What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn't Work- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

Nella

April 21, 2017 at 10:40 pm

Hello, I dated a guy for 2 months, at the begining everything was awesome, he called me everyday to ask how was my day, we were never official but we hanged out all the weekends together and he was very nice with me, but then suddenly he started calling me less and it happened almost when I started showing my feelings to him, he passed from calling everyday to call twice a week, and sometimes only Saturday night, so I did 2 weeks no contact athen he called me back those 2 weeks I thought he would start calling everyday like before but he didn’t, I didn’t hear from him since Wednesday till Saturday night, I felt he was calling for have fun only, then I sent him the breakup message, I told him I didn’t see we were going somewhere together and told him goodbye. It has been 30 days already and haven’t heard from him at all. I wanted to texted him so many times but I held back , after one month he hasn’t contact me, what do i do, should i contact him or just forget about him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2017 at 10:48 am

If the past month was not focused in improving yourself and in being active in posting in social media, do that first..if you did, initiate texting and slowly build rapport

Mili

April 21, 2017 at 5:34 pm

Dear Amor,
Help!
Please reply!

Mili

June 3, 2017 at 8:24 am

I really want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 3, 2017 at 4:26 pm

it probably wont..
Mili

June 3, 2017 at 8:22 am

Will an another no contact work?
Please tell me
Mili

June 1, 2017 at 6:37 pm

Hello Ma’am!!

I have completed my second no contact of 2 months. But I think it didn’t worked. When I messaged him he didn’t replied. I had messaged him about the latest news of his favourite cricket player.
Also I heard from his friends.. Now he always cursed me. He sometimes teased me and cursed me on our Facebook friends conversation group…. Now he had also left that. He loves his new girl and he used to talk about her with his friends in facebook group.
Now what should I do.
I am unable to forget him. I pretend to be so happy in fb group. But I used to cry a lot everyday. I miss him so much.. We had not met for 7 months and had not talked for 2 months … Please tell me what should I do.. Will he return back to me??? I am in true love …… What can I do now?? Please suggest me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2017 at 6:45 pm

that means you have to move on, that doesnt mean you’re going to pretend you dont love him.. It means you have to learn to live on and grow even if it hurts..
Mili

April 29, 2017 at 10:10 am

Hi amor!
The second no contact is continuing…… Plssss answer my questions…..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017 at 11:55 am

just take it slow after nc.. and keep improving.. don’t be emotional.. because if you keep doing it, it’s just going to push him away
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2017 at 3:51 pm

How many times have you done no contact?

sarrita salou

April 21, 2017 at 5:50 am

Hey there. So this is the second time my boyfriend broke up with me. The first break . I used the no contact and it work well with some skills. For this one . I finished 30 days and I sent him message asking him about giving me help with information to my lawyer in work. He respond that he is sorry . so after 20 days ( yesterday) . I saw that he create new facebook account within his name and has only men friends( 48 close friends) and he wrote that he is engaged. Lol I know it’s not true ( I’ve made some reaserchs) so it’s it’s like he did that to tease me since he is being so stubborn to contact me and trying to drive crazy.. So I sent him message. Saying “you won’t beleive what just happened to me..” he didn’t answer. I know he knows my strategy I used on him in the first break up.. What I should do ? Help

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2017 at 4:35 pm

You should have waited a few more days before texting because it might have looked like you’re just reacting to his move..start a mini nc of two more weeks and then send another initial text

Mili

April 18, 2017 at 12:54 pm

Hi!

Being impatient, during my second no contact, once I called his friend and he didn’t received. Then I messaged him it was just by mistake… Should I start no contact again??? Plsss answer.

During first no contact, his friend had once told me that ” my ex had frustrated with me.. I used to doubt a lot on him and ask him many questions…and he used to give explanations… He had been irritated.” i agree its my mistake which frustrated him.. I had never said sorry to him…I want to solve this. What can i do to solve this.. ??????

Plsss plssss answer.

