What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn't Work- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

Louna

November 15, 2016 at 5:24 am

Really I must start again? Why can’t I do staggered? If I do this 30 days I have less chance to see him before I travel for winter vacation on Christmas, I will be travelling until February! On next week is his birthday :-/

Louna

November 15, 2016 at 5:35 am

I was concentrating on improving, I even went on some dates.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:06 pm

but right now he’s not responding to you right? Take it, as if he has moved on and have a restart. If you’re going away and it’ll make the nc longer, then better. You have more time to improve yourself and making it seem like you really moved on. That would be better than looking like you’re chasing him.

Louna

November 15, 2016 at 12:23 am

I replied to my ex when he contacted me on day 18 and 24, short and polite responses.
Day 30 I texted him, no response.
I am now going to do the staggered NC and contact him after one week since my last messge but my question is what if he contacts me during this week? Normal rules apply? (which I broke previously) Do not respond until end of the week?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 1:22 am

Actually you broke it at day 19. One of the reasons why it’s better not to reply to those kind of texts, the how are you, what are you doing, where are you, is because you’re validating him. It’s like you’re saying, yeah I’m still here. I’ll reply whenever you want me to. And with that you’re also helping him to slowly move on because it’s like you’re letting him get used to not talking to you slowly.

You need to restart the 30 day count and focus in improving yourself. Dont reply unless it’s an emergency or he says he wants to get back with you. And now, he’s ignoring you. If you ignore him, more likely he’s going to think back and think it’s because he ignored you.. which is good because he has to think, you’ve had enough and you’re not his doormat.

Maya

November 13, 2016 at 2:04 pm

Hey, please help me. I broke up no contact rule, after 12 days. I broke it because in my oppinion i was ready to start contacting him again. I followed rules of texting. First contact text was memory text, he wrote back positive and next i send text back on a high note. Than i waited two days before i started to text him again. After two days i wrote him again, and he sent me text back, so i texted him back and ended again in high note. Then i texted him again with funny text, he texted me backlate in the evening, a texted back and then he texted me back after 24 hours, after midnight. I texted him back, after 9 hours, but after 24 days, i do not have any responde from him. Texts was always positive, not needy. What should I do know? Should i text him back, if he will text me back now after 24 hours from my text or even if i get text back from him, do not responde? Should i start again no contact rule for 30 days? I neeed help! Thank you… We were together about 7 months, i think he broke up with me becasue i was too much needy. And he said that he needs time for himself. But he really loved me. Since break up on May, we have always been in contact. But sometimes he replies on text, sometimes he did not… sometimes i was needy, crazy… i realize know that.

Whatdo you think do i need 30 days of no contact, or just stop texting him for 1 week?

Maya

November 13, 2016 at 2:07 pm

little mistake: not days, HOURS —> I texted him back, after 9 hours, but after 24 hours,
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 7:57 pm

Hi Maya,

you’re nc was too short for you to improve and too short for him to think you’re starting to move on and improving.. Try doing 45 days.. Even if there’s no guarantee that it will work, at least you will be raising your value and self worth even if you dont get him back..

So Confused

November 11, 2016 at 9:12 pm

So I finished no contact texted my ex we were talking on and off for about 1 week and a half. He texted me one day I replied a while after and he hasn’t replied 2 days now it has been. What do i do?
Do I go back into no contact?
Or just wait and see if he replies maybe for about 1 week them try again? I don’t want him to think it’s ok to just not reply to my texts tho.Do I ask him why he has been ignoring me or do i just act like u didn’t notice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 8:38 pm

Hi So Confused,

if you want to build rapport, you cant angry and demanding. What did you text? does it need a reply?

