What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Confused

November 9, 2017 at 4:15 pm

We broke off and he agreed to being friends with me. At first i just thought that we will be like normal friends just catching up once in awhile but in the end We still meet up like as when we were dating, we hold hands, hug and kiss. Im clear that we are only friends but he gave me hope by saying things regarding our future TOGETHER. He still texts me goodmornings and goodnights everyday. But what i cant stand since way back in our dating days is that he is inconsistent? He sort of am all affectionate and then few days after we met he become distant again and we meet and affectionate again and distant again especially through texting.
Im just confused to the max although i know that i shouldnt since we are only friends. But i really do want to be with him still even if its just a friend, i just dont want to be affected by his behaviour.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2017 at 11:16 pm

You’re either friendzoned, or he’s aiming to be friends with benefits.

Confusion

November 8, 2017 at 12:38 pm

I should probably add that when he originally broke up with me 4 weeks ago he took it back when we talked it over. He told me that he just wanted a break for another week to figure himself out and we would get back to our relationship and figuring that out after, but 4 days after that he texted me saying he lost feelings and just wanted to stick with a breakup.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 9:50 pm

Hi Confusion,

yep, restart nc.. how much are you improving yourself.

Confusion

November 8, 2017 at 12:28 pm

My boyfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me saying he doesn’t see me as a girlfriend anymore and more as a friend. He’s been having issues in his life and is saying he’s really confused about his feelings. He doesn’t think he’s stable to be in a relationship but wants to remain friends. I tried nc for 2 weeks but broke it due to the fact I see him everyday at school. Should I go back to no contact or continue to be there as a friend to help him through what he’s going through?
Grace

October 31, 2017 at 2:02 pm

I should add that he and I have a child together. Maintaining a good relationship with his family is important for that reason I think. Does that help me in this situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Hi Grace,

Restart the count of nc and check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

Grace

October 31, 2017 at 1:55 pm

I am close with my ex’s family and have been meeting up with his mother and venting to her/getting advice from her since we broke up. I didn’t realize until reading this that it was a no-no! How do I come back from that? He and I have been in NC for a month now.
Lauren

October 25, 2017 at 8:37 pm

My ex and I been split for almost 3 months now. I finished the nc of 30 days and during the NC time he had been begging me to talk to him. So after NC we finally talked a little. A week after we had finally talked a little bit he asked what he could do to make things better between us. BTW we are now 4.5 hrs apart and I’m pregnant. I told him I needed some time to think because things went down ugly. He said I understand. So after a week I finally sent him a txt and started our conversation very positive and reminded him of a good memory. Finally I said to him what he thought would make things better. He said he didn’t know where to start and his life is a mess right now. So I said I can make a few suggestions but it comes down to what he wants too. I said I want what is best for the baby. He agreed that’s what he wants to. So then he says we need to be cordial to each other and small talk everyday. He’s said he might be visiting a buddy in town soon and said we could get dinner. I also invited him to a dr. Appt If he was around at the same time. He’s been calling me darling and hun. Today he txted me asking how my day was going. Is he trying to put me in the friend zone or is this his way of taking it slow or maybe relieving some of his guilt for abandoning me and our unborn child??

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 28, 2017 at 11:22 pm

It looks like he’s just trying to be a good co-parent, and nothing else..

Dorina

October 23, 2017 at 1:06 pm

Hi!My ex contacted me 1 month ago after 3 month no contact.We talked the break up through text messages and our immature behavior in the past.We meet in person and agreed to be friends first to see where this will go.He even asked me to go to Prom with him.Things where going pretty good,we went to a festival with his friends.I brought up the starting over topic and he said we dont have to rush things.I agreed with him and not so soon a senior guy in our School got interest in me and we talked a few days but I didnt feel like continuing talking as I still had feelings for my ex.Course my ex heard about my admirer and he told me a few days later that he lost feelings for me and now only sees me as a friend.He was sorry for confusing my feelings but after the 3rd week he lost the spark.Our prom will be on December and we are still dancing together 2 times a week.What can I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2017 at 5:40 pm

Hi dorina,

You can follow the advice on this one because it’s almost the same:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Katie

October 21, 2017 at 10:42 am

Hey,

Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly 6 months after a 3.5 year relationship . He broke up with me after a fight we had, we were arguing about stupid things towards the end. Since then we have been in and out of contact and seeing each other. I’ve tried to do no contact twice but both times I broke it after he messaged me after nearly 3 weeks. I’ve made all the possible mistakes with him at this point and really need your help! Recently we have been in contact more and he’s been initiating talking to me and meeting up. I’ve made the mistake of asking him what he wants and he says he just wants to be friends and get on. I don’t know whether he’s saying this because I’ve asked him too soon or if he really means it, I know he is scared of losing me completely because he says one reason he has doubts about getting back together is that if we broke up again we would probably never talk again. Even though I’ve made it clear to him that friendship is not an option for me and we wouldn’t be able to talk anyway. I don’t know whether to go in to strict no contact this time or give it time to see where things go if he is wanting to see me more? He just makes me so frustrated sometimes because he will tell me he’s too tired to do something then go out with his friends!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Hi Katie,

