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1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

  1. Ashley

    January 26, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    So my ex sent me a message today “He wants me, but wants to see what happens if we are friends for a bit” Do I not answer that and immediatley start no contact? I do not want to get stuck in the friendzone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2017 at 10:18 am

      Hi Ashley,
      yes, it did went through.. Tell him, sorry being friends is not workable for me right now, but thank you.. and then start the no contact rule

  2. Anna

    January 18, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    My ex and I dated for 5 months, but got pretty close over the short period of time. We met each others children and he even asked me home to meet his family (which I declined). Anyways, a couple month’s ago he suddenly broke off our relationship w/ no good explanation. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but just confusing. I went into no contact for 36 days and really improved myself. After the 36 days, I began following the texting advice and got positive responses from my ex. We’ve chatted on the phone and there is some flirtation going on. A couple days ago, he agreed to meet me for dinner after work, but ended his text with “just as friends if thats cool?” I agreed, and we talked for a little while longer but never set a date to grab dinner. The next day he text me “so when are we hanging out?” We’ve finally made plans to grab dinner, but what does all this mean? Am I friend zoned or do I still have a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Anna,

      not yet.. just use reverse psychology..use that opportunity to build more rapport..

  3. lizzy

    January 18, 2017 at 10:17 am

    We have been dating on and off for 18months and just last week he told me he want us to be friends. And that he is also changing his sofa in his leaving room so he want them to come and deliver them to me. And I said I don’t want to be friends with him. Now I have started th NC and he keeps texting and sending me videos but I don’t reply to them. My question is whiles I’m doing the NC can i still take the sofas from him because i need them.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      Hi Lizzy,

      yep, you can 🙂

  4. Jennifer

    January 6, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    My ex and I’ve been together for about a year and a half and he broke up with me a little over a month ago and he just says he wants to be friends so we can try and rekindle our relationship. my ex and I’ve been together for about a year and a half and he broke up with me a little over a month ago and he just says he wants to be friends so we can try to rekindle our relationship. We lived together and he asked me to move out so I’m living with some friends of ours and he keeps wanting to come over to their house so it’s been really difficult trying to do the no contact rule. Over this last month and a half I’ve been trying to just be friends hoping he’ll change his mind and every time I bring it up he shuts me down and says he needs more time and space. It’s been a couple of days and I just started the no contact rule but he’s text me every single day of it about little things like I have mail at the house or I need to check up on my friends in New York. I’m just so confused in what he wants I feel like he wants his cake and eat it too and I am just hurting in the meantime until he decides to make up his mind whether he wants to be with me or not. I’m just so confused about what he wants I feel like he wants his cake and eat it too and I’m just hurting in the meantime until he decides to make up his mind whether he wants to be with me or not. I just don’t know what to think or what to do please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Hi Jennifer,

      you’re probably right. Since he always comes at your friend’s house, Check this out:
      EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

  5. Deborah Young

    January 6, 2017 at 5:05 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 8 months ago.He is very honest,and he says that he;s not ready for a relationship right now bc he’s dealing with a lot.We don’t see each other at all but we talk practically every day.He’s not looking for anyone or doesn’t want to be with anyone else but me,but right now,he doesn’t want to be with me.He admitted the other day that he misses me,but right now he’s not ready to talk about his feelings.We had a fairytale romance,when we first started talking we couldn’t be together then,and he waited for me.We are still really close,so now I’m waiting for him.I have on several occasions sent him texts that were insecure or needy,and he got mad and told me to stop bc it was pushing him away.He’s not anything like most other guys,and I know him really well so most of the things on this site wouldn’t work on him,so I’m not sure what to do at this point.He said he will tell me things when he’s emotionally ready.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      Hi Deborah,

      So, he friendzoned you and now you’re waiting for him to see you in a different light? Did you set a limit on until when you’re going to wait?

