The Guide On What To Do On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

366 thoughts on “What To Do On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”

Sasha

December 18, 2013 at 3:29 pm

Hi Chris.

Me and my ex works in the same company and for some time we worked in the same departement. He changed department since that was the right thing to do for both us and hos career. I have only taken contact with him the last couple of weeks when i is regarding work. His department is sitting in our main office and my (his old) is in an other place (15-20 min away from our main office) Yesterday i contacted him to ask a question regarding a project we was working on together before he changed department. In the end of that conversation i told him that i was coming to the main office in two days (this was yesterday) becasue of a meeting. He said we should meet and take a coffee and i said i had thought about asking if he would meet me for a coffee or somthing on sunday and he said that we (also) can meet up on sunday. My question is;
When we meet tomorrow should i ask him questions regarding work and stuff to make him feel good about himself (he is very good in his job) our should i just talk about something else???
We made a very good team when we worked together, it’s the place the meet and bonded. And in some way i already “got” my second date since we are going to meet up on sunday as well. Is it so that i should just look very good and not to sexy?
On sunday we agreed on coffee, but I been thinking about maybe ask if we would like to go for a walk with me and my dog that i knows he really likes (he loves animales, and he has always said that he loves to see me interact with animales, i love them to!)
Last question. When i meet him, should i put on something that i already knows he likes (something he has said when we was together that he thought i looked really good in) or something new he has not seen before?
It’s 3 weeks since we brok up and 2,5 since i saw him last.

Hope you can answer me as quick as possible!
Thanks!
Alisha

December 17, 2013 at 10:40 am

Will it be possible to reach you by email?

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Yes but I don’t really reply unless it is support related for the E-Book. I needed to give myself some more time for my personal life.

martha

December 15, 2013 at 9:36 am

Hi chris, i bought your ebook but there isn’t a section in there that talks about what to do when on a date with ex. So here is my scenario. My ex left me a month ago and we have only been in contact for financial issues only as he still owes me money. So stupidly i asked for a xmas gift and we are to meet this sat for dinner. We have been on and off for 3 years now and so we are both very familiar with this type of last dates we go on. So i know he thinks this will be our last date and that’s why agree to come out. So here are my questions.
1. Should i get him a gift but he told me not to spend money. Because all these years i spent a lot on him while he can’t afford anything for me.
2. How can i change this from being the last date to a beginning of new dates again?
3. I haven’t been in nc this time around because of money issue. but we did nc many times already. Would u suggest me to go on nc after this sat?
4. In general. What should i do on the date? What things to talk about? Now it’s just dinner. Should i ask to go have a drink as well? He suddenly took off a month ago after we got in big fight and i said many nasty things to him. He then moved out and changed his number to avoid me.

Please let me know if i missed something in the download of the pro version as i don’t see this section there.
Thanks

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:44 pm

1. I don’t think so.
2. Just focus on having a fun time and create a good experience.
2. Only if things don’t go well.. but they will go well.
4. Go for a walk! Experience things.
martha

December 16, 2013 at 1:32 am

I’m not sure how things will go well as we are still not really on talking terms. As obviously this will be our last date again and i think that’s why he’s agreed to come out and meet. So Chris please help me on what and how to say let’s start over?
Also would it be a good idea for him to come over to my house afterwards?
admin

December 16, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Honestly I think you should just focus on having fun and not worry about labeling things.
martha

December 17, 2013 at 3:36 am

Thanks Chris. I will try my best to have fun. But do you have the section in the pro version that talks about what to do on a date? As i bought and don’t see it. Thanks!
admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:55 pm

No I didn’t cover that too much that is why I created this guide but in the future I will write more about this.
martha

December 23, 2013 at 3:55 am

Thanks Chris. Updates on my situation. Couple days before from our meet up. We have been having good phone calls and whatsapp. My ex and I saw each other on last Sat and exchanged our xmas gift. We ended up having dinner at my home and he spent the night. I told him I don’t like how we are like this every time after breakup. Meet up and have sex makes me feel cheap. So i asked if we can start dating again but to see each other less. He said ok then. But then last night when we talked on the phone and I asked him to come out for lunch for xmas and then he refused and said that’s seeing too often. He also said he doesn’t want to see so much or even to be contacted so frequent. He said he’s not ready to be involved again and don’t know when he will be. He said he’s happy on his own. (Which is b.s. Because he has a family to go back to) he also said since he doesn’t know if he can ever be back with me again and said he doesn’t want to waste my time. So finally I had to settled with just seeing a bit on xmas day and he promised to spend new years with me and then we will start none to minimal contact. I’m very hurt as things seems worse because of us sleeping together and he is now treating me worse than that happened. Now I have couple more questions.
1. Should I just move on?
2. If I do want to continue to get him back what’s my next step?
3. Should I even still continue to see him on xmas and new years or go straight to no contact now.
Thanks again Chris. And merry xmas to you!
admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:17 pm

1. Only if you want to.
2. I think hooking him into meaningful conversations is important after NC

Katy

December 12, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Hey Chris, Katy again, updating you on the ‘kinda date’ last night.

