Here's What To Do If Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact

187 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”

Umama

May 13, 2020 at 3:17 pm

Hey, so i really really need your help. I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 6 months and the last two months, we’ve been doing long distance because of quarantine. he suddenly started ignoring me a lot during the past month and we really started becoming distant. we quarreled multiples of times on the topic of who’s ignoring who and his excuse was usually that he just didn’t like texting. (he didn’t even call me anyways) and i used to forgive him, this happened about 5 times. and then i started seeing as if he had started loosing his interest in me. all he ever showed interest in was sexual stuff and that’s it. Sometimes i really felt as if he wanted me to break up with him but he wanted me to do it so that he could blame me for it, and so i couldnt keep it in anymore. everyone told me that he was becoming really toxic and all, and so i broke up with him last week. i was a mess after that and surprisingly, he wasn’t. i don’t think he even cried once. he told me to stay friends with him to which i agreed but it kept getting harder for me to keep seeing his snaps and him on social media. and even in school meetings online. thus, i thought about applying the no contact rule.just to make it clear, i still love him and i want him back. i forgave him knowing how he used me but i still keep missing him. Its hardly been one whole day, i removed him from my insta and blocked him on snap. but he just texted me saying how hes sorry that our streaks were broken and wants me to add him back. I’m really tempted to tell him that “i need space” so that he wont text me now, but should i really do it? how do i go about it? is it necessary to respond to him now? he keeps on texting saying my name. should i open the message and leave him on seen? or should i completely ignore? or should i just tell him to give me space? keeping in mind i want him to love me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 2:41 pm

Hey Umama, yes definitely allow some time and space. Complete a No Contact period and then when you have done the 30 days use a text that Chris suggests in his articles. The important thing when an ex asks for space is you allow them that. It shows you are respectful and not sitting there waiting for them, you use social media or mutual friends to show how you are doing well even though you are broken up

Shel

May 10, 2020 at 6:45 pm

Hello,
My ex split with me, a week later we ended up in a heated argument resulting in being blocked by my ex on most platforms. Aiming for the 45 days NC and on day 37 he has sent an email saying hope you are good and could I post his items to him. He knows I don’t really have anything of his and definitely nothing he actually would want / needs – a towel for example.

Do I break NC when it seems like an excuse to contact? Maybe he’s testing the waters if I have calmed down or wants closure but it is not a positive reach out text so do I reply? Or wait a bit longer with NC or do the full 45?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 2:07 pm

HI Shel as he has asked for things back, I would reply asking what is is he wants sent back. Provide a list of things you know are his and then ask for his forwarding address. Then add another 10 days to your NC before reaching out with a text that you planned at the end of your NC

Kayla.Louise

April 20, 2020 at 8:46 pm

Hi there;
After multiple phone calls and many text messages from him, my ex showed up at my front door on day 20 (as of apr/20 I’m on my 21st day of full NC since we broke up less than a month ago). I didn’t went out to meet him, my sister told him politely that ‘she was sorry, but there was little to no response on my part’, so he left, but kept calling me as well as texting my closest friends to play the victim -.-
You think I should’ve talked to him?? should I just finish the 30 days, or contact him ASAP?
Regards, and thanks for your repense in advance
– Kay

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 24, 2020 at 9:01 pm

Hey Kayla, so unless your ex reaching out to you telling you, that you want to get back together then I would stick to NC for now. You mention he plays the victim, this is common in break ups where they feel they need to be the victim in the break up so that they are not guilty for the break up

Shae

April 15, 2020 at 5:33 pm

So me and my ex were together for almost 4 years. He broke up with me because he said he isn’t ready for a committed relationship, he said I should find someone who can give me what I deserve, I asked if he loves me he said yes but he has to do whats best for us both, I started no contact then broke it trying to ask him to try again, he said we should just be friends. I don’t want to just be friends with him, I sent him a heart felt message and he said he would answer when he’s ready and he still hasn’t replied days after. I told him to just say bye since he doesn’t want me and he refuses to say bye. I asked him to unblock me from Twitter so I can check in to see how he is doing and he said he would but he hasn’t. I don’t know what to think. I really love him and want him back. He text me good morning today and I decided to ignore him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 23, 2020 at 5:33 pm

Hi Shae, I would suggest that you complete a full NC without replying to him at all when he does reach out. Also you telling him to unblock you, sending heart felt messages are not going help you in this situation, you need to make him feel that you are done and moving on with your life as the way you left things he knew he could have you back when he wanted

Saurav

April 11, 2020 at 5:47 pm

Hi, I’m really confused – should I or should I not, apply No contact rule in my situation.

