It’s been too long since I have done a video.
I apologize for that.
We actually had to find a new place to set up our video equipment since my daughter has to have her own room now and we were using her room as EBR YouTube central!
Talk about ghetto, right?
Anyways, we found a place and now we are back up and running.
Our latest video is about what you can do if your ex boyfriend has moved on to a new girlfriend.
(Shutter)
Check it out,
Transcript
Chris: Hey, Chris Seiter here from Ex Boyfriend Recovery and today I’m going to teach you about how you can get your ex boyfriend back if he’s moved to another girl.
So, the other day, I got to thinking, what are some of the people who are getting their exes back and doing that the people who aren’t getting their exes back, not doing? So, I went through my website and I took apart all the success stories I’ve had over the years and I’ve learned something shocking.
One of the most popular type of success stories are people who have gotten their exes back after their exes have moved onto someone else. So, what I like to do with this video is talk to you about my strategies for helping you to get your ex boyfriend back assuming he’s moved on to another girl.
Alright, this video is going to be divided into three parts. The first part is rebound relationships. The second part is the grass is greener syndrome. And finally the third and most important part is the being there strategy. Let’s tag in right now to rebound relationships.
PART ONE: Rebound Relationships
Common sense tells us that when you’re ex boyfriend moves on to someone else, your chances are aren’t that great but there’s one exception and that’s if he’s moved on to a rebound relationship. So, what I like to do now is give you my description of what a rebound relationship is so, you can figure out if he’s in that category assuming he’s moved on.
There’s three telltale signs of a rebound relationship. The first sign is if he moved on really fast. So, he broke up with and then he moves on in a week or something to a new girl or that can be a sign that he’s going into a rebound relationship.
The second sign is if that rebound relationship doesn’t last very long. So, in other words, if your ex boyfriend is dating someone and he’s been dating her for like a year, that’s probably not rebound relationship and finally the third sign is if he’s serious about it. You can always tell when a man is serious about a relationship. Depending on how he acts around his friends or how he interacts with her on Facebook or social media. So, look at signs like that.
Next, we’re going to talk about The Grass is Greener Syndrome and how it relates to your situation.
PART TWO: The Grass is Greener Syndrome
Alright, so The Grass is Greener syndrome is kind of an interesting thing. I always like to think that when it comes to men they have, there’s a visible attraction scale on their head and this attraction scale is a living, breathing thing. Into everything that goes into the attraction scale is sort of relating to a woman, her looks, her personality, her characteristics, basically anything that would make a man find you attractive goes into this scale and it’s a 1 through 10 scale. So, for example, a woman that man is supremely attracted to would be a 10 on a scale and a woman that he’s not attracted to obviously, would be a 1.
So, what happens with this scale is, when an ex boyfriend first dates you he goes through something called the honeymoon period. That’s where you can do no wrong, everything’s perfect in the world. So, in his internal attraction scale to you, you’re a 9 or a 10. You’re almost perfect but as the relationship goes on, little things about your personality or your characteristics or maybe your looks change and his attraction scale gets lower and lower and lower and it eventually gets to a point where it’s so low where he starts thinking, “Maybe, I can do better than her.” So, that’s when a break up occurs and he starts looking for someone.
So, he’s broken up with you and he starts to look for another girl that he thinks is going to be better than you and let’s say he finds her. He finds a girl and he goes through the same process that he went through with you, the honeymoon period where she can do no wrong and she’s perfect to him but when you look at her set attraction scale, she doesn’t have anything on you. She’s boring to him. Her characteristics aren’t going to be as good as you and when the honeymoon period wears off for him, he’s going to compare her scale to yours and yours is better. So, he’s going to sit there and think to himself, “Man, I made a mistake breaking up with her.” That’s kind of the grass is greener syndrome. It’s where a man breaks up with you because he thinks he can do better and sometimes he can. Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side but often times it’s not. Often times the girl can’t hold a candle to you and you need to keep this mind when you’re trying to get your ex back. So, why would I tell you this whole thing about the grass is greener syndrome? It’s to give you hope. It’s to let you know that you really do have a chance to get your ex back which leads me to my next point.
I’m going to give you the ultimate strategy for helping you move things along when it comes to your ex moving onto another girl.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI like to call it The Being There strategy.
PART THREE: The Being There Strategy
Alright so, The Being There Strategy, you know, if there’s one thing that’s probably the toughest part about getting an ex boyfriend back when he’s moved on to another girl it’s the fact that you have—you run the risk of pinning yourself as the common enemy. And if there’s one thing that unites two people more than anything, it’s a common enemy. If you play this the wrong way, your ex and his new girlfriend are going to get united over the fact that you’re trying to break them up. So, we need to kind of tread this fine line. We’re not trying to break them up but we just put your ex in a position where his ex girlfriend is really not so fond of you being in the picture and that’s where the being there strategy comes into play.
Alright, so I’m not a fan of trying to break people up. That’s not what we’re about here in ex boyfriend recovery but often times all that you have to do to put a rift between your ex and his new girlfriend is just by being there. Just by being in the picture, just be being consistent with talking to your ex. You don’t even need to hit on him. You don’t even need to use this any kind of like super text judo or get him to hit on you, you don’t need to do that. All you got to do is just be there and his new girlfriend will take note of you, the ex girlfriend being in the picture. So, just by being there, you’re going to make his new girlfriend jealous of you, his ex girlfriend. And often times, when jealousy comes into play, many kind of find it attractive at first but if you are consistent with the fact that you’re being there in the picture is going to find her jealousy and her insecurity unattractive and that’s what you need to do to kind of show him that she’s not all that great. You’re the one that’s great.
I want to take a moment to thank you for getting to the end of this video. I really appreciate you watching it and I want to offer you an opportunity. An opportunity to become a part of the ex boyfriend recovery family. We have a whole team of people dedicated to helping you get your ex boyfriend back and all you have to do is show your support and we’re more than willing to help you out. You can show your support by simply liking this video, subscribing to our channel, visiting our website at exboyfriendrecovery.com. You can find the link in description below or just commenting in this Youtube video. Just do something to get involved in this community and we’re more than willing to help you out. We’re very responsive. We’ll see you later.
