Ever since the creation of this site there has been one strategy that it has been associated with it above all others.
Care to take a guess?
The “Ungettable Girl?”
Nope…
The “I have a confession… text?”
No..
Give up yet?
Ok, I will stop playing around with you.
It’s the no contact rule.
You know, that pesky little rule that forces you to ignore your ex boyfriend on purpose for a certain amount of time with the hope that he will miss you and you can be that much further along with your plans to win him back.
I must admit that while I get a lot of association with the no contact rule I am not the one who initially came up with the idea but if I ever do meet the person who came up with it I would shake their hand.
Why?
Because I have seen the power of the no contact rule (if it is implemented correctly) firsthand and it is POWERFUL!
In fact a wrote an awesome ebook about the topic and you should pick up a copy. It’s called, “The No Contact Rule Book”!
Now, does it work every single time?
No, but it’s incredible how many women have had great successes with it,
And these are just a small handful of the women who have gotten back in touch with me after they got their exes back (using NC.) I literally have HUNDREDS of stories just like this saved to my iMac.
(I thought it might be a little excessive to post all of them here.)
Anyways, I don’t think there is any doubt about the fact that the no contact rule does work when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back.
Of course, even I would be lying if I said it works 100% of the time.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat This Page Is About
I have this theory.
I think people learn more from failures than they do from successes.
Above I mentioned that the no contact rule doesn’t work 100% of the time.
Does it work for most women who successfully attempt it on their exes?
Usually.
However, what I want to focus on in this “complete guide” are the attempts that it doesn’t work for.
When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you always need to have a contingency plan.
For example, I can give you the best advice in the world and you can implement it to perfection but maybe your ex doesn’t react to it the way you were expecting and you are thinking “now what?”
Having a backup plan in case things don’t go your way is a very good idea (and something almost no one does.)
And then having a backup plan of your backup plan protects you from failure even more.
That is what this page is all about.
I want to take a situation,
Where the no contact rule doesn’t work on your ex boyfriend
And give you a back up plan.
This page is going to be very long because I am going to be tackling things in an in-depth manner (like always) but at the same time I am going to make sure that this page is going to be very easy to digest because what we are talking about here is very advanced stuff.
In other words, I got your back 😉 .
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
A Brief Introduction To The No Contact Rule
(If you are already pretty familiar with the no contact rule then you can skip this section and go to the next one.)
Since this whole guide revolves around the no contact rule I thought it would be a little strange if I just started talking about what to do if it doesn’t work without first explaining it to those of you who may be reading this that aren’t too familiar with what it is.
So, what is it?
What is this rule of no contact?
Put simply, the no contact rule is a period of time where you completely ignore your ex.
Click To Pick Up Your Copy of My eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizFor example, lets say that you and your ex boyfriend break up (and it’s a pretty nasty breakup.) Well, rather than doing what every other girl on this planet will do (which is begging for him back) you decide that it would be a great idea to ignore your ex for…. lets say 30 days.
That means that if your ex boyfriend were to call you, text you, Facebook message you or contact you in any other way, shape or form you would flat out ignore him.
Now, this “freeze out” only lasts for 30 days and then after that you are free to contact him. Of course, I have a specific way that I like to teach women to do that which is outlined in my book,
Now, the definition of the no contact rule above is pretty thin. It’s just a quick crash course or the bare minimum of what you need to know.
Luckily for you I have written about the no contact rule a lot on this site,
- What Is The No Contact Rule?
- The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
- How To Handle Every Situation During NC
Now that you have a brief idea of what the no contact rule is lets move on to talking about how we measure a failed no contact period.
What Constitutes A Failed No Contact Period?
It’s funny, I pulled out a piece of paper to write down the hundreds of things that constitute a failed no contact period and guess how many “constitutions” I ended up with?
A measly two…
Seriously, check it out,
Those were the only two things I could think of that constituted a failed no contact rule.
Now, maybe old age is starting to catch up to me (which at 25 would be kind of pathetic) but I can’t think of anything outside of those two reasons. If you can then please feel free to comment.
Luckily, the two reasons I gave above are all we need to really have an in-depth discussion.
Lets talk about them now.
Constitution One- Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Respond To You After The No Contact Rule
Pretty much the whole reason women get excited about the no contact rule is the fact that it has the power to potentially make their ex boyfriends miss them so much that they will want to come back to them on the spot once the period of time is up.
While it almost never works out that way (NEWFLASH you have to do more than just no contact to win your ex back) it can be very saddening when you don’t even receive a response from your ex after no contact.
Now, before I move on there is something that I feel entitled to cover.
Most women are under the impression that if their ex boyfriends do not message them during the no contact rule it means that NC is not working.
This is simply not true (as explained here.)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat really makes a no contact rule a failure is if your ex doesn’t even respond to you after it’s over.
Why is this a failure?
Because, in order for you to even have a chance to win your ex boyfriend back you have to communicate with him.
