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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

  1. Lisa Marie

    July 21, 2016 at 9:25 am

    My ex and I were together for 4 years, then I moved out and we did the long distance. After 3 yrs of this my ex told me his feelings for me had diminished. We stayed in contact and a few months later he came to work in my city for a year. During this time we hung out a couple times a week, no sex, but he would give me a hug and kiss goodbye all the time. After over 9 months of this I told him that this ‘friends’ thing was too hard and either we try to make it work again or part ways. He choose to part ways. This was 3 mths ago and I’m still so hard broken. Haven’t heard from him since. I did however pass him on the street in our vehicles and he gave me a half ass wave a couple weeks ago. I didn’t wave back. After being in his life for the last 8 years I can’t believe he can just act like I dont’ exist anymore. We didn’t even fight or argue, we never really did in all the years we were together. Why would he choose to ‘move on’ when we seemed to be getting along while he was in town? P.S. He’s still here for another couple months working, but like I said, I haven’t heard from him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 22, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      Hi Lisa Marie,

      Because he’s not attracted enough or there’s no desire..

  2. Kathleen

    July 19, 2016 at 8:24 pm

    Hello Chris,
    I have just completed my 30 days of NC on my ex boyfriend. Basically this is the 2nd time we have broke off – the first time, he found out I was cheating on him and we stopped talking for 8 months till I reconnected with him. Though he treated me really badly I continued on for the next 1.5 years where he started treating me nicer.
    During this time, he had never acknowledged me officially to be his girlfriend to his friends and family. I did all I could to treat him extremely nice and very often, I was taken for granted and treated like a door mat.
    A month ago, he found me on a dating website and questioned me about it. Even though I have explained that I had never met up nor exchanged contacts with the men I spoke to but he refused to believe me and since then we stopped talking.
    I am extremely confused what I should do next – many friends had persuaded me to leave him because he is just “toxic” and out to make use of me again like the past. I still love and miss him very much. I don’t intend to initiate the contact after the 30 days NC period as I am afraid of disappointment. I wish for him to contact me but I am at a loss what to do now. Since this is the 2nd break up and till now after the 30 days NC period he has not contacted me. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 21, 2016 at 11:54 am

      Hi kathleen,

      you said he didn’t acknowledge you being back together with friends and family, but dod he tell that to you? that you’re back together?

      because if he did, your mistake was you’re too nice.. and then you were in a dating site..

      if he didn’t say it straight to you, then it’s ok to be in the dating site..

      right now,.if you ever recinnect,.you have to be clear with each other first of what the status is because if not, he will continue to guilt trip you..and you shouldn’t allow it.. have your own life.. know your limits

  3. Ruth

    July 14, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I share a business together. I am doing the NC but he always finds business related matters to talk to me about. Should I respond briefly then carry on the silence?

    1. Ruth

      July 22, 2016 at 9:56 am

      Hi there
      Sharing the business has been so hard during the NC. When we talk sometimes there is tension and we end up fighting because sometimes he asks me silly things just to get my attention and they are business related. Will this work? I don’t know what to do.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 22, 2016 at 7:59 pm

      hmm..who gets pissed first?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 15, 2016 at 1:12 pm

      hi Ruth,

      it’s ok as long as you don’t have small talk

  4. Sue

    July 14, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    I did exactly that..broke the nc rule after 13 days. Turns out, I’m still blocked..I called him on a friend’s number and he blocked me on that too. Sent him an email that he won’t reply to so yea, I broke it hard. We have a long distance relationship and I haven’t seen him in a month..have I completely ruined my chance? I have no idea why he’s going through such great lengths to ignore me??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2016 at 8:36 pm

      no sue.. jtey to restart and do 45 days amd be really active in improving yourself

  5. Lola Rosa

    July 13, 2016 at 7:10 am

    Hello!