Deepali
October 30, 2018 at 8:09 pm
My friend is getting married.and he invited my ex too for wedding ceremony..will it be okay for me to be there…or should i not attend it??
Chris Seiter
October 31, 2018 at 12:02 am
Hi Deepali!
Sure, go there and have fun. Just try to avoid contact with your ex if you are in the NC period. If chit chat can’t be avoided, smile and be pleasant and avoid any relationship talk.
260806345
March 15, 2018 at 11:11 pm
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 3 and a half years. He broke up with me. Now he is talking with a new girl. I don’t think it is anything serious, probably just a rebound. It has been a little over a month that we’ve been broken up. At the beginning of our breakup, I didn’t take it well, and he knows that. He has still has some of my things but avoids giving them back to me. Everytime I ask for my stuff back he agrees to meet up but never follows through. I have never contacted for anything besides getting my stuff back. He has contacted me twice in a very friendly way, but not talking about our relationship at all. It has been about a week since he last contacted me. If I want to get him back should I start NC and then use the Being There method, or should I go straight into Being There?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2018 at 3:41 pm
Hi,
Do nc first and then the being there method after it.
cambell
November 9, 2017 at 5:42 pm
I lost trust in him because he was in florida playing baseball and he was acting completely different. he wasn’t acting like the sweet gentlemen I thought I knew. I thought maybe he was talking to someone else. He knew that I was upset and he didn’t do anything. I told him why I lost trust and he said “well that was me just hanging out with friends” and says that if I didn’t lose the trust we would still be together. what do i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2017 at 11:34 pm
Stop chasing.. Restart nc.. stick to at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting and keep doing that after nc while you slowly build rapport.
Cambell
November 8, 2017 at 5:35 am
ah, where do i even begin? it has ben 2 months since my ex and i have broken up. his reason for the breakup is because i “lost trust” in him. he’s been hot and cold and then all of the sudden, 2 days ago, he says he has moved on. tonight he was talking about her, saying how she’s so nice, beautiful, family-oriented, christ-centered girl, etc. the funny thing is that i am also all of those things. he then said he still wants us to be friends. so, here are my questions.
-how do i prove to him that i trust him?
-which type of relationship is this?
-do i need to do no contact and then do the “being there” method?
-will me not being around help them grow closer?
i’m so sorry for the all the questions…just trying to get my ex back!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 8, 2017 at 9:12 pm
Hi Cambell,
shouldn’t he be the one worried how to get your trust back? Because trust is earned, is not just something you give.. why did you lose trust in him?
Ell nyo
October 13, 2017 at 2:55 pm
Hi
Me and my bf were in relationship since 2 and 1/2 years.before me..he had a relationship and cheated on her with me and I was unaware that he already had gf.after it got revealed later he finally accepted and made it clear that he loves me not his ex gf as they always have fights and etc and feelings for her is gone.so..after they finally broke up ..he came with me for a chance.and as I was stupid enough I gave him a chance.before that I interacted with his gf about the matter and she was not at all ready to accept him and were being kind with me understanding I was unaware of all these and it was bf’s fault.soon..after all this drama..we began our relationship and it was going smoothly.ofcourse he had anxieties in between( maybe about his ex) and I gave him enough time to let him be alright.ofcourse It was hurting me but I couldn’t just leave like that and thought to be patience with him and as time passes by he started getting normal and made efforts to make him happy.and I was just happy seeing his efforts.we had verbal fights almost all the time because he being hesitant towards me..little awkward when I talk him about our future and were never that ready for commitment.but when I go away from him he begs me and tries changing whatever I complains .but I was tired of complaining and to walk away.then finally after numerous pleadings of him..he tried very well and did accomplished.out of sudden when I went back to other state far from his..he started avoiding me .when I accused him for this ..he said he wants to focus in his career only and indifferences between us made him take this decision to get apart and he is clear this time.eventhough ..he always came back everytime whenever he did in the past days and always came back.so..I thot to punish him this time decided to go NC.but to my surprise..he never contacted me back.and after 21days when I contacted him he was still clear not to take me back at all and to my surprise he already started looking for girls.and yesterday I found he was flirting with a girl whom he had known since schooldays but never talked and 7 years when he were in relationship with his ex-gf ..he tried seeing this new girl when he and his gf were In break.they met even once but soon his gf came back and he directly went back to her without thinking about that new girl.and during this break ..he started seeing him again and that girl is interested in him too.and he cald this girl to his state and is also ready to book flight ticket for her so that they can meet and spend time together.i was shattered seeing their conversation on fb(I just hacked his fb and saw it).now when I confronted he is still saying that something pulled him towards her but he can stop talking with her if I am hurt.now I am hurt and I don’t want him like this ofcourse.i don’t know what to do?i love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 14, 2017 at 10:34 am
Hi Ell nyo,
Check this one:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?
Confused
September 2, 2017 at 9:27 am
Hi,
My ex and I were together for a year and we broke up in October so it’s been ages. Since we broke up we hooked up in December again in April when he told me he loves me and again in June stupidly. In June he told me he still really cares about me and we had a nice chat about our relationship and he asked if we could be friends I told him no, and he asked me to make an exception.
I left the country 2 weeks later to go travelling he kept in touch the whole time and messaged me but around mid august he messaged me and I ignored him he got quite angry but I decided it was best not to be friends and so I went into no contact again.
I just got back and yesterday he messaged me to say that he was seeing someone and he was giving me a heads up in case I saw them around together. Now my ex is 31 and this girl he’s dating now just turned 19 and just got out of a 4 year relationship at the end of July and he said they started dating beginning of august. Now I don’t think I should be worried but I’m kind of disgusted at the age difference between them so there were so many questions going through my head which I asked him and regret but he admitted that she’s really young. I feel like he is just a rebound for her and he wants a consistent person to have sex with but I was confused about why he told me about her so I asked him if it was serious and he said that he’s been spending a lot of time with her but it’s not an official relationship or anything. I love him but I don’t know what to do now. I saw his best friend out last night and he told me that he’s always been on my team and likes us together but I don’t think he tells my ex this. What should I do?
