What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

korbin

October 1, 2013 at 12:40 am

so today my boyfriend broke up with me and he told me it would be better if we we’re just friends for a little bit and that he needs space. I really didn’t want to accept at first but then I kind of faked a smile and said okay. The only problem is im still deeply in love with him. we only been dating for 3 months but it was the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in! I asked him where I went wrong and he just said it felt like we weren’t dating for the past 2 weeks. But the past week I had gotten a rash on my face so I ignored him because I was embarrassed. He didn’t know but I did. So after I found out he was mad at me I told him everything. I told him he could blame everything on me and that it was all my fault. he also had told me that he had took a break from his ex then got back with her again. but he said his ex use to get mad at the littlest things and go off and hit him but im not like that at all. So my question is…..since I am not like his ex…do I have a better chance of getting out of the friend zone and keeping a relationship?

admin

October 1, 2013 at 2:07 am

Yes you probably do I suppose haha.

CID

September 30, 2013 at 10:36 am

Hey Chris,

Me and my bf was together for a little over 7 and a half years. Just last week, he slept over my house a couple days and this past weekend too. He usually doesn’t sleep over because I live with my parents. So I usually sleep over his place. When I go over to his place, he asks me to do favors for him such as simple house chores that I did when we were together and I was living with him. Also when I go over, he shows affection such as hugging, cuddling and kissing. He does these acts for about 10-15 minutes then he stops. But it’s constant. When he stops it’s only for another 15-20 minutes then it’s back to showing affection. It’s like he’s hot then cold kind of thing. We do have sex sometimes when we are together.

A couple weeks ago, I took a small trip to another state because I needed to attend a wedding since I was one of the braids maids. I took the trip by myself and it was my first time flying solo. He knew about it too. Before I left, since he had to drop me off to work, he told me “have a safe trip, have fun and make good choices” I didn’t understand what he meant by make good choices. However, before my trip, a couple days before I left, we had a confession conversation where we confessed a lot of things that we’ve done after we broke up and some things we’ve done before the break up. With that being said, we the break up is actually both of our faults and we both did something behind each other’s back without saying anything. So it actually led to the break up. After all the confessions, we both agreed to leave the past behind and not bring it up in ways where we would use it as revenge against each other. Since then, we both have not brought up the past. This confession talk was about the girls he met and the numbers he’s gotten from the girls he met and vice versa with me and the guys I’ve met.

Just this past weekend, I brought up where we stand. I asked him if we were in the process of just working things out and what we are. He said “idk. Ftfs?” I mean I can see where being ftfs because we do have sex but doesn’t ftfs usually just strictly sex? Like there’s not cuddling, kissing, hugging and house chores or favors involved? He doesn’t know if he wants to work things out or if he wants to be single. I’m stuck in a rut where idk what more to do with him. I’m losing my patience and it’s getting my frustrated. What can I do to get out of this position I’m in with him of being uncertain and head towards at least slowly progressing into working things out? Is he testing me? Does he still have feelings for me? I know I’m still attractive to him because I asked him and he said yeah. I need your help Chris! Can you help me?

admin

October 1, 2013 at 2:08 am

You can step away from the situation for a bit. Come back with a fresh perspective.
CID

October 1, 2013 at 3:12 am

What do you mean by that?

Libby

September 24, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Hi Chris, me and my ex were together nearly 7 years from when I was 15 (him 17). He firstly wanted space and time and called for a break but after a week I needed to know where I stood and he ended it completely. Previous to this we didn’t see each other for 7 weeks as we worked at different summer camps, there a girl showed him a lot of attention and flirted which was new and exciting for him. He then returned saying he hadn’t missed me and feels more like friends and needs to live while his young before he knows he ready to commit completely, yet he’s just gone and got with this girl he met at summer camp. He’s also started uni as a fresher and I’ve just graduated so I just feel it’s hopeless to even try now? Surely 30 days of NC will just encourage him to get over me. In the meantime I’ve deleted Facebook but got plenty of mutual friends uploading pics with me out with them, using instagram and checking-in at clubs and places on twitter! Still thing NC is worth it?

admin

September 25, 2013 at 1:07 am

I think NC will have the opposite effect than you think.

Crystal

September 17, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Can NC work months after a break-up? We broke up back in April and after a few weeks managed to start talking and were working on our friendship and working towards getting back together. (There was a lot of previous damage we had to work on.) As of a few weeks ago he started acting different towards me and now ask to be friends “right now”, etc. He is a widower who lost his wife in May of last year and we started our relationship very quickly that following August. Am I his back burner girl or is he confused and not sure? I think he may be seeing someone but I’m not sure. We still talk daily but I don’t want to be just friends bc I don’t think it’s possible. He has a young son too which I am very close to and I don’t want to hurt him in all of this either but if I need to leave this situation…I wanted to try one last attempt. Do you think NC will work or anything? He says he still wants me in his life.

admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:07 am

It can. It depends.