Michele j

November 6, 2016 at 5:49 am

Can you use the non contact rule on a guy you are not yet dating? I have been texting a guy for four months and he keeps saying he is busy and wants to take me out but it hasn’t happened so I want to start NCR to get him to be mine but we aren’t officially dating yet, just talk, text and occasional coffee.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 12:23 pm

Hi Michelle,

yes, but even if you were really together, there’s no guarantee that it will work

Marianne

November 3, 2016 at 7:27 am

I have a question. Is the 4 strategies a step by step or you just have to choose one strategy?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 5, 2016 at 10:18 am

you have to choose what suits your situation most..you can use two strategies if you want..like strategy 2 and 4

Molly

November 3, 2016 at 3:48 am

Greetings! I have been with my boyfriend 10 months but we have known each other for 13 years since high schools. He’s 28 and I’m 26. We’re long distance. He was studying medicine in china and I’m also doing yhe same thing here in America. When we’re friend we got along really well. We used to text each other every single day. And facetime weekly. We have seen each other in Africa this july and August. Now he’s doing his intern in Africa and I’m back in the U.S. I didn’t used to use social media like Facebook. I just started using it when I got back from Africa and see him. I found out on Facebook that he wrote he’s in a relationship a different girl. When I asked him, he said that he girl is using her to make his ex jealous. Who happen to be his friend. I didn’t believe him so I broke up him. I blocked him on my whatsapp, deactivated my Facebook coz I was Facebook stalking him. Just two days later after I broke up with him, he posted a picture of her and the girl who happen to be inchina on wwhatsapp profile pictureand on him status saying happy birthday my love. I did do anything or contact him ever since. I end up unblock him on my whatsapp and post pictures of me be happy but I’m not that happy. It’s hard to move on. It has been 27 days since we last chat. I continue to check his Facebook page and it shpws that he is still in a relationship with her. It hurts me even more. I wanted to know why he said that he loved me but he cheat on me. And still continue the relationship with her. He hasn’t texting or anything. Is this no contact rule going to work? I just want to save our friendship. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him. Cheater cheats. He once cheated on me after years I forgave him n we we’re jus friends then 7 years pass by we’re just friends not to close but good friends until last December when we decide to date. He’s my first and only guys I have ever been with, which makes it had to move on. I tried to keep mu self busy but at night I end up suffering thinking about him. My feels toward him are dissappear but I want to keep him as a friend at least what should I do. Thank.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 5, 2016 at 12:34 am

Hi Molly,

What have you started new in the last days? have you made new friends?

Callen

November 2, 2016 at 11:43 am

Is there any possibility that he will not reach out to you when he already has this anger inside him and disappointment that push him back and still decided to not to contact you? Like his disappointment and anger is dominating him even after the nc period end. Because I’m quiet sure we do have some very good, amazing memories before you know, the fights. Will he tend to forget those good memories? Is it one reason why he won’t respond after the nc ends???

Callen

November 7, 2016 at 6:20 am

So what can I do now is continue with the nc then? What if he doesn’t text me during the NC or after the NC? Should I worry about it? And say that the NC is over and then he doesn’t text me so I text him first, what if he ignores my text? I mean what if he thinks like “What is she doing” or “I shouldn’t reply to this though” or he shows the text to his friend or family and they said “ignore it” ? I mean how I can cope with that kind of situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 7:35 pm

You have to make the most of improving yourself in the remaining days of nc because after nc, you will still continue that routine while building rapport with him… you can initiate contact after nc. If he didn’t reply, wait a week before trying again. If he doesn’t reply again, wait two weeks before trying again. If he still doesn’t reply after that, it means you have to move on.
Check the link below so you would have an idea of a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Callen

November 4, 2016 at 4:48 am

So can I still do stuffs during nc? Like posting photo with friends etc? Would it make him be even angrier and think like ,”She already happy with her life I’ll just leave her” something like that? Because there are some guys who tend to think if she’s already happy then I wouldn’t need to be around her anymore. Will that decrease the possibility of him not reaching out to me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 12:59 am

actually you should be actively posting. There are different reasons to be active in posting. It can help you be in a different light in his eyes because he can see your improvements, he’ll start to think you’re moving on, which helps you get out of the chaser position, it helps you get a restart.
What I don’t get with your question is that, did you mean he wants you to be sad and just wait for him?