Confused
September 6, 2017 at 3:16 pm
Okay so sorry to bombard you with all these messages this is the last I promise. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?
So my ex finally contacted me yesterday to say that nothing has to change and he has no problem being my friend as long as there’s no drama. To this is haven’t responded and I still think I will do the NC for a while then try the being there method just bc I don’t want to seem eager. The fact that he still wants me as a friend makes me think he’s not that serious about this girl bc when he was with me he ignored his ex completely.
Do you think this is the right thing?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2017 at 6:54 pm
That’s ok, sorry for the late reply. Yep, that’s the right thing to do and maintain the new routine you started during nc and keep being active in posting.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 3, 2017 at 9:01 pm
Hi COnfused,
do you work in the same place?
Squirrel
August 26, 2017 at 1:58 pm
I forget to mention about the mean fight in the second year, i did something horrible…I was hurted by his words, angry, sad and so on….drunk that night and while passing him on the stairs I hit his chin for a short moment as he said something mean again.
I felt instant sorry after this and never wanted to hurt him in any way…was a horrible feeling but he never forget this neither and when he broke up with me brought this up again. Along with other fights we had. And then on the other hand like a day later he starts remembering me on the nice things we had. And brings up old nice memories.
I am so confused…
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2017 at 12:52 pm
HI Squirrel,
just to make it clear, he’s still going to live with you after going to Chile?
Squirrel
August 26, 2017 at 1:40 pm
Hey,
I really need help right now because I am really depressed and feel so helpless about our break up…
I try to explain it as good as possible since english isn’t my mother language. 🙂
My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years (just had our anniversary at the end of may…).
We are both 27 years old.
He broke up with me mid june 2017 telling me that he is done with the relation and gave up.
He thinks he was in a long broken relation with me and that he was the only one trying to fix it
the whole time and now he thinks it’s to late. (his words 1:1)
We met through an online game and everything started reeeally smooth and friendly.
He first didn’t even know that I was a girl 🙂 and we just talked and talked for a few days non stop and
later on talked/flirted over skype – were we saw each other also for the first time!
After this he was the first to start revealing really strong feelings for me and he told me like a bit over
a week, after we met online, that he has fallen in love with me.
It took me a few more days to reciprocate those feelings and telling him that I love him too.
I was at that time single for around 6 years?! Never had a “real”, long and neither deep relation to any
man out there and was scared because of my lack of experience in relations (and especially sex…).
I told him about it open and he said he understands me and respects my feelings and wouldn’t push me
because of it. And I must say “yes he really stand to his promise” – never pushed me in the beginning.
Like one month after meeting online he flew from spain to germany (were I live) to meet up for the first time.
We both felt it was more than just a crush and couldn’t hold our hands of from each other.
In the begin of August 2013 he then moved completly over to germany. I knew how hard it has been for him to leave
his family and friends back there for me and was so happy to finally have found a man who loves me so much
that he even gonna move to another country and learn a new language just to be with me.
Everything was perfect in the first year. We spent all the time together and had sex a few times every day.
Sadly under the roof of my parents because we both had no real job that time…and that’s were we STILL live atm – to this I get later.
Though in the second year of our relation one mean fight because of his jealousy (he has problems to trust…probably because his past relationship were bad and both of
his ex girlfriends cheated on him).
Apart from this, we just had sometimes smaller fights. Mainly for silly things and a few time because
of my past hobby – dancing! (he didn’t like to see me dancing with other people..even friends of
my family)
But after this it seemed like I changed (thats what he also told me when he broke up “you are not like in the
beginning when we met”). Our sexlife suffered first under those “changes”, which I at this time honestly
didn’t saw/noticed/felt as strong as he did (and now I don’t understand how this could happen by myself…).
I thought it was because of my hormones and my age and the situation with us not earning enough to move out
and so on.
We still had from the 2-4 year many beautiful and nice moments and memories (he said this too) but our
intimacy level sank too….because of me :(. I now know that I have been pushing him often away.
Doesn’t matter if it was when he wanted to have sex with me, kiss me, sometimes even hugs…I was acting
strange and I told him that I am so sorry for all of this because I don’t understand myself. I never felt
different in this times about him. (thats the joke in it..) My strong love feelings like in the beginning
fell even stronger over the years.
Now when he broke up he told me that I was so distant. I would oftenly stay awake on the computer when he
laid already in the bed instead of going to him and cuddling with him. Or when we visited his family in spain
I would be up in the room and sleep long. (well for me it was because we had 1 week free and I was dead from
working…at this time I was already in an education – but ofc I understand his point there)
Before he broke up with me in june, I noticed that he was really distant to me and the whole time on his phone.
I asked him after he said “he gave up on the relation since our anniversary or even before” (he is really
confusing and always changing what he thinks) , if there is someone else. He was denying this the whole time.
But I know him so well..I knew he is lying so I did something stupid what ashames me now and what I never did
before. I stalked him. I looked in this pc, phone etc and found out I was right and he has been lying to me
since the begin of june 2017. I found out many painful things…he has been sending gifts to this girl
which lives in chile (11.000 km away ffs!!!), speaking to here daily since june (the whole time on his phone)
and the worst – I was he was on booking sites for flights from germany to chile with hotel room for 2.
After I confronted him with this things escalated (ofc…) he got really mad at me and we said mean things to
each other (most without meaning them that way…I know). And since I found this out I was upset for the rest
of june and the whole july too, clingy,desperate,needy (also sexual..) – the whole bad package.
