What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn't Work- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

Kristina

March 8, 2018 at 2:29 am

Hello.

First of all. My bf has not contacted me for 10days now! He is also on work trip in Europe till like the 12th. He watched my insta stories.

I wanted to write my first message like this after 21-30 days of no contact:

Was just by the marina. Reminded me of the time we went bike riding. Made me think of you 🙂 (How are things?) or (hope things are well.)

What if he doesn’t reply to that? Could you give me an example of another txt I could send 5 days later maybe?

Appreciate it!

Kristina
olivia

March 7, 2018 at 3:51 pm

hi im on day 13 of no contact. My ex said he has feelings for me but they aren’t as strong as mine and he isn’t ready for a relationship right now because he wants to focus on work and get things sorted there. There has been like 4 days where he hasn’t made any contact with me, most of the time he just sends me a photo on instagram or facebook, but yesterday he sent me a message saying “even though you don’t want any contact with me, you need to see this photo”. I don’t know what to make of that message because really I didn’t need to see it. By him saying even though you don’t want contact, does that mean it maybe starting to get to him that I am not replying to any of his messages or that was his way of of trying to get my attention and make me reply to him. im confused what he wants!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2018 at 8:52 am

Hi Olivia,

Can be both..he misses talking to you because that’s what he’s used to but it doesn’t mean he wants to get back together.

Abel Xavier

February 26, 2018 at 10:38 pm

Hey , I have tried no contact, after 7 days she texted me, I dint reply.then she called me I dint recieve. Then I texted her that I am busy will call you later, then I called her after 2 hrs.when we were talking she was again saying the same things that I dint give her enough attention and behave rudely. So I ended the conversation quickly as per your advice by saying “I am bit busy call you later”.
After that it’s been 20 days she dint contact me neither text or call I also dint contact.
Please tell me what to do now .
Please please.
Thank you once again for your help. Cheers

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 2:37 pm

Hi Abel,

That means you should start the count of nc after the day you last intiiated and replied to a call or text.. how active are you in improving yourself and in posting in social media?

Rasie

February 25, 2018 at 12:53 pm

I began dating my bestfriend and we were both dealing with the same type of problems. We were too similar. Long story short on 31st we go out and everything was fine in fact perfect. After I return we talk normally and suddenly his mood changes. I didnt bother until at 5 am I find out he has been talking to his ex aka his first love. I want him to explain why he was ignoring me but he doesnt and keeps on ignoring me. We meet at class and I request him to tell me something not leave me hanging. When he doesnt I change seats. Afterwards he says that he tried but we dont click and wants to break up. We breakup and I start ignoring him then he cries and begs for me to be his bestfriend. He tells me everything and that he is not over his first love. He doesnt love his ex but likes her and he loves me. Meanwhile he keeps getting close to this other girl who s our friend and it hurts me like shit. Just talking to him as a friend hurt me crazy and all the memories… Thats when I start no contact rule. He keeps on texting and I dont reply. He understands I am ignoring him and blocks me. He tells everyone that he is done with me and does not care about me at all. I fall into severe depression becoming anorexic and failing my grades. I dont let him see that though. I pretend to be the strong girl. I dont break no contact. When almost 30 days are over I send him a text through a mutual friend. He says nothing matters now. He does not even unblock me but he asks around who I am dating. Its two months now after our breakup he unblocks me two nights earlier but does not text me or anything. Then he asks a guy friend of mine if im dating that guy friend. The guy friend tells him that we are not which confirms im single. My male friend then asks him if he misses me and he said ‘not really’. I loved him so much. We promised we would be there for eachother…. What do I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:28 pm

Hi Rasie,

see a therapist first.. since he already unblocked you, work on yourself first before slowly rebuilding rapport with him.

Cez

February 22, 2018 at 12:09 am

Hi,

My ex and i broke up last month after 1 yr together and 2 years dating. I initiated NC right after. after 2 weeks, he texted me but was angry. saying i need to accept and respect that we’re no longer a couple. he was mad saying that im making up stories.
btw, were working in the same place but not really on the same team.
i replied asking what type of stories im making and explain i didnt make up any stories and that i accepted the truth that we’re over
since then up til now, im still doing nc and he has not contacted me as well.
should i recount nc after i replied to him? coz it sould be the end of 30days nc next week (initially)
he is the most stubborn person ever but i love him to bits and thats why we lasted because i accepted him for who he was.
help please.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2018 at 10:34 pm

Hi Cez,

Yes, you need to restart it a day afted you reply to him.. How much are you improving yourself?