We had such a good time, and my kids were so happy to have us together.. But I want a REAL date with him…the kind where he asks me out… Hell. I just want him to text me first for once.

Even though we had a good time, he was texting another girl (another ex, in fact) while we were there. When I teased him about it a little bit and he didn’t get the hint, I sent him a text saying ‘Isn’t the girl who is here better than the one who isn’t?’ and he sent back ‘lol true’ and then it was better… But… I just am so anxious that he’s texting old girlfriends besides me.

I think I’m ready to try this PRO thing… but I don’t want to commit the money unless you think I have a chance.

My kids were so happy last night…I was so happy last night. I’d do anything to keep that.

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Well, its kind of a tough situation you put me in… because it’s my book so of course I want you to purchase it hahaha. If you email me at [email protected] I can give you a discount though.

Vivian

December 7, 2013 at 3:27 am

Hi Chris,

I know we aren’t supposed to force or pressure the ex when we finally start dating again. My question is…when can we have that talk with the ex about where it’s going? After how many dates or months can we make it final? I’m afraid to bring anything up because I don’t want to scare him off but I also don’t want to be stringed along. What do you think?

Thanks!

admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm

Usually you can do that on the second or third date or if the time feels right. Its a “feeling” type of thing.

Linda

December 4, 2013 at 12:12 pm

Hi Chris,

thanks for your article I should have read it before. I’ll tell you about my situation and would be happy to know what you think about it. I had 5-years realationship, we split up 10 months ago. Ahter 2 months he started to date another girl (evidently rebound). All the time he kept contact with me, I think he wasn’t very happy in his new relationship. A few weeks ago we started to chat regularly, he wrote me very nice things, he flattered and flirt with me, sometimes it was really hot. He broke up with the new girl and visited me two days ago. And this is what confuses me. In fact he didn’t show much interest in me, he behave like “just a friend”.After reading this post I realize I pushed too much and expressed too much interest, but I thought he felt it in the same way. I wanted to know what the problem was. He told me that I was attractive for him but was confused about his feelings and didn’t want to abuse the situation. Why does he behave differently when he chats with me virtually? Do you have any experience with it? We should meet again at the weekend, what do you recommend? To show minimum of interest (push/pull theory)? Thanks.

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:14 am

How does he behave differently virtually? Like in person he is all good but virtually not so much?
Linda

December 5, 2013 at 8:59 am

Hi, no, virtually he shows quite a lot of interest, he still asks how I’m, what’s new in my life, he writes compliments (e.g. I’d be excited to lie close to such a pretty girl like you…), or that he thought about me a lot at the weekend. He is the one who mostly innitiates contact. He came on Monday and we saw each other after several months (we only chatted during that time). I can’t say he behave arrogantly but I expected more interest, he didn’t touch me at all, he didn’t want to go for dinner when I suggested it. I made a mistake, I kissed him and and showed to much interest and wanted to sort it out (beacuse I felt confused). I understand he is not prepared to start relationship now, but why this behaviour in virtual world? Can you explain it from man’s point of you? We’re supposed to meet at the weekend for dinner, so how to behave? I guess to be keep distance and be more self-confident. Any other advice will help. Thanks a lot.
admin

December 5, 2013 at 7:03 pm

Yes! Become the ungettable girl. Do you know what that is?
Linda

December 5, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Yeah, I’ve read about it in your guide some months ago, I’ll look at it again.
I’ve one more question for you Chris. He keeps asking what’s new in my life, if something special hapenned even though we chat very often. When I told him I had dated somebody for a short time, he seemed to be a bit sad and suprised. I asked him directly: Would you be unhappy if I started to date someone else seriously? He asnwered: I wouldn’t have good feeling about it, but If you were happy I would accept it. This sounds for me like “I don’t care so much…” maybe in a light way. When a man says something like this, do you think he really means it? He never shows any evident signs of jelaousy. Thanks a lot for your help.
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:31 pm

That is just the politically correct answer. I would say this totally not meaning it (I would be upset) but I wouldn’t want you to know I was b/c its not right to seem upset if that makes sense.

Clarissa

December 2, 2013 at 11:51 am

Okay. Here’s my ordeal! I was with this guy for three years. Of that three years we were in a long distance relationship for one and a half years. When he broke up with me it completely blindsided me. At first I acted like Bella Swan from those dumb twilight movies. Then I decided I needed to get over it and left him alone. We didn’t talk for three months then on his birthday I just wished him a happy birthday as a friend and to be nice. When the breakup first happened we concluded that we would still try to be friends but it would take some time. Ever since, we text maybe once a month. It’s been seven months since the breakup.

My birthday just passed a few days ago and he sent me this long heartfelt text message about how I changed his life for the better and how he can’t wait to see me again over Christmas (he promised that when he comes to visit family we would meet up for a date. ) and I thanked him and he said you’re welcome and that was it. I didn’t respond. The next day he text me asking how my birthday was. I’m totally confused. Why the sudden interest???

As much as I want him back I don’t think now is ideal. So if he does say something about getting back together I kinda already know what I’m going to say but I am afraid I’ll slip up.