Crying nearly every day and so on. Since we couldnt stay away from each other…living
at my parents, sharing one room and one bed. And seeing him the whole time writing/video chatting with that
woman destroyed me. I also wrote this woman once on facebook telling her that she should please stay away from
him that we can try to fix our relation (but I was polite to her and yes I know it was wrong to write her) and
asked her if she knew that we were still in a relation when they started to flirt. She answered “friendly”
back saying she was never befriended with him, doesn’t know if she ever will be and everything what “happend”
happend because he wanted it and he started with it. She never wanted to steal my boyfriend away but at this
point of the game she wants it too and I shall forget about him because he doesn’t love me, otherwhise he
wouldn’t be so fixated on another woman.” – her answer (she is a language teacher and seems to be clever and
friendly…what makes it even worse for me…)
Since this confrontation and the mail to her things are really strange for me.
He acts so confusing…I started to pull away a bit more and take plant medicaments to stay calm and suppress
the crying/heartache etc. And since this he gave me mixed signals. One day he would start crying next to me in
the room saying he never wanted to hurt me I was his life and he loved me so much (talking past tense hurts…)
and he never wanted to lose me. He still hugged me everyday really tight and long…sometimes telling me he
loves me (even though he said this to the new woman already too…) and that he misses me, or saying things like
he knows that this is gonna be his biggest mistake in his life. I don’t get this man anymore which I thought
to know for 4 years. Well…on the 21.08.2017 he took this booked flight to chile to meet up with that woman
make trips through the desert and so on. I begged him to stay and give our realtion another chance but he said
he thought 4 years only about me and did everything for me and now he needs to do this for himself.
He comes back at the 05.09.2017 and I already don’t know what’s gonna be. I pulled more back now and I don’t
write him at all since a while. When he writes me I answer normal and friendly and don’t show any neediness
to him. But I am so scared that they get closer there…even though I found it pointless him moving on into
such a long distance relation. And it scares me even more that he might move there. Even though he said he’s
gonna stay here (has work here) and not gonna move further away from the family and me. He doesn’t want to let
me alone and needs me in his life (his words) and he just don’t want to be far away from me and also our dog.
Ah also to say: we bought just last year a plot together on which we wanted to build…we talked the whole last
two years about marrying, having a baby soon and building…makes things stranger, isn’t it? I only talked about
it with one friend and she thinks that this right now is just like a “knee-jerk reaction” from him…but I’m
scared he might truly fallen in love with this new woman.
I don’t know what to do or how to act infront of him when he comes back. I’ve been working the whole time on
myself now and also told him that I would change and never ever would let the same things happen and come
between us again. I am still the same girl like in the beginning just a few years older. I feel so bad that
my insecurities pushed him away..
I don’t want to live without him, for me he is “the one” and I need his love in my life so much….it hurts.
I read all your guides but not everything fits with my situation…please help me with your advise… 🙁
btw. sorry for the long post…
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2017 at 12:52 pm
HI Squirrel,
just to make it clear, he’s still going to live with you after going to Chile?
Gabby
August 19, 2017 at 4:54 pm
Help!!! After 30+ days of NC I texted him yesterday, we answered my after just a few minutes, I texted him back y he also replied, I wanted to ended the conversation si I said I had to leave but the we can continue talking other day?? He replied that he doesn’t think that’s a good idea since he is dating someone and that is not correct!!! What should I do now!!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 22, 2017 at 6:47 pm
rest for 3-5 days before initiating again.
Jane
August 19, 2017 at 11:32 am
Hi Amor,
I would be grateful for your advice.
I’ve met him online, we’ve been talking for over a year and making plans to meet in person. It was lovely and so exciting.
But he disappeared one month before we were about to finally meet. It hurts me because he has been saying he wants me and can’t wait to be with me for so long.
I haven’t texted him since he stopped, I had hopes he will.. But 3 months passed and nothing. Lately I discovered he has a new girlfriend and they seem so happy. I feel terrible.. I think he’s just lost interest in me and he’s happy with her now.
I need to talk to him but it seems too late for that. Is it better not to text him at all?
Do you think there is something I could do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 19, 2017 at 9:37 pm
Hi jane,
If it’s for closure, send him a message, and whether or not he replies, let that message be your closure and move on
Clarisa
July 23, 2017 at 2:30 am
When my, now ex, bf and I started dating we had sex before he committed. We had been dating for about a month prior. After a few nights together I asked him if he was planning on being exclusive with me. He said yes, and we decided to be monogamous. After a few weeks of bliss and referring to me as his girlfriend and introducing me to some of his friends as such, he started to grow distant. He said it was due to work stress so I tried to become the super supportive gf. He grew more distant and I turned into a text gnat. I found out later that this was the time he started texting and having another girl over to his apartment. My heart dropped when I saw her over there. A few days later I asked him in a non aggressive way of he had cheated, he denied cheating. He also broke up with me in the same conversation. A mutual friend told me that he said he wants nothing to do with me and that he likes this other girl because she is crazy and doesn’t expect anything from him. I’m feeling like he has some commitment issues from a bad marriage and committing to me was a big step, but I drove him into the arms of a “no stirrings attached” girl with my clinginess. They are still seeing each other. I’m on day 6 of No Contact. I’m wondering if I should continue NC or start Being There? My situation is a combination of cheating and him leaving me for another woman. I also have realized a lot of the things I did that are such a turn-off for men.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 5:03 pm
HI Clarisa,
the being there method and engaging conversation consistently is after the nc period
Jess
July 20, 2017 at 1:20 pm
Hi,
I was with my ex 2 years we split a little over a year ago but remained talking to each other each day and meeting up as we both had feelings and I thought we were trying to sort things out
He ended up getting a girlfriend last year and she hated me even to say my name would cause an argument I stoped talking to my ex doing the no contact rule for a full month and my ex came back to me he initiated is talking again.. few months later they split up but I us to sit and watch the man I loved be with someone else and that killed me.
This year he got another girlfriend in the April/May she also hated me and stalked my Facebook Instagram before I’d even knew he was seeing her.. my ex told me he was seeing someone and she doesn’t like the fact that we talk so I suggested maybe we don’t talk anymore so I went in to 30 days no contact.
Few weeks later my ex starts to talk to me again telling me he missed me in the only person that knows how to talk to him when he says upset etc.