Melina

February 3, 2018 at 6:35 pm

In 2016 I had a big self crisis and thought he was the problem, so I told him I wanted to break up. I knew something wasn’t right and we continued talking and seeing each other, he told me he would be there for me no matter what. I started therapy and realized I have anxiety and that I really still loved him. On February I was perfectly fine to keep the relationship going but he told me he was going through his own crisis. Long story short, I kept trying to get him back the whole 2017 and we finally decided to end things on the 26th of December since his lack of attention towards me made me feel in pain all the time. We just talked a fee days later to wish each other happy New year and then I decided to try the no contact rule. In the meantime I deleted him from social media as well as his friends. Of course I failed to accomplish the rule and talked to him a week ago. He seemed pretty much upset about this and told me I wasn’t respecting our decision, which to be honest wasn’t mine but that he didn’t give me another option. Now I have this idea that he’s dating or having sex with someone else because of his connection time status on WhatsApp. Should I try the longer no contact rule? To be honest I don’t think he even cares about me anymore and I miss him like crazy. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:59 pm

Hi Melina,

do at least 30 days and make your posts public so that he will see them but don’t add him back yet.. do that when you’ve already built rapport after nc.

Lucie

January 29, 2018 at 2:17 pm

My exbf (of almost 3 years) broke up with me after I told him that my exhusband, his new wife and his family were moving back to our town (with my daughter). He quietly said that he can’t deal with any of the divorce family dynamics and that he wanted to break up. I asked him what his concerns were as my exhusband has been remarried for years now and he and I don’t have any kind of friendship whatsoever. My exbf stood his ground and still said he wanted out. I said I was upset but ok I understand. I can’t force someone to be in a relationship.. I immediately go into NC because 1. I was annoyed at his reason for the breakup 2. We’d been making serious plans to get engaged. 3. We’d been together for almost 3 years.. So the next day he sends me an email apologizing, then he calls because I didn’t respond to his email. Then 3 days later he texts me hey and he hopes I’m doing well. It’s day 14 I’ve still not broken NC but he hasn’t reached out anymore and I’m concerned…

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 5:28 pm

he’s probably just respecting your space.. Honestly, he did have a shitty reason.. It almost sounds like an excuse..

Lucie

January 29, 2018 at 2:15 pm

My exbf (of almost 3 years) broke up with me after I told him that my exhusband, his new wife and his family were moving back to our town (with my daughter). He quietly said that he can’t deal with any of the divorce family dynamics and that he wanted to break up. I asked him what his concerns were as my exhusband has been remarried for years now and he and I don’t have any kind of friendship whatsoever. My exbf stood his ground and still said he wanted out. I said I was upset but ok I understand. I can’t force someone to be in a relationship.. I immediately go into NC because 1. I was annoyed at his reason for the breakup 2. We’d been making serious plans to get engaged. 3. We’d been together for almost 3 years.. So the next day he sends me an email apologizing, then he calls because I didn’t respond to his email. Then 3 days later he texts me hey and he hopes I’m doing well. It’s day 14 I’ve still not broken NC but he hasn’t reached out anymore and I’m concerned…

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 4:57 pm

Hi Lucie,

he’s probably just respecting your space.. Honestly, he did have a shitty reason.. It almost sounds like an excuse..

Pulkit

January 27, 2018 at 9:24 am

We partially break up for one and a half month she said i want to study so we cant talk anymore & said we talk after exam when the exam over she talk but they behave like i m stranger one …not replying good only said ok, tc, gud night, ….then now i started no contact i changed the number & delete whats app & permanent delete fb …is it fine ?
What we do

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2018 at 11:24 pm

Hi Pulkit,

Open a new fb account and make it public but don’t her back again.. check this one:
EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Karen Bone

