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1,033 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

  1. Radhu

    January 20, 2017 at 10:18 am

    He was cheating me..He was in 2 relationships at the same time..Always in NC rule for 1 month..but nothing happens..He is busy with his works..Not missing not even once…Will he come back??Will he miss me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2017 at 5:58 pm

      Hi Radhu

      the more you do nc, the less it can help, to the point that it wont anymore.. that means you have to move on

  2. Shellie

    January 20, 2017 at 8:00 am

    Hi,
    So my boyfriend moved to NY on the 9th and broke up with me the same day. I have been doing the NC with hope of getting back together. The plan was for me to move with him, but in a few months. He has called me almost everyday, I did answer twice. So I guess I should restart. There are also other things which he did that make it harder. He deleted me on all social media. I still follow him on Instagram, I’ve seen him adding girls and he even added his ex girlfriend. That girl ran him over with a car, and he added her back, but won’t add me. What do I do? I’m almost at the point’s don’t even want him, because he deleted me and adds his ex back, and broke up with me the day he left. But I still want it to work out with us. Love will make you do things you never thought you would. I really want to call him out on everything, but I don’t know If I should? Please help, thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      Hi Shellie,

      if you really want a higher chance, restart the no contact rule.. focus in improving yourself..

  3. Fers

    January 18, 2017 at 11:51 am

    Hi
    I finished NC the day before yesterday and implemented all the techniques suggested on the website and EBR pro to improve myself. I utilised FB and didn’t break NC at any point. I messaged my ex a “you won’t believe what I just saw” type message last night. I’ve not had a response.

    I’m not sure where to go from here. How long should I wait until I can say that he definitely is ignoring my message.?

    Thank you

    1. Fers

      January 19, 2017 at 8:50 am

      Thank you Amor.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      you’re welcome!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Hi Fers,

      wait 3-5 days before trying again..if he ignores that..wait a week before another sending another one

  4. Abby

    January 17, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    Hello,

    I need some advice with my recent relationship. We have been together for 1 year and 5 months, or well, we were together. I spent Christmas and New years eve with him and his family. We got into arguments every other day over small stuff. However, we did have a good time overall. On new years eve he kissed me and we had a blast. The night started a bit standoffish but then we let it go and started having fun. Our flight left on New Years day, and his parents dropped us off. He did not walk me to my gate and said he was giving up and was done. I tried to convince him to not do this, but he left to his gate. We are in a Long Distance Relationship. I sent him texts on the 1st and 2nd day of January and he never responded. I started the NC, but just broke it today! Day 17th! šŸ™ Ugh! I sent him a text saying that I had a funny dream about him. I seriously thought this out and thought it would work, but it didn’t. He read it and completely ignored it. I want to start the NC again, but what does that mean? Should I just give up completely? I hate this feeling because I knew he wasn’t going to respond. He has been looking at my snapchat stories and he still hasn’t changed his facebook status, pictures or anything about us. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 9:43 pm

      Hi Abby,

      restart and finish this second nc first. Do 30 days.. if he doesn’t reapond to your first contact text again, then move on..

  5. Nicole Jay

    January 17, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    NC Rule did not work for me! I went 36 days of NC and text and funny, kinda miss you text as Chris suggested. He did’nt reply a bit, but the next day at Church he was wearing a bracelet I bought him! Very special meaning. I tried a few days later to text again and no reply. I sent two text and NOTHING! My heart feels broken all over again.

    1. Nicole Jay

      February 14, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      UPDATE: The day of all days, Valentineā€™s Day! I finally saw him out and about, and I called him. He was very nice at first he said he hadnā€™t returned my text because he didnā€™t want to talk to me because he couldnā€™t trust me, we couldnā€™t even be friends because I metal into things which arenā€™t my business. We talked for 5 mins and at the end he told me to have a Happy Valentineā€™s Day, be careful and see ya later. Not a bad goodbye! I didnā€™t beg or plead, just dk where to go from here. Oh yea at the beginning he did say we were over, but continued to talk after that.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      that’s good..you handled it well

    3. Nicole Jay

      February 1, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      So when would be the right time? DO I restart 30 days??? This is where Chris’s plan gets foggy. Even in his book!! Help needed!!!! Its been 12 days today…after the failed horribly failed attempt at NC.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      well nc is not a cure for all situations..The basic rule is, after nc you initiate contact. If he doesn’t reply, wait a week before trying again. If he doesn’t reply again, wait two weeks. If he still doesn’t reply that means you have to move on..

    5. Nicole Jay

      January 20, 2017 at 12:30 am

      No, this isn’t the first time I’ve used NC. But it’s the first time I haven’t been successful!! Also, I’m not sure the bracelet he wore was mine, he alsor has an identical one. Guess it don’t matter since it looks the same.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2017 at 2:32 pm

      if it didn’t work, and you want him back, then that it means now is not the right time to try..

