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Post categories
Elle
April 13, 2018 at 8:20 am
hi ex and i broke up a few months ago. we have been in quite active contact over the last month..met up a few times for coffee and lunch where he was very affectionate with hugs kisses on cheek and forehead etc and calling me by my old pet name (babe or baby) he had for me. he also efers to us as friends occasionally or the dreaded buddy word (once!). he wants to meet for his bday next month. just wondering if i have been friendzoned and what’s with the mix messages?
Chris Seiter
April 13, 2018 at 2:10 pm
HI Elle…sounds like things could be slowly developing. She take it slow and easy. Little steps.
Elle
April 19, 2018 at 11:17 am
hi sorry not sure if my question was posted before. essentially everytime i mention a male acquitance his standard answer would be either are you sure it’s just friends or do you see a potential there? that plus all the signals he has been giving me and including the walk down nostalgic lane everytime we meet..is making me confused.
are his responses a sign of jealousy or is he just being a friend?
Chris Seiter
April 19, 2018 at 3:12 pm
Yes Elle, it seems a little jealousy from him is creeping into the picture. This can be good as long as you don’t over play it. I can’t remember, are you in the No Contact period? Are you using one of my Companion Guide ebooks to help you along? I see upside here.
Elle
April 20, 2018 at 8:31 am
i completed no contact in Jan and the contact started picking up a lot in March. I have been using your e book to help but when he mentions things like the so called non date ( which by the way he initially led me to believe it was a date until i expressed mild disapproval with the girl he was supposedly meeting in terms of her age to which he immediately said it wasn’t a date) or women checking him out..it throws me off. I’m not sure how to handle it..as in stay the course or move on.
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2018 at 4:12 pm
Hi Elle..thanks for checking in. I understand the confusion. In time, his real desires will become clearer.
Elle
April 20, 2018 at 8:23 am
I’m not in the no contact period anymore…i started it as soon as we ended things in Jan. contact picked up in March with him texting a lot and him seeing me quite often (him initiating mostly). the fishing or questions about me meeting other men have come up a lot more lately ..like he told me today that two women were checking him out to which i responded fairly casually. the so called non date thing he initially led me to believe it was one but when I expressed minor disapproval ( unintentionally! purely because he told me how old she was)..he immediately changed his tune and said it wasn’t a date.
i am using your book to help me but i keep feeling as if he is pushing me into this friend zone thing..
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2018 at 4:14 pm
Hi again! maybe he is trying some jealously ploys on you. Maybe some lingering resentment…or maybe he is a little immature. Time will reveal what his rue designs are, but ultimately you decide what you want.
Elle
April 19, 2018 at 8:40 am
thanks Chris for your input. thing is everytime i mention a guy friend that im meeting for or is helping me out with something he always says something like are you sure it’s just a friend or he once said any potential? he also once talked about a girl he was meeting for drinks but kept insisting it wasnt a date.
I’m not sure if that means ive been friendzoned or is he fishing?
please help
Chris Seiter
April 19, 2018 at 3:18 pm
As mentioned earlier, he is feeling you out. Definitely fishing. You can play on that, cleverly, yet gently. Just keep looking your beautiful self and show him in little ways via different methods what he is missing out. Its a process….little steps! Its like leaving little breadcrumbs slowly leading him back to you…wanting to connect with you…renewed curiosity about you.
Carly Aguilar
March 19, 2018 at 7:48 pm
My ex and I have had an on/off relationship ever since we met early last year, and near the end of last year we decided to just remain friends and went our own ways, though remaining in contact. We clearly still had feelings for each other, though knew it was best for us to distance from each other a little bit. I end up confessing my feelings for him two months after that and if we could bring back things to how they used to be, however he refused and thought it was best for us to stay as we were. Through this time he started replying less frequently to my text messages and staying in less contact with me, which made me want his attention even more. I basically got fed up of him not wanting to pursue anything with me so I block all connections to him until he eventually texts me about a month later, talking to me like he normally would, though I initially hesitate as I don’t want to be brought back into his trap again, however soon enough I once more gain feelings for him and want him back like never before. He again only wants to remain friends but there’s no stopping the way he looks or talks to me at times, the connection we have for each other is very much still there and I think it always will be. Each person I try to move forward with only makes me think back to him a couple of weeks into the relationship, and I hesitate anything more than the talking stage. As of the moment we are texting each other again though he takes forever to reply and shows no interest in us. I keep thinking back to how when we were first in a relationship and the memories we shared, how nice things used to be. I really want him back and know that confessing my feelings for him again will only bring about more conflict. What should I do? I keep thinking about him every second of the day and have recognized the mistakes I have made in the past, willing to change my ways for him. Is there any hope left? From past experiences with him I know that though we might lost connection at some point we will eventually fall back for each other, the way I feel for him is truly unexplainable.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 25, 2018 at 4:05 pm
Hi Carly,
Start the nc period..do at least 30 days and do you want to try the advice above?