I mean, imagine that you were trying to win back the love of a concrete wall…
That is the situation you are in if your ex boyfriend doesn’t contact you after the no contact rule is complete.
There Is Some Good News Though
Your ex boyfriend not talking to you after the no contact rule is rare.
I recently went through the comments here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery and compiled a list of the first 20 women I could find who implemented the no contact rule on their exes.
Here were my findings,
- 11 of them had their exes contact them during the no contact period.
- 6 of them got in touch with their exes after the no contact rule was over.
- 3 of them had failed no contact periods where there ex didn’t respond at all.
That means that 17 out of 20 women had successful no contact periods while the other 3 women didn’t.
This means that there is an 85% chance that you will have a successful no contact rule in which your ex boyfriend gets back in touch with you.
Constitution Two- You Break The No Contact Rule Before It’s Up
Tsk… Tsk… Tsk…
I gave you ironclad instructions to NOT contact your ex under any circumstances (except the ones here) and you disobeyed my orders.
I am sorry to go all Mufasa on you but,
A woman breaking no contact early because she either misses her ex or he calls her during the no contact rule is without a doubt the most common mistake I see on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
In order for the no contact rule to be fully effective you have to wait 30 days.
You can’t do 14 days and then think to yourself,
“Ok, enough time has gone by I think I can get in touch with him now.”
I am sorry but the no contact rule doesn’t work that way.
Of course, I would have to say that without a doubt my most favorite situation is one where a woman messages me the following,
“Chris, I followed your no contact rule and I failed. He doesn’t want me back and he won’t even go on a date with me.”
My initial reaction upon reading this is,
“Darn, what can I do to help her?”
Of course, after further investigation I find out that she really didn’t do the no contact rule right as she broke it 3 days in after he messaged her on Facebook and she would sporadically break the no contact rule throughout the 30 days.
You see, this woman was under the impression that the no contact rule meant that she could respond to him only if he contacted her first.
Umm… no… just no…
The no contact has to be continuous.
There can be no interruptions save for a few special circumstances which I talk about in my book,
Why does it have to be continuous?
Lets take a look at the graphic below for clarity,
This is how a perfect no contact rule timeline should look.
Notice how the NC period starts on the left of the line and then as time goes by it ends on the right of the line.
This uninterrupted no contact rule gives your ex boyfriend plenty of time to miss you and reminisce about your relationship (which you want to happen.)
Ok, now lets take a look at a no contact rule with a lot of interruptions,
The little bubbles in the line above serve as interruptions to the no contact rule.
They are all the times that you broke the no contact rule prematurely.
Why is this such a mistake?
Because, instead of giving your ex boyfriend time to reminisce and miss you, you are signifying to him with your actions (of interrupting NC) that you are still into him and as a result he isn’t going to respond the way you want him to after the no contact rule.
All it takes is one little interruption for this to happen.
One little slip up where you respond to a text message he sends.
The point I am trying to get at here is you have to be disciplined when it comes to the no contact rule.
Of course, I created this page for women who are in a worst case scenario situation in which the no contact rule doesn’t work.
So, lets move on to the exciting part of this article, figuring out what to do if things aren’t going your way after the no contact rule.
What To Do If The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work
This is where things start to get fun.
Lets assume that you are in a worst case scenario where your no contact rule has just failed.
At day 10 you broke the no contact rule to respond to your exes text message.
At day 13 you ended up talking to your ex on the phone after he called you.
Then at day 31 (the day after day 30) you send a text message to your ex boyfriend and he doesn’t respond.
“Darn..” you think to yourself.
“Maybe he was just busy.”
You try him again a few days later.
Still no response.
“What the heck is going on?” you wonder.
“Ok, I am going to try one last time and then that’s it.”
Nope he still hasn’t responded.
It appears that the no contact rule has failed.
For many women this is the worst scenario that they could face.
So, if you are in this situation what are you supposed to do?
Well, that is what this section is all about.
Luckily for you I have come up with 5 strategies on how to approach a failed no contact rule.
Lets start with strategy one.
Strategy One – Restart Your No Contact Period (With A Staggered Approach)
If you go back and read my original thoughts that I had on the no contact rule years ago here what do I recommend that you do if you mess it up?
Mess It Up= breaking it prematurely by messaging your ex boyfriend in any way shape or form outside of the allowed instances.
If you mess up on the no contact rule you have to start over from square one…
What does that mean?
It means that if you determined that you were going to use a 30 day no contact rule and on day 12 you broke that no contact rule then you have to restart the 30 days from that point on.
Hence, you are back at square one.
The same principle kind of applies here after a failed no contact rule.
We are assuming a worst case scenario so that means that no only did you break the no contact rule (and not start over from square one) but you also reached out to your ex boyfriend AFTER no contact was over and he ignored you.
What do you think most women do in this situation?
The press even harder.
Rather than taking a step back and re-evaluating the situation they continue to text their ex or call him.