When was the last time ou talked with him?
Crystal

September 19, 2013 at 7:49 pm

I guess I’m just wondering if going no contact is even worth it if he may already be seeing someone? Or if I just tell him I can’t be friends and walk away, will that kill any chances? I don’t want to force him to be with me but being friends with him and loving him so much is just too hard. Plus having his son involved makes it just as hard to move on and not want to feel the way things were before. How do I get out of the friend zone and get him to realize I made the sacrifices for him and that I love him and that he can lose me and I won’t always be around. Thank you Chris!’
admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:49 pm

I think it is b/c you would do NC even if you were trying to get over him. Do it for your own sanity!
Crystal

September 24, 2013 at 4:40 pm

I also know how you want us to better ourselves during this process. Well with this happening twice, I’ve lost like 20+cpounds and have had to get more clothes and am trying to look and feel better. Any other suggestions?
admin

September 25, 2013 at 1:00 am

Go out socially, make lots of friends and try something out of your comfort zone.
Crystal

September 24, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Well I am trying to stay busy and not replay and dwell on everything. But it’s been extremely hard. He started texting me yesterday and has figured out that I’m not talking to him but keeps saying things and asking for some stuff and if I want a few things of his before his moves to his new house. I keep ignoring him but he’s making me feel guilty for not talking to him. I’m trying to be strong but I feel weak. I’m not sure why he’s wanting to talk to me unless its about control. He already has someone else lined up. What does he need me for?
admin

September 25, 2013 at 1:06 am

Wait I am confused a little here. What do you mean about control?
Crystal

September 21, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Haha for my sanity yes! And I have…for the last two days. I was determined to do the NC thing and then this happened:

Something happened with his son and his nanny called me trying to locate my ex (who wasn’t answering his cell at work) and didn’t have his work number. I gave it to her and left the situation alone. Mins after that Convo, he texts me about the situation. I didn’t respond. Then he says something again. Though I don’t want to care what he or anyone else thinks, this is involving his son so I waited for awhile and said “I’m sorry this happened to him an I hope he’s okay.” He then responded immediately with more about taking him to urgent care (his son was pushed off a slide and got a really bad gash on his head.)

I feel bad for responding but I felt with how much I love and care about his son, this situation was different. I do feel since the nanny made it aware of what happened first that I didn’t over react and get all worried and show him the usual attention I would if this or something else involving his son had happened. I’m starting no contact again but I don’t know if its too late. We broke up in April, I thought we were attempting to work on things all summer then he starts acting different in August and weeks later says he just wants to be friends. I don’t want to be friends and he still doesn’t get the hint. I know jumping into things with me after his wife passed was not what either of us expected but I can’t handle having him in my life and dating while I still love him. Is no contact even an option or worth it? I just need a guys point of view. If he’s contacting me less and may have someone else, is it even worth it? And I am in the process of trying to get your book. I just don’t know what to do. It just seems like he doesn’t need me anymore and is getting attention elsewhere. Is it too late for us?
admin

September 21, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Hi Crystal,

My opinion is that you should continue going forward. However, I am not hearing a lot about what YOU are doing during this NC period. All I am hearing about is what HE is doing.
Crystal

September 19, 2013 at 7:52 pm

Sorry one more thing. What about the whole online dating thing? Could he find someone a lot better? Do these sort of relationships usually work? I’ve heard match.com is mostly a hook up site.

Does this mean he’s just out looking to have fun right now and isn’t wanting to be serious and have a relationship period or just with me? Thanks!!
admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:50 pm

Online dating relationships can work but I honestly believe that in the end they don’t work out as much.
Crystal

