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Abbey
September 28, 2016 at 6:13 am
HI
I finished NC a couple of days ago and sent him a message just saying “hey”. He replied and we talked for a whole before I said I had to go. This was 2 days ago and the only other time I have messaged him was by accident today. I don’t know what to say to him. I want to redo my beginning text but I don’t know what I’d say to him. I feel like I shouldn’t message him again and wait for him to reach out. I just don’t think he will… what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 29, 2016 at 10:27 am
you have to work on your topic.. check
this for a an initial text again:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Hhm
September 27, 2016 at 4:24 am
I did the no contact for 21 days because he would be leaving the country for about a year and i wont get to see him. We use to talk alot after we broke up and i told him before the startt of my NC i needed space. He contacted me once on an occational day given me several calls which i didnt pick and a seasonal message which i replied once saying “thanks and pls give me some space”. I ended my NC with a call i ended up giving him 3 missed calls to which he called back later. the convo was short and i think i sounded desperate asking him if he wanted to hang out to which he said he would be busy and i told him to let me know when he can hang out. I know i didnt get this right.. Please how do i go from here because i feel hurt and am very emotional and am filled with regret of bieng desperate.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 11:50 am
Hi Hhm,
well, when is he leaving?
Alesha
September 25, 2016 at 9:59 pm
Hi!
I’ve completed almost four months of NC and my ex hasnt tried to talk to me. I’m worried it hasn’t done anything to get him back even though I’ve been improving myself. He ended it mostly due to dumb fighting which was a result of us not being on the same page with a bigger commitment. I also noticed he joined a dating site recently so it feels like there’s no point in initiating contact seeing as he wants to actively look for someone else. Is there any hope in this case? Thanks
Alesha
September 26, 2016 at 12:13 pm
Would you recommend an email or text? I know NC was long but in the end of it he told me we could try to talk again after we’ve coped and moved on and it was a 3 year relationship, it took a month just to accept it and longer to really make positive changes. I also don’t have any social media. Should i still reach out or show im active and moved on in social media first? Thanks again for your reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 1:23 pm
Go for a text and start being active in social media while rebuilding rapport.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 10:22 am
Hi Alesha,
Your no contact rule was too long. Usually we only recommend up to 45 days and then you would initiate contact. If you want, you can initiate anytime to know if you can slowly build rapport. That means you’re going to start off being friendly only. Do not ask for him back, don’t ask what happened or anything about the relationship when you initiate contact.
Donna
September 19, 2016 at 5:55 pm
I need some help here. I have this guy friend (I’m 32 and he will be 43 in a couple months) and we met back in 2010 working together on a month long project for the summer. We live on opposite coasts and we barely talk on social media. He was happily married back when we met, but he quickly got a divorce and started to date one of the girls we worked with.
To make things more complecated, we met again a in late 2013, at a party he was having. His eyes sparkled when he laid eyes on me. I think he noticed some changes I had made between the last time he saw me, including the fact that I lost 30 pounds. But he would never say anything about it. He just said that I look really good. I blushed, we both admitted that we missed each other and in the midst of teasing me about missing him, he found a note in my hand telling him my feelings for him. He asked me if I love him and I had to fight the tears telling him yes and that I’m sorry I ruined our friendship. He hugged me close to his body, and assured me that I didn’t do anything wrong and that we are still friends. He told me to never apologize for my feelings if they are real, because why apologize for something you can’t change. He was happy he had me smiling again before I left the party (I had work the next morning). He never once brought up his girlfriend in our conversation. I felt fantastic and beautiful, and I’m sure he felt the self-confidence radiate from me. But he still had his girlfriend and he never told me how he felt about me except for that maybe there will be a chance in the future for us. I told him that I would rather us be friends than him feeling like he can’t talk to me because of my feelings getting in the way, I think he was happy that I said that.
As of right now, he has blocked me on social media. I have a feeling that he girlfriend made him do that because she never liked me and felt jealous that he would even look at me. I opened a separate Twitter account and he opened a separate account also (at least I believe it is him) and we talk maybe once a month. I’m afraid though that I have lost him as a friend and that he will never talk to me again. My self-confidence went from high to low the day he blocked me last Christmas and it’s been a struggle since then.