  6. Svee

    January 5, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    Hi,
    It’s been a month since my ex broke up with me, we were best friends for an year and then in a very serious committed relationship for the next two and a half years. Towards the last six months of the relationship, I took him for granted got manipulated by one of my other friends into thinking that my guy was not treating me right. We ended up fighting so much so he took a drastic step last month and broke up. He told me he loves me and we have a bond but he doesn’t see it working in the future as he doesn’t want to hurt me more than he already has (which was because of me being insecure). I did the usual begging and pleading and he withdrew, blocked me on all social media and told my friends to take care of me. Then in three days, he texts me again, says he isn’t coming back and I should try to move on and again tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I’d like to be friends again (I have no intention of being friend zoned, I just wanted him in my life) and he said he’ll think about it. After that, we’ve been on complete NC for a month nearly and recently, he unblocked me. We work together on a student blog and we were civil to each other on the group. He hasn’t deleted any of our pictures on social media and he asked one of my friends how I was doing and he felt that I was better off without him. I really do want him back as my boyfriend but I’m at cross ends. I don’t want to be friend zoned. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2017 at 4:56 am

      HI Svee,

      how much did you improve in the last month? Does it seem like you moved on?

  7. Bee

    January 3, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    My bf and I split after 1.5 years days before Thanksgiving. I attempted the NC. He initially broke it on day 5 by coming over to my place. Then I broke it on day 14 in an emotional breakdown (I called and he answered). Then we continued the 30 days. Finally I asked him for my stuff. He came over, we both said sorry, we talked, were intimate, made arrangements to hang out that wknd and followed through to go snowboarding. Overall it seems like we’re on the same page. But on the way home he said we can’t get back together so soon. He said to others we need to be friend, and btwn him and I we can work on it. He said the breakup was fast and immature, plus what are our friends and family to think? He also doesn’t want to be intimate because he doesn’t want to “cheapen” the process of us working on it. I said that we both can agree that getting back together we both have to be better versions of ourselves or it won’t work. I know he’s working on himself. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. I’m also trying to keep open communication with him but am noticing that I’m initiating it or he is beginning to respond more slowly in the last week. He is a good sweet man, he does have a history of working on things with his ex’s, so that makes me hopeful. But more so I want to no be friend zoned and I want to get back together. We’re both in our early/mid 30’s and marriage is important to us. So I agree, we can’t “cheapen” this time apart to work on ourselves. If it works we need to bring the 2.0 versions of ourselves to the table. But what kind of communication should I keep at what frequency?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      Hi Bee,
      mirror him..if he’s nit that responsive now then be more focused in your activities. He has to think you’re not going to wait forever

  8. Alison

    January 2, 2017 at 7:03 am

    Hi Amor.

    I was dating this guy for a few months until just over a month ago. We’ve known each other for over 8 years but only beginning of last year started reconnecting with old friends after a major breakup with an ex and friends. He was the one to ask me out first some months later and I knew from the beginning I wasn’t interested in starting another serious relationship when I was still healing from the last one. However, when I tried to say things like “I don’t like when you do [insert thing here]” or “I’ve just had a bad day, can we meet up?” he just assumed I was seeing it as serious and could throw back the whole “Remember – we are only casual” which really hurt me. I mean… he knew I wasn’t thinking of him like that. I never called him my boyfriend, never thought of anything long term, etc.

    And then I did.

    Right as some terrible things were going on in my life he broke up with me going “i just don’t feel like going out anymore”. I can’t blame him for the timing – it’s not like I told him I was starting to talk to surgeons, oncologists and the like. But I can’t even do the no contact rule to try and get over it. We see each other a minimum of once a week, we have to talk to each other every couple of days, we get invited to the same events, we have the same friends, etc, etc. And while I’m not ready for something serious – he knows I’m interested in him and starting up again. On New Years we shared a kiss and I dropped him home. Despite my feelings and everything I was not going to let him walk him home drunk at 2am. We shared a kiss and he invited me in but I told him no. I would’ve liked to go in but he was far too drunk for that – something I told him the next day as well.