January 11, 2018 at 5:56 am

We were only together 2 months. He seemed to get a little distant on me and it turns out he is not over his ex (says she is dating someone else and when he found out that sent him into depression, but that he is done with her, just sad). I asked a few times over the course of a week if he needed space. He kept saying no that he wanted to stay in touch and was hoping he’d snap out of it. The day before we ended it, I said do you want me to leave you alone and give you some time and he said no. The next day I got a text in the middle of the day that said, “actually I do need time, please understand….I just need time to myself right now”. We texted a few texts back and forth after that I said I was sad he was sad, but also sad we were ending. The last text he sent was I’m not going anywhere, just need some time. Please keep in touch. My last text was “just yesterday I asked if you wanted me to leave you alone and you said no that you wanted to stay in touch. Today I get a text that you do need space. I am going to give you the space. I am not going to text. If you want to text to let me know that you are doing ok I would like that, but otherwise this is confusing to me.” He did not respond to that. We haven’t talked in 5 days. My question is if that if he reaches out we did not end mad at all. We have a crazy story too. My husband passed away last year (by taking his own life) and his wife cheated on him and then this girlfriend he is not over cheated on him. We are middle aged, but knew each other in college (actually kissed once and then I dated his roommate for three years so we were just friends). If he were to send a text asking how I am or letting me know he is doing ok, my not responding would come across as being a real bitch. I have read on other sites its ok to respond, but to keep it basic and factual. For instance if he were to text and say “Hey, just wanted to check on you and also let you know I am doing ok” and I didn’t respond that would seem kind of crazy. If I just say I am doing ok and was glad to hear he was doing ok and leave it at that would that be ok? I want him to text so bad, but at the same time I don’t because I don’t want to have to completely ignore him. It wouldn’t seem in context to how things ended.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 7:33 pm

Hi Karen, .

send a clean slate text.. tell him you understand his decision now and being friends is not workable for you right now and thank him for everything and wish him well in life. ANd then start the nc rule. That means you’re not going to answer if he messages you during nc and you won’t appear disrespectful because your last message was the clean slate text.

Maggie

December 31, 2017 at 2:41 am

Hi there,

I have done no contact for 3 weeks. I never heard from my ex during this time. I left a voicemail today asking for my old phone back to repair the cracked screen on it. He hardly answered the phone when we were together due to his phone phobia so I didn’t expect him to pick up. He hasn’t responded at all. I don’t want to get back with him and I’m not even hoping he’ll miss me anymore. I honestly just want my phone back at this point. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 31, 2017 at 11:07 pm

Hi Maggie,

For me you should move on. If you really need your stuff and it’s important, get all of them at once. If not, just let them go. If he doesn’t want to give your important stuff now, explain to him why you need it because he might be thinking that if you really needed them why didn’t you get them way before?

Rob

December 18, 2017 at 9:40 am

Hello my ex and i broke up 2 months ago. We were together for 5 years. Basically i cheated on him however he has also cheated on me in the past. No excuses there. Anyways, we work together in same company but different department so we bump into each other occasionally. I did no contact (maybe two weeks) and he messaged me and we started talking again and flirting and managed to go for dinner together. Now he said he cannot move on and he wants to move on so he said he doesn’t wanna continue contacting me. I really want him back cause and he still says i love you and i miss you and i know his feelings towards me are still very strong and it will just take time for him to come around. Do i repeat no contact and this time do the whole 30 days? I need your expert opinion

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 7:44 pm

Hi Rob,

check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Shruti

December 18, 2017 at 9:03 am

Hey chris
On the 10th day of my NC, one of our mutual friends texted my ex (it was his birthday) and scolded him for treating me bad and leaving me alone when i needed him. Also i did not wish him on his birthday. He got really irritated and blocked me that night. I however have not broken the no contact in any way and today is day 20. Is that bad? Was my friend wrong in doing so? Is there i should do about it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 7:23 pm

Hi Shruti,

Your friend shouldn’t have done that, but if you didn’t do anything after that, you’re good. Just keep being active in your life.

Scarlett

December 12, 2017 at 6:42 am

Hello.. 3 weeks into break up bf text me 10 days with in break up apologizing but not a meaningful apology and then saying I miss you I di t give him a positive response but I did respond then he said K and has not contacted me since then.. it will be 3 weeks this week and idk what to do since he did reach out with apology and missing me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2017 at 9:11 am

Hi Scarlett,

What was the response you gave? That means you broke nc.. How active are you in posting and in improving yourself?

