he has to learn for himself..

i miss him and love him but his too busy texting and getting emotionally close to this girl he wont even admit it when i said i know whats happening he said theres nothing going on… but come on who puts her name in chinese and a love heart symbol.

what do i do chris? i think they might go out later on like when they both come back from holidays.. even though she just got dumped and he dumped me 2 months ago.. so he wouldnt want people to give him back looks..
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Well thats kind of the trick. It could take six months.. Thats why you need to be sure you want him back.
Lisa

November 25, 2013 at 2:56 am

what would you do then if you loved your ex but she was getting close to someone else? would you give up? what strategies could you do to have them back? its not hopeless but really hard to get him back if this is the case 🙁

HELP!
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:53 pm

I wouldn’t give up I would just be patient and work my way in.
Lisa

November 24, 2013 at 1:11 am

well what do i do if i think he likes someone else and that is why his so sure he won’t come back!? I’m so hurt because everyone saying theyre friends and i’m overreacting because she just got dumped 2-3 weeks on her 2 year anniversary so shes pretty hurt im guessing. but she even went and told my ex when she found out i thought they liked eachother that “nothing was going to happen and that she didn’t want to lead him on” 🙁 I’m so scared DO I GIVE UP ON HIM IF I TRULY LOVE HIM AND HE HAS 0% FEELINGS FOR ME?
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Only if you want to. Only if you see there is no point in continuing. In the end its all up to you.
Lisa

October 6, 2013 at 1:18 pm

do you think he’ll miss me? even if his sick of the relationship, drama and pressure from his parents? his lost love and said the spark is gone.. 🙁 and I’ve read through your guides, so please reply 🙁 !

and when we’re friends is it ok to kiss him on the cheek when his about to go China or a nice hug?! and why?!
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:14 am

Hahah of course I will reply!

I can’t guarantee he will miss you BUT if you follow what I say it will give you the best chance to make him miss you.

If you are friends and you normally do that with friends I think it is ok. But if you don’t normally do that with friends then it is probably not.
Lisa

November 21, 2013 at 2:26 am

and even if his annoyed and needs time to cool down more… its never too late to get back? I mean, break ups aren’t supposed to get back in 1-2 months right? is another 2 months too long ?

I think my ex needs more time and space because i kept ruining it with my emotional mind and going behind his back to ask stuff and he got pissed… he said the more stuff like this i did the more he didn’t want to talk to me 🙁

so I really love him, i’m trying to change and he needs to see me before he leaves to china… if you were annoyed at your ex gf that kept doing stuff like this would you need more time to cool down away from her and talk to her when you feel ready? I’m scared if i become distant he will realise that reality of us not together becomes more real 🙁 HELP CHRIS!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Well the alternative is what? You turn into a text gnat and get on his nerves? Trust me NC is a smart idea here.
Lisa

November 21, 2013 at 2:27 am

I need him to see me in a happy, confident and positive mood! and not talk about us!! then maybe he’ll see with my weight loss as well 🙂
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Absolutely spot on!

Anonima

October 4, 2013 at 8:46 am

My bf and i broke up abt 3 monthes ago, hes the one who ended things cz we wete having too many problens..a lot of things happened since then and now wer kind of having sex every now and then, just sex wer not even hanging out. But i told him it bothered me and id like us to make other plans and go out in public, he understood and told me its gna change. Is the sex an advantage in my situation ot not? Do the same rules apply in my case? We never rly talk about our feelings anymore but he gets jealous whenever he sees me talking to guys, and hes not seeing anyone either.. Please help? Lol thanks

admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:07 am

Ok, have you read this page yet?

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

Goodgirl

October 3, 2013 at 8:07 am

For the past month my bf of a year has pushed away. He found out a month ago that he is going to go to court to fight for custody of his children. I have told him that I understand and will be there for him. He’s also a firefighter and always under a ton of stress. I try my best to be drama free and to make his life easyer. Because I want to spend the rest of my life w him. Tonight he told me that he feels we are now just friends and it’s hard for home to have a gf that’s a friend.. He also said he’s very sexually attracted to me and he often gets jealous over other guys liking me. I feel that the stress he’s building is the reason for this friend zone dealing… What should I do??? I know we would have a happily ever after and a very honest, healthy long term relationship!

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:40 am

I think its worth fighting for then!

But you are going to have to be patient and you are also going to have to implement a NC rule most likely.

Amanda L.

October 2, 2013 at 9:08 pm

At my first party at grad school, I made eyes with someone on the dance floor, we ended up dancing the whole night before losing each other when the bar closed. That week we found each other again, and started hooking up for the next month (not sleeping together). Eventually that initial interest faded as other people at school became tempting and interesting and we both ended up dating other people for the next year or so. In the meantime, we became best friends. I’m not just calling it that – we have spent ample time with each other’s friends and families and even had dinner with both our parents during graduation. The flirtation and chemistry existed when we were friends but we never did anything about it until the last party of school when he made the move to rekindle. We were intensely together for about 2 months when I freaked out about losing our friendship etc., which subsequently caused him to freak out and for us to stop sleeping together. We went back to being best friends, but would end up late at night together and being generally inappropriate, mostly to his instigation. He ended up initiating sleeping together again – missing me, telling me he wants to spend all his time with me, I’m the only girl who he talks to about anything, and that the two of us are so natural together (which he used to say all the time). Two weeks later, he walked me home and left and I was left so confused. We talked the next day and I told him I couldn’t switch on and off the way he has, and that I had feelings I was willing to pursue. He told me that part of his feelings for me were romantic, and part were as best friends and that he thought he was something he would know by now if he thought we should be in a relationship but that losing my friendship would absolutely destroy him. He told me he would do anything I wanted for me to get over it – so I’m currently NC him at all as much as I can because we have all the same friends. It’s hard because he is truly my best friend, but he also has me so confused – he initiated everything between us, said everything to me about us, and then made me feel like the victim. I’m hoping that the time apart from me will make him feel empty, or at least he’ll understand the stark contrast in his life without depending on me. So far he put me on group emails that I do not need to be on, and has initiated having drinks with my roommate (also a good friend). Any advice? What else can I do?

admin

October 3, 2013 at 1:51 am

Well at this point waht is important is what YOU are doing with your NC.
Amanda L.

October 2, 2013 at 9:20 pm

I would also add that the relationship between us is not in a vacuum – the chemistry between us was something that everyone noticed and thought we had been lying about being friends.. and not more. He acknowledged our chemistry during our talk to be back to friends this week…

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