We start talking again everyday he phones me of a night we have a laugh he’s even come to see me.
A few weeks ago I had a really bad week and needed to talk to him and needed up breaking down and telling him how I felt I told him I still loved him and watching him be in a relationship with someone else was killing me.
He told me he still loves me and wants us to try again at some point I asked how can he be in love with two people at the same time and he told me he isn’t he saying only in love with one and that’s me..
yet he’s still with her and planning little days outs with her like he’s going away for the weekend for his birthday, he came to my house yesterday and told me how he feels but I don’t know what to think.
She doesn’t know me and him still talk and he tries his best to make sure she never does find out..
I don’t know what I’m going to do. Watching him be with someone else is killing me and I don’t think I can do it for much longer. But I don’t want to lose him again.
Can you help at all?
Jess
July 25, 2017 at 2:23 pm
Hi amor,
I don’t understand how this will help my situation we aren’t together and haven’t been for almost a year now
He has a new girlfriend and is still talking to me telling me he loves me and not to believe what I see on social media but it looks pretty real t me..
I’m at a breaking point right now I don’t know what to do!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 6:31 pm
actually I think the How To Set Your Boyfriend Straight part can help you. You just have to adjust it to your situation. Specifically this phrase:
Challenge him to lay his cards on the table. Make it clear in no uncertain terms that if the two of your are going to “work” he needs to come clean with the truth.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 8:20 am
Hi Jess,
Check this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl
Megan
July 15, 2017 at 10:36 pm
We dated for 4 years, mutually decided to end it. I worked on myself to become a better person, while living 8 hours away. 6 months went by, he started dating someone new. We are in the same place now at the 7 month point and I realized that we might be making a mistake. Since he is dating someone should I still do the 30 day no contact rule or should I do the “be there” theory?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2017 at 8:30 pm
If you improved yourself and still does, you should start the being there method.
Tahni
July 4, 2017 at 7:02 pm
Hey folks,
So some info: boyfriend of 3.5 years breaks it off with me a little over a month ago. I’m 25, he’s 24. All in all we were great, but he said he had inner issues, didn’t want to drag me down, loves me, I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had, that I deserve a better man than him, doesn’t know if he’s still in love with me but still loves me, doesn’t want to hurt me. The works. Mind you, about 1.5 years ago he did cheat on me, got poss drunk and kissed another girl and told me, but we worked through that and I guess he never forgave himself either, because I know I did after a month of no contact. We were great after that but I guess he didn’t work on himself internally after that and I didn’t see it. So after this recent break up, I immediately started no contact. I knew he was hurting, heard about it from his family and mutual few friends, who all keep telling me how they told him he lost out losing me and they still love me too. I stayed strong to no contact though, and followed your game plan while on NC: working on myself, using social media, etc. He never stopped watching my Instagram and Snapchat stories, continued liking everything I posted. I figured I still got him hooked to my page. Finally 30 days of NC come and go, on the final day I post a picture of my body I been working on and he messaged me saying I look great. We had small talk. I tried following your texting guide even though he reached out to me first after NC. Then I find out from another source he’s kind of in a rebound relationship with another girl, a coworker of his. This started 2 weeks after our break up as a FWB but escalated to a hidden relationship. She’s 10 years older than him, has 4 kids (all of which he’s not ready for, I think he’s just in it for her physically?).. basically my source is emphasizing to me how shocked they are he got into a rebound with her. But they’re not public. They found out from a friend of a friend of a friend who I guess isn’t that good of a friend to her if they’re talking about it!
So I’ve been communicating with him still, since NC had been completed. After reading this article, I got some reassurance. I guess my question here is what do I do now? Continue staying I’m the picture, but do what? Do I just keep playing the game of 50/50 responding to himand initiating communication? I do still love him, and I feel he still loves me more than he thinks. Please help me, I’d appreciate anything!
Tahni
July 13, 2017 at 4:13 pm
I’ve been trying to continue to build rapport by continuing to talk to him. But since that day we’ve deleted the last of each other’s pictures off of our instagrams, he hasn’t been talking to me as much…
I try to hook him back into wanting to talk, by talling about things that interests him, waiting a while between replies every now and then to seem like I’m busy but not too busy, and always trying to end the conversation first on a good note or with something I can come back and reply to. But the distance I’m starting to feel again since he’s contacting me a little less through text is making me feel like he is friend zoning me? He recently admitted that his friends he lives with have all told him to just move on and they don’t want to see us together (they’re all single as well). And sometimes when he’s talked to me he’s said he’s still torn because this break up isn’t what his heart is telling him to do but something he knows he needs. I’m assuming those friends comments are getting to him? Because I noticed he hasn’t been talking to me as often throughout the day. He has told me his family and other friends all still love me and have even told him differentry renditions of how they think he’s so stupid for doing this to me and that if he ever ended up with someone else they’d hate her…
I’ve read your other article about what to do when the friends of the ex dont approve.. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve already did No Contact before this point. And we’ve been building rapport. I really can’t tell if I’m in the friendzone, because after reading your articles he does both things to make me feel like he wants me more than that and doesnt. What do I do? What’s going on here between me and him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 6:42 pm
Well, right now because he thinks you’re still affected or upset because of the deleting of pictures, you have to lay low maybe for a week and then initiate again
Tahni
July 9, 2017 at 11:23 pm
So update: we’ve been talking more. He’s been getting into asking what I’m doing. Still brings up our past relationship and says things like he wish he could have gave me more, reminisce’s about it with me, even said too bad we didn’t have our own place together, and every now and then made comments about future activities with me.. like what we could be for halloween. I’m going crazy because I know he hasn’t stopped talking to that rebound. He’s asked if I’ve been with anyone else and said he wondered because he knew I was a great woman and there were guaranteed to be men running after me now, but they’re probably still confused because I had one pic left up of him at the beach on my instagram from a while ago. I said nothing official but he’s right, there are men giving me attention. So I told him there must be girls after him too, but are confused as well being he kept a photo of us both together up still from a while ago. He told me there isn’t anyone (even though I already know there is). Well finally today sources told me that he had told her he made it clear to me that we won’t get back together…
Complete bullshit. He’s still liking my things. But when I heard that it hurt me so bad I deleted the last photo of him from my page. He must have been stalking mine as well, having viewed my story from the morning, and saw I deleted his picture because an hour after I noticed he deleted me off of his page as well. He also hasn’t texted me at all today.. what do I do?? Please help, anyone…
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 13, 2017 at 9:45 am
He would really tell her what she wanted to hear..that’s why you just need to keep building rapport..he must have just reacted to you deleting his photos
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 5, 2017 at 5:29 pm
Yup you should just continue slowly building rapport slowly
Astrid
June 12, 2017 at 4:39 pm
Hi,
My bf (26 yo) and I (22 yo) were together for 4 months (last summer) and then we went to study in different states and agreed to separate. He had a gf after me and I was seeing one guy as well, but we have been good friends and we get along soooo well. We stopped talking to each other for few months and now that we are back home we are seeing each other again. We are meeting every week, laughing, touching hands, hugging, reminiscing the past and planning on going for holidays together in July.