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Nicole,

      was this the first time you used nc?

  6. mt

    January 16, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    I was dating a man for three months. We were exclusive and in the last month and a half of the relationship we had been spending 3-4 days a week together. I had a birthday during he last month of the relationship and he barely acknowledged it. He did not ask me to dinner or buy flowers or a gift. I let it slide as it was very close to Christmas and his mother was visiting from out of town. Then for Christmas, he knew I had bought him a small gift for him and his son. While I didn’t expect one in return, I was hoping that I mattered enough for him to buy some type of gift for me. He didn’t. We both have children and had obligations at Christmas and only saw each other briefly on Christmas Eve. Throughout the next week after Christmas, we had seen each other a couple of nights. I was at his house and spent the night and everything was fine. Then I asked him to go to a birthday party with me. I knew he was working that day and may not be home in time, but said I would like him to go if he could. I didn’t hear from him for the next two days, nor did he call to say he couldn’t make the party. At this point I was feeling like I didn’t matter that much to him so I sent a long cringe worthy drunk text and said that I really liked him and we had a lot of fun together and that I might be in love with him, but I didn’t think we were on the same page. He never replied or responded to the text. A few days later i went to his house to pick up my things and we had a conversation and I apologized for the drunk text and said that after my 25 year marriage ended I had a lot of expectations from a relationship that maybe weren’t realistic at this point and that I was trying to just let things evolve naturally, but was having a hard time learning how to do that. He seemed fine and said I didn’t need to take my things. A few days later I texted him and said I missed him and could we have dinner. I wanted things to go back to normal. I felt I had been way too emotional over the holidays and expected a lot. He did not return my text. A few days later I told him to tell me when would be a good time to pick up my things. He did not respond. Two days later I went to pick up my things and we had another pretty good talk. I wasn’t sure if he would call me again, but I felt ok with it. Then the next day he commented on a Facebook post of mine and we started texting. I asked him if he was going to ask me over for a drink and he said to come on over. We had a great time and again I spent the night. He loaned my something that we had been talking about and I haven’t heard from him since. I will not contact him again, but I’m curious what thoughts you have about his behavior. Was it so taboo of me to tell him I might be in love with him that he didn’t want to invest anymore in the relationship even though we had become so close? and that I had apologized and he knows I’m trying to navigate my way through dating and relationships since my divorce two years ago? I realize he may be busy, but he hasn’t even sent a text just to say hello.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      Hi MT,

      Honestly, I dont think he feels the same way as you do.. but if you want,.you can still do the nc rule, and slowly rebuild rapport and attraction after..

  7. Peppermint

    January 16, 2017 at 1:11 am

    i was with my ex for 2 months and he broke up with me because i ignored him for a day. So the next day he decided to ignore me, and when I spammed his text to apologize, he threatened to block me. When I insisted to meet him to get back something from him, he did not want to at first but when he did, he literally glared at me and pushed me away. After 22 days of NC, I messaged him to apologize and suggested to be friends since we had great times. He just replied ‘ok’. After which I continued to text him and asked him how has he been? He did not reply after that. I think I am his rebound and somehow he has gotten over me. He was with a girl for 2 years before that and he did beg her to get back together. I got together with him about 2 months after he broke up. I can’t function at work or at home and I am gloomy all the time. We have a common friend who isnt aware that we were together. She suggested to meet up this week in which he decided to call 5 more other friends together. I reckon he does not really want to be in an awkward situation with me. Help, what should I do? How can a guy be so cold and heartless?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      Hi Peppermint,
      how much did you change and improve during the no contact rule? Check this one too:
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

  8. Gigi

    January 15, 2017 at 4:53 am

    I finished my 30th Day of NC and at nigh I send (thru Snapchat)him a meme of a story he told me when we first met …we had a not official relationship for about 4 months but he used to talk to me about living together,getting married and even have children ..but,after and argument I told him it was over ..he didn’t reply and he didn’t contact me at all during NC..so yesterday I was very hopeful he would indeed reply…he didn’t ..and instead of stop sending messages and wait for a week oh no..as this girl was drinking she thought the best way was to send other message asking him if we were still mad at each other and that he know i liked him and I still care about him but if he didn’t want to talked to me I would understand …he did read it and even saved it but didn’t reply..I feel like a fool .