He is no longer with this girl after dating her for these years, and officially called it quits as of the beginning of this year. Now he is dating another girl. I decided to make myself have a “no contact” time for about 6 months or so until I get myself back to being the self-confident woman that he saw he last time we met 2 years ago. I figured that if he sees me missing from social media after I tried to get his attention and apologize for making him uncomfortable, maybe he will miss me and want to talk about this.
My guy friend remembers details about me that my average friends wouldn’t remember, he looked at me longingly the last time we met up and he held my hands when we talked, he asked me details about my plans for the day and if I wanted to work with him again in the future, but he also acts wishy-washy as I mentioned before. He also told me that he enjoys receiving messages on Twitter from me and that I make him smile, so that is why I continued to send him messages just as I always had. Also, he introduced me to his parents and sisters. We talked and I still keep in touch with his sisters (but I haven’t talked to them since I have him his space).
I wouldn’t necessarily call him my ex since we never had a real romantic relationship. But I’m hoping you can give me some advice here anyways. He knows I love him, and I have a feeling that he had a more-than-friendly feelings for me. Would 3 months of silence work for me, or would I be risking him forgetting about me altogether? Does being long distance make the chances of reconciliation of our friendship almost impossible?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 3:39 pm
Hi Donna,
I have to be realistic. I think he was being nice with you because he knows you love him.. He likes that feeling of being admired. And no contact means no contact at all. That means yoy cant message him once a month.. I think there is a chance but dont chase him. Be the ungettable girl.. Be great but dont beg or ask him to be with you.
check this:
The Ungettable Girl
Branda
September 14, 2016 at 12:40 am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and he broke up with me saying that I am the perfect girl for him, but he is still not ready for commitment, he still needs to party and meet other people (hook up etc.). I started NC rule ten days after the break up, and in 5 days 30 days will be over. I don’t want to contact him first, but I don’t think that he will contact me either. I thought of waiting for about ten more days, and then appear on the same event as him, all dressed up, positive and act like I am totally fine and recovered, but I am not sure whether that will attract him to me again. Any suggestions?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 16, 2016 at 7:20 pm
Hi Branda,
it’s ok if you want to use that event as a start on building rapport and attraction, but it wont take just one night for a lasting commitment.. Yes, he might find you attractive on that night he might want to talk again but thta doesn’t mean he would want to talk to you always just because of that..he might miss you, and best case is he would want to get back with you, but dont just rely on that night.. A lasting relationship is a process.
Lekesha
September 11, 2016 at 5:32 am
Hello,
My ex and I were together for 5 years until last October – it was a LDR in which we talked everyday. It was a mutual break-up and we ended things very friendly. We continued to text quite often and even skype a couple times since then. When he is back in town, he also asks to meet up so we’ve met in person for casual drinks about 2-3 times now. Everything has been friendly.
I’ve recently went through some hard times and that caused me to miss him more. He was going on a business trip to a different city and I offered to meet him there for half-day just as friends. I though that he would be ok because just the month before he had mentioned to share a room for another trip so that we could save on costs. This time, he was hesitant and I pulled my offer back and said we should go separate ways. He responded that it’s probably not the best idea and that we are doing well and can continue as good friends. I agreed and we changed the subject.
Since then, he’s texted twice about other things. I have not responded to his last text and he’s been back in town. I decided to implement the NC for 30 days to figure out myself more. However, he hasn’t tried texting again and even though he’s back in town, he hasn’t even reached out to meet up like he would the other times he’s been in town in the past.
Should I continue NC? Has he moved on??? I really regret offering to meet up – it was a moment of weakness…what should i do now? Maybe I scared him with the offer and made him think about things more clearly..? We’ve been friendly exes for several months now, but now its like we broke up all over again..I feel very hurt that he hasn’t reached out, even though i’m doing NC.
Becky
September 24, 2016 at 10:52 pm
Hello! You mentioned to me on here before that I may have been the rebound. I definitely think it is a possibility. In the video I watched, Chris said that even though him and his ex are getting back together, there was a reason they broke up before and it is likely to happen again. Here is the thing, though: He broke up with her for me in the beginning. We ended up talking and then getting together. Now that he is getting back with her, does it mean these feelings are still likely to occur again and that he will want to be with me or that it is less likely?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 10:45 am
I think I made a mistake. I’m sorry and I’m going to quote what you previously said explain why I misunderstood the comment.