Miss Fab
March 12, 2018 at 7:03 pm
My ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me over a year ago. What was worse is he just stopped talking to me after we got into a argument about a female friend coming to stay with him for a month which I was completely uncomfortable with. I didn’t hear from him for months and didn’t contact him as I had already told him I would never accept him using silent treatment on me again. 8 months later he started texting me saying he’s been thinking about me and that he is moving to NYC. I wished him well but didn’t interact much. I then texted him two months later to arrange a face to face meeting to get closure which he agreed to. On the day we were meant to meet he cancelled due to being busy at work. I simply replied ok. I was disappointed but realized that it was best I stop looking for closure and simply move forward. A month later in December he tried reaching out to me but I just ignored his text as I was determined to start my new chapter and desperately wanted to free myself from the pain he put me through. I was no longer angry but didn’t want to entertain his text. Fast forward to feb I texted him on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday and he thanked me. A month later he texted me belated birthday message. He also texted me “I still want us to be friends and also friends but I don’t know if you are open to that” I’m honestly confused. Why would he want us to be friends after walking away from me and cutting me out of his life for so long? Do you think he want me back or am I reading too much into it? What would you recommend I reply If I want him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2018 at 8:51 am
Hi Miss fab
I think you’re reading too much into it…he has a been initiating in the past but always left you hanging after. He’ll probably do that again.
Julia
March 3, 2018 at 7:18 pm
I’m not sure what to do. My ex broke up with me and we stopped talking for a few days. I mentioned something to him and we started talking again, just about normal things. It’s been great, so do I just suddenly go into no contact? That seems rude, especially since we don’t hate eachother. I still love him, but he says its not mutual. He doesnt want me to leave I know that, he says he loves going with me and he’s never had that before. I’m leaving the state in about a month and he knows that, but I would love to stay and be with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 6, 2018 at 10:21 pm
Hi Julia,
Follow the rules in podcast 32 and if you’re staying, are you going to find another job and another home? Because if you’re just staying just for him, you’re investing just for a two month relationship. Yes, he liked you also for a long time but still he broke up with you and you’re the shortest relationship he’s had even though he’s a long term kind of guy right?
Hani
February 27, 2018 at 8:10 am
Hi Amor,
I was in a relationship for 7 months with my boyfriend. Everything was ok the whole time we are together. We are going out with friends, we are in the same organization and he is very supportive and proud of me when it comes to my business. He showed everyone how sweet and caring boyfriend he is to me. And I thought that everything is okay between us. But he broke up with me recently. He told me that its been 7 months and he feels like our relationship is not going anywhere. He can not see me in the future. He just like me but he is not in love with me all this time. He tried to work things out between us but I didn’t work for him. And he told me he is letting me go for me to find someone who is right for me. He said that we can just be friends or friends with benefits. But I said no coz that is not my thing. I just wished him well after we talked coz I know there’s nothing to fight for coz he don’t love me anyway. All along, I am the only one who is in love with in the relationship. I want to know if No Contact rule can help for us to be together again coz I still love him. What will I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2018 at 2:54 pm
Hi Hani,
it can, just know that it’s not the sole solution but it helps increase your chances. Check this one:
Using The No Contact Rule With Brad Browning
Kish
February 26, 2018 at 2:27 am
Hi Amor
I had a bf for 2 years but I screwed it up by being too accomodating and available. I disnt make him work for me (I dont like games). We had a great friendship, but he didnt try to win my heart. When the relationship didnt progress, I called it off. I went NC for a month, during which time I know he missed me, but he didnt reach out. Later, we became friends (not with benes). I thought I would be fine with that, but a year later, whenever we hang out as friends, I find I get depressed because I want more. I know he likes me bc he always makes time to see me, but I lead, which makes me undervalued. I am at a place now where I want him to realize his life is better with me in it (it really is) or move on. I went NC for 30 days. It takes him about 3-4 weeks to miss me enough to reach out. We have texted a few times on his initiative. His texts are always thoughtful to get a response from me, and geared toward me asking him to do something, which I have not done. Instead, I respond but then leave it alone. What do I do now? Do I TELL him some point what I want or will that send him running? If I dont, will he figure it out or is he just getting reassured by a friendly response and that is good enough for an ego boost (maybe that is all he wants)? I don’t want to ghost him bc I personally hate that and made him promise not to do it to me. But I don’t know how to build rapport toward a date if he doesn’t even realize that I dont want to be friends. I get that he may just decide to move on if doesnt want a relationship, but I want him to know what he passed on, not to feel ghosted by a friend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2018 at 12:08 pm
Hi Kish,
Frankly, I think you need to move on.. If you still want to stay friends that’s ok but it would make it harder for you to move on.
