What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn't Work- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

Mili

March 29, 2017 at 6:11 pm

Hiiii!
I am so tensed. That girl whom he likes, they are in same class… They will always be together in class and they also talk in Facebook… Their closeness will increase… I am so scared, If I don’t talk to him, he can forget me… I had started no contact, but i am so afraid if he will not miss me. ……
Mili

March 28, 2017 at 6:58 pm

During no contact, I used tk ask his frnd about him. He told him everything… Now my ex was telling very rudely to me, why are you disturbing others..

He is not replying, should I do no contact again??
What is meant by ungettable girl? How can I be ungettable girl?? Is it possible in long distance relation?

Please give me some suggestions… I don’t know, what should I do next???

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 11:42 am

Hi Milli,

click this link: The Ungettable Girl

it explains what an ungettable girl is.

Restart the nc, don’t talk to his friends to ask about him. Don’t chase. Do at least 45 days and improve yourself. Follow the advice on the link above on how to be an ungettable girl.

Mili

March 26, 2017 at 8:33 pm

Hello.
I have explained my condition earlier. I had completed my no contact of 30days. In the last holi festival, I had messaged him” remember how u have coloured my face last year?”. He then replied- “yes that pic always loops in my mind”. But then he said, “I am impressed with ur patience…. I wished him happy holi n bye..but he didn’t replied. Then after few days, I again texted him -” eating dahibada(a food), remember last year we were fighting for this dish”… He then said I don’t want to remember all those things, I asked him – did u ate it? He didn’t replied. I said bye…. On 24th, I again messaged him for asking – how’s ur class 11 result.. He said I don’t know…. I sometimes had. Asked his one frnd about him during no contact…..

Is it good for me to initiate the conversation every time..?? He is not replying even…

Yes I am continuously trying for improvement, I concentrate on my studies, do sketches, do exercises, do singing n keep myself busy all the day.on every Sunday, I go with my friends to enjoy…I also writes poems n posts them on my fb page n profile… But sometimes at night, I weeped a lot for him, I miss him so much……

I think it is good to tell you that, the girl, whom he likes now, is really talented… She is a wonderful artist, a good singer also good in studies and beautiful too……….. I am also beautiful n good in studies but m not good artist or singer… I m trying to learn singing online………….

We had not meet for about 5 months. Being in long distance relation, it is so difficult.
I really love him a lot. I can’t live without him. Please please help me in getting him back….

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 2:14 pm

Hi Mili,

it’s ok to initiate but the texts above were so obvious that you are trying to make him remember and that you only think about him..

you have to change your mindset too..the more you don’t put yourself first and not willing to let go, the more you’re going to desperate…
its not about her singing..it’s the confidence that matters..

he sees her as a grass is greener so be an ungettable girl..
The Ungettable Girl

Mili

March 18, 2017 at 8:05 pm

We are teenagers. We were in 8months relation. After class 10th, our school changed, we were in a long distance relation. But even then he used to love me so much. But for about 3 months, he was changing- rejecting to tell me ” I love u”, not talking to me, not replying me, very rude behave, and ignoring me. Then last month, he told “we are just frnds, I don’t want any reln. I have now no feelings for u”. I requested him a lot for 2 days. Then, I started no contact. I finished it properly. I messaged him on fb, he replied positively, but he then told me rough words, and after I had messaged him two msgs, which he had not replied but seen……. I am so scared. What should I do now..

I have been also listening from his frnds, that he now loves another girl who is very much talented, a all- rounder and also single ( breakup with his bf). He had also told me about that girl, he used to appreciate her a lot. He also give lovable comments on her pics on facebook. I don’t know they are in relation or not, but I m sure they talk to each other…. I really love him a lot and used to cry a lot for him…I can’t live without him… Plssssss help me what should I do…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 23, 2017 at 9:26 am

Hi Mili

how long did you do nc, how much did you improve, how active were you in posting, what were the texts you sent and when did you sent them?

Mili

March 18, 2017 at 7:50 pm

I want help.. My condition is so different

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 23, 2017 at 9:26 am

Hi Mili

how long did you do nc, how much did you improve, how active were you in posting, what were the texts you sent and when did you sent them?

Mili

March 18, 2017 at 7:49 pm

Help me please

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 23, 2017 at 9:26 am

Hi Mili

how long did you do nc, how much did you improve, how active were you in posting, what were the texts you sent and when did you sent them?

Mili

March 18, 2017 at 7:49 pm

Hey

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 23, 2017 at 9:27 am

Hi Mili

how long did you do nc, how much did you improve, how active were you in posting, what were the texts you sent and when did you sent them?