This comes off as desperate and will have the opposite effect of what we are trying to accomplish here.
So, what I have been recommending to women lately (with great success) is a staggered approach to the no contact rule.
What is that?
Good question!
Lets say that you have contacted your ex boyfriend after your failed no contact rule and he has ignored you.
Well, rather than messaging him again the next day I would say jump back into no contact for a week and try again.
If you fail at getting his attention again after a week then go back into no contact for 2 weeks.
This trend continues over and over again until you get a response from him.
…..
Still confused?
It’s ok, I understand I didn’t do a great job of explaining it.
Picture a running track,
Notice how on the running track picture above there are seven starting places (there are really eight but the eighth one is out of the picture so we won’t count it.)
Well, lets imagine that you have completed the no contact rule and not gotten a response from your ex. Well, then you are going to wait one week before you try to contact him again,
After you have waited one week in no contact then you simply “reach out” to him again. If he doesn’t respond to that “reach out” then you are going to go back into no contact for two weeks,
So, after two weeks you are going to reach out to your ex boyfriend. He will usually respond by now but lets assume that he doesn’t.
What now?
Simple, you are going to continued the staggered approach and go back into the no contact rule for three weeks.
Do you see what is going on now?
You basically continue this approach until you get a response from your ex.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Is There Ever An End To The Staggered Approach?
This is a legitimate question.
Initially I talk about how I recommend a 30 day no contact rule for women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends back.
Well, if you are holding true to this “staggered approach” of no contact then isn’t it possible that if your ex boyfriend decides not to respond to any of your attempts to reach out that you can surpass that 30 days?
Yes, that is possible.
However, 4 weeks is the maximum I would stay in this staggered approach.
Now, I am not some sort of math wiz but by my count if you reach weeks using this approach 6 weeks will have already passed. If you add an additional 4 from the four weeks you have ahead of you that means that 10 weeks will have gone by and you will have given your ex boyfriend plenty of opportunities to respond to your attempts to reach out.
I don’t know about you but that seems like a lot…
In that case (and only in that case) it may be time to admit defeat and focus your energies in recovering from the relationship.
Strategy Two- A Prolonged No Contact Rule
Ah the prolonged no contact rule.
This is actually similar to strategy one above but with one main difference.
Instead of going with a staggered approach you are going to go with a prolonged approach.
What’s the prolonged approach?
I will get to that in a moment.
First things first, I need to do a quick recap of something important.
By this point of the guide you should know that a standard no contact rule is 30 days. That means that in a perfect world you will be ignoring your ex boyfriend for 30 days straight.
Of course, we are looking at a worst case scenario here where you did not last 30 days. Instead, you lasted something like 10 or 11 days before you broke NC (and then you tried finishing out the rest of the time in silence.)
Well, breaking the sacred bond of no contact like this pretty much defeats the entire purpose.
The Purpose- To use silence to make your ex boyfriend realize what he is missing out on and to kick start his feelings for you.
This purpose can only be achieved by complete silence.
That is what the prolonged strategy focuses in on.
So, rather than trying a staggered approach to the no contact rule (which is heavily focused on trying to get your ex boyfriend to respond to you) the prolonged approach is geared towards making him miss you.
Like I said above.
An initial no contact rule is meant to be implemented for 30 days.
The prolonged no contact rule is meant to be implemented for 45 days. This means that a prolonged no contact rule is longer than the actual no contact rule.
Now, some of you may read that and think to yourself,
“Is that enough time in no contact? I mean, there are NC rules that extend up to 90 days.”
While it is true that there are no contact rules that can be extended for up to 90 days I am not a fan of those type of prolonged periods.
Why?
I have found that there is a correlation between moving on and a super prolonged period of no contact.
While 45 days can be considered a lot it is nothing close to 90 days. I meant, 90 days is three months and A LOT can happen in three months.
45 days is a perfect prolonged period because it gives your ex boyfriend time to miss you and at the same time not enough time has gone by for him to lose feelings in you yet.
Strategy Three- It’s A Function Of Your Texts
Those of you who were smart enough to pick up my book,
Know that I have a very specific way that I like to teach women to reach out to their ex boyfriends after no contact.
Oftentimes when a woman comes to me after a failed no contact and asks me something like this,
“Chris, I texted my boyfriend after the no contact rule and he didn’t respond… Now what do I do?”
I ask them about the actual text that they sent.
Usually it is something along the lines of,
or
Umm… I hate to break it to you but these types of text messages aren’t good enough for contacting an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.
Oftentimes I have found that 35% to 45% of no contact rules fail because the initial “reach out” text wasn’t good enough.
Look, I understand the temptation of not sending a good first contact text message after ignoring your ex boyfriend. Saying something like, “hey” or “what’s up” is safe. It doesn’t require a lot of thought and in the past your ex boyfriend responded to everything you sent him.
However, you have to keep in mind that if you used the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend you just ignored him (on purpose) for hopefully 30 days.