Do one last nc at least 45 days

Anon

October 16, 2017 at 10:50 pm

Hey,
So my boyfriend and i have been broken up for just over a month. We dated for 2 years and he broke up with me because he “couldnt do it anymore” and thought i was rude. (I read the ungettable gorl article and i think i went from a 20 to a 8).
I did no contact for a short amount of time and it worked, we started dating again. He went to hospital during no contact and thats why it was broken but we started dating again after that.
We then had a fight about the stuff we used to always fight about.
I tried no contact again but failed. And we decided to take it slower and date non exclusively. We tried to be friends with benefits (which i no you shouldnt do but i hadnt read anything about it yet back then) and that didnt work and he felt more detatched from me.
After a week he then said he only wanted to be friends. I read the articles about friend zones on this page and i did no contact for a short amount of time again and took control of the conversations. He said he missed me, it had been empty without me and that he still loved me. We then tried to date again. After we hung out once he was acting different. We spoke about it and he said that he made the weong decision and only missed or friendship and not the romantic relationship.
Now he has given me the decision of being his friend or not talking again. He said he doesnt see me romantically anymore and that we can never be more than just friends. I dont know what to do. I do want him back, we were good together for 2 years. I know we still care about eachother, but he said he doesnt see me romantically anymore. I understand what he says when he doesnt see it being a relationship because there has been a lot of stuff happening since the breakup. Please help

Denise

October 17, 2017 at 11:17 pm

thankyou for replying, i have been improving myself, going to the gym, reading books, working on being a nice person and i think it has worked, thats why we started dating again in the beginning because he could see change happening.
After our last hang out and our conversation of deciding between just friends forever – not going to evolve into a relationship, or nothing. We said we would talk in a week, im not going to contact him during that period, i do want to try a loner period nc, but i dont know what that will do since his mind is made up that he only misses our friendship and not relationship, our birthdays are really close together and are in 1 month so i dont want to do a full no contact. Can i do a week and a half contact, and what will the no contact even fix if he has made up his mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 19, 2017 at 2:55 pm

all the more that you should stick to at least 30 days instead of greeting him.. the no contact rule is not a guarantee it just helps increase your chances. check this one:
“Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2017 at 11:50 am

Hi Anon,
Stict to at least 30 days of nc.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting..

Confused Much

October 10, 2017 at 1:32 pm

Hi,
My ex and I have been broken up for 6 weeks now. I started the NC the day after he broke up with me. About 3 weeks ago he started reaching out only because I went away for vacation and I guess it caught him off guard. He also started looking at all my social media at that point which he used to ignore. Since he reached out about 21+ days in NC I figured it would be okay to respond back. We would text back a forth for days. Then he asked to hang out which we ended up seeing each other last week. He even reached in to kiss me a few times but I was hesitate to kiss him so I just pulled back. Before the night ended he asked if we can hang out soon because he had such a great time. I respond with an I don’t know. After that he texted me the same night saying how happy he was to see me etc. We texted a couple of days after back and forth and I eventually asked him what does he want out of all this because he would always reach out and we would text back and forth and then he wouldn’t answer. I know when I asked him what does he want it was somewhat of an emotional text. We both agreed that we still have feelings and like spending time with one another and dont want to lose one another. And I thought the convo would’ve went somewhere else but he just said he wants to be friends and isn’t ready for anything else mind you we are suppose to hang out at the end of this week. I wasn’t looking for a “I want to get back with you text” because I’m not sure jumping into a relationship right away would be smart. I guess I was looking for a let’s just try to see how things go, work on it and take it day by day. And what’s confusing is that last week he said he isn’t opposed to working on things. I’m not really sure what to do from here. Do I go hang out with him. Do i just remove him from my life because I know being friends won’t help me move on or let go of the past.

Ps this isn’t the 1st time we broke up. He broke up with me 2 times before but it never lasted more then 2 weeks.

Confused Much

October 11, 2017 at 3:59 pm

Hi Amor,

So i should just agree to being friends with him? Also we still plan on hanging out this friday should i still attend that. And lately when we’ve been texting he reaches out we text bacl and forth for a while then he just doesnt respond after. Should i be the one who cuts the convo short.

Thanks in advance for your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2017 at 12:11 pm

Yup, just don’t always be available.. Be the one to friendzone him by aggreeing but being more valuable because you have other things to do.. go out with other friends, continue improving yourself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Just agree, keep building rapport and being ungettable..