    1. Gigi

      January 23, 2017 at 8:15 pm

      Hi amor,thank you so much for your advice …yesterday I decided to send him a message again thru Snapchat and I told him that it was clearly we were still “fighting” that I didn’t knew why he was so upset with me ..that we should let go all those negative feelings we have for each other and just let it go…that if he wants to talk about it,he should let me know,that I still care about him,and he was still someone important in my life but I’m over that petty game he’s playing right now. He did the same thing ..he read it and saved it..didn’t reply so yeah…I find this behavior so childish and I don’t want to be dragged into his drama …cause I know he did this with her ex with whom he was engaged,after they broke up they never speak or see each other again,the only difference is he blocked her from all social media,and he hasn’t done that with me…but I don’t know if it’s just because he wants to make me feel bad ..like one of his snap stories was a picture with a glass of wine(he never drinks,the first time he drank wine was with me) and what’s worst..the wine glass was a gift from me !! I didn’t opened it cause I was afraid he was with someone else ..using my wine glasses lol …but those are the kind of snap stories he’s being uploading lately snaps showing gifts I gave him..I don’t get it …I just found everything so childish and petty …

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:24 pm

      that’s still a good sign because if he really doesn’t care anymore, then why bother making you pissed? I think you’re only choice is to continue the no contact period and continue being active.

    3. Gigi

      January 22, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      Hello amor,

      It was drake’s “fake love ” I really don’t know what to do or say ..if i send him a message thru snap he will not reply ..and then if i stop he will send me a Snapchat (it can be a picture or a video) but no conversation …he saves everything I send to him and watch my Snapchat story .. I don’t get what’s going on in his mind .

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 3:26 pm

      just dont react to it negatively because if that’s what he wants then dont give it..

    5. Gigi

      January 19, 2017 at 4:59 pm

      Hello amor,

      Well,after 2 days he reply..he ignored completely my message and he just send one snap of my snap story saying My hair looked nice …I didn’t opened it until today and yesterday he send me other snap of him singing a song that I found really passive aggressive …so I don’t know if he still mad ( I don’t know why he got mad in the first place,he was the one who become distant) what should I do?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2017 at 12:07 pm

      why is the song passive aggressive? what was it?

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      hi Gigi

      that’s ok.. just start the week of silence now..act like you’re moving on through your posts

  9. Julia

    January 8, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    Hi,
    I did 30 days no contact and after the 30 days sent him a birthday card, durning a argument id told him I’d delete his number as was sick of making a idiot of myself when it comes to him so didn’t feel I could text him ( I never deleted his number ) he text very late at night to thank me for the card and said he hoped I’d had a good xmas and new year, he also went a liked a status on my fb I’d put on a few days after we had split up, it was a joke about his sports team loosing, he obviously took it in tongue and cheek as attended. The strange thing about that was he never had a fb while we were together so he’s set it up while we were apart, obviously we are friends on it but my profile is open. I was asleep while he text so didn’t receive it until the next day or the fb notification. I didn’t reply but waited two days and text him I was thinking about him as it was an anniversary of a friends death, again he thanked me, he mentioned the fb thing, we had a few jokes about it and I fell asleep i, I replied to his message the next day, his reply was a bit ” off ” so I just left it, I text the next day as his sports team were playing my home cities so just made chat about that, he is replying but I’d say in a unemotional way and standoffish which puts me off responding as don’t want to get on his nerves or have a argument, today’s text I sent in response to his last one yesterday only got a one word reply. I don’t know how to make play it from now? I feel if I ignore him after all this time of he doesn’t respond to me I can’t really say anything but I’m guessing he doesn’t want to talk anyway due to the one word responses. When we have fell out for a few weeks in the past he always keeps the text chatty to get back into contact and conversation but doesn’t seem to be interested this time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 11:06 pm

      Hi Julia,

      rest for a week before trying again

  10. Diane

    January 7, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    It’s been 3 months since I told my ex not-bf that I was about to block his number until I forgot I even had it, and immediately did so without giving him time to respond. That was mid-October, we were seeing each other long distance and he had almost complete control over when we could see each other. We had just spent a day and night together a week before. We live a five hour drive from each other and in the year and a half since we’d met on an online dating site, the kind you pay for, we’d been to each other’s homes, met each other’s friends, and hung out with his small kids. November was our birthdays (a day apart), and New Year was the one year anniversary of a hangout with us and his friends gone bad-someone died in a traffic accident. I was asking him for time on Halloween, and was making a point of an on/off pattern we had developed which had me pining for him so hard that he could snap his fingers and I’d make the drive to him, but could never get him to do the same, or commit in the slightest to me. I was starting to see very clearly that I was being taken for granted, to put it nicely. Being used, to put it bluntly. We had recently, within a week before our last rendezvous, discussed putting a stop to the casual aspect of our relationship and he wholeheartedly agreed that we should be friends without benefits and if we got intimate it would not be casual. When I reminded him of this after our date, and there were benefits on that date, he said it would be “too stressful” even long distance. Never mind in the year and half we’d been seeing each other I finished a graduate degree. Never mind that he’s the one that can’t keep his hands to himself. And everything he ever said was suspect as tool to keep me available to him at the drop of a hat without being exclusive… I hit that block button so fast my head spun and I hope his did too. Despite all that, and that I’ve met a great guy who is excited to be exclusive, I just had an epic mid-morning cry over the one who Just won’t be caught. It happens more than I want to admit. I’m working on getting a horse (lifelong dream), and sometimes can change my thinking to that when I’m wallowing in all those memories of him. We had some very good times and I hung on as long as I did because he’s awesome to be around and talk to and the intimacy, physical and mental, was uncommonly synced. Every 5 minutes I switch back and forth between loss and bashing. And guilt. I want that connection with the man I got now. Logically I know he’s a catch and had I not fallen in love with the first one would be head over heels for this one, but I’m just not. I don’t plan to unblock or contact (don’t even use Facebook) him until I’ve forgotten I have his number, that way he can’t bait me back in and break my resolve or ruin my effort to move on with my life… I’m afraid if all I do is unblock him without letting him know I’ll feel worse not getting a random call or text from him, and succumb to reaching out myself in an angry or pathetic way, especially while I’m giving myself a chance with someone new. But I’m so tempted.