“You see, when our relationship began he had been talking with, but ended up stopping in order to be with me. So, after months of us being friends and getting to know each other, we finally become “official” so to speak. Then, after four months, he ends up breaking up with me and she her boyfriend not even a week after we break up. Should I just give up hope completely on getting him back? And if not, is it too late because I failed at NC at first?”
I thought they were already broken up, but he still kept talking to her but he stopped to give your budding relationship a chance. If they we’re not broken up yet when he started talking to you, that means you’re more of a grass is greener case. And then now, he may have realized the grass isn’t greener because he missed her or she improved herself.
So, if that’s the case, if you didn’t fight much, once they have fights again, he might remember you and if you are improving yourself, he will probably keep comparing the two of you.
Lekesha
September 13, 2016 at 2:12 am
Hi Lekesha,
Thank you for your honest advice. I just don’t understand how he can so easily friendzone me after so many years together. He texts me often and even just last month, suggested we share a room for another trip coming up….did he friendzone me since then? I’d hope that his feelings for me would not just disappear like that…I keep overanalyzing all the past texts and convos.
To be clear, I’ll do NC for 21-30 days. Even if he reaches out, I will not respond. He’s liked my facebook posts recently so I’ll continue to post positive posts. I’ll take this time to focus on improving myself and doing things that make me happy. I’ve deleted apps so I don’t cyber stalk him and I’m going to go on some dates to meet other guys. Once NC is up, I’ll send a friendly positive text. Sound like a plan? Anything else I should keep in mind?
I’ve read almost all the articles on NC and I will stick to it until at least 21 days. I’m just afraid that this will give him more time to move on without me…I hear what all these articles on NC are saying, but its just easier said than done!..Really appreciate your insight though
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 2:35 pm
Yep, you had the right. That’s the plan. That’s why you need to improve yourself and be more rational during nc, he has already moved on, so that’s not really something new after nc.. One of the aim of your nc, is for him to think you have accepted his decision and that it’s safe to start over as friends and to think of you as the ungettable girl.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Hi Lekesha,
I think you had the wrong expectation because you asked if he has moved on.. and I think he has, he just friendzoned you after the break up but you were expecting something else so when he declined being there when you emotionally needed him, it hurt and then you stopped responding to his texts..
which might have made him realize, that he unconsciously lead you on and that you were hurt and you’re still expecting, so he’s laying low too so that you can fully move on because for him, he was just being friendly all this time..
I’m not saying that it’s your fault that you expected, it’s normal because you still love him..I’m just saying my perspective..
yes, you should do nc, so that you acn heal and really start over as friends first..listen to this one: EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Missm
September 8, 2016 at 2:15 am
No contact does not work for everyone. Been with ex for 3 years. Gone NC for over a year and half the ex never contacted me or came back…is this even possible?
Confidential
October 5, 2016 at 7:48 pm
you have to use the no contact for your own benefits like healing yourself …dont use the no contact waiting for his reply to come back to you again. If he really loves you, he would not let you go.
Becky
September 25, 2016 at 9:14 pm
Okay! Thank you so much! So, you do think there is a possibility to get back together even though he’s back with her now? Would my best bet be to just do NC and keep improving myself?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 10:02 am
Yes and yes becky! 🙂 Just take it slow ok? The nc is not the answer to it all, it’s just the first step. You have to slowly build rapport after.
Becky
September 24, 2016 at 9:00 am
This has to do with what I was going to ask. Chris, my ex and I broke up almost a month ago. I tried to do the NC but ended up failing miserably on a few occasions. I recently found out that my ex broke up with me and started dating his ex from the past. Also, I find out that his ex broke up with her boyfriend around the same time. (My guess is so that they could be together). You see, when our relationship began he had been talking with, but ended up stopping in order to be with me. So, after months of us being friends and getting to know each other, we finally become “official” so to speak. Then, after four months, he ends up breaking up with me and she her boyfriend not even a week after we break up. Should I just give up hope completely on getting him back? And if not, is it too late because I failed at NC at first?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 8:48 pm
Hi Becky,
Looks like you were a rebound.. I don’t think that late yet.. so, as a last resort, stick to nc this time and check this one: EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?
