What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn't Work- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

Alycia

February 12, 2019 at 4:32 am

Hi!
I’ve been involved with what a lot people would consider a “fWB” situation for 5 years off and on. However, we walk my dogs often go for breakfast, met each others friends/parents ect. When things start to get serious he tells me he’s too busy for a relationship and refuses to offer anything more. I said I respected his wishes and deleted him from social media and implemented no contact ( I have done no contact in the past and failed it a few times) no contact now for 26 days, feeling discouraged. I feel as though he’s just letting me move on and won’t contact, any words of encouragement since we never had an “official” relationship. Thanks!

Chris Seiter

February 13, 2019 at 12:53 am

Hi Alycia!

Just stay the course and make sure you are implementing NC correctly. If you have my Program, be sure to read up on how to lift yourself up emotionally as that is the number 1 goal in NC!

Valerie

February 11, 2019 at 6:47 pm

This didn’t work. I reached out after a month he responded then started acting distant again when I said i would like to still be friends. I reached out a couple weeks ago again and he ignored me. I did a final text asking a question about something he knew about and he ignored me. He clearly doesnt care and wants me to leave him alone! I ended it 2 months ago because it wasn’t going anywhere.
Now the reality of it is he really doesn’t care and never really did!! Any feedback would be appreciated.

Chris Seiter

February 11, 2019 at 11:28 pm

Hi Valerie…Sometimes despite your best efforts, things won’t work out as planned. One way of looking at it is its his loss and you have many reward paths ahead of you to explore.

Brodee

February 1, 2019 at 9:10 pm

Hi,

Quick question. He broke up with me because I’m a single mom and he wasn’t ready to be a dad yet. We agreed at the time to be friends because as he says he still loves me, just can’t be the man that I need (a father, which I told him I didn’t need that and he agreed but this was a non-negotiable deal). I’m trying so hard to do no contact but he’s been helping me around the house with stuff that I desperately need help with and after asking friends for over a year, he’s the only one that helped, which is why we started dating in the first place. I have broken no contact once but he hasn’t reached out at all. Is no contact something that is actually going to work because I desperately need his help around the house? We didn’t break up because of fighting or arguments, he is just not ready to take on a family and he told me he is scared of that. HELP!
Michelle

January 2, 2019 at 7:43 am

I’m confused. He broke up with me after a 2-month relationship. It was quite amicable when we parted ways. 24 days of NC, I got his friend to pass him a Christmas gift. He texted me on the same night (19 Dec) to thank me for the gift. He texted me again on Christmas Eve to send me a greeting. I tried to continue the conversation but he didn’t seem keen to talk to me. I reached out to him on New Year’s Day to send him a greeting. He replied, but after I continued to tell him about a musical I felt he might be interested in, I didn’t receive a reply thereon. Is there still hope in this relationship? I don’t wish to give up just yet, but I’m not sure what I should/should not do anymore. I’d be glad to hear from you. Thank you.
Angela

December 16, 2018 at 12:14 pm

Hi!
I have a problem. My ex broke up with me 2,5 weeks ago out of the blue, saying he does not love me anymore. I am doing no contact since 10 days now (he did not text me yet). Anyways, We were having a long distance relationship for 3 years but the distance never mattered (we were really really close). we always talked about the long distance time as a transition period, about moving in together, marrying and telling our kids about our two homes and skype calls..
Since its almost christmas, and were both from the same hometown, I know he’ll be at his parents house during christmas. I planned to contact him right after and wanted to ask whether we could meet up. I feel like this is the “only” chance right now to see him again and engage in a physical conversation with him due to the long-distance problem.
I still have some things on my mind which I would like to clarify with him about the break-up & our relationship.. should I do it when I see him? Or should I just have a normal chat with him?
because if he does not want me back I will regret if I did not say anything..
Furthermore, I am still thinking about how to write him that I want to meet up without making it sound .. negative? if that makes sense.
Hope to hear from you soon!

Chris Seiter

December 16, 2018 at 4:19 pm

Hi Angela!

Its best if you proceed forward with an ex recovery plan. Usually best to start off with text communications leading up to a meetup after your No Contact.

Breanna

November 5, 2018 at 3:06 am

Hi my name is bre me and my ex dated for a year then he broke up with in the beginning on October we continued to still talk and see each other then two weeks ago he told me we need to stop talking but he would still answer my calls and texts when I would text him the past two weeks then today I texted him and he was short and then started to ignore me so I decided to try the nc rule for 30 days just nervous that he wouldn’t ever reach out to me because he seems to be handling the break up fine. And told me he already moved on from the relationship but is not with someone he still has our pictures hanging up in he’s room and and all my jewelry I gave me when we broke up. Hoping he’ll realize he misses me and will come back into my life

Chris Seiter

November 5, 2018 at 4:51 am

Hi Breanna!