We argued over messenger. I was bit needy and was expecting sometime of her, but latter things didn’t went well and conversation ends on getting apart(my mistake). Though we didnt had any harsh or hurting conversations and I thought next day it will get sorted. Whole day we didnt spoke to each other.
I felt to initiate talk again and I apologized for my mistake by calling her and said sorry. But she was so serious that she don’t want me any more. Things went beyond reach that I begged …to give me a chance …I will change …but she was determined and rejected all my apologies and said she will never have a feeling for me but can remain as friend. (There were many other things that she said 🙂 )

I personally feel and agree that we both share strong bond beyond friendship. We know each other from last 6 years and in a very very good love relationship from last 8 months.

I stopped interacting with her to give her space and respect what she wants and decided. After break up, for two days or so…I started talking to her as a friend but that wasn’t me and our formal conversations made me more restless but I didnt said a word to create any sort of argument.

Then I decided not to contact her, but she still text or calls me every day and I’m trying my best to ignore her.
I dont know what does she wants from me – to express my feelings so as to comeback Or she’s just testing me.
Should I talk to her what she exactly want and clear things or stop all contact with her.

Finally, I love her and don’t want to lose her in any way.

Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 10:52 pm

Hi Saurav, yes you need to apply a 30 day NC minimum, unless she messages you to say she wants to get back together keep ignoring her

kate

April 8, 2020 at 1:19 am

Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. At the time he was pretty wishy-washy about it, even said he’s only 51:49% sure this is what he wants to do and asked if he could call me in a week.
We were together for about 6 mo, and don’t live close, so were mostly apart during the week and together for a day on the weekends. We talked every night.
We talked a week later and then have had intermittent exchanges since then. It’s very limbo land. We haven’t seen each other in person. I do want a chance at this relationship. I have my concerns about it as well but I think it’s worth a shot of both giving it an all in go. He is somewhat of an avoidant.
I want to initiate the no contact rule. We’ve had no contact for 3 days so far. Do I tell him that I’m initiating this? I’m afraid he will worry about me if I all of a sudden I don’t respond. I know that’s partly the goal, but it will be very out of character for me to not respond and I don’t want him to worry. He’s not on social media and we don’t have mutual friends who could tell him that I’m fine. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 13, 2020 at 3:22 pm

Hi Kate, no you do not tell your ex that you are doing a No Contact you just vanish on them so they wonder why you stopped talking to them, and if they reach out you ignore them and allow them to worry about the fact that you seem done.

Simona

March 27, 2020 at 5:52 pm

Hello, I think my boyfriend broke up with me because we had a fight and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, then he forgave me but started to act cold to me and said he doesn’t know if he still wants to date me. So I began No Contact rule two days ago. Today I asked about something on Instagram story (I used poll and he voted in the poll) and he responded to my story but I didn’t read and reply the message, then he stared to call me, when I didn’t answer the call he started to send me “?” and then posted a sad song on Instagram (probably about love). Do you think I could break no contact rule and reply? The problem is I don’t know exactly if it’s breakup, maybe he just needed the time to cope what happened. Give me a little advice please. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 29, 2020 at 12:22 pm

Hi Simona, so it sounds as if he is in limbo so I would give him space, but I would reply if he reaches out to you as you are not “broken up” if he does end things that is when you go into a proper No Contact. HOWEVER him telling you he doesnt know if he wants to date you anymore, you need to make it clear that you are going to walk away and not accept being made to feel like an option. Even if that pushed him to end things you deserve better than a maybe!

