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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

  1. Karen

    June 21, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me after a 2.5 year relationship. We’ve been long distance all this time but have been able to travel over 10+ hours just see each other several times. It was beyond perfect relationship even being long distance he made huge efforts to be with me and showed me that he loved me all along . In the past 2 months he has dealing with a huge family problem and he started ignoring me. I didn’t realized by then that he was depressed and I was understanding enough . I started being clingy and gnat and fighting for the smallest things that in one of those conversations he broke up with me and told me he didn’t love me . I was shocked bc I week before he loved me and all but we were already In an on and off situation that when we reconciled he was sweet and loving again. I begged him for 4 days he didn’t reply . He had block From most social media but then he unblock me but we r not friends anymore on fb or ig. I decided to the no contact rule. It’s been 26 days and not a words from him yet . :/ I’m devastated this is the man I’m planning to marry I love him so much and I have faith and God our relationship will be restored . He is suppose to be moving to America before October not sure if he is coming in July so our long distance would have been over and this break up happens. It’s been extremely hard for me . I wanted to know if I should wait 45 days instead of 30 ?

    1. Karen

      June 23, 2016 at 2:44 am

      Thank u Amor ! I really apreciate your quick response and your advice is very helpful through these hard times 🙂 I’ll keep you posted! On the meantime I just trust God that he will restore this relationship 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Karen,
      yeah, I think you should do 45 since you’re blocked.

  2. Tina

    June 20, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    Hi,
    I lived with a man during 15 years. He decided to brake our relation after I had a job in another city. He told me that I had a lover. I accepted that job not because I had a lover, but because it was my last chance to get a secured job for few years as I am going on in age.
    I came back home every weekend. I worked more during the week to gain some few free days that I could spend with him, clean and organize…then back to work. I did it like this during 2 years. I drove every weekend 1000 km what ever the weather was. But, every time I was back home I had the feeling that someone else came home when I was not there. I had the feeling that our friends know something that I ignored until he told me not to come a weekend, that he wanted to be alone.
    I said ok, but I drove home but didn’t get in. I saw a car spending the night in front. I knew later It was a woman.
    I didn’t show any thing. I came home until we broke.
    I asked him if he still love me, he did not answer. I asked to take a photo from me which was in a frame, he didn’t’ wanted. He kept all my pictures that he made in big size…we also had 2 stones representing our love that he had to give me one if he stops loving me. He didn’t.
    I didn’t contact him during more than 2 years now. He didn’t see me, neither our friends. He didn’t get any information about me, as I am far from him. I tried to deal with my life and my family. I have new friends and I am appreciated at work.
    I never had a phone call or any message from him. Even when explosions happened in the town where I am working.
    Last time, I was to a concert, not far from the place I lived. and I sent him a message: “I just heard the song…that made me remember you.” No answer.
    I sent an email as he promised to send me a copy of my picture. No answer.
    I know this woman is still coming to him from time to time.
    He is always in my mind what ever I do. I am not open to the others as I am not interested. He never told me he doesn’t love me any more. He still have my stone, and my pictures.
    I have the opportunity to go near by. I am very calm and take care about my self. I go out very often and I travel too. But I did not show up yet in our town or around his area.
    How to contact him now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 6:33 am

      Hi Tina,

      you didn’t contact you for two years now? is that right?

  3. SITUATIONN

    June 20, 2016 at 1:52 am

    No contact was initiated for about 35-37 days, he agreed to be friends when we broke up. I had told him that we should not speak for awhile. I reached out first and send a message “you won’t believe what i saw” and he ignored it and did not respond at all. I feel like he has moved on already or talking to someone else, but it has only been just over a month and a bit since the breakup. Not sure if I should wait a few weeks to message him again or just forget it. We went out for over a year and half. I still feel like there is potential for a try again or at least a friendship.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 4:51 am

      Hi situation,

      why did you break up?

  4. SITUATION

    June 20, 2016 at 1:00 am

    No contact was initiated for about 35-37 days, he agreed to be friends when we broke up. I had told him that we should not speak for awhile. I reached out first and send a message “you won’t believe what i saw” and he ignored it and did not respond at all. I feel like he has moved on already or talking to someone else, but it has only been just over a month and a bit since the breakup. Not sure if I should wait a few weeks to message him again or just forget it. I still feel like there is potential for a try again or at least a friendship.

    1. SITUATION

      June 20, 2016 at 1:02 am

      Also we went out for a long time as well over a year and a half

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 4:50 am

      Hi situation,

      why did you break up?