Why the sudden interest from him? And if I tell him no could I possibly be losing my one and only chance?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Maybe he is using it as a way to talk to you or maybe he was just trying to be nice.
Clarissa

December 3, 2013 at 9:58 am

Okay. So what is your opinion or thoughts on long distance relationships?
admin

December 3, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Personally?

I think they can work but only if there is a greater plan to wind up together in the future.

For me, it would take an amazing woman for me to go into a LDR. But I think I would do it for an amazing girl that was on the same page with me.
Clarissa

December 4, 2013 at 9:02 am

What about those ever so infamous “mama’s boy” boys? Do you think the NC rule could work on them even though a helicopter parent is hovering over their lives?
admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:10 am

Yes it can work.
Clarissa

December 18, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Alright. So it’s been about two and a half weeks since my birthday and my ex text me bringing up past memories and how he misses the past. And once again brings up going out when he comes to visit. Could it be that he’s missing me? Thinking about me or once again just being nice?
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:02 pm

It looks that way.

Reshy

December 1, 2013 at 8:40 pm

Hi Chris!
So I love reading your posts, and honestly they have helped me go through the process of my breakup. We broke up exactly six months ago and i did the NC rule too. But we also kept in contact here and there. It came to a point also where he would hit me up whenever he wants and ignore me whenever he wants. So I kind of let everything go. But we actually met up. We saw each other after so long. We had coffee and we talked about how everything is going in our lives. It came to a point where he admitted that he pranked called me. And it was so funny because when I got the prank call, I would never have thought it was him. I thought I would be the one giving him prank calls which i never did btw. So after that he took me to the train station and dropped me off. The way he acted to make sure i got home seemed like he really cared. Anyways after that he did not text me nor did I text him. I was kind of waiting on him. But he didnt. So the other day his family invited us for dinner. He heard we came over so he texted me when he was at work. And towards the end i saw him. He came from work and we saw eachother but we didnt talk. And it was stupid because we were texting. But we did have some contact about charging our phones. And thats about it. I texted him bye and all he said was “hmmm ok”. So yeah, thats about it. Im not sure how I feel about him anymore. I just want things to be well between us. But one thing that still hurts me is that he has not said sorry yet or even felt bad for hurting me . Im not sure if he doesnt feel that way or if he’s hesitating to admit how he feels. Should I just go for the NC and see what he does?
Btw when we met up, he was acting all awkward at the beginning but then he started to act normal and started talking and smiling. And after so long i i felt like he cared. He also asked more questions than me lol. But I also tried to engaged into the conversation. I really dont know how he feels or how things will go from now on. Im pretty much confused here. Help!

admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Well try to get another meet up!
Reshy

December 3, 2013 at 12:37 am

Well how should I do that? Should I ask him again because thats what I did the first time and he finally agreed after six months. And if I have to, im kind of scared. How should I approach to him again?
admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Yes but kind of butter him up first. Test him to make sure youll get a yes.
Reshy

December 3, 2013 at 9:39 pm

Okay, I’ll give it a shot and try not to chicken out lol. But in your opinion what do you think is going on in his head. As a guy can you see what he might feel or what he just wants. I personally can expect the unexpected from him.
admin

December 5, 2013 at 12:47 am

It is really hard to say.. I wish I knew him better I just need more information about him to figure that out and even then I can’t be certain.

karen

December 1, 2013 at 3:14 pm

After the deed he was still affectionate and I acted like nothing happened, because I was so afraid i’d mess up even more. He kept on hugging and kissing me and he was reminding me how we used to be. He acted very sweet and he was emotional. 🙁
karen

December 1, 2013 at 3:02 pm

Chris,
On my 42nd day of nc my ex asked me out for dinner. After, we went to his apartment then he began to get emotional. He started crying hugging and telling how much he missed me. Then it happened.I slept with him on the first date! What should be my next move? 🙁

admin

December 1, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Well, I hope to god you get a second date b/c that is what its all about now.
karen

December 3, 2013 at 7:44 am

What should I do now chris. ;(
karen

December 6, 2013 at 7:32 am

Chris, I disappeared on him after that. And just last night he asked for another date. I know that he’s rebounding but he’s denying the girl to everybody. Should we talk about the past relationship or the girl? I want to clarify things.how should be my approach?
admin

December 6, 2013 at 8:01 pm

I think you should if the time seems right and it won’t casue an argument.

Anna

November 29, 2013 at 7:53 am

hi, finished NC and been texting with ex.

accidentally we had sexual conversation (sexting)

now he wants to come over for the movie.

I really want to work this relationship out with him.

I know I can’t have sex with him.

But how do I say no having sex to him?

like I don’t want to be awkward. Help!!!!!!

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:24 am

Just say we aren’t having sex until you commit. The sexting was not good though.
Anna

November 30, 2013 at 6:26 am

:(((
I know.. I regret about that texting..

I texted him lets go out to the movies instead and he said he wanted to stay in because he will be tired after work. So I told him let’s hang out another time when u r not tired.
N he said sounds good.

I am going to visit him at his work tomorrow for coffee..

What should I do now? Go back to NC?