Usually men who get angry with their exes who are moving on or who are being happy are used to their girlfriends chasing them, so getting angry is their way of control because they know, that when you know he’s angry, you’ll come back to the old you and chase again. Most of the time, they’re unconsciously doing that. So, I’m not saying that, he’s a bad guy. It just so happens that, it can be a form of control.

If he thinks he needs to be around you for you to be happy, then why isn’t he around now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 3, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Callen,

yes, it can be a possibility..that means 30 days is too short for him to forgive or be less emotional

MK

October 31, 2016 at 10:04 pm

Hi,

What do you do when your boyfriend is NCing you? My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. Before we broke up we had a fight over the phone about marriage and his lack of communication. Then I texted him a bunch of things about how I wish he would communicate with me etc etc. Then we both didn’t talk for a week. After one week I texted him to see if we should talk. That is when he broke up with me. He felt really bad but he seemed sure. As if he had his mind made up over the last week. He said he hasn’t felt good about us because of compatibility issues but I told him I think that we help to balance each other and I like that we are opposites.
After we broke up I emailed him the same night telling him I wanted to work it out and that I wanted him to think about it. A week later I texted him to see if he wanted to talk. He didn’t want to. I texted him how I wanted to work it out. He didn’t respond. Now I’ve found this site.

Should I NC him for a prolonged time? Should I let him know that I’m done contacting him and trying to work it out? How else will he know I am NCing him if he is NCing me?

Thank you,
MK

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Mk,
he’s ignoring you.. if he’s doing the no contact rule, that means he wants you back, but if he’s just ignoring you.. that’s different..

if you’re going to do the no contact rule, do it to improve yourself.. he can’t know exactly that you’re doing nc, he just have to notice you stopped chasing him and you’re starting to move on because you’re busy being happy and improving yourself

Lost In Love

October 29, 2016 at 1:49 pm

I implemented the No Contact Rule after he broke up with me. He messaged me a few times and also tried seeing me but due to no contact, I ignored every attempt. I haven’t heard anything from him in 5 days now and yesterday, he added a girl to his social media, she added him back, and then he blocked me from everything. Did I lose my chance to be with him again by ignoring him? I kind of feel like I pushed him into the arms of someone else because he did reach out to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Hi Lost in love,
if he’s saying the truth, then that means he still sees the old you when he sees you and talks to you.. that his life is more fun right now than to go through the problems again with you… the only chance I can see is if he’s sure that you’ve moved on, you’re fun to be with, you kept improving and yet you’re not into him anymore, it can make him curious about you again…because he sees you as the ungettable girl

Janette

October 25, 2016 at 11:54 pm

Hi amor,
So I completed the 30 days. Reached out and got a good response. We were messaging back and forth since last Tuesday. He said he missed me and that he was doing better at work. That he stopped smoking. We were having a very pleasant convo the whole week. Then I asked if he wanted to meet with me to discuss things in person. He said he would but then he took it back a couple of days later and said he wasn’t ready. I was confused and asked why he would agree to it in the first place. Then he told me he heard his neighbors fighting the other night and that it gave him anxiety. He said he never wanted to be like that again and blocked me via txt and snapchat. I’m pretty upset. He made me feel like we had a chance and then just as quickly 180’D on me. ive deactivated my social media fb, snapchat, Instagram for now. I just need a break. I’m really sad though.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 27, 2016 at 1:08 am

I think it was too early for him..next time, if you’re still going to try, take it slow even if he’s showing positive signs

Ace

October 25, 2016 at 9:07 pm

I’m wondering if the no contact rule failed eventhough I followed all the aspects of it. My ex tried to contact me but i think after a while he got upset and blocked me completely because i wasnt repling. He tried to contact me more than a week ago before he blocked me,he hasn’t tried since. Just 2 days of no contact left.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 26, 2016 at 10:26 pm

Hi Ace,

Some of the exes actually do that during the no contact rule when they are ignored, and then they realize later on that their reaction didn’t affect you, and that it was an emotional move, so they unblock.. And if he doesn’t unblock that’s ok too.. You can still initiate contact after nc, because that would mean you probably don’t know you’re blocked because you’re not stalking him in social media..