Unfortunately – he has a new gf and seems to be in his honeymoon phase and after only 2 months together he is planning to move to Canada with her. in September He wants to start a family soon, so i think he is looking for a wife and thinks I’m too young for that. I don’t know how to get him back. I know that after this summer we will separate again but I really want to make it work (long distance for a year but then we could live together in the same place). He told me he loved me, but I think he is in love with her as well and it hurts a lot. Next week there is a party for which both of us are invited and I dont know how to act around him and her and he said she really wants to meet me. It’s very confusing for me so I would really appreciate your help. The year apart showed me that he is the one I want to be with, but I dont know what to think and what to do….
Astrid
June 14, 2017 at 12:41 pm
Tbh i was going crazy because of the whole situation and in order to avoid any drama we met and i told him that he is the best guy ive known, wished him well and said that i will always love him but I wont fight with other girl for him. I think he accepted it and now we are not talking. It is very painful but i will do NC for a month or two, but i think it might be over. He is looking to settle down and because i live in a different state i dont think he sees me as a wife material. I dont know if there is anything else i can do…
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 14, 2017 at 11:02 am
Hi astrid,
Are you going to do the advice above?
Jadyn
June 11, 2017 at 6:29 pm
I understand this being there technique. And I see how it could pull him and the rebound apart. I just don’t know where to start. It feels so unnatural to text him after being broken up for 2 months. I miss him so much. I want to text him. I wish I could fast forward past the awkward initial contacts. I feel so fake trying to come up with messages to send. Sure I have memories I can remind him of and afew stories from our time apart that I could share. But those topics will only last so long. It feels so forced. It this normal? I want to be ex boyfriend recoveries next success story but this is feeling so unnatural. How do I go about building rapport? Our biggest issue was always communication. I’ve gotten better since the breakup but being in this stage of having to initialize contact has me so anxious again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 14, 2017 at 10:14 am
List out his interests, everything you can think of and if there are current ones in the news, friends or in the environment, use that..
Olivia
June 6, 2017 at 7:07 pm
CHRIS PLEASE HELP. I have been talking to my ex for about 5 months now – after not speaking for many following the breakup. NOW I have been acting like we are dating, visiting, talking daily, friends, family all involved, and I read messages on his phone where he has been tagging other girls on Instagram. A couple of these notes read “we should go here” as in together. I know we aren’t exclusive yet even tho we have acted as such for a few months now but does it mean he isn’t serious about me if he is asking other girls out? I don’t know what to think or how to react. If he is not serious I don’t want to waste any more of my time on him. Please let me know.
Olivia
August 16, 2017 at 11:03 pm
Hi again. So after your last note I made it clear that I won’t be okay with him asking these girls to do 1:1 activities or being flirty in messages and he agreed, (and also denied ever messaging one of these girls, or at least pretended like he didnt remember…) he said if i ever feel that hes inviting other girls on dates for my own good i should end things with him but that he has no interest in doing that. Everything has been going great, he has been treating me really well and we have been visiting one another every week or 2 weeks. hes been hanging out with my family a lot, spoiling me…etc. He even asked me to move in with him in his town. BUT last weekend when we were together he was showing me something on his phone and I saw that he had been talking to one of these girls on snapchat (the one he sent an instagram message to asking her to go to some food spot together while we werent exclusive yet). I glanced away and didnt say anything in the moment because I wasnt sure how i felt about it yet and wanted to think before reacting. We have talked about this girl and he claims they have been friends for years and thats all she is to him although I know there must have been a little more going on btwn them when we were broken up due to the activities they would do together and her posting pics of them together (free game- he wasnt dating me and we werent even talking) but now that i have given things more thought it does bother me to know he is still keeping in touch with someone that he most likely had feelings for …. as far as i know they rarely ever text (i never see her name pop up) and could have been a very innocent snapchat of anything that he just commented back to (hes very friendly and outgoing person in general with everyone) but it still makes me feel a little uneasy. do i have a right to feel this way? i dont know if i want to say anything since the moment has passed and i dont want him to think i dont trust him. I just dont want him crossing any lines or making me feel uncomfortable especially when hes asking me to move to his town and pick up my whole life for him. i want to feel like hes 100% committed with 0 doubts in my mind before doing that. are my feelings of being bothered warranted or am i overthinking something that isnt an issue? please lend me some guidance
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 17, 2017 at 3:35 pm
Talk to him about it..trust is earned..It’s not something that depends on others.. If you dont trust that person that means he/she didn’t earn it
Olivia
June 15, 2017 at 1:54 am
Well we weren’t exclusive when he was messaging these girls. And when i asked him about it he told me they are just friends. i cant really prove they are any more than that at this point… I would think now that we are exclusive and I have set my standards…. if he breaks them now or isnt loyal I would stand by my word and end it. You think since he was messaging girls when we werent exclusive yet that i gave him the impression that its okay to do that and that i will stick around if he does that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2017 at 6:34 am
nope of course not.. that’s why you’re setting it clear now.. it’s a different story if he keeps doing it whne you’re you already made it clear that you and him are exclusive.