YOu guys will act like they are handling well, until the aren’t and that often hits them later. Be sure to follow my program as NC can do a lot of good things for you on both sides of the recovery equation.

Alice

October 24, 2018 at 10:53 am

I found your information to be very helpful, and calming in a way.

Does it still work if you actually make your ex aware that this is what you’re doing? My ex gf and I talked for 3 weeks after the break up. Sporadically, but we talked. And then I said it hurt by talking as it gave me false hope, and that I don’t think we should speak for a month to allow us both time to heal and digest things.

By making her aware that we are not speaking for a month, does this make the NC period less effective?

Thank you

Chris Seiter

October 25, 2018 at 4:20 am

Hi Alice!

I am glad the site helps calm you and gives you a Companion so to speak. I think giving an ex a heads up works in most situations. IF you need a deep dive into how the NC process works, consider “The No Contact Rule Book” which is one of a kind eBook I wrote!

Mary

October 18, 2018 at 9:27 am

My ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago, we lived together and he only moved out just under 1 month ago (from that point i tried to do strict no contact) but he has been contacting me about stuff related to our apartment which i had no choice but to respond to.. even showed up at the apartment (i tried ignoring him hoping he would just text but he was begging and begging for me to come out to talk.. so i finally did and it was related to the apartment again) i have consistently been unemotional and business like in all my responses and when he showed up.. is it possible no contact can still work if this even qualifies?

Thanks,
M

Chris Seiter

October 18, 2018 at 11:15 pm

Hi Mary!

I think so. Pick up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” or “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you know how all the pieces of NC and the rest of the elements fit together!

Rose

October 7, 2018 at 6:26 pm

Hey Chris, my ex broke up with me and I haven’t spoken to him since that day (I’m on day 29 of no contact). For some reason he still has me on Instagram. I unfollowed him, but he still follows me and looks at all my stories. I don’t post very much at all (maybe 4 times since we ended, but still. What is he trying to do? I unfollowed him because I didn’t want to see anything that upset me. How is he ok with looking at my posts? It seems like he just doesn’t care. I am feeling more depressed today for fear that I won’t hear a thing from him by tomorrow. I know all your advice says to reach out to him if he doesn’t, but I don’t think chasing someone who doesn’t want me is just pathetic. I love him and I didn’t want to break up. He knew that when he did it, so why would I continue to run after him? Shouldn’t he be the one to
Come to me to reconcile?

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 9:48 pm

Hi Rose!

In the best of worlds, he would reach out to your to reconcile. But just possibly, he wants to, but doesn’t for any number of reasons. So before you give up on the relationship, its usually best to try and ignite the spark yourself on your terms. Sure, it may not work. But at least you will know you gave it your every effort.

swetha

September 3, 2018 at 10:52 am

hey chris,
im in no contact since 20days, he started to ignore me. few days back he texts me that “u lead ur life.. i Miss you “. i tried to ask what ha pend through text he didn’t answer i was in shock and called him immediately. he diconnected my call says cant speak to me as he is at home (i felt it as an excuse). im blown out even den sent msg like happy independence day for which he gave a reply to i in the evening saying same to you.im pissed of and without intimation i just went in to no contact. he didnt even tried to reach me out. no msg no phone calls what do u think. is he testing me or really he moved on or wats going on..one thing is he never sends me any msg direct he always uses fb post or some songs . within dis 20days of no contact i could see 3 posts in fb 1. “dont fake being ok you only
y hurt urself:” its a video in his posts 2. who else would ive blamed for all the trouble ive caused? its a happy birthday wish to some one with that caption. 3. ” say something ” its some medical video cant even say that it is for me or casually he posted this. mostly he does dis kind of posts never he said anything straight. what to do. should i move on wait till he text me.

Chris Seiter

September 3, 2018 at 8:06 pm

Hi Swetha!