Diana

March 21, 2020 at 5:15 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up last week. We’ve been in contact since the breakup and hung out a few days ago. I’m trying the no contact rule because I feel like it’ll give us time to reflect, especially given the situation everyone’s going through right now (virus). He’s texted me and double texted me. I feel guilty because he got laid off and I feel like I should be there for him. When is it okay to break no contact? Especially during this pandemic? Won’t he resent me for not being here for him during this time?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 11:37 pm

Hi Diana, the advice is still the same stick to your No Contact period of 30 days. No he wont resent you for not being there for him during this time. You need to take care of yourself, we don’t mother boyfriends… they need to realise you put you first

Sharma

March 21, 2020 at 7:29 am

Hey chris..
I was begging him nd explaining my ex each situation but he was in no mood to listen..I didnt left him alone after his continuously pleading to leave him alone..then I told him that I know he is with someone else nd it made him to explain that he is not..but i instantly started no contact by saying that i dont care at all..now after 1 day of no contact he is messaging that he is not like me means he is not with anyone and blaming me that I might be with someone else.. I ignored him..he blocked me.next day he again unblocked nd messaged me to blame me I again ignored..he was trying to make me guilty..then he again blocked me by saying that it is good that I am not replying to him..
.do you think no contact is working???its 3rd day today..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 29, 2020 at 11:46 am

Hi Sharma yes I would say it is working, as long as you are not replying to anything at all for 30 days. It sounds as if he is angry at the moment so allow him time to cool down, he is going to block and unblock you often during the process it sounds

Samantha

March 13, 2020 at 8:50 pm

My ex kept reaching out during no contact we had some nice conversations but I broke it. Will no contact work again even though we have to start over and we have already been having conversations that show positivity? I fear that I ruined it because now he thinks that he will get me to respond whenever he wants me to.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 18, 2020 at 12:50 am

Hi Samantha, so if you want to follow the program. No Contact is essential but by doing so you must stick with it even if your ex reaches out with a positive message! You must stick to it to have an effect on your ex

Anon

March 11, 2020 at 12:47 pm

Hi, my ex texted me with just my name as he has done before and I am 2 days away from completing my no contact period. However, I am waiting for him to text me something more concrete. He usually texts me my name, asks how I am and then stops replying. Breadcrumbing?! I am going to extend my no contact period for a little while. I want a proposal lol. Think this is a good idea?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 11:56 pm

Hey there yes its breadcrumbing, or checking to see if you blocked them / would answer them I agree not to answer a message with such little effort

marni

March 11, 2020 at 11:04 am

Me and my ex were together for just under a year with a 8 year age difference, until he broke up with me out of the blue one day. He gave me a ring and some flowers and told me he didnt have to give me what i deserved. i found out that he had cheated on me the night before and clearly freaked out. Since then he had been on holiday for 3 weeks and i told him not to talk to me until at least a month and he had contacted me during this period briefly. He got back of his holiday and found out he had a job about 10 hours away starting 2 days later and wanted to see me before he went, i agreed fearing i would never see him again. He told me he missed me and he was sorry and i was the biggest love of his life and we spoke about all the amazing memories. He said he doesnt know why he cheated and maybe he had some issues from past trauma/family life but that he thought maybe one day when we were alot older we would be together again (right person wrong timing). He is now living away in his new life and i am outgrowing him but i wonder if what we had was something as special as he makes out. I get where he is coming from which makes me feel like i should let him go but i really want him to come back to me. I dont understand why he cheated but i guess he wants to try and see what life is like on the other side of things. I dont know what to do, i have myself to put first but i love him and dont know if i should i let it go?!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 24, 2020 at 12:06 am

Hi Marni, only you can answer that question for yourself I am afraid. Good luck in your decisions

Eunice

March 5, 2020 at 3:04 pm

Hi. My ex and I broke up month ago. We were bestfriends. I know he is seeing another girl. I pleaded him to not leave me but he said he made his decision. But he still wants me to be his bestfriend, as we were even before the relationship. I disagreed being just a bestfriend, telling him i love him, became pushy for days, convincing him not to leave me. Then after reading some articles here, I decided not to disturb him for days. Then today, he messaged me asking how I am doing. Should I reply? Should I agree that we still become bestfriends, I know he is pursuing another girl. Thank youu so much for help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 10, 2020 at 10:58 pm

Hi Eunice, so if you want to get your ex back then you need to read about the being there method. Understanding the process before moving forward is key, where you need to complete a full 45 day No contact before reaching out for the first time