Julie

March 6, 2017 at 9:12 pm

Help! Not sure what to do next. After sending the first contact message received a very positive response which resulted in my ex replying see you soon and a kiss at the end. I had my next message to send for day 3 but my ex tried to ring me twice the next day after first contact message. He then texted to say why don’t you answer? I replied back saying I was out and I hope you are okay. I haven’t heard anything back from him and that was on Friday. I know he was going away for the weekend so was thinking I might hear back from him when he gets back. Should I send another message in a few days if I don’t hear anything back? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2017 at 8:33 am

Hi Julie,

yes, that’s ok..

Aria

March 5, 2017 at 2:21 pm

Hi,

I’m in desperate need of proffesionnal advice. My boyfriend of 6 months left me a week ago because we were fighting way too much over every little thing. He told me that he was done trying and that he was doing it so that we could both be happier in the long run. I was crying, I asked him not to leave me and he said that we were not getting back together. He was done trying and it just wasn’t worth it anymore for him. Overall, it ended pretty well, there was no yelling, we just talked and I cried. He said that we could still be friends and I told him I didn’t want to lose him and that I would miss talking to him everyday and I said goodbye like it was the last time we would ever see each other and i wished him a happy life and he said not to say it like that. I would say we’re on good terms. Instantly after that, I began NC. It was a week yesterday and he still hasn’t texted me. I’m scared that he’s going to move on and i’m also scared that he doesn’t care that we’re not together anymore. But he is also very stubborn so a part of me wants to believe that he’s waiting for me to text him first. I do believe that he loved me but knowing his personality, I’m worried that he’s going to move on quickly before the NC period is over.. I also noticed that he’ been following so many girls on instagram, which I don’t understand because i couldn’t even think about another guy right now. Anyways, I had a question, since we ended on good terms and considering that we didn’t date for a very long period of time, would it be possible to contact him after only 2 weeks on of NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2017 at 2:39 pm

Hi Aria,

the shortest we recommend is 21 days, and that is for relationships shorter than yours.. So,I think you should stick to 30 and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Lucy

March 4, 2017 at 7:50 am

Hi,
My ex and I knew each other for 20 years since highschool and started dating 1.5yrs ago.

However, 7 months into the relationship I realised it is not going anywhere and ended it. We reconciled, and 8 months after this breakup I found out that he has been referring me as a ‘friend’ or saying that he’s single to people I don’t know. It shocked me as I thought we were a couple since we still do things that couples do (privately & publicly) and still express our love to each other. We talked about it and he say that I am in between a friend & girlfriend status.

Not long after, I discovered that he has been having an affair during his business trips repeatedly with the same girl. He doesn’t know I know, I did not confront him, and walked out on him. I did not call or text him except when asking for each other’s things. He did text a few times dropping hints that he would like to see me. We still live in the same building and I was nonchalant to him when we bump to each other which he will then text me after. I did not reply to any of them.

I only learn about the NC in this site now, a month later. Since I did not contact him for a month (42 days to be exact) except when exchanging important items, does this constitute as me completing the NC? Now, do I confront him and tell him i knew about the affair? If/when I do, do I restart the NC since i have let out the knowledge of his affair out my chest? What to do post-NC in my situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2017 at 6:45 pm

Hi Lucy,

if you are going to confront him, confront him now and then restart the count. During nc focus in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

smitten

March 1, 2017 at 5:17 pm

HELP! I am so confused.
Met this great guy through work, he was dating someone so we were just friends. I contacted him in regards to a work situation and he told me they broke up. we talked and went on a date a couple weeks later. After the date I texted him the next day and he responded. Then I wanted him to initiate so I didn’t contact him. After two weeks I sent him a text and we talked and he thought I wasn’t interested so he was going to leave me alone. During this time I found out he broke it off with his 4 year long gf just a month bf we went on our date. After we got back in touch we talked everyday he initiated or I did.. but it would take him hours sometimes to respond. So after about three weeks I was under a lot of stress and I asked him if he was even interested because he didn’t ask me about what I was going through and kept me at arms length ( he did not know that I knew he broke it off or that it was only a month earlier) and was giving mized signals. I was also told he was shy.. So after I asked if he was interested he never initiated conversation so I texted him about every three days and he would respond and we would talk. Finally I sent him a text one morning, never heard back but oddly enough saw him out at a restaurant that very night with a guy friend and I was with girlfriends. We saw each other but I didn’t go up to him and he didn’t come to me. Never heard from him and started the 30 day NC. After the 35 day I contacted him, we talked quite a bit, the next day I asked if he wanted to get together and catch up, he said yes and wanted to that night, but I had my son so I couldn’t. I told him when I could, and we both agreed. Just so happens the night we were supposed to get together, that day he showed up at my job to work on a large project, we saw each other and he texted and confirmed plans that night. He ended up not coming over because he didn’t get off work til 10 pm (13 hr day for him) and he said he was exhausted. Which I understood. Next morning I text him telling him my plans had cleared up and I was available that night. 4 hours later he texted back that he already had plans but maybe we could try again soon. I told him okay I figured as much since I knew it was last minute to let me know when he was available to see if we could work it out.. and it has now been 6 days and I haven’t heard from him! UGH! Is he shy? not interested or truly is interested but bc he is newly out of a relationship realized he doesn’t want anything right now? GRR What is my next move?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 10:17 pm

Hi,

It looks like you were his rebound.. It’s good that you started the no contact rule but now you’re moving too fast. Build rapport slowly first. Texts, calls and then meet ups and continue improving yourself.