    I have a question regarding the “moving on without moving on” strategy.
    My ex broke up with me about 4 months ago. I went into 25 days NC. He never contacted me during it but I initiated texts after. Things started going well but confusing because he was very hot & cold. One day he’d treat me like FWB only but then next time like we were by/gf. He gave me false hope in things he said but his actions spoke otherwise. Basically strung me along. To make matters worse not soon after my NC with him & us hanging out he began sleeping with another girl and he hid it from me. I guess he became more interested in spending time with the new girl over me because he began ignoring my texts. It was hurtful because we used to mutually initiate texts daily & saw each other 2-3 times a week & he just stop wanting to be around me without explain satin. He told me I was clingy because I asked him to hang out constantly. I admit I did ask him every few days to do something, and he would blow me off or ignore me, I asked to hang out because I knew he was spending time way more time with the other girl than with me & I wanted to continue hanging out to steal his attention from her. But it really wasn’t crazy. He called me borderline psycho how much I asked him to hang out he said I was sufficating & needy. I ended up telling him I know he is with another girl and has a new gf. He just laughed and said she is “just a friend” He even told his friends how I’m a crazy ex gf.

    Anyways I went into NC again. It’s been almost 3 weeks since we had that horrible conversation. I have been SUPER active. I know I need to show him I have my own life that doesn’t revolve around him & I believe I have done that pretty well so far.

    My question is this NC I know I definitely need to do at least 45 days. Thing is I don’t know if I even want to contact him after that time anyways. Especially if he is still sleeping with the other girl. Which as far as I know he still is. I think the moving on without moving on strategy would work best. My question is I been actively posting on snapchat. Almost daily. He views all my stories each time. He posts maybe 1-2 stories a week but I don’t look at them. For the moving without moving on should I block him on snapchat (my only social media I actually update/use constantly). So he doesn’t see what I’m up to? Is it better for the moving on strategy having him wonder what I’ve been up to instead of him seeing almost daily my activities?

    1. lola Rosa

      July 13, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      Thanks Chris!

      Do you think based on what I told you 45 days NC might get him to reply to me if I reach out? I just want to be successful (have us be on good terms again talking and being a part of each others lives. Have him not ignore me and see me in a negative light, especially when he bad mouths me to his friends). OR should I wait longer? Any extra tips would also be much appreciated 🙂

    2. Chris Seiter

      July 13, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      Nope… I think it would be more effective if he saw that you were living your life in an amazing way.

  6. Europe Bound

    July 8, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    My ex fiance and I got engaged April 5, 2015. In June 2015 we bought our first house together. She paid for all the wedding stuff while I took care of the home and utilities. The first week of May 2016 I got sick with bronchitis. During this time she would stay late at work and started hanging out with her coworkers including one male coworker. Not wanting to be at home with her sick fiance was very unlike her. She was always wanting to spend more and more time with me over the two years we were together. I couldn’t keep her off of me and I didn’t want to. We were so happy and bubbly it made other couples sick at our selfies we took while hiking, vacationing, and even going to the gym together. Smacking each others butts and laughing all the time. Then out of no where she says she wants space. I say ok and she goes to the beach with her parents for the weekend. I come home from work excited to see her because she has been gone for 3 days and I see her truck is backed up to the house. I walk in and the house is empty. She says she isn’t happy, she continues to stare at the floor while I calmly suggest counseling with our pastor. She just keeps saying she isn’t happy, it is her not me. She gives a big hug, says she is going to miss me, and gives me back the engagement ring. The next weekend she goes to her parents beach house and has stayed down there the entire summer. I read a few books a followed the no contact rule. Since she did come over to give me some things of mine she took by mistake, I waited until July 6th to text her. I have lost 15 lbs, conquered my fear of roller coasters, kayaking, rock climbing, hiking, fishing, 4 wheeling, and I made sure to post it on facebook with my friends with me. I sent her this text two days ago, “Hey, I hope you are enjoying the beach and had a wonderful 4th. This has been a rather interesting summer for me. I’ll be at the beach in the next week or so. It’d be nice to hang out and catch up.” I have not tried a follow up but I still have not heard from her. I have tickets for her and I to go to Europe for 9 days at the end of July. It was a trip we planned together in April. I cannot get a refund on the tickets or have them transferred to another person. I want her to go with me even if it is just as friends but I don’t think she even wants to see or speak to me. We are both teachers, at different schools, and the $5000 price tag on the trip was a once in a lifetime kind of thing. We were due to get married Oct. 8th but she cancelled all the wedding stuff. I just don’t know what to do from here other than take the trip without if I don’t hear back from her. Should I text back in a week and mention the trip?