Missm
September 10, 2016 at 4:07 pm
I know but at the same time if wants to really move on we can’t really concince someone to be with us or to love us. Sometimes words arent enough actions speak louder. The fact that an ex would not contact you for that long it means a lot. If he would have wanted to be with me or loved me sincerely he would have come back. So no, sometimes it’s not always true that we need to make a contact. In my opinion, the one who left must prove to that they want you especially after a long separation, otherwise we are just trying to convince them. They had time to rethink, mature etc so they should know if they want your in their life. It just sad that some people would use NC thinking it will work for everyone. Sometimes its not the case it will only make us realise that the other person didnt love us as much as we did.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 9:02 am
that’s right! Actually it’s the same process to moving on the only difference is that you dont initiate..
When a guy has really decided to move on, initiating texting after nc, means you have to keep in mind that you’re starting over as friends, you’re not there to convince him back.. Build rapport first and attraction.. Like when you like a person that you’re just starting to get to know with..
Missm
September 9, 2016 at 5:32 pm
We broke up because i was looking for an engagement after 3 years together and he wasnt ready so he decided to end it. I tried everything hanging out with friends, enroll to a gym, activities, reading, spend time with family etc. I cant contact him cause i feel like he was the one who broke up and he should be contacting me especially if he wasnt ready for an engagement. It just break my heart that after all this time he never contacted me again. We used to talk alot, spend time together and be bestfriends. And now its almost like i never existed. I don’t know if he’s dating someone else, it’s not showing on his social media and I’ve never heard anything about it for the last year. Thanks for your reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 12:52 pm
You’re welcome.. With ours, it’s ok for us that you initiate and rebuild rapport after a certain time.. Because if he’s the one who broke up with, then it’s really more likely that he will just continue not talking to you if he was really decided on moving on.. Especially if he didn’t want to commit.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 10:09 am
Hi Missm
yes, it’s not for everyone.
Why did you break up and how much have you improved over the year? And also, you can initiate after a certain time. You can’t just wait for him to contact you..
Riley
September 8, 2016 at 12:04 am
My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago I would say. I did not text him at least once after the break up. He then texted me a week later saying he’s afraid to be without me and doesn’t know if we should be together and other things. I asked him if he still loves me he said he loves me but doesn’t think he’s in love with me anymore . We fought a lot, I wasn’t happy with him or the way he was handling things. I always got mad at him and I guess he was fed up with it. A month after the break up, he texted me happy birthday and that I deserve the best and I will get it, and he told me to take care. I said you too thanks. Has he moved on already? I will not contact him first for sure, if he wants to talk to me he will. I am just curious on whether if he has moved on
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 9:57 am
Hi Riley,
yeah, looks like he chose to move on.. I’m not saying he already has but he chose to continually move on.
Nia
September 7, 2016 at 1:27 pm
Hi Team
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 15 months, we finished the end of the July because he said he wanted to be on his own as we were in each other’s pockets, but carried on talking treating it as a break within 4 days we were back together and he was saying how much he loves me missed me and how I am the best thing to ever happen to him and he would never hurt me again. Since then everything was fine up until the start of September he finished me again explaining he wanted to give it another go last time but due to the arguments which in my opinion are very minor but because he has no experience in a relationship he doesn’t see it like that, he doesn’t have the time and effort to try again and he wants to be on his own. When we split up I wrongly continued talking to him for about a week he said he missed me I use to mean the world to him but right now he wants to be on his own. All very confusing. I personally think he does love me but he needs time to realise that as he has experienced a lot of people leaving him in his life and all this began after I graduated in university when he is only now finding himself a career. I started the NC period yesterday but I’m finding it extremely difficult not talking him his best friend has moved to Dubai today and I know he will be feeling low what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hi Nia,
he can manage. He’s an adult. If he really needs someone to talk to, he’ll find somebody. He can still talk to his friend even his far away. Focus in yourself right now.
Tania
September 5, 2016 at 7:03 pm
Hi Amor,
I have a tricky and complicated question: is it okay to transfer money to his bank account while in no contact?
I don’t want him to think that I’m needy and I want him to call me, using money transactions.
To give you some more details, we had the most nasty break up in history because I was lying to him about my education, while we were living together in a foreign country and he was covering fully my life expenses.He found out on his own, broke up with me, sent me to my home country and told me explicitly that we are done for good.
It is the second time I write here, you even used my Hollywod worthy story in one of your articles (it’s fine with me,no worries). Maybe you remember me now? I’m 30, he’s 34.