No one likes to be ignored…
Just sending him a message out of the blue is going to be a little awkward.
Sending him “hey” out of the blue like nothing even happened is even more awkward.
So, what I would like to do now is teach you my method for getting in touch with an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.
So Interesting He Has No Choice But To Respond
I want you to take a look at something for me.
Do you know what this is?
This is a small little screenshot of one tiny aspect of a redesign that Ex Boyfriend Recovery is going through.
Yup, I hired a designer to give this website a facelift and he is doing a fantastic job. The picture above is just his work with my email case study in which two women try to get their exes back (one succeeds and one fails.)
Anyways, take a look at the whole picture.
If you want your ex boyfriend back (which I am assuming you do) doesn’t it make you want to click on the “find out why…” button?
I showed it to my wife and even she admitted that she wanted to click on it.
Why?
Because it’s so interesting she wanted to find out what it was all about.
This is the kind of effect your first contact text message needs to have on your ex boyfriend.
It needs to be so interesting that he can’t not respond to it.
He will see it and be so intrigued by it that he will have to respond to your text message just to find out what you are going on about.
You want an example of how to do this, huh?
Ok, try this text message on for size.
It seems so simple, right?
It’s actually more complex than you realize.
If we dated in the past and you texted this to me after ignoring me for 30 days I would respond to it.
Why?
Because I am intrigued by it.
I am intrigued by the fact that you ignored me for that long and are reaching out to me for the first time. I am intrigued that you saw something and I want to know what it is.
These are the kinds of text messages that you are shooting for.
Any text message that is intriguing or interesting.
Got it?
Strategy Four- Moving On Without Moving On
Tell me if this sounds familiar.
Girl meets boy…
Girl and boy fall in love…
Boy breaks girls heart…
Girl begins to move on…
Once boy sees girl moving on he “miraculously” comes back into the picture…
Sound familiar?
To me it does.
I can’t tell you how many times I have stumbled across a situation just like the one described above through this site. Heck, even a podcast listener called in with a situation like this.
Men have this funny tendency to come back into the picture after women have moved on already.
Why is this?
Well, I don’t have exact statistics on this or anything but what I do have is a theory.
My Theory- After a breakup most women display a very needy persona. This needy persona is the exact opposite of what drew your ex boyfriend to you in the first place. Of course, after you have gotten over the breakup and moved on you are no longer displaying that needy persona. Instead, you are displaying a successful, happy and pleasant one. The are all things that attract a man. Hence, your ex boyfriend comes back into the picture.
I want you to remember this theory as it is going to come into play here in a second.
Obviously I have constructed this page around what to do if your no contact rule fails.
Well, instead of tinkering with the no contact rule what if you took the exact opposite approach and moved on without moving on.
What do I mean by that?
Move on without moving on is an idea I came up with that basically leverages my theory above.
The hypothesis that we are operating with is that if you “move on” you will display a persona that is attractive to your ex. So attractive in fact that he will come back into the picture.
It kind of jumps over the effectiveness of restarting the no contact rule, huh?
Now, before I move on to our final strategy I will admit that this particular strategy is a bit riskier than the others.
Why?
Because in order to “move on without moving on” you kind of have to go on a very extended no contact rule and by extended I mean forever…
Hey, I take moving on very seriously and you should too.
April
October 13, 2022 at 10:59 pm
I did not tell my bf of 3 + years after I said I’m done that I’m implementing no contact on him I just started it on my own. I’m in the 2nd week and honestly it’s hard on me because I miss him. The first week of nc he sent a txt saying “have I missed him yet”? Actually I found that a bit condescending and cocky. I didn’t respond but it left me feeling confused & not sure why he said it like that? Any comments?
Coach Shaunna Nicol
December 24, 2022 at 12:32 pm
I think your ex thinks you are sulking rather then ended things with him
Debbie
June 6, 2022 at 2:34 pm
I had a 7yr long distance relationship with a man. We would visit each other when we could and he said he would make the move to me if I could give him another year to save more money and finish his lease. About 6 weeks before he was to move in something felt off so I asked him about it. He didn’t want to talk about it. That stung because I had waited so long for this to happen. I texted him that his response to me wanting to talk didn’t show he valued me and to let me know when he did see my value. That was 4 months ago of no contact. During this last year of waiting he made more money than ever before and started buying guy “toys.” I was hurt. I have never connected with someone like him and even he said he’s never met anyone like me and was happy he could trust what we had. I feel like he is moving on and that I never existed. I shouldn’t want him back but I do.
David John Gibson
April 23, 2021 at 12:43 am
I did no contact with my ex bf for 30 days he didn’t try and contact me, so I reached out to him, and he didn’t read message or reply to it, so what now ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 24, 2021 at 1:42 pm
Hi David, if they do not reply within 3 days then you need to regroup and rethink your reach out approach -Which ever text you used from Chris’ advice try one of the others to see if that gets a response, for example the hook of “Guess what”… could get your ex interested in replying, or even asking them for help or advice on something.