I feel like all messed up now :/
admin

November 30, 2013 at 7:05 pm

For now I think thats the best option.

M

November 24, 2013 at 9:49 pm

Hi!!
This is my stoy, I was with a guy for almost two year, but he never asked me to be his girlfriend, so I don´t know what our relationship was. As I said we were together almost 2 years, going out, spending time at his place, having so much fun all the time, everything was good until I realized he liked another girl..I saw a picture of him and the girl on FB.. I asked him: Do you like another girl? and he told me I don´t know… ( just to let you know this girl lives in a different country and I think he met her when he traveled to that country… )
then I decided to go away from him, since he really liked that girl, I assume it because he posted something about love on his FB and of course it wasn´t for me..
I deleted him and blocked from facebook and I didn´t contact him again…after around two months he texted me asking how was my summer going? what was new in my life? etc.. I did replay: everything is very good, I have a lot of things going on.. and I think he got kind of upset with my text.. then around 2 weeks later he texted me asking me out.. but I said, I´m sorry I can´t go out today.. and he didn´t insisted… then after two months I unblocked him on FB but I didn´t add him to be friends.. I just sent him an inbox on facebook: Hi “name” I was wondering how are you doing? he reply so fast, and we started a conversation, he was asking me questions about my future.., If I was going back to my country etc… then the next week I sent him another in box asking him if he saw the picture I texted him (on the phone).. he told me no I did´t. he sent me his phone number, so I can text him the picture, then he asked me
him: what are you doing today?
me:Im going to zumba and to church, and you?
him: going to play hokey,
me: Good!! I will text you later then..
him: have good time in church.
since I didn´t texted him, later I saw an inbox from him on FB, we started a conversation again..
then after 4 days he texted me again:
him:what are you doing?
me:I just got home and you?
him: I´m in bed, was thinking of you
me: yes, what did you think?
he didn´t reply until the morning
him: sorry I pass out yesterday.
me: Okey.
him: what are you doing today?
me: i´m going to zumba class and you?
him: I´m coaching and that´s it
him again: I miss you but I´m very scared to get in serious relationship
me: I understand
him: would you like to met?
me: when?
him: tonight
me: ok
him: I´ll finish at 5 I´ll text you.
then he picked me up ,we were talking about our lives, he was asking me about my future, if I was going back to my country, or if I want to stay here.. he held my hand, he pat my thigh..
we went to eat dinner and a bar.. he asked me if I was working the next day..I´m not sure yet..
after we left the bar I realized he was driving to his place,
me:where are we going?
him: to my place,
me: why? what are we going to do?
Him: I would like you to stay, but I don´t want to push you, do you want to go to the movies then?
me: I dont think is a good idea for me to stay, you have a girlfriend
him: I don´t know what I have, I don´t want to talk about it.
me: I´m just saying, I´m not asking
after we headed to the movies..
he was joking with me about the cold weather, when we were walking he held my hand, and he was tickling me,
after the movie was over, it was too late,
me: Ohh I´m so sleepy,
him; me too, you can stay at my place, because I´m sleepy,
me: but where am I going to sleep?
Him: on my bed, is a big bed
I didnt say anything,
he drove to his place
he got on bed on one side and I got the other side.
then he huge me, I didn´t avoid the hug but I didn´t let him think I was going thave sex with him, he just huged me and that´s it. all night he was trying me to hug me, he held my hand .. We didn´t have sex but I think he wanted it , we didn´t even touch each other, even though at some point he tried to pet my back, but pretended to be sleeping…. I felt extrange being there like if we were extangers.. but I knew it was not good to have sex with him..
in the morning he woke up early to go to coach, he told me I will be back at 10 am and I will drive you home. he drove me home, he asked me what was my plan for the day, I told him I might go to work.
when we arrived to my place I told him it was nice to see you, he told me the same..
he pat on my thigh and wink his eye, I said bye, thank you for driving me. but he didn´t ask me to met againg.
Do you think he is playing with me, because of course he likes a girl in another country, but when he is here,does he wants to have someone else?

What should I do now, wait and see if he text me during the next weeks?
Why does he acts like this? why did he say “I don´t know what I have” when I told him it was not good to sleep with him because he has a girfriend?
was it bad that I stayed at his place without sex?

admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:32 pm

I would say yes, wait and see if he texts you during the next few weeks.

No it wasn’t bad. You would be in FWB territory if you had.
M

November 25, 2013 at 11:57 pm

than you for your reply!!

so he texted me today asking me for the address of a mall wich is close to my place, because he wants to go for shopping..
after he texted me saying I found it :)thanks

that means that he doesn´t care ?.. trying to show me that he came to the mall wich is just 3 minuts away from my place but not asking to meet?
what do you think Chris?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:26 pm

I think he is just trying to make you upset to be quite honest.