Jenna

March 1, 2017 at 4:56 pm

Help! Really liked this guy he and I were friends for about two years while he was dating someone.. he broke up w his 4 year relationship w her in November. We went on a date the first of dec. after the date I didn’t initiate texts or conversation and finally after two weeks I said something. He thought I wasn’t interested. We talked for about a month everyday.. but he was delayed in responding to texts but would initiate if he didn’t hear from me. Had some issues w my family and I got upset and asked him if he was interested and he told me he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Then I had to initiate conversation and he would reply but then once he didn’t. I saw him out w a guy at a restaurant that same night. Never heard from him. Waited the 30 days reached out to him. He seemd real excited to talk to me.. then the next day I asked if he wanted to get together. He was eager and gave me his work schedule that day so we could get together that night. , but I couldn’t that night.. told him two days later I could. Just so happened he showed up at work the day we were supposed to meet that night to work on a project w me.. we texted quite a bit during that day and project and confirmed we were hanging out. He ended up getting snagged up at work and worked a 15 hour day told me he was exhausted and we would do it another time. The next day I told him my plans for that night had been cleared and wanted to know if he wanted to try again.. 4 hours later he texted back saying he had plans already.. I said I figured as much bc I knew it was last minute to let me know when he was available and we would try again.. that was 6 days ago.. what’s my next move? 30 days nc again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 10:17 pm

Hi,

It looks like you were his rebound.. It’s good that you started the no contact rule but now you’re moving too fast. Build rapport slowly first. Texts, calls and then meet ups and continue improving yourself.

Dave

February 28, 2017 at 5:37 pm

I can’t start the no contact rule. I removed her number but had it memorized so i punch it in to text her. It’s been over 2 months she’s since done my taxes another night I got mail we hugged for 20 minutes on the couch and standing before I left. I know she’s got a tough outer shell that’ll be 10 times harder to get through again. I can explain what led to this if someone wants me to email this site.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2017 at 9:28 pm

Hi Dave,

we can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself because you’re the one who’s going to do the no contact rule.

Samantha

February 27, 2017 at 6:36 pm

Hi my long distance boyfriend of 10 months told me he wanted a break in jan and I finished the no contact period and its now 37 days and he hasn’t tried to contact me but has me on social media still. I haven’t reached out do I still wait ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Hi Samantha,

you can initiate. Open this link:
Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

Jolie

February 22, 2017 at 11:11 am

Hi, it’s been 30 days of NC. but i noticed that he still blocks me. what should i do and how do i initiate contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 11:30 pm

Hi Jolie,

As in everywhere? Check this one:
EBR 002: What To Do If You Have No Way Of Talking To Your Ex

Elizabeth

February 15, 2017 at 1:00 am

It’s been 35 days since NC. I’ve never broke contact. I’ve been string. He broke up with me claiming we don’t have anything in common, I did nothing wrong, he may regret it later & he doesn’t know why he feels this way. Yet I’m a good girl, he has nothing negative to say about me, I have everything to offer but he doesn’t know.
He’s a Taurus (stubborn) besides I feel since he broke up with me for no legitimate reason why should I have to contact him? Despite me upgrading myself (car, advancing in my career & losing weight) I wonder did he move on, was that BS, does he think of me?
So I guess he won’t contact me. And I’m not saying this because of it being Valentine’s Day.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 6:06 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

Set a limit on until when you would wait for him to initiate contact before moving on.