Olivia
June 13, 2017 at 5:03 pm
We had a talk and I casually brought up the messages saying someone told me about it… he says these are all girl “friends” and he is going to continue to have girl friends… But, one of them I have never heard of and really don’t think they are friends. Anyways, in this talk I also said I need to be his gf or nothing, i cant do the inbetween with somone who i dated for so long. he said he wants to be exclusive and in a relationship with me but didn’t act that excited about it…. rather just sort of accepted it and said lets do it. he also said he is scared that things dont work out and we jumped all in instead of continuing to take time to see how things goo…. but i told him i cant keep doing the inbetweeen for many more month,s weve done it long enough and he knows me. afterwards he took me to his sister’s birthday party with all of his family members and was calling me his gf in front of his friends and family… but I am still confused with the messages to other girls. Do you really think the messages mean he isnt serious about me? what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 14, 2017 at 3:43 pm
keep your word.. if you really dont want him talking to other girls, thrn dont stay..or he’ll just keep doing it if you stay because you stayed.. why would he change when you’re still there? That means you’re the one not being serious with your standards.. that means you can do the inbetween because you didn’t leave
Olivia
June 9, 2017 at 4:06 pm
He sent another note to a new girl asking her to go on a hike and sending her pictures of the hiking place and being flirty. WHY is he reaching out to other girls if he claims he is serious about me and wants to be with only me???? Is he unsure about me??? Is he playing me??? Does he need attention since we are LD??? What do you think is going on in his head? We had a talk a few days ago and pretty much decided we are “dating exclusively”…….. why is he continuing this behavior behind my back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 13, 2017 at 4:12 pm
That means he’s not serious.. You have to let more time pass so it’s credible to bring it up to him
Olivia
June 8, 2017 at 11:47 pm
and I did bring up being exclusive and he said yes, he’s already been acting like hes dating me… but, it doesn’t seem like it when I read his phone and he is trying to do activities with other girls. I guess I am just wondering if it is normal that he is still interested in doing these things with other girls all the while telling me he wants to date me. It doesn’t add up in my head.
Olivia
June 8, 2017 at 11:41 pm
I guess my fear is that he just agrees to be exclusive but doesn’t actually follow through. If we’ve already been talking for this long and he’s STILL messaging other girls about going on dates, hikes, etc together….. does that mean he doesn’t want to be exclusive with me? Also he doesn’t know that I know he’s talking to other girls like this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 7, 2017 at 5:42 pm
why arent you talking about being exclusive?
Ryan
June 3, 2017 at 8:14 am
My ex boyfriend broke up w me 2 months ago and left me for another guy. A month into that relationship they broke up but just yesterday he told me they got back together again. I can see that my ex still cares about me as he didn’t want to hurt me by telling me that they were back together until I kind of drilled it out of him. Is this still considered a rebound or GIGS? I really do want to try and get a second chance but he also mentioned he feels that what he has done is not forgivable and that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I’m at a lost for what to do. Try and “be there” and continue being nice or just forget about it and move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 3, 2017 at 4:25 pm
being nice? he left you twice for the same guy, that will show you have no standards.. either you do a no contact period or move on.
Jemma S
May 31, 2017 at 3:16 pm
I have been back in touch with my ex for about 4 months now. We dated for about 3 years and didn’t talk for about 6 months after we mutually broke up due to distance/fighting. We are still in a distance relationship (2 hour by plane) but he has been pursuing me for about 3 months now- comes to visit, invites me to family and friend gatherings, texts me almost daily, calls me… and so on. After we broke up there was another girl that he started to “date” but lied to me about. She was always posting pictures of them together, they hung out and did a lot together, she met all his friends. Well, as far as I know that ended when he started talking to me again, but now I just found out they are talking again. I don’t know if it’s as friends or more than friends, and he and I aren’t exclusive or anything, but he has been leading me on and I am supposed to go visit him soon. I don’t know what to do… if he is still talking to someone he has feelings for and me, I don’t want to get hurt or played… what do I do? please help.
Jemma S
June 5, 2017 at 8:22 pm
SO I asked him if he’s seeing anyone else. He responded he doesn’t know what / who I am talking about and the only girl he has been interested in dating seriously since we broke up or would even consider dating is me.
I would assume she is the safer bet since they live in the same place and him and I are LD which makes things harder. I wish I would have worded my inquiry differently – and asked if he is talking to anyone else. I visited him and he left himself logged in on my computer and I read messages from him to her over the past few months mainly tagging each other in shopping items and food so I guess fairly harmless….but also clear they are in fact speaking again. There was also a message in there from about 3 months ago where he sends a restaurant name and tells her they should go together. And a message to a different girl asking her out to dessert. That said…. we were talking almost every day at that point and visiting one another, but I guess technically didn’t have any conversations about dating one another again or being exclusive…
I don’t know if I should trust him or not. If he has only been interested in dating me seriously since we broke up, why was he going to date like events with another girl. And how can he say he wasn’t dating her when I am almost positive they were sleeping together too? Meeting friends and family? It doesn’t add up to me? Being LDR it causes trust issues for me they are talking again even if it is just as friends since within past year they were romantic.
I also asked him what we are doing, if we are friends, more than friends, etc. and he said he thought we were dating already and seeing how things go (about a month ago we said we would trial relationship to see if we wanted to get back together) but that the last month or so hasn’t been the most enjoyable…. I was being more distant and probably seemed a little jealous or protective because I am frightened of getting hurt if there’s more than 1 girl in his head. And I got upset so we couldn’t finish the conversation and really nail down what were doing. I don’t want to push the other girl issue to far. I told him I wanted to continue the conversation about where we are headed again soon. I don’t want to waste my time if it’s headed nowhere or I am going to end up hurt or if he is leading me on. What should I say? How should this conversation go? Did I ruin my chances? PLEASE HELP.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 7, 2017 at 5:42 pm
why not ask to be exclusive?