  5. lovely

    June 19, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    hi thanks for your great info.
    i had dated this guy since Jan till May, we live in different cities (like 2 hours distance with train) in germany. we got to know through Tinder and started to talk since Dec last year and met in Person early Jan. He always visited me in my city on weekends. first month every weekend (he came in the afternoon like 3 pm and took the last train midnight on the day same, never spent a night, just once when he missed the train, he slept on my sofa cause it was an early stage). it was always him to travel to my city and we texted everyday but then exam period came then slowly the pattern changed to once in 2-3 weeks, once a month and contacts has been reduced. I was not happy about it and talked to him a few times that it would be great if he writes me more often but once he caught up in focus mode, i could see that he just focuses on his studies & his work and shut down. in the beginning he made a time to talk to me so that disappointed me and gave me a confirmation that he’s not into me any more… when we met last time on 7 May and it was great as always. after that he didn’t write nor answer my texts & calls for 2 weeks not because of anything but the same things like he is very busy (from early morning till late at night study & work) and he hopes i am not so angry. that was 25 May.. so after a week, i answered him normal again no answer after 2 weeks, i had to send him a break-up message on 6 June…not because i wanted but i had no choice… I was hoping and expecting that he would apologize but i haven’t heard from him anything… i am doing NC but i am at this point very doubtful if he does actually care about me now… do i still have a chance? i am scared he doesn’t care about me and never even writes me again..

    1. lovely

      June 22, 2016 at 8:59 am

      I am not even sure now if he is in exam period cause we haven’t talked quite long already. from him end of last month was the last message. he mentioned that he needs to work on something (don’t know if its for uni, or for his project, he wants to start his property business with his friend) from 8 am till 11 pm.. so i wanted to give him some time but all those information on internet says that means he’s not into you cause there is no such thing like really busy to take a moment to write someone if he’s interested…i somehow agreed on that cause in the beginning while he was really busy, he still wanted to communicate with me. thats how i ended up saying bye… and still no answer from him…i don’t know if i should say sorry after one month NC..

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Hi Lovely,

      If he can take two weeks without talking to you, expect that he won’t talk to you for two weeks during nc. When will the exam period be over?

  6. Anjali

    June 19, 2016 at 7:22 am

    I tried no contact twice but broke it after 2 weeks. It’s been 3 months since the break up. I begged on and off for 3 months. Can I still do the no contact rule after 3 months of beggings or is it too late? done no contact with him for 18 days this month…then chat with him..I became emotional and confessed my love but he has no feelings for me anymore… so I got rejected few days ago after I confessed my love for him..don’t know if there is still a chance. Will no contact still work for me? Please help me Chris.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Anjali,

      The truth is the more you do no contact, the less the effect.. but I think you can try it one last time.. and do it for 45 days. But be very active in improving yourself. If he looks at your posts, he has to think that you have moved on. Because he already has. If he doesn’t see that you’ve moved on, he won’t trust to talk to you again. Don’t caption your posts that you’re doing it because you’ve moved on.. That would be silly. Just post it like a normal post.

  7. Sanjana

    June 18, 2016 at 4:00 am

    Hey,
    I broke up with him 4 months ago. N I didn’t contacted him plus I blocked him from everywhere! N then changed my number. After a 2 months or so he contacted one of our mutual friend n asked him about whr I was but my friend didn’t replied!! Now I unblocked him from hike! What should I do? How should I contact him! I even heard he was in a relationship with another girl with whom he had an affair even when we were together! Firstly he posted there pics as dp on hike even her pic!! Now it’s been cold for a long I don’t know if they broke up or not!! Also we were in a long distance relationship from a year n we had 2 year relationship! I’m really serious about him n I truly love him! Wht can I do to get him back pls tell me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      Hi Sanjana,
      first, unblock him and have you started to have a new routine and improve yourself?