rach

November 22, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Ok, so things have been going really well but I had become a little nervous because practically every time we talked sex has come up. The reason that makes me nervous is because I don’t want it to seem as though I’m looking for a hook up and that’s it. Now we used to talk like that constantly when we were together, but yesterday we were joking about it back and forth. Since the conversation was light hearted and flirty I decided to say that he would have to work to get my pants back off like he did when we first got together. He asked what I meant and I answered him by saying we had talked for months and then were seeing each other for a month before we did anything. (We literally hadn’t even so much as held hands before we said I love you to one another. Something we were both proud of.) Anyway, I didn’t say it in a mean way, more like a flirty challenge and it really fell inTo place with the context of our conversation. His response was “oh ok I gotcha I understand” and we stopped talking there. I honestly believe that is something he would respect and not find offensive, but I could be wrong. Now I’m kinda sitting back and waiting to see what happens. Do you think I blew it by saying that and if so what do I do to try to overcome that?

rach

November 22, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Oh yea! I’ve been done with that. i had followed all of your steps in the e book and everything has been really positive. I just didn’t want to give an impression of looking for a hook up. Especially since I was going to try to see him this weekend.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Well just don’t sleep with him. Make it clear that the only way you will is if he commits again (but don’t say it like that to his face haha.)
admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:22 pm

Have you done NC yet?

Caitlin

November 21, 2013 at 6:55 am

My god this is the best thing that has ever happened! I’m so glad I found this. I was overwhelmed with anxiety a few hours ago because my trial date is tomorrow, and the outcome doesn’t look well, but this has cheered me up and given me hope again.

I do have a few questions though. I got into an argument asking my ex to think of this date positively, because his mindset is that he is going to take me out, but that he most likely will say no to going out on a second date because the things I had done to him had been embedded in his mind. He kept saying what I shouldn’t do if he says no, like freak out, cry, cause drama amongst our friends etc…

I do admit that it was a mistake to confront him and ask him to think of it positively, as that only lead to him saying so many negative things about our relationship and getting angrier and angrier. I had my best friend who is also really good friends with my ex chat him and see how he is feeling about the date, and he told her that his mind isn’t really very open and he’s not going into it thinking he’s going to get a second date.

Basically, have I just tanked my chances after waiting for so long for this date, or is there something I can do to fix it?

And if there isn’t, and I’m destined to be forced to move on, do you have any suggestions for what to do if my ex and I have literally all the same friends? I won’t know how to handle myself around him because I will be forced to see him at hangouts or forced to be in solitude.

Once again, thank you for this website. It really is so great to read it. And I’m sorry for writing so much.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:41 pm

No you haven’t tanked but just kind of avoid “controversial” topics.

Try to make this date super low pressure. Just have fun its as simple as that.
Caitlin

November 21, 2013 at 6:57 am

I was asking about the no contact rule when I said that we have literally all the same friends. It kind of messes up the whole no contact rule because of it.

HotLilTeacher

November 19, 2013 at 4:18 am

Hi Chris.

So we have been on two dates. One I didn’t realize it was a date as I explained earlier and then he asked me to hang out this weekend too. Even though he was feeling crappy after a night of hanging with the boys. He called me and texted me to see if I wanted to go out. I agreed. it was nice. Not so touchy feely but fun.

I’m not sure what kind of vibe I am getting though. And I don’t want to read into it too much. He said something about living in the moment so I definitely don’t want to put any pressure on him.

What do you recommend after the 2nd date?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Hmmm good question. I would say try to progress things further both physically and emotionally but don’t sleep with him or even go to third base.
HotLilTeacher

November 22, 2013 at 5:49 am

It had been 4 days since our 2nd date. He hadn’t texted or called which is odd because he normally has been testing or callin every other day. I haven’t made contact trying to get him to chase me. He called today, kinda short, no hello, how are you, nothing. “Sorry I have been meaning to call you all week? Do you have my sunglasses?”

Huh? That’s it? He wanted to pick them up at my work. I said no not at work but you can pick them up at my house. Work? Really? I asked him why he had been so short, he said he was at the gym. Ok. Valid. I mentioned that I hadn’t heard from him so it was nice to hear from him today. He said, yeah sorry I’ve been forgetting to get a hold of you. Ouch.

What the heck was this cold turn of events?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:50 pm

He is just nervous. He is having second thoughts about it in his head. Thats what I think.

HotLilTeacher

November 14, 2013 at 3:12 am

Ugh. this is all so confusing.

We went from “I miss you” “I miss you too” and then about a week later we slept together. Dumb I know. I told him that will not happen again because that’s not what I wanted and I deserved more than being a sex buddy. He understood. or did he?…

Ok, so we had a very long discussion on Saturday. It was almost like a closure conversation. He initiated talk of the past relationship. I asked him why he was bringing this up, we already broke up. I get it. I think maybe he was making sure I understood he does not want a relationship.

We had already had the “Can we be friends?” talk before he invited me over after the “I miss you”. We agreed, platonic friends. I felt good about the conversation. I figured maybe we won’t work out but it would be cool to be friends.

So I tested the platonic friends theory. He invited me for a friendly meal. I turned him down at first. And then thought, well I am going to be in that area why not. OH THAT WAS NOT PLATONIC! There was a vibe all day. He acted like we were dating. Touching, flirting, “I can’t believe how well we get along”.

I cut the un-date short and I could tell he was disappointed. there was no kissing but there was a hug. Not a passionate one, but a hug. He had been touching me all night though.