Confused much

October 9, 2017 at 8:41 pm

Hi,
So my ex and I have been broken up for 6 weeks today. The day after he broke up with me I immediately started to not contact rule. He would text me only to for an item I had of his. Which I would respond with one word answers. He asked for the item a few times but I was busy. When I mentioned to him that I wouldn’t be able to drop it off because I was going away he quickly asked me why I didn’t tell him I was leaving and asked where I was going. I disregard him and only spoke about his belongings. I ended up dropping it off the next day but he was home which I knew. I reached it to him letting him know I dropped it off (it was already 21 days of NC). He started a convo with me asking how I was extra. I would respond and we had a good convo. I ended up not responding after. During my vacation he would reach out and I would take my time texting back. Needless to say since then he has been reaching out, looking at all my social media etc. We hung out last week and it was good. It even seemed like he was going to kiss me a few times but I would pull back because I wasn’t sure I was ready. We planned to hang out again this weekend. But we started discussing what we were going and he mentioned how he just wants to be friends and isn’t ready for anything else. I’m not sure what to do from here.

PS we broke up twice before but clearly got back together and the break ups weren’t longer then two weeks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2017 at 2:59 pm

Just agree, keep building rapport and being ungettable..

Florence

September 29, 2017 at 12:39 pm

Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me after two years. About five months later, he begged me to come that his only human that he make mistakes in his life. During the time he was begging me, I didn’t come back because I wasn’t sure if he was serious. Later on I decided to come back to give him second chance. Since then we have been communicating very well. He even ensure me that this time it will be better. Just two months ago, I came to visit because I’ve been in school. He explain to me that he has a child with another woman, that she got pregnant during the time he was asking me to come back. Just last two weeks, he said we should just be friends that he’s not the right person for me. That we can not be together. I asked him the reason because I have already accepted that he has a child. He said he doesn’t like my reaction when he told me about the baby that I cried all night. That he’s not the right man for me. I should look for another man. That we should just be friends, that we will be communicating, and again he said he still care that am his person. I don’t just understand, what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2017 at 7:38 pm

Hi Florence,

Give him time.. If after a week or two, he doesn’t initiate, think about whether you want to try to get him back or not

briana

September 22, 2017 at 3:31 pm

my ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago after a fight. he’s been telling me to move on and that he loved me as a person. at first hes been telling people that it wasn’t forever and it was just a break. now he has been telling people that he just sees me as a friend. i feel as if there is still a connection and that there is still something there, because we still hang out and when we do it’s like nothing happened. we still talk everyday, but not how we used to. we are supposed to go on a “date,” just two friends hanging out. how do i get him to see that i am willing to make this relationships better and that i love him? how do i get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2017 at 4:30 pm

HI Briana,

do you want to try the advice above?

olufunmilayo

September 13, 2017 at 3:37 pm

hi,
my boyfriend broke up with me last month I was doing the no contact rule but only for 8 days because of an urgent thing that came up though we are friends now and we talk everyday but I noticed that recently he ignores my messages and he has also told me the things I did that made him en
d the relationship my question now is is there probability of us getting back together and how do I do that
thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 15, 2017 at 4:11 pm

Hi Olufunmilayo,

Why did he break up with you and how long was your relationship? You uave to restart nc and stick to at least 30 days..

Peach

September 8, 2017 at 2:44 am

Hello,

I broke up with my bf two weeks ago after a one year relationship, last week he asked for a second chance and I considered it which les to us spending the weekend together. However the next day when he said that we should take some time apart.

I had a talk with him just yesterday asking if we were over. To which he replied “for now I guess” and “we should take some time apart focus on uni or something and just forget about eachother for a bit”.

I want to have him come back and stay for good this time. But what does he mean when he says that?

Peach

September 8, 2017 at 2:45 am

Opp sorry accidently double posted. i thought the first didnt go thorugh!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2017 at 9:35 pm

HI Peachie,

You’re the one who broke up with him first, so that’s normal that he’s undecisive.. are you going to try the no contact rule?

Peachie

September 7, 2017 at 11:59 pm

Hello,
I broke up wih my bf two weeks ago after one year of being together and last week he asked for a second chance. We spent the night and following day together but the next day he popped up saying that he felt like we need some time away from eachother.
I had a talk with him yesterday asking if we were over. To which he replied “For now i guess” “we should go on a break focus on uni or something, and try forget about eachother for a bit”.

I obvioisly want him back, but he is giving me mixed signals. But could I get some opinions on what he meant when he said that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2017 at 9:35 pm

HI Peachie,

You’re the one who broke up with him first, so that’s normal that he’s undecisive.. are you going to try the no contact rule?

Kate

September 3, 2017 at 2:36 pm

Hey so my ex has begun to ask me to hang out regularly and we have been going out a fair bit. I initially considered whether it was just as friends but he knows how I feel so I feel like if he didn’t feel the same he would avoid me?