  8. Sad and depressed

    June 17, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    It has been three weeks and we got into an argument and he advised that we needed to slow things down. He was silent for the first couple of weeks. This past week he has said more than he usually says. However we haven’t communicated and resolved the argument. I feel like I’m being pulled on the string. When I text him it takes him a day to text me back. Should I do the NC rule for 30 days and see what happens?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 11:00 pm

      Hi Sad and depressed,

      yuo start nc but be active in improving yourself.. don’t just stop and wait for him to contact you

  9. pia

    June 16, 2016 at 10:40 am

    Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. He asked for space for a month so I gave it to him. But before that, he admitted that he was starting to like someone in his workplace. I asked him if he still loves me and he said yes. He told me in his last message that he loves me very much and I should not forget that. He also told me that the girl she liked is not the reason for asking space but more of time for himself. I feel scared right now. I cannot imagine the possibility that he can throw those 7 years away. It’s been a week since no contact and I’m not getting used to it. I feel really down right now. If he initiates contact and asks if we could stop the no contact already would i say yes?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 11:46 am

      Hi Pia,

      so he knows you’re doing no contact? Try to watch this blog post first:
      The “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You” Video

  10. kimia

    June 14, 2016 at 6:08 am

    hi,
    so tommorow is my 30th day of no contact,he didn’t contact me and i didn’t contact him during the period,and i’m kinda upset,I don’t know to give it more time or just contact him after 30 days,I kinda have the feeling that after 3 years of relation we need more time to be apart but I’m also confused, our NC seems like a game that we are waiting for the other one to fail and contact first,i don’t know 🙁 we didn’t break up badly,we still had respect and emtion for eachother,we are even following eachother and our familys and friends on instagram

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      H Kimia,

      if it was a general breakup, then it’s ok to contact him now..just always be the one to end the convo in high note

  11. Ms IDK

    June 14, 2016 at 3:28 am

    Sooooo… I made the mistake of contacting my ex during the NC period and confronted him because I seen him out on a date. I was hurt because when we broke up it was “its me not you thing.” 4 month later I tried to texted him but I didn’t say my name but I was just checking in on him and he didn’t reply back. What’s awkward is that he moved one block over from me. I seen him around the neighborhood and I believe he has seen me but not face to face. What do I do? I still have feelings and what’s funny neighbors in my building still ask about him and I have to explain that we are not together, which was a total shock to them. They agreed that they seen something there is our relationship our vibe with each other. It’s been 3 months since I sent that text. I don’t know… What is crazy is that I usually would have moved on by now but I can’t. Something always pulls me back. I would like to have him back, I still feel like it’s not over between us. I sound solo crazy… Smh

    1. Ms IDK

      June 17, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Yes, I am back in the NC period. I haven’t reach out to him since March. We have not bumped into each other. And honestly don’t know what to say if that happens.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      Hi Miss Idk,
      are you back in nc period now? and have you bumped into each other?

  12. Christine

    June 13, 2016 at 8:41 am

    Hi, This is my situation.
    Actually, we were never in a relationship before. But were really close as couple and he said he likes me for a period of time. However, he insisted that we should be friends because of religious and cultural differences and the fact we’re all leaving the country we’re staying now soon and so on. So then we stay friends but became even closer than before. During this time, I became clingy and finally he started to ignore my message, or even in person. We had a fight. After that, we rarely spoke to each other or any interaction but still say hi in an awkward way. It’s hard for me to apply nc since we take classes together every week. But after I found out nc rule from this website, I started it for my own recovery, and kind of ignore him in a polite way by keep our conversation really short when I see him on campus. (I only did it for 21 days cause we had already stop speaking to each other for almost a month before nc) After the no contact rule I sent him the first message with a picture where I went on travel which we talked about before . He responded me right away with few texts. (Surprised that I went travel and answering my question) But I decided to leave the chat without responding him. I text him back on the same topic in the next morning, but he didn’t reply anymore. Now, I don’t know what to do. Should I send him another text and check his attitude before we meet? Or should I wait another week or two because he didn’t reply? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      Hi Christine,

      you need to build rapport and attraction firstt through texts, and then calls and then after that is when you try to meet up

  13. Alice

    June 10, 2016 at 3:05 am

    Hi, It’s been 3 days since I reached out and text him after finished 30 days NC. My fisrt message was “you won’t believe what i saw”, I didn’t type his name, but no response at all. Was it wrong as a first contanct message ? Was I rude? How lang should I wait before another message or keep doing NC? We didn’t fight when we broke up, my last message was about “being freinds”, he also said he wantted to be freinds and stuff, I’m now confused, what is going on through his mind? If he wantted to be freinds, why did he ignore my message? I don’t know what kind of message should I send if I reach out again..

    1. Alice

      June 22, 2016 at 7:28 am

      Hi Amor,
      I have no idea when he blocked my number, but he didn’t block me on a chatting app, he just ignored my messages on that, I’ve sent 2 texts so far,no reply, I decide not to text and wait, though I don’t know if he will… I don’t see why he ignored if he thinks me as a freind…Our relationship was kind of neutral..