Sandra

October 23, 2016 at 3:10 am

I successfully completed 30 days of no contact.my ex dumped me because he wanted to date another girl.yesterday on the 30 the day I suddenly bumped into him when he was with a group of friends who don’t know me.he seemed happy to c me and was about to smile at me when I got carried away and looked elsewhere and walked away.have I ruined all my chances? I sent the first text in 30 days apologising for not saying hi and that I did not how to react as he was with his group of friends.i sent the text yesterday night and have not received any response.its been 10 hours.has my no contact rule failed?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2016 at 7:35 pm

Hi Sandra,

we dont know yet.. wait a week, if he doesnt reply..initiate again with a first contact text..

She

October 22, 2016 at 8:53 am

Hi…i m going threw my NC it has been 17 days. I want suggestion as in my case my ex bf is 2 yr younger plus he is a really very shy guy (19). He broke up with me on the ground that i havent been there when he wanted me most. I agree with that. He says that he is hurt enough and can’t lead a life full of hurt. In the initial of our 1 yr long relationship we used to spend weeks together but now I m busy in studies so I wasn’t able to give that much time. He picked up all small issues as reason for breaking up. It is his first relationship. I knew him since kindergarten he is a nice guy.
He was really sad and used to quarrel for attention even after break up. I was also in pain and whenever we used to talk after break up we ended up fighting…that if you have done this that we wouldn’t have ended like this, blaming each other. Out of anger on 5th Oct I said let’s b strangers he asked to b friends but I said no and since after that we both hadn’t contacted each other not a single text. (Even in relationship when he was hurt he used to keep that with him I used to go ask, force him to say and he eventually burst into tears). He give up on the things easily. His friends txted me to fight for him if I really care about him. What should I do? I m very confused. I have already asked him many times to get back and ever time his answers was no. So I think asking is a bad idea. During no contact he have unfriended me from his Facebook account(not blocked) I guess deleted my no. (As his WhatsApp image is not visible but I can see him online). I m in no hurry I just want things to get back on place even if it takes me to be hid friend for years. Some of the friends say that he needs to be in relationship with other girls and will get mature after some break ups…is that so???? But he is so shy he don’t talk much with girls since childhood till now. I know this guy is a critical case….but I m stupid I love him

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 11:57 am

Hi She,
I dont think his shyness is the issue..You asked him if he wants to get back together and he said no.. That means he just doesnt want to get back together for now..

If you tried talking to him during nc, you have to restart count..And you have yo be actively improving yourself too

mairly

October 20, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Hi,
My ex broke up with me about 1,5 month ago. Hè didn t deel the same way for me and found US to Different. I broke the no contact rule a few Times with sad messages. This weekend i passed by his House and we talked. I cried and he hugged me. I kissed him and he kissed me Back. Then he Said: IT doesnt Mean anything. Is this possible? When i left he told me i could Always come by for a hug. Do you think i have a chance of getting him Back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi Mairly,

If you keep restarting the no contact rule it will have less chances of helping you..but if you really want to take a chance, finish it and improve yourself instead of chasing him..

Shena

October 20, 2016 at 2:32 am

Hello,

I’m curious to know if this rule still applies to me. My ex and I recently broke up for the second time as he said he felt the need to explore his 20’s since he’s never had the chance (he’s 26). He said in a perfect world I’d still be in his life until he gets it out of his system but he knows that would be selfish of him to expect. We broke up the first time and he slowly started courting me again and we were back together within a month and a half but he has since moved in with a few very close guy friends for the first time and started to have the same feelings so relationship just ended. We were together for 2.5 years. I have decided to start no contact, but from the outside looking in, will no contact still work if he’s always surrounded by his own comfort system and going out with them every weekend?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 21, 2016 at 8:25 pm