shanice
February 5, 2018 at 5:11 am
hey Amor, it’s shanice again. my ex recently contacted me, and we talked for a little bit. have to admit that it was not past 30 days of nc, but i still responded… it was around day 25. he asked me “what happened to you” because he knew i was facing some troubles that i mentioned on my instagram. we ended up talking for a few days and throughout he rly sounded like he was very interested and even wanted to help me with my work (a coding assignment) and volunteered to come over to my place to help. however after we talked it through for quite awhile, we decided it may not be the best decision should anything happen that may make us feel sad afterwards. he showed many signs of being interested at the start such as continuing the conversation when i tried to end it but now he’s saying that he was actually just “really very concerned” (though i doubt he would text just any girl to ask how they are). now we are no longer talking, but we didn’t end on a bad note. we just agreed that we should not do such meet ups in a personal space for now. sorry for breaking nc 🙁 do u have any advice for me now? is all hope lost?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2018 at 12:15 pm
Hi Shanice,
that’s ok.. just continue slowly building rapport in the text phase for now.
shanice
February 5, 2018 at 4:01 am
hello, my ex recently contacted me, and we talked for a little bit. have to admit that it was not past 30 days of nc, but i still responded… it was around day 25. he asked me “what happened to you” because he knew i was facing some troubles that i mentioned on my instagram. we ended up talking for a few days and throughout he rly sounded like he was very interested and even wanted to help me with my work (a coding assignment) and volunteered to come over to my place to help. however after we talked it through for quite awhile, we decided it may not be the best decision should anything happen that may make us feel sad afterwards. he showed many signs of being interested at the start such as continuing the conversation when i tried to end it but now he’s saying that he was actually just “really very concerned” (though i doubt he would text just any girl to ask how they are). now we are no longer talking, but we didn’t end on a bad note. we just agreed that we should not do such meet ups in a personal space for now. sorry for breaking nc 🙁 do u have any advice for me now? is all hope lost?
Deeann
January 27, 2018 at 1:40 pm
I was dating a guy for 5 months, but from the fourth month he did let me know that he will be distant.
His company gets extremely hectic around that time and he also was very surprised at how busy the next month was so we couldn’t hang out besides our regular meet up at the gym while training.
He is very goal oriented in his career and he is very passionate about his job and that comes first (he owns it).
It was a harsh change in how loving we used to be to only being that way pretty much in person at the gym.
We discussed this like mature adults to be honest no shadiness on his part.
However one day in true female form, I freaked out because I was very miserable and I told him how I was feeling. To be honest I am also very busy, I know I really shouldn’t be dating either as I have personal goals and career goals and other sport goals I’m pursuing at all at once but this guy has those same goals and I thought we could work with the same things happening in our lives so I had no problem with dating this guy.
Anyway, after I told him how I felt(whilst being alll dramatic). I said I was unhappy and nothing was going on between us for like two months. He agreed and said he understood and thinks we should move on and just be friends. That really hurt me because it took so much for us to date in the first place so to lose that really hurt me.
He also mentioned that I was a distraction in the gym and to his goals. That I am a really amazing girl and he finds himself not able to focus on what he needs to focus on.
I wonder if he is just depressed and frustrated with his personal and career stresses and isn’t able to give me the attention I need and he knows it. Anyway we agreed to be just friends (this hurts so much). In my situation do I give him space and do not contact him for 30 days as well or do I just be a great friend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2018 at 11:39 pm
Hi Deean,
If you want to try to get him back, try the nc rule. If you want to be friendzoned, continue being friends.
Linda
January 24, 2018 at 3:47 pm
My ex and I have been off and on for 3 years. We’ve had good times and bad times. He’s cheated and I have forgiven him for it. I love him with all my heart but yesterday he told me he wants to just e friends. He told me he will never marry me and he doesn’t want to hurt me more. He says he doesnt want to marry me because my first boyfriend i evet had is one of his friends. He says he doesnt want to get made fun of by his friends. He told me he knows his friend is going to tell everyone he had me first. Its been 4 years since I dated the other guy. I dont know what to do. I love him so much and it kills me to hear him say that to me!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2018 at 8:04 pm
Hi Linda,
why not try the nc rule?