Help me plsss he and his new girl are getting more closer. He had not even tried to contact me once. I weeped a lot… Cried a lot. I really want him back at any cost.
I want to do anything.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2017 at 3:52 pm

How many times have you done no contact?

Sharon

April 17, 2017 at 8:13 pm

Hi there just needed some advice been on and of with my ex for about 16 years never seems to get any better but we do both love each other is it better to do nc or just go separate ways thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 24, 2017 at 6:49 pm

check this one;
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Desire You Again

Hannah

April 17, 2017 at 1:03 pm

Dear Amor, I did not reply anything so far… should I say something or not? And what? Oooh I want to do the good thing here….. please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 20, 2017 at 11:39 am

If you’re in nc, don’t reply…. You should stick to it and focus in improving yourself.. If you didn’t do that, restart the count… If you’re in the building rapport stage, reply and talk to him and end the conversation at high point.. It’s ok to initiate as long as you’re the one ending it it at high point.

Cj

April 17, 2017 at 3:50 am

I was with my boyfriend for 9 mnths it was great in the beginning then I started acting needy wanting to him to spend more time with me. Sending angry text and long letters begging and pleading. getting no response on texts or calls. I started the NC rule 2 weeks ago. but i dont think he will contact me because i stated that we needed a break and i would contact him when im ready. He is one of those people that will respect your wishes and NC. I dont think he will not after the NC ends Unless i contact him because of the text i sent him. about not contacting me till im ready. Its been almost 3 weeks no contact . I think i might have to cut my losses and move on. I dont think its gonna work for me.
Hannah

April 16, 2017 at 7:56 pm

HI Amor,
I haven’t replied to him so far….
Should I?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 20, 2017 at 11:40 am

If you’re in nc, don’t reply…. You should stick to it and focus in improving yourself.. If you didn’t do that, restart the count… If you’re in the building rapport stage, reply and talk to him and end the conversation at high point.. It’s ok to initiate as long as you’re the one ending it it at high point.

Lo

April 15, 2017 at 5:54 am

Hi!

My boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of March this year. Unintentionally (I didn’t know about NC then), I stopped all communication with him. Even when he’d text to say he was coming over to the house (we lived together) to get his things, I didn’t respond and I made sure I wasn’t home when he came over. I broke NC at the beginning of April to send an email apologising for some things I did during the relationship (nothing serious, just bad habits) and asked him NOT to respond to the mail. After that I started NC over meaning it will end at the beginning of May.

My question is this: I like to think I know my ex very well and although I know he didn’t expect me to cease all communication, I also think that he’s okay with the fact that we aren’t communicating anymore. I read every single article about NC on this site so I want to know how to go about things after NC when I think that he’s probably very neutral towards the “non-communication”? I worry that he might think it’s over for good and I’m done communicating with him forever. I worry that none of it has had an effect on him and that he has resigned himself to the fact that we are done.

Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 11:40 am

be active in improving yourself during and after nc.. and be active in posting.. take this as a restart.. that both of you had moved on and you’re goal is to reattract him back after nc.

Hannah

April 15, 2017 at 3:11 am

Amor, please ignore my last post. He texted me: yep things going ok its just my mind that is now in over thinking mode but as we said i will let you know the out come of it all soon.have a sunny day tomorow and hope you colect loads of easter eggs hahaha

What should I reply? This is a key moment! If I don’t reply am afraid he’s going to end it.

I was thinking of this reply: I’ve been thinking too. This is a big and difficult thing for u so u should only decide when your ready for it. And I feel you’re not ready, u need time just like I did. Take it cool in ur mind and it’ll come to you when time is right. Please do take that time, am cool with that. For us lets take it very easy more as friends and stay in touch? I ges it’s best till things in ur mind clears up.

Do you think this is good? Or should I just say.. Let’s be friends for now…

Please help me soon as we’re on a crossroad…

Thanks so much xx

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 11:15 am

sorry for the late reply Hannah.. what did you say to him?