Grace

February 24, 2020 at 8:37 pm

Hello,
My ex broke up with me a week ago after 2.5yrs and asked to be friends with benefits and I agreed. A couple of days later he asked if he come over to pick up his stuff and hook up. I texted him that I know I said I wanted to be FWB but I don’t think thats what is right for me right now. He said okay and sent me a list of things he needed. He came over yesterday and picked up his stuff but left some things that he said he would be back for. I told him I would not be living at the house as of Tuesday anymore because I was being evicted after my mom passed 3 months. He thanked me for letting him know and I told him I would leave his stuff with his sister(who I still talk to). I found out from his sister’s bf that my ex told him I was too clingy and he didn’t like that we did everything together. I tried my best not to show too much emotion while he was at the house bc I knew I would just beg him to take me back. When he was leaving he told me he had no regrets and for me to hit him up for anything. I’ve been doing the no contact for 3 days as of his birthday but I wonder if that interaction counted as me breaking it. Also he texted me today telling me he could send my tax documents and which email he should send them to and if I received the money yet. Should I reply even though I know he has my emails?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 3, 2020 at 10:23 pm

Hi Grace, yes reaching out for a birthday is breaking the no contact rule. You need to spend some time working on yourself and your holy trinity. Then start preparing your first reach out text from what Chris suggests

Mina

February 23, 2020 at 11:49 am

Hi there,

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and were still in contact for 1,5 week. After those 1,5 week, we decided to not speak to each other anymore and have a phone call every Sunday evening. We haven’t spoken to each other since 3 days, but today is Sunday so I’m 100% sure that he is gonna call. Should I answer his call or should I just ignore unless I agreed to speak with him once a week?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 27, 2020 at 10:31 pm

Hi Mina, so as much as you are sure he was going to call. I know it can be upsetting when we were hoping to hear from someone and you don’t get that phone call. So try not to set your emotions up for heartache. If you are in No Contact then you need to stick to your NC through to 30 days solid

Ifeoluwa

February 22, 2020 at 6:03 am

My ex blocked me, two days after he unblocked and since then he has been calling me but I didn’t respond to it.
Should I continue the no contact rule?? Or what should I do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 9:50 pm

Yes continue with your No contact for 30 days

Kelly

February 19, 2020 at 8:32 pm

Hi,

So I had been talking to this guy for a little over 2 months. A month into the talking stage, I met him and slept together. Everything was perfect but we broke up almost 10 days ago because he said he doesn’t want anything serious and since we are not in a relationship, he can talk to whoever if he wants to in the future and I shouldn’t have a problem with it. I did not like that and decided to end it. I totally cut him off and removed from social media. He called 5 days later to wish me Valentines day and asked to call back. I never reached back to him and he dropped in another text today. Not sure what to do. I do want him to come back and commit to me because I genuinely liked him. Please help me, what should I do and if he calls or text, how should I deal with it? Should I reach back after 21 days of NC and how exactly to initiate the conversation?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 28, 2020 at 8:19 pm

Hi Kelly yes a short 21 day no contact and reaching out to try to rebuild your connection however if you want a relationship then you need to not sleep with him again without a relationship

Queen

February 8, 2020 at 12:26 am

My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. I begged and pleased as usually I guess and he blocked me. I broke no contact on day 10 because it was very hard and sent a heartfelt email and he said he would reply and he hasn’t so I left him alone and went back into no contact. Yesterday he sent a random email about something to help me with school work,I am not sure what this means and should I reply and be polite?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 8, 2020 at 4:55 pm

Hey Queen, so you need to stick with No Contact and avoid replying to this email as it will shock him that you have not replied. If he sends a follow up askign if you got his email. Reply with “Yes thanks, just been really busy” and leave the conversation as that NOTHING else.

yasmin

January 24, 2020 at 12:41 pm

Yasmin here, well he said I needed to grow up because I told him I would move in to his city with him but I had some stuff happening to me that I had to prospone and he got tired of it. I want him back and I want him to see that I am changed I am working on myself, getting less anxious and more ready but I have no idea of how on earth im gonna do it.
Yasmin

January 23, 2020 at 5:11 pm

Hello if you could please help. I’m doing no contact after my boyfriend said we should move on with our lifes and etc. we were in a Long distance relantionship, I he broke up with me and he said I needed to grow up. that was around january 10th. He travelled for some days and now texted me with a lot of photos of the trip and he’s asking how am I doing. I still want him back but I dont know if I should ignore or just reply with a short reply. I have no idea whats going on his mind and if he wants to get back or not. Im just really confused help! Should I ignore, keep the NC or reply?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 11:29 am

Hey Yasmin, can you elaborate with the grow up comment? If you are doing No Contact then you do not reply to this message as it is not warranting a response. You can reach out to him again in 30 days using a text that Chris suggests

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187 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”