September 19, 2013 at 6:52 pm

The last time we talked was yesterday by text. We were supposed to get together for dinner but both him and son are sick. (Which they are from seeing them on Sunday.) It’s all so weird. He came over to drop off a DVD of mine Friday night at 9:00 (he was supposed to after work) and stayed until 1:30am. He just hung around and I wasn’t sure why. I kept doing what I was doing and didn’t cater to him with anything. He also was very flirty and kind of wanted to mess around some. We were still talking about things when he started to feel ill and got sick at my place. He’s the one that keeps pushing the friend thing, not me. I keep saying I can’t do it and then he says if I can’t handle working on a friendship first then how will a relationship work later? It’s hard to tell if he’s keeping me on the side incase whatever else doesn’t work out or if that he wants to date and figure stuff out since we rushed into everything and it all kind of became a mess after he lost his wife. The reason we broke up in April was because he wanted me to take more time to take care of myself and my family. (I had become very rundown from trying to help him with his depression and taking care of his son and then I had a few family issues going on.) The next day as I was moving out I got a little brave and opened his tablet (which I would have never done but something told me to do it) and saw that he was having some intense insane emotional affair with a girl he had met (whom is also a widow) and they had some instant connection and her was lovebombing her with all of this insanity. I could only handle so much of what I read and I ignored any of his attempts at contacting me for the next few days. He didn’t even know I had moved out until he came home that night (apparently he thought I would stay post break-up?) and when I never responded he took to texting majorly long erratic texts to my best friend and my mom (whom he works with and who just found out the night before our break up that we had been dating the last 9 months.) Neither my mom, his parents or his late wife’s parents know about us. So I was kept a secret. He says it was because he wanted to be repsectful of all the parents until the one year anniversary in May.

After not talking for two weeks, I sent him a closure email that was short saying that I found out about the other woman (I’m 31, he’s 39, he left me for a 41 year old grandmother with a 22 and 9 year old daughters). He had previously told my mom that I had abandoned him and his son and just left without any contact. He said he wouldnt let anyone else close to his son like I was ever again bc of what I did to him. (Though this girl was around.) Anyways after a week of emails going back and forth I asked for my face to face closure and I got it one night. It started off as a quick convo that escalated in a three hour screaming match that started at 9pm and then continued to us taling everything out (communication was obviously an issue for us) until 7am the next morning. We had a few long telephone conversations and text and more emails and we seemed to have worked things out and because we weren’t “out” about our relationship and things were getting rough on us, he says he didn’t feel that he was cheating because he didn’t do anything physically until I confronted him on everything that it was emotional cheating. After all of this he cut it off with her yet after telling me we’re working on us to get back together, I find out at the beginning of August that he has hung out with her some (says that they’re friends only and they do it so the kids can still play together) and then he started acting weird again and distancing himself from me. I got suspicuous that maybe he was dating and then saw he had just created a match.com profile but it is no longer up. So why push this friendship this so much? Why keep me around? We do talk almost everyday and have been seeing each other some each week. But why still let me be around your son and family when they come into town? Like the other day he said he loves hanging out with me and loves spending time with me and that his son loves me. Then follows it up with I want to work on being friends right now. It’s those select words that keep hope alive in women. Even when I say I can’t do it bc I care about him to much, he gets upset. Well he’s had the power the whole time and made the decision about us, so when is it my turn? If I just finally once and for all tell him since he can’t be with me that I can’t be friends, is that it? Or should I just go no contact? What if he’s starting to see someone else? I don’t want to be an option and apparently that seems to be all that I was. It’s hard to tell if he’s almost 40 and is having a very early mid-life crisis (has a 2 1/2 year old and bought a sports car) or if he is that messed up and selfish? I mean if he is starting to date and then coming over to see me and acting how he does, why? He has a lot of characterisitics of borderline/narcissistic personality disorder so it’s hard to tell what to do. But I love him and his son so much and I wouldn’t have kept us a secret or given him a second chance or hung around this long if I didn’t truly love him and want to be with him. I just want him to see what he’s missing and want to be with me without us having to continue talking about all of this. Please tell me what to do. Thank you!!!!
admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Hi there!

Have you read my E-Book yet? I would get it as it will give you an idea of how to proceed.

For now though I think you shouldtry out the NC rule if you can.

Broken Hearted

September 15, 2013 at 7:21 pm

In “friends zone”. Dated & lived with b/f 4 nearly 5 mos. Sex was sporadic due to ED prob which I was very patient with & more than willing 2 help him thru. Dr gave him suggestions 2 do 2 help in the b/r but he refused (male ego?)Frustrated in not getting my needs met I blew up. I embarrassed him @ my daughter’s home, which I profusely apologized but it was 2 late he told me 2 leave.(lives with adult disabled son so we haven’t any private area to talk. That was 3 mos ago. We have been intimate since that time but still wants only 2 b fwb when he wants it. Started N/C this wk AGAIN its driving me crazy. I have 2 go 2 where he works b/c I can only get an item I need @ his place of bus. I have in the past dressed 2 the 9’s 2 make him eat his heart out, but nothing fr him. No emails, texts or phone calls. I do kw he is very busy with job, home & son. Should I give up? I miss him & we bonded quickly & he trusts me explicitly.Says he can’t commit, but I’m the best he’s eve had. What do I do? Any suggestions? Will the N/C rule make him feel he’s missing something important in his life. UGH

admin

September 16, 2013 at 5:09 am

The NC rule can do that definitely.