    So how can I try and start something up (not even seriously because I’m being realistic and starting this one step at a time) when I have to see him and talk to him constantly? Everything I look at I can’t seem to even try because I can’t do NC

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 4, 2017 at 5:01 pm

      Hi Alison,

      you have to decide and refuse some of the events.. you can use the same advice in this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  9. Rachel White

    December 25, 2016 at 11:37 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago, first month was no contact but after that he still said he wanted to be friends because he thinks we are not ready and maybe in a year or two we can be happy together but there is also a chance we both find others. I’m not sure I can be friends with him because it all seems so much easier for him, because he knows I’m there waiting if he changes his mind. So now I decided to change things because I feel he needs time and space, so I’m going to slowly back off and barely reply to his messages. The problem is he is only gonna be in my country for 4 more months and after that he is going back home so is letting him come to me (or not but then at least I can move on) a good idea?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 3:01 pm

      Hi Rachel,

      Did you ask him to get back together right after nc? You mean letting him visit you?

  10. :/ Really sucks

    December 23, 2016 at 2:40 am

    Me and my ex were really good friends for 5 months prior to us dating for 2 months. Known each other for 7-8 months total. He recently broke up with me a couple of weeks ago saying how he needs me as a “(best) friend” right now, and he didn’t want a relationship with me because of himself. He is worried of hurting me and himself and has created distance.
    He’s got pretty deep scars and therefore has commitment issues, he told me he’d tell me the reason on his decision on this one day but it’s really killing me on the inside. I’m trying really hard not to text him, but when he texts me i immediately text back. He’s like my best friend and i can’t just talk to him.
    This is a really fragile situation and i don’t know what to really do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 3:43 am

      Hi,
      If yoy keep replying everytime he texts you, it looks like you’re too available.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  11. In a pickle

    December 19, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    I just did 30 days no contact and reached out… During our first text conversation he said we can be friends, but nothing more. He has made it clear that he would like to see me though twice during the conversation. Do I go back into no contact or follow the rules stated above and ignore what he said.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2016 at 3:10 pm

      Hi In a pickle,

      You have to answer his invite if he asks again,whether you’re meeting him or not because he will bring that up again if he notices that you’re not answering it. I think you should restart the count but this time, tell him first you understand his decision but you’re not in a place to be friends for now.. and then massively improve yourself

  12. Isabella

    November 21, 2016 at 2:23 am

    Hello Chris and Amor,

    I followed the No Contact advice for more than 30 days. My ex did contact me half-way to meet up, but I told him no. After doing no contact again, I initiated contact with my ex by following the “First Text” message. Everything went great. We texted back and forth and eventually agreed to meet up for lunch. When we met, we had a great conversation on what we’ve been up to. Our bond seemed the same except we didn’t do any romantic things or any flirting. We had one silent moment and I kinda freaked out and blurted if we could be “friends” from now on. That he can contact me anytime if he wants to hang out or someone to talk to. He seemed to agree by nodding his head and we resumed talking again. When we parted ways, he told me to text him anytime I want to hang out.

    I realized that I (the dumpee) friend-zoned my ex! What should I do now? Should I continue doing low contact? Should I ask to hang out again? Do I need to be hot and cold in our next hang out? I was not hot and cold during that Lunch. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Isabella

      chill, you’re over thinking.. You’re not suppose to have a romantic date on the first meet..That’s ok.. You’re starting out as friends.. Just take it slow.. Build rapport first, always have fun but don’t be too available.. Continue having your own life

  13. Megan

    November 17, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago due to him not wanting to be in a committed relationship. We were in a very happy relationship for a little over a year. I have not initiated contact but he kept texting me asking to hang out. We ended up having sex twice these past 2 weeks. He says he wants me to go out and date but he does not want to himself. Is there a good chance of us getting back together? I am on day 2 of the 30 day no contact rule but I am scared to lose him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      Hi Megan,

      dont sleep with him again. There can be a be a chance that he may want you back but dont give him the benefit of being in a relationship when you’re not together. And be active in improving yourself during and after nc

  14. anon

    November 14, 2016 at 1:51 am

    I commented on one of these articles like a month and a half ago.