A guy friend told me he is just buttering me up. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too – keeping the window open.

What the heck is he doing? I tend to agree with my friend. He doesn’t want the relationship, he just wants the perks. Opinion? Advice?

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Yes your guy friend seems right. Seems like he is stringing you along now.

Don’t ever sleep with a guy unless he commits.
HotLilTeacher

November 15, 2013 at 5:48 am

Did I totally mess up? Is there anything I can do it fix this?
admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:23 pm

No not totally and right now all you can do is be patient.
HotLilTeacher

November 16, 2013 at 1:35 am

Oops, my questions was for the thread above this one. Sorry for the confusion.
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:39 pm

I am so confused hahaha.
j

November 14, 2013 at 11:49 pm

hey chris,
i was thinking that maybe you could write something about re-dating your ex? i mean i’m in some kinda of situation that i’m re-dating my ex, we slept together this monday and we’re going out tomorrow. he’s dating another girl but nothing serious, i’m dating another guy but same, nothing serious.

he said that he still has feelings for me and he still likes me, but i don’t think he wants a relationship right now cuz that’s what he told me when he told me about another girl that he’s dating right now. i’m fine with it cuz it feels just like our beging of the relationship–nothing too serious, dating. the only thing is that i want him back, and i think it might be a little bit different dating your ex.
just an advise:)
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Man… well, play it by ear I guess. Sometimes sleeping with someone can be a good thing to create a connection but in my experience.. it usually isn’t good for getting an ex back.
HotLilTeacher

November 14, 2013 at 10:25 pm

So that’s it?
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:49 pm

What’s it?
HotLilTeacher

November 15, 2013 at 7:23 pm

I meant is there a way to recover from this? I hope I didn’t mess it up beyond repair :/
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:17 pm

Yes there is but its going to take time and for most women thats the hardest thing to do.
HotLilTeacher

November 19, 2013 at 4:14 am

I’m ok with it taking some time, I just want to make sure I am doing everything I can to keep my dignity and try to rekindle this relationship.

j

November 6, 2013 at 10:42 pm

hi chris,
i met my ex last night and it was great, warm and sweet, we touched, hugged and even kissed. i dont know if he’s really interested in getting back together or he might just felt the attraction a lot. he didn’t write me today. what should i do next if i want him back? thanks

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Wait a few more days and then send him a text.
j

November 9, 2013 at 11:56 pm

well honestly i think i’ll lay back and see what happens next…i try to focus on myself and not thinking about it but at the same time worrying that he might just gone…i’m really trying hard to be in control of myself and i want to do that before get him back..anyway thanks a lot:)
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:40 pm

I think you should trust your gut so I am all for laying back and seeing what happens next.

Cecy

November 5, 2013 at 4:20 am

So I actually made it through all 30 days of NC! It was brutal and I came so close to breaking it many times but I pulled through. I’ve been focusing on work and school, changed up my hair color, been exercising like crazy, and going out with friends a lot. The good news is that this whole time my friends have been telling me about how my ex has been asking them about me and I’ve even gotten some texts from him (: I do have some questions / concerns about the texts though.

Just 8 days after NC, my ex texted me saying that he hoped I was doing great. Then some hours later at 2 AM he texted me saying “Honestly, I miss you!” I loved this at first but then figured out it was a drunk text when my friend told me she was talking to him at a party when he sent that, but that he was asking about me and told her that he still loved and cared about me. Even though he was drunk, that’s still a good thing, right? lol

About a week ago he sent this text – “You were right. We were best friends. I’m realizing you were the one I did/could text everyday and I miss us being friends and talking. I know you’re prob doing great and enjoying yourself and that’s all that matters!” By this time I had already made it to 30 days so I figured now would be an ok time to try out one of the ‘first texts’ haha. So I replied with “I was actually looking thru my pics today and saw the one I tried to sneak of you but the flash went off and you spazzed out, always makes me laugh haha. It made me think of you for the first time in a while (: Hope you’re doing great!” And then this is how the rest of the convo went-

Him: “I’ve been thinking of you everyday but it looks like you’ve moved on from me already. Its good to hear you’re doing great and I hope you’re happy (: Well I’m sorry to bother you!”

Me: “You’re not bothering me, I’m out with a couple friends though so I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you!”

Him: “Oh well sorry. Have fun and hope your new man makes you happy! That’s all that matters.”

Me: “Lol okay David.”

Him: “Aren’t you talking to someone?”
“Nvm not my business. Sorry to bother again. Have fun. Night!”

Okay so, there is no new man lol. Guys have been hitting on me a lot but I haven’t given out my number and I haven’t gone out on any dates, just focusing on myself. I don’t know where this came from! Well I guess maybe I should have waited later but I did want to see him again soon and he kept saying how he missed me so a couple days later, this convo happened-

Me: “Hey we should get lunch sometime next week, got a lot to catch up on :p”

Him: “If they let you yea”

Me: “They?”