Kiie
April 7, 2021 at 1:01 am
Hi Chris 🙂
I’ve followed your guide and apply NC strictly and I’ve just completed my 30 days period without contact him ,but there’s nothing from him He was silent throughout the 30 days NC too. Please tell me what should I do
should I extend the NC or I should initiate to him
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 8, 2021 at 7:19 pm
Hi Kiie, if you read some more articles you will understand that the NC is not going to get him back alone – you need to start the texting phase! Please read some texting articles and watch some videos on YouTube to help you understand
Rachel
February 28, 2021 at 4:25 am
My ex and I had a pretty awful prolonged break up which concluded in flames the end of January 2021. We shared a traumatic experience together which we didn’t handle well, and then I had to visit my family overseas before lockdown and we were then separated by distance for months.
During the last few months he started to pull away, and I became needy, desperate and a bit of a door mat trying to pull him back and keep him around. We’re both anxious people and many times he was scared to talk to me – then when he did, he wouldn’t want me to hang up the phone.
I know he has a lot of unresolved feelings and anger towards me like I did, and I also know how stubborn he is – he won’t reopen the doors of communication with someone thats hurt him. He’ll run, rather then face anything which was the problem in our relationship. I know if we could work through our communication problems and conflict avoidance it could be a beautiful long lasting relationship.
Sadly didn’t apply the no contact when we broke up, then committed every possible break up mistake until discovered the no contact rule. I’ve never been dumped or experienced these emotions and it was overwhelming and harrowing… so badly want to fix those mistakes and tell him I was just emotional.
Desperately want to focus on myself and become a happy and well rounded person again – the person who attracted him in the first place but I also don’t want to lose him forever. Also want to get to a place where its okay if he never comes back.
To make things more complicated, I’m close friends with his best friend and we’re going into business together. He loves me as a friend but is happy we’re over and won’t listen to either of us talk about each other.
I know he hasn’t found someone else but he is keeping himself busy to not think about me at all. My instinct tells me where is no hope for reconciliation – not sure what to do…
Annica
February 20, 2021 at 3:56 pm
HI Shaunna,
I am not sure if that really answers my questions. I have been following the no contact rule. If he is on a dating website, he has presumably moved on.
As mentioned in my initial post it’s been 30 days already.
I forgot to mention we briefly met a month ago where I explained my situation for the discord and how much his uncaring attitude was making me unhappy. Asked him if he wanted to try again to which he said NO.
Do you think this situation will turn around?
Annica
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 23, 2021 at 4:28 pm
Hi Annica, no it does not mean that he has moved on if he is on dating sites, many exes use this as a distraction from their feelings of the breakup. It may possibly turn around but you are going to have to follow the program to make that change possible. No contact alone will not get your ex back. Your no contact would only count from the days that you stopped checking his social media posts, dating pages etc. You need to have a solid 30 days where you have nothing of him. Then move on to the texting phase that Chris suggests in his articles.
Annica
February 19, 2021 at 5:45 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend and I broke up almost 45 days, we dated for 4 months only but we had a very strong connection or so I thought. I am following the NC rule and it has been a month.
I have not heard back from him, we both are not big on social media or have common friends, he is also on a dating website now. He went online on a dating site literally a week after we broke up.
Does that mean he has moved on?, there is no way for me to know if he will ever have the desire to mend things, as mentioned unlike other people we both have zero social media presence.
What am I to think here ? Is there any chance that this situation will reverse.
Thanks for you help. Annica.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 19, 2021 at 8:30 pm
Hi Annica, no this means that he is needing the distraction for himself. Keep working the program starting with no contact and stick with it.
Sarah
January 22, 2021 at 11:39 am
I’ve met this guy in 2019 and he was obsessing over me wanting to ask me out and finally got the courage.. he moved in same year, we kept in touch talking every single day, calling each other twice a day staying on the phone for hours we were best friends. I found out he was lying about something so i tried to step back he begged me to stay in his life and he told me he never want to lose me, saying that i was the only girl he ever truly trusted and he can be his true self around. We’ve been talking and calling each other “ we weren’t together but it felt like we were “ till one day he asked for me to be his girlfriend, we live in different continent and he always says he can’t wait to be with me and helping me find jobs to move there, telling me he loves me a lot making promises i never asked him to, i was always there to give advice about business and being there when he went to surgery, calling me each time when he faces sad news. All of a sudden he wants to end because he found someone else which they’ve known each other for 20 days and he tells me that he’s falling for her. I started the NC as soon as he told me about this girl. And now I feel so stupid cause he’s thrown away an entire relationship away like it was nothing.