Great job with getting thru 20 days. But now that NC has ended and things are not going so well its time for a new plan. Probably best to restart NC and follow the guidelines I lay out in my program on how to implement NC so you can get the most out of it

Rose

August 9, 2018 at 9:43 pm

Hi Chris – great info! Wondering if these rules apply to short term intense relationships. The background: my ex and I are both single parents. We (re)connected through our kids (he is a teacher). I say ‘re’connect because it turned out we went to the same HS decades ago. He remembered me. It took me a bit to remember who he was. We talked for a few months before meeting up to exchange life-since-HS stories. We hit it off and jumped right into an intense love. He told me he was falling in love with me and that he would marry me someday after a week of being together. Red flags for me, but I went along and fell head over heels in love with him over the next three (Summer) months. There was so much affection, respect and admiration for each other. At the end, he broke it off (via text) citing stress of work, kids and us (we were looking at houses already). I didn’t feel that I put any pressure on him. I was scared but I let him set the pace. He wanted to be friends. I did the best no contact I could given that he still taught my kids. We were very cordial at class and he paid extra attention to my kids. I avoided convo with him other than a friendly smile and saying hi. After a few weeks of that awkwardness he came over and talked to me. Not about us, but just small talk and catching up. He gave in to his urge to tell me I was cute and walked away abruptly after saying that. 8 months of getting mixed signals at the school and he mentioned being ready to talk about ‘things.’ He started giving me those admiring looks that I used to get when we were together. 1 month after that we still hadn’t set a date to talk and I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. I stopped taking my kids to the school and I never reached out to him. We were still friends on FB. I did reach out a few weeks after regarding an invalid invoice from his school. He didn’t reply. Next thing I know his FB status is updated to in a relationship and he blocked me the next day. My question is – is this his cowardly way of telling me we’re completely done or is there still hope? I’m not planning on reaching out to him anytime soon. Maybe never – what you say may factor into that decision.
H

August 9, 2018 at 5:33 pm

Hi my bf of 1 n 1/2 year broke up with me and it involved a lot of begging and pleading from my end so I went on 30 days strict NC after completing that I called him he was reluctant but talked to me nicely but after that he started ignoring me for few days. Then he responded again and was friendly he was showing mixed signals for last 15 days and today I tried to call him and to my surprise i was blocked I don’t know what should I do? Should I go for strangled approach or straight 45 days NC like I don’t know does he want me back or not? why is he playing mind games with me? Is there any chance I can get him back? Please do help me I will be highly grateful
Regards
Linda

May 8, 2018 at 2:00 pm

My boyfriend for 4 years just told me to move on.we spoke last night lengthy.he admitted he is still in love with me but I had been very mean to him(true he loved me toomuch and I took him for granted) he told me he loves me but he is so hurt.doesnt want the relationship again and asked me to move on.told me he doesn’t want to waste my Time.am so devasted!!what do I do I need help.i learn he is in another relationship.

Chris Seiter

May 8, 2018 at 2:38 pm

Hi Linda! Thanks for dropping by. I know it hurts tremendously when somebody you care for so much pushes you away, but based on what he is saying and doing, I suspect your boyfriend is still probably a bit unsure deep in his mind what he should be doing and what he really wants. It is always possible this other relationship could be a rebound. The best thing you can do is come up with your plan and execute it. Take a look at picking up my comprehensive ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, as it is meant to help people optimize their chances and show them what they should be doing during No Contact and afterwords. You can find more information about this resource and others at my website Menu/Products link.

ella

April 30, 2018 at 5:53 pm

Will it still work if supposedly we ended off as friends? I had been talking to a guy for a few months then he decided to cut me off. I had no ideas why until I contacted him & we supposedly ended off as friends. He seemed to be quite interested in me & now he’s seems to be completely over it. We’ve hung out 2 times since then but now it’s been a month now & he never even bothers to check on me so I don’t either. He will just look at my social media posts..but anywho I still really like this guy but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care. I’m just curious to know if the nc rule would still work?
Pooja ojha

April 13, 2018 at 6:04 am

please contact me . I am so tensed . I had a 4 years relationship and we broke up 4 days back . HE is in merchant navy so when he is on ship he calls me give his time to me but when he is home for some times he gives me his importance but afterwards he just ignores me apart from that i have a cousin sister she is my bfs best friend so my bf is always with her roaming here and there and i feel so insecure about that because of that we also suffered a 8 months breakup earlier and after that he came and we both were happy together but now this time when he came from ship he was again with my sister and 4 days back he is always angry on me i dont noe why . please help me i cant live without him what should i do.