    1. Diane

      January 9, 2017 at 1:56 am

      Thank you Amor. I just read the piece Chis wrote on the ungettable girl. I have a comment and a question. First, assuming the basic qualities and scale can be turned around on men, I suppose he was an ungettable guy on first impression and held on to that image far after the reality became visible. No where in Chris’ description does it say “be insincere”. Even the raincheck story he believes was sincere. There has to be a difference between ungettable and loaded with hubris. But you’re right, he’s something I never really had and by the time I realized fully how much of an upper hand he had, I was so invested I just made it worse. The question is, that same article doesn’t discuss these standards you speak of which would help me see he’s not worth it. Could you say more about that? I feel like two people, one who dodged a bullet and another that feels he was worth taking one for.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      I believe you’re a good person, so, I think if you became the ungettable girl and came more in tune with your self worth,.you would understand that what he did is not what you’re going to do to somebody else.. yes, there’s the thing of being not always available but that doesn’t mean you would take another person for granted..and it can help you realize what qualities he had that you connected with, and then you will know what to look for in other men

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Diane,

      You’re so hooked to the previous guy because he’s someone you never really had. We want what we dont have. He’s the ungettable guy.. So, right now, if you want the chance of moving on, have the standards of an ungettable girl because that way you would see more clearly that he was not worth it, especially with how much you chased him

  11. SM

    December 29, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    About 26 days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We was really busy with work and school and I resented him not having time to be with me in my friends and family stuff and he did have time for his.
    The final drop was a week before his birthday were I mentioned next year I wanted to travel with my family for my birthday. Really calm I explained over the phone I understood his needs, but u also wanted to travel with him that I wanted more.

    Next day he sent a text saying he knew we wasnā€™t giving his 100% and was thinking why and about me. That Friday we met up to talk. As always I ended up apologizing for my fears over what happened in my past relationships but that despite any doubt I chose him.
    I also asked him why he loved me and I donā€™t know why I just answered that liking someone is not loving them.
    He just cried and cried and didnā€™t say another word until he said he was so sorry because he couldnā€™t chose me over his doubt. He just repeated he couldnā€™t because I ā€˜changed a lotā€™, meaning my attitudes changed easily or something like that.
    That was it I just consoled him and told him everything was ok and that he couldnā€™t force something he didnā€™t felt and left. I mean we didnā€™t talk about this prior to that conversation. Weā€™ve talked about other insecurities such as me being in another relationship when this started, but never about this.

    Two days later he sent an email just thanking a lot for what we lived and said that it was due to the mistakes we both made and we should just remember what was good.
    I was heartbroken, so I didnā€™t answer.
    And did I mention he sent this by text, to my personal and work emails.

    A couple of days later was his birthday I had already planned for a big ballon and candy to get to his office and I didnā€™t cancel them. I also got him a concert ticket which I planned with his best friend.
    He called me that day to thank me . I was so nervous I only congratulated him and blurted out they were preordered. Then sent a text congratulating him. and he was really thankful again for ā€˜everythingā€™ not just the ballon and he mentioned it was great because no one knew it was his birthday.
    I could only answer ā€˜I am gladā€™.
    Then his bf contacted me to confirm if I wanted to tell him about the concert tickets and I just politely declined.

    We didnā€™t talk for days. Until Christmas came and I felt devastated because he didnā€™t even sent a text. I waited until the 25 and sent him a ā€˜merry Christmas, blessings, achieve all
    Your goalsā€™ type of message.
    He replied practically the same only adding ā€˜thanks for your message.

    I felt awful!!! We dated almost 2 years and have known each other for three. I felt like it meant nothing to him.
    I know when e first kissed I had a boyfriend but I left him almost right aways because I wasnā€™t happy anymore.