Lost need direction

December 10, 2017 at 9:33 pm

Amor

Thank you for the advice but my ex is not on social media,. The only thing is WhatsApp so what do I do?And is there any point contacting him after a week or so if he did not respond the first time, I know he was on holiday when I sent the first contact texts after no contact I guess I am giving up hope of ever getting back with him

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2017 at 5:30 am

You still have to be active because he’ll get curious..just make your posts public.. If he still doesn’t reply, then yes, it’s better to move on

Shannon

December 7, 2017 at 10:30 pm

Hey all,
So my ex and I split almost a year ago now, 11 months. And when it first happened I lived on this website, it was a god send. Helped my anxiety and my sadness. I did the whole NC for two months, took all the steps and it didn’t work. He just kept ignoring me, so it came to a point to give up, well on him anyways. Deleted him from my life, everything completelt done. That was two months after we broke up and now its only a month off a year. In the year, not once has he tried to contact me. Not a single text or facebook message, none of it. Its one of those rare cases I suppose where the guy literally didn’t care about their ex, in the slightest. From friends in the same circle, he moved on and all that, as if our breakup never happened, it didnt impact him at all. And for a long time that broke my heart, why wasnt I enough, why didn’t he care, why wasn’t he sad or why didnt her ever miss me? Because he only ever cared about himself. I’m saying all this because I didn’t think I could make it through NC but it actually made me so much stronger. Even though it never resulted in him trying to talk to me. Now its been almost a year of NC and I’m still just sticking to my resolve. Amour and Chris helped me through the worst part of it, with caring and honesty. And now here I am, living my life and still not being weak. All this time showed me he wasnt worth any more of my time. He never was. And you’ll all get there too. I went from not being able to do a month of NC, to almost 12 months of it. And Im not going to break it, I refuse to crawl back to him. So just keep trucking, youll get there too, especially with the help you find here. I had the worst case, none of it worked, but I’m still so greatful for the help and support I found here. You’ll be okay, especially if you are here on this site, its a life saver.
Lost need direction

December 6, 2017 at 12:35 am

Hi Amor,
So sorry to say we where together for 1year and we broke up because he put his friend over me and we broke up in October 9andbi implemented the NC on the same day, been busy hitting the gym and socializing more.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 4:42 pm

That’s good that you are actively improving yourself but how about in doing social media posts that just stays there unless you remove them? Because that’s your indirect way of showing you’re improving and moving on.. If he still hasn’t replied by now, initiate again after a week..

Lost need direction

December 4, 2017 at 11:44 pm

Hi All,

Okay so need your help did the no contact and finished it I sent the first no contact texts and I used a memory texts or Omg had tea with my friends and they served me the cake you got me for my birthday and it made me think of you for the first time in a while and it brought a warm smile etc, but he was on holiday when I sent it, he come back yesterday saw the texts and has not responded, did me ignoring him hurt him that much he does not want to talk to me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 7:57 pm

When and why did you broke up? how long was the relationship? when and how long did you do nc and how active are you improving yourself and in posting?

Sarja

November 27, 2017 at 7:01 am

Hey, we were Never in a official relationship however, we talked for about 8 months. I wanted to pursue the relationship further and he agreed to “see where things go” but about the last month I was extremely clingly and I asked for s break but kept talking to him casually anyways. I guess that annoyed him bc he said “I lost interest.tske care” I said “that’s fine” and he said bye and then blocked me off Snapchat and twitter but left me unblocked on everything else. Been NC 2 weeks. What should I do? He asked contacted me at all or attempted to but I saw on his twitter he posted about feelings which I doubt is about anyone else bc he doesn’t catch feelings thay quick. I know he liked me and it’s hard for him to discuss feelings. Not sure what to do ? Do I message after NC? And what I should say.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2017 at 1:43 pm

Hi Sarja,

how active are you in improving yourself and in posting? Check this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Samantha

November 26, 2017 at 3:48 am

I was in a LDR with my ex and I broke up with him because he was being distant, not affectionate and I felt like he was ignoring me. I heard a rumor he was talking to a girl he used to sleep with in my area. I snapped and immediately broke up with him. I did NC for 3 weeks because we hadn’t seen each other in 4 months at that point. He hasn’t responded to my first contact text message. I made sure to mention his favorite football team and that it made me think of him because it had been a while since I thought of him. Is there hope getting a response from a man whom you’ve broken up with then ignored?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2017 at 1:54 am

Hi Sammie,

If you chased him before doing this nc, nope, he’s not holding a grudge.. It can be that he’s getting revenge, not because he’s still angry but just because of ego.. or he has moved on and he doesn’t want you to chase.

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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”