    1. Europe Bound

      July 13, 2016 at 4:30 pm

      I contacted her. She was very polite and cheerful. I asked about the trip to Europe and she said should would love to go someday but she had made other plans. She thought I had found someone else to take and wasn’t taking her. I explained I could not transfer or get a refund on the tickets. My only two options were to take her or go alone. During the 30 day no contact period she had booked a cruise with friends and said she can’t go to Europe. She said she wants to hang out just as friends when she gets back in August but no trip to Europe.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      take that opportunity as a leverage for you..to get a breather..but that’s still in november right? you should focus in improving yiurself now and establishing you have moved on before rebuilding rapport and attraction with her

    3. Europe Bound

      July 8, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      I know they hung out while we were engaged and took a lot of selfies together which were a little inappropriate for an engaged woman. Exp. “Her riding on his back in a bikini at the pool. I wasn’t there.” Especially since her and I hadn’t posted a pic in over a month. He is in Europe at the moment with family. He lost his job as a teacher the same day she moved out because he got another teacher he worked in the same classroom with pregnant. I know her parents don’t like him because even though he is funny, charismatic, 6’5″ basketball player … they know he likes to get around. I haven’t spoke with her but according to mom, they have only hung out or spoke once since she moved out.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2016 at 12:10 pm

      ok.. ask her nicely.. tell her you just want confirm if she’s still open to go to Europe as friends and if not you would understand

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 8, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      Hi Europe bound,

      you mentioned another guy, are they together now?

  7. Frost

    July 6, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    Hello, I had previously posted a comment and idk where it went Im sorry if I make you answer twice but I really need help please. So me and my boyfriend of 8 months dated doing long distance. Two months ago we broke up and I was devastated. I tried doing nc 3 times but failed. During the thrid time I was really seriously about and told him I needed time to heal. He went crazy after to days and started texting me a lot eventhough I ignored him. I explained to him again why I was doing it and it seemed like he understood but then two days later he texted me again. At first he was mad but then he wrote a really long text about how much I meant to him and how he really wanted me to be in his life for a long time even if we were not together. Then he called me and said how hurt he was that I ignored him and he wants to talk to me everyday like we used to when we were together. Then I asked him what he truly wanted with me and he said he want everything the way it was but without being bf and gf because we cannot have a true close distance relationship. He said his feelings for me have not change and will not change in the near future and all he wants me in his life. But I want him to commit to me and be exclusive and be bf and gf. I dont know what to do. Please help me, I love this guy and I just want him to want to be my bf again. What do I do?

    1. Frost

      July 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      By figure out I mean that he knows that I wouldnt talk to him for a month.
      He will think I am crazy if I tell him for the 4th time that Im not gonna talk to him. I really dont think that nc would work he is just going to tell me to f*** off because he already tried to talk me out off it so many times and he will say to not even think about trying to talk to him again cuz I am going to drive him crazy. I just know that he would be pissed off at me and he would just think that Im an undecisive psycho.
      Is there any other way? I know he really likes me but he just doesnt want commitment.
      Thank you for your help!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 8, 2016 at 5:55 am

      the best way is to still proceed to no contact and not let his emotions control and then massively improve yourself.. he knows you’re going to chase him if he gets angry, so the least he expects is for you to excel without him

    3. Frost

      July 6, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      Btw I do not think that doing nc would work because he figured it out and said tha wouldnt work on him.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      hi frost,

      I’l copy paste my answer here.. but how do you say that he figured it out? he knows it’s called the no contact rule?

      Hi Frost,

      he didn’t actually figure it out.. tell him that you can’t contnminue being his friend for now and you have to stop talking to him for a while to heal and that you’ll reach out once you are.. but don’t tell him for how long and then stay strong in nc and you have to do 45 days

  8. Maggie

    July 6, 2016 at 2:54 am

    Hi I would love some advice! My boyfriend and I broke up 15 days ago after going out for 2 years. We are both 23 and met at university, and lived together for the majority of that time. We had a great relationship, there were no trust issues and we both love and respected each other. We also have a pet cat. However 6 months ago we both moved home, while I looked for a job and he saved for a trip to Asia with his friends (I didn’t go as I couldn’t afford it at the time). Our hometowns are 6 hours away from each other, so we have been doing long distance and seeing each other approx once a month for a few days as we’re both working full time. He was supposed to be coming for the weekend a few weeks ago, but I could feel something wasn’t right (we have always had great communication, however it had been off for the past month or so which I put down to a lot of new life stresses and was hoping to talk about it when I saw him that weekend) anyway, I text to ask if everything was OK and he ended up calling that night saying he was only planning to come for the weekend to break up with me. He said long distance was too hard, and that there was no end in sight for that to change. He also said he’s not sure if he still loves me, that he’s confused and that he “wants to travel” which I certainly do too. He also really sucker punched me with “did you really think this was going to last forever?” I’m finding out in two weeks if about a job 1.5 hours away from him and he said even that’s not close enough.I was a mess on the phone, however didn’t beg for him back I jut was in shock. Two days later I wrote him a long Skype message explaining that I understand and just want him to be happy. He replied thanking me for understanding and being so kind. We haven’t spoken since. I’m just curious as to your opinion on what to do next? I don’t want to waste an opportunity at getting him back by rushing things when nothing’s changed, but I also don’t want to lose him forever when he’s so fantasic.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 9:43 am