    I obviously felt awful and went ahead and sent him an emailā€¦ what was supposed to be a ā€˜clean slateā€™ email.

    I indicated I understood why he could feel confused and had doubt, that I tried to do the best for both. That it was normal to be afraid and have doubts. I explained how I loved that he included me in almost all important things in his life but also explained how I also waned to share more special events of my life with him. I thanked him for everything also and mentioned that I had no hard feelings because with him I always managed to feel like home.
    I ended it with a ā€˜I which we could be strangers again. But I know this words change nothing. I hope you are well I have faith you areā€™.
    I sent this three days ago and still havenā€™t gotten a response.

    I have been going back and forward tying to forget him. But in reality I know I loved him because for the first time in my life, beside him, I no longer felt I needed to be in the relationship out of neediness. I really felt I no longer needed a guy to fill any voids because it was my own responsibility.

    I felt sad and confused, yes. Because every time we talked about him having more time for me he felt pressured and didnā€™t know how to do it. He is doing his masters and it is really time consuming and like 5 months ago he changed work and really wants to thrive. I have similar goals so I always understood.
    But well, anywayā€¦ he hasnā€™t answered I donā€™t know if I should even bother sending a New Years text. Since obviously he wonā€™t. I really feel Iā€™ve lost him for good. šŸ™
    I know I donā€™t want the same relationship back. I only wanted him to treat me as a priority more and try and give me more time.

    He hasn’t responded the email or contacted me further.
    I’ve posted pictures smiling in social media, going out with friends, I’ve really improved myself, I even lost tons of weight. However, I’ve also posted ‘motivational’ stuff like ‘don’t let fear win over faith’ bla bla.

    I’ve been really focusing on myself. I’ve tried to stop thinking about him. But each night I find myself waking up around 3 am thinking about him and feeling terrible.
    I don’t think the no contact helped. What should I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      Hi SM,

      Is your relationship on and off? if yes, how many times have you broke up and for what reasons?

  12. Kris

    December 22, 2016 at 5:51 am

    My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested (but still reply me) I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! Or he is just playing the game or i misunderstood him again? I used to misunderstood him lots ! Like when he said let’s meet more often I was really unconscious he actuall;y expect me to say: lets improve it and meet more ofteh, but i didnt . but now I know what was wrong but he seems not going to get me back šŸ™

    And we haven’t met for almost a month and we broke up for a 2 weeks but we just sent te last msg at December 19 today is 22 We did sent some msg during the 2 weeks but we did date for for a month and during one month he was struggling and thight about should we broke up and he didn’t tell me before although he was trying to make effort to improve it, but I didnt realise it Anxious now !

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      Hi,

      even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

  13. Lisa

    December 21, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Hey!! Today is day 30 of Nc rule. I’m slightly freaking out because he hasn’t reached out at all during NC. We broke up because I cheated. After we broke up though, we still talked st first. Then he blew up on my and told me he needed space and time. He just graduated college, moved in with his dad, & is now job hunting. I fee like he has so much on his mind, but am dying to reach out. Should I wait or is him not reaching out a good sign he’s moving on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 24, 2016 at 7:58 am

      hi Lisa,

      accept the fact that he is moving on.. it is better if he had forgiven you and moved on, than to try to continue the previous relationship and be reminded of past mistakes.. he has to see that you have moved on and improved too.. you can initiate contact if you want

  14. RL

    December 20, 2016 at 2:31 pm

    Hi – – So, i followed the advice of no contact and did not contact my ex for about 42 days. I finally did on the 43rd which was his birthday and he responded but a little distant.. He dropped by my house a week after and we talked very briefly he was a flirty and touchy, said ill come with you to church for Christmas, while i kept my cool. The next day i initiated a convo.. very casual seeing how’s work, last movie he watched etc… but he was very distant and standoffish. so i said… don’t put up a brick wall, just be open, let ppl in and he responded .. “we are better off this way”. Im confused because saturday he is flirty and sunday he is pushing me away. Im uncertain what to do… do i leave him alone and move on or … what?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      HI Rl,

      why did you break up? And how much did you improve during and after nc? I think he missed you but then realized, he doesn’t want to lead you on.

  15. May

    December 17, 2016 at 8:02 am

    Hi,
    I i broke the NC rule at day 14. It is hard to do it during the holiday session. I send him a random moment msg and wish him a good day. He reply with wishing me a good day also. The msg is very neutral but it is not like him to send such a msg. It feel like he is keeping his distance. Should i start the 30 days again? I just received some good news about my job and i would like to share it with him but i have some doubts if i should do it. I have taken up some new activities and working on self-love and self control to get my own life back. What is your advice? restart the 30 days or try another neutral text to see if he is ready to talk even as friends? It is going to be hard not to msg with Christmas and the new year around the corner.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      Hi May,

      how long was the relationship? And yes, you were emotionally ready to text him at day 14, but how much did you really change? Realistically, he wouldn’t think you changed just after two weeks. You were less emotional, that’s it. But that doesn’t mean you’ve really changed..