Hannah

April 15, 2017 at 2:25 am

Dear Amor,
Thanks for your advise. Three questions I hope you can answer me: By don’t do it again, you obviously mean the hookup (trust me, I’ve learnt now and I won’t), but do you also mean I shouldn’t meet at all or mention my commitment to him? The second thing is that we just never decently had a conversation, we even never had a real argument or fight about all what happened so I thought maybe he will always hold the grudge as long we don’t talk with each other and he can yell it all out to me. Maybe that is what he needs, I dont know. Maybe if I always am cool, hard to get and we have no confrontation, he won’t get the fulfilment of having his revenge and seeing me hurt, so he will never get rid of the anger. See my point? Thats what am unsure about. Maybe time will heal but I was just thinking that maybe without a proper ”explosion” he will never let go of his grudge. But maybe am wrong…..
And thirdly, you advise me to improve myself… ok so I acted confident about my life when we met, reminisce memories with him, smiled even when all afternoon he talked about the other girl… what more improvement could I make that he would notice? Thanks ever again, you make all the difference on these hard times xx
Hannah

April 14, 2017 at 6:25 pm

Hi Amor,
Thanks ever so much for your advise. Three questions I hope you can answer me: By don’t do it again, you obviously mean the hookup (trust me, I’ve learnt now and I won’t), but do you also mean I shoudn’t mention my commitment to him? The second thing is that we just never decently had a conversation, we even never had a real argument or fight about all what happened so I thought maybe he will always hold the grudge as long we don’t talk with each other and he can yell it all out to me. Maybe that is what he needs, I dont know. Maybe if I always am cool, hard to get and we have no confrontation, he won’t get the fulfilment of having his revenge and seeing me hurt, so he will never get rid of the anger. See my point? Thats what am unsure about. Maybe time will heal but I was just thinking that maybe without a proper ”explosion” he will never let go of his grudge. But maybe am wrong…..
And thirdly, you advise me to improve myself… ok so I acted confident about my life when we met, reminisce memories with him, smiled even when all afternoon he talked about the other girl… what more improvement could I make that he would notice? Thanks ever again, you make all the difference on these hard times xx
Hannah

April 14, 2017 at 6:23 pm

Hi Amor,
Thanks ever so much for your advise. Three questions I hope you can answer me: By don’t do it again, you obviously mean the hookup (trust me, I’ve learnt now and I won’t), but do you also mean I shoudn’t mention my commitment to him? The second thing is we that just never decently had a conversation, we even never had a real argument or fight about all what happened so I thought maybe he will always hold the grudge as long we don’t talk with each other and he can yell it all out to me. Maybe that is what he needs, I dont know. Maybe if I always am cool, hard to get and we have no confrontation, he won’t get the fulfilment of having his revenge and seeing me hurt, so he will never get rid of the anger. See my point? Thats what am unsure about. Maybe time will heal but I was just thinking that maybe without a proper ”explosion” he will never let go of his grudge. But maybe am wrong…..
And thirdly, you advise me to improve myself… ok so I acted confident about my life when we met, reminisce memories with him, smiled even when all afternoon he talked about the other girl… what more improvement could I make that he would notice? Thanks ever again, you make all the difference on these hard times xx
Hannah