      hi maggie,

      do you want to do active nc?

  9. Unsure

    July 5, 2016 at 8:01 am

    Hi, I haven’t been actively trying to get back with my ex, but have found myself reflecting on our relationship a lot as of late. We broke up in May and we continued to see each other for about a week post breakup. In that week, he made me believe there was a chance for reconciliation(I met his parents, he talked about our wedding and future kids, etc.) Point being by the end of that week, he indicated to me that once he left for his summer internship, I’d be his ex-girlfriend. After that remark, I didn’t talk to him for a week but did send him a message wishing him luck on his trip. He did end up messaging me thanks and about a week later he wished me luck on my final exam. I never contacted him after wishing him luck on his trip. The last message he sent me was wishing me luck on a final, giving me words of encouragement. It has been 40+ days since he sent that message and I genuinely wasn’t trying to do NC, it sort of just happened. I didn’t really want to talk to him after what happened. Unfortunately, as time passes I seem to miss him and although I have been happy and enjoying life, this distance has made me realize that I’d like to share my happiness with him. Basically, the whole point of my post is to ask whether or not I should initiate contact. He hasn’t really tried to contact me so I am unsure as to what I should do. Time has passed more quickly than I imagined. I almost want to take some extra time to myself to make sure I don’t end up getting hurt if he doesn’t respond or if he doesn’t reciprocate the emotions. He was very loving throughout even up to the end. Although his actions were those of love and he was clingy, he told me he didn’t love me anymore when we were breaking up. I don’t know if me talking to him is just giving him another opportunity to tell me he doesn’t love me. I feel like I have moved on with my life and am in good spirits. I’d hate to have to start over.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      Hi Unsure,

      if you can handle him telling you thag he’s not ready yet, then that means you really are on your way of moving on.. if not then extend nc and be more active in improving yourself

  10. Lucy

    July 3, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    I was with my ex boyfriend for 10 years. Yes, I know a long time. I have been in school and this past semester has been extremely difficult for me and by ex lives an hour away. We weren’t spending quality time together or talking as much which led him to feeling disconnected from the relationship. I know that it takes two to work in a relationship. I failed to communicate my feelings with him and he broke up with me after school ended. I was happy for school to end so that we could work on “us” but then he breaks it off.

    I was in shock when it happened. I have not begged him to take me back or tried to make him feel sorry for me, but I am guilty of constantly texting. I have since stopped. I have come to terms that it is over, for my own sanity, but I am having a hard time sticking to No contact.

    He says that I can still still talk to him if it will help and he says that he still loves me and always will. Before this, he says he can’t talk to me anymore because it’s all too emotional for him. Confusing much! I told him that we both need our space to process all this. I am just wondering if there is even a slight chance and if I need to do NC longer than 30 days because we dated longer? And, should i tell that we should cut all communication for a month, or just go straight NC? Any suggestions? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 7:58 pm

      Hi lucy,

      nope,.just go straight nc and 30 days is enough because it’s a general breakup and you were not on and off

  11. Shafeek

    June 29, 2016 at 9:20 pm

    I have been with her4years.Then I left school in febrary 29 it is second last date of febrary.then again I met her in school at may she saw me and smile at me I smile at her.After15minutes I was finding her wen she is in her class she saw me Then she started to ignore me and again iam in no contact.I took mobile and put a coment on youtube and said averything that what I did when I met her in 19th May to breakup expert and he said she is giving u hot and cold give her45day of no contact45day sounds good he said.Again I will meet her at after four month.Will she come back to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 11:05 am

      HI Shafeek,

      there’s a good chance if a person is hot and cold.. you have to improve yourself to influence her decision more on being with you.