Him: “Heard you were talking to someone”

Me: “You heard wrong lol”

Him: “Sorry”

Me: “It’s nbd, you’d deserve to know if I was.”
“But yeah, don’t need anyone’s permission to see you <3 lol so just hmu whenever you have time and we'll figure something out :)"

Him: "I'll check to see when I'm off or out early"
"I'm out at five tomorrow"

Me: "I can't this weekend, when's your next day off?"

Him: "Idk I forgot. Honestly I miss you and wanna chill but if you're really busy, it's cool."

Me: "It's just that someone's coming over at 7 & I want to be able to chill with you instead of feeling like we're in a rush. I'm free Sunday but I don't want to interrupt fball haha."

Him: "My bad didn't know you had plans. Another day then. Have fun."

Me: "Yeah, sometime next week should be fine! Find out your next day off and we'll hang then (:"

Him: "Ok have fun with your plans."

Me: "Have a nice weekend!"

Him: "You too!"
"Not trying to sound like a dick, I'm sorry"

Me: "I don't think you sound like a dick lol"

Him: "I thought I did."

Me: "I want to see you too, if I even could right now then I would, it's cold and it'd be nice to curl up next to you lol"

Okay, so that last text was the worst, I know! lol. I felt bad because it seemed like he was disappointed that I was putting someone before him so I was trying to make him feel better and wanted and I guess I ended up sounding pathetic -_- The /best/ part is that he of course didn't reply after that text, so I lost control and sounded desperate at the same time, ughhh.

The next day was Saturday, and I was going out to a club that night with a bunch of my girl friends. One of them told me that day that he was asking her at work about us going that night and asking about me again. He then posted on his FB that night that he was going to play beer pong with friends (I don't have a FB but apparently he's been posting a lot of statuses about going out and drinking, if that matters any?) and then my friends posted pics of me with them at the club that night.

At 3 AM, I get a text from him that says "How was your party?" and then about a minute or two later he sends another text saying "Sorry wrong number."

Ummm …. this hurt lol. I don't even really know why it did, but it did. I got annoyed for a second and nearly sent back "Maybe you should delete my number and then you wouldn't have that problem" but came to my senses surprisingly fast for a drunk girl lol. A part of me thinks this wasn't a mistake, but then another part says hey, people do send wrong texts, maybe that really did happen. I never replied though and now it's been almost 2 days since we've texted.

The same friend told me that at the time that he sent that text, she had just posted the pics of us at the club on FB and he sent her a message asking how it was that night. I told her about him sending me the 'wrong number' text and she said that he was just being an ass and she didn't know what his problem was, that he was acting all tough but he was asking how our night was and what happened.

I'm just soooooo confused! He said that he misses me and he wants to hang out and he misses us talking, and as soon as I try to be friendly, he acts like this. He hasn't tried texting me again, I know it's only been a couple days but still. I want to ask him out for drinks after work but I already suggested that we get lunch this week and still haven't decided on a date for that, do you think he's not gonna try now that I turned him down on Saturday? I guess I just have a lot of questions. What all did I do wrong here? How can I fix it? Should I send him a text or wait for him to text me again? What should my next text even be? If we do go on a date, I know I should treat it as 'casual and friendly', so should I suggest that we just meet there instead of him picking me up and then I should try to pay for myself?

I'm sorry, I know this has to be the longest post ever and there's so many questions but I just want to be as thorough as possible :p please help!!

admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Nope not even close to the longest post! I once had someone send 4,000 words over. THAT was impressive.

Have you ever heard of the push/pull theory?
Cecy

November 6, 2013 at 2:02 pm

Yeah I was being the pusher for a while and it was working and then I pulled a little bit and it backfired :/ So I should just wait for him to text me again? No matter how long it takes?
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:44 pm

yes and no. Wait but after a week or two you can reach out if he doesn’t
Cecy

November 6, 2013 at 7:03 pm

okay and if I do end up having to wait a week or two, what should I text him?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:15 pm

You want to text him the way this website says you should. Or the E-Book obbviously.

mojojo

November 4, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hi C, wow,… thanks God i found ur web. It helps me a lot how wrong i was before and when i use ur NC rules in 21 days he contact me …

well but the situation is he is not my bf,.. but obviously both of us is attracted each other a lot… we decided become friends with benefit after out on 2nd date. but then we knew both of us can’t handle become BwF no longer cus the feeling was too big, great sex, and he said he had the best sex in his life (which is i wasn’t an expert at all at sex cus it was my 1st sex experiences and we date 2nd time and had a lot sex, even too many sex every time we met),.. and we agree both of us is fall for each other…and he liked me cus my attitude and my character (was totally a pusher before). but then my bad i started act crazy like texting / call him a lot which is i understand from ur blog how that scared him a lot, well its because he didn’t live at the same city with me…and i was missing him and yes it made me look desperate ha! *embarrassing