Anastasia
January 19, 2021 at 2:25 pm
Hi
anyone can help me, I’m on day 26 of no contact rule and tomorrow is my ex boyfriend birthday what should I do? Should I break the nc and say Happy birthday or no? If yes how to say it?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 19, 2021 at 6:43 pm
HI Anastasia, no do not break NC because of their birthday. Give this article a read to help you https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/can-i-text-my-ex-on-his-birthday-lets-end-this-discussion-right-now/
Frustrated Femme
January 4, 2021 at 6:06 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me back in November. I did the no contact rule, but in the middle of it, I found something of his that I hadn’t returned when we initially exchanged each other’s belongings. My intention was not to contact him at all even after NC ended, but due to some circumstances, I finally decided to text him and see if he wanted it back. He responded nicely and told me he still had something of mine too. At this point, it had been 36 days of NC. We agreed to exchange once things settled down a little in the world, and everything seemed fine. The next day, a mutual friend told me that he’d blocked me on all social media and also blocked my number and I confirmed that was true by checking for myself. Previous to that, he hadn’t blocked me on anything. Any idea what happened there? Did I do something wrong? What should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 19, 2021 at 10:30 pm
Hi FF so no I don’t think you did anything wrong, however I think he has either had an emotional reaction hearing from you or is trying to avoid seeing anything from you online. I would suggest that you ask the mutual friend to give him the belongings and do not attempt to reach out to him in 45 days minimum or until you are unblocked.
Helpless & Hopeless
December 28, 2020 at 9:25 pm
Hi Shaunna,
I posted a couple of weeks ago after another angry response from my ex. I’m on Day 55 of NC because I’ve honestly been too scared to make contact again. I’m scared he’s still angry and I feel like he won’t respond. All I’d like is for us to talk, even if it’s over. What could I possibly say now after 55 days away and after all the anger he’s shown towards me?
He spied on my Instagram the other day. He liked and then unliked my most recent post. I’m not even sure what that means…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 29, 2020 at 5:20 pm
It means that you were clearly on his mind at the time and he went for a snoop on what is going on with you (social media is a way for him to see if you are happy etc so make sure it looks that you are doing great). I would suggest that you reach out soon, with one of Chris’ texts in mind. Use the articles and videos to help you create a text with Chris advice to get him talking.
Kylie
December 4, 2020 at 6:12 pm
Hi,
I need some advise. I have been dating a guy on and off now for the last 5 years. At first it wasn’t serious but over the few years it took a dramatic turn and we’ve discussed children and marriage up until pretty recently. Saying this we have always argued on and off- we are both extremely headstrong people with my career always taking the front seat, and for him its been his friends. We broke up last year for a few months and he started to see someone else- though this didn’t come out until after we got back together in a very dramatic way. I know we wasn’t together but I was very hurt and though he swore to make it up to me I spent the last year feeling very resentful towards him, and we argued more then ever. I could tell he was starting to feel downtrodden, but I couldn’t stop acting cold towards him even when I didn’t want to. In my mind I was punishing him and showing him I didn’t need him, but I could see I was pushing him away. Its been nearly 2 months since he told me he had started to talk to someone else, which forced me to end it. As I said I’m very headstrong and I couldnt bring myself to beg for him back- I just got up and walked out. I did call him afterwards a few times to try and get some answers out of him but he wouldn’t open up about it, and after 4 or 5 failed calls asking the same questions I stopped trying. We haven’t spoken since and its been 2 weeks. I’m trying the no contact rule to try and give us both some space but as I’m not active on social media and we live in different areas there is no way for me to show him I’m becoming a better version of myself. How do I show him if I don’t have any form of contact? Also should I do a longer NC as we were together so long or will this just push him towards this other woman?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 14, 2020 at 9:34 pm
Hi Kylie, you need to do a 45 day no contact as he has the other woman in the picture. Work on yourself in the mean time and show your ex that you are the better woman, leave him feeling that he made a mistake letting you go. There is an article about being ungettable keep working towards the best version of yourself.
Helpless & Hopeless
November 6, 2020 at 11:31 pm
Hi Shaunna,
Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, when I reached out I mainly asked how he was doing because we were still so conflicted. I did ask a question to spark interest but he ignored it.
Between the time I posted here and saw your reply, we had another exchange. He is just so angry. I cannot understand why because he doesn’t open up and express himself. When I ask him to clarify things with me, he takes my question as if I’m being contrary, just trying to prove him wrong or something. I just keep getting accused of blackmail and games and that his words about needing a break mean nothing to me. I don’t know how to resolve this deadlock in the communication, or how to resolve the conflict. I’ve even asked him if we could part ways amicably. He doesn’t even set that into motion; I’m just the enemy.
He said he was so angry in that moment of communicating with me, he didn’t want to ever speak to me again and I shouldn’t write to him again.