  12. Not sure

    June 27, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Amor: you can try to message him again. What was the last message you sent?

    Hi the message i sent was just answering the question he asked about where i saw something he liked. He has not responded at all since last week. Not sure what I should message him again if i send him another message, any suggestions?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 7:37 am

      try a current topic.. anything that is current with what he loves or a current news, current event in your place..

  13. depressed

    June 27, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Hi,
    I was in a relationship for 2 years. We broke up as he didnt want to get married. And he has not contacted me for more than three months now. And even I did not contact him since then. Is it over or is there any chance left? I mean more than three months but not even a single interaction from either ways. Please help 🙁

    1. Depressed

      July 3, 2016 at 1:04 pm

      No. He is not engaged. But now he is not looking for relationships. His parents are finding a suitable match for him. So he will get married to any girl his parents find for him. That’s what I feel And I know through some common contacts. He did so bad to me. He promised he will marry me and the day he had to meet my family. He walked out. Do you really think I should initiate any thing further? He has given me lots of suffering.. Abuses..lies..cheated..and still came back..and the last was to marry me..but he walked out and did not meet my family. All I expect is that he should be guilty. I had to face every thing alone. Will he ever realise?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 7:02 pm

      well, that depends on you.. I want you to move on but as a last chance and for you to realize what you really want, did try to talk to him

    3. Depressed

      July 1, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      As I wrote before that I initiated contact by calling to check up on him. We spoke for a min normally. He said he will call back but didn’t. Instead later in the night he texted “you called..any work?”
      I said no. That’s all. I got to know through his friends that he is planning to get married. Do you think it’s over? Suggest

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      oh as in planning to get married with another girl now? you mean he’s engaged?

    5. depressed

      July 1, 2016 at 11:39 am

      Yes. I have been active in improving myself. I called him a day back and as it was written on the website. I asked him about how he was, just thought to check upon you. We spoke for a min and he said he will call back in sometime(which he didnt). Later in the night he texted “you called, any work?” I said no. Thats all. Do you think its over? Should I think to move on? All i know is he is planning to get married and meeting few girls for the same.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      your reply was no only?

      hmm.. I think you need to keep in mind that he has already moved on and the goal is to build rapport.. it will not happen if you expect him to do that first.. especially if he doesn’t find anything interesting to talk with you..

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:18 am

      Hi Depressed,

      Why not initiate contact? BUt have you been active in improving yourself in the past three months?

  14. Alice

    June 26, 2016 at 2:09 am

    Hey Amor

    My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the year. It was hard on me but he didn’t want long distance and that was fine. I understood. I did the NC 30 day rule maybe another month after we broke up. Later than I wanted but before I was just trying to keep in contact, get that talk to keep going even after he left the state. I sent a few messages, a couple he responded to and I found that he can respond to email, text and FB which actually is annoying me considering if I send a message I don’t know what he will have at the time.

    Anyway…. The latest ones I got him to respond to is where I asked if he could answer a few questions. The first was about getting a camera for someone since I knew he was really into photography. The second was about how another friend of mine moved near where he used to live so if he could give me a few details about the area. When he responded to this one I went something along the lines of “Hey can I get back to this later? I’ve got my final university exams tomorrow and I need to study.” He said that was fine and to go back to it. A few days after I didn’t exactly get back to asking him about that question but I asked ‘what was happening’. He saw it a few days ago and still hasn’t responded. I’m finding he does this. I ask how he is or what is going on and he clamps down. I know he isn’t seeing anyone since one of his army commanders and I are friends (not that he knows) and the handful of girls there are in relationships. But I don’t know. I don’t want to keep asking him questions and I’m very tempted to just go “No personal questions. Gotcha.” but I know I can’t do that either. I’m just kind of scared. After I respond to this question I’ve got nothing really for him to respond to. I’ve tried some of the texting ideas that are in the book the only one that got a response was the ‘guess what!’ one and even then there was no real response afterwards.

    What can I do or say? I’m over the fact that we aren’t together anymore and there is no chance until, if he ever does, gets stationed back home. But just that friendship I miss. And right now, I really need just that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 11:32 am

      HI Alice,

      if it’s really just friendship for now, then talk to him like a friend. YOu should check this post out too: Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

  15. Tania

    June 23, 2016 at 6:28 am

    Hey! I’m looking for some insight and some guidance. You’ll see: I met my ex, let’s call him Joseph, a year ago. Joseph’s the kind of guy who’s flirty with almost any girl, very outgoing and smart. He and some of his guy friends even read books about picking up girls and used to practice that before we met.