    I’ve done no contact before on my ex, which lasted for only 2 days because he immediately wanted me back. And what I did and made him think was really manipulative. This same guy broke up with me two nights ago because he lost romantic feelings for me and it wasn’t fair to me that he didn’t love me back the same way. When we broke up the first time and I fell off the face of the Earth for him for a couple of days, he didn’t wonder if I moved on. He thought I hurt myself badly. And so this time I told him I wouldn’t be contacting him for awhile. I know the previous break up and explaining that I’m not going to contact him for awhile is going to at least severely limit my chances of winning him back, but is there even a chance? I am hurting so bad, even worse than the first one even though I was more or less expecting this one because I could tell his love for me was dying out.

    1. anon

      November 14, 2016 at 2:18 am

      I should probably add we met through our current friend group, and I told him he’s allowed to hang out with everyone so complete no contact is not possible because when I come home (especially approaching the holiday season) I need to hang out with these people to distract me. It already happened yesterday. He came over to give me my ring back and he gave me the most comforting hug. And so I thought that was it, because I already knew he had plans for the night and so I made plans in our friends’ group chat and he ended up cancelling his plans to go to the party that was planned. Before he left, he asked me again to make sure it was okay that he went and I said “Yeah”. He didn’t say a word to me the entire night, but I also ignored him as much as I could. This morning though, after that being a rough experience at least for me, I told our friends that I like hanging out with them all but I just couldn’t do it anymore and left the chat. I still plan on having one of my closer friends tell them if I decide to do something at my house and want to invite them.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Ok, this time, complete the 30 days and make the most of it to heal independently.

  15. Janna Goulding

    November 12, 2016 at 11:28 pm

    My boyfriend just broke up with me. Friend zoned me. I’m scared it’s just because he has commitment issues. I want to try the 30 day NC but I’m scared if I do that immediately, then he’ll think I’m over him. I want him to see if space will help him so he will want me back, but I’m scared that what ever I do will backfire. Advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 8:31 am

      Hi Janna,

      so, you want him to think you’re just there, waiting for him?

  16. Heather

    October 27, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    Okay so me and my boyfriend dated for 2 years. We lived together for almost a year and we just moved into a new apartment, and we have pets, leases, and car payments together. We’re both 21. I moved to a different state to be with him, so now I’m alone here, and living with my friend. Things didn’t work out because I was clingy, needy, didn’t try hard enough, and a bit controlling and wouldn’t let him have much freedom. We planned our life together and we’re planning the future together too, the break up totally blindsided me. He said he just didn’t have feelings for me in a relationship type way anymore, and doesn’t care if I try to change, and I asked if we could fix things, and he kept saying maybe down the road or I don’t know right now. So we have been broken up for a month. The first week I kept begging and crying to him, and wasn’t getting the responses I wanted. The second week I saw him to exchange mail I had at our apartment (which is still mine and his but I moved to my friends apartment because I didn’t want to stay there anymore because I was upset) we didn’t talk much during the mail exchange and just were short and that was it. So I decided to go full no contact and not talk, text, call or anything and it’s been 2 weeks of no contact, and 2 days ago he reaches out to me and says hey how are you? I didn’t answer right away, but responded and said I’m good how are you then more simple messages were exchanged, like about work and our pets. So then he sends me a really long message and said “I’m just seeing how you and the pets are doing I don’t want this to be awkward or anything when we talk and even though we’re not together I don’t see why we can’t be friends. If you need anything or someone to talk to I’m here.” So he sent that last night and I opened the message and read it and still haven’t responded because I don’t know what to say to him. I want more than a friendship I thought no contact would make him want to be back with me. I even have been bettering myself and focusing on my health, wealth, and relationship. I’m not sure if he truly wants to be my friend, or if he is unsure if breaking up with me was a good choice so he’s using friendship as a way to come back into my life slowly? I’m afraid to ask him why he wants to be friend because I don’t want to mess it up or make him think I’m not interested. What do I do if I want to get back together with him? Because as of right now I still haven’t answered his message and he knows I read it, and I don’t want to go another day of ignoring it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 12:41 am

      Hi Heather,

      if the no contact rule is working to increase your chances, talking and being friends just after two weeks is too early.. try to finish the 30 day, establish your new routine.. he has to see that you’re serious..