Jemma S
May 31, 2017 at 5:56 pm
I guess I am nervous he won’t be honest about it since he tried to hide it from me last time and knows I wouldn’t be okay with it. (if they are more than just friends this time around) I am also angry that he has been leading me on to believe he wants to date me, only for me to find out there is someone else in the picture that he has feelings for. I feel confused. Why would he say he wants to try things with me again and then also be talking to someone else?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2017 at 4:34 pm
it would still be better to ask instead of assume.. if he lies, that means you’re right, he is leading you on..can be because he’s trying to gauage which one he has a safer chance with
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2017 at 5:05 pm
why not ask him about it?
Giulia
March 28, 2017 at 8:12 pm
Dear Amor
My ex boyfriend and I have a long history for a couple of years now.
We’ve been together for just a couple of months, more than two years ago, but we kept seeing each other and tried to just remain friends.. He broke up with me as I was going to move to another city a couple of hours away and he didn’t wanted to try a long distance. Eventually it took a while and I just moved a couple of months ago.
At this moment he’s having a new girlfriend: there together for a few months now, actually since I have moved. As I have read some articles on the website, I have implemented the strategy of ‘just being there’ and I guess it is working or at least a bit.
We talk and text a lot and I guess he is really enjoying our conversations, but something strage happened and I actually didn’t know how to respond. He told me that he had a dream about me and actually it was a really sexual dream about me. I found it kind of strange that he told me about this dream and actually really wanted to talk about it with me as he is having a girlfriend. So I ended the conversation, but later that day he texted me and really wanted to tell me about this dream. As I thought he was crossing a certain line, so I told him and he told me he was thinking about breaking up with his current girlfriend as he didn’t felt ‘it’ anymore. He hasn’t told me anything about his relation or anything about this since then, but can I ask him about it or am I crossing a certain line if I do?
English isn’t my first language so hopefully you’ll understand
Giulia
May 7, 2017 at 7:02 pm
That’s alright. I will do a 30 day at first and if it feels better to do a 45 day I will extend it.
But is the intention to start everything all over again by implemend all the strategies with texting and phone calls or is the intention to just implemend the being there strategy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2017 at 5:28 pm
approach it like a restart, that means it will be day 1 of building rapport again after nc..dont stop improving yourself while building rapport
Giulia
May 6, 2017 at 9:26 pm
Dear Amor
Thats alright, I knew I wasn’t the right time to do this.. I did it before but that was when I lived nearby and when he had asked me to come over. So I went by as a surprise back then and it worked great. But now I am getting really anxious about the whole situation. So I’m might doing stupid things and declining all my chances..
But that’s alright, I will do another nc. Yes I have recieved the other advice from Leia, but that was before I went to see him.
But I understand I will start all over again. She suggested a 30 day, is that also what you would suggest? Or do you think it might be better to do a shorter or longer Nc?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 7, 2017 at 3:12 pm
For me, yeah, do 30 days.. take your time.. if you need it to go 45, that’s ok..
Giulia
May 5, 2017 at 6:22 pm
Dear Amor
I know I have asked for your advice a lot, but I am a bit confused richt now.
Last week I went to my former city where I visites him as a surprise. I can tell you he really liked to see me by the look in his eyes and how he reacted and everything.
Now I am back home and he’s acting distant again, which you explained to me, but I did also received some advice over the mail from the recovery team and you’re both giving me different advices.
You’re advising me to just be there but I did also receive some advise to do another no contact rule.
So which one is the best to do or should I try something in between?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 6, 2017 at 4:37 pm
was it leia? we can have different perspectives.. if she told you that after knowing that he became distant after you went there by surprise, that means we would have the same advice.. but if she did advice that before, you can choose which one you think is best.. But right, now, I would want you to do nc because you went there without enough rapport.. don’t rush things.. yeah, he was happy because he didn’t see you for a long time, but not because he really wanted to see you because he’s starting to get attracted again.
Giulia
April 20, 2017 at 7:25 pm
Dear Amor,
I am trying to just be there, but as he has told me he suddenly feels fine for now with his girlfriend: he is acting really distant to me. He doesn’t ignore me, but he is always keeping our conversations short, says he’s busy and I feel like he isn’t engaged in our conversations or anything with me anymore. Is there anything I can do for now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2017 at 3:50 pm
that’s normal… that’s why you just have to keep doing what you’re doing while improving yourself too because he needs to see you’re the better option over time
Giulia
April 7, 2017 at 9:15 am
Today he told me about his current situation with his girlfriend and he said he felt fine and everything’s alright betweend them.. Do you have any advice for me to do? Is this just a matter of time and should I wait and act like I do now in our conversations? Or should I do something else or do a new period of NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2017 at 5:23 pm
just continue being there and building rapport
Giulia
April 1, 2017 at 4:03 pm
If he doesn’t mention anything, when will be right to ask him about it?
In a week or in two weeks? Or only if he mentions anything in the conversation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2017 at 7:01 am
let a week pass first.. so that you’ve given him enough time before asking that yourself
Giulia
March 29, 2017 at 9:06 pm
Thank you for the advice.
Yes I have done the no contact period for 31 days, a few months ago when I moved to the other city.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 30, 2017 at 4:21 pm
ok.. just dont ask for now..keep building rapport
Giulia
March 29, 2017 at 1:16 pm
2,5 to 3 weeks ago. Between then and now they were on a holiday for a week and I guess he didn’t wanted to break up with her just a few days before their week off and ruin everything..
I haven’t texted or talked with him during their week off.
So it is better if I don’t ask him anything about his current situation and thaughts with/about his girlfriend?
Or can I ask it, but not explicity, just if it comes up during our conversations in some way?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 29, 2017 at 3:18 pm
don’t ask for now.. have you done the no contact period?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 29, 2017 at 12:46 pm
Hi Giulia,
when was that conversation? For now, let him be..