I want to ask him out on a date. How do I do it? Do I call it one.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 6:47 pm

HI Kate,

if you’re friendzoned, don’t ask for a date. He would just reiterate to you that you’re just friends.

Clarisa

September 1, 2017 at 3:00 am

I just ended the 45 day no contact. I chose 45 days because he “tried” to ghost me. I said tried because when he quit responding to me I went to his house. When I asked him, very calmly, what was going on he told me he was just stressed and tired from his new job. So I just figured he was distant cuz he was overwhelmed and needed help. So I became extremely helpful and unknowingly smothered him over the next few weeks. When he tried to ghost me he started having another girl over sometimes. I asked him about her, he denied cheating and broke up with me. His reasoning was that he wasn’t ready for a relationship cuz it’s too much for him to handle with all the other things going on in his life. During NC I have been focusing on my health, wealth and relationships. Also, I’ve been posting on social media. Another thing is that I realize I was extremely clingy, gnatted him like crazy and even showed up to his house unannounced a few times. I realize I’m most likely labeled as a crazy girl he once dated, and I’m going to be mindful of my behavior in the future. He didn’t contact me at all during the 45 days. My first text to him was yesterday, “OMG, you’ll never believe what happened to me.” He responded within two minutes, “who’s this?” I realize he must’ve deleted my number but I’m just glad I’m not blocked. I waited about 45mins to respond “I heard that Miami is playing tomorrow! It reminded me of when we talked about that both of our favorite teams suck. Haha. That was the first time you popped in my head in a while. This is Clarisa btw.” I included a funny meme. He didn’t read it until the next morning (this morning) but he didn’t respond, so I committed to wait another 7 days before I contacted him again. To my surprise he responded tonight. He said, “I’m sorry I don’t speak but I feel like if I do you’ll get the idea that it’ll ever be anything more than that.” What do I do now?

Clarisa

September 4, 2017 at 4:16 am

Thank you so much for responding! I just messaged him today. We live on the same street and I sent him this, “I just came home and saw a fire out of the corner of my eye! Are you having a pyro moment? Haha.” with a funny meme. This also kind of referenced a time when he jokingly called me a pyro. He responded and we had a few texts about s’mores. I didn’t respond to his final text. Should I still say something like “Oh I understand what you meant the other day! I realized how I was before! Lol!”? And how should I continue?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 7:39 pm

You can but transition to it casually mid conversation, so that it doesn’t look like you’ve been thinking about only that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2017 at 7:26 pm

HI Clarisa,

have you replied now? If yes, what did you say? If you haven’t, just say Oh I understand! I realized how I was before! lolS! and then tell the story that you were supposed to tell him

Ashley

August 31, 2017 at 5:19 pm

Hi,
My EX broke up with me two weeks ago after almost seven months of dating. Things were wonderful, we were talking about marriage three months in, however I have guy friends that I was upfront about and one had been texting me. I told my EX my phone was an open book as I wasn’t cheating and didn’t have anything to hide. He felt I was being sneaky and looked through my phone and found texts from my guy friend he considered flirtatious he said it wasn’t me he was worried about but then because they wanted to be with me. Because he was hurt and believed maybe something was going on (he had been cheated on by Ex wife and girlfriends) he said mean things to me. Which he had never even been remotely mean. I was shocked. I came from a ten year verbal abusive relationship. I bolted and ran back to the only thing I knew, my children’s verbally abusive father. I realized very quickly it was a mistake and I hadn’t broken up with the guy I was dating. Things got better and I fell back in love, but I had moved back to my apartment and kept my kids from him so they wouldn’t tell their father. I kept their father on the hook through talk saying I wanted to work on things with no real effort because in the past he had threatened help with childcare for my children, and because of sick days I was having an issue getting a nursing job. So I feared this would happen so I kept their dad on the hook thinking when I got a job I could afford child care and wouldn’t need him any more. The guy I was dating found out through my sister who blabbed on me. The guy I was dating was devastated. He believed I was trying to see who would work out better, and realized how much I had to be dishonest to keep things from falling apart. I can tell he loves me but it seems like he is trying to close himself off because he swears I will do it again. He wants to remain friends and we are talking sparatically but it’s torture because I wanted to get marrried I knew it quickly, but didn’t know how to fix the mistake and be honest with him after everything that happened. What should I do can this program help me? He said when a previous girlfriend cut him off cold turkey it was devistating and really hurt him. Said that when another girl waited for him to work it out that meant something to him but then she. Hanged her mind all of the sudden.

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2017 at 8:08 pm

Hi Ashley,

It’s still cheating..so check this one:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Kate

August 26, 2017 at 3:03 pm

You didn’t respond to my last question :/

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2017 at 1:38 pm

HI Kate,

I did, I’ll just copy and paste my answer there here.

It’s either you restart nc or move on

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1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”