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 8:24 am

      Hi Z,

      when did he block your number?

  14. Sarah

    June 7, 2016 at 2:10 pm

    Hi,

    I would really appreciate your advice. I was in a LDR with a guy for a year and 8 months. We broke up one year ago, and then got back together. I was the love of his life and he was mine. He wanted to grow old with me and marry me one day.
    Yet my ex-boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 monts ago after he got really angry with me as he took my Phone and read my whatsapp messages between me and my best friend. He read that I had met once with a close friend of mine (male) and that nothing happened (like it didn’t, we just chatted), and did not tell him about it. He was already a little suspicious about this friend because I liked him 8 years ago. He was furious when he read it, packed his bags and left (he lives in another country). I appologized to him but he didn’t want anything to do with me. Two weeks later I wrote him a letter saying I was sorry for not telling him and that I love HIM and want to grow old with him, but also told him that in my opinion he reacted too abrupt and harsh. He replied with a very brutal message basically stating I could go to hell and that I can continue making excuses for myself by blaming him. After that I blocked him and did no contact for a month. After this month he had sent my stuff back, and I decided to send him a short message with a memory of our time in New York, just like it said on this website. He replied very cold again saying that I shouldn’t contact him anymore, and that he is with someone else now. That I am the one who ruined everything and that I am nothing more than a bad memory.. Emotionally I was broken after this and I feel a lot of guilt and painful emotions. This was two months ago and time does not heel. I am constantly in conflict with my thoughts. On one side I feel like I should go to him and see him face to face to fight for us because maybe I haven’t show him enough how much I regret that I betrayed his trust and that I am changed, on the other side I feel like I need to put this behind me and move on.

    My question to you is (as you have probably heared a lot of similar situations from other people) do you think he is really over me or is there a chance he will start to miss me and I should wait a little longer?

    My world is crushed.. Friends and family are saying I did make a mistake, but that his reaction was over the top. I don’t know if I deserved it and I have to accept it or to still hope for another chance…

    Thank you in advance. You will help me a lot.

    Sincerely

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 8:02 am

      Hi Sarah ,

      YOu should read this post:
      Do you have a chance at getting your ex boyfriend back?

  15. HELP

    June 1, 2016 at 8:09 am

    Hi,

    This is our first break up. He’s recently reached out to me and said he wants to try again, but I told him I only could when he sorted out the problems that led us to break up (he runs away when things start to go bad / he was afraid of me not loving him anymore). I’m giving him time to think but he says I’m the “right person at the wrong time.” I’ve told him that this doesn’t exist, and you can make ANYONE the right person at a challenging time if you try..

    I also explained that if we try and date again and things go slow, we pin point what went wrong with our relationship and start a fresh from the beginning but that he’s going to have to prove to me how much he wants this. Am I doing the right thing???

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      Hi Help,

      sorry for the late reply. In a way yes, you’re not shutting him out, you just want him to prove that he’s not going to quit this time.

  16. Camille

    May 31, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I followed the 30 day no contact rule, but my ex hasn’t reached out to me yet, not even a single text or call. He broke up with me because he moved to another state and didn’t want long distance (I should mention he was totally up for long distance initially but suddenly changed his mind so I was blindsided). We’re still in a relationship on Facebook, and I still see his photos and he looks so happy in his new life. What should I do? Why doesn’t he miss me? We dated for a whole year and I was his first girlfriend…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      Hi Camille,

      compile interesting topics that he loves talking about and then initiate a text. CHeck this post out for texting guides. Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  17. Ann

    May 31, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Hi,

    I contacted my ex after NC period. My text was something like this ‘Are we going to be in this fight mode forever, let it go! I hope you are doing good and take care’. He replied saying that ‘I thought you were done. I am okay and busy with work, How’s life?’. I replied saying life is good, and that will catch up some time and tc. He did not reply after that. Should I text him again? Or should I wait? It looks like he doesn’t have any intention to get back. I can see him very active in online dating sites.