April 13, 2017 at 4:13 am

Hi Amor,
I was 5 years on long distance realationship with my man, but it took me too long to fully commit and marry him. He gave up and without warning he suddenly had another girl. It freaked me out and I begged him to be with me, I would commit, but he harshly pushed me away. Since then we were a few times together for a night, had a great time dancing also hooking up but afterwards he always turn his back on me and move further with her. It was only then I found your websites. It helped me so much. I did nc, did everything right, built rapport, afterwards flirty, but I fell for his trap of him inviting me to his home. We talked. I played confident and vague about new men in my life and he kept on telling about his girl. Mostly positives but also some negatives. I couldnt help myself telling him that if we would go for each other i would fully commit to him. So he knows i still want him. His expression was so utterly happy after i told that. But when he asked: “but would that mean we would get married”, I was so surprised that I said “maybe”, not a full yes. But.. we had sex. Just after the sex I saw a used box of condoms next to his bed which he clearly placed there for me to see it. So the whole meeting was set up to make me jealous. With the goodbye he kissed me on the mouth and asked me yo call him. Afterwards, now 5 days ago, I went into nc, as I know we shouldn’t have hooked up. But he is in nc too making me feel he only wanted the sex. What to do? Maybe he sees it as a confirmation that I still don’t want to commit which is not true. I want to tell him that but then I seem needy!!!! Better stay in nc? Oooh it drives me nuts, but it seems he wants to get his revange for the hurt I caused by waiting so long before committing and only doing that when he found another girl….. I hope u can help me xx

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2017 at 6:39 pm

improvement, success is always the best option.. whatever his intentions were, just don’t do that again with him.. if you want a chance with him, improve yourself massively, and then take it slow in building rapport after nc while continuing to improve yourself.

Nanii

April 7, 2017 at 9:38 pm

Hi , I have my ex boyfriend in snapchat and he can see my SnapStories … now I am in day 10 of NC ,I don’t know if I should I post SnapStorie that I am going to gym to get in shape and I changed my life ? Or should I disappear completely ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 3:13 pm

that’s good be active in posting

Nina

April 4, 2017 at 9:26 pm

Hey.. I’m on day 21 of no contact but on day 16th I got an accidental text from him which I’m quite sure he sent on purpose and i replied him back two hours later and didn’t get any response from him after that now I’m regretting it. What do I do? I had deactivated my facebook after the break up and also deleted him before deactivating it and I also unfollowed him on Instagram but he is still following me. We’re still friends on Snapchat though. And he always sees my stories. And I have also changed my whatsapp number so he can’t see me there either. And I also got an email invitation on day 10 of nc from his LinkedIn profile and I didn’t accept it. I don’t know what to do. Will he ever contact me again. I’ve never begged him to stay or anything. It was a mutual split. He wanted to stay friends but i didn’t agree and went nc after telling him that it’s over. He is too proud to come back. Please reply.

Bads

June 25, 2017 at 8:37 am

Hi amor, My ex broke up with me mid month of april K did not talk to her for atleast 1 week then I tried to contact her again she responded we saw each other we have plans then our plans didn’t push thru since her parents did not allow her then after 1 week of talking to each other, she said she’s not happy anymore she’s stressed, she wants to be alone that she’s curious because even though we broke up why are we still talking etc etc then I started nc for atleast 11 days then we saw each other then we texted after we saw each other then I gave her something then she got mad she said she appreciates my effort but shes not coming back she’s stressed and she’s not happy with her life and to me, so I started nc for aleast 2 weeks then I broke it I tried messaging her with some random stories at first she’s not responding she keeps on seen-ing my messages then after 2 days she replied saying I should not talk to her because she has nothing to say also once she replies I’m becoming gnat she said if I became gnat she’ll block me now Its been to 2 weeks again since no nc. Do you think The nc for 30 days will work?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2017 at 5:53 am

It depends on how much you will improve during and after it, and if you wont rush
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 5:13 pm

Hi Nina,

you need to restart the count from the day after day 16..

Mili

April 2, 2017 at 6:23 pm

I had explained my situation in detail earlier….

Mili

April 20, 2017 at 3:28 pm

Help me!

Mam I had told him many bad words many bad things during our fight… Now I am feeling so guilty for that because he will remember all that and will never talk to me.. I had sorry but he didn’t replied….. Please tell me if there is any way to solve it.. And to make him forget all those things??? Pls pls pls tell me what should I do????