I’m doing far better than the last time I wrote here. I’m working part time and taking care of my studies. Now, I just want to transfer him a decent sum of money, because I do not wish him believing his whole life that I was exploiting his generosity and love towards me when we were living together.
I also want to be a decent person and since I got better chances to earn money in my home country, I can transfer X amount of money in his bank by tomorrow. His potential reaction is that it troubles me.
As for me, I haven’t contacted him since we exchanged my things and never again will, because he hurt my pride by throwing me out and I hurt his pride too by lying to him, when he trusted me 100%.
I have accepted his decision to break up with me and I understand him now, a relationship is built in trust and I can’t do anything to convince him.
I do not contact him, due to acceptance of my responsibility on how things between us ended, not because I believe him to come back if I implement no contact. I love him and I’m letting him go, simple.
I’m just afraid of his interpretation of my action (the money transfer to him), if he would think that I use the money to establish contact and if he would classify my action as a form of neediness. I want to do it only out of respect to his efforts during our relationship and to preserve my dignity, not in order to convince him that I’m “better” and “trustworthy” now.
What are your thoughts and professional advice on this delicate and complicated situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 5:02 pm
Hi Tania,
I’m happy that you’re doing better! For me, message him first about why you’re sending the money and then send the money after a day or two, so that whether he replies or not, at least you’ve let him known what your true intention is.
J
September 4, 2016 at 11:47 am
Hi team,
I broken up with my ex boyfriend in last nov, but we were getting back together in this June. However , our relationship seems doesn’t work well. He had cheaten on me but I chose to forgive and we both agreed to start again the relationship. Things changed so fast and had so many flips and turns in June and July (that we get back together). He commuted something but at the end he said it was all lies. Just because he didn’t want to hurt me so he chose to lie to me to say some good and sweet words. At the end, he said he didn’t want to continue and the feelings to me has gone.
The last conversation on phone we both got fed up and ended it not in a good way. I started the NC and now almost complete the NC…he didn’t contact me as all, not even a text, call or post anything that shown he misses / wants to say sorry.
I have no idea what is he thinking, maybe he has moved on or already forgot me?
Should I wait or re-connect him after completing the NC ?
Ps : we are in the long distance relationship
Thanks for your advice.
J
J
September 7, 2016 at 4:15 am
Hi Amor,
Yes , I am doing NC for 25 days already. I have been active in social life that hang out with friends , make myself busy and show my positive side on my social media. I am not sure did my ex see any posts of my on Facebook / Instagram, but he didn’t contact me at all.
Do you think I should contact him first after the NC is finished ? Or I should just wait for him to contact me first ?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 7:56 am
That’s good! Continue those activites even after nc. And yes, you can initiate contact. Check this articles for the first contact message and for texting rules: Click them 🙂
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 2:39 pm
Hi J,
how long did you do nc and did you improve yourself? Were you active in social media?
Anne
September 3, 2016 at 3:40 am
My ex for a year broke up with me about four months ago wirh no good reason. He was going to a long trip and he said lets talk again when I am back. No one begged, no one plead, but we kept in touch for almost two months after the breake up. Mostly I started the conversation with a text message, and then he was the one who made the call. And then, about one month and a half ago, I told him that I could no longer do this and I deserved more in a relation. From that time on, there was no contact whatsoever. I am a little confused, as I am not if I am doing the no contact ( b/c He hasn’t contact me at all) and am I not folling myself having hope? …
Annen
September 4, 2016 at 12:46 pm
No. A mission trip for three months to another country
Thanks for your reply
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 2:49 pm
You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 9:38 am
Hi Anne,
truth is, it’s less likely that he wants to be back with you now.. is the trip for recreational purposes? If yes, then that means he broke up because he wants to have fun without having to explain to you anything right?
And your mistake is that you stayed friends with him after the break up, when you could have leveraged that to make him miss you.. but I understand. I think your best option is to stay in no contact and keep improving yourself until he’s back.. reconnect when he’s back but keep improving yourself and dont be too available.. be active in social media too
Tiffany
September 1, 2016 at 5:17 pm
Hello,
My ex and I broke up and the beginning of July and it is now September. Days after the break up she was in a new relationship with a guy and they seemed to be moving pretty fast. During the whole two months we weren’t together we still talked almost everyday and hung out a few times. I begged and pleaded for her to take me back and give me a chance nothing worked. A few days ago I gave her an ultimatum and she picked to see where things will go with the guy. I told her we couldn’t be friends then and I wouldn’t talk to her anymore for a while. I started the nc period yesterday for 30 days and today she already contacted me about starting my new job. I have come to the conclusion for over a year now that I would marry her and she agreed so I really want her back. Will the no contact rule be worth it still or no?