    1. Ann

      June 15, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      I replied after two weeks. I had his jacket that he had left at my place. We had a chat:
      Me: Remembered you because I happened to see your jacket while cleaning
      He: I don’t even remember which jacket it is. Can I come by to pick it up soon
      Me: Sure let me know when
      He: How about today
      Me: Okay. I will be home by 7 pm
      He: I don’t wanna run into your roommate. let me know when
      Me: Haha, I can come outside and give it to you
      He: Alright then not today, some time this week. I will text you

      And then after that no reply. I didn’t want to again text and ask if he is going to come by. Do you think I should text again or wait for him to reply. He has a problem with my room mate. But still he would have been fine to meet me at home. I am just thinking if I screwed it up by saying I will just go outside to give his jacket. Why would he wanna come just to collect the jacket? Please guide.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 10:28 am

      nope..just ler him be.. he’ll probably ask again next time if your rooma mate is there, and if she/he is not, he probably will come

    3. Ann

      June 1, 2016 at 1:46 pm

      Hi,

      what kind of text should I be sending after two days? Will it look so desperate? He dumped me in the first place because I behaved needy. So should I again wait for another one month before texting?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2016 at 1:37 pm

      not another month, that’s too much.. for a first text that’s not answered you can either wait 2-6 days before sending the next text. if it’s a second text then you can wait two weeks if that’s still unanswered you can decide if you want to do another 2 weeks or a month..

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Ann,

      if he is active in dating sites, then lean more on the side that he’s not thinking about getting back with you for now.. So, the work is to attract him back, because the good side is, he replied to you.. Try to text again after two days.

  18. jj

    May 31, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    Hey there…

    It’s been exactly 2 weeks now of NC .
    We broke up beginning of May. We had been together since new years. It was a great relationship and I fell quickly in love with him. I found out I was pregnant end of March and we both were very excited. He told his parents right away and the way he did it made me feel like he wanted it as much as I did. I had a miscarriage and was devastated in April. After that he started being distant towards me. Talk of me moving in had ceased…and now he was saying things like, “I need space”… basically that losing the baby was overwhelming and he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. Obviously I was crushed. I went back to his house and we had sex. After I went out with the girls and after I sent him 3 drunk texts, I initiated no contact.
    I expected him to contact me by now and I’m a little put out. I need some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Hi JJ,

      everything is moving too fast.. I think he’s grieving and you should hold out doing full on no contact.. I mean don’t initiate for now, but if he does, reply and talk calmly.

  19. Mystic

    May 30, 2016 at 12:40 am

    Hello,
    My situation is hard. We were coworkers until he moved to a different school. In the beginning, he kept in contact with me, always trying to flirt and talk sex with me. He’s in a relationship, but not happy. I ended up caving and we became fwb but only phone sex. He spoke to me via messaging every three or so days, for about a year. We planned to meet up and finally do the deed and he chickened out. I told him it was okay and that we could just be friends. He still initiated the phone sex for several months after. We spoke often, not quite as often as before though. One particular time we were talking on the phone, he said it would make things even better between us if we said ‘I love you’. He asked if that would be okay. I replied it would be okay only if he meant it ( I said this jokingly, and not seriously at all.) He then proceeded to ask me to tell him I loved him. He repeatedly asked me to say it, so I complied. We’ve been friends for a long time. I do love him. Since then he has just basically faded away. He’s initiated contact with me once or twice, but mainly its been me checking up on him and asking if he’s okay ( he works at a very difficult school). He’s replied that he is doing okay and that its just a stressful time of year. I’ve checked up on him three times since March, so its not like I’ve been a texting gnat. He’s responded to my texts each time. He’s also liked almost everything I have posted on facebook. But he hasn’t initiated any texting in two months. I’m at a loss as to what to do. I’ve been doing no contact on him for about three weeks. I haven’t even let him see I’m on facebook, I keep Chat off. I haven’t liked any of his posts either. Should I keep up the no contact on him? Will he even notice? Or should I just let him go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      Hi Mystic,

      it’s going to be hard because you’ve been fwb in texts for a long time. It’s actually interesting for him to ask you to say I love you, it’s like he can’t do all of this without feelings, and yet he’s avoiding you now.. Maybe if after some time has passed that you have stopped doing sexting and start again as friends, there’s a chances that you could rekindle the relationship

  20. Help

    May 28, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Hi! Me and my boyfriend broke up 6 days ago when he told me he “loved me” yet he said he couldn’t be in a relationship with me anymore. The first couple of days I looked needy and begged after the break up but within the 4th day of the break up I initiated no contact. Shall I do 30 days of no contact then reach back out to him? He says he doesn’t wanna leave my life completely and that he wants to still talk and we’re definitely on good terms as it wasn’t really a bad breakup. I’m just worried he’s gonna forget about me and not want to get back with me at all because he won’t miss me or find someone else? Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 6:54 am

      Hi Help,

      how long was your relationship? Is it on and off and why can’t he be in a relationship with you anymore?

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