You suggested I should do a shorter NC. 21 days? I don’t know!!! I feel like he’s threatened me with completely cutting the contact and never speaking to me again if I try to approach him again. Surely that puts my NC around 45-60 days? How else to get him to calm down? I don’t know what to make of this at all…
Krystelle
November 3, 2020 at 4:26 am
Hey all,
So me and my ex boyfriend broke up 40 days ago and neither of us have contacted eachother since. We were only together for about almost 3 months, but we had this deep connection. We live about a 30 minute drive from eachother, and I was busy with school and he was working full time, meaning we were only able to see eachother 1-2 times a week.
A week before he broke up with me, we hungout like normal, though it did not feel the same as before, I just thought he was tired from work. We never had any fights or disagreements, we were in what seemed to be a very strong and healthy relationship.
He broke up with me unexpectedly, and the days leading up to the breakup he was progressively getting more distant with his texts and stopped facetiming and I just thought it was him being couped up with work since he always complained about being tired, but he told me within that one week he was starting to question our relationship for whatever reason.
The reasons he gave me was that he couldnt see a future with me, he felt like he needed to work on himself, isn’t ready for a relationship, and that I deserve someone who is willing to be more present in a relationship. I didnt get mad at him or begged him to not make this choice, i told him that if he thinks this is the best decision for him then so be it. I still have very strong feelings for him and think about him a lot and feel like there could be more in store for us.
I wanted to contact him for the longest time and I still do, but my family and friends urge me not to because he was the one who ended things, therefore he should be the one to contact me first. Now that we have been in no contact for 40 days, should i try and reach out? or should i continue to go on with life and just let him reach out to me whenever he is ready if that ever happens?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 4, 2020 at 7:36 pm
Hi Krystelle, if you want your ex back then yes you would need to reach out first, we encourage clients to reach out because often exes wont reach out in fear of what response they will get.
Kylee
October 30, 2020 at 4:19 pm
I desperately need help. I feel like I will never get him back. I get the vibe that he dosen’t even want to hear from me. I’ve been applying No Contact for almost 3 weeks now. I have a counselor in getting a little help from, and I’m trying to apply everything I hear online in your videos and other videos.
But I’m almost positive my ex dosen’t want to hear from me, I think he’s moved on and wants me to.. but I don’t want to let go. I want to fix it.
My breakup is very unique… I’m dealing with a stubborn ex, he’s completely made up his mind & dosen’t really believe in giving second chances bc he went through that before and got in a huge mess that ended terribly. He’s afraid that will happen with us. So, he’s set on his decision and wants to move on because he thinks it’s best. And what’s even worse is we are long distance.. We were so happy I don’t understand why.. I love him more than anything. Literally I thought we were going to get married. Is it the end? What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 31, 2020 at 3:23 pm
Hi Kylee, you would be surprised how many feel the way you do when dealing with a stubborn ex, many say they do not give second chances, but as from his past you can see that he does. Continue with your no contact for 45 day if you feel you need that extra time to work on yourself, and dont worry about him reaching out first, many success stories do not have a reach out during NC.
Eline Sloof
October 9, 2020 at 4:01 pm
Hi,
I’m a mess. Its been about a month when my boyfriend broke up with me, cause he lost feelings overtime and he said it wasn’t fair to keep the relationship going to me. I reached out after 3 weeks, he replied but when i asked him a second question he didn’t reply anymore. It’s been about 2 weeks since that last message, and i miss him so bad.
What do i do? I want him to miss me and reach out, but he simply doesn’t. Im so broken, we had something so special, I dont know what to do anymore. How can he suddenly not miss me?
Please help me..
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 22, 2020 at 8:14 pm
Hey Eline, you need to work on yourself and follow a 30 day No Contact where you focus on your holy trinity and use social media and any mutual friends that you are doing great without him in your life. Read more articles to help you with the reach out texts and how to keep your ex interested in the conversation so that he replies to you. Keep in mind that these conversations need to be short and positive at the start. You are rebuilding your connection
Helpless & Hopeless
October 7, 2020 at 1:56 pm
My LDR partner and I had an argument in mid-June. It was nothing that couldn’t have been resolved by simply talking to each other. He’s terrible at conflict resolution and shut down our communication. He blocked me on social media and on WhatsApp, but didn’t block my email address. Between mid-June and the first week of July, I managed to get him to reply to emails and articulate things like needing space. (A similar situation happened once before between September and November 2019. At that time, I thought we’d never get back together again because I had never experienced anything like it before.)
Anyway, I suggested solutions and a way to resolve this deadlock. I tried to keep things positive, but had no success. I started NC first week of July and did 3 weeks. I re-approached him first week August. The problem is that I have abandonment issues. I started having anxiety attacks when he’d take more that 3-4 days to reply. I’d email him in a state of panic and then he’d reply showing concern. By mid-August, he suddenly opened up about why he shut down last year and why it’s happening again: he feels misunderstood when trying to express his need for space.
At that crucial point in our communication, he shut down again! I had a very bad anxiety attack when he ignored my question about what we could do so that he doesn’t feel misunderstood. Eventually, he wrote that he needed a break and asked if he’s allowed to ask for that. I thought it was weird to “ask permission” like that, when he’s been giving me the silent treatment. I replied very clearly answer, saying that it’s the silent treatment and shutdowns that’s a problem for me, not him taking space sometimes. That was our last exchange, 1 September.