Tiffany
September 3, 2016 at 5:16 pm
Thank you for the reply. We didnt really try to be friends it was more me still trying to get her back. I just got tired of the games and still cared too much. It has now been 4 days in the nc period and she is still contacting me multiple times every day. Should I make it 21 days or stick with 30?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 4:45 pm
nope stick with 30 and be active in improving yourself too
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 12:39 pm
HI Tiffany,
we don’t guarantee that it will work.. but in your situation, you’ve tried being friends and didn’t work right? I think you this is your different approach.. stay strong and improve yourself while in it.
Melissa
September 1, 2016 at 12:01 am
My ex and i have been broken up since Jan.. He dumped me and we have been on and off since..literally up and down and I’m emotionally exhausted. He stopped caring, doing nice things, I felt taken for granted and he wouldn’t commit…
anyways, I started the NC out of the blue and he was a frantic caller..he literally called and messaged like crazy for 3 days and wouldn’t give up, finally he said he was coming by to get his stuff. I replied saying I’d put his stuff on my patio but until he could give me what i wanted, a relationship etc then not to talk to me. He immediately started accusing me of being with another guy and my reason for ignoring him…I kept replying but he won’t listen to me and now he is ignoring me. He just kept accusing me of being with someone else.
Should I start no contact again? I’ve tried a lot these past few montbs but the longest I’ve gone was 10 days.. Every time i try he cobra ts me and i reply eventually.
Melissa
September 1, 2016 at 8:20 pm
Thank you..do you i should try it one last time and stick to it or just play it cool?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 1:44 pm
stick to it..
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 1:28 pm
HI Melissa,
that’s because he’s used to you just chasing him… the more you do nc, the less the effect.. SO, if you’re going to do it this time, stick to it.
Jen
August 29, 2016 at 7:21 am
Hi i love your website.
my ex and i ended things on a sour note. I was the one who initiated the breakup. this is already our second time we’re together (the first was 4 years ago). As much as i was the one who asked for the breakup, I really still love him. after the breakup, I appeared needy and desperate to my ex to the point he doesn’t even want to reply my texts. As days passed after the breakup, it felt one sided and i couldnt take it anymore so we got into a huge argument before we started NC. Along the way, I came across this website. 44 painful days have passed since then (insert sad dramatic music). Going out, meeting my friends etc has really helped me to stop thinking about him but it’s the time when I’m sitting at home doing nothing that my thoughts would wander. Should I give up? Should I prolong NC? Should I be the one to break the NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 9:46 pm
Hi jen,
how are you now?
Emily S.
August 28, 2016 at 2:25 pm
Chris,
I met a guy last year through a work function who seemed to be very into me. We had great conversation and had a very strong bond. We would talk for hours at a time and have really deep conversations. Id liken our interactions to a soul mate type bond where everything is intensified far beyond the normal relationship type progression. He was attracted to me physically and made it clear that he respected me greatly and thought I was a great catch. He told me I made him feel alive and brought great joy to his life. We continued this pattern of bonding over a 3-4 month period, talking daily. All of a sudden without warning, he started to fade out of my life so I told him that I was very interested in him and tried to reassure him that I cared for him deeply, I never sent a barrage of texts or was out of line, I remained calm. Our last conversation was pleasant but it seemed as though he declared that he wasn’t ready to commit without actually having the courage to come forward and say it directly. It also seemed as though his kindness was rather fake which was off putting. He gave me no real explanation for why he suddenly dropped me out of the blue and only said that he would like to remain in touch, which to me is a cliche way of politely rejecting someone without having to feel guilty about it. I removed him from all social media and went into strict no contact for 45 days, he did not try to reach out to me at all during NC. I did not break NC at all during the entire 45 day period. I sent him a message following the exact recommendations of the site , he has read receipts on and he read my message. That was 3 day ago and I never got a response and now Im devastated and I honestly feel humiliated. I feel like the woman who got rejected and then was desperate enough to come back for more. I can strongly sense that my message was an ego boost to him and he isn’t going to respond just so he can feel more powerful as if he’s gods gift to women. I thought about remaining in no contact for as long as it took, up to 90 days if possible and not sending the post NC text and then if he didn’t care enough to reach out I would have remained in permanent NC. I appreciate your advice on this site but is being the one to initiate the post NC text really a good idea for the person who was rejected initially? Does that not make the person desperate? I feel a worse sense of rejection now than I did when this happened originally. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 5:13 pm
Hi Emily S,
it depends on why you were rejected. The advises are not fit for all of course.. If you need to extend nc, that’s ok.