Also being impatient, I called his friend during this second no contact. He didn’t received. Then I send a message that it was by mistake….. Should I start the no contact again???
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2017 at 3:51 pm

How many times have you done no contact?
Mili

April 16, 2017 at 7:25 am

Last time, the message I send him first after no contact, you had said “they were so obvious and you were thinking about him”…….. So what msg should I send him after this second no contact… Please tell me, what should be my first message???
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 2:56 pm

list his interests.. if there’s something that’s current, better.. try the advice here:
EBR 022- How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend
Mili

April 7, 2017 at 5:23 pm

Mam, please tell me can I talk to that girl as friend whom he loves now, during no contact period?? We sometimes talk in fb.. Is it good ???
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 2:53 pm

nope.. you have to stop talking to her too
Mili

April 6, 2017 at 5:12 pm

I am unable to understand “the being there strategy” how can I be there in long distance relation.????
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 3:04 pm

You shouldn’t send him a last message anymore now because of that.. you just have to stop chasing him and stop stalking. Just start the no contact rule.. Do at least 45 days..focus in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. after that slowly build rapport.. your communication will serve as your being there strategy in long distance..
Mili

April 6, 2017 at 5:06 pm

Hey!
I am unable to understand “The Being there strategy”. How can I be there?

Also, I want to say few days ago, I send friend request to that girl and she accepted. We talk a lot. We became good friends. I don’t know she really want to become frnd or its her trick. She had also told me many things about her past.. (Ex bf). She pretended that she is not interested in my ex but I think she is (according to her Talkings). But i had not told her about our breakup. Please answer me, Should I continue to talk with her in no contact period???? Yes or no…. My ex was very angry because I am talking with her.
Mili

April 6, 2017 at 1:18 pm

Hey!
Please tell me what should be my last message.. I again requested him a lot for our relation. But he told everything is over.
Mili

April 5, 2017 at 6:42 pm

Mam, we are in long distance relation. We had not met for about 7months… How will I make him to love me….???? Is this long distance relation matters in getting him back?
Mili

April 5, 2017 at 6:38 pm

Hi!

We again had a dangerous fight on fb… He was continuously telling me rough things… Cursed me a lot as I was spying him in my no contact period. I tried to convince him a lot this time… I also said some loving words at last… I was unable to control my emotions…. At last he told me– he don’t care bout me.. There was a time when your words mean something to me. But now time has changed. U mean nothing to me… I am no more interested in u, whether u cry or laugh… Don’t behave like a mad… Focus on your studies. Don’t message me”. He thinks that I am copying his new love’s qualities and also telling wrong things to her…. I tried to make him believe this is wrong… But he didn’t believe me… I weeped also but he really don’t cares… I think that his friend whom I used to ask about him on phone was not good… He had created many misunderstandings between us… And there is no way to proof myself…

Now what will I do?? I want to start no contact… But what should be my last message??? Please tell me
Mili

April 3, 2017 at 6:06 pm

After no contact, what will I have to do ?? Next day, he told me very sweetly, that ” be strong.. Dont waste emotions and time for me. Please accept the truth that I now love another girl.. Plssss move on. Focus on your life. Don’t think about me. ” its really a killing message… I want to get him back. I really love him a lot mam… I am unable to see any way by which he can miss me… What can I do?? After completion of 2nd no contact, what should my message.. I am too afraid, as he is happy with the another girl, he will forget me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 3:25 pm

He has to think you have moved on.. so, you have to be really active in improving yourself and date during this nc too. So, that when you initiate after nc, he would think you’re just being friendly, and not chasing. Don’t tell him you’re just being friendly. Just be friendly.. Because if he senses you’re trying to get him back, he will be protective of his current relationship and avoid you. follow the advice here:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 6:55 am

send a clean slate text, that what has been said is just out of anger.. and you agree that both of you need to move on and you wish the best for him.. dont talk to his friends, nor to mutual friends about your feelings. Dont ask about him.. do one last nc of 45 days, be very active in improving yourself and in posting..