Chris Seiter

April 13, 2018 at 2:13 pm

Perhaps he will open up and talk about why he is always angry. Getting that out might help. Tension afflicts us all. Get some exercise or do something active or listen to soothing music to calm the nerves.
Pooja ojha

April 13, 2018 at 4:13 pm

This happend before also and we dint talked for 3 months and now again this happend will this time also no contact rule work?? It’s 12 days now and I dint saw any activity from him even in Watsapp and Facebook I think he is not even thinking of me , he had moved on and apart from that my sister is also with him and I think he is really happy with my sister and because of her he is not missing me
Chris Seiter

April 14, 2018 at 3:34 am

Hi again Pooja. That could be so, but don’t sell yourself short. Stay with your plan if you wish to optimize your chances. Consider the advice I offer in my books.

Lauren

April 4, 2018 at 10:52 pm

Hi Chris, great article – but I think I may have one more situation to add to this which could constitute as a failed NC period. I hope you can shed some light on this? I successfully completed 21 days no contact with my LDR ex, starting the day that he told me we could be ‘friends’. I had not found your advice at this point, so I actually started by asking my ex not to contact me again. I then read your articles and continued no contact for 21 days, after which I sent him a ‘clean slate’ text along the lines of apologising for shutting him out, that I needed the time to process my feelings, and I hope to be friends in the future. He replied immediately saying it was nice to hear about me, and that he wanted to speak with me – but not for a few days because he had a very busy work period coming up. I waited a day or so to reply. As it turns out I was driving past the town where he currently lives to go on a trip in my campervan. As he had told me he was going to be busy I didn’t stop to visit him. Instead I sent a text saying I was driving past, sending a hug and that when he is more free I would be happy to hear from him again. He replied immediately asking had I not told him that I was going to be nearby his town. I replied that it was because I knew he was going to be busy. I said he could text me when he was more free if he wanted to talk. He replied “I will contact you. Enjoy your trip xxx”. Here’s the part where I feel NC has failed – it has been 5 days since he said this to me and I have not heard anything from him except that he still likes my social media posts. I’m feeling frustrated that he can ‘like’ my photos but won’t contact me. Am I being too impatient or Has NC failed? I feel that if he really loved me still then he would be reaching out, but it’s radio silence except the ‘likes’. What can I do ?

Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 11:43 pm

So… clean slate text.

Do you think that worked? I do not recommend that. I believe someone recommends that… but who?
Lauren

April 6, 2018 at 11:24 am

I don’t know to be honest, it seemed to work very well initially as I got a lengthy and positive reply from my ex. The problem started after I drove past his town and didn’t stop by to visit him or meet for a coffee (as he said he was going to be busy). He didn’t respond to me at all after he knew I had been nearby but didn’t really tell him until I was already gone. I left the door open for him to contact me and he said that he would but he didn’t.. So after a week or so, I read your texting bible and have started a new plan which is actually working great so far – but I’m only on day 2. I got him to talk to me using the confession text – 2 texts yesterday, a few texts today. I’m always ending the conversation first and I have a plan for your tidal theory which makes a lot of sense. The plan is helping me to be logical rather than emotional about how to have conversations with my ex. My question now is.. today he text me that I should call him so that I can give him an update on my life – I feel like this is too soon to transition to phone calls and I’m aware that I want to be setting the pace, what’s your view on this? Should I call him? Thanks so much for all the great advice in the texting bible – it really is a bible!
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 9:17 pm

The texting BIBLE…. Haha I remember when I came up with the name for that and thought,

Whose going to want to buy this?

Turns out a lot of people!

My view on your situation is to try to keep momentum going as much as you possibly can! So, I think if he wants to call you, you let him. See if you can work it to where you can get him to call you though.

Agnes

March 28, 2018 at 9:12 pm

My ex contacted me after 30days of no contact. He asked if we can meet sometime. I said we can when both will have time. He said maybe on Friday but he will let me know, I said I’m not sure about Friday, but we will see. Friday he didn’t text and I didn’t text him either. Two days later I asked if he would like to get coffee the next week. He said he can in the afternoon or evening. Then he asked me what I was doing that day,but I already had plans so we said we will meet Wednesday or Thursday. On Wednesday he didn’t text all day, in late afternoon he messaged and said he is not well ,(lame excuse) but if he is better we can meet the next day or when he comes back( he went home to visit family). It’s been almost 2weeks that he returned but still nothing. He always likes everything I post or comments on my photos, but still hasn’t asked me out. I’m trying to be positive, but I also know that if he really wanted to see me he would have asked me out again . I just don’t understand why he reached out if he didnt really mean it. Don’t know what to do

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:48 am

He meant to reach out there’s no doubt about it.

It’s a great thing he likes all your posts and comments but don’t get sucked into it too deeply.