Jami Pavankumar
August 26, 2016 at 2:33 pm
hi,
my gf left me 1 week back after that continuously 3 days i mailed her like i wont disturb you again . before that 1 month i begged very much to stay with me. but after so many discussion she convinced and stayed 2 days normally again we had small argument then again she started the same that i dont want you. she is worrying about that i will not give freedom to her. and she also want be alone. and finally she told that we wont be happy in relation. i will marry another guy. we are in relation for 5 years.. from last six months she is worried about that am not spending with her. now in started NC Rule on 4th day. please suggest me what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 9:04 am
Hi Jami,
focus in yourself only now. Heal, improve and meet new people.. Do 45 days
Mary
August 26, 2016 at 12:27 pm
Hey !
My bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago, after a year of relationship. It was out of the blue, I though we were happy together, one week before he broke up we were on vacation together (that he surprised me), and two days before the broke up he also invited me to go to another trip with him. So, suddenly, I was in my home town and he didnt even tell me he was coming, he just appeared in my front door after work and told me I loved him more than he does me, and we needed to end the relationship. I asked him the reason why, he said that before he started dating with me, 3 months before he was leaving from a relationship of 3 years and that didnt help. I am applying the NC rule for already 3 weeks… but he is not sending me anything at all also. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 8:55 am
Hi Mary,
did he reconnect with his ex? are you actively improving yourself now?
Tabitha
August 25, 2016 at 11:08 pm
Hello! So I was wondering if there is still a chance that me and my ex can be together if I broke no contact and I’m starting over. I text my boyfriend around day 22 and we talked about what we’ve been up to lately. I text him the next day to see if he wanted to hang out but he didn’t seem very excited. We hung out the day after that. He made it clear he only wants to be friends and seemed very distant and it didn’t seem like he wanted to be with me at all. I understand I shouldn’t have broke no contact. I have started it over so I was wondering if you guys see situations like this a lot and if I still have a good chance. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 3:33 pm
Hi Tabitha,
it was too fast.. after nc, texts first to build rapport, and then calls and then meet ups and he has to see that you’ve moved on first for him to think that you’re just starting out as friends.
lucy
August 24, 2016 at 6:21 pm
hi, my bf broke up with me a week ago. I have been going through ur guide and i have come to the conclusion that my bf falls in the angry guy category. U see, i have been the love of his life for the past 10years. But, i have had my share of relationships in the past. He was a very good friend of mine and only told me that he loves me 2 years back. I too had feelings for him, so i accepted. Things were going very smoothly but there was something about him that i didnt quite like. for the past 2 years, he has kept my relationship with him in the dark from everyone, be it family or friends. he also asked me to do the same, and i did as he asked me to because i never thought much about it. but, recently after we completed our 2nd aniversary i told him that it was time we let others knew about us. but he didnt listen. his excuse was that people will say bad stuff about me if they came to know about us. which is true to a bit. but, i just lost my patience and uploaded a picture of the two of us in fb and tagged him to it. the reaction was something that i had never anticipated. not only did every1 critiseze our relationship, but his friends suggested that he dumped me and find some1 better. and i guess he took their suggestions, because he has dumped me and doesnt recieve my calls or replies to my texts. he blocks every no that i call him from. i know that if i apply the no contact rule, he will play the angry guy part. so, is there any way that i can win him back? i truly love him and i know that he loves me deeply too. also, i cant bear to live with the feeling that i have lost the only guy who has ever truly loved me and cared for me. please help……
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 5:54 pm
Hi Lucy,
I know this is too personal. But why was a lot of people against the relationship? Is it illegal or something? If this is too personal, you can email us instead in [email protected]
because If I was in your position, being hidden is a deal breaker for me