Mili

April 2, 2017 at 6:21 pm

Hi!
Help!
We had a danger fight…. Really a bad one.. He had cursed me a lot. His friend had told him everything … That I used to ask about him everyday…. He also insulted and humiliated me a lot by describing that his new crush is much more better than me
….. I had also told some rough words to him, for which now I am feeling guilty.. I had also told him that I had moved on and don’t love him anymore…. But this is really not true….. We had a huge fight in Facebook…. I am feeling so lowly….. He knew that I was so sick but he told I don’t care…

I am so afraid, they are in same class, they spent lot of time together and also talk in fb, msg box…. They will become more closer to each other…..
Now what should I do ????
Plss give me suggestions….
Nikiii

March 30, 2017 at 11:46 pm

Hello. My ex and I lived together and broke up in October 2016.

Well, last time I saw my boyfriend was on February 28, 2017, more than a month ago. We kissed only, we had no sex. I went to his house after not talking to him since December (or first January days). I had to go to his place, I was desperate. I hadn’t stopped thinking of him and I still didn’t understand why we broke up since we were so happy and then suddenly… boom! He explodes, he’s tired of me and we fight and break up.
The thing is, I went to his house to talk to him, I didn’t ask him to get back together, I never went to beg. He told me he was suffocated, tired, that we took the decision to live together so fast, and that the fact that he was working and I was jobless, was a problem. I always told me it was hard for me to be a “housewife”, he knew it, he knew it made be a bit depressed not to find a job, but he said he would support me no matter what. The thruth is, deep inside, he was just being pleasant, he didn’t tolerate my crisis.
He told me all that in my face, and then I asked him if he really thought we were over… He shut his eyes, kept silent, and began to cry. I told him to tell me what he felt and he say he didn’t want to (while he covered his face). Suddenly he exploded and told me that it was hard for him to assimilate that we are over, that it has been hard for him to deal with it, that it has been too hard for him to miss me and to leave alone again… he cried and remained a few seconds looking me directly in the eyes, I could feel he was full of pain, or maybe still in love, or maybe… who knows? Maybe so nostalgic about the funny relationship we had. I asked him again if it was over, and he said YES, it’s over. At the end, we kissed before I left, and before I got into the cab…We kissed with a passion that I can’t explain…. He told me not to go home, to stay a little more, and I said no… and I left.

I knew he wanted sex. I wasnt going to sleep in that bed again, because there was a moment when I got into the bathroom and I saw an intimate soap-gel. AND IT WAS NOT MINE. It was clear other girls have slept on my ex-bed.
I don’t blame him, we broke last year and I have dated and slept with other guys too, but one thing is sex, and another one is love. I still can’t get my ex out of my head, I still want to try it again, I still think we were incredible each other and still can be. I refuse to believe it’s over.
Even when I’ve tried to keep my mind busy with temporary jobs, and I’ve been invloved in good projects, and keep myself pretty and I feel pretty… Nothing gets his attention. He hasn’t blocked me from Whatssap and Facebook, so he has access to some stuff I publish. I also have some friends of his following me on Instagram, he might now what I’m doing.

What should I do to get him back? I have fear to call him or to text him only to be ignored.
He’s so confusing. He tells me its over but then he cries and tells me its hard for him and then we kiss in the end… I think he’s a coward, A coward I love unfortunately. He just doesn’t want to be in a relationship. And maybe he thinks I’ll always look for him.

What’s next? Do I have any salvation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 9:08 pm

Hi Nikii,

the change has to be genuine. Temporary jobs is a good start, switch to a more stable one and have solid routine. Check this one:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Mili

March 29, 2017 at 7:03 pm

Help!
I think I am far away from the concept of ungettable girl.
Since we are in long distance relation, we only had one date in past. And that date was like Chris’s boring date example in the ungettable girl link….yes I am so much shy… Now how can I correct myself. If I all be a ungettable girl, how will he know that? He is far away from me in other school… Who will tell him about me?? I am very afraid, if he forget me…. I really love him so much….. 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 3:27 pm

you’re only is through posting.. you ahve to start to get of your shell.. do more new things..

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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”