    When we met, he would never deny his “past”, but he didn’t admit it soon either. We dated, kissed, had sex and became some kind of friends with benefits. Joseph then admited something aside from the picking up girls: he had a child. He loves his kid very deeply, and I actually liked that about him. We grew really into each other very fast, but we didn’t become a couple until a lot of emotions were involved already.

    It was at that moment he confessed to me what he used to do with his friends (which I already knew, because they were mutual friends and I even went out – in group, not dates – with them out of curiosiy to see how it was done). Joseph said he felt wrong being with me and doing it and that it had been months since he hadn’t approached a girl, and said he “chose” me over keep on doing it. A month after that we said “I love you” and one more month later we became an official couple. By then, it had been about 5 months dating, and all of our friends who knew us thought we were kind of meant to be. His friends told me he “looked happy”; and we actually were.

    To clarify, he’s 21, I’m 24. Long story short, Joseph started to ask me for space (I must admit, when it came to time spent together, I was more into the relationship than he was). When we talked, he said he liked being together, that he felt happy, but he also wanted me to use my time wisely. One day we had a fight and we both overreacted, so he called things off, stating also that he was feeling the longing for going out with his friends and talk to other girls again, which “was a sign that things weren’t going that well”. We tried to stay friends, but there were emotions and desire involved, we fell for temptation many times. A week ago, he said we shouldn’t see each other anymore because he didn’t want to play with my heart; said he knew he was hurting me and himself, but that he was doing it out love. He also told me he was open to become friends and communicate, but not soon (“it’s not a matter of days or a few months”), and said he was no longer CONTEMPLAITING going out with other girls, but that “he WAS GOING to do it for a fact”. I told him I never wanted him to miss out on all the oportunities he could get out of meeting other people and he should do what makes him happy. We said “I love you”-goodbye and haven’t talked ever since.

    My question is: with everything that’s happened, do I still have a chance of getting him back? I’m applying NC mostly because I really want to grow and learn from this experience, but looking back, we were actually very happy together, we share a lot of ideas and values, and – mistakes made aside – our relationship was full of good memories, inside jokes and smart talks and challenges (we’re science students, kind of geeks and a bit of sapiosexuals), so I guess missing him is natural. While we were together, he always mentioned how lucky he was for being with me, and said he didn’t want to be a pick up artist anymore, but he wants to coach other guys so they can increase their chances of dating any girl they like; so now that we’re not together, him going out with other people is expected. So I don’t want to keep my hopes up if his attitude towards the end (the “I’m doing this for you, because I don’t want to hurt you”) means he won’t consider getting back together.

    Can you help me? I’d really appreciate your thoughts about this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 1:19 pm

      HI Tania,

      it will always go back to whether you presented value to him or not and if you’ve shown standards. So, don’t chase him by asking whether you could try again. Just focus on being active in no contact to regain balance and when you talk again take it slow. Don’t sleep with him again until you’re really together.

  16. Not sure

    June 23, 2016 at 5:58 am

    Hi I messaged my ex the other day and he took three days to respond which was yesterday. He responded once more and asked a question about where something I saw reminded me of him was. I have not gotten any response since yesterday and he has been online. Not sure if he is playing mind games with me, isn’t interested or just moved on after only a month and a bit. Should I message him again next week or just wait it out?

    1. Not sure

      June 23, 2016 at 5:58 am

      I completed the NC period as well

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 12:15 pm

      you can try to message him again. What was the last message you sent?