I just did 4 weeks NC to give him space and reached out to see how he’s doing. It’s been 6 days. He hasn’t replied yet. I don’t know what to do. What does this mean? Should I assume it’s over??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 22, 2020 at 8:25 pm
Hey there H&H so the issue is that you reached out asking how he was doing, rather than using the text that Chris suggests in his articles, complete another smaller NC and then attempt to reach out with one of the messages that Chris has in his articles on this website, this should be able to get your ex interested enough to talk to you, if you follow the advice correctly.
Wanda Allen
September 29, 2020 at 4:05 pm
So i wasnt dating a guy but me and him were texting everyday for 6months. I met him in person right before quarantine. Anwyways, he seemed to be super intersted in me and i even set standards when we first started texting. I showed him that i am a highvalue girl and ungetable and it seemed to be working SUPER well (I honestly thought he was falling for me w him constant initiating 90% of the text messages).
Then after 6months of texting almost every single day, he tells me hes also been texting some other girl, and he likes her romantically. Im super confused in the whole situation, part of me beleives he just said that to make me jealous and see how i reacted. Anyways, i told him i didnt feel comftorable talking to him at all anymore after that since he was also pursuing someone else. I am on day 13 of No Contact. Even tho me and him never dated, will the No Contact work? Im planning on doing it for 21 days. I really want him to realize what hes lost and i know he wont initiate anymore contact cuz im the one who asked him not to text me anymore because hes pursuing someone else. (I really thought he was going to ask me out soon, and i dont beleive hes friendzoned me because he texted me everyday to just ask about my day) .
Will 21 days NC work? What do i do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 11, 2020 at 1:48 pm
Hi Wanda, I would suggest that you actually do the 45 days as he has the other woman in the situation, as he hasn’t really invested that much time into seeing you and spending time with you, you may find that you need to work on your social media influence and Ungettable girl work to catch his attention again. There are many articles here that can help you do this
Maria
September 20, 2020 at 2:03 pm
Hi!
We met when we traveled and we went into the relationship quickly. After the trip, we went back to our own countries so we were in a long distance relationship. We texted and called each other everyday, unfortunately, it only lasted for 3.5 months.
Due to my insecurity and he felt no trusted, he broke up with me. I said I disagreed with this decision as it should be mutually agreed. He said alright and then we seemed like getting back together but it only lasted for few days. He became hot and cold…mostly were cold and talked obviously different from before, and that made me become more needy. This situation lasted for 3 months since the breakup.
One month ago, he suddenly stopped responding to my messages. It was so weird as he just suggested watch movie together one week before vanishing and even gave me a call for chatting 2 days before vanishing that gave me hope that I thought our relationship was getting better.
After 2-3 times being ignored by him, I start the NC rule. Now I’m still doing the NC rule and 2 more days to go it will be 30 days. He didn’t contact me during this period of time and me neither. Other than the first week, I am ok with not contacting him as sometimes I’m also busy at work. However, I can’t help check his online status and I’ve found him not going online often as usual. Sometimes I’m worried but I remind myself to insist.
Honestly I feel 30 days go faster than I expected and I’m not really ready to initiate the contact again as I’m afraid that he will not respond to my messages and even block me. Then I would lost contacts with him forever.
Could you please give me some advice? Any chance to get him back in my situation?
Thanks so much..
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 5, 2020 at 10:54 am
Hi Maria, you can complete a 45 days NC if you need to, but do not pass the 60 day mark of NC. And just keep working on yourself in that time
Hannah
August 10, 2020 at 1:58 am
I did no contact for 45 days. I did some real soul searching. I reflected and understood the relationship breakdown and where things shifted. I took care of myself and got my confidence back. I reached out on day 45. He responded. I texted again 2 days later. He called me. We had a wonderful “catch up” talk. It ended with him suggesting we meet up. Two days later, I texted him two available meet up options. He called the next day. We had a wonderful phone call. He wanted to know what happened to us. He shared details of his life and what he’s been doing. I shared my perspective. He told me he loved me and he’d never find someone a great as me. Then, he canceled on our meetup and said we couldn’t get back together. Talking is too hard for him and I can date someone else and be happy. What just happened? Do I give up? Did no contact fail me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 11, 2020 at 8:25 pm
Hey Hannah, no No Contact didnt fail you, it actually worked by the sounds of things. But the reason he cancelled the meet up and changed his mind is because he got too much time to think about it. Basically he over thought the situation, told you his feelings and then talked himself out of it all. I suggest that you go into another NC but this time start dating guys casually – no commitment needed from you to these guys as you are just going to be showing that you are moving on with your life. This time around when you start getting back in touch with him, do not have emotional conversations about feelings or relationships etc.