He was planning to see me before he travelling to UK but because i acted “crazy” which is i realised that was really a big turn off and act really like a puller. … and we stop talking for 21 days and when i realised he stop talk with me i found ur blog so i follow his NC game… even tho i was really sad and thought he’s jerk did that to me. but then wow on the 22 days he text me and asked me if he can call me and talked on phone with me and asking news bout me lately… and i tried my best sounds cool and calm…and it was made my day to see his msg. but then i kinda feel sad cus he told me That he not gonna visit me before he goes to UK but directly goes to UK from his city to singapore-uk…. and he said he will call me again before he left my country… and he did ring me again nicely and talk so sweet. and promised me he will comeback to jakarta before back to aussie

so.. i have couple days to give a shot doing ur tricks which is i really need help to understand what should i Do… really short time to make a memorable moment with him 🙁 that i’m not sure i will get 2nd date… *sigh* cus in ur article u said i have to get the 2nd date…

well he accidentally left his jeans at my house before …. and somehow he insist he will take it back by him self. Well i keep thinking he visit me just because he want to take his jeans. but he said thats not his reasons. but i don’t really trust him…

both of us is in adult age and actually i think both of us is ready to get married… i’m 27 he is 33…once i was afraid i will get pregnant and he was a little bit excited but still freak out too.. he said he will b responsible though if that happen and said our baby will look beautiful which is i take he was saying that only to make me calmer.

but we came from different country and he need to go back to his country for christmas… and he need to looking a new job… that he still not sure where will he get a new job, which is this one of the reason why he said no future for us… but i really want him i really wanna have a serious relationship with him which maybe can leads to more than that… cus both of us don’t want a long distance relationship, been there and didn’t want any LDR anymore. but we liked each other a lot can’t avoid the chemistry . but he pushed him self that we have no future. and i still think we actually have a future it just him avoiding it.

my question :

1. why he contact me and telling all the detail his travel schedule ? is that cus he is care bout me? or he still got feeling?

sex or no sex – well personally i prefer i shouldn’t give him sex… but i’m afraid i won’t see him again in future so i can’t hv last sex with this amazing man. or it will be worth it if i didn’t give him sex, but must be difficult cus in few days we will be stay in a room together or i should put him in a hotel and i back to my house every day…? will it be awkward later?

what should i do to make him to choose to stay or comeback here next year…. i only have couple days to be with him …

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Do not sleep with him. Trust me on this ok.
mojojo

November 9, 2013 at 7:44 am

alright, i wont sleep with him,.. so i better not stay in one room with him,…? or still stay at same room but no sex? u mean that will give “push” attitude from me right? or u mean he is not into me?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:58 am

Hahaha if you can do it stay in the same room but don’t sleep with him. That will really mess with his head.
mojojo

November 10, 2013 at 3:29 am

Yeahhh exactly from powerpuff girls hahahahaha wow so many people know tht crazy monkey…. I just love to hear that IDhaha

Uhhh I’d love to mess his head. For what he have done with me and made me crazy cus he did NC with me … And just contact me before he leave INdo.. And will contact me again when he will come to jkt before he back to aussie …. I really should mess his fuck head. He deserve it. And will use The ungetable girl rules! I’ve been cehcking around with my new male friends that I met online for asking them my rank only to get my confident if I rank 6-9. most of them said I’m 9 muahaha so I Got confident to mess his heart back. He get a problem with a wrong girl..

Ok, I can see I think why I choose that mojojo name hahahaha well u know, I heard that the pretty girls always the most insecures :p
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:52 pm

MOJOJOJO!

I remember watching that cartoon waiting for Dragon Ball Z to come on during Saturday mornings. Some days I wish I could jump in a time machine and go back.

Wow, a 9! Thats impressive. A 9 can definitely turn heads.

rach

November 4, 2013 at 1:30 am

After completing NC successfully he responded to my first contact message by saying “There are a lot of things that make me think of you!” I’m taking that as a positive response! Just wanted to let you and any other women like me who may have never heard from there ex during the NC period that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad. Also it took until the next morning for him to respond, so don’t freak out ladies if you don’t hear from him right away!

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:32 pm

That is an awesome response.

And I really wish you would YELL that all across this site so some women can get the idea.
rach

November 4, 2013 at 7:49 pm

Haha! I’ve read a lot of the responses and questions that women post on here and I have to admit you are an extremely patient man! I just have to sit there and wonder if they actually read what you wrote? I man do they really expect you to say oh no sweet heart, you’re the exception to the rule? When you said “patience really is a virtue” you were 100% right because that one aspect alone can make or break everything when trying to repair a relationship. Also, it helps to look at it as a game, it’s almost entertaining to sit back and strategize a game plan and see if he goes on the offensive or defensive. And then next thing you know, you’re in full press mode and that’s just awesome! (Little basketball jargon there.)
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:15 pm

…. finally someone understand my pain!

Its interesting when you talk about patience. I deal with this site every day so I have almost trained myself to be extra patient with women but most people don’t “train” the way I do so when I tell them that they have to be patient it doesn’t seem to click for them.

Except you, YOU understand!
mojojo

November 9, 2013 at 7:46 am

LOL ERMM i waas kinda afraid to give comment before cus its so tickling me not to asking him the same thing.. LOL THANKYOu for ur patient chris 🙂
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:59 am

No problem

MOJOJOJO

Is that seriously a powerpuff girls reference?

« Previous 1 … 4 5 6 7 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

366 thoughts on “What To Do On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”