  16. Dionne

    December 4, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    Sorry, I misspelled my email address in my initial post. I made a bunch of wrong moves during my short 3-month relationship. We had deep, mature conversations about ourselves and bonded right away. Since we both expressed our fears and feelings freely, I assumed it was ok to let him know that I NEEDED him to call me everyday, to help me with trust issues. I know, I know smh. We considered living together and I went into panic mode to get things in order… bought a bigger bed, cleared out the closet, etc. Then I started pressing him to make a decision on the move-in date. I wanted him to feel a part of and welcome, so I tried to involve him in everything. NOT a good idea. Anyway, it started going down hill when he started school. His schedule was 5:00 am to 9pm work and school M-F, then Saturday 8-12. I TOTALLY get it, he’s super busy, but I still had my insecurities. He told me in the very beginning to be patient with him and that school is his top priority. The only things in his life were his kids and he was trying to incorporate me into his life as well. He texted me all the time, but wouldn’t call. The more I complained, the more adamant he was about not calling. I broke up with him 3 times, only to turn around and send an email or call back within a day or two. Things started fading faster. No more emails (I was too afraid that he wouldn’t respond, because he claimed he was afraid to read mine because of what I might say). We saw each other every other week, and once I totally went off and accused him of only wanting sex. REALLY showed my behind (so embarassing). He even stopped spending the night or had to leave first thing in the morning. Still texting those superficial texts all DAY long during work, telling me how things are going. Asking how I am doing, etc. but not after work/school. Only a final good night and good morning everyday. I made him confess that he did not love me and to be true to himself, because if he loved me, he would want to see me and that he was just stringing me along. He even admitted that he wanted it his way and that he is being selfish. When I decided to seriously do NC, I told him I did not want a text buddy and to stop contacting me. Eeek! Surprisingly, I did well until he sent me a hangout msg “reaching out to you to see how you’re doing” I didn’t see the msg for a day, so I responded about 1-1/2 days later (some other blogs say to just be short and cordial). My response. “I’m doing GREAT!!! Getting ready for the holidays, Happy Thangsgiving!” He replied. “Good to hear that. Happy for you. Thanks for replying” Urgh! Then, I sent a Happy Thanksgiving group text. He did not respond. He seemed to be a great guy until I started getting clingy. He’s never raised his voice nor disrespected me, always bringing me little things when he came to visit. I’ve started therapy for other reasons and taking career classes myself since NC. Other thing, he gets irate when talking about his son’s mom (ex for 3 years) and used to send me their text conversations. I think he may still have feelings for her. I still care about him a lot, but am I fighting a losing battle? If there is still hope, do I have to continue NC for another 30 days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 9:15 am

      Hi Dionne,

      with ours, we really dont suggest answering texts unless it’s an emergency.. If you want, restart the count.. Focus in improving yourself and having your own life, so that it can help influence his thinking that you’re not clingy anymore.. So, you have to be active in posting in social media..

  17. Trying to Do Me

    December 4, 2016 at 6:44 am

    Hi, I’m enjoying your articles. Well, I made all the wrong moves during my short 3-month relationship. It all started out cool, we had very deep conversations and bonded right away. Since we both expressed our fears and feelings freely, I assumed it was ok to let him know that I NEEDED him to call me everyday, to help me with trust issues. I know, I know smh. We were both moving way too fast, considering moving in together. Then, when he said we may need to do it sooner, I immediately went into panic mode of having to get things in order… bought a bigger bed, cleared out the closet. I wanted him to feel a part of and welcome, so I tried to involve him in everything. NOT a good idea. Anyway, it all started going down hill when he back to school. His schedule was 5:00 am to 9pm work and school M-F, then Saturday 8-12. I TOTALLY get it, he’s super busy, but I still had my insecurities. He texted me all the time, but wouldn’t call. The more I complained, the more adamant he was about not calling. I broke up with him 3 times, only to turn around and send an email or call back within a day or two. Stopped talking for a day a few times. Gradually, things started fading. No more emails (I was afraid that he wouldn’t respond, because he claimed he was afraid to read mine because of what I might say). When we did see each other, it was sex. He even stopped spending the night or had to leave first thing in the morning. Still texting those superficial texts all DAY long, but not after work/school. Only a final good night and good morning everyday, just about. I told him I did not want a text buddy and to stop contacting me.