Tam
January 23, 2018 at 3:28 pm
I had a ‘thing’ with this guy for a couple of months. I say ‘thing’ cause we didn’t officially date or anything, but we had all the physical things going on. On top of that we’d go on dates, spend time cuddling and holding hands and even ended up telling each other that we love each other. Eventually I started thinking of the future and where this ‘thing’ is headed, because he is graduating after me and my career path and his are different. With time as he saw me fearing the future he too started pulling back, saying that he wants me to have a good future with someone better. He was keeping my best interest at heart but I wanted to find a way to make it work. I tried to keep it together but I didn’t realize while I was going through my confusion, trying to figure out how to make us work, he started telling himself we won’t work out and there’s no future, to the extent that he lost his feelings and motivation for me. Afterwards, I did everything I SHOULDN’T do by convincing, crying and telling him I would wait. He said he tried to get the feelings back but he can’t explain why he isn’t feeling it anymore. He would tell me not to wait, he told hs friends he doesn’t want to ruin my future by making me wait, he said he doesn’t feel the love anymore. But he was still attracted to me… I finally accepted that I need to let go and I send him a long message telling him I’m letting go and letting him be, but I do want to try the NC period. But the problem is he is in my friend circle. I have stopped messaging him, broke our snapchat streak, but recently our group made a plan in the group chat to hangout. I didn’t respond until he personally messaged me to ask if I would go so that he could give me a ride. I said I wouldn’t go.. but the next day, due to my friends insisting, I agreed to go. Is there anyway the NC period could also allow me to see him once in a while only with friends around? And if not, how do I avoid this? I have never been able to cold turkey ANYONE :'( please help..
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2018 at 1:28 pm
Hi Tam,
Say no, and propose a different date to whoever you’re closest to in the group
Alia
January 21, 2018 at 10:01 am
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. That time it was mutual but after that i tried to get him back but he denied giving a silly reason and now when i blocked him for 2 days he asked me to not to do this again and i don’t want to be with you ever after this but yesterday he asked me to be friends what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2018 at 5:23 pm
Hi Alia,
Dont be.. If you’re in nc, continue it..
Amelia
January 19, 2018 at 3:52 am
Dated someone for 3 1/2 months. I ended up really liking him. He said he wasn’t sure if I was his forever mate and he didn’t want me to wait for him to figure it out, he kept contacting me A LOT but never discussed commitment or changed feelings, so I went on a date with someone else. He asked me over to his place, I went, I told him that I dated elsewhere, he was not happy and said he couldn’t believe what I did. Said we could be friends but he usually doesn’t go back on that kind of thing. I’ve been very honest in my wanting to fix things with him and be exclusive … he says no, just friends for now. Texts are a few days apart between us. NC for 30 days? This is kind of silly …. haven’t known him all that long so I don’t get what his wishy-washy push/pull issue is.
Thanks for your help. Feeling a bit crazy. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 20, 2018 at 4:07 am
Hi Amelia,
Dont take this the wrong way. I just want to clarify. What is purpose of continuing contact with him if you’re already seeing somebody else? Are you hoping he would change his mind?
hola
January 9, 2018 at 12:04 am
Hey!
I have broken up with my ex 5 years ago. He entered into a relationship with someone else but still contacted me during that period. We have kept in touch those years, but I do not understand him sometimes he is showing love, he wants to meet etc, and sometimes he distances himself. There have been times when he have told me that he would like to have a relationship with me then after a month he has told me that we are just friends. He has blocked me plenty of times when i sent him long text messages, this year i am not sending him long text messages when we fight and he is not blocking me. I do not know what to do and I do not understand his feelings towards me.What do you suggest me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 10, 2018 at 6:21 pm
Hola!,
Try the nc period and since you’ve been back and forth for 5 years, do at least 45 days.
Shelley
December 21, 2017 at 12:05 pm
I commented on here a while ago and finally bucked up the courage to do something about being friend zoned. Unfortunately, we have been “friends” for a year and a half since the breakup. Though friends and I all saw that he would treat me differently, he never fessed up to it. I met up with him the other day and told him we either figure something out or we can’t talk to each other anymore. He was taken off guard and now we aren’t talking. I do truly need this for myself, but there is a slight piece of me that is hoping he’ll think things through, finally, and reconsider. How do you suggest I put my mind at ease from these hopes that may not happen?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 25, 2017 at 6:13 pm
check this one:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
emily
December 18, 2017 at 9:05 am
My bf of two years broke up with me about going a month ago. I am trying the nc for going to a month but I am not sure if it is going to work as he have not talked to me since I started.