  17. Kris

    June 22, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    Yes. Thanks for replying. One last thing tho. SORRY THIS WILL BE LONG BUT PLEASE BEAR WITH ME. 😀 Cause idk I think it’s my fault I agreed with being bestfriends when we broke up. It was a decision out of emotions. until i found out about NC rule and bought the EXBfRecoveryPRO e-book. But I’m kinda lost how to start. this is what has been happening with the on and off NC. Last wkend he asked to hang out and watch a movie. Then at the end of the day he started talking about feelings and bout the break up and I try not to get into talks like that. Since I would try to ignore him for days. When he would txt. i would usually reply the next day and end the convo first. Then friday he asked to come over to hang out to relax cuz he said he’s been stressed with work and life. He also tried to sleep with me. And even told me that he still owns me until I find someone else. So came sat he txted me talking bout what he’s doing for the day. And started asking to get coffee this wkend. I didnt agree yet. I told him I’ll let him know if I can. We talked for a while until I just didnt reply. Then sunday he greeted me happy fathers day around noon. He greeted Probably cuz Im a single mom (he’s not the dad). And I didnt reply but he checked my snapchat stories the whole day where it shows I was basically having fun out with the family. (he has been checking them lately for 2 wks now too after he told me he deleted his snapchat. Haha I think it’s his way of checking if Im ignoring him. Idk) He txted me that night and told me that the ignoring thing is putting distance to our friendship and he thinks it’s better if we leave each other alone. So I replied the AM I woke up that if thats what he want’s it’s fine. I can manage. (Even tho I want him
    Back -_-) that’s when he started telling me he was upset with being ignored. so I gave up with the NC again. Ugh. So we talked again and He admitted that he unfriended me on all social media cause he was upset that he is being “seen zoned”. And then he still bugs me to get some coffee this wkend. He also started talking about the reason for the break up again. That with everything that happened he still wants to keep me in his life. he also kept asking if other guys have been courting me already. He just keeps asking about my life! That’s when I told him that I think we still need some space off of each other. So I hope I did the right thing! I really want to get back with him. But his emotional breakdown is just too much for me right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 9:52 am

      You have to be strong in no contact because the more you restart the less it’s effect. You should be strong in it because you have more of the reason to do it since he knows how much you love him and that you’re just there available when he needs you.

  18. EBR Team Member: Amor

    June 22, 2016 at 9:11 am

    nope, don’t travel.. you haven’t even built rapport slowly yet.

  19. What to do?

    June 21, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    I told my ex that we shouldn’t talk for awhile when we broke up. I messaged him the other day after about 36 days of no contact whatsoever. He had seen the message and did not respond at all. We agreed to be friends but I still don’t understand where I went wrong. It is possible he is ignoring me on purpose, not ready to talk to me or moved on after a month and a half. Should i try sending another message in a week or so or longer? We went out for a long time.

    1. Confused

      June 22, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      Hi. Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up 5 weeks ago. It was kind of mutual as I agreed and accepted it at the start, I never did any begging and we spent the whole evening afterwards talking. We did NC for 4 weeks, when he messaged I replied and basically said I’m not ready to talk, we said we’d be friends anyway. On Saturday we met for coffee, I was very blasé and when he brought up how upset he had been I almost brushed it off, it was really nice seeing him and we did just get on so well. He gave me a hug as we left. I text him that evening saying it was nice to see him and he said it was; since then we have had no contact again (4 days). We have a lot of mutual friends so I know I will be seeing him at a party on Saturday and we will both be drinking. Any advice?? I didn’t think I should initiate contact… seeing him has really messed my emotions up as well, I have been so confused and emotional since. Before I was doing so well in moving on and being ungetable and even showed this when we met!

    2. What to do?

      June 22, 2016 at 12:22 pm

      Hi,
      He didn’t know how long the nc period would be for. I didn’t say how long it was, he ended up replying today a few days after the first contact message. He didn’t respond after I tried to end the conversation on a good note. So not sure if I just wait and see what happens

    3. What to do?

      June 22, 2016 at 5:21 am

      Hi Amor,

      Breakup was because his sexual/emotional needs were not being met most likely, and I was confused why he just gave up in the end. Not sure what to do now

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 10:16 am

      So, he knows how long you would be doing nc? Well, he probably isn’t expecting you to complete. So, make the most out of it.. improve yourself and let’s hope that when he sees you’re trying to move on, he’d be comfortable enough to talk again after nc.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 4:50 am

      Hi situation,

      why did you break up?

  20. Kris

    June 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    Hi! I’ve been trying to so NC on and off. I would get to do one week. Then break it during the wkend when he texts. We’ve been texting before daily until I decided to do the NC and just ignore him out of no where for a week then he lashes out on me and even unfriended me on all social media. But he still talks to me thru txt and even ask me to hang out and get some coffee. How will I start NC? Do I just flat out ignore him again or do I tell him that I need some time off from him for a while? So he wouldnt get upset? Help please! I really wanna do NC!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 7:04 am

      Hi Kris,

      he gets upset and then asks you ymfor coffee? that means his anger is just a way to keep you.. tell hin you need space to heal but don’t tell for how long

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