    1. Trying to Do Me

      December 4, 2016 at 6:49 am

      Sorry for the long message. Question: Am I fighting a losing battle? I went NC after telling him not to contact me, and he sent a message 2 weeks later asking how I was doing. I replied “I’m doing GREAT!!! Happy Thanksgiving!” He replied “Good to hear that. Happy for you. Thanks for replying” Urgh! If there is still hope, do I have to start NC all over again? It’s been 1 week since that text and 30 days since my first day. Thanks!!!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 9:16 am

      Hi Dionne,

      with ours, we really dont suggest answering texts unless it’s an emergency.. If you want, restart the count.. Focus in improving yourself and having your own life, so that it can help influence his thinking that you’re not clingy anymore.. So, you have to be active in posting in social media..

  18. Lou

    December 2, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    Hey amor. I’ve posted on this site a few times but can’t find my posts anywhere? I’m not sure if you’ve responded and I can’t see it? I was with someone for 5 years. We met through work when he was 23 and I was 38. I never thought I’d be in a relationship with someone so much younger but he kept perusing it after a few dates and as our families accepted it then I came around to the idea. So we were very fast at falling in love and after 6 weeks we told each other. He pretty much stayed at mine every night and within 7 months we went on holiday to Cuba for 2 weeks. 18 months in I was pregnant and he was so excited but I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. He was devastated. He left after 2 years saying we were going in different directions and liked different things. Within 2 weeks he was texting and offering to come and do things around the house for me and making excuses to see me. We got back together and this pattern continued another 3 times in our 5 years. Every time he left he was back within 2-4 weeks and begging, saying its me he wants but he was depressed and wanted to sort his head out. Last break up was May 2016 and again, he came back begging and telling me he wanted to spend his life with me. We argued one night and as I was leaving he told me he’d planned to propose in October when we were going away. He wanted us to have a family together. ( I’m now 43 and he’s 28). He looks older than me and acts very old in his ways. So in August he went away on his annual canoe trip to France with 80 people from his club for 2 weeks. He text every night to tell me he loves me and misses me and was looking forward to going away together in October. He asked to spend the weekend together when he got home and asked if we could go out with my cousin the following weekend. The final Tuesday of the 2 week trip he text at 01:30 saying he couldn’t sleep and missed me. The Wednesday night he didn’t text and on the Thursday night he said he was traveling home and we should talk when he gets back. He came home to his own house and took off on his motorbike for 5 days saying he needed to find himself. When he finally came to see me he said he’d relished one night on holiday that we were going on different directions and don’t like the same things and he wanted to spend more time doing old hobbies he used to do years ago. He’s never said he doesn’t love me before but this time he said he only loves me like a friend and still finds me very attractive but we need to end it for good. He denied meeting anyone and got upset and left. I found out through a mutual friend a few days later that he’d met someone from the canoe club that Wednesday night in France. She is also 43 but Hong through divorce and had 3 children, 11 year old twin boys and a 6 year old daughter. He is now still with her 3 and a half months down the line. I Did 30 days nc and then sent a message saying I’d be going somewhere he does voluntary work and wanted to give him a heads up incase he was there. He replied straight away saying he wasn’t there that day and I’d love the changes that have been made and hopes I have a good day. He asked how I wax and how my family is. I replied and we had a few texts back and forth and I stopped texting then. 2 weeks later I sent a happy memory text and he didn’t reply. 3 weeks after that he sent a message wishing me a happy birthday in 3 days time and said he was texting early as he didn’t know if I’d be going away. I replied saying thank you and that o won’t be away and we had 2 or 3 texts back an forth and then I said it would be good to meet for s coffe as friends when he is ready. No reply to that. I saw his grandparents on a shop and his mother called his grandad when I was there. She asked to talk to me and said she missed me and wanted to call in for a catch up. I text him to say is spoken to her and wondered if he wanted to catch up sometime but no reply. That was about 3 weeks ago. Last weekend his father posted a picture on Facebook of the family out for a birthday walk. She was there with them and he had his arm around her. Just 3 months after me being there, someone else is in my shoes so quickly, and after talking about engagement with me!! He still haft transferred a financial thing back into my name so he gets an email every month that is addressed to me but to his account. Is this a gigs??? If so, how long do they tend to last and also, the fact she had kids will surely make it complicated? Is there hope of getting back or not? Thank you for reading such a long message and I apologize if you’ve replied somewhere else, I can’t find it! Thank you amor. Xxx

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2016 at 7:59 pm

      Hi Lou,

      Yes, I did! šŸ™‚ I’m just going to copy my answer there ok?
      Hi Loulou,

      If itā€™s gigs, itā€™s less likely that it will end fast because if itā€™s gigs, that means he sees the other woman better. And I think 30 days was not enough. Yes, it has been 3 months, but there was no restart.. with your recent effort, it looked like you were chasing him. Another nc of 30 or 45 days is not a guarantee and the more you do it, the less the effect. Also, if youā€™re going to do it, you really have to look like youā€™ve accepted and that youā€™re moving on for a restart. With all the back and forth, it looks it would be better to do a longer than usual nc too.