I think the issue you had is you didn’t build up enough attraction before agreeing to the date.
Agnes

April 3, 2018 at 11:36 am

Thank you for your reply. Yes, you might be right… do you think there is still hope for all this? What can I do?
Chris Seiter

April 4, 2018 at 12:55 am

Of course!

Cris

March 21, 2018 at 4:48 am

My ex and I got back together in the first breakup. However, we broke up again last March 3. On March 6, I sent him an apology letter, and he told me he needed space to think. I gave him space but he kept contacting me. I would quickly entertain him a bit but always end the conversation. On March 13, he told me he wanted to get back, and as much as I wanted to get back as well, I told him I needed space and time to fix myself since I was the cause of the breakup. He reassured me that he still sees a future with me and he wants us to be better. After a week of complete silence, I told him I was ready to talk, and he told me he didn’t want to get back anymore. He told me straight up that he was really done. He’s scared of us hurting each other because he thinks it’s going to be a continuous cycle. But I really told him, that I know my faults and I really can fix myself after a short period of time. I told him that I was still willing, and he still didn’t want. I’m about to start the NC completely but I just want to know if it can still work, like it’s not too late?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2018 at 10:53 am

HI Cris,

It’s not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances and yes, it’s not yet too late to try it.

Jessika

March 14, 2018 at 10:30 pm

K, brace yourself

– we met in the july at a conference and because we had to plan a workshop in Colombia later on, and hit it off right away.
– exchanged numbers and began texting back and forth immediately.
– irish livinh in Sweden.
– through our texting, one thing led to another and we ended up planning a trip and spending a week in Morocco in September when I went to Europe for a month.
– had an amazing time and kept very much in touch after, especially knowing we’d see each other again in two months in Colombia.
– when he came, stayed at my place, and ended up going to Santa Marta for a few days, everything was awesome.
– a friend of mine was getting married in Mexico in February, and I had mentioned it’d be cool if he came. the plan was to go to the wedding and then spend a week in Mexico city.
– were also supposed to see each other last week of March.
– he bought tickets for Mexico, we booked airbnb’s etc.
– about two weeks before he started being a bit flaky, and one time it was cause he had to go home for a family member that was very sick and he seemed to take it quite hard.
– he was kinda off the grid for a few days and when he appeared, he called me to say he was feeling a bit down and he was thinking about the Mexico thing and the long distance and whatever, so i told him not to get ahead of himself and we were juat supposed to take a nice trip and hang out. He agreed and said he was just being a bit anxious but I was right.
– two days later he disappeared for good. Nothing. At all. I canceled the airbnb and made some changes to my itinerary, and ended up going to Mexico with a few friends, going to the wedding and then just going to the us to my parents.
– he re-appeared right after the wedding apologizing (his texts below)
– we talked a bit, i made sure to not go after him and rip him a new one since that would bake everything worse, especially if he’s going through anxiety.
– i asked if he could choose an ideal situation what it would be, and he said obviously that we’d be together, but even I asked him what I’d we had the chance to spend a prolonged amount of time together to see how we feel about everything, he said he didn’t know since he felt so shitty right now and would feel guilty if I was desilutioned If things didn’t work out.
– i do pointed out that spending good times with people is the easy part and that the hard times are what kinda make up the important parts.
– he said he realizes he’s focusing on the negative and that what I say makes sense, and he has to get out of his funk, and that he needs to breathe.
– to that I said I understand and we could talk later on in a few days or whatever.
– i later wrote him that my situation was changing mid year and I kinda had the liberty to do whatever and we could actually spend a few weeks together like properly, and to take his time to think about it.
– haven’t heard from him since, don’t know if he’s read the last msg or not.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 4:02 pm

Hi Jessika,

He’s ghosting you.. Check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

Kristina

March 8, 2018 at 4:05 pm

I haven’t heard from my bf in 11 days now. He has not tried to contact me during nc.

I’m very afraid he isn’t missing me.

I wanted my first txt to be like: I was just by the Marina and it reminded me of when we went biking riding. Made me think of you. Hope your doing great 🙂

I’m very afraid to get a no spend and also afraid that he completely moves on and finds someone else. He said that he needs to be alone and he wasn’t interested in looking for other girls right now that’s not the intention.

If there is no respond, could you give me an example for another txt I could send a different day. I can’t find it in the book I purchased the regular bundle.

Kristina

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2018 at 4:18 pm

Hi Kristina,

Nc is for you, not for him to contact you because if he does you have to ignore it.
Check this links:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

What To Do If You Get The Dreaded “No Response” After No Contact

« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 … 22 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”