Amber

February 5, 2017 at 8:04 pm

Hey guys, I need some serious help here. My boyfriend and I of 6 years broke up a week and a half ago. It started with him requesting space and turned into me going crazy to try and get him to speak to me. It got to a point where he restricted my number through his phone company. He was saying I did not give him enough freedom and I was not appreciative of his efforts. I hadn’t been treating him well for a few months. After Christmas I had asked him to move in with me because of tension with his mother and I and how it affected our holidays. He strongly disagreed and eventually caved and moved in with me. He did everything for me during that period until one day his family booked a trip to Texas without him because they said he abandoned him. When he didn’t come home ( my house ) to shower I lost it and told him to come over and show me he cared. He deaded me that night and has been deading me ever since until this Friday. I showed up at his house and waited for him even tho he said I was “stalking” him and that I please stop and he was done with me. I even contacted him from a different number using the Phoner app and blew up his phone I ended up waiting long enough to see him… he was angry and told me to leave or he would call the police. I pushed and pushed and even begged he let me inside his house after him telling me to get off his property. After I left, he texted me friend saying our encounter did not go well and to check on me I know he loves me and I know I messed up by going full blown psycho but what are my chances here. I wrote a letter and planned to get dolled up tomorrow and hand it to him before starting my NC. Judging by how my last attempts were me bein a mess after not eating or sleeping.. I looked horrible. I’m not sure of my chances here and would like some advice. I love him and definitely learned my lesson that you do not know what you have until it’s gone. Is me going there looking my best to hand the letter and walk away a bad idea? Also how would NC work if he had to ask him mom to call Verizon and restrict my number from calling? When things were good they were amazing and when things were bad they were horrible.

Any help would be so lovely

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2017 at 11:17 pm

Hi Amber,

I think you need to read this two:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Aurora

February 3, 2017 at 1:46 pm

Hello,

I have been doing strict NC for 37 days. We have had NC whatsoever. Hardest month+ of my life.

Some background: We dated for 6 years and I wanted to take the relationship to the next level by moving in together, it has been a long distance relationship for the past 3 years. The last 3 months of the relationship we tough I recently lost my job and had a lot a family and personal issues. We had been fighting a lot but I never saw all the things he said to be coming. We had an argument about me moving up and then i said we should just break up which is not uncommon. He fell silent and agreed..I was in stock and then he proceeded to tell me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and he no longer found me attractive..just that we were best friends. Long story short we met up again 7 days after the break up and talked for a bit. I tried to come to terms with things and just asked a few questions but said this was a good thing. But since then which is now 37 days we have had no contact. I miss him so much. He was my everything and my best friend. I have been working on myself and my happiness but still think about him everyday.

Should I reach out to him? Everyone I talk to says no. “That he will regret it and come back”, but I don’t think thats true. Why should I want someone who doesn’t want me. Who doesn’t love me enough to stay by my side which I truly needed them and who never made me a priority…I apologize for the rant..I just really need some advice. Please advise.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 7:25 pm

Hi Aurora,

you said you’ve been working on yourself, that’s good. But how much did you improve and were you active in posting in social media? Because if not, extend 2 more weeks and then initiate contact after that to rebuild rapport while continuing the new routine you started..

Violet

February 3, 2017 at 5:37 am

Hi Amor,
I was on this site before and told my story and got advice of doing 60 day nc and then message, but take it as a restart. I did finish like 62 days and made a lot of progress I guess:) anyways, I did text him and he replied very positively, his texts were long and he was asking me questions about my life and was more engaged in convo than me and showed more interest. And said he would like to see my smile. However, I was a liitle busy so it took me about an hour to reply to his messages. As he replied to first one really fast, he sent other two with an hour gap just like me. After his 3rd text I decided not to reply and replied next day saying I fell asleep and answered his question, leaving the convo open. And he didn’t reply to this. That is weird cuz he was so exited when I texted. So now I am a little confused, cuz I understand I should wait but idk if it’s ok to initiate the second contact, cuz after break up I was always available for him and chased him for several month,while he was cold and hot. That’s why I did such long nc. So I am afraid that if I wait 3-5 days and then text again he will start to think I am chasing again. No contact helped me and I have a totally different mindset now, but my behavior after break up caused lot of damage I guess. I really just want to give it another shot and if it doesn’t work its alright. So is it safe to do so or should I just wait for him to initiate as soon as I already showed I am back in the picture?
I appreciate you help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 5:53 pm

Hi Violet,

try to wait 3 days if he doesn’t initiate, it’s ok if you do..

ida

January 29, 2017 at 3:50 pm

Hi?
I need help on what to do because I’m confused about my situation with my ex.
I was on no contact rule for 17 days and contacted my ex to point out some of his mistakes and what made me uncomfortable through out our relationship so that he would think about it as i continue with no contact. He replied saying that,i ignored him but it’s okay and that he will text me next week so we can meet and talk.(it seems the no contact affected him)I texted back and told him i know you are upset but I wasn’t ready for friendship and that’s why i needed space and i still do if we are gonna be friends.He said okay and the conversation ended.What should i do? I just wanted him to realise what hurt me because i want him to change his behavior. Should i continue with no contact? Or should i start? What if he contacts me, should i ignore?i know he might get mad this time round if i ignore and he might decide to not want anything to do with me. Did i go wrong or should i just continue talking to him and make the discussions short as possible? Help please.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 12:53 pm

Hi Ida,

at this point, the nc period is already broken, and you have already agreed to talk.. I think talk first and then decide from there on what to do

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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”