However, it is what you do during NC that really matters.
Broken Hearted

September 19, 2013 at 1:40 am

I’ve been on at least 12 different dates. How do I feel anything 4 another man when I can’t let the guy I’m in love with out of my mind? Have been hitting the gym as well. This Fri I still have 2 go 2 his job as I NEED 2 get product I can’t get elsewhere.(He knows this) I want 2 dress to make him eat his heart out, as I will prob. see him b/c he manages the store. I know I should go in with a smile on my face & look very happy & keep any conversation 2 min if any. I’m afraid 2 somehow not act cool with my N/C contact. I don’t want 2 act like I miss him @ all. Any suggestions?
admin

September 19, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Well, I am glad you went on those dates. It will be helpful in this process.

I think you are doing the right thing by going in NC>
Broken Hearted

September 26, 2013 at 2:03 am

Previously mentioned I had 2 see my EX. Chatted with him 4 a short time & he’s really over me. My heart is broken. I have been on 16 meet-ups since the breakup & have felt no connections with anyone.I believe I am an attractive woman who has plenty 2 give & don’t feel I should settle. Where do I meet decent men? I don’t work, go to church, nor volunteer. The men I attract are losers, with nothing 2 offer & all seem 2 b in debt, r slobs physically & in their living spaces. I would hate 2 think I am destined 2 b alone 4 the rest of my life. I just want 2 give up! All my g/f’s have found men & now r 2 busy 4 our friendship. I’m very sad & alone. Any suggestions? I’ve taken my profile off all dating sites 2 day.

Louisa

September 8, 2013 at 8:27 pm

Hi chris

I’m really feeling down at the moment. My exboyfriend was a friend then we became lovers. Now he just wants to be friends after dating for a few months. I tried everything to get him back – everything that was wrong. Day in day out all I do is dwell on my mistakes I just can’t get over them. Had I remained in control of my emotions we could have been back together, instead he has started talking to his other ex again – the girl that dumped in and the girl he wanted to marry.. This has broken my heart I just want him back. For years he had chased me and I never looked twice and now I’ve fallen head over heels in love with this guy he doesn’t want me and is going to end up vack with his ex. I’m really finding it difficult to cope. 10 days of no contact. But really I think it’s too little too late as he has moved on. My issue is now I have been put in a position where I need to contact him – its about a query I have had about a booking he has got. I have been contacted about staffing the booking so need to ask him about it as the impression I have got from the customer is i will be doing it. He has a business which iive hrlped him out with so i am in no way his partner. Breaking NC at this stage is not good i know as it will make him happy that I’ve contacted him after he has contacted me but I didn’t reply during NC. My questions are:

How can I contact him about the query I have? Should I phone /text? Should I be chirpy/chatty? Should I be short and blunt?

How can I move on? I’ve tried everything in ur articles but day by day I’m getting more and more depressed.

admin

September 9, 2013 at 7:21 pm

If the query is serious then I would call (you are allowed to break NC for this.)

If you end up calling just be pleasant but just talk only about the query.

If you want to move on and don’t want him back you can check out this article. If you want him back then I recommend grabbing my E-Book.

ConfusedBeauty

September 5, 2013 at 7:46 pm

My ex and I have been broken up for over a year now but I still want him back. We are coworkers so it is kinda hard for me to get over him when I have to see him everyday at work. I broke up with him because he was moving away but he ended up staying. For awhile after the bu he would not contact me. But then we decided to try to be friends. It’s hard for me because he sends so many mixed signals. He has asked me to leave my clothes over his place and we talk and text everyday. Sometimes it seems like our friendship is evolving back into a relationship but then he will say we are just friends. Well he calls me his best friend. For the past couple of months we have been car pooling to work and everyone at work thinks we are back together. I have been trying to move forward but I am still very much in love with him and he knows it. I just don’t know what to do

Confused Beauty

October 10, 2013 at 2:07 pm

I have completed the LC with my ex and I am quite unsure on what to do next. After left the vm he stopped contacting me. At first he was cordial with me at work but now he just ignores me. He seems upset. I know he wants to talk to me but he is being stubborn. (I see it in his face). I don’t understand why he’s acting this way towards me when he is the one that told told me he wants to be just friends. I have yet to contact him and im unsure if im even ready to and how to go about doing it. My feelings for him haven’t changed but I kinda feel like I need more time of lc. What do you think I should do?
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Have you read the huge post on it?
admin

September 6, 2013 at 2:30 am

Have you tried a limited contact rule?
Confused Beauty

September 6, 2013 at 6:57 pm

I just started it yesterday after finding this site. I told him I did not want to car pool anymore until I get things into perspective but he still wants to. I just don’t understand him bc it seems like every time we start making steps toward a relationship he backs off. But in the same token if he feels someone else is interested in me he gets upset and starts to come around I just don’t understand what is it he really wants.
admin

September 7, 2013 at 1:58 am

Just hammers home the point he wants what he can’t have.
Confused Beauty

September 11, 2013 at 12:20 pm

So I broke the “limited contact rule” the other day on day 5 by attempting to call him and explain. He didn’t answer as it was kinda late and he was probably sleeping. Afterward I felt so horrible. After listening to my bff I called again and left a voice mail explaining to him that I was not ignoring him I just needed time. In the vm I asked if he would honor my decision. He has yet to contact me. Im now on Day 3. Do you think that I hurt my chances? Was the vm s good or bad idea? Please let me know
admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:21 am

Another one bites the dust.