Before the breakup, I did all the things that I should not have reason, beg, cry. He told me we have been constantly quarrelling over the same issue for almost a year and have not come to a compromise conclusion and he is kind of exhausted. He says he still love me but because of it he feels different and thinks we should not be together because we have very different point of view and personality.
He says he wants some time to think about it and we might get back in the future when we change in like years down the road. He didn’t give me a definite answer of whether we are going to get back together, he just say we should do our own stuff for now and maybe go on dates and he say I might think he is actually not the one.
Do you think I can still make this relationship work out after all this have happen
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 6:59 pm
Hi Emily,
Try the no contact rule first, if it doesn’t work, then move on..
Kristen
December 14, 2017 at 2:08 pm
I had dated this guy on and off for over a year. It had been awhile since we’d seen each other but met up last weekend. He called a few days later to say it was good to see me but he just didn’t feel the spark. But he wants to remain friends and he’s “not saying those feelings won’t ever be there in the future.” He went on to say that he has dated a lot since he broke up with his fiancee several years ago and hasn’t had a spark with anyone. I told him that I was a little “uhhh” after our meet up too so I get where he is coming from but I have always enjoyed chatting with him and that being around him always felt easy. He agreed and then we hung up. What do I do from here? Try the friends thing? Let him take the lead and see if he really meant that or was just trying to let me down easy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2017 at 4:37 pm
Hi Kristen
if you want to move on, don’t be friends.. If you really just want to be friends, nothing more, then yes, talk to him..
Lynnie
November 28, 2017 at 1:43 am
Hie Amor,
My on-off ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago citing that our goals are not aligned, he doesn’t love me anymore and he no longer has feelings for me. He has requested for me to let go of what we had and to move on.
I requested to be friends at the point of break up and he agreed. He has never initiated contact since the break up and all communication that we had was initiated by me.
I tried doing NC one week after our breakup but broke it a week later. He replied to 90% of my texts promptly in a mixture of distant and neutral manner. He often tells me that he is doing okay & hopes that I am coping well and am doing okay too.
I have so many questions on my mind and would like to seek your advise:
1) Does he really not love or have feelings for me anymore?
2) Has he moved on from the relationship?
3) Does his actions indicate that I’ve been friendzoned?
4) Is thete a possibility of us ever getting back together?
5) Should I tell him honestly that I don’t want to be just friends or should I go straight to NC again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2017 at 1:50 pm
Hi Lynnie,
Yes, it looks like you are friendzoned..it’s better to assume that he has moved on, and then just start nc..
Melissa
November 21, 2017 at 8:21 pm
Ive done 2 weeks no contact and then i talked to him, begging and asking what went wrong… he blocked me two days after because i had annoyed him, but he said he wouldnt when we talked… then i did no contact again. he did unblock me and we started talking and i was a bit hard to get and he started texting first but, he never tries to get me back or anything. he is just texting me but it is really as friends and i can tell he doesnt try anything with me.. I dont want to be strung along.. we broke up before and he always said he missed me and fought for me back but now he doesnt… what can i do to get out of this friendzone.. i agreed to meet up as friends but he is hesitant.. What should i do?… I really want to meet up because i think i will have a better chance.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2017 at 2:56 am
Hi Melissa,
send a clean slate text.. tell him being friends is not workable for you right now, thank him for everything and then restart nc.. do at least 30 days..
Clair
November 12, 2017 at 3:11 pm
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago saying he didn’t have an emotional attraction for me anymore. Later on that night he called me and just had a casual conversation with me and asked me if i still wanted to be friends. The next day he called me in the morning saying he had been to a party the night we split up and had slept with someone but he claimed it meant nothing to him and that he couldn’t even remeber her name and also stated it wasn’t good because she “wasn’t me”. I met up with him after the phone call to discuss the situation in person and my ex was trying to kiss me and telling me he will always have feelings for me and will always love me and that the girl he had slept with the night before really didn’t mean anything to him. He was just offered sex so he had sex apparently. He still has my photo as his screensaver on his phone and i think all my photos on his phone. He also knew i was at a party last night and text me asking if i was having fun and asked me to send him a photo of what i was wearing and when i mentioned about having to borrow some guys shirt he seen my message and took longer to reply. He also asked me to add him back on Snap chat and he spoke to me for quite a while on that. I guess my main problem is that he didn’t even wait 24 hours before sleeping with someone else. I have asked people for advice but they all say it’s a guy thing and it’s a guys way of almost coping after a break up. When we met up and he said he still loved me and i told him to stop messing with my head he went very quite and awkward. I just really don’t know where i stand with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2017 at 1:47 am
Hi Clair,
It does look like he friendzoned you, do you want to try the advice above?