  19. Samantha

    November 20, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    My ex and I lived together for 6 months. A week after we broke up, I found a place and moved out of his place. Both of us went dead silent. I still loved him but the fact that he did nothing to stop me from leaving made me feel so unloved that I gave up on the idea of getting him back (although I would constantly think about it).

    He texted me after 40 days of complete silence from both of us, with a generic “hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing, hope everything’s ok” text. I got excited and texted back like an hour later. I didn’t want to sound too excited so I replied with a generic “everything’s ok, hope you’re doing great, your dog looks lovely in that pic”. He never replied back.

    It’s been 40 days since that last message, so 80 in total since our breakup. We haven’t had any contact other than those two brief messages (mine being ignored). I’m wondering if I still have any chance of getting him back. He seems to be moving on fine… he never posts any pic on fb but all his friends tag him on the pics of what they do. I, on the other hand, don’t have many friends, and I avoid posting too many photos of when I go out because it’s never been what I do and if I start doing so now, it’ll be very obvious that I’m doing it for him to see.

    Do I have any chance of getting back together with him? At this point I feel he doesn’t even think about me and he might be starting a new relationship (I’m not sure but there’s a new girl in one of the pics he was tagged in). He never was the type of playing games, so I’m also pretty sure that even if I devise the most brilliant message to make him intrigued, he would ignore it… is there anything I can do to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2016 at 9:41 pm

      Hi Samantha,

      why did you break up? It wont seem like you’re having fun because of him because it’s already been two months since the breakup.. It’s normal that you would start moving on.. Improve yourself first. Make new friends by doing new things like volunteering.. So that when you initiate, it would like you’ve moved on and just being friendly

  20. Pinki

    November 15, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Hi.. We both are 26..we were in relation for 8months but we didnt commit because we knew that our families wont agree..we were together because we liked spending time with each other..we both used to be there for each other 24*7..even at midnight,he used to be there to fulfill every wish of mine and so was i..he is my senior and he is done with his studies whereas my two years are remaining..so, we knew that he will get married first..i always used to say him that when u ll give me the news of ur marriage, i will be glad for spending this many months with u,but i have a request..do not leave me in a single moment.. We ll apart slowly by slowly..and i will need your support for that..then this day came!! Two months back he told me that his parents have started searching a gal for him..so its the time to part ways..i agreed ! But now the problem is, he has moved on,atleast he is showing that he has moved on,in a single day..from no calling baby,no gm gn wishes,no late nyt chats,he didnt give me a present on my bday..i feel hurt to see that he didnt look back a single time after that..he calls me once in 10-12 days but always talks about studies and hungs up..i too dont want him back because im aware that it would be temporary..i m not able to explain how i am feeling..but all i wish is that he should not forget me like this.

    1. Pinki

      November 19, 2016 at 1:57 pm

      I know very much about no contact rule..infact i had got my ex back with no contact rule some 5 yrs back..but in this case,will the no contact rule help?? He has planned to get married..

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2016 at 1:22 pm

      There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but I think it would be better if you do that because other than that, your other options are move on or chase him.. But of course, dont ever chase

    3. Pinki

      November 17, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      Thanks for your reply. I wanted to share my feelings and ask for a solution if u can help. I was knowing this day would come,so when everything was cool between us,i used to tell him that he can leave whenever he wish,i will understand and will be glad for the moments that we got to spent BUT only request to u is that do not leave me in a single moment,do try to be with me during that time too,i lf i will feel that u are still there for me then it wont be painful for me and i will certainly understand that i shud soon move on..but this didnt happen! He imposed his decision over me that its time to part ways and he left,he didnt care if i was ready or not,if not,then he didnt help me to get ready,he simply told me that lets get separated,if he would have hugged me that time and would have said,it would have indicated that he cares.. I know its his wish to do that and he has freedom to do of his choice..but it hurted me.. I agreed at first but after 12 days, i started feeling very lonely, i cant sit alone at night,it hurts me a lot..so i called him up and spoke up everything and broke down..he replied that i should understand asap..then like this i cried thrice more in front of him..everytime the same reply.. He told to move on..dont talk about past..concentrate on studies.. Now wheneve he calls,he talks about my studies and hungs up.. Things are so difficult..few days back i was his life, in coming few days, i will be his nothing else but one of the juniors.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 19, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      Well, do you want to try doing the no contact rule? What’s your understanding of it?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Pinki,

      Honestly I don’t know what to say. Because if you know you’re not getting back together, then it would be better to go through all of this as fast as you can, instead of enduring the pain slowly.

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