Lately everyone has been breaking their NC rules haha.

I wouldn’t have left the voicemail and you did harm your chances but you can recover AS LONG AS YOU DON’T BREAK LC!
Confused Beauty

September 9, 2013 at 12:08 am

Plus I failed to mention that he has somewhat of a wandering eye. Well there is this chick at work he’s always saying that he thinks is beautiful but when I asked him about her he claimed to not be interested. But every time she sees us together she scoffs st me or rolls her eyes. I know she has a boyfriend but every chance she gets she is in my ex’s face. She even went so far as baking a cake anf offering it to everyone but me and anyone I am closely affiliated with lol. I found it very amusing myself but what 8im wanting to know if you think he’s told her that I am jealous of her or something to thst extent bc she only started this behavior after I asked him about her when he tried to question me about someone else. But I did ask him if he thought I was jealous of her and he told me no. Please let me know what you think
Confused Beauty

September 8, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Ok so its been 4 days of no contact and my ex has texted me several times. In the last text he asked me if I wasn’t speaking to him now. While I have not responded to any of his texts I am very much tempted to let him know the situation but I an trying to be strong and not give in. I started journaling today about everything and it felt pretty good. I just want to know if it is good to at least let him know even though I probably already answered my own question lol. I’m just trying to go about this the right way.
admin

September 9, 2013 at 7:37 pm

You know him better than me so if you think he will take great offense to you ignoring him you can send him something like “Hey, sorry I just need some time.”

Sophia

September 4, 2013 at 3:10 pm

So my boyfriend and I broke up. We were both upset about it, but it was the best decision for us at the time. We talked and said that we really wanted to be friends. Well, after a while, I decided that I wanted him back. We have already discussed being friends though. I have been doing the NC Rule, and I won’t be contacting him for another couple of weeks. My question is: is there a different way to approach the situation if we’ve already discussed just being friends. Also, he hasn’t contacted me yet, is this a bad sign?

admin

September 5, 2013 at 12:29 am

Friends can sometimes go a month without talking.

And no it’s not a bad sign.

Jamie

September 2, 2013 at 6:56 pm

So. . .I had been dating a guy long distance (hes in NY im in LA) for about 6 months. Things were going great. We’d see each other once a month for a week at a time, but we talked on the phone every day (at least once). Things were moving forward at a normal pace, but at the 6 month point he freaked out and said he didnt want to be in a relationship. I said that I did. He said he wanted to still be friends because he liked talking to me and I said no. I went NC for 2 months and he came back saying he missed me and thought now he wanted to be in a relationship. We started talking and making plans again but the same thing happened at around the 6 month mark. Again he said he didnt want to be in a relationship (despite saying that he thought he wanted to be when we started up again) and I said i wanted to be in one (only I wasnt so nice/understanding this time). He tried the lets be friends thing again and I said no. Ive been NC for two months again but now Im considering reaching out using your text advice (i haven’t heard from him). I miss him and want him back.

I guess my question is, when a guy says he doesnt want to be in a relationship, does that mean he doesnt want to be in one at all? or with me? or with me right now? To that end, will any of the tactics for getting your ex back ever work if your ex doesnt want to be in a relationship?

admin

September 3, 2013 at 3:17 am

I would actually check out this page if I was you: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-an-ex-boyfriend-back-in-a-long-distance-relationship/

Caitlyn

August 31, 2013 at 11:31 pm

My ex boyfriend have been broken up for 8 months now. I wish I had found this page earlier, as I would have known what to do. Instead we are now really close friends. It’s gotten to the stage we are friends with benefits.

I still really like him, and he knows that thats the case. As he is such a good friend, I am able to tell him anything. However I become very jealous when he’s out with other girls for longer than ago ever got with him.

I really want him back. It hurts knowing he doesn’t like me in the same way. What should I do?!?!

admin

September 1, 2013 at 4:46 am

NC. I would do NC asap if I was you.