  17. Isabella

    October 26, 2016 at 2:25 am

    Hello,

    My ex-bf of 3 years broke up with me because he said he thinks I’m “not the one.” I implemented NC right away. On day 10 of NC, he texted me asking if I’m free to meet up. I replied the next day asking why he would like to meet up and he said because he wants to see how I’m doing and if we could ever be friends. I told him “no” to the meeting and that I’m not ready to be friends yet. He told me to let him know when I’m ready. To be honest, I don’t mind being friends with my ex because I don’t want to be back with someone who can’t put in 100% into our relationship. I feel like I would need to do NC to heal before becoming friends. However, I do want to at least try and see if there is a chance I can win him back. What do you think is the best method I should do? Since I broke NC to reply to his invitation, do I need restart NC back to Day 1 or continue to Day 11 NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 27, 2016 at 7:28 pm

      Hi Isabella,

      Yes, you need to restart the count to day 1.Be active in improving yourself. Don’t like his posts nor social media stalk him but be active in posting in social media.

  18. Leslie L

    October 25, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    I’ve been dating my guy for a year. We broke up and we’re trying to work things out. He said he wants things to work but is hurt from what happened in our relationship where I pushed him away and his wall is high . He asked me to be patient and give him time but said he feels guilty that I love him and he dosent feel the same way yet. So he said he wants to just be friends. When I told him no .. he begged me stating ..” I want you in my life.” This isn’t what I want. I’m going to notice every day that your gone. I don’t want you to disappear. Asked me to call him I said no. Then asked if we could sit down and talk in a few days I said no. Bc he just told me his feelings aren’t the same for me and he dosent feel them progressing. This happened last night. This morning he was already texting telling me I left something in his truck. I did not respond bc he had already previously told me this the night before.

    1. Leslie L

      October 26, 2016 at 8:43 pm

      Also for a year we’ve never been apart (other than when we went to visit famklties for the weekend ) and have never gone more than a day without speaking .

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 27, 2016 at 1:00 am

      Hi Leslie,

      you did the right thing because if you agreed, that means you’re friendzoned..worse is you’ll be friends with benefit if something happened.. try doing 30 days no contact..Most important thing is that you heal and improve yourself during and after nc

    3. Leslie L

      October 25, 2016 at 11:50 pm

      he was saying these things in addition to the I want to be friends.

  19. Kay

    October 24, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We didnt talk at all except once we texted about work because we work together, once he said happy birthday, and once I just texted him saying I hope everything is okay because his dad passed away a week before. So technically I guess we broke NC but I really dont think i couldve not reached out to him after his father dying….However, the other night we had a “Talk” because we both agreed we wanted to talk about the brekaup as we went 3 weeks without saying anything about it. It didnt go badly but it didnt go well. He just said he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now and he wants to be friends, i told him I didnt want him out of my life but i didnt want to be friends. I even said how can we be friends when we BOTH have feelings still and he said eventually he thinks we will be okay and not feel that way. So my question is, am I stuck in the friend zone? How do I get out? Do i have to do NC all over again? he is going to be so confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 26, 2016 at 11:41 am

      Hi Krissy,

      yes, you n3eed to restart nc. You can tell him you realized you’re just not ready and the restart no contact..
      shopping with the advice above, check this one too:
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

  20. Sara

    October 23, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He said he is busy and we should be friends, take things slow and see where it goes. We stayed friends for two weeks till I realized he’s dating other girls. I got upset and I told him I don’t wanna be his friend and watch him finding another woman. He didn’t try much to change my mind. I haven’t contacted him for more than a week and haven’t heard from him. I’m going to stick to the 30 day NC rule. But, I’m not sure if he cares enough to miss me or contact me at all.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 25, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      hi Sara,

      do nc for you to heal and improve
      because even if you stayed to be friends, would he care? no right? He even dated while you were friends..

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