Hi Shena,
Honestly it’s less..I think your best chance is if he sees you’re not going to be bothered with his activities because you have your own life to the point that he would curious himself ob why you’re being so busy yourself

Jen

October 18, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Hi

My boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly since we were in a distance relationship. I was really hurt, lashed out and he asked me if I was in love with him. I responded with a yes and that was it. I decided to go into no contact in which after I contacted he did not respond. I left again with no contact. There was this piece we purchased together so I sent him a photo and boom he contacted me saying its really nice. one week after he wised me happy birthday, I responded and said wish he was there and since then no response. What should I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 20, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi Jen,

the photo was sent after the second no contact? I think it was too intimate for him.. Maybe he doesn’t want you to expect..

danielle

October 17, 2016 at 7:06 pm

Hi there, my boyfriend and I were together for 5 and a half years. he is 24 and I’m 22. We broke up 4 weeks ago and I very much want for us to get back together. We’ve have our arguments over the years and it never tore us apart, however the last one did. Now I fear he may be heading into a rebound relationship to hide the pain of us not being together. I don’t want that. My NC will end on the 25this month. It has been hard, but in praying to God, I’m making it through. I posted a sexy picture on my IG yesterday, and this morning he liked it lol I know it may be small, but what does that mean? He also told a mutual friend of ours that we may get back together in the “near future.” but told another friend that “he doesn’t think he is coming back, at least not anytime soon.” He quickly introduced his rebound as his “soon to be wifey” should I be worried? “It’s pretty confusing, how should I approach when the NC is officially over? There is so much more to be said, but I will stop here for now. I look forward to your response.

Danielle

October 18, 2016 at 8:47 pm

I’ve improved, trust me. my attitude has improved along with lots of other things. I’m in they gym, I changed my hairstyle everything lol, I’m really determined about this. This has happened in the past when we were way younger, and he came back. he always does now that I think about it. However, we’re older now and I want to make sure we grow old together. So I’m moving very carefully and following all the things you guys have up on your page. Our families are still much very connected, just not him and I. I strongly believe this relationship he is looking to go into will be a ‘rebound’ one, apparently my pictures are still up in his room as well on his fb an IG. The decision I believe was a harsh one, hence my reason for wanting us to reunite. I just watched the video, it opened my eyes to a whole new level, thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 20, 2016 at 6:55 pm

That’s very good..yeah, more likely the new girl is a rebound
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 7:04 pm

Hi Danielle,

his like is a good sign.. how much did you improve during nc? you need to continue that even after nc..and you need to be careful that he doesnt think you’re trying to get him back so he wont be protective of his current gf..
check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

D

October 17, 2016 at 7:44 am

Hi
i missed a couple of things to point out… firstly, he dumped me and that took him 4 months to finally hurt me in all. mostly, it took me 2 weeks to realise that argument and begs wouldn’t work so i did nc, not out of choice but out of force, during of 80 days of practicing nc and following your website tips i felt better. when i emailed him on day 81th, i felt as if a huge burden off my mind was removed… having text him last week i feel the same, i am not obsessed by hate for him all day, i just want to help myself to have a normal life. that’s why i tried to contact him, he could have told me something but he didn’t… why he refuses to say something?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 11:18 pm

Hi D,

I think it’s time to move on. The good thing is you’ve already started that.. And I think he’s not answering because he wants you to move on too…

D

October 16, 2016 at 6:46 pm

Hi

briefly, he dumped me, i did nc after 2 weeks of fighting for more than 2 months, i didn’t mean to get him return.. it was the only thing i could have done, i couldn’t stop myself thinking of him though… so i emailed him to say i was on the route we’d come together last year, i recieved a call from a guy pretented calling by mistake, after 2 weeks i text him on telegram to say i would’nt be upset if he blocked me again, not happy nor upset if he explained why he’d dumped me… he didn’t block me, didn’t text me back though… so what’s next step? should i text him again? have no idea what to say anymore… should i give up on him?

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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”