Yvonne

August 27, 2013 at 8:12 am

My boyfriend of eight years broke up with me about a week and a half ago. I have maintained NC since then, with the exception of “business” e-mails sent to an address that he and I share with two other people. (It is a four-person artistic group that does shows and such.) None of my e-mails have been directed at him specifically, they have been about group matters.

I have not unfriended him on Facebook, since we still have to work with each other on occasion, but I have not looked at his page or liked/commented on anything he has posted. He has, however, “liked” a couple of my posts. I have not posted anything sad, just positive posts about things I am doing in my life.

Next week our group is supposed to perform at an event, so I will have to see him before the month is up. (It comes at about the 2 1/2 week mark.) I am dreading this so much. I also feel like my situation is a little weird because, before the break-up, he was out of town for work for a month. He broke up with me about a week after getting back, during which time he was acting distant. So I wonder if my NC has been exactly what he wanted, anyway.

Any advice? Thank you.

admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:25 am

I still think you should do NC but lets put more of a focus on YOU what are you doing during NC to evolve.

Also, you may want to check out my E-Book. It might be helpful at giving you a “big picture” perspective.

Emily

August 21, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Hello,

I followed all of the advice with going no contact and then implementing the texts which worked great! But after a couple of weeks of seeing my ex again, he decided that he wanted to be just friends as he was worried a new relationship would have the same old problems…. I agreed to being friends as I didn’t want to lose him completely, but I’m now stuck on how to move things forward from here…

Thanks,

Emily 🙂

admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:41 am

Hey Emily,

Bummer… Lets dissect what you did. Could you describe how you communicated him in texts to me?
Emily

August 22, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Hi!

I followed your advice with the texts that I intiated, however the ones that I received from him I just replied to. Most of these were positive however some of them were saying how he was worried that things would go back to how they were. I tried to reassure him that I also wanted things to be different this time around, which he accepted. We started meeting up with each other and things were great! But he said that as much as he was in love with me, he didn’t want us to be hurt again by having the same problems as before.. I guess it was playing on his mind more than I had realised! Thanks for the reply,

Emily 🙂

Maria

August 21, 2013 at 3:51 pm

So my ex are going to hang out this weekend. I don’t know what his real intentions are. The day before I texted him just “to talk” and he replied with “that’s not a good idea”. I just didn’t reply then the next day he asked me to go out this weekend. Do you think he’s really just trying to be friends or what? And the place we’re hanging out is kind of coupley help

admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:29 am

His intentions are kind of unclear so you are flying in blind. Are you two texting?
Maria

August 22, 2013 at 4:26 am

Well just texted that day about what time we’re going at. I asked if I should just meet there but he said hell pick me up at my place? Isn’t this so weird?
Maria

August 22, 2013 at 4:27 am

Do you think he’s doing this to get back together! Or he just feels bad for breaking up with me !
MARIA

August 24, 2013 at 2:59 pm

He told me that “he just misses me but that is all”.. in one of his texts but his feelings just aren’t there anymore you think he just wants to see me for one last good time or maybe its to see if he still has sparks for me?
admin

August 25, 2013 at 11:41 pm

It could be a possibility. Immediately after a breakup a guy sometimes doesn’t know what he wants.
MARIA

August 22, 2013 at 5:59 pm

SO, how do you think I should act? Like I don’t have a clue how to dress? Just be like myself of course… What would you do in this situation? Really just friends or is he getting back with me?
admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I don’t know, only he knows if he wants to get back together with you. However, I would dress to kill if I was you!
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:36 pm

It is hard to say, I guess you will know in time. haha.

Sara

August 20, 2013 at 4:55 pm

This is great! I was just wondering however, what happens if you made the mistake of, when you didnt work out, had a bit of space and due to being best friends with them before anyway, you continued to be just friends with them. Not just friends, but good friends, well and truly friend-zoned haha
Is there any way of getting out of this dire situation? Even when you expect they like someone else/are moving on?

admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:44 am

I think in that case it all really boils down to how you play your cards with texting/communicating with them and reattracting them. Sure, some cases are impossible to get an ex back. However, there are also a lot of women that screw up simply b/c they don’t understand what guys want to hear and how to play with them to get them chasing.

Alexa

August 16, 2013 at 9:56 pm

Hello Chris!

I just had to ask: Would using whatsapp be the same as texting?

We normally text using whatsapp but in whatsapp you can see the “last seen” which is basically the last time the person used their phone to text or read messages. I think in this case its kind of weird to send a phone text message to a person you have on your whatsapp contact list. If you ignore or delay a text, they can clearly see so.

admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:45 am

I have whatsapp and it would be the same as texting!

jackie Kennedy

August 12, 2013 at 12:20 am

Hey just wondering can your fantastic methods be use in a long distance relationship aswell me and my ex live 4 hours away from each other? And if we can’t delete the photos off Facebook because they are on someone else’s profile do we untag ourselves out of them?

Jackie
x

admin

August 12, 2013 at 2:59 am

I would untag MOST of them. Leave a few in the mix though.

the methods can work for ya. That doesn’t guarantee success though.

Oh, and I am planning on writing a LDR guide for this site. I haven’t gotten around to it b/c most of my time is wrapped up in finishing an ebook for this site that I am really proud and excited about.
Jackie

August 17, 2013 at 11:48 pm

I wish i had found your website like 3 weeks ago before i went all ‘text terrorist’ on my ex.your blog has really hlped me with my breakUp
please do an LDR section soon this no contact rule is really difficult and i have 2 more weeks 🙁
Also do u think he will want to get back together if he has genuinely said he wants to marry me and have children with me when we were together?
X
admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:31 am

It is on my to do list! Along with ex husbands (how to get them back)

For now though my number one priority is getting the ebook out on how to get your ex boyfriend back!

theclassicmovies

August 5, 2013 at 3:13 pm

Oh brother. I have heard it all out of this one. ”You’re a good person” , ”we never had a relationship to begin with” , ”we had a relationship once” , the ”lines” get more mixed up every day… He has new ones it seems, rather he thinks he has new ones, its as if he is purposely saying things to confuse me, to mix me all up.
theclassicmovies

August 4, 2013 at 7:31 pm

He apparently cannot figure out what he wants. Takes me out for music in the park, lunch, had a great time, no complaints, we get home, he changes clothes and instantly bolts back out. Says he is going to buddy’s house for a party…. Is out all night… Gets home at 4:30 this morning…. Sleeps till seven thirty… I had appointment at nine, I get home by 11… And he tells me that ”she” didn’t mean anything to him, and wants to have se$ with me and wants things how they ”used” to be, but instead now he goes out for a walk and talks on the phone with her again. I’ve seen pics of her in his phone…then he tells me that I’m assuming all of it and that its not true and he didn’t go to friends house last night he went to the casino… Proceeds to tell me that I’m crazy, insane…all thewhile he is hiding and talking with her.

admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:36 am

I think maybe you need to take a stand….

Cut him out of your life for two weeks.
theclassicmovies

August 5, 2013 at 9:20 am

A most definite thing to do. I agree n/c.

Jessica

August 4, 2013 at 4:02 am

hi i found your page few days ago and almost read it all. my ex broke up with me 2 months ago, we were in a long distance relationship(i’m a taiwanese and he’s an italian) and he said he just couldn’t do it anymore.
i was sad and depress, than i tried the NC but it never worked out. me and my ex we broke up in a nice and peaceful way, even though for the first few days i was really depress and even asked him if there’s a chance in the future(i will be in italy in sep for my master) and he said no. than i did the NC, but he contacts me and we text each other almost once in a week. once we talked on skype and he even said that he’s not afraid of talking to me, he said he didn’t know what he wants but he knows that with me it’s not something he wants….and than he asked me if i was seeing someone else, and than he started to cried! he said he loves me even if i find someone else or he find some else.

as i mentioned before, we still contact each other once a week. and he even told me that the time we’ve been together was great, he loves me…(i didn’t respond, i just don’t know what to say)

i tried to go on my life and everytime he texts me i respond in a nice and friendly way, i want him back but i didn’t show it. for me it dosen’t make any sense if he comes back now–we will still be in a long distance relationship.

but i do want him back in sep when i’m in italy. my question is, seems like me and him we are kind of “friends” now, and i never tried the NC, should i try it or it’s all too late now in my case? is there still a chance in my case?

admin

August 4, 2013 at 11:49 pm

Hmmm… Why don’t you try a new concept I have been coming up with.

Limited No Contact.

You are only allowed to text him one text a day so it has to be good!

Anonima

August 1, 2013 at 9:07 pm

OK so I’d kept the NC period for almost three weeks when suddenly today he texts me and asks me if I wanted to go see an outdoor concert with him. I dropped everything I had and rushed out to do it.
He stood very close to me during the concert and everytime he wanted to tell me something, he leaned in very close so that his lips were touching my cheek.
We went for a coffee and talked a bit silly until the inevitable came up: our situation.
To make a long story short, we ended up kissing and hugging and he confessed that he’s still attracted to me and – being a guy I suppose – he expressed a wish that we could go on having $$$ without being a couple. What a jerk, right? I said no and explained him that I still love him and that I will not have $$$ with him. He then said that he wanted us to still be friends and do things together.
When we parted, the words “I love you” came right out of my mouth. We’ve been in this situation before, one week after the break-up, and back then he told me that he loved me too. This time he did not reply, just left.
I texted him afterwards, feeling stupid and irrational. He told me he did not reply this time because he felt it would be wrong, and he apologised for having suggested the friends with benefits thing. This lead to a long text with me explaining that I’m in love with him and asking him to respect that. I also told him that I want him – but not our old relationship. I want a relationship with him because he’s the guy I’m in love with and so on and so on. He has not replied.

My question to you is: did I blow it? I acted before I could think, and now I’m worried that I’m doing the woman-thing with being overly attached and offering myself up on a plate (which I know is not really the “you can’t have this cookie” strategy, haha). I am of course going NC after this again, but I’m worried to Hell and back that it’s in vain.

admin

August 2, 2013 at 2:30 am

Guys are so stupid.

So, here is how you view him: he just did that to set up a friends with benefits type of deal with me. I think that was his ultimate motive. Yes, he is still wildly attracted to you but he doesn’t want to be bogged down with a relationship right now. But that doesn’t mean in the future that he won’t be.

I don’t think you helped your case but I don’t think you screwed it up. Go NC and STAY NC.
Anonima

August 2, 2013 at 6:31 am

Thank you for your reply!

I have another question to ask, although I know I shouldn’t dig in this or view him as anything but someone who wants a FWB-thing going on: the day before all this happened, I was with my best friend – a guy I’ve known for 5 years – and posted a picture of me and him smiling at the camera. My ex told me he’d seen that and had felt a surge in his guts because he “still thinks I’m very beautiul”. There’s that, and also how he mentioned that I was eith another guy and promptly asked me out the day after with no prior motive.
At some point I joked, really JOKED that I had taken up being a prostitute, and he very quietly told me that “maybe he doesn’t like that”.
To me, this sounds like he’s jealous – but I could be wrong. Imagining such things will also only make my new NC that harder, but I just need to know if guys’ brains (this guy’s brain) works this way, even if he only sees me as possible FWB for now.
admin

August 3, 2013 at 2:51 am

Jealousy… ABSOLUTELY!
Anonima

August 13, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Alright, I know this thread will become a bit messed up, but I can’t reply to your other answer.

So, I went to study at my ex boyfriend’s and my shared university today. As I wrote earlier I knew he’d be here, and although my NC is far from over and I’ve started doing things to feel better (i.e. work out, going away for a week this Friday), my masochistic side was just dying to see him. When I showed up, some of his things were there, but it took a while for him to appear too. I could see him behind me walkin closer (due to some glass), and I just stared into my book while he walked up and by me to his own desk. He quickly disappeaered for a litle while again, and when he came back, I saw him texting quite a lot while reading. It went on for maybe ten-fifteen minutes before he packed his things, stood talking VERY quietly to another guy from our line of study (his friend, my good accuanq-spelled right.). Then he left without looking back at me even once. I know he lives too far away for him to ride a bike, but he left by one, which caused a million questions to rise in my head. Mainly about some other girl with really long legs, but i have nothing to go with that paranoia.

Two weeks ago we met up, he proposed a FWB relationship, I declined, we kissed and kissed a lot. I texted him a full love confession afterwards, haven’t heard a thing since then. It’s about 4 1/2 weeks since our breakup.

There are so many details, said words and regrets in my head that I can find no strings to tie them together. Right now I guess I want to hear any voice of reason (yours) telling me what’s going on with him and what I should do. My (second) NC is up the 1st of September.
admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:28 am

Haha you guys are acting like you are in fifth grade.

One thing I noticed people do when they are really shy or scared of a situation is they text in their phone. He knew you were there, you knew he was there so it was kind of a battle of wits. Don’t think about the girl that will just drive you crazy. It is probably nothing.
Anonima

August 6, 2013 at 12:15 pm

Me again, I need your help.

I’ve kept the NC, but since I went full confession last Thursday, I think I might have scared him a bit too much for him to be awaiting contact. Maybe in fear though!

Anyway. I have something else to ask of you.

We attend the same line of study at the university. Right now it’s summer vacation, but I KNOW he’s sitting at the university studying almost every day. This puts me in a troublesome situation, because I
1) don’t want it to become “his” territory so that I can’t stand being there once the semester starts and my NC period is up.
2) know that my drive towards going there to do some summer reading is also BIG TIME fuelled by my masochistic need to see him. It will only be us or a few strangers around, so we’ll be forced, more or less, to talk to each other.

I’ve been angry and sad that he thought so little of me as to propose the FWB thing, but I’ve also realised that I love him too much to get over him. It’s awful.

As the song goes: Should I stay (other places) or should I go (knowing he’ll be there)?
admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:52 am

Do a hybrid between the two. Go when you have to but don’t go when you don’t have to.

